The Vampire Diaries’ Ripper Redux – Part III (Feeding the Monster Within . . .)

“Who’s next in line to GET IN MY BELLY?” 

“Is it YOU?”

Welcome back, my darling Ripper-aholics!  Thank you for joining us for Part III of The Ripper Redux Chronicles.  Last week on The Ripper Redux, we traveled to Present Day, Mystic Falls,  to observe the first underpinings of Modern Day Ripper Stefan.  This week, it’s back to 1864, where we will learn how Stefan and Damon spent their first few days as vampires . . .

“Dammit, Stefan!  I just had this couch cleaned!  Must you always eat in the living room!”

Ironically, it is during these Darkest Days, that Stefan began to build two tenuous links to his humanity, both of which were destined to chart his fate for the rest of eternity: (1) his own vampire brother, and (2) his tremendous capacity for LOOOOOOOOVE . . .

*clears throat*  Did it just get hot in here?

I’m referring, of course, to the same Ripper Stefan who devoured all but one of Elena’s ancestors for dinner . . .

The Last Gilbert Standing . . . (well, actually, he was pretty much laying down, at the time) 

 . . .  and snacked on a trio of Lusty Ladies of the Night for dessert.  Here was a vampire whose appetite for blood and lust knew no bounds.  It is this Ripper Stefan who we meet in the series of flashbacks shown in Season 2’s “The Dinner Party” . . .

“Could I, perhaps, trouble you for a bib?” 

(By the way, for those of you who missed the two previous installments of this series, worry not!  You can check them out by clicking the links below:

Part I: Click Here

Part II: Click Here 

Bon appetite!)

“I had to turn it off.  It was the only way I could survive . . .”

Setting the Scene: 

Judging you . . .

So much for a romantic getaway!  Tensions between Stefan and Elena reach their height, when Stefan learns that Elena’s “agreement” with Elijah involves her sacrificing her own life to the Original Badass, Klaus (who we later learn is Elijah’s brother).  Elena’s got some ‘splaining to do!  But, as it turns out, she isn’t the only one . . .

At the Gilbert cottage, Elena finds an old diary of her ancestor, Jonathan Gilbert.  In it, he details his 1864 run-ins with then-newbie vampire, Stefan Salvatore.  And some of the things that Jonathan has to say about Elena’s boyfriend aren’t particularly nice . . .

“Damn, that Jonathan Gilbert!  I should have decapitated that Diary-Writing Douchebag, when I had the chance!  Oh, wait . . . that means Elena would never have been born.  Doesn’t it?  Hmm . . . nevermind then.”

Let’s watch the clip, shall we?

(Click the internal link to view.)

Potent Quotables:

Present Day –

ELENA:  “He described you as a monster.”

STEFAN:  “That’s what I was . . . In the weeks after I became a vampire, I relished in it.  I took it to the darkest place I could.”

(And later . . .)

ELENA: “It sounds like you were Damon.”

STEFAN: “I was worse.”

STEFAN (voiceover): “I wasn’t myself then.  I was full of guilt, for what I did to my father, my brother.  I had to turn it off.  It was the only way that I could survive.”

Flashback –

STEFAN: “Damon, don’t be like this.  I’m just having fun.”

DAMON: “Staying ALIVE is more fun Stefan.  We have to be more careful than this, more clever . . . like Katherine was.”

STEFAN: “Look where that got her.”

DAMON: “I’m done here . . . with YOU.  I’m leaving town.”

STEFAN: “You hate me . . . I know . . . an eternity of misery and all that . . . I know . . . But you don’t have to leave town.  Damon, I’ll do better.  I promise.”

DAMON: “No, you will get us killed.  I’d rather leave you to do that to yourself.”

Why this scene is a key moment in Ripper Canon:

 Julie:  The TVD writers have done an extremely good job of taking what we THINK we know about Stefan’s blood lusty past, and repeatedly turning it on its head.  (They will do so again, in the Season Finale.)   In the last scene from “Blood Brothers,” we saw Ghost Emily tell Stefan that his TRUE CURSE would be his inherent good heartedness, and the way in which the pain and guilt of his sins would eat him up inside forever.  Based on Stefan’s facial expression following the exchange, we knew that Emily’s words had a definite effect on him.  However, the effect wasn’t exactly what you would expect . . .

“Screw YOU, Emily!” 

Also, in that episode, we saw Damon wash his hands of Stefan for the role the latter played in his at least-partially unwilling vampire transition.  The Elder Salvatore Brother vowed, right then and there, to make his little brother’s life miserable for all eternity.  The exchange suggested that Damon left town that evening, “turned off his emotions,” and immediately became the Bad Boy Vamp we know and love today . . .

In this scene, however, we learn that wasn’t the case.  Despite his anger at Stefan, Damon, apparently, still felt enough kinship with and brotherly responsibility toward Stefan to stay with him for a few more weeks.  But every relationship has its breaking point.  And THIS was Damon’s . . .

Amy:  Bloodaholic Stefan has the addict behaviors down pat here: the benders, the denial, the pleading when faced with consequences. In this brief flashback we see him slurping away at many a willing victim (“Me! I’m next!” those Civil War belles sure were slutty!) in what is basically a Blood Orgy of sorts.  His growling as he feeds, the girls moans, the seeming pleasure that hunter and prey are both getting off on are as close to S-E-X as TVD is allowed to get away with on the CW . . .

“Was it as good for you, as it was for me?” 

Julie:  Ummm . . . I’ll have what she’s having. 😉  Now that you mention it, New Vamp Stefan definitely seems a bit crazier, and more maniacal, than Seasoned Vamp Stefan.  (So much for “not wasting the blood,” and “not making a mess!”)  Having not yet sufficiently mastered the “talents” required to become the cold calculating killer we witnessed in “Miss Mystic Falls,” when Stefan chews on his Victorian Honeys, he seems more in need of a feeding trough and a roll of extra-absorbant paper towels, than anything else . . .

And yet, New Vamp Stefan does share a couple of traits with the Blood-Lusty Stefan of “Miss Mystic Falls”: namely, an enjoyment of killing, and a complete lack of concern for his human victims .  . .

Amy:   Enjoyment of killing, indeed!  Ripper Stefan is having a grand old time doing his Biting Thing, until Wet Blanket Big Bro Damon arrives to compel the Slutty Belles out of La Casa de Rich and Awesome 1.0, and smack some sense into him.

“Come on, Stefan!  We don’t even know whether or not vampires can get STD’s, yet!  Can you imagine having crabs for all eternity?” 

This is where Stefan becomes quite the Little Brother with his rationalizations (No worries about the Founding Families, he’s gonna kill them soon, anyway), whining (that line “Damon don’t be like this, I’m just having fun” is delivered in such a bratty tone), justifying his “weeks” of binging on willing ladies’ necks and putting the Salvatores at risk, by exposing the lie that they survived both human – and vampire deaths.

Source

Julie: Good point, Amy!  You know, it’s interesting that, in his voiceover, Stefan claims that “turning off his emotions” was his chosen method of coping with his guilt, during those Early Vampire Days.  And yet, just like in “Blood Brothers,” here we see Stefan, once again, become rather emotional, when the Elder Salvatore makes his SECOND threat to leave Stefan alone to his own devices.

Source

Stefan’s childlike entreaties for his brother to stay with him, (“I’ll do better.  I promise!”), stand in stark contrast, to his monstrous acts earlier in the episode.  Here is an individual who is DEATHLY afraid of being alone with himself, and his own powerfully devastating emotions.  Despite the fact that, during the act of killing, Stefan genuinely seems to be able to effectively turn off his humanity, it always seems to bite him in the ass, immediately after feeding . . . kind of like a bad hangover that just won’t go away.

“I have SUCH a headache.  I’m never drinking AGAIN, I swear!  I’m sticking to bunnies, from now on . . .” 

Amy:  When Damon lays down the law – that he is done with Stefan for good – that’s when the facade of not giving a sh*t and calling the downward spiral he’s on “fun” comes crashing down and Stefan is faced with what he couldn’t face the night he became a vampire: going on without his brother. The desperate tone his voice takes – the way he grasps at Damon as he stalks off – he’s pathetic really.  As Julie notes, he is terrified of being alone with himself and feeling all that he is so anxious to “turn off”. But he also needs Damon with him.

His “turning” of Damon into a vampire didn’t go quite as planned, with the “lifetime of eternal misery” and such.  But maybe he had hope since Damon stuck around that what he did to his brother could be forgiven – OR perhaps he imagined they would enjoy the kind of brutal partnership that we now know Klaus has planned for him . . .

Source

Julie: I’m glad you brought up the whole Klaus Connection.  I remember watching this episode for the first time, and being EXTREMELY disappointed with the whole “I Stopped Being Bad Stefan, Because Lexi Taught Me the True Meaning of Love” explanation.

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I just thought it was such a cop out, on the writers’ part.  I mean, here we were assuming that Stefan’s Bloodlust was something he battled with, on and off,  for 160+ -some odd years, and then this flashback comes along, which suggests it only lasted 160 some odd hours. 

Now, we see that Stefan DID, in fact, have a “drinking problem,” LONG AFTER meeting Lexi.  In fact, in “As I Lay Dying,” Klaus suggests that Ripper Stefan was alive and well, as recently as 1917.  This, of course, makes things a lot more interesting, as it potentially paves the way for us to see some still-darker flashbacks of Ripper Stefan in Season 3.  It also makes me wonder whether Stefan intentionally misled Elena about the extent of his dark past, in this episode . . .

Amy:  Heck yeah!  Bring on more Ripper Stefan!

The mirror of this scene is at least a dozen others we’ve seen in present day Mystic Falls – in which Damon acts cruel, flippant and ignorant to whatever pleas or demands Stefan is making of him.

To find out that at the beginning those roles were reversed adds yet another layer to the very complicated relationship and history of the Brothers Salvatore. Personally, I hope in S3 we explore more how Stefan thinks himself “worse” than Damon. Was that our first clue that he was less Lexi’s Reformed Vamp Buddy . . .

. . .  than he was the “ripper” of Klaus’ wingman fantasies?

Source

Julie:  I guess we will have to wait until September 15th to find out, won’t we?

“Damn you, CW!  DAMN YOU!”

HOWEVER . . . speaking of Stefan and Klaus, Part IV of this series tackles Stefan’s jaw-dropping degradation into his Ripper self, at the hands of the Original Were-Vamp, as seen in TVD’s EPIC Season 2 finale, “As I Lay Dying.”  You will be able to find THAT installment over at Amy’s spectacular Imaginary Men blog, sometime next week.

