Tag Archives: Southern Vampire Mysteries

True Blood Dream Casting – J.B. DuRone

One of the fun things, for me at least, about having read Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse Books . . .

. . . prior to watching the True Blood series on HBO  (which is more or less based on those books) . . .

  . . . is the added insight it gives me into these complex television characters, and the fictional lives they are destined to lead in the future.  Sometimes, it makes me feel downright telepathic . . .

Well . . . maybe not telepathic, but at least like someone who has the “inside scoop” on things.

And while Alan Ball has certainly exercised his right to CHANGE a few things from the books, in creating the show . . .

Not DEAD!

Not a mild-mannered, girly-girl clothing store owner.

Will not GO AWAY!

 . . . one thing he HAS adhered to pretty faithfully, is author Charlaine Harris’ colorful cast of characters, and the various ways in which they impact Sookie’s universe.

For this reason, I predict that it won’t be too long, before a certain hunky personal trainer, named J.B. DuRone, graces our television sets on Sunday nights.   (Because, lets face it, Alan Ball LOVES his sexy men!)

For the uninitiated, J.B. DuRone is Bon Temps townie, born and raised in Louisianna.  He was friends with Sookie and Tara back in high school, and even took Sookie to her senior prom.

“Like my pretty prom dress, y’all?  My Grams bought it for me!”

Now, J.B. works as a popular personal trainer at the local Bon Temps gym, and lives in one of those apartments behind Merlotte’s that Sam rents out.  J.B. has always been a loyal friend to Sookie, and even harbored a little crush on her for a short time.  (What guy didn’t in this series?)  Later in the books, he functioned as an unusually healthy and well-adjusted love interest for Perpetual Dater of Losers and Nutjobs, Tara . . .

“It’s about DAMN TIME!”

In terms of character traits, J.B. has a little bit of Jason . . .

 . . . a dash of Hoyt . . .

 . . . and a dollop of Sam . . .

 . . . all rolled into one glorious package.

Like Jason, J.B. has the looks of Hollywood Heartthrob, and the body of a male model.  He also shares Jason’s not-so-keen intellect.  J.B. isn’t exactly the sharpest crayon in the box . . .

And yet, like Hoyt, J.B. is charming, and sweet, and polite, almost to a fault.  He is the quintessential Southern Gentleman.

With Sam, J.B. shares a protective, almost paternalistic, relationship with Sookie (and later with Tara).  He is always ready to help her out of a jam, even if he doesn’t always no HOW to help, or what the heck is going on.

So, of course, all of this begs the question, who should Alan Ball CAST in the role of J.B. DuRone.  Well . . . I’ve got a few ideas . . .

Below you will find my Top Five casting picks (in no particular order) for Bon Temps’ Favorite Bodybuilder.

1) Channing Tatum

Age: 30

Where you’ve seen him before:  the romantic comedy She’s the Man (starring alongside Amanda Bynes), those Step Up dance movies, the action flick, GI Joe, the anti-war drama, Stop Loss, and that chick flick, Dear John.

Why he’d make a great J.B.:

Like J.B., Channing Tatum is a native Southern boy, having grown up in a small Alabama town.  So, not only will Channing be able to effortlessly pull off the Southern charm necessary for this role, he will also be able to provide fans with a remarkably authentic Southern accent, (something which, honestly, is hard to come by on this show).  In addition to all that “Southern stuff,” Channing clearly has the physique of a bodybuilder, and the chiseled looks to match.  A very young-looking 30-year old, Channing is also “age appropriate,” in that he is believable as someone who would have gone to high school with Sookie and Tara.

2) Nick Zano

Age: 32

What you’ve seen him in: the WB sitcom, What I Like About You (also starring Amanda Bynes) and the ABC show, Cougar Town

Why he’d make a great J.B. :

Not to typecast or anything, but the character of J.B. DuRone is remarkably similar to Vince, the character Zano played on What I Like About You.  Both are charming ladies men, who are capable of being disarmed and “tamed” by the right woman.  Both have startlingly beautiful bodies that are painstakingly well-cared for.  And both aren’t too bright, at least in the traditional sense of the word.  Then again, maybe I’m just shamelessly angling for a chance to see Nick on my TV screen again . . .

