Griff the Invisible . . . Coming soon to a theater near . . . WHO?
OK, so I’ll admit it. Most of the television shows I watch are currently on hiatus. And, as a television recapper, this most recent turn of events has me feeling SERIOUSLY DOWN . . .
So, in an effort to cheer myself up, I started looking up information on the upcoming season of True Blood . . .
Meet Eric Northman, also known as “The Shirtless Blonde Man.” You’ve really gotta hand it to the HBO Marketing Department. They sure do know how to sell their product!
While I was searching, I stumbled upon this trailer for a film called Griff the Invisible, which is set to hit theaters in Australia this month . . .
Actually, Ryan Kwanten (a.k.a. Jason from True Blood) stars in the film, as the titular Griff, an Average Joe who dons a rubber suit at night, as a means of escaping the doldrums of his own mundane existence . . .
In other words, “Griff” is the guy Peter Parker probably would have ended up being, had he made it into adulthood, having never been bitten by a radioactive spider . . .
But don’t take my word for it. Check out the trailer, and see for yourself . . .
When I saw this trailer, and found out that Griff the Invisible was NOT coming soon to a theater near ME, I was HOPPING MAD!
You mean to tell me that there’s a movie out there, in which Ryan Kwanten walks around in a skintight rubber suit, kicking ASS, and I DON’T GET TO SEE IT ON THE BIG SCREEN? What is WRONG with this world?
So, I did a bit MORE research. And I learned that a distributor had, in fact, recently acquired the rights to air Griff the Invisible in North America.
A solid decision, on this distributor’s part! After all, with True Blood being as popular as it is in the States, Ryan Kwanten has become household name . . . not to mention, a household BODY . . .
Between Kwanten’s . . . umm . . . appeal . . . to the masses, and the major box office success Superhero films have enjoyed in the U.S. over the past decade, I don’t see how this film could NOT make money in the States. “So, why the wait?” You are probably wondering.
My theory? It’s all about the “package” . . .
“ING” . . . It’s all about the “packag-ING.” (Get your minds out of the gutter!)
You see, Griff the Invisible isn’t packaged as your typical Superhero Movie. I mean, YOU saw the trailer! It’s “quirky,” and “offbeat.” It’s also “sweet,” “cute,” and features “schmaltzy music” in the background. Plus, there seems to be a whole lot of that “Schmoopy Romance Stuff” in it . . .
Not to mention, have you EVER seen a trailer for a Superhero movie, where there was not at least ONE SHOT of the hero kicking some villain’s ASS? SERIOUSLY!
Now, I understand that the probable reason that Griff the Invisible wasn’t packaged like your typical Superhero Movie is that it isn’t your typical Superhero Movie. Just from the smidgeon of research I’ve done on the film, Griff seems a bit more high-concept than your Iron Mans, and your Spider Mans, and your X Men. It’s probably a bit moodier of a film than those . . . and, forgive the term, a bit more “emo.” But what Americans don’t know won’t hurt them, right?
Just nod and smile, Jason . . . Nod an smile.
For this reason, I offer up to the U.S. distributors of Griff the Invisible an alternate trailer for this film. The “trailer” I selected, actually comes from some behind-the-scenes footage of Ryan Kwanten training for the more physical aspects of the film. And yet, it has everything a U.S. audience could possibly want in a Superhero Movie Trailer. (Well, except for the fact that Ryan’s unfortunately, wearing a SHIRT in it, of coruse).
Check it out . . .
So, now I turn the discussion over to YOU. I’m very curious as to whether anybody over in Oz has seen this film yet? (CHERIE, my Fabulous Blogger Pal from Down Under, I’m looking at YOU!) If so, what did you think? Also, assuming you’ve already seen it, what are your thoughts as to how this movie would be received by an American audience?
When you’ve resorted to “ass-slapping,” it’s never a good sign . . .
Ahhhh, dancing. We all do it on occasion. But only a few of us can actually do it well. But, even if you aren’t exactly the “Life of the Dance Party,” perhaps, you can sleep better tonight, knowing that you are not ALONE. In fact, there are many, otherwise, very cool, talented, and debonair television stars out there, who undoubtedly dance just as bad as you do!
Anyone who watched television during the 90’s, undoubtedly remembers The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
If you ever watched The Fresh Prince, you probably know that, regardless of what an AWFUL dresser he was (see picture above), Will Smith, who played the titular character on the show, was a VERY GOOD DANCER! His cousin, Carlton (played by Alfonso Ribeiro), however? Not so much . . .
Around the same time Carlton was “getting jiggy,” on The Fresh Prince, another, very different, comedy sitcom was also gaining popularity . . .
Seinfeld had always been a show known for its crazy characters, and ridiculous occurrences. Of all the characters on that show, Elaine (played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus) was probably the most “normal.” That is . . . until she stepped out on the dance floor . . .
But that all happened during the 90’s. And we can’t really blame television stars for dancing badly during the 90’s, right? After all, in the 90’s, our idea of “good dancing” was this . . .
So, in order to make YOU feel better about YOUR bad dancing, we need to show you some television stars who dance badly, in this decade!
Josh Holloway, a.k.a. Sawyer from Lost
*Sigh* How I miss Sawyer, let me count the ways. Not only did he have the best body EVER, he was also the quintessential “Bad Boy,” and a closet romantic, who was pretty gosh darn hilarious, to boot. Honestly, who wouldn’t want to get a slightly insulting / highly stereotypical nickname from Sawyer, after joining him a rousing round of Bear Cage Sex?