Until then, HAPPY FANGING!

[www.juliekushner.com] [Fangirls Forever – (Now featuring Team Ripper-themed t-shirts!)]

The Vampire Diaries’ Ripper Redux – Part II (a.k.a. Stefan’s “I’m Freaking HUNGRY!” Moment)

Greeting Fangbangers!  Those of you who have visited this blog before, know that I’m obsessed with a little episode of TVD called “Miss Mystic Falls;” and that I am, specifically, enamored with a certain Very Erotic Mating Dance that takes place during the hour .  . .

But what you might not know, is that I am equally obsessed with ANOTHER scene that takes place during the episode . . . one that is as dark and disturbing, as the above scene is romantic and enchanting.  And yet, in its own way, this second scene is arguably just as seductive . . .

In this week’s installment of The Ripper Redux, my brilliant (not to mention, hilarious) blogging pal, Amy (over at Imaginary Men) and I, have analyzed every tantalizing morsel of what is, arguably, one of Stefan’s most deliciously dark moments of The Vampire Diaries‘ groundbreaking first season.  You can read the post in its entirety, by clicking on the link below . . . IF YOU DARE!

The Vampire Diaries’ Ripper Redux – A look back at some of the most pivotal scenes in Ripper Stefan Canon (Part II)

(By the way, for those of you who missed Part I of this series, featuring Damon’s and Stefan’s going through “The Change,” worry not!  You can still check that out, right on this blog, by clicking HERE.)

So, what are we waiting for TVD fans?  Let’s see what Stefan’s got hiding underneath that Nice Guy Vampire Costume, he always seems to be wearing . . .

And be sure to stop back on THIS blog, next week, when Amy and I analyze Ripper Stefan’s notoriously evil flashback moments from Season 2’s “The Dinner Party.”

See you, then! 😉

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

“Stronger, Meaner . . . SEXY!” – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ Season 2 Premiere “The Return”

I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch
Oh the bitch is back
Stone cold sober as a matter of fact
I can bitch, I can bitch
`Cause I’m better than you
It’s the way that I move
The things that I do

                                            –– lyrics from Elton John’s oh-so-apropos-to-this-episode song, “The Bitch is Back”

*      *       *       *

“But you’re different.  Stronger, meaner . . . SEXY!”

These iconic words were uttered by Katherine at around the halfway point of The Vampire Diaries Season Premiere episode, “The Return.”  And, while they were certainly accurate, regarding the person to whom they refer [Stefan], if this episode is any indication, I would extend the comment to the ENTIRE Second Season of The Vampire Diaries.  After all, “The Return” was ALL of those adjectives, rolled into one deliciously bloody package.  STRONGER . . .

MEANER . . .

and most definitely SEXY!

But before I begin recapping this AMAZING episode, perhaps we should get some “academic” stuff out of the way, first.  If you are a “fangbanger” (i.e. LOVER of all things VAMPIRE) like I am, you probably already know that this genre comes with RULES.  And each vampire story — be it a television show, or a movie, or a book — tweaks those rules a little bit, to meet its needs.   Here are some examples:

Rule:  All vampires must act suspiciously Mormon . . .

Rule:  All vampires must act definitively NOT Mormon!

Understanding the vampire RULES of a particular story is important because it will help you understand the story itself.  It also might help you to predict what comes next.  And being able to predict what comes next, makes you SMART.  Kind of like THIS GUY . . .

The Vampire Diaries’ RULES were of particular importance to this episode  – perhaps, more so than any episode of the show that has aired so far.  So, without further adieu.  Here are our RULES:

1) The Ugly Ass Ring of (sort of) Immortality

For whatever reason, The Vampire Diaries has put much emphasis on this . . . the ugliest ring I have EVER SEEN!  This is the kind of ring that, if a kid found it in his cereal box, it would probably make him cry . . .

In fact, I’m convinced that the reason that people tend not to DIE when they are wearing this ring, is that they wouldn’t want to be caught DEAD IN IT!  (Sorry, Papa Gilbert!)  Ugly Ass Ring protects the wearer from death by any supernatural being, regardless of whether the death itself contained within it any sort of supernatural element.  So, for example, Ugly Ass Ring would protect you from Damon, and his penchant for breaking people’s necks . . .

. . . or HUNGRY Stefan, and his tendency toward the Accidental Draining of Humans . . .

. . . or Katherine and her love of (staking, hand chopping, pillow smothering, strangling, carotid artery devouring, etc.)

But, it would not protect you from drowning (again, sorry Papa Gilbert!) or from Useless Aunt Jenna BORING you to death . . .

(Note:  Ugly Ass Ring is not to be confused with “Sunscreen Ring,” which Damon, Stefan, Katherine, and seemingly EVERY vampire on the show wears to enable them to walk in the sun.  Clearly, there was a HUGE sale on Sunscreen Rings back at Vamp-Mart!  Ugly Ass Rings, however, are exceedingly rare.)

2) The Healing Powers of Vampire Blood

If ingested prior to, or shortly after injury, Vampire Blood can heal you, or, possibly, SAVE YOUR LIFE!

But it only lasts about 24 hours.  After that, you get hurt?  Get dead?  YOU’RE SCREWED!

3) Turning into a vampire . . .

If you’ve ingested vampire blood, and then DIE the same day — OR you ingest vampire blood at or near the time of your death — you WILL become a vampire.  Once that happens, you have THREE DAYS to feed on human blood, or you will die . . . for good, this time.

So, now that we’ve all got our RULES down, LET’S START THE SHOW!

“911.  What’s your emergency?”

Season 2 picks up literally right where Season 1 ended.  However, it replays the events from a slightly different perspective, so that fans can fill in the gaps of what actually went on here.  Again, we see Damon kiss Katherine, thinking she’s Elena . . .

. . . which is interrupted by LAME and Useless Aunt Jenna’s arrival.   She also INVITES Katherine inside!  (MORON!)  Useless Aunt Jenna then conveniently leaves to “talk to the fire chief,” or something else random like that.  Katherine explains this to Uncle / Father / Whatever John Gilbert, before CHOPPING HIS FINGERS OFF AND STAKING HIM IN THE TUMMY!

That’s ONE way to dispose of the Ugly Ass Ring . . .

Cut to Elena chatting with Stefan about how her “stuff” got stolen (by Katherine).  She wants Stefan to pick her up at the house and take her to the hospital to check on Caroline.  But when Elena enters the house she finds THIS . . .

Elena attempts to staunch John’s bleeding, while calling for an ambulance.  However, she SHOULD be calling for THIS GIRL, instead . . .

 John whispers something to Elena.  She can’t hear him, so she asks him to repeat himself.  “BEHIND YOU!”  He repeats, echoing what fans have been yelling at their television screens during the ENTIRE 911 call!

Elena then rushes up to Jeremy’s bedroom and finds him, as Season 1 left him, OD’ed on pills, passed out, and with a smidgeon of Vampire Anna’s blood in his system.  (IS HE DEAD?  HAS HE TURNED VAMP?) 

Elena screams his name a few times, and shakes him.  At first he is unresponsive.  However, after what seemed like WAY TOO LONG, he awakens, gasping loudly for air.

Cue the title card, which I am told is NEW, but looks more or less the same to me.  (I think they just added a blood drip, and took the old flower away.)

The CW Graphics Department:  Changing the way you view The Vampire Diaries . . . one missing flower at a time . . .

“You mean, I’m NOT a vampire?  Damn!”

Stefan arrives just as Uncle / Father / Whatever John is being carted off into the ambulance.  Elena rushes to Stefan telling him what SHE thinks happened — that one of the Tomb Vampires (a.k.a. Hidey Hole Vamps) followed her home, and staked Uncle / Father / Whatever for sh&ts and giggles.  Elena then takes Stefan into Jeremy’s room, where Stefan does some sort of creepy Jedi Mind Trick on him, to make sure he’s not a vampire.  (Why not just check his pulse?)  “He’s fine,” Dr. Stefan confirms.

“You mean, I’m not a vampire?  Damn!”  Jeremy pouts, reminding us just how young the character actually is. (And, in the process, making all fans over the age of 20, feel just a little dirty for lusting after him, in his new tan and floppy hairdo).

Elena can’t understand, for the LIFE of her, why ANYONE would want to be undead, and she tells Jeremy as much . . . RIGHT IN FRONT OF STEFAN.  (Ummm . . . yeah . . . way to be a supportive girlfriend, Fangbanger!)

Apparently, Elena only likes SPECIFIC portions of “vampire” inside of her . . .

Dr. Stefan explains to Jeremy that he didn’t take enough pills to off himself (SUICIDE FAIL!).  The “Kinder Gentler Vamp” then slaps Jeremy around a bit for talking back to Mommy and not eating his peas at dinner to convince him not to attempt SUICIDE THE SEQUEL.  Sure, Anna’s blood saved Jeremy’s life once.  But after a few hours, it will be gone from his system.  And next time, he might not be so lucky.  Mommy and Daddy Stefan and Elena ultimately decide to GROUND Jeremy.  Then, Elena heads off to the hospital alone, to check on Caroline.

“Does this mean I won’t get Christmas presents from Santa?”

“You’ve GOT to be KIDDING ME!”

“Ex-Girlfriend-Look-Alike-Who-I-REALLY-Want-to-Bang say WHAT?”

Back at the hospital, Matt and Bonnie are waiting outside Caroline’s room comforting one another . . .

 . . . while a surprisingly sensitive Damon comforts Caroline’s mom . . .

Which one is the cougar?

Then Elena comes, and Matt and Caroline’s mom inexplicably disappear (as both are wont to do, whenever anything good happens on this show).  Damon taunts Bonnie a bit about her inability to cure Caroline through witchiness.  He suggests that HE can heal Caroline by feeding her.  “The blood will be out of her system in a day,” explained Damon, nonchalantly.  (There go those RULES again .  . .)

Elena is skeptical about the whole thing, but Bonnie agrees with Damon.

 Then, Damon asks Bonnie if they can have “a TRUCE” and Bonnie says, “No!”

(Saying no to Damon?  That girl’s got some CAJONES!  Clearly, she’s never seen him do the Eye Thing . . .)