3) Cam Gigandet

Age: 28

Where you’ve seen him:  the teen drama The O.C., as Bad Ass Bully, Kevin Volchok,  the film Never Back Down, as Bad Ass Bully, Ryan McCarthy, and Twilight, as Bad Ass Vampire, James.  (Notice a pattern here?)  Cam will also be featured in the upcoming movie / musical, Burlesque  and the upcoming teen comedy Easy A.

Why he’d make a great J.B.:

Under that douchey exterior, and penchant for bad boy roles, there’s a heartthrob inside Cam Gigandet, just waiting to get out.  And this is the perfect role to bring it out of him.  True, Cam would probably make for an edgier J.B. DuRone than the one mentioned in Charlaine Harris’ books.  But, then again, to be a believable match for someone as edgy and abrasive as True Blood’s Tara, maybe he will have to be.  I can just imagine the chemistry between Rutina Wesley and Cam Gigandet, and it would SIZZLE!

In terms of physical appearance, Cam has the body of fighter —  someone who spends hours and hours at the gym, just like J.B. DuRone.  In fact, I’ve never seen a film with Cam Gigandet, where he WASN’T throwing a punch, or exposing those enviable abs in some way!  To top it off, Cam is EXACTLY the same age as Anna Paquin and Rutina Wesley, which would work out perfectly for the J.B. character.  Seriously, how often do actors actually get to PLAY characters their own age, anymore?

4) Tom Hardy

Age: 32

Where you’ve seen him: the Guy Ritchie-directed, trippy action-romp, RocknRolla and the recent box office blockbuster, Inception

Why he’d make a great J.B.:

No modern day male actor exudes more inherent masculinity than Tom Hardy.    Ever word out of his mouth, and every inch of his body just screams “MAN!”  This is exactly the type of guy Tara needs in her life.  He is strong, and a protector.  But he is also remarkably stable, and lighthearted.  This is a guy who can soften Tara’s rough edges, and make her laugh.  Yet, when it is necessary, he can also give a royal beatdown to any evil vampire or werewolf stupid enough to get in her way.

5) Joshua Jackson

Age: 32

What you’ve seen him in:   the long running teen drama, Dawson’s Creek, as the loveable hopelessly romantic, Pacey Witter, the sexy teen film, Cruel Intentions, the teen slasher pic, Urban Legends, and currently, the sci-fi mystery-of-the week show, Fringe

Why he’d make a great J.B.:

Joshua Jackson is the ideal TV Boyfriend.  End of story.  In his role as Pacey Witter, we saw Joshua’s ability to melt girls hearts with a single crinkle of the eyebrow, or a knowing smirk, or a gentle touch.  Pacey, though never particularly ambitious or “wise,” in the traditional sense of the word, was a true believer in true love.  And he would sacrifice anything to protect the object of his desire and make her happy.  These are innocent motives he shares with J.B. DuRone, who is also somewhat of a hopeless romantic, with an inherent need to “care” for the women he loves. 

In his more recent roles, Joshua Jackson has had the opportunity to exhibit a manly side.  Sure, he can be soft and cuddly, but he can also be tough.  This is a guy, who’s not afraid to throw a punch, if the recipient truly deserves it.  And I’m pretty sure, J.B. has thrown a few punches in his day too.

So, there you have it.   My casting choices for Charlaine Harris’ loveably lunkhead, J.B. DuRone.  Alan Ball, if you’re reading this . . . take note!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Filed under casting, Spoilers and Sneak Peaks, True Blood

Anatomy of the BRAND NEW True Blood Trailer Released at Comic-Con 2010!

Tonight, the True Blood cast held a panel session at Comic-Con 2010 in San Diego.   I wasn’t there . . .

But I DID manage to snag a copy of the BRAND NEW trailer for the second half of Season 3, which was released during the panel session . . .