And yet, Sawyer, as much as I adore you, your dancing skills leave a bit to be desired. Allow me to draw your attention to Bad Dancing Example 1:
And Example 2:
Then again, can you really blame a guy who’ s been stuck on a deserted island with Psychotic Others and Killer Polar Bears for six years for never learning how to “Dougie?”
Ryan Kwanten, a.k.a. Jason Stackhouse from True Blood
Jason Stackhouse’s half-naked body is a sight to behold, FOR SURE! And yet, just because you look good half-naked, doesn’t mean you dance well half-naked too. Then again, perhaps, Jason instinctively understood this. Why else would he be wearing that Creepy Ex-President Mask?
Speaking of True Blood stars . . .
Alexander Skarsgard, a.k.a. Vampire Eric Northman on True Blood
Eric Northman. Now THAT GUY is the epitome of COOL! Not only is his body flawless . . .
. . . but he always seems to know exactly what to say to make the girls’ hearts melt . . .
That being said, I’m not quite sure what exactly he was trying to do here:
Speaking of Super Cool and Sexy Vampires doing ambiguously gay things . . .
Ian Somerhalder, a.k.a. Vampire Damon Salvatore on The Vampire Diaries
If you’ve read this blog before, you already know that I am OBSESSED with Ian Somerhalder, in general, and his character Damon Salvatore, on The Vampire Diaries, specifically. Not only is Damon Salvatore, a Brooding Bad Boy . . .
. . . the Life of the Party . . .
. . . and a Hopeless Romantic . . .
. . . he’s also a FABULOUS DANCER.
So, why, you ask, is HE on this list? Remember what I said earlier about “Half-Naked Dancing,” not necessarily being “Good Dancing?” Well . . .
. . . I rest my case.
In other Bad Dancing Vampire news . . .
David Boreanaz, a.k.a. Angel on Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and Angel), and Booth on Bones
David Boreanaz . . . he’s a pretty cool guy, right? I mean, this is someone who KNOWS how to wear a suit! And yet, he also looks fairly amazing wearing NOTHING AT ALL . . .
Perhaps, we know him best now as the smart, loveable, and adorably snarky Booth on Bones. But, like Ian and Alexander after him, David Boreanaz is no stranger to donning THE FANGS. On both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its spinoff, Angel, David played the sometimes sweet, sometimes evil “Angel” (although, when he was evil they usually called him “Angelus,” weird right?).
Whether Angel was trying to kiss Buffy, or KILL HER, he always looked like a true gentleman doing it . . . except, of course, when he was dancing . . .
Ummm . . . Booth? Perhaps, you better stick to your Day Job of playing with skeletons. Because I’m guessing Dancing with the Stars is not in your future.
Hey, you know who used to be on Angel with David Boreanaz? Vincent Kartheiser!
What a coincidence! Because he made this list too!
Vincent Kartheiser, a.k.a. Pete Campbell on Mad Men
A lot of people don’t like Pete Campbell on Mad Men. They find him slimy, manipulative, whiny and insecure. Well, they are RIGHT! He’s all of those things!
(Although, in his defense, he’s gotten A LOT kinder and gentler, this past season.)
I, for one, have always LOVED Pete. And a lot of that has to do with Vincent Kartheiser‘s amazing acting ability. I just find him so intriguing, and fascinating to watch. Whenever, he’s on screen, I just can’t keep my EYES OFF OF HIM! Unless, of course, he’s dancing. Then, I have to look away . . .
Speaking of Mad Men stars who can’t dance . . .
Jon Hamm, a.k.a. Don Draper of Mad Men
Don Draper, I am very disappointed in you! You just got engaged to Megan!
What the heck are you doing, getting jiggy with Betty White?
I hope you don’t plan on dancing like that at the wedding . . .
Elsewhere in Manhattan . . .
Chace Crawford, a.k.a. Nate Archibald on Gossip Girl
Spotted: A gorgeous rich white boy, teaching us that, just because you were born with a “silver spoon in your mouth,” doesn’t mean your parents ever paid for you to have dance lessons . . .
And, of course, who could forget . . .
John Krasinski, a.k.a. Jim Halpert on The Office
If John Krasinski wasn’t already married to Emily Blunt and if I looked anywhere near as pretty as Emily Blunt, I’d totally marry him. This guy is the WHOLE PACKAGE! He’s smart, sweet, funny, caring, and, perhaps, most importantly, a bit of a goofball. Did I mention that he makes this face ALL THE TIME?
ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!
In fact, John Krasinski is almost TOO perfect. I mean, what would I bring to the relationship?
Aha, now I know what I would bring! Two right feet, for his dual left ones . . .
So, you see Fellow Bad Dancers, you are in VERY GOOD COMPANY! There are plenty of successful, attractive, and powerful people, who don’t know there mambos from their cha-chas. Heck, our very own President might be one of them!
But even if your the Worst Dancer in the World, that’s NO EXCUSE not to be dancing! Dancing brings people together. It makes them happy. It gets their hearts racing, in a good way. In short, dancing makes the world go round.
So, don’t worry about looking silly. Just strap on your party shoes, hit the dance floor, and EVERYBODY CUT FOOTLOSE!
(Grrr! Pesky Copyright Requirements 😦 . . . Click on the embedded link, if you want to DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY!)
One of the fun things, for me at least, about having read Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse Books . . .
. . . prior to watching the True Blood series on HBO (which is more or less based on those books) . . .
. . . is the added insight it gives me into these complex television characters, and the fictional lives they are destined to lead in the future. Sometimes, it makes me feel downright telepathic . . .
Well . . . maybe not telepathic, but at least like someone who has the “inside scoop” on things.
And while Alan Ball has certainly exercised his right to CHANGE a few things from the books, in creating the show . . .
Not DEAD!
Not a mild-mannered, girly-girl clothing store owner.