 Speaking of the Eye Thing, after Bonnie leaves, Damon lays a strong heaping helping of the stuff on Elena.  His fingers deftly grabbing hold of her tiny wrist, Damon propositions Elena to talk about “The Kiss that Made the Whole World Drool.”

“Listen, I know this is a bad time to discuss this, but I really think we should talk about what happened last night on the porch.”

(Oh, Damon.  You kissed a girl, and you actually want to TALK about it?  Boy, you ARE SMITTEN!  You are so DEEP in SMIT, it is not even funny. — Special thanks to Amy, for the “Deep in Smit” line ;)).

Elena, who of course, has NO CLUE what Damon is talking about, blows him off. 

“I know you want to forget about it, but I CAN’T!”  Damon stage whispers.

(Tsk, tsk . . . he’s like a needy pre-teen girlfriend.  Poor Damon!)

But just when we are about to have fun, Useless Aunt Jenna arrives, to spoil things again . . .

It’s Dr. Feel Bored!

Elena asks Jenna where she’s been.  When Jenna starts explaining how she SPOKE to Elena earlier (about her lame fire department errand), and Elena looks dumbfounded, Damon finally puts two and two together.  “You have GOT to be KIDDING ME!”  He exclaims, as the realization that he has just been Katherine-d, reaches his  skull . . .

“At least I fooled ONE of you . . .”

Stefan is at the Gilbert home babysitting Jeremy, when “Elena” returns (but WE know it’s actually Katherine, because she’s got big curly “F*ck Me” hair, and wears A LOT of eye makeup).

Stefan asks “Elena” about how Caroline is doing.  She says, “Not good,” and pulls him in for a hug.  Suddenly Stefan is TOTALLY vamped out, and has pushed Katherine against the wall.  (Unlike his brother, Stefan KNOWS his Straight Hair from his F*ck Me Hair!)

“Elena’s rollers don’t make curls that big.  And I would know, because I have borrowed them on MANY occasions . . .”

But the older, stronger, Katherine eventually gets the best of Stefan, and flips him to the ground like a WWF wrestler, disappearing just as Damon and Elena arrive back at the house.

Where do I know this facial expression from?

Yep!  That’s the one!

“What happened?”  A still clueless Elena inquires.

“Katherine happened,” explains Damon.

“If Katherine wants you dead, there is ZERO you can do about it!”

After heading upstairs to explain everything that is going on to Jeremy, Elena returns to the living room for the First Salvatore Summit of Season 2!

This small scene had some of the BEST quotes in the WHOLE episode!  So, please forgive me, if this section reads more like a script, than a recap.

“Katherine was in the house.  That means she’s been invited in by my Useless Aunt Jenna.  What do we do?”  Elena asks, nervously.

“MOVE preferably to mine and Stefan’s La Casa de Rich and Awesome,”  Damon snarks.  “Listen, if Katherine wants you dead you will be dead.  And there’s zero you can do about it.  But you’re NOT dead.  So, clearly, she has other plans.”

“Actually, Elena, I just stopped by to see if you would give me dance lessons.  And to ask whether you would mind terribly, if I ruined your ENTIRE life.”

But Stefan’s not really thinking about Homeland Security, right now.  He’s more concerned with GIRLFRIEND security.  Stefan wants to know what Katherine meant when she said, “At least I fooled one of you.”

Damon very proudly admits to falling for Katherine’s evil Elena Faking tricks, if only to lay this gem on his little brother.  “Just to prevent any more frown lines from forming on your very crowded forehead.  We kissed.”

“HEY!  I DO NOT HAVE WRINKLES!  I engage in a thorough cleansing and moisturing regimen on my face EVERY NIGHT, using six different creams . . .”

But, just in case, Stefan was unclear as to what Damon meant, Damon willingly elaborated.  “Two lips pucker and they .  . . (makes kissy noises).”

Now THOSE are lips MADE for kissing!

Stefan vampire lunges at Damon, but Elena stops the brawl, by explaining that SHE would NEVER kiss Damon.  (Nevermind, that she ALMOST kissed him, about 6 times last season . . .)

DENIAL, ain’t just a river in Egypt, Elena!

Once all the COCK fighting is done . . .

 . . . the next item on the agenda is figuring out what Katherine WANTS.

“She’s Katherine.   She loves to play games,” offers Damon. 

His proffered solution?  “Ignore the bitch . . .  then, we’ll stake her .  . . rip her head off . . . something poetic . . .”

(Ummmm .  . . and what kind of effed up POETRY is that, Damon?)

Elena’s and Stefan’s idea is a bit more cogent.   They figure, since Katherine tried to KILL Uncle / Father / Whatever John, he must know her motive.   So, off AGAIN to the hospital they go.

There, we learn that (1) Caroline’s alive (at least, for now); and

 . . . she has BAD taste in television.

I guess it would be too “meta” for her to watch The Vampire Diaries.

“I will turn you into a vampire, and watch you hate yourself more than you already do.”

“Uncle John, your lipstick is a bit smudged.  Mind if I fix it for you?”

Once Uncle John is done freaking out at the sight of his own biological daughter, who he THINKS is Katherine, Elena returns his Ugly Ass Ring, to what looks like his re-attached fingers?  Perhaps, Elena neatly packed them in brown doggie bag, before carting John off in the ambulance?  (She can be very maternal that way.)  Otherwise, I’m not quite sure how they got back . . .

“Look MA!  No hands!”

Uncle John, who’s basically IGNORED Elena her whole life (not to mention, LEFT her with USELESS AUNT JENNA!), suddenly decides he’s Father of the Year, and, therefore, deserves a say in his daughter’s life.  He starts talking smack on Stefan.  “Kill me, or get out!  Because I can’t stand the sight of you with MY daughter!”  He grandstands, looking SUPER manly, in his wimpy plastic hospital gown.

But Elena isn’t having ANY of it.    “You see the world with such hatred.  It is going to get you killed,” she seethes, before storming out and leaving her Bio Dad alone with an angry vampire.

That’s when Stefan does this . . .

“Tastes like chicken.”

After forcing a nice heaping portion of Type Vampire Blood down Uncle John’s throat, Stefan explains that if John doesn’t leave town within 24 hours (There’s that RULE again.), “I will turn you into a vampire, and watch you hate yourself more than you already do.”

(Sidenote:  It’s interesting to see this New Stefan, who has learned, since last season, to dole out his rage in a more controlled and effective manner.  No more munching on pageant princesses, when the hunger gets to be too much.  Also, Stefan’s comment to Uncle John about self-loathing, is a bit ironic — seeing as how, last season, Stefan was the most self-loathing vampire ON THE PLANET.  He used to believe that part of himself made him a monster.  Now he sees that he can use it to protect those he loves and get what he wants.  This scene is a perfect example of that.)

When Stefan admitted to Elena what he did, I expected her to be pissed and judgy.  But she was CLEARLY turned on by the whole thing . . .

“I’m totally undressing you with my eyes now, Stefan.”

Aren’t we all, Elena.  Aren’t we all . . .

“We haven’t officially met.  I’m Katherine.”

Meanwhile, the ENTIRE rest of the town seems to be at the Mayor’s mansion for the former Mayor Lockwood’s pre-funeral party(?), post-funeral party(?) . . . Whatever, it was, most of the guests were dressed more like they were going to hoedown,then to the home of a once prominent community figure.  Particularly, THIS GUY . . .

 . . . Mason Lockwood, who has many times been referred to as the “black sheep” of the Lockwood family, because he . . . likes surfing . . .

So, it was surprising to see this “black sheep” dressed in ALL WHITE.  Seriously, his outfit looked like the pajamas they make patients wear in mental hospitals.  (Note to Taylor Kinney’s wardrobe designer:  Was NOT a fan of Mason’s duds.  HOWEVER, I do have some pictoral suggestions, as to how you can remedy this problem.  Wanna see?)

Now, isn’t that much better?

At the mansion, Bonnie and Damon are busy engaging in Witty Eventually-We-Will-Screw Repartee.

“So, Bonnie, do you generally prefer to be on top, or on bottom?”

Damon taunts Bonnie, bragging about how he saved Caroline’s life.  This was the same life that Bonnie had put at risk, by handing over to Uncle John the Supernatural Dog Whistle thing that made Were Tyler swerve off the road, tossing Caroline’s body, rag doll style from the car.  Bonnie doesn’t like hearing the truth about herself.  So, she uses her witchy powers to shoot a large slushie in Damon’s mouth . . .

“At least she didn’t throw it in my face, like the do to all those Glee kids!”

 . . . giving him a massive case of BRAIN FREEZE!

At the exact same time, KATHERINE is entering the mansion, because TYLER invited her in, thinking she was Elena.  Bonnie also thinks she’s Elena.  So, she starts whining to the vamp about Damon, in such a way that you just KNOW she already has the hots for him.  “He just makes me sooooo UGGHHHH!”  She gripes.  (How many times have we heard THAT line in teen shows?  “UGHHHHHH” clearly = horny)

Bonnie also conveniently explains to Katherine how Caroline has Damon’s vamp blood in her system for a few more hours.  (Important later.)  But when Bonnie touches Katherine, her spidey sense tells her , “That’s one EVIL Bitch!”

“That’s my name.  Don’t wear it out.”

Bonnie’s suspicions are confirmed when she calls Elena on her cell phone, while Katherine is still in her line of sight, and Elena answers.  Bonnie tries to escape, but it’s too late.  “We haven’t met yet.   I’m Katherine,” says the vampire politely, before shoving Bonnie up against a wall and choking her.

Bonnie once again uses her inner Slushie to temporarily gain control, but Katherine regains it easily.  Finally, Bonnie is forced to spell the doors open, exposing Katherine to the rest of Mystic Falls.  And so, she is forced to behave.  How boring.  Fortunately, Stefan has arrived, to make things interesting for her (and us . . .)

“Wanna play with me?”

After drooling a bit over Elena’s ex and Caroline’s current Guy Friday, Matt  (“UGHHHHH . . . His eyes are SO BLUE!”  She coos.  See what I mean about the UGGHHHHH?), Katherine takes Stefan outside for a little chat.  “You wanna play with me,” she asks flirtatiously.

“How do I play, if I don’t know the rules?”  He inquires.

“No rules, Stefan,” she replies.

After being told he’s stronger, meaner, and sexy, the obviously aroused, Stefan (Can you blame him?  These two are HOT together, with a capital “OT”!), finally remembers he has a girlfriend.  “Don’t flirt with me, Katherine.  I’m not Damon.  I haven’t been pining over you for 145 years.”