And, of course, it was AWESOME!  Check it out . . .

OK.  It’s time to ANALYZE THE HELL OUT OF THIS THING!  So, remove your jaw from the floor, retract your fangs, put your shirt (and pants) back on, and let’s get to it, shall we?

:07 – I don’t know about you, but this has always been how I preferred my Vampire Bill:  Hot, Shirtless and Chained to the Floor where he can’t get in the way of the inevitable Sookie / Eric lovefest going on nearby.

:08 – Who knew that when Franklin Mott bought Tara that UGLY ASS NIGHTY / WEDDING DRESS (probably back in the early 1800’s), he had also purchased a matching one for HIMSELF! 

(At least he finally SHAVED though.  That morning stubble must have been HELL to wake up next to . . . and I’m not talking about the one in his pants. . . )

:16 – It looks like Creepy J.J. from Big Love the Magister has got Pam!  That’s not good . . .

:17 – Hey, Vampire Bill!  That’s a nice tan your sporting!  How did . . . wait . . . uh oh!

:28 – ERIC: “I don’t know what it is.  But I know it is quite valuable.”

Look how lovingly Sookie looks at Eric, even when he is trying to pawn her off on the Big Gay Vampire King, like she’s some early 19th-century antique (Vampire Bill?).  But seriously, can you blame her?  Have you SEEN what Vampire Eric looks like in that Baby Blue Panty Dropper Sweater of his?  He can sell ME to the highest bidder, ANYTIME!

:32 – Shirtless Tommy Mickens (Marshall Allman) – Not really my cup of tea, personally.  But someone found this blog by searching for THIS EXACT IMAGE.  And I DO hate to disappoint my readers  . .  . So, here you go!

:35 – OK.  I’m confused.  When did I STOP watching the True Blood trailer, and randomly switch over to outtakes from the movie, Deliverance?

(Cringes, as “Dueling Banjos” plays in the background.)

:37 – Question: When white trash gets cleaned up, is it called “White-Washed Trash?” 

 (I didn’t like that comment Mommy Mickens made about Sam not being “family,” one bit, by the way.  But it DOES confirm what I always thought about her character.  Hint:  It rhymes with “masshole.”)

:41 – SHIRTLESS STACKHOUSE ALERT!   SHIRTLESS STACKHOUSE ALERT!

It looks like him and Crystal will be getting VERY CLOSE, VERY FAST . .  . and that her family doesn’t approve of the coupling AT ALL.  Awww . . . it’s like Romeo and Juliet . . .

 . . . if Romeo and Juliet took place in a trailer park in Louisianna . . .

:43 – Way to go Jason!  Whipping out the BIG GUNS!  (And I’m NOT talking about artillery . . .)

:53 – I just LOVE when Vampire Eric gets all up in Sookie’s personal space . . . and so does SHE!

(Note: I’m pointedly choosing to IGNORE that MEAN thing Eric said to Sookie in this scene, because his body language here CLEARLY implies otherwise . . .)

:54 – Speaking of foreplay . . .

1:00 – Of course, it wouldn’t be a True Blood trailer without at least one, “BEEEEEEEEELLLLLL!”

1:04 – It’s nice to see our former BFF’s, Sookie and Tara, bonding again.  It’s also REALLY NICE to see Tara (1) out of captivity; (2) in the sun (It means she’s not a vampire yet.); and (3) dressed in normal clothes from the 21st Century . . .

1:09 – First Deliverance, now The Matrix?  I think this trailer is broken . . .

(Actually, I’m pretty sure that Leather Chick is Vampire Spokesperson Nan from Season 2 . . .)

1:13 – White fur?  Red glowing eyes?  Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have just met our first WERE-VAMPIRE!

(Some vampire lore states that if a person consumes enough vampire blood, he or she can become a vampire without actually . . . you know . . . dying.  If that’s true HERE, and all those werewolves have been consuming Big Gay Vampire King Russell’s blood for lord knows how long, this is some SERIOUISLY BAD NEWS for Sookie and Co.)