Will not GO AWAY!
. . . one thing he HAS adhered to pretty faithfully, is author Charlaine Harris’ colorful cast of characters, and the various ways in which they impact Sookie’s universe.
For this reason, I predict that it won’t be too long, before a certain hunky personal trainer, named J.B. DuRone, graces our television sets on Sunday nights. (Because, lets face it, Alan Ball LOVES his sexy men!)
For the uninitiated, J.B. DuRone is Bon Temps townie, born and raised in Louisianna. He was friends with Sookie and Tara back in high school, and even took Sookie to her senior prom.
“Like my pretty prom dress, y’all? My Grams bought it for me!”
Now, J.B. works as a popular personal trainer at the local Bon Temps gym, and lives in one of those apartments behind Merlotte’s that Sam rents out. J.B. has always been a loyal friend to Sookie, and even harbored a little crush on her for a short time. (What guy didn’t in this series?) Later in the books, he functioned as an unusually healthy and well-adjusted love interest for Perpetual Dater of Losers and Nutjobs, Tara . . .
“It’s about DAMN TIME!”
In terms of character traits, J.B. has a little bit of Jason . . .
. . . a dash of Hoyt . . .
. . . and a dollop of Sam . . .
. . . all rolled into one glorious package.
Like Jason, J.B. has the looks of Hollywood Heartthrob, and the body of a male model. He also shares Jason’s not-so-keen intellect. J.B. isn’t exactly the sharpest crayon in the box . . .
And yet, like Hoyt, J.B. is charming, and sweet, and polite, almost to a fault. He is the quintessential Southern Gentleman.
With Sam, J.B. shares a protective, almost paternalistic, relationship with Sookie (and later with Tara). He is always ready to help her out of a jam, even if he doesn’t always no HOW to help, or what the heck is going on.
So, of course, all of this begs the question, who should Alan Ball CAST in the role of J.B. DuRone. Well . . . I’ve got a few ideas . . .
Below you will find my Top Five casting picks (in no particular order) for Bon Temps’ Favorite Bodybuilder.
Where you’ve seen him before: the romantic comedy She’s the Man (starring alongside Amanda Bynes),those Step Up dance movies, the action flick, GI Joe, the anti-war drama, Stop Loss, and that chick flick, Dear John.
Why he’d make a great J.B.:
Like J.B., Channing Tatum is a native Southern boy, having grown up in a small Alabama town. So, not only will Channing be able to effortlessly pull off the Southern charm necessary for this role, he will also be able to provide fans with a remarkably authentic Southern accent, (something which, honestly, is hard to come by on this show). In addition to all that “Southern stuff,” Channing clearly has the physique of a bodybuilder, and the chiseled looks to match. A very young-looking 30-year old, Channing is also “age appropriate,” in that he is believable as someone who would have gone to high school with Sookie and Tara.
What you’ve seen him in: the WB sitcom, What I Like About You (also starring Amanda Bynes) and the ABC show, Cougar Town
Why he’d make a great J.B. :
Not to typecast or anything, but the character of J.B. DuRone is remarkably similar to Vince, the character Zano played on What I Like About You. Both are charming ladies men, who are capable of being disarmed and “tamed” by the right woman. Both have startlingly beautiful bodies that are painstakingly well-cared for. And both aren’t too bright, at least in the traditional sense of the word. Then again, maybe I’m just shamelessly angling for a chance to see Nick on my TV screen again . . .
Where you’ve seen him: the teen drama The O.C., as Bad Ass Bully, Kevin Volchok, the film Never Back Down, as Bad Ass Bully, Ryan McCarthy, and Twilight, as Bad Ass Vampire, James. (Notice a pattern here?) Cam will also be featured in the upcoming movie / musical, Burlesque and the upcoming teen comedy Easy A.
Why he’d make a great J.B.:
Under that douchey exterior, and penchant for bad boy roles, there’s a heartthrob inside Cam Gigandet, just waiting to get out. And this is the perfect role to bring it out of him. True, Cam would probably make for an edgier J.B. DuRone than the one mentioned in Charlaine Harris’ books. But, then again, to be a believable match for someone as edgy and abrasive as True Blood’s Tara, maybe he will have to be. I can just imagine the chemistry between Rutina Wesley and Cam Gigandet, and it would SIZZLE!
In terms of physical appearance, Cam has the body of fighter — someone who spends hours and hours at the gym, just like J.B. DuRone. In fact, I’ve never seen a film with Cam Gigandet, where he WASN’T throwing a punch, or exposing those enviable abs in some way! To top it off, Cam is EXACTLY the same age as Anna Paquin and Rutina Wesley, which would work out perfectly for the J.B. character. Seriously, how often do actors actually get to PLAY characters their own age, anymore?
No modern day male actor exudes more inherent masculinity than Tom Hardy. Ever word out of his mouth, and every inch of his body just screams “MAN!” This is exactly the type of guy Tara needs in her life. He is strong, and a protector. But he is also remarkably stable, and lighthearted. This is a guy who can soften Tara’s rough edges, and make her laugh. Yet, when it is necessary, he can also give a royal beatdown to any evil vampire or werewolf stupid enough to get in her way.
What you’ve seen him in: the long running teen drama, Dawson’s Creek, as the loveable hopelessly romantic, Pacey Witter, the sexy teen film, Cruel Intentions, the teen slasher pic, UrbanLegends, and currently, the sci-fi mystery-of-the week show, Fringe
Why he’d make a great J.B.:
Joshua Jackson is the ideal TV Boyfriend. End of story. In his role as Pacey Witter, we saw Joshua’s ability to melt girls hearts with a single crinkle of the eyebrow, or a knowing smirk, or a gentle touch. Pacey, though never particularly ambitious or “wise,” in the traditional sense of the word, was a true believer in true love. And he would sacrifice anything to protect the object of his desire and make her happy. These are innocent motives he shares with J.B. DuRone, who is also somewhat of a hopeless romantic, with an inherent need to “care” for the women he loves.
