[Fashionably Late . . . Again? (I’m afraid this is becoming a habit.) The Recap for Gossip Girl’s “All the Pretty Sources” is well under way. Wondering when you can expect it? I’d say most probably before midnight (EST), tomorrow, Tuesday, November 22nd. My sincere apologies for my recent lack of timeliness. (Chuck got me very drunk last night . . . just like Dan.)]
Greetings Gleeks! This Very Special Episode of Glee was all about the unintended consequences of bullying. But lest you think the entire episode was a TOTAL downer . . . there was also a sizeable portion of it that was about Puck’s weiner.
Get it? A sizeable portion . . . because Puck’s wei . . . nevermind.
Let’s recap, shall we?
Pucker up, for the Puck-ster
It’s a weekday, which means Puck must be in love with a new woman.
At least, this time, it’s not that annoying asshat, Lauren Zizes . . .
“What the f*&k was I thinking?”
As Puck and the show’s writers go to great lengths to remind us, he’s EIGHTEEN now. So, it’s TOTALLY OK for him to want to taste the forbidden fruit that is adopted mother-of-his child / substitute teacher / rival Glee club director, Shelby Corcoran . . . I smell a musical moment, don’t you?
Though not necessarily the best sounding cover song Glee has ever done, “Hot for Teacher,” was definitely good for a few laughs . . . with Puck gyrating to the rhythm of his old school guitar, and crooning / yelling in that sexy, scratchy voice of his. Meanwhile, Blaine and Mike Chang repeatedly grabbed their grotches, wiggled their hips, and awkwardly waved their hands behind him, in an odd little cross between the original Van Halen music video on which this was based, and . . . a rousing game of Simon Says?
Oh, and, of course, Finn was making his classic, “I’m on the drums” face, the whole time . . .
He didn’t participate in any of the dancing though . . . (Gee, I wonder why?)
Feel free to check out the original “Hot for Teacher” below, and compare the two for yourself . . .
Anywhoo, Puck attempts to win Shelby’s heart by giving her a baby pumpkin, instead of the usual “apple for the teacher” type deal. Have any of you out there ever actually eaten a baby pumpkin? Do they taste like regular pumpkins? I don’t know . . . They are more interesting than apples though . . . because, really, anybody can get you an apple. Baby pumpkins, on the other hand, are only available when they are in-season.
But I digress . . .
Puck proceeds to make his plea for Shelby’s love by (1) reminding Shelby how hot they both are . . .
Well . . . I agree with half of that statement. 😉
(2) listing all the May / December celebrity romances that have worked . . . like Ashton and Demi for example . . .
WHOOPS. Nevermind! It looks like the script for this show was written a few weeks too early. Indiana Jones and Ally McBeal ARE still together though, last time I checked. So, he got that one right . . . at least.
(3) And offering to be a REAL father to Baby Beth . . .
But perhaps the most controversial thing Puck did to win Shelby’s love was to out Quinn for all those awful things she did to get Baby Beth taken away from Shelby by Child Services.
Now, assuming Puck did this, because he thought Shelby had the right to know, and not just as a ploy to get into her thong (which is debatable), I’m all for it. However, something tells me that Quinn isn’t going to feel the same way as I do, when SHE inevitably finds out . . .
I’d say the sweetest part of this storyline was when Puck told Shelby that she was meant to be Beth’s mom, even going as far as to say that’s why Puck and Quinn got drunk and boned one another about a year a so ago, unprotected, and against their better judgment. Well, that’s ONE way of looking at it . . .
“Come on, let me stick it in, ya! It’s for a GOOD CAUSE!”
Things We Never Knew About Burt Hummel . . .
“I’m a better dancer than my son-in-law . . . though, admittedly, that’s not saying much.”
Did you know Burt Hummel has a baboon heart?
Did you know he married a donkey? Well, now you do! Thanks, Sue Sylvester!
I know . . . I know . . . neither are these things are true. But I honestly think Sue Sylvester’s so-called negative advertising campaigns against State Congressional hopeful, Burt Hummel, were some of the funniest moments of this episode. And while I’m 100% against bestiality and donkey / human marriages, I think there is entirely too much prejudice nowadays against people with animal parts . . . Just sayin’.
“Is this what having a stroke feels like?”
Brittany said the above line to compliment the mash-up / duet rival Glee club directors Will Schuester and Shelby Corcoran performed to two songs (both named “You and I”). The performance was meant to convince the two groups to get along with one another long enough to compete in one giant Mash Off, before they find themselves competing against one another, for real, during Sectionals.
Nevermind the fact that, as was mentioned last season, neither musical group appears to have the minimum number of participants required for a team to enter into the competition.
Well, I was definitely twitching after the song was over. So, maybe Brittany was on to something there. While this was definitely not my favorite musical number of the episode, I did appreciate the creativity of combining a popular Lady Gaga song with an old 80’s country song that most Glee viewers (myself included) had probably never heard before. The lyrics of the two songs dovetailed surprisingly well with one another, and the resulting song sounded a lot better than you would think it would . . .
but not much.
That didn’t stop me from twitching though . . . maybe it’s a Schuester thing. He bugs me sometimes, what can I say!
Sorry, Schue! It’s true!
Santana’s got balls (and she’s not afraid to throw them)
Upcoming Mash-off competition aside, it seems the New Directions and the Troubletones weren’t satisfied having only ONE opportunity to kick eachother’s asses. And so evolved the brilliant idea that the two groups should meet up in the gym, and pelt eachother with their balls . . .
. . . dodgeballs that is.
The Mash-up of “Hit Me with Your Best Shot,” and “One Way or Another,” provided a perfect soundtrack for the surprisingly intense game. Plus, the action shots of Gleeks playing dodgeball made for some of the best choreography we’ve seen on the show, in quite some time. For example, did you guys know Blaine can fly?
Kurt likey . . . A LOT!
Now, while Kurt might have SERIOUSLY enjoyed watching his boyfriend soar over his head, in those uber short and much-too-tight gym shorts, he definitely was NOT a fan of the Troubletones decision to mercilessly pelt Little New Guy Rory with dodgeballs, long AFTER they had already won the game. Kurt scolded his opponents for their bad form, as he dragged a bloody Rory off the battlefield, while throwing a SERIOUS “I’m judging you” face in his former friends’ direction.
Mommy Dearest (and not so Dearest)
I have to say, I respect Rachel Berry a whole lot more, now that I know she writes her own college recommendations, so that all her “recommenders” have to do is sign them. (For all you prospective college applicants out there, it really is the best way to go!) Of course, there is one other big thing that Rachel did during this hour to make me respect her. But, more on that later . . .
“While we are on the subject, MOM, I am also looking for a surrogate, to carry my baby in her belly for nine months, in exchange for $20,000. Would you be interested?”
Given the disappointing way in which Shelby’s Season 2 run-in with bio-daughter Rachel ended, it’s nice to see these two working toward forming a genuine relationship with one another, this Season . . . When Rachel comes to Shelby, to get her to sign a pre-written college application, the latter surprises her bio daughter with plenty of kind words, encouragement, and the type of pride only a real mother, can show for her daughter. She even offers to writer Rachel a college recommendation BY HERSELF. HOORAY!
But then Shelby inadvertently makes Rachel feel like crap, by telling her daughter that, because she’s so friggin perfect, less-than-perfect people who are applying to performing arts school against her (like say . . . Kurt), don’t have a shot in hell of getting in, and, will, therefore, probably end up flipping burgers for the rest of their lives. . .
Dear Kurt, Sorry I ruined your life. And yes, I would like fries with that. Love, Rachel.
Putting that aside though, it was a Genuinely Touching Moment . . .
If looks could kill . . .
On the other end of the parental unit relationship spectrum are Quinn and Shelby. Shelby never exactly seemed to be Quinn’s biggest fan, anyway. But now that she knows about the whole Baby-napping Scheme, she’s REALLY Anti-Quinn. Eventually, a confrontation ensues, in which Quinn calls Shelby out for “whoring out” Baby Berry, back when she was a teen (OUCH!).
And Shelby calls Quinn out for . . . um . . . well, basically, just being an incredibly sh*tty human being. (QUADRUPLE OUCH!)
Shelby also tells Quinn that she doesn’t trust her around Baby Beth, anymore. Sorry Quinn! Perhaps, you should have gone with a different tactic . . . like making out with Shelby, and giving her baby pumpkins . . . Better luck, next illegitimate child!
Topless Tuesdays and Other Campaign Promises . . .
It’s campaign speech time, at McKinley High. And just like in real government, all the candidates seem to be making promises they can’t keep. That weird, mullet-wearing, red headed guy from the hockey team says he promises that all students will be able to boss around their teachers from now on.
Brittany wants to protect high school students in Lima from tornadoes, and promises to go topless every Tuesday. Way to give back to your community, Brittany!
Rachel promises to withdraw from the race, and get everyone to vote for Kurt . . . Wait, WHAT? Rachel is going to give up an opportunity to be the best? I must have walked into someone’s alternate universe Kachel fanfiction!
In all seriousness though, I think Rachel took to heart Shelby’s words about how the Type A, overachiever, ALREADY has the resume to get into the college of her dreams, while Kurt does not. It was a super sweet, suprisingly un-Rachel like thing to do. And Kurt was just as shocked as the rest of us . . .
As for Kurt, his campaign speech is kind of a downer. I mean, fighting against childhood obesity, and bullying is great . . . but eliminating dodgeball? Seriously? Wouldn’t it be easier to just use softer balls, like
Kurt’s those squishy ones that Nerf makes? My personal opinions aside, I loved Kurt’s speech, simply because Blaine’s “Supportive Face,” while he was making said speech was SUPER hot. And we wouldn’t have had the chance to see it, otherwise . . .
After the speeches, Kurt and Rachel FINALLY ended their seemingly interminable election-based fight. Not only was the reunion scene between the pair extremely touching, I’m just thrilled that these two characters will finally be able to regularly interact again. After all, Rachel’s and Kurt’s friendship is my favorite completely platonic relationship on this show . . . heck, it might actually be the only completely platonic relationship on this show . . .
Reunited and it feels SO GOOD!
Out and Not So Proud . . .
Oh, Santana. As a character, I adore you to pieces . . . most of the time. You are hilariously funny. You constantly make fun of Finn. You have a spectacular singing voice. And you are one of the most complex, and consistently written, characters on this show. But if I REALLY knew you, or, worse, attended high school with you, I’m pretty sure, I would hate your guts . . . and keep a voodoo doll of you in my locker, to stab at, whenever I was having a particularly bad day.
Throughout the episode, we watched Santana be mercilessly evil to Finn, and his new sidekick Rory.
It eventually got to the point where even her fellow Troubletones were begging her to stop. But she continued, with what was probably the meanest, most underhanded, apology ever. And that’s when Finn snapped, outing Santana as a lesbian in front of the whole school. Whether intentionally, or unintentionally done . . . whether provoked or unprovoked . . . whether he thought Santana’s sexual preference was a secret or common knowledge, what Finn did was VERY, VERY wrong. And it ended up producing some pretty serious consequences for Santana . . .
As it turns out, one of Burt’s and Sue’s congressional opponents has a daughter who attends McKinley High, and that daughter recorded Finn’s and Santana’s conversation. Ultimately, Santana’s secret ended up being used by this opponent in a negative campaign advertisement against Sue, in order to imply that the Cheerios coach was ALSO a lesbian. In a surprisingly poignant moment, the usually ascerbic Sue, Burt Hummel, and Will Schuester call Santana into Sue’s office to show her the advertisement, and offer her their support.
Santana, understandably, is inconsolate. “This can’t be happening to me,” she cries, as she makes a mad dash down the hallway “I haven’t even come out to my parents yet.”
And the Winner of the Mash Off of 2011 is . . .
The Mash Off Competition takes place before Santana really has time to heal, or process the many ways in which her life is about to change. The New Directions are up first, and SURPRISE, it’s another 80’s music mash-up. (Way to be HIP, Mr. Schue!) This one is a mixture of the songs “I Can’t Go For That,” and “You Make My Dreams.” It was a fun performance, for sure. But, for me at least, the best part about it, by far, were the ridiculous curly wigs, weird heavily shoulder padded suit jackets, and over abundance of pink all the guys wore during the musical number. Hysterical, with a capital H!
Oh, and did youu catch the befuddled facial expressions of all the females in the audience. PRICELESS! As for the women, they all vaguely resembled Pebbles Flintstone . . . though, I’m not exactly sure why . . .
See, for yourself . . .
But the winners of this competition, hands down, just like in the dodgeball competition that preceded it, were the Troubletones.
With Santana and Mercedes at the helm, the group’s mashup of Adele’s “Rumor Has It” and “Someone Like You,” was breathtakingly beautiful, and enchantingly mesmerizing, with just a smidgeon of slit-your-wrist, depressing.
Naya Rivera expertly portrayed, all of the angst, sadness, and inner turmoil of her character’s unfortunate outing, in every word she sang, and every expression that crossed her face.
Then, when the performance was over, and Santana leapt off the stage, to slap Finn extra hard, right across the mouth, for the inadvertent role he played in her embarrassment and discomfort, I had genuine tears in my eyes . . .
In the next installment of Glee, if the promos are any indication, Santana will come out to her parents, and the rest of the cast will get laid. Can I get a HELL YEAH! You can check out the promo for “I Kissed a Girl,” here . . .
So, tell me . . . what did you think of “Mash Off?”
Did you enjoy the Adele number as much as I did? Do you agree with me that the Troubletones kicked New Direction’s ASS this week, in every way possible? Are you shipping Shelby / Puck . . . or do they make you want to upchuck?
Are you pro or anti-dodgeball? And, most importantly, Team Santana, or Team Finn? Feel free to sound off in the comment section . . .
Annnnd . . . that’s what you missed, ON GLEE!