1:14 – ALCIDE:  “I don’t take orders from vamps!”

Oooh, Alcide is SEXY when he’s angry!  And he’s sticking it to Vampire Bill too .  . . which makes it even hotter.

(By the way, I heard they just recently announced that Joe Manganiello, who plays Alcide, has officially been awarded SEASON REGULAR status!)

Here’s a little something to help you celebrate this AMAZING news!

And another SOMETHING . . .

You’re welcome.

1:19 – SOOKIE:  “If I knew what was best for me, I would have fallen in love with someone like you.”

(Get in line, Sookie!  Get in line . . .)

1:24 – SOOKIE:  “GET .  . . OUT . . . OF MY HOUSE . . . B*TCH!”

YEAH!  You go, Bad Ass Commando Sookie!

Be afraid, Trashy Debbie She-Mullet!  Be VERY afraid!

1:34 – Don’t you just HATE IT when you get stuck in the ceiling, next to the multi-million dollar chandelier!  I know I do .  . .

1:47 – You know, for some reason, every time I see Lorena, I get that song by Flo Rida stuck in my head.  “You spin my head right round, right round, when you go down, when you go down, down.”

I can’t imagine why . . .

1:53 – Poor Sookie!  If  this was any other character on this show, a picture like this would have me really worried.  But it’s SOOKIE .  . . so, I’m not.  

(No Sookie = No True Blood, and if the ratings are any indication, this show is going to be around for a LONG, LONG time!  Therefore, I’m thinking our girl is going to be just fine.  Just a little hunch I have . . .)

1:57 – Hey, I don’t like this Dream Sequence!  A Dream Sequence without a shirtless male in it, is like  . . . well . . . I don’t know what it’s like . . . something LAME though, that’s for sure! 

2:01 – Here is our first glimpse of Claudine (played by Lara Pulver). She was a fairly important character in the latter half of Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse Book series.  Unfortunately, I can’t TELL you what role she plays in Sookie’s life, because I don’t want to spoil it for you.  I CAN show it to you though . . .

(Warning: Spoilerific picture, below.)

And there you have it.  The new True Blood trailer in a nutshell.  So, what did you think?

[www.juliekushner.com]

15 Comments

Filed under Spoilers and Sneak Peaks, True Blood

Hooked on V, Worked for ME! – A Recap of True Blood’s “9 Crimes”

Welcome back, Fangbangers!  After having a week off to enjoy some fireworks, eat burnt barbecued weiners, and get wasted on cheap beer, our favorite Bon Temps residents returned this week to do even more BAD THINGS.  As you may have noticed from the title of this post, this True Blood episode was entitled “9 Crimes.”  Since, to my knowledge, the title was never explicitly explained in the context of the episode, this forced me to break out my trusty old Criminal Law book . . .

Lo and behold, there were NINE CRIMES committed during this episode.   These crimes were (in no particular order): breaking and entering (Tommy Merlotte at Sam’s house); theft (Tommy from Sam again); squatting (Sam’s white trash biological family); falsifying evidence (Andy Bellefleur re: the circumstances surrounding Egg’s death); extortion (Jason to Andy re: same); dealing illegal narcotics (Eric, Pam, Lafayette re: V); kidnapping (Franklin to Tara); assault and battery (Franklin to Tara); murder? (Lorena, Bill, and Russell to that stripper chick – implied).  Actually, there were way MORE than nine crimes committed in this episode. But this is True Blood, not Law and Order.  And there’s really no need to get technical . . .

So, without further adieu, let’s get criminal.  Shall we?

Alcide Gets Shirtless.  TV Recapper Wins Twenty Bucks

Clearly Joe Manganiello is basking in the glory of our mutual win.  Hence, the cool shades . . .

Not to toot my own horn, but . . .

Toot, Toot!

Last week, I entered into a friendly wager as to when Joe Manangiello’s character Alcide Herveaux, would take off his shirt, and reveal those god-like man pects of his.  I bet that THIS would be the week he did it.  The VERY FIRST SCENE of the episode proved me right!