“Based on your current choice of girlfriends, I’d say differently,” Katherine demurs (TOUCHE!)

Throughout the whole scene, the two characters are up in one another’s grills so much, you can almost see the steam rising from their bodies.  Katherine explains that she came back for Stefan — that it was always Stefan, and that it hurts that he has fallen for someone else.    Stefan assures her that he never loved her, that everything they had together was as a result of her compulsion on him, and that she is a “lying, selfish, manipulative bitch,” who he hates. (Gee Stefan, why don’t you tell us how you REALLY feel?)

“Hate, huh?   The way I see it, that’s the beginning of a love story, not the end,” posits Katherine, before calmly staking Stefan in the stomach with a poker.

Who knew the phrase “love hurts” could be taken so literally?

“Doppelganger hijinks ensued.”

“A Broody Damon is a Sexy Damon.  Heck, ANY Damon is a Sexy Damon!”

While Team Kefan fans are drooling over the Katherine / Stefan drama OUTSIDE, Team Delena fans are waiting hopefully for their favorite couple to return to their happy place, INSIDE.  Elena approaches Damon all concerned, and shrinky, wanting to “talk about his feelings.”   (Oh sure!  NOW she wants to talk . . .)  Back to being a typical dude, Damon claims he’s just fine.  “Doppelganger hijinks ensued,” and he lived to tell the tale.  (Give this man an “I SURVIVED Doppelganger Hijinks” t-shirt, please.)

But, not knowing when to give up, Elena keeps pushing Damon to open up, claiming that he is “hurt,” and in trying to deny that hurt will do something stupid.  (Gee, foreshadow, much?)

Knowing she’s right, Damon changes the subject to one he’s more interested in, “The Kiss.”  Clearly, all this time, some part of Damon (and some part of US fans) believed that, if Elena was on the porch with Damon that night, SHE would have kissed him too.  And its THAT thought, that keeps Damon going during what has already been a difficult episode for him.  And it’s about to get much worse.  “Why are you so surprised I would kiss you?”  Damon inquires probingly.

“I’m not surprised you kissed me.  I’m surprised you thought I would kiss you back,” responds Elena, without tone or emotion.

Massive hole in Damon’s heart #1

“Now, I’m hurt,” said Damon, sorrowfully, as the fans’ hearts collectively ache right along with his . . .

“I’d fight me!”

After skewering Damon’s most vital organ (at least, aside from his YOU-KNOW-WHAT), Elena heads outside to find Stefan hunched over, and nursing his own puncture wound.  Dr. Stefan, Nurse Elena is now reporting for duty!

Damon arrives outside, just in time to see Elena helping Stefan lift up his shirt, revealing those INSANE abdominals of his.  “Cover up, Fabio!  There’s a crazy ex on the loose!”  Damon needles.

“Hey, Fabio’s got NOTHING on ME!”

“Hey, was STEFAN ever in an “I Can’t Believe it’s NOT Butter,” commercial?   I don’t think so!”

Knowing the start of a Classic Pissing Contest when she sees one, Elena scampers away, and let’s the two “manly men,” duke it out over her LOVE (or lack thereof).  Damon gets in Stefan’s face and taunts him, desperately looking for a fight.

“Come ON!  Fight me!  I’d fight me!”  Damon taunts, shadow boxing like the adorable ten-year old he is deep down.

But Stefan is NO ten year old.  He’s not even a real 18 year old.  Stefan is 162.  And somewhere within the past year, he became “mature.” 

Maturity sucks!  I want to see a fight!

And yet, as much as I was disappointed that Damon and Stefan weren’t going to have a repeat of their classic Pilot Episode throwdown, I was PROUD of Stefan for FINALLY, after an entire season, being able to see the humanity in Damon.  “You kissed [Elena] because you feel something for her.   You care.  It means you are WILLING to feel something.”

Yep, Damon feels something all right . . .

But all joking aside, this was a very Sweet Salvatore Brother moment.  It was a moment when two brothers put aside their differences, and agreed to battle a common enemy, an enemy intent on tearing them apart.  You go BOYS!  (Plus, I’m sure they’ll fight over Elena at some point this season.  So, we haven’t totally missed out. . . . After all, good things come to those who wait.)

Speaking of fights . . . how did you LIKE Tyler tackling his MOM?

It takes a REAL man to fight a Mommy!

Mason explains to Tyler that his untenable rage is a result of the “Curse of Lockwood.”  (a.k.a. Were-curse)  And yet, you know what curse, I think Tyler has?  Curse of the Douchebag, that’s what!

Also on the NOT-Fighting list were Jeremy and Uncle / Father / Whatever John, who engaged in a rationale mature conversation about the merits of vampires (Jeremy was PRO, Uncle John, obviously, CON), whether Papa Gilbert was a vampire lover, the responsibility that comes with knowing supernatural secrets, and why the Ugly Ass Ring of Immortality didn’t save Jeremy’s Pop’s from death (See RULES above . . .).  On first watch, this seemed like a throwaway scene — seeing as Uncle John was skipping town, anyway.  However, I’ve come to view this little scene as one of the most important ones in the episode.  More on that later.

“Kiss me or kill me, which one will it be?”

I know, I know!  Damon never FULLY took his shirt off in THIS, the HOTTEST scene in TVD history.  But I really like this picture.  So, I decided to use it.  You got a problem with that? 🙂

After having what seemed to me like the crappiest day EVER (heart broken, brain frozen, no one to wrestle with), Damon arrives back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome to find Katherine sitting on his couch, in front of the Perpetually Burning Fire (of Damon’s heart).  The two banter back and forth a bit, testing eachother’s boundaries.  Katherine claims she’s leaving.  (LIE!)  Damon calls Katherine old. (BURN!)  Etcetera, etcetera, so on and so forth . . .

Until, Katherine utters her iconic line.  “Kiss me, or kill me, which one will it be?”

That’s when things get REALLY interesting . . .

At first, it seemed as though Damon would get the battle he was looking for.  Him and Katherine rolled on the floor together for bit, snarling and scratching eachother, testing eachothers’ ability to withstand pain.  But the more they clawed, the hotter they both became.  Suddenly, Damon was straddling Katherine, and kissing her neck and her lips.  And . . . yes . . . I do believe dry humping was involved.  Katherine closed her eyes in ecstacy.  “See?  That’s better,” she whispered, lustfully.

(See what you’re missing, Elena.  I gather STEFAN doesn’t go for rough sex!)

Then Katherine rises from the floor, and the two start fighting again.  Katherine pushes Damon against the wall.  She rips open his shirt.  He rips open hers.   And . . . . we are back to making out and dry humping . . . For a few moments, it REALLY looks like we are going to get an honest to goodness sex scene on the CW.  But then, to everyone’s MASSIVE disappointment, Damon, ever the glutton for punishment, requests a “brief pause.”

“WHAT . . . IS . . . WRONG . . . WITH  . . . YOU?!”

Poor Damon!  Well into his mid 160’s and STILL equating sex with love!  Silly boy!  Katherine is a Trick, and Trix are FOR KIDS!  A very emotional Damon tells Katherine that he will be willing to forget her basically screwing him over for  century and a half, if she just answers ONE question.  And, of course, we ALL know what that question will be . . . )

(LIE, KATHERINE!  LIE LIKE THE WIND — SO YOU CAN GET LAID . . .  and WE can WATCH!)

But Katherine DOESN’T lie.  She tells Damon that she NEVER loved him.  And that it was ALWAYS Stefan that owned her black heart.

The utter pain on Damon’s face in this moment, was enough to literally bring tears to my eyes.  I’m guessing brain freeze sounds like a good alternative to what you are feeling right now, huh Damon?

Massive holes in Damon’s hear #’s 2 through 145. 

“He got his wish.  I hate him!”

With all Damon endured during this episode, was it any wonder he turned toward the bottle?  Wouldn’t YOU?  At the Gilbert house, in Elena’s bedroom, Elena initially tried to comfort Damon, and stop him from being self-destructive.  She’s seen this train wreck coming ALL episode long, ever since Katherine re-entered their lives.  And yet, up until the last moment, she is still trying to avoid it.  Damon calls Elena a liar, for denying her feelings for him (which may very well be true.  But, of coruse, he is going about it ALL WRONG).

Then, in a move filled with heartbreak and desperation, Damon grabs Elena’s face and pulls it in for kiss, struggling with her as she tries to pull away.  The scene functions as a perfect contrast to the slow, sultry and gentle kiss that occurred between Damon and Faux-lena in the Season 1 Finale. 

Now, I’m Team Delena ALWAYS, so I was REALLY looking for something to get me hot in this kiss.  But, admittedly, there was very little.  Damon was too broken and too drunk to really work his mojo with Elena, and melt her heart the way we all KNOW he can.   This was Face Rape . . . plain and simple.  “I care about you.  I do.  I care about you,” Elena admits tearfully.  “But I love Stefan.  It has always been Stefan.”

(And, thus, we bear witness to the SECOND time in the episode, during which someone explicitly chooses Stefan over Damon.)

But this last one causes Damon to break, totally and completely.  After years of pushing aside his emotions, he finally let them win.  He fell in love . . .twice.  And all he got for it was heartbreak and pain.  He wants to turn off his feelings — the Great Vampire Myth, never truly realized.  He wants Elena to hurt the way he hurts.  But how?

And then it happens.  When Jeremy comes into the room, to see what all the commotion is about, we SEE Damon drunkenly rationalizing his next move, in that blurred head of his.  Others may dispute me, but I TRULY believe I saw him eye Jeremy’s hands, which were folded protectively across his chest.  Not just his hands.  His FINGERS. 

Then, Damon grabs Jeremy by the neck.  “You wanna be a vampire?”  He yells in the face of a petrified Jeremy.  “You wanna know what it’s like to turn your feelings off?  It’s really simple.  All you have to do is flip the switch and. . . SNAP,” concludes Damon, twisting Jeremy’s neck in one sharp turn, just as he did to Vicki the previous season.

Damon staggers backward, as Jeremy drops to the floor. Elena rushes to him, holding his hand to feel for a pulse.  Damon looks on sadly for a few moments, before leaving Elena alone to mourn.  (See?  If he REALLY thought Jeremy was dead, I DOUBT he’d be able to leave that calmly — especially in the highly emotional state he was in.)