In his more recent roles, Joshua Jackson has had the opportunity to exhibit a manly side. Sure, he can be soft and cuddly, but he can also be tough. This is a guy, who’s not afraid to throw a punch, if the recipient truly deserves it. And I’m pretty sure, J.B. has thrown a few punches in his day too.
So, there you have it. My casting choices for Charlaine Harris’ loveably lunkhead, J.B. DuRone. Alan Ball, if you’re reading this . . . take note!
“Hey, look at me. I’m naked on TV! That never happens!”
Welcome back fellow Fangbangers! Another season of True Blood is officially upon us. And from the looks of it, the town of Bon Temps is, once again, about to get very bloody (not to mention slutty). Tonight’s premiere episode, may not have given us all that much in the way of plot development. However, it did offer a ton of biting, a prospective new group of villians, some great one liners, and more hot shirtless men than a Gay Pride Parade.
Speaking of gay pride, am I the only one who was TOTALLY shipping a Bill and Sam coupling, after this episode? Those two are SPICY! And with a cool shipper name like BAM, it’s pretty obvious that this is a couple destined for greatness . . .
“I’ve always admired a man with big ‘belt buckle.'”
But, perhaps, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself here . . . let’s start at the beginning, shall we?
He’s My Boyfriend, and I’ll Whine if I Want To . . .
Bon Temps has installed a new security security system. Here’s how it works. These two nag and yell . . . and all men are instantly repelled.
The episode begins pretty much right where the Season 2 finale left off. Bill has been kidnapped, and Sookie is desperate to find him. And let me tell you, hell hath no fury, like a nearly-engaged woman jilted. After chewing out the female police officer investigating the crime scene, and interrogating a very distracted (and for good reason) Vampire Jessica, Sookie heads out to Fangtasia to put the moves on question Eric. But before she can speak to him, she has to get by Pam first.
Have I mentioned lately how THRILLED I am that this fabulous femme has been upgraded to “season regular” status?
“I don’t recall telling you that purple was my favorite color,” coos Pam, making Whiny Purple Dress-Wearing Sookie noticeably uncomfortable. (But Sookie, I thought you were bisexual? Or, maybe I’m mistaking you for the actress that plays you.)
“I don’t have time for any lesbian weirdness from you,” replies Sookie. (Awww! Poor Pam! Foiled again!)
After pushing past Pam, (“She overpowered me!”), Sookie finds Eric in the midst of a LONG screwing session with new Fangtasia dancer, Yvetta.
I’m not usually one to notice high production value, but I ADORED the way this encounter between Sookie and Eric was shot. With it’s soft lighting, and hazy pastel hues, the scene felt more like an erotic dream than a television show. Alexander Skaarsgard’s blatant nudity certaintly didn’t hurt either.
The tension between these two nearly hits a boiling point, when Sookie shamelessly accuses Vampire Eric of orchestrating Bill’s kidnapping. Eric gamely denies these allegations. However, he does take the opportunity to berate Vampire Bill’s sexual prowess (“Is Bill’s stamina not up to snuff?”), and flirt with Sookie (“I want what is his.”). After securing Vampire Eric’s “promise” to find Bill, Sookie heads to the police station to yell at more cops, before heading back home. There, she encounters fellow Spurned Sister on the Rag, Tara . . .
Tara’s Eggs are No Longer Sunny Side Up . . .
“Bacon just isn’t the same without Eggs . . . “
Now don’t get me wrong. I feel for Tara. If my boyfriend looked like this . . .
. . . and was shot dead, after confessing to a series of murders he committed while “not in his right mind,” I would be pretty bummed too. But it’s really hard to like Tara, when she spends all her time screaming at everybody. I mean, it’s always OK to yell at Arlene, because she’s dumb, annoying, and more than a little racist. But cute, cuddly, Andy Bellefleur? Unacceptable!
The worst, however, is when Tara lays into SOOKIE (who put a roof over her head, and saved her LIFE) for letting Eggs “see” the many murders that he committed, while under the influence of the maenad. “You basically signed his death warrant, you b*tch,” growls a Rabid Tara at her “former” best friend! (Someone shoot this girl with a tranquilizer gun, and put us ALL out of our misery, please!)
Tired of babysitting his unruly witch of a cousin, Lafayette passes Tara off to her self-centered, crazy, former alcoholic, born-again Christian MOTHER. BAD MOVE! After just a few hours with this unbearable woman, Tara is in the bathroom trying to OD on pills.
Of course, we already know she’ll survive. So, there’s really not much suspense here. After all, based on the promos we’ve seen, Tara has to LIVE, so that she can have some very NOT HOT vampire sex with THIS BLOODSUCKER . . .
“Hey, Bad Kisser Guy! Do us all a favor, and bite off her tongue, will you?”
First Sign of the Apocalypse: Jason Stackhouse can’t get it up!
“My weiner is depressed. Kiss it, and make it better?”
Thank heaven for Andy Bellefleur! Without his taking the rap for shooting Eggs, Jason Stackhouse would most certainly have been put in jail for murder. And while he would undoubtedly look cute in an orange jumpsuit, a SHIRTLESS Jason Stackhouse is a terrible thing to waste. Andy visits Jason at his house, in an attempt to keep him in line and to keep their “shooting story” straight.
