July 4th Movie Quote Contest (a.k.a. The post my lazy butt came up with at the last minute, because I drank too much on July 4th)

Have you ever noticed how there is nothing AT ALL to watch on television during the entire July 4th weekend?  Case in point:  Earlier this evening, I was flipping through channels in search of decent programming.  The viewing selection on my small screen was SO bad, that I actually watched an infomercial . . . on a motor scooter for the elderly . . . for a full half hour.  It was only 10 p.m.

Four glasses of wine in my belly, and I was actually about to purchase this . . . another two glasses, and I would have bought a spare one for my pet cat.

But you know what DOESN’T suck during July 4th weekend?  MOVIES!

July 4th weekend is a time when film production companies tend to release their highest budget films, in hopes of scoring big at the box office, and, thereby, achieving that much coveted “blockbuster” status.  It is also a time when television networks tend to air some of Hollywood’s most successful blockbusters, during prime time hours.  Networks tend to do this because (1) why bother putting out new content, when everyone is too sunburned and beer-logged to watch it; and (2) the few people who ARE watching are so happy to find something decent on television to watch and so very drunk, they won’t care at all that it’s a movie they have already seen 25 times.

For this reason and because I have had too much to drink to be genuinely creative, I have decided to run a little informal contest / game here at TV Recappers Anonymous.  The winner gets . . . well . . . to be honest, the winner gets nothing, because I don’t have anything to give him or her.

However, having a contest win of any kind under your belt WILL provide you with massive “street cred” on the blogosphere, not to mention something to brag about at all your upcoming July 4th parties!

OK . . . Here’s how the game works.  Got a pen and paper handy?

Good!

I’m going to show you a YouTube video featuring 100 famous movie quotes.  As you watch the video, jot down as many movies and quote-uttering actors as you recognize.  Then, tally up your points.  You get one point for each movie you correctly identify, and one point for each actor. 

And remember NO CHEATING!  If I hear later from your friends that you paused this video and started trolling around IMDB for the answers, I am going to find out your home address, and personally mail this to it . . .

Don’t think I won’t do it, either! 

If you’d like, feel free to comment here on how many points out of the possible 200 you received.  If not, don’t worry, I won’t be insulted . . .

 .  . . well, maybe I’ll be a little insulted.  But I’ll get over it.

This would actually be a pretty cool game to play with your friends on July 4th, assuming the party you are attending is extremely lame.  Additionally, I’m pretty sure there is a way to turn this into a drinking game.  I just haven’t quite figured out how to do it yet.  (Your suggestions in that regard, of course, are welcome too.)

So, without further adieu, here are 100 famous movie quotes in under four minutes . . . Good luck!

(At some point, I MIGHT add a comment to this post that includes the “answers” to this game.  Until then, you are on the honor system.  And remember, I’ll be WATCHING YOU!)

 Happy July 4th, everyone!

Lost’s “The Candidate” and the Murderous Reign of Elizabeth Sarnoff (Contains SPOILERS)

WARNING:  If you have not yet seen this week’s installment of Lost, entitled “The Candidate,” and you plan on seeing it, you DO NOT want to be here right now!  Because I am about to spoil for you four serious OMFG Lost Series Shocker Moments . . . moments that rival the twist endings to some of America’s most surprising films . . .

“I see dead candidates!”

“John Locke is KEYSER SOZE!”

“Jacob’s REAL Candidate is a MAN, baby!”

And so, for those of you who don’t want to be SERIOUSLY spoiled, I am hereby giving you five seconds to leave this blog . . .

5

4

3

2

1

 . . .  Are they gone yet?  OK. 

 I would now like to take this opportunity to express my condolences over the loss of four characters, to whom I have become extremely attached, throughout the course of Lost history. 

 

Frank Lapidus (played by Jeff Fahey)

Sayid Jarrah (played by Naveen Andrews)

Jin Kwon (played by Daniel Dae Kim)

Sun Kwon (played by Yoon-Jin Kim)

These tragic losses will most certainly be deeply felt throughout the Lost universe.  And while this is neither the time, nor the place, to establish blame for the passing of these fine individuals, would you like to know who killed them?

Well . . . yeah . . . him, but that wasn’t who I was referring to . . .

Yep, that’s her! 

The woman pictured above, is none other than Elizabeth Sarnoff, Lost executive producer, and the writer of this week’s TOTAL F-ING BLOODBATH of a Lost episode.  After I finished watching Lost, I was lurking around The Fuselage, a fansite for diehard Losties, and this lady was literally ALL those folks were talking about!  Apparently, Liz’s “serial character murdering” reputation precedes her.  So, I did a little research into the writer’s episode penning-past.  And, let me just say, her body count is HIGH!

In her premiere episode, “Abandoned” (Season 2), Liz killed Lostie Shannon Caryle.

In the episode, “Two for the Road” (also Season 2), Liz ended the lives of Tailies Ana Lucia and Libby:

In the episode,” The Man Behind the Curtain” (Season 3), Liz laid waste to, more or less, the ENTIRE Dharma Initiative, including Benjamin Linus’s father, Roger Linus.

And in “Meet Kevin Johnson” (Season 4), Liz gunned down Karl and Rousseau (both pictured here, along with the now-dead Alex and the THANKFULLY still alive, Hurley)

But of Ms. Sarnoff’s deadly episodes, ‘The Candidate” was probably the most shocking.  After all, this was the first time in Lost history in which THREE Original Cast Members met their untimely demise, during the course of a single episode!  (Lapidus didn’t appear on the show until Season 4.) 