Alone, a crying Elena looks at Jeremy’s fingers and sees the Ugly Ass Ring of Immortality, which, Uncle John must have given him prior to his departure from Mystic Falls.  Jeremy will live, it seems.  Now, Elena will just have to wait for him to wake up.  And then Stefan magically appears . . .

“I’m serious.  I have no clue when or how he got there.”

While Elena cradles Jeremy in her arms, waiting for him to reawaken, Stefan comforts Elena.  He tries to explain to her that Damon MUST have known that Jeremy was wearing the Ring, or else he couldn’t possibly have done that.  “He didn’t see the ring,” Elena argues tearfully, perfectly illuminating how, in the course of a single episode, these two have completely swapped positions, with respect to Damon’s humanity.  “He doesn’t want to feel anymore.  He wants to be hated.  Well, he got his wish.  I hate him, Stefan.”

Then, suddenly, Jeremy, gasps awake, just as he did early in the episode.  “Damon killed me,” he remarks dumbfoundedly. 

Well . . . technically .  . . yes.  But did he, REALLY?

“Game ON!”

Back at the hospital, Caroline is busy sleeping off a Jersey Shore-induced hangover, when Katherine enters her room.  “Elena?  What are you doing here?”  She asks groggily, seeming more than a bit annoyed at her “friend’s” unwelcome intrustion.

“My name is Katherine.  And I have a message for the Salvatore Brothers . . . GAME ON,”  She says evilly, as she smothers Caroline with her pillow.

There is a brief struggle, and then Caroline falls silent, her head lolling lifelessly onto her shoulder, her face pale and DEAD . . . or VAMPIRIC?  Remember the RULES, boys and girls.  Has it been 24-hours since Damon healed Caroline?  We already know that Bonnie TOLD Katherine about the healing . . .  so the knowledge is definitely there.

  Sure, a dead body belonging to the friend of the woman they both loved would send a message to Stefan and Damon.  But you know what would send a BIGGER message?  Having to BABYSIT a brand new vampire for ALL ETERNITY!  We all remember how much trouble Vicki was .  . . don’t we?

Sweet dreams, fellow Fangbangers! 😉

[www.juliekushner.com]

 

 

 

The Vampire Diaries – 10 Ways to Prepare for “The Return” on September 9th

Do you adore this new promotional poster for Season 2 of The Vampire Diaries as much as I do?  If so, you are going to LOVE THIS ONE!

Labor Day Weekend is just days away.  And you all know what that means  . . . summer is almost over.

But it ALSO means that the fall television viewing season is about to begin!  And would anyone like to guess what the FIRST show to RETURN will be?  I’ll give you a hint . . .

It’s The Vampire Diaries!  And it’s coming back to the CW on Thursday, September 9th, which is only ONE WEEK AWAY!

And yet, when hot shirtless vampires are involved, a week can seem like a REALLY LONG TIME!  That is why I have devised this fool proof ten-step plan to get you through the last Salvatore-less week of YOUR LIVES (at least until the next hiatus).  So, without further adieu, here are ten things you can do to tide yourself over, while you are waiting to watch the season premiere of The Vampire Diaries.

1) Rewatch ALL of Season 1!

Not only does today mark the final week before Season 2 of The Vampire Diaries premieres, it also marks the day that the Season 1 DVD was released in stores and online.  What better way to refresh your memory on old TVD episodes than to watch them in the comfort of your OWN home, on your OWN time schedule.  In addition to all 22 original episodes, the DVD also features: deleted scenes from the show, creator and director commentary, a gag reel, a webisode series, and much more!  You can purchase it here.

Low on funds right now, and not quite ready to shell out the “big bucks” for the Season 1 DVD?  Fear not!  You can find a fairly comprehensive (if I do say so myself ;)) recap of the Season 1 Finale, by clicking here. 

2) Watch Season 2 Promos (and then watch them again .  . . and again . . . and again)

In anticipation of the upcoming second season of The Vampire Diaries, the CW has been releasing titillating trailers for the series, throughout the summer.  You can probably find ALL of the trailers, by doing a quick YouTube search under “The Vampire Diaries Season 2 Promo.”  However, I’m going to post the three most popular ones, right here, for you to enjoy.  The first trailer, of course, belongs to my favorite character on the show, DAMON SALVATORE!

Watch him be deliciously DAMON-Y, to the tune of OneRepublic’s “Everybody Loves Me.”

This next trailer was the second one released in the series.  And it definitely wins the award for SEXIEST TRAILER EVER!  The song featured in the trailer is “Cosmic Love” by Florence and the Machine.

But, if I had to choose a favorite trailer, it would have to be the this next one, because IT features BRAND NEW SCENES FROM THE SEASON PREMIERE!

For a more in-depth look at THIS trailer, click here.

3) Rock out to music from the show!

Nothing gets you in the MOOD for a show about sexy vampires, like the music you were listening to when you first met them.  CW shows are known for their amazing soundtracks.  And The Vampire Diaries is no exception.  Featuring a host of songs from  a”Who’s Who in Contemporary Artists” including Katy Perry, The All-American Rejects, Placebo, The Fray, White Lies, OneRepublic, and TONS more, The Vampire Diaries soundtrack has a little something for everybody. 

The official soundtrack for the show is slated to be released in October 2010.  However, you can check out the track listing here.

“But WAIT,” you say.  “How am I supposed to PREPARE for the season premiere by listening to a soundtrack that ISN’T EVEN OUT YET?”

Good point .  . .

Fortunately, I found this AWESOME website that lists EVERY SINGLE SONG featured in The Vampire Diaries (organized by the episodes in which they aired).  This website also offers you links to download the songs (and accompanying music videos) from iTunes and other popular music download sites.  Ready to rock out to some fangy tunes?  Just click here, and get ready to do some serious dancing!

4) Follow the stars and creators of The Vampire Diaries on Twitter.

These days, it seems like EVERYBODY (except me) has a Twitter account.  And the cast and crew of The Vampire Diaries are no exception.  And while I don’t actually “tweet” myself, I still like to visit the Twitter pages of the stars of my favorite shows on a fairly regular basis.  Why?  Not only is it a great way to get to know the real people behind the characters you love, it’s also a FABULOUS way to get the inside scoop on your favorite shows, from the people working on the front lines.  Sometimes, they even post set pictures and script pages there! 

Here are the Twitter pages for MOST of the stars of The Vampire Diaries.  (Paul Wesley doesn’t have one. 😦 )

For Ian Somerhalder (Damon Salvatore)’s Twitter page, click here.

For Nina Dobrev (Elena Gilbert)’s Twitter page, click here.

For Steven R. McQueen (Jeremy Gilbert)’s Twitter page, click here.

For Michael Trevino (Tyler Lockwood)’s Twitter page, click here.

For Candice Accola (Caroline Forbes)’s Twitter page, click here.

For Katerina Graham (Bonnie Bennett)’s Twitter page, click here.

For show creator  / writer Kevin Williamson’s Twitter page, click here.

And for show creator / writer Julie Plec’s Twitter page, click here.

5) Watch cast and crew interviews on YouTube.

If reading a star’s Twitter page helps you get to know what he is like as a person, watching that star interview helps you get to know what he is like as an actor, and how he develops his respective roles.  The cast and crew of The Vampire Diaries interview like CRAZY!  And folks on YouTube POST these interviews online like crazy.  A quick YouTube search of “[insert TVD actor’s name] interview” is sure to find you more content than you could ever watch in a lifetime.

But, just in case you AREN’T a vampire, are NOT immortal, and, therefore, have limited time to watch interviews, I have taken the liberty of posting a few for you here.  For example, here is a fun one featuring Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec discussing how they came about casting Nina Dobrev, as Elena, and Ian Somerhalder, as Damon.  (There is some GREAT audition footage of both actors in here as well).

Here’s a nice interview with Paul Wesley  . . .

 . . . and here’s one with Nina Dobrev . . .

 . . . and here’s one with Ian Somerhalder . . .

But, of course, the ULTIMATE TVD cast interviews would have to come from Comic Con 2010. . .

For THOSE interviews, and more information on THAT event, click here.

6) Watch video of the cast of The Vampire Diaries from BEFORE they were vampires . . .

Believe it or not, Ian, Nina and Paul weren’t ALWAYS on The Vampire Diaries. 

 In fact, they each already had pretty extensive acting resumes, by the time the show aired.  Sometimes, watching stars in some of their earlier work, can be as much fun as looking at your friends’ embarrassing baby pictures.  For this reason, I would like to introduce you to two non-TVD videos for each of the show’s main stars.

Check out Paul Wesley’s brief career as an angel in the short-lived ABC Family series’ Fallen (and watch him converse with a talking dog).

Angelic, Dog Whisperer, Paul Wesley, not your thing?  Perhaps, you’d prefer him evil, shirtless and doing pullups, his guest starring role as the nefarious Lucas on Smallville.

Before Nina Dobrev was Vampire Katherine, or even Elena Gilbert, she starred in a Nickelodeon version of High School Musical, entitled American Mall.

Watch her sing, dance (and act a little) here.

But even before American Mall, Nina got her start as Teen Baby Mama, Mia Jones on Degrassi: The Next Generation.

Watch her cope with a possessed high school pal, in this “very special” Halloween episode of the show.

And then, there’s Ian (sigh)!

Here’s a guy who could make even INCEST sexy.  And he DID, as Boone Carlyle, on Lost.  (OK, Boone and Shannon, weren’t blood-related.  But still!)

OK.  So, most of you probably already knew that Ian Somerhalder played Boone on Lost.  However, many of you may not have known that he also played Hamilton on the ill-fated Dawson’s Creek spinoff, Young Americans — a guy who fell in love with a girl, who he THOUGHT was a guy (even though his character wasn’t supposed to be gay  . . . weird).

7) Ogle Photos and Gifts of Your Favorite TVD stars!

One of the great things about being a television recapper, is that you manage to amass a FABULOUS collection of stills, photographs, and animated GIFS of actors and actresses from your favorite programs.  For your viewing pleasure, here are just a few of my favorite TVD photos and GIFS:

8 ) Get to know the NEW TVD characters (and the actors who play them) BEFORE the season starts.

By now, you are probably pretty familiar with the characters of The Vampire Diaries and the actors who play them.  However, this season, the writers will introduce at least TWO more characters (and actors) into the mix, with whom you might not be so familiar.  The first is, Mason Lockwood, Tyler Lockwood’s uncle, a fellow werewolf, and the black sheep of the Lockwood family.  He will be played by actor, Taylor Kinney.  You can hear what Taylor has to say about his new role, in his interview with TV Guide, here.