And then, suddenly, and out of no where, it seemed as though Andy Bellefleur had been possessed by female True Blood fans everywhere. Because, for no rational reason whatsoever, Andy stopped talking about the dull “murder thing,” and started talking about how important it was for Jason to get laid . . .
“The Fangirls’ wish is my command!”
In order to “eliminate suspicion” and “keep up appearances,” Andy instructs Jason to act as he did BEFORE he shot Eggs (and BEFORE he joined that religious cult too, I guess). That means LOVING THE LADIES, and LOVING THEM LOTS!
“Conscience off! Dick on!” Andy commands.
Now THAT is a Jason Stackhouse motto, I can LIVE with!
Later, Jason hits up Merlotte’s with new roomie, Hoyt.
Welcome back, Jim Parrack! LOVE the new buff bod! Not such a fan of the new hair, though . . .
The two quickly and effortlessly pick up these pretty, but kind of dense, recent NYU grads, both of whom randomly have a thing for dogs. But when they bring the girls back home, Hoyt is too busy whining over the loss of Vampire Jessica to do much screwing, and Jason keeps picturing the girls with bullet holes in their heads. NOT a turn on! (Note to the men out there: If you TELL a girl that you keep seeing bullet holes in her head, she WILL think you want to murder her. Some things are better left UNSAID.)
Needless to say, neither of these sexy men get laid during this episode. This is too bad. Because I was REALLY hoping for some Jason Stackhouse Post-Coital Dancing . . .
“WOW! Look at the size of that bullet hole! Just kidding . . .LET’S BOOGIE!”
The Miraculous Tale of Vampire Bill, the F-U Crew, and Some Old Lady . . .
Well, the writers sure didn’t make us wait too long before telling us who took Vampire Bill. Although his captor referred to his Band of Bumbling Idiots as the “F*&k You Crew,” those who have watched the promos, undoubtedly recognized him Werewolf Biker Badass, Coot (played by Grant Bowler). . .
Coot and his DOGS are trying to drive Bill to their secret lair. The only problem is that they can’t seem to stop eating him. (Don’t you hate it when that happens?) So, the car goes off road, and Bill manages to escape. Having been drained of quite a bit of blood, Vampire Bill wanders into some Old Broad’s home, feeds on her, and leaves, but not before glamouring her, and extracting some very important information for the viewers at home. It turns out, our pal Bill is in Mississippi!
The Shirt Off His Back . . .
“Vampire Bill, I’m so upset! I had the lamest plotline of this ENTIRE episode!
“Let’s f*&k!”
“OK, Vampire Bill. That would make me feel much better.”
It’s a real shame that Vampire Bill is in Mississippi, and not Arkansas, where Sam is, because that would have undoubtedly improved this portion of the episode. Sam’s storyline tonight was a MAJOR snoozer. Apparently, he’s on a hunt for his biological trailer trash Mommy, and deadbeat brother . . . blah, blah, blah. Now on to the good stuff!
So, if you recall, last season, Sam was stabbed in the chest, and was seriously wounded as a result. If not for his massive intake of Vampire Bill’s blood, he would have died. Of course, taking a lot of blood from a Vampire has its consequences. For one thing, it makes you have sexual feelings for the Vampire you drank from, regardless of your previous sexual preference.
So, one night, while Sam is sleeping, he has a dream that someone has visited him at his hotel. THIS Vamp . . .
After being invited in, Vampire Bill asks Sam for some clothing, and Sam literally gives him the shirt off his back. But Vampire Bill doesn’t put it on. Instead, after admiring Sam’s physique, he asks to use his shower. He then invites Sam to join him, and Sam AGREES! “We are going to have a great time,” replies Bill.
And just when these two crazy kids are about to make out, Sam wakes up . . .
I WANT MORE BAM! And I want it NOW, dammit!
Vampire Blood for Sale! Get it While it’s Cheap!
So, it turns out, Vampire Eric wasn’t being entirely honest with Sookie, when he was asked if he had anything to do with Bill’s disappearance. In fact, HE had hired people to kidnap Bill TOO! Except, the F-U crew got there first! Pam instructs Eric to tell Queen Sophie Ann about Vampire Bill’s disappearance, since Bill is the only other vampire aware that the Queen and Eric are selling vampire blood on the black market.
Eric scoffs at this idea. However, soon after, Queen Sophie comes to HIM, along with that creepy dude who played J.J. on Big Love . . .
Apparently, there is some sort of two-for-one special on HBO Series stars.
I don’t recall what position “J.J.” holds in the vampire community. However, I assume it’s high ranking, and has something to do with “law enforcement.” (If you recall, this was the guy that forced Vampire Bill to “make” Vampire Jessica, as punishment for his killing another vampire. “J.J” also seems to be higher up than Queen Sophie Ann, because he was bossing her around quite a bit, throughout this scene.
I must admit, initially, I wasn’t overly impressed with Evan Rachel Wood’s portrayal of Queen Sophie Ann during Season 2. I just found her to be too over the top, and not nearly “queenly” enough. However, Wood went a long way toward redeeming herself in my eyes tonight. Watching her manipulate “J.J.” into thinking she was unaware of the marketing of Vampire Blood was pure poetry. And seeing her strong arm the typically unfazeable Vampire Eric into selling off all of his black market vampire blood at a major financial loss to him, was even more satisfying.
This classic scene was followed up by another equally pleasurable one in which Vampire Pam, on Eric’s orders, pressured Lafayette to sell off his “goods.” “Are you picking up what I’m putting down?” Pam whispered in the ear of a terrified Lafayette.
Clearly, no further elaboration was necessary. When Vampire Eric makes a request, Lafayette listens. End of story . . .