Now, even though Alcide is very much the “new suitor in town,” and I am still a Sookie / Eric girl all the way . . .

. . . I must admit that the chemistry between these two was pretty palpable.  And the fact that they were both obviously fighting their feelings for one another, made the whole scene even hotter. 

When the episode begins, Sookie is in Alcide’s bedroom, “nursing” his wounds, all of which are conveniently located in the oh-so-sexy abdominal and lower back region.  (See?  Even Evil Drug Addicted Werewolves can appreciate the value of a pretty face.  Alcide’s didn’t have a scratch on it.) 

As Sookie fondles him  treats his wounds, the two discuss Alcide’s ex, Debbie.  Feeling obvious sympathy for Alcide’s “man pain,” Sookie allows her hand to linger affectionately on his shoulder.  In a highly sexually charged moment, Alcide notices the hand, and looks at Sookie.   They share “a moment.”  A moment that is interrupted when Cock Block Bill calls . . .

It Takes a “Real Man” to Dump His Lady, Via Telephone (and by “Real Man,” I mean “Spineless Turd”)

“Can you hear me now, A**HOLE?”

Yep, this was the episode where Bill “dumped” Sookie, to save her from a life of boredom and bad sex danger, sadness, and lethal threats from powerful vampires.  Oh, and this wasn’t your Garden Variety Dump, either.  Bill may be dull beneath the sheets, but when it comes to making a girl feel like crap, this dude is a CHAMP! 

In this lovely conversation, Bill tells Sookie that he has VOLUNTARILY left her, and that he is now with Lorena.  “Me and Lorena just made love.  We f*&ked like only two vampires can,” explains Bill, conversationally, bringing back to my mind that oh-so-passionate “head-turning” scene from the last episode.

Yeah . . . thanks for the memories, Vampire Bill.

I REALLY wanted the typically Spunky Sookie to fight back, after receiving this AWFUL treatment from the guy who had, just a few episodes back PROPOSED to her.  But, I guess she was caught off guard.  Because, despite all the d-bag things Bill was saying to her, Sookie just kept blubbering on and begging him to reconsider.  HELLO!   HE CHEATED ON YOU . . . with HER . . .

 . . . and told you SHE was better in bed than YOU.  What more evidence do you need to BEAT this MO FO?

“Don’t try to find me.  I do not wish to be found,” Bill finally concludes, before HANGING UP ON HER!

“Oh no you di-n’t!”

Alcide tries to comfort Sookie, having recently experienced a similar dumping of his own, at the hands of Trashy Debbie.  Unfortunately, the wolfman appears to be missing a sensitivity chip.  “No matter how well you think you know someone, they always end up kicking you in the nut sack,” Alcide sweetly offers.

“I don’t have a nut sack,” replies Sookie, dumbfounded.

You do now . . .

Alcide then puts his big muscular manly arm around Sookie  She inexplicably sniffs his armpit (yum), and nestles her head in his chest.  “You feel so warm,” she says flirtatiously (Good ole Sookie, always a STAR at hitting on men, even when in the midst of a crisis).

“It’s a werewolf thing.  We always run hot,” replies Alcide.

Truer words have never been spoken . . .

Gentlemanly Alcide, not wanting to take advantage of Sookie during her time of need (damn!), rises from the bed (no pun intended).  “You probably want some privacy,” he mutters.

“That’s the last thing I want,” answers Sookie, coyly.  (Wow, the girl is RELENTLESS.)

“Well . . . let me at least put a shirt on,” Alcide demands, before leaving the room.

Did he just say what I think he said?  A boy in True Blood who WANTS to keep his shirt on?  He MUST be new . . .

A Dream is a Wish Your Weiner Makes . . .

You know who has NO problem taking his shirt off, and taking advantage of Sookie during her time of need?  THIS GUY . . .

A few scenes later, we see our favorite Viking Vampire standing outside Sookie’s window.  The only problem?  Sookie’s window is on the third floor.  “Can all vampires fly?”  Sookie inquires, after inviting the second hunk of the evening into her bedroom.  (Girl wastes NO TIME.)