Another new character that will be introduced during Season 2 of TVD is Vanessa, a Duke University graduate student, with supernatural origins.  (She’s a “blue devil” — whatever THAT means.)  Vanessa will be played by actress, Courtney Ford. 

A bit more information on Courtney and her character can be found here.

9) Read the novels on which The Vampire Diaries are (loosely) based.

As you may or may not know, the idea for The Vampire Diaries television show was derived from the characters in a series of four books written by author, L.J. Smith — the first of which came out as early as 1991!  Those books were entitled:  The Awakening, The Struggle, The Fury, and Dark Reunion, respectively.  Although you will notice quite a few differences between those books and the CW series (the LEAST of which being that “Book Elena” is a blonde), the former are still interesting and intriguing in their own right, and, therefore, worth a read by TVD fans.

The books are sold in groups of two.  The first two, The Awakening and The Struggle, can be purchased here.

The second two, The Fury and Dark Reunion, can be purchased here.

As a result of the success of The Vampire Diaries series, L.J. Smith decided to add a new trilogy to The Vampire Diaries Series, nearly two decades after the first book was written.  The books in The Return series are entitled Nightfall, Shadow Souls, and Midnight,respectively.  The first two are already available in bookstores and online.  The third is said to be available some time in 2011. 

You can purchase the not particularly popular, Nightfall, here,  and the slightly better reviewed, Shadow Souls, here.

In addition to the aforementioned books, L.J. Smith has recently joined forces with show creators, Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec, to produce a prequel trilogy, based on the SHOW itself.  The first of those three books, which have been collectively entitled Stefan’s Diaries, will be available sometime in November 2010.  Howevver, it is available for preorder (but, so far, only in E-book format) here.

10) Purchase FABULOUS TVD-themed swag online!

Have money burning a hole in your wallet, and nothing to spend it on?  Or, perhaps, you have a birthday coming up in the near future, and could think of nothing you would want more than a little TVD magic to take home with you, and enjoy during the show’s off hours.  Fortunately, the internet is FILLED with fabulous Vampire Diaries -themed swag.  From t-shirts, to calendars, to book marks, to posters, to coasters  – if you can dream it up, it probably exists.  While a quick internet search of “Vampire Diaries Merchandise” is likely to find you more than enough swag from which to choose, I’ve decided to post a few of my favorite TVD items here, just for you.

For example, check out this AWESOME WWDD t-shirt.  (It stands for “What Would Damon Do?” of course!)

You can purchase this lovely article of clothing here.

This funky vintage tee can be found at the WB store website, along with other choice merchandise

.And finally, since you ALREADY count out the days of your life, based on when The Vampire Diaries airs (Don’t deny it!  I know you do!), why not do it with a Vampire Diaries’ CALENDAR!

So, there you have it, 10 ways to pass the time, while waiting for Season 2 of The Vampire Diaries to begin.  Happy fangirling (or fanboying?)!

(As if it bears repeating, The Vampire Diaries’ Season 2 premiere episode, “The Return” airs September 9th at 8 p.m.  However, thanks to this post, we now have plenty of things to do to keep us busy until that time . . .  See you then!)

[www.juliekushner.com]

 

 

Explosions! Car Crashes! Deaths! Kisses! And the Twist to End all Twists! – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ Season Finale “Founder’s Day”

Prior to the airing of The Vampire Diaries first season finale, the show’s creator, Kevin Williamson, admittedly, set the bar pretty high for himself.  By all accounts, The Vampire Diaries had a freshman season most television shows only DREAM about . . . a cast that was both beautiful AND talented;

 a show concept that, in the age of Twilight  and True Blood, was pretty much guaranteed to be a ratings dynamo with the core 18-49 TV viewing demographic;

sharp and snappy writing, and brilliant plotting that was genuinely unpredictable, without a single “jump the shark moment.” 

Stay cool, Arthur Fonzarelli!  Your services will not be needed here this season!

After its midseason hiatus, The Vampire Diaries truly came into its own!  No more lame diary writing scenes and voiceovers, no more “Damon as crow” CGI-laced images. 

We all have to “eat a little crow” sometimes . . .

The show had become a lean-mean plotting machine, with each subsequent episode besting the one before it, both in terms of shock value and sheer greatness.

See?  Greatness!

As if there wasn’t enough pressure on Williamson to produce television gold this week, the show creator himself decided to up the stakes.  In a number of interviews he gave before the finale, Williamson promised a season-ending episode that would literally stop hearts!  E! Online and Entertainment Weekly both teased that the show’s finale, entitled “Founder’s Day,” would offer fans no less than EIGHT cliffhangers, a car accident, two major deaths, and a shocking first kiss . . .  

We can dream, can’t we?

To be honest, going into this finale, I was a bit worried for my good pal Kevin.   After all, he and I go WAY back to the early 00’s, during his Dawson’s Creek days.

Pacey and Joey, forever!

Oh, hush up, Dawson!

So I really, really didn’t want my old friend to fail.  And yet I feared that he would.  I mean, who could live up to ALL THAT HYPE?

Answer . . . this guy!

I am happy to report that, this finale did, in fact, deliver! (Did it EVER?)   It was truly everything all those spoiler blogs promised, and so much more! 

I did have one complaint though . . . There were no Shirtless Salvatores!   

Nor were there any open-shirted Salvatores!

Not even was there a Salvatore in wife-beater tank top!

 Not a single bit of skin to whet our appetites until next season.  Kevin, honey, I love you, but that’s just plain cruel!

Clearly, Dawson agrees!

Excess clothing aside, surprisingly, the finale still left me an extremely happy girl.  (And that’s saying a lot, especially considering how much I love my shirtless men!)  So, without further adieu, on with the recap!

“I’m Here to Eat Cotton Candy and Steal Your Girl”

Tonight’s finale started innocently enough.  It was the day of the Founder’s Day Parade, an event that probably looked a lot like your high school homecoming parade.  That is, if you were lucky enough to go to high school with super hot vampires, and if your school had a substantial wardrobe budget for historically accurate dresswear from the late 19th century.  (Come to think of it, it probably didn’t look like your school’s homecoming parade at all . . .) 

Our heroine Elena, with ringleted hair and a gown that made her look suspiciously similar to her (heretofore seen only in flashbacks) vampire doppelganger, Katherine, rode the high school’s premiere float, along with her escort, the no longer blood-crazed, Stefan, 

as well as the recently plotline-light couple, Matt and Caroline.

The CW is still paying us . . . We might as well make ourselves useful.

And then Damon magically appeared . . .

Sigh!

And boy was our newly out of the “Elena-closet” lover boy an emotional rollercoaster, this evening!   When we first see him, he is very much the cocksure badass we know from early Season 1.  When Stefan questions him about why he’s at this event, he remarks, in classic Damon fashion, “I’m here to eat cotton candy and steal your girl . . .”  (By the way, do vampires eat in Vampire Diaries’ world?  Because I’ve never actually seen it happen . . .)

Dear Damon,

BITE ME!

Signed,

Julie Cotton Candy

Unlike many television characters who find themselves on the outskirts of a love triangle, Damon is NOT a silent piner!  From the moment Isobel called Damon out on his love for Elena last week, he has made sure the world knows his feelings!  Starting with Stefan.  After having been surprisingly civil to one another these last few episodes, Damon and Stefan really went at it this week.  Snarky comments flew through their air like boomerangs in the Australian outback. 

 And yet, not a single punch was thrown!  In fact, Damon’s and Stefan’s encounters looked a bit more like “girly catfights” than, “macho man brawls.”  This made the interactions between them all the more adorable.

Catfight!  Ladies in your corners!

In other news, Damon confronts, Witchy (and Bitchy) Bonnie (who, thank goodness, is no longer sporting those awful bangs we’ve seen on her in past weeks) to “thank” her for curing Ancestor Gilbert’s “invention” of its Vampire Torture properties.  The scene is particularly interesting,  since we learned last week, that Bonnie only pretended to do this . . .

I bought you something, Bonnie . . .

“I can turn you, Jeremy.”

Poor Jeremy Gilbert.  It seems like this guy is an Angst Magnet.  Having recently re-learned about the tragic and bloody death of his erst-while girlfriend, Vicki Donovan . . .

Jeremy now has another dead body on his hands, his new vampire girlfriend Anna’s mother, Pearl. 

Having initially balked at the idea of turning Jeremy, Anna, now truly alone in the world, offers to turn Jeremy for real, going as far as to offer him a vial of her blood for safe keeping.  (Speaking of blood vials . . . remember when Angelina Jolie used to wear one of those around her neck?  And make out with her brother?  Good times!)

To a sincerely angry and depressed Jeremy, Anna extols the virtues of vampirism in a way that we heard echoed by nearly all of the vampires on this show.  “You can turn your feelings off, whenever you want.  It won’t hurt so much,” she explains.

And, I’m sorry, but I call BS right here.  Because, really, is there anyone on this show more emotional than the vampires?  First you have broody Stefan, who, though usually even-keel, gets  a single drop of human blood in his system, and quickly becomes a raving lunatic. 

Then there’s Damon, who alternates between making snarky comments, to breaking characters’ necks for no reason, to mooning over his sweetheart. 

 

(He looks hot doing all of the above, by the way.)

 And now, we have Anna, who has gone back and forth throughout the season between needing Jeremy and wanting to be left alone, wanting to turn him, and wanting to protect him from vampire kind. 

If THIS is vampires turning their feelings OFF, I’d hate to see them with them turned on . . .

Ummm . . . did I just say that?   Because I totally take it back!

“The Eye Thing”

Later, Elena stops by the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls and runs into Damon.  In a fabulous scene you may have seen posted on YouTube or, perhaps, on this blog, before this episode even aired, Elena confronts Damon about “Stefan’s concerns” regarding Damon’s “feelings” for her.  Initially, Damon plays it coy, as if to say, “I have no idea what on earth you are talking about.” 

However, Elena has his number, and calls him out on his “flirty comments” and  signature “eye thing,” (which I could watch on continuous loop for hours, by the way).

In fact, I think I WILL!

And yet, things start to get truly interesting, when Elena says these words to Damon, “Don’t make me regret being your friend.”

At this point Damon’s face falls noticeably.  Some might say, it’s merely because he has been explicitly tossed in the “friend zone.”  However, I think it is something more.  As callous as Damon might appear to the outside world, he truly loves Elena, and would much rather be her friend than nothing at all.  He nods imperceptibly, and probably for the only time this entire season, we watch Damon pine, just a little bit, as Elena walks away to talk to her brother. 