16 and Pregnant? And a Vampire? (Well . . . not exactly)
When we last left Vampire Jessica, she had taken a major bite out of some D-baggy trucker dude, she picked up at a bar. Now, with Papa Vampire Bill nowhere to be found, Baby Vamp Jess is forced to pick up the pieces all by herself. She tries to revive the nearly dead dude, but does so to no avail. Eventually, he dies (or does he?). And in impulsive decision that, while misguided, was surprisingly astute for such a young vamp, Vampire Jessica feeds the maybe dead guy her own blood.
We don’t know yet whether he was actually turned into a vampire. All we know is that he’s stinking up Bill’s house. If I recall correctly, in True Blood world, the “transition” from human to vampire takes a few days. It’s also possible that if this guy was TOTALLY dead, it would be too late for him to actually “drink” Jessica’s blood and change over. So, we can’t really be sure whether Vampire Jessica has just made herself into a “teen mom” and Vampire Bill into an “absentee grandpa.” Only time will tell. But I’m excited about this plotline, nonetheless.
At the end of the episode, Sookie, having noticed that Vampire Pam can “feel” her maker, Eric, “call her,” approaches Vampire Jessica, wondering whether SHE can do the same thing. Apparently she can. Unfortunately, just like the airing of award shows, Vampire Jessica’s “sense” of Bill is on a time delay. So while, she was able to help Sookie find Bill’s crashed car and the dead F-U crew member in it, she was not able to find his current location, which is in the middle of a pack of ravenous werewolves.
It seems that they used REAL wolves in filming this scene, which makes the above picture all the more adorable, fangs and drool, notwithstanding.
So, there you have it folks, my first True Blood recap of the season. What did YOU think of the episode? Was it worth the wait?
Remember when “original television programming,” during the summer season, meant nothing more than a bunch of lame ass game shows . . .
. . . and mind-numbing reality series?
Well . . . it still does.
Fortunately, however, thanks to an increasing number of “pay” cable channels opting to provide their fans with original series ALL YEAR ROUND, summer television sucks a heck of a lot less than it did, say, five-years ago.
This morning, I was browsing through the online edition of Entertainment Weekly, when I came across this very cool article, which briefly summarized what television shows will be gracing our small screens this summer. Based on this article, and some additional research on my part, I managed to compile a surprisingly full “Summer TV Watching Roster” for myself. Here’s a list of the shows that made my “watch list.”
THE VETERANS, a.k.a shows that I’ve watched in the past, and think are AWESOME — Therefore, I will watch them again . . .
True Blood
Premieres Sunday, June 13th at 9pm on HBO.
This one sort of goes without saying, doesn’t it? Particularly, since I have already been yammering on about the show on this blog, FOR WEEKS! I mean, honestly, what could be better than a super raunchy, hilarious, and at-times very scary show, featuring all of the things I love best? For the past two seasons it has been on the air, every SINGLE hour of True Blood has been jam packed with:
Shirtless Men;
Vampires;
Sex (sometimes, even ORGIES!);
Blood;
Love triangles;
and people who talk with funny accents! And if that hasn’t sold you yet, this BRAND NEW extended trailer definitely WILL . . .
Entourage
Premieres Sunday, June 27th at 10:30 p.m. on HBO.
It’s hard to believe that this show is already heading into its SEVENTH SEASON! It seems like only yesterday that “new hot young movie star” Vinnie Chase and his boys — uptight Eric, loveable loser Turtle, and dimwited has-been Johnny Drama — were making waves in the L.A. party scene, by bedding all the underage ladies, and pissing off all the celebrity guest stars.
Then again, maybe it WAS yesterday. After all, one of the best things about Entourage is how comfortingly predictable it is. Sure, Vinnie Chase is slightly less new and certainly less young than he was in early seasons. And, yes, his “hotness” as a character always tended to wax and wane, depending on what fake movie he was starring in, during a particular season (and how big his hair was at the time). But other than that, most of the show’s episodes followed a pretty basic formula, and that formula WORKED!
Basically, I think a lot of Entourage‘s long running success has to do with how well it caters to the basic male fantasy. Seriously, what GUY wouldn’t want to do virtually nothing all day, but party with his friends and various celebrities (The latter usually drop in for cameos, playing exaggeratedly douchey versions of themselves). And, yet, still be rich, successful, and highly oversexed? Here is an example of a typical scene you might see during a run-of-the-mill episode of Entourage . . .
In conclusion, if you are a “dude,” or a girl who likes watching “dudes” do their thing on television, Entourage is the summer show for you!
Mad Men
Premieres Sunday, July 25th at 10 p.m. on AMC
A few months back, I wrote a blog entry that sort of functioned as unofficial tribute to all things Mad Men. It has been almost a year since this one-hour drama, set during the early 1960s, about the employees of a successful New York City advertising agency, graced my television set. And yet, I STILL consider the show to be one of the best written and most intelligent programs on television today. (ESPECIALLY since Lost and The Sopranos are no longer on TV . . .).
The show’s third season finale was just JAM PACKED with OMFG moments. Most notably, both Sterling AND Cooper QUIT Sterling & Cooper (along with the show’s main protagonist, Don Draper, and MOST of the other series regulars on the show) to start their OWN AD AGENCY!
Huh?
Wait a second . . . didn’t Sterling and Cooper ALREADY HAVE their own ad agency? You know . . . the one that was NAMED after them! Well . . . yes . . . technically . . . But then this British ad agency came and bought them out. Except, THAT agency ended up just wanting to . . . Well . . . maybe you should just Netflix Season 3, and see for yourself . . .
Oh, and did I mention that TV Super Couple, Don and Betty, are getting a divorce?