The most heartbreaking of these deaths undoubtedly belonged to Jin and Sun.  With Sun trapped amongst the wreckage of a flooded submarine, Jin tried in vain to rescue her.  When he saw that he would be unable to free her in time, he held tightly to her hand, vowing never to leave her again.  The couple’s hands remained clasped to one another, until the moment of both of their deaths.  And, while the sacrifice on Jin’s part was certainly heroic and romantic, I couldn’t help but wonder why Sun didn’t implore Jin to save himself, on behalf of their young child, Ji-Yeon, now undoubtedly an orphan . . .

It is also important to note that, the name “Kwon,” which was listed as one of Jacob’s Island Saving Candidates, likely referred to either Sun or Jin.  Now we might never know which one . . .

Sayid’s death, while tragic, was a bit more uplifting.  After multiple episodes of “Zombie Sayid” seemingly acting as MIB’s evil  minion, and killing people willy nilly, without remorse, it was nice to see our Original Lost hero, return to his roots.  Not only did Sayid help Jack and crew out, by explaining to the gang the logistics of dismantling a C-4 bomb, he ultimately saved Jack, Hurley, Sawyer and Kate, by taking the bomb and running as far from them as he could get before it exploded. 

It was also nice to know that Sayid did not, in fact, murder Desmond, as MIB had originally instructed him to do.  

Before he died, Sayid instructed Jack to find Desmond where he left him in the well.   When Jack asked Sayid why the latter has chosen to tell him this, Sayid replied, “Because you’re THE ONE.”  Presumably, the statement referred to Sayid’s belief that JACK is Jacob’s ULTIMATE CANDIDATE, destined to save the island from MIB and his dastardly deeds.  So, in the honor of the redeemed Sayid, I’d hereby like to share with you, this fan-made video, demonstrating his macho, heroic, TOTALLY badass (and definitely NON-ZOMBIE like) awesomeness!

And for those Losties still alive at the conclusion of this episode, BE WARNED, the series’ second to last episode will be penned by none other than Elizabeth Sarnoff . . .

Be afraid, be VERY AFRAID!

Tiger’s New Nike Commercial (a.k.a “I HEAR Dead People. I SEE a Slutty Person.”)

“He keeps LOOKING at me . . . like he wants to tell me something . . . or send me an illicit text message about his man parts.”

The above New Nike commercial, which features the voice of Tiger’s father, Earl Woods, who died of a heart attack back in 2006, hit the air waves today, amidst much controversy and generalized hubbub.  The release of the commercial directly coincides with the commencement of the Masters Tournament.  This prestigious tourney just so happens to be the first one to feature Tiger Woods and his balls (er . . . golfballs), since this past November of 2009.  At that time, as I’m sure you are well aware (assuming YOU haven’t been underground for four years), both Tiger and his balls got caught in an entirely different sort of trap than the sandy ones you might find on the putting green.

Tiger grabbing his balls . . .

Tiger thinking with (and subsequently losing) those SAME balls . . .

I’m still not quite sure how I feel about this commercial.  On one hand, as a marketing technique, this is is FABULOUS.  I haven’t thought or talked about Nike this much since third grade.  That was when I first learned that “doing it” was a euphemism for sex.  Eight-year old me, therefore, instantly ranked Nike’s slogan right up there with poopy and fart jokes, as the coolest and funniest three words of all time.

In addition to being (pardon the expression) “ballsy,” the Nike commercial is a work of cinematic brilliance.  The grainy aged-looking black-and-white film, the somber tone it evokes, the way Tiger stares the camera directly in its face, wistful, yet proud — daring you, the viewer to judge him — all of these things work together to create a package that is evocative and strangely beautiful.  In short, this scene wouldn’t look at all out of place in one of those weird artsy French films that you sometimes find on the Independent Film Channel.

But you know what else, makes this commercial remind me of French films?   IT’S CREEPY!  Earl Woods’ disembodied voice, obviously recorded prior to his death (at least, I hope), is oddly prescient.  It feels as though Woods’ authoritarian father is rising from the grave to “ground” him for his wrong doing. 

But you know what’s even creepier?  When it comes down to it, this 30-second short isn’t really about judgment or redemption at all.  Take away all that fancy esoteric packaging, and this video has one purpose, and one purpose only . . . to make YOU buy sneakers!

Celebrities, like Tiger Woods, are paid millions of dollars to star in advertisements like this one.  In them, marketers are telling YOU, the viewer, impliedly, that if you shell out the cash to buy these products, you can become LIKE the celebrity featured using them.  In Tiger’s case, this gives new meaning to the phrase “Wear Nike and just do it . . .” 

Then again, using THAT logic, this is a really ineffective commercial.  After all, while watching this, you couldn’t really tell what was going on below Tiger’s waist AT ALL.  (“That’s what SHE said!” – har de har har).  Tiger very well may have been wearing ADDIDAS, or KEDS or a pizza box, for all we know . . .

Of course, Nike certainly has a right to stand by its celebrity endorser.  After all, Tiger Woods is STILL an excellent golfer.  No one can contest that.  However, was it necessary for the corporation to support him in this way, by exploiting his deceased father, his misdeeds, and, everyone hurt by his actions –most notably, his wife Elin, his two children, and two dogs?

Animals suffer during divorce too, you know!

Is a celebrity entitled to make mistakes, repent for them, and stage a career comeback, after taking some time out to do some serious soul-searching?  Absolutely.  I’m just not entirely sure that this commercial was the best (or most tasteful) way for Tiger Woods to “just do it” . . .