Elena tries to smooth things over with Jeremy, but he basically tells her to go to hell.  Damon hears this and promptly goes into full protective boyfriend mode, threatening Jeremy that he better be kind to his sister, “Or else.”

At which point, Stefan magically appears .  .  .

 .  . . and surprises us all, by openly admitting to Jeremy that, although Damon may have been the one to erase his memory, it was Stefan, and not Damon, who ultimately killed Vicki.

From a Whisper to a Scream . . .

It is not until the night of the Founders Day fireworks that the poo really hits the fan!  Here, we learn that the hidey hole vampires are back with a vengeance!  (And we thought they were gone!)  After all, thanks to the “Founders” these guys have been stuck underground since 1864, with nothing to do but be pissed off!  So, understandably, a lot of them have anger issues. 

To further complicate matters, Creepy Uncle John (who I guess we now have to refer to as “Father John,” since he seems to be Elena’s Daddy) . . .

I SO HATE THIS GUY!  (How the heck did Elena come out so NORMAL with Wackjob Bio Parents from Hell, John and Isobel?)

 . . . has decided to reenact that lovely old 1864 flashback, where the townspeople rounded up all the vampires and burned them to a crisp inside an abandoned building.  Except now, he has the “invention” to help him out.  He also, at first glance, has a traitorous vampire on the inside to help things along, Vampire Anna . . .

But all is not as it seems, because Vampire Anna is playing both sides.  She warns Damon of the respective plans of both the hidey hole vamps and Uncle John.  But before, Damon can rescue Stefan and “his girl,” Uncle John breaks out the crazy invention, and we finally get to see what it can do.  It’s a bit disappointing that the “invention” turns out to be nothing more than a dog whistle for vamps. 

 Turn it on and vampires crumble to the ground incapacitated, by what looks like nothing more than a super intense migraine.

As the invention “plays,” we watch as Anna, Damon, Stefan and the Hidey Hole vamps immediately fall to the ground.  This is not surprising.  What IS surprising is that the Mayor of the town is affected too, as is his son, Tyler . . .

 . . . who, while driving with Caroline and Matt, swerves upon hearing the sound, and gets into a massive car crash, leaving Caroline extremely wounded.  “But they aren’t vampires,” claims the Mayor’s wife / Tyler’s mother.

So what are they? If you’ve been reading online interviews about the show, it should be no secret that Tyler comes from a family of werewolves, a fact that will undoubtedly be explored in greater detail during Season 2 of this show. 

Who knew Ancestor Gilbert’s crazy invention extended to ALL supernatural creatures?  (How very True Blood of the show’s creators!)

All Hell Breaks Loose

In a scene eerily reminscent of those Civil War-era flashbacks from the Blood Brothers episode, Uncle John decks the town Sheriff, and proceeds to round up all the writhing headache-suffering supernatural creatures of Mystic Falls, tossing them into an abandoned building, which he promptly douses with gasoline.  Vampires Anna and Damon are inside, as is the Mayor of the Town.  Stefan, however, somehow manages to avoid the frey.  

If you recall, up until this point, Damon used to be on the Mystic Falls Vampire Killer Council.  Me thinks he won’t be invited back next year . . .

Elena sees Uncle / Father John entering the burning building, and tries to reason with him, explaining that she knows he is her father.

Don’t worry Elena, Father’s Day sucked for Luke Skywalker too . . .

Elena hopes that her admission will soften John’s heart . . . not so much.  The Evil Creepo Dude enters the building and STAKES ANNA . .

 . . . giving us our first major (and very sad) death of the episode.

The second death belongs to the Mayor, also killed on the scene, at the hands of Damon himself (having woken from his headache).  He does this, presumably in hopes that when this is all over, his true identity will not be exposed to the town.  (Did NOBODY else in Mystic Falls see the Extremely Hot Man writhing on the ground?  Unlikely . . . Sorry Damon!)

Outside the now-burning building, Elena, who has come to realize that her friend Bonnie is a total poopyhead, who lied about curing the vampire torture invention, confronts her fairweather friend.  The two duke it out a bit over the merits of dating and befriending vampires.   Then Bonnie starts mumbling some witchy hoo hah.  We worry she’s merely doing this to speed up the death process for the Grandma-killing blood suckers she hates so much.  However, she surprises everyone by stopping the burning, and allowing Damon to get free . . .

The Aftermath and the MAJOR OMFG Twist . . .

Meanwhile, at the hospital, Caroline remains in critical condition, and one of the eight cliffhangers of the episode is thereby revealed. 

Looks like you got a storyline, after all, Candice Acola . .  . but probably NOT the one you wanted, huh?

Another one follows shortly after.   A newly free Damon comes to see Jeremy, and admits to him that Anna is dead.  The two share a sweet and gut-wrenching moment, brilliantly acted by them both, in which they discuss, love, vampirism, and, of course . . . you guessed it . . . turning off one’s feelings.

  Surprisingly, Damon even goes as far as to apologize for how he treated (and ultimately turned Vicki).  Damon then offers to remove Jeremy’s memories again, but Little Gilbert declines.  The last time we see Jeremy, is staring forlornly at the mirror, drinking Anna’s blood and swallowing a mouthful of pills.  Will he die?  Will he turn into a vampire?  Or none of the above . . . It looks like we will have to wait until next season to find out . . .

With all of their friends rescued, Stefan finally has time to confront Elena about Damon’s purported feelings for her.   She assures him repeatedly how much she loves him.  And yet, me thinks thou doth protest to much . . .

Be afraid Stefan, be very afraid! – Love, Elena Cotton Candy (See what I did, there?)

Back at the Gilbert house, Damon is waiting outside Elena’s doorstep when “she” arrives home. 

In yet another heartfelt conversation  (And this episode had a TON!), a wistful Damon discusses the nature of his desire for redemption.  He feels fortunate that Stefan and Elena saw something in him, worth saving.  The two lean close to one another and . .  . wait for it . . . SHARE A HOT KISS!  At first it is small and chaste, on the cheek.  And then not so chaste, complete with hands around necks and fingers in hair.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a good screencap of these two hotties . . . so look at this picture and imagine Isobel as Elena!  (Or YOU as Isobel . . . because that’s fun too!) 🙂

And at that moment the entire TVD watching population shares a big fat O, if you know what I mean . . .

In classic style, of course, that “O” is interrupted by none other than Useless Aunt Jenna, who forces “Elena” to come inside (and I don’t mean in a fun way, either) . 

Aunt Killjoy

(But note the “invitation,” because it’s going to become important, in just a few brief moments.)

As the two leave, Damon strokes his mouth, and you just know the memory of that kiss will take an eternity to erase.    And I would have been content for the episode to end right there .  . . but BOY was there more!  “Elena” heads to the kitchen and meets up with Evil Uncle / Father John, who tries in vain to explain his actions to his vampire loving daughter.  By way of a truce, he offers to cook a meal with her.  She complies . . . by grabbing the knife, and cutting off his hand containing the ring of immortality!  She then STABS HIM IN THE CHEST! 

And her then face gets all veiny and puffy eye baggy!  We know that look!  That’s not Elena at all!  It’s her doppelganger, Vampire Katherine! 

“I’m back bitches!  Thanks for inviting me in, Useless Aunt Jenna!”

Dun Dun Dun!

At the end of the episode a non-veiny and non-eye baggy Elena arrives home, calmly leaving a message for Stefan on her cell phone (I love you, blah, blah, blah).  She is completely unaware, of course, of the carnage into which she is about to walk. 

“Hey, Kev W!  What gives?  Why are you always picking on me?  Haven’t I been through enough?”

A potentially dead biological father?  A potentially dead or vampiric little brother?  An angry Aunt Jenna who thinks she’s a cheater?  A lovestruck Damon who thinks so too .  . .  but likes it?

Throughout this series, I’ve always totally envied Elena Gilbert’s life.  During this episode’s concluding moments, for the first time this season, I didn’t envy her  . . . AT ALL!

So, there you have it folks.  A brilliant end, to a brilliant first Season.  It’s truly been a wild and amazing ride recapping this fabulous show.  And I sincerely thank all of you, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing it with me.  (Especially, Amy over at Imaginary Men, who shared my obsessive fangirl love through many a comment and email, and was still willing to speak to me, after our failed liveblog event.)

 And to show you all my thanks, I’d like to leave you with these lovely gifs, that may help ease the pain of a Salvatore Brother-less summer . . .

(The people over at Gif Soup are officially my NEW BEST FRIENDS!)

Until next season . . . (or until they start airing the reruns).  Bite ya later!  🙂

The Vampire Diaries’ Season Finale “Founder’s Day” – Live Blogging Event!

According to show writer Kevin Williamson, and some maddeningly teasing hints dropped by E!Online’s Spoiler Maven, Kristen, tonight’s Vampire Diaries Finale offers eight cliff hangers, a major death, and, hopefully, more squealworthy Damon and Elena moments, like the one pictured above.

(Ummm . . . hand holding, anyone? :))

Below is the extended trailer for the episode:

So, after much discussion, and an hour-an-a-half long internet conversation to iron out the details, I am happy to report that my fabulously brilliant blogging friend, and fellow Salvatore Brother enthusiast, Imaginary Men, and I will be live-blogging tonight’s finale episode of The Vampire Diaries, entitled “Founders Day,”  together, starting at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time!

As you can tell, Damon Salvatore is incredibly excited about this news!  So, is Vicki Donovan.  Except, unfortunately, SHE won’t be able to watch . . . being DEAD and all . . .

Join us for what will most certainly be an evening filled with good times, sort-of insightful commentary, and, of course, partially incoherent fangirl ravings of the ALL CAPS variety!  Shirtless Salvatores Brothers need DEFINITELY APPLY!

 Oh, and to whet your whistle before tonight’s show (as if it needed any more whetting!),  please enjoy this webclip from the episode, in which Elena calls Damon out on his “eye thing.”

[I just wanted to update this post to offer you all my sincere apologies.  If you happened to be online during the past hour, you might have noticed that we TRIED to live blog and ran into some technical difficulties.  Please tune in later for your regularly scheduled recap . . .  And again. I’m sorry!]