Or that I AM IN LOVE with Pete Campbell / Vincent Kartheiser?
Sorry . . . completely irrelevant, I know. Sometimes, I just can’t help myself.
Having crafted a brilliant and unexpected Season 3 finale, it looks as though the Mad Men writers have laid the groundwork for what will undoubtedly be an exciting new season . . .
My Boys
Premieres, Sunday, July 25th at 10 pm on TBS (It looks like I’ll be taping this one . . .)
Television watching can’t be ALL DRAMA, ALL THE TIME, can it? Especially during those hot summer months, I always like to throw a little light comedy into my TV watching schedule. For the past three years, this little sitcom, about a twenty-something sports journalist from Chicago, and her rag tag gaggle of guy friends, has fit the bill just fine. At the end of last season, P.J. tried to cope with her ex-boyfriend, Bobby’s upcoming marriage, by hooking up with Bobby’s older brother on the night of Bobby’s wedding.
Sounds like a great idea, right? And, perhaps, it would be, if Bobby didn’t walk in on the couple in flagrante, just as he was on the verge of telling P.J. that he still had feelings for HER!
My Boys may not be the most original sitcom out there, nor is it the funniest. And yet, I’ve always found it enjoyable to watch. Plus, TWO of P.J.’s “boys” are particularly easy on the eyes (Take a look at the cast pic above, and you will see exactly who I mean), which certainly doesn’t hurt . . .
THE ROOKIES, a.k.a.new shows I am willing to give the privilege of having a temporary slot on my TV-watching “dance card,” until they inevitably disappoint me with their suckiness . . .
The Gates
Premieres Sunday, June 20th at 10pm on ABC.
Interestingly enough, this show, about a snooty suburban community that just so happens to house residents with supernatural powers, was the only one on basic (non-pay) cable to make my Summer TV Watching list. What can I say? I’ve always been a “sucker” (pun intended) for a good vampire tale . . .
Haven
Premieres Friday, July 9th at 10pm on the SyFy
This “mystery-of-the week” type drama, created and produced by the same people who brought you The Dead Zone, has been described as “Twin Peaks meets the X-Files” (says Entertainment Weekly), with a little bit of Fringe thrown in for good measure. The show follows two FBI agents, as they investigate strange supernatural happenings (Are you noticing a pattern here?) occurring in a small town in Maine. The program is purportedly based on a novella by Stephen King, entitled The Colorado Kid (as opposed to “The Maine Kid”?).
Stephen King tales tend to be genuinely spooky, with excellent plotting and great characterization to boot. I’m hoping this series offers some of that as well. Though I’m not generally a fan of horror, for whatever reason, I always find myself drawn to “scary” shows, during the summer months. It looks like this summer will be no exception. Plus, I like the fact that, unlike the other shows on my list, this show isn’t serialized. So, if I have to miss an episode or two, I won’t be completely lost.
Melissa and Joey
Premieres Tuesday August 17th at 8pm on ABC Family
OK, I’m going to be completely honest here. I’m pretty sure this show is gong to be AWFUL! And yet, the little kid in me simply can’t resist the chance to see two of her favorite 90’s “teen idols” all-grown up, and starring in a show TOGETHER!
Apparently, these two (Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence) starred in one of those lame made-for-tv movies, a little while back, and were such “a hit” together, that they decided to try for something a bit more permanent. The sitcom is about a local politician (Hart) and a bankrupt Wall Street type (Lawrence), who end up living together. Let the hilarity ensure!
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a promo for this show anywhere on the internet. So, in honor of Hart and Lawrence, I’ve decided to show you THESE instead . . .
A nice hefty helping of CHEESE with your blog! You’re welcome!
So, there you have it, my Summer TV Watch list . . . what’s on YOURS?
It’s time to curl up in bed witha good minisode starring The Hot One . . .
Welcome back Fangbangers! It’s Wednesday! (As in, NOT Tuesday. As in, HBO waited until the LAST minisode to prove my entire “Tuesday Minisode Internet Leak” theory wrong. Or, perhaps, the whole “national holiday” thing simply got in the way, and I was right after all. I like the latter argument much better. So, let’s stick with that, OK?)
Anyway . . . today marked the online premiere of the LAST MINISODE EVER to air, before True Blood kicks off its Season 3 premiere on June 13th. And what better way to end off our “mini” season, than with a video starring this guy?
If you recall, during the Season 2 finale of True Blood, Jason Stackhouse a.k.a. “The Hot One” shot and killed Tara’s one time beau, Eggs.
(I couldn’t decide between making a cheap shot at the Dead Guy’s unfortunate name, or objectifying the Dead Guy, by including a shirtless shot of him. Then, I figured, “Hey, I look like a poopy head either way.”
So, I opted for both! EVERYBODY wins!)
Acting on impulse, Jason committed murder, in order to protect his bromantic buddy, Andy Bellefleur, from perceived harm . . .
. . . and if that’s not love, I don’t know what is!
This minisode pretty much starts right where Jason left off in Season 2. So, without further adieu, lets BRING ON THE STACKHOUSE!
(Oh, and before you push play, here’s a little hint for you. Pay VERY close attention to the final frame of this video. I have a feeling it will have MAJOR importance to Jason’s storyline this season . . . ;))
(Thanks again to ShirtlessLocke for posting this. I’m pretty sure I got a majority of these minisodes and True Blood trailers from you . . . In short, YOU RULE!)
SIX MINISODES and ONLY ONE shirtless male castmember image?
WTF HBO! (In case you were curious, I’m referring to Sam in Minisode 4, both as man and dog . . . Wait . . . does that count as one or two?)
Excess “shirt-age” aside, I think Jason’s minisode was a great “finale” to the Drop of True Blood minisode series. Kudos to Ryan Kwanten for giving a surprisingly intense performance, in the absolute last place we would expect one. God, Jesus, Mary Magdalene and Allah all appreciate your efforts. As do . . . “Confusion” . . .
Scientology,
Aliens,
and the Lion from Narnia.
“Awww man! Why couldn’t you put me next to the Fortune Cookie? Haven’t I been through enough?”
You know, until I watched this, I never realized how many DEATHS Jason had been implicated in since Season 1. R.I.P. Maudette, Dawn, Granny, Amy and Eggs. Something tells me you’ll all be in good company NEXT SEASON . . .
So, there you have it folks. SIX Weeks and SIX Minisodes. It’s been a long and hard wait, but June 13th is nearly here . . .
I’m so excited I could almost bite someone . . .
In fact, I’m pretty sure I am a danger to others. You might have to put me in handcuffs, to protect the masses . . .
I know, I know, I’m shameless, aren’t I? OK. I’m stopping now.
You may think I’m being annoying, with my excessive (and not always post-related) shirtless picture posting. But you’re going to miss these, when they’re gone! Trust me!
(Speaking of “missing” . . . if, by chance, you have missed any of the previous True Blood Minisodes, you can find links to all of them here.)
That’s all folks! True Blood Season 3 premieres June 13th at 9 p.m. on HBO (as if you needed reminding!). Be there . . . or Jason Stackhouse may never take his shirt off AGAIN!
Happy Tuesday, Fangbangers! Guess what? It’s time for yet another installment of HBO’s Drop of True Blood minisode series! (Just in case you didn’t figure that out from reading the title to this post . . .) This minisode stars none-other-than Bon Temps very own, recently kidnapped, Vampire Bill!
“Oh wow!” You say.
“Is he OK?” You wonder.
“Where are they keeping him? Is he being tortured?” You cry out, in anguish.
Unfortunately, I don’t know the answer to ANY of these questions. And watching this clip won’t exactly help YOU to answer them either. After all, this “mini” takes place in Vampire Bill’s house. And, in it, he’s just hanging out in his bathrobe, looking happy as a clam.
(Why do people always say that? Happy as a clam . . . Do YOU know any happy clams? Because if I was a clam, I think I’d be pretty friggin miserable ALL THE TIME . . . but that’s just me.)
But enough about clams . . . . back to the clip. It pretty obviously takes place before the Season 2 finale. Seeing as, during that episode, SOMEONE . . . you know . . . bound up Vampire Bill, gagged him, and dragged him away . . . presumably never to be seen until Season 3 AGAIN!
I’m thinking that — like the Sookie, Tara, and Lafayette scene that I posted here a few weeks ago — this minisode is yet another example of a “deleted scene” from Season 2. In it, a strange woman arrives at Vampire Bill’s home, late at night. And she has something HE wants . . . The question is, how far is he willing to go, to get it? You’ll just have to watch and see . . .
Thanks again to ShirtlessLocke, for allowing clip embedding!
OK . . . OK . . . I’ll admit it. My post title, my intro picture, and pretty much everything I wrote here, up until I embedded the YouTube clip, were all a bit misleading. But honestly, I don’t think ANYONE would have clicked on the link to this post, if I called it “Vampire Bill Scams a Cheap Engagement Ring Off Some Old Horny Broad.” Can you blame me for trying to spice things up a bit?
Now, those of you who have read my previous True Blood posts, already know that I have a tendency to be a bit down on our Fangy Friend, Mister Bill, here . . .
Now, don’t get me wrong! It’s not that I don’t like Vampire Bill! I DO! It’s just that he’s not . . . this guy . . .
. . . or this guy . . .
. . . or THESE guys . . .
. . . who, despite being on an ENTIRELY different show, still manage to surpass our pal, Bill, in the hot brooding vampire department.
That being said, major props to Stephen Moyer for inserting a nice bit of humor into this scene, and making Vampire Bill just a bit more likeable. Having watched this clip, I think we all gained a bit more insight into what truly makes Vampire Bill tick . . .
For example, we learned that he is FABULOUS bargain hunter! Bill Compton would be a great guy to bring along with you, if you were . . . say . . . heading to your local flea market (assuming, of course, that your “local flea market” keeps night hours . . .).
“Hey, would someone close the shades, please! I’m starting to decay . . .”
In this “important” scene, Bill also proved himself to be a loyal lover to Sookie.
Then again, I’d probably be a bit more impressed with his manly “restraint,” had his temptress not borne such a resemblance to my best friend’s grandmother . . .
Now Granny, I meant that in the nicest way possible! There’s no need to get all riled up! Did you forget to take your meds again?
Tune in next week for the FINAL minisode of the Drop of True Blood Series. After that . . . Next stop SEASON 3!
Heck! Even Josh Holloway is excited! And this isn’t even HIS show!
Just in case you’ve missed any of the True Blood goodies previously posted on this site, you can catch the extended promo for Season 3 of True Bloodhere. (Don’t forget to read the comment section. There, my blogging buddy, Lola (of Lovely Entropy fame), posted a FABULOUS True Blood sneak peak, one that will allow you to get a glimpse of what Vampire Eric looks like, after having endured SIX HOURS of nonstop sex!
Here’s a hint of what you might see . . .
Once you’re done drooling over that, feel free to check out past minisodes, by clicking . . .
Let's Go Shopping!
Buy Comeuppance!
Buy Hollywood Warlock!
Buy InGENEious!
Buy Life Sucks, Death Bites!
Buy Me and You, Inc.!
Snarky Goes to Hollywood!
The Exquisite Corpse
TV Recappers Anonymous 