“Can all humans sing?” Eric quips in response, as he moves toward her seductively.  “How goes the search?”

“Turns out [Lousy Lay, Phone Dumper Bill] is not what I was looking for,” Sookie replies, grabbing Eric’s open black shirt with her fingers and clawing at its buttons.

She inhales Eric’s scent (apparently, girlfriend REALLY likes to sniff), and is taken aback by the fact that he has one.  “You smell like the ocean in winter.  Bill doesn’t smell like anything at all.  How is that possible?”

That’s because Bill is BORING and I am AWESOME!  It’s not possible,” whispers Eric, who is so turned on by Sookie, that he has been rendered completely incapable of making snarky and very obvious comebacks about Bill’s lack of stamina.  His eyes roll back in his head in ecstacy.

“You used to play by the North Sea as a boy,” explains Sookie.

Eric’s eyes widen.  He blinks back tears.  He has never met anyone who understood him this way, who saw him as more than a cold (but very hot) vampire enforcer.  “I can smell your memories,” continues Sookie.  “I’ve got skills you can’t even dream about.”

Suddenly, the two are kissing one another ferociously, hands in eachothers’ hair, nails clawing at eachother’s necks.  And it’s SO HOT and DIRTY, it makes the previous scene with Alcide look like Sesame Street.  Sookie pushes Eric down on the bed, and allows her nightgown to fly away with the breeze from the open window, leaving her in just a bra and panties.  She straddles him and says, “Want some more?”

But her voice sounds different . . . because it isn’t her . . . It’s Yvetta.  Eric “awakens” in Fangtasia.  Yvetta is giving him a lapdance.  The sex scene . . . it wasn’t real.  Eric looks depressed.  So are we . . .

Sam and his Stray Dogs (and Baby Vampires)

“The most exciting thing about my trailer trash family storyline is ME, and how good I look with my shirt off.  Too bad you didn’t get to see it this week.”

Sam wakes up in the middle of the night to find a “bird” trying to get into his safe.  Of course, the “bird” is none other than his ass hat new brother, Tommy.  Sam responds to this breaking and entering / theft by OFFERING TOMMY A JOB AT MERLOTTE’S!  Huh?

“What? I don’t look like a model employee to you?”

Santa Sam also offers to get his Ma and Pa a place to live, when he learns that they’ve been kicked out of their home, and have been squatting in his parking lot for days.  Bad Move, Santa!  I know they are supposed to be his family and all, but I just don’t trust these folks.

In addition to rescuing Ma, Pa, and Tommy, Sam also offers a waitressing job to the now-orphaned Vampire Jessica, a plot development I am actually really excited about.

“Welcome to Merlotte’s can I take your order?  Tonight’s specials include a nice big bite on your neck, and a highly painful death.”

The only problem is that, now that she is out in the open, Vampire Jessica is bound to run into people from her previous life.  This means she’s going to have to keep “glamouring” cute boys into forgetting her existence, like that adorable little bible thumper, who visited her in the bar during this episode.  But, hey, at least that means she can’t meet other men.  So, there is still hope for Hoyt . . .

I miss these two together.

Tara Thornton Can’t Catch a Break . . .

“Sookie gets Alcide and Eric in a SINGLE episode, and I get THIS?  Are you SERIOUS?”

Things just went from bad to worse for Poor Tara, after she was forced to let Franklin into her home, at the end of last week’s episode.  First, Franklin glamoured her into giving up information about Sookie’s relationship with Bill.  He then used her as a puppet, putting words into her mouth, when she called Sookie to ascertain the girl’s whereabouts.   According to Franklin, his “employer” was interested in finding Sookie.  But we don’t know who that is yet.  Or do we?

Franklin then threw Tara up against the wall and gave her the nastiest tongue kiss EVER, before tying her up and gagging her in Sookie’s home!  The next day, Franklin kidnaps Tara and takes her on a little “road trip”  to see none other than the Big Gay Vampire of Mississippi, and Bill’s new boss himself, Russel Edgington.

Is it just me, or does this guy have his nose in EVERY plotline this season.  Russel is SO the new maenad!

To add further insult to injury, Russel’s boy toy, Talbot, thinks Franklin brought Tara as food, and he’s NOT INTERESTED.  “Ugh, she’s skinny,” he scoffs.  Ouch.

“Were”‘s The Beef?

Although initially reluctant to help Sookie continue her search for ass hat Bill (He even called her a “doormat,” lol.), Alcide ultimately changes his mind when he learns from Sookie that his ex Debbie is hooked on V, and getting initiated into the Evil Operation Werewolf pack that night.  Sookie found this information out from Alcide’s cool, albeit uber-trashy, hairdresser sister, Janice, who was WAY disappointed when she found out Sookie wasn’t already boning Alcide.

When Janice learns that Sookie is heading back to Lou Pine’s were bar, she eagerly offers to give Sookie a “make under” so that she will fit in better.  Apparently, the werewolves in Mississippi left their fashion sense back in the 1980s, and country girl Sookie is just way too wholesome (and modern) to mesh well with the rest of the gang.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a picture of the actual Skanky Sookie, but I CAN tell you, that she ended up looking something like THIS . . .

 . . . except with a black wig, instead of a pink one, and .  . . you know . . . NOT Natalie Portman.  But you get the idea.

At Lou Pine’s, Alcide has a painful run in with Fug Debbie and her Hideously Greasy She Mullet.  (Would someone explain to me WHY a guy like Alcide would EVER consider dating a girl like THAT, let alone pine for her?  Because to me, it just defies explanation.) 

In a conversation that closely paralleled Sookie’s with Bill, Debbie tells Alcide she’s moved on to a better man, or perhaps more accurately, a better wolf — a wolf who’s name is just an “er” ending short of being REALLY unfortunate.

“The fact that you are hot, and have muscles, is the ONLY reason you didn’t get your ass kicked in elementary school . . . COOTER.”

Debbie’s initiation ceremony begins with a familiar face meeting her on stage . . . Bet you can’t guess who .  . .

I TOLD you, he gets his nose in everything!  So, apparently, Russel has been the V supplier of these werewolves all along.  The wolfmen bow down to him, as he bites his own wrist, and allows its blood to leak into a bevy of shot glasses.  All of the wolves drink the blood eagerly, except for Alcide, of course, and Debbie, who isn’t aloud to drink or else “her brand will heal.”   Debbie screams in pain, as she is fondled by a bunch of ugly weres and marked with a hot cattle brand.  I’d actually feel bad for her, if she wasn’t such a raging b&tch.

Then, either because it’s a full moon, or because they simply got excited by the branding ceremony, the entire bar starts to morph into actual werewolves, including Alcide.  His eyes yellow, as he literally BARKS at Sookie to run away.  Elsewhere, Vampire Bill is alerted to her danger by his internal Sookie Alarm, which apparently is unaware that the two have already broken up.

Mr. Bill has Gone BAD!

This week, Vampire Bill continued his downward spiral into vampiric evil.  Last week, I admitted thinking that his  recent evil deeds kind of made him seem interesting and hot.  This week?  Not so much . . .

After breaking Sookie’s heart into a thousand pieces, Vampire Bill had another joyless roll in the hay with Evil Lorena.  He then literally threw her out of his room.  With Lorena’s nasty sex juices still on his body, he went downstairs to have a little chat with Big Gay Vampire of Mississippi, Russel.

There he is again.  Busy little bee, that Russel.

Bill offered Russel information about Queen Sophie’s commandeering of Vampire Eric to illegally deal V in Louisianna.  (What?  Do ALL Vampire Kings deal their own blood now?)  He did this in exchange for the death of Lorena, the lady he just laid.  So, basically, Bill screwed Lorena (twice), as well as, Eric, Pam, and Queen Sophie, in just a matter of minutes.  And Eric said Bill didn’t have stamina . . .

Later that evening, at Russel’s behest, Bill finds a sad young stripper for