 

When The Vampire Diaries’ Meets Lost . . . : A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Blood Brothers”

Fans of both Lost and The Vampire Diaries likely found a lot of similarities between this week’s TVD installment and that other show trickling across the airwaves right now.  And I’m not just talking about how both shows feature Ian Somerhalder playing a ” hot dead guy” . . .

Like that “other show,” “Blood Brothers” split its time between the present day and a flashback this week, in order to: (1) further develop the characters featured in the flashback; (2) explain these characters’ actions and motivations; and (3) provide viewers with additional insight into the show’s “mysteries.”  In addition to being profoundly Lost-ian . . .

 . . . this week’s episode, also featured: some truly sexy moments (way to go Jeremy and Anna!), some shockingly disturbing moments (Stefan ate his dad?), a vampiric re-death (R.I.P. Vampire Pearl), a vampiric rebirth (Hi, Isobel!), and, if you were really looking hard for it (like I was), some yummy grist for the Damon and Elena shipper mill . . .

Sigh . . .

Let’s bite into the episode, shall we?

When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Eat Daddy .  . .

When we last left our pal Stefan, he was acting like a total human bloodaholic, and, in Damon’s words, “going around chewing on people.”

Before you chew on me, Stefan, may I interest you in a nice stick of gum, instead?

Same gushy center, less mess . . .

And so, with the help of Damon and Elena (It has such a nice ring to it, don’t you think?), Stefan met up with the business end of a vervain-filled syringe, and ended up locked up in a sort of jail cell, conveniently located right inside the Salvatores’ La Casa de Rich and Awesome.  (You know, if I ever make it big enough to buy myself a mansion, I am TOTALLY putting some sort of cage in it . . . )

Because CAGES are SUPER KINKY!

Anyway, being “locked up” and all, Stefan suddenly has a lot of time to think.  So, he flashes back to the time in his life when he and Damon first became vampires.  This is great news for us fans, because we FINALLY get to learn how it all went down . . .

When we last left Flashback World, the Mystic Falls townspeople were in the process of forcibly gathering up all of the town’s vampires, in order to stuff them in a church and burn them to smithereens.  The mob is being led by none other than Damon’s and Stefan’s father, who uses the information he learned from Stefan, himself, to get to Katherine.  This is a very RUDE thing of Daddy Salvatore to do, putting a muzzle on a woman with whom you used to play croquet . . .

“But, Mr. Salvatore, I let you WIN!”

When Katherine is captured, Damon and Stefan band together to come to her rescue.  While they are attempting to untie and unmuzzle her, two gun shots are fired in rapid succession off-screen, one landing in each of the Salvatore brothers’ chests.  As the brothers’ lie on the ground, bloody and unconscious, Katherine is dragged away by the angry townspeople.

A few days later, Stefan and Damon wake up in a secluded area.  There, they are promptly informed by Witch Emily . . .

 . . . who just so happens to be the ancestor of Witch Bonnie . . .

 . . . that because both brothers drank Katherine’s blood (Damon, by choice, and Stefan, by compulsion) prior to being killed, they are now in transition toward becoming vampires.  The catch?  In order to fully transform into vampires, they need to drink . . .

 . . . ASAP, or they will DIE (for good, this time).

Initially, both Stefan and Damon agree that, without Katherine, there is no reason for eternal life. So, they must allow themselves to die, rather than complete the transition.  However, on a whim, Stefan decides to go to his father’s house to wish him goodbye.  Once there, his father informs Stefan that HE WAS THE ONE WHO SHOT THEM!!!!!  This bastard shot his own sons, because he didn’t like the girl they were dating?  Overreact much? 

 To make matters worse, Daddy Salvatore seems intent to finish the job.  He rushes at Stefan, clutching a large stake-like poker in his hands.  But Stefan, who has already gained some of his legendary vampire strength from those legendary (and hot) vampire arms of his . . .

 . . . stabs his DAD with the poker instead.  And while Stefan’s Daddy is moaning, groaning, and basically dying in front of him, Stefan begins to EAT HIM (well . . . drink his blood, at least).  The scene is NASTY!  I mean, sure, Daddy Salvatore was a TOTAL PRICK, no question.  But drinking the guy who gave you life, is kind of like drinking yourself .  . .

Stefan returns to Damon, all crazy-eyed and red-haired (not sure when present day Stefan found time in his busy “chewing on people” schedule to get a dye job, but, apparently, he did).  Trailing behind Stefan is a teenage girl, clearly under compulsion.  Stefan tells Damon that they were wrong.  That there is no need to die, not when drinking blood can “take away the pain” of life and “open up whole new worlds” for the Salvatore brothers.  Initially, Damon seems repulsed by his younger brother’s behavior, and hesitant to make the transition.  But, ultimately, his vampire urges take hold of him, and he sucks on (and very likely kills) the teenage girl.

After Damon returns from his “snack,” he angrily vows to make Stefan’s life hell on earth for all eternity.  And, in hindsight, we know that, for a good portion of his undeath, Damon did just that . . .

You just KNEW I’d find SOME WAY to use this picture again, in my recap, didn’t you?

They’re Bringing Sexy Back (from the dead . . .)

So, I’ve got good news and bad news.  Which news do you want first?  The good news?  OK.  Jeremy and Anna?  They are a SUPER HOT COUPLE!  And if their sort-of sex scene and post-coital cuddle wasn’t all of two-seconds long, I would have TOTALLY shown you a Shirtless Jeremy pic from it.  The actor who plays him (Steven R. McQueen) is, after all, 21-years old . . .

In addition to being HOT, Jeremy and Anna were also really sweet together.  Between Anna’s willingness to stand up to her mother, and revisit the slings and arrows of high school, just to spend time with Jeremy; and Jeremy’s sleepy whisper of “Oh, that feels so good,” when Anna lovingly rubbed his face, as the two laid in bed together, I instantly became a Team Jeranna fan! 

So, here’s the bad news:  near the end of the episode, Anna’s mom, Vampire Pearl . . .

 . . . was bludgeoned by a crossbow, shot at her from long range, and instantly killed!  Who killed her, you ask?  Presumably, this CREEPO . . .

 . . . Uncle John (I HATE THIS GUY!), who realized he no longer had any use for Pearl, upon learning that she had given his ancestor’s Magic Vampire Killer Thingy (that nobody knows how to use yet) to Damon.  Just one question:  What happened to Hottie Vampire Harper?

Vampire Pearl’s loyal associate was standing right next to Vampire Anna when she was bludgeoned, but has not been seen or heard from since . . .

Damon and Alaric – The Bromance Continues . . .

This week, Alaric calls his new buddy Damon (LOVE these two together!) to check out a lead he had on the possible whereabouts of his previously-thought-to-be-dead-but-actually-a-vampire wife, Isobel.  Damon immediately agrees to come along.  And although I know that Damon was the one responsible for turning Isobel, my Damon and Elena shipper sense tells me, that Damon went on this “little journey” with the secret hope of helping Elena to find her long lost biological mother.  After all, Alaric’s “ex” and Elena’s “mom” are one in the same person.

“Damon Salvatore is currently out kicking some Serious Vampire Ass for the woman he secretly loves . . . Leave a message.”

When Damon and Alaric arrive at the house initially thought to contain Isobel . . .

 . . . she’s not there.  However, some random Hidey Hole Vamp is!  (And WE thought they were GONE FOR GOOD!)  Upon learning that Random Vampire Henry is somehow connected to Creepy Uncle John, Alaric and Damon KILL HIS BLOODY BUTT for good!  Congratulations to Vampire Henry for winning the Senseless Death Award for the week!  Here’s your trophy . . .

 Teacher (as Damon lovingly calls Alaric) is getting surprisingly good at murdering folks, now, isn’t he?  Once the deed is done, the two engage in a heartwarming personal conversation about the struggles of pining over the “one who got away.”  “Two years pining over the woman who left you, is remarkably healthy, I think,” remarks Damon, self-deprecatingly, having mooned over Vampire Katherine for way over a century now.

Although the two pals end their little road trip empty handed, in the last scene of the episode, Isobel comes out of hiding and confronts Alaric at the local bar.  Seeing as how next week’s episode is entitled “Isobel,” I’m pretty sure we haven’t seen the last of this chick . . .

The Will to Live (and to wear sexy white tees that show of your KILLER arms) . . .

When Stefan wasn’t flashing back to his past, he spent most of the episode, brooding, refusing to drink blood, and flexing those drool-worthy pectoral muscles of his.  Elena, who has been basically living at La Casa de Rich and Awesome with both Salvatores for a few days now  . . . (Threesome anyone?) . . . continually tries to get through to Stefan, and break him out of his funk.  At one point, she even goes as far as to enter the “lion’s den” with the hungry vampire, putting her life at risk.  But Stefan, feeling incredibly guilty for his recent behavior, and for the part he played in making Damon become a vampire, wants to die, as he feels he should have done all those years ago.  During the episode’s climax, Stefan escapes his cage, leaving his “I can be in sunlight without rotting” ring on the floor by his prison cot.  His plan, of course, is to meet the sun and die at dawn.

“I put up with your crap for 20 episodes, and all I get for it is this UGLY ASS RING?   You could have at least got me something from Tiffany’s . . .”

Having recently heard Stefan’s flashback tale of woe from Damon (BTW E and D have been sharing adorably snarky barbs and smirks with one another ALL NIGHT . . . just saying), Elena instantly knows she can find Stefan at the very spot where he got Damon to eat that teen way back when.  Elena explains to Stefan that she too is no stranger to guilt.   After all, she was the reason her parents were out driving on the night they were both killed in the car accident.  Elena explains to Stefan that she knows he is “good,” and that, together, they can beat his human blood addiction.  Ultimately, Stefan puts back on that UGLY ASS RING, and the two kiss and make up.

With Stefan back to being the “good brother” and Damon’s alone time with Elena over, it is now Damon’s turn to brood.  In the last scene featuring the sexy Salvatore brothers, Damon admits that the REAL reason he hates Stefan is because Katherine chose to “turn” Stefan too.  And now, it seems, once again, that the two brothers are in love with the same girl . . .

Love sucks . . . and so do these guys .  . . literally.

 Can’t wait to sink your teeth into “Isobel?”  Non-spoilerphobes can click the video below to watch stills from next week’s episode, in which Slutty Bad Ass Vampire Isobel seems to be wreaking havoc on Mystic Falls.  The pictures feature, among other things, quite a few photos of Damon Salvatore adorably open-shirted.  So, put your fingers on those “print screen” buttons, ladies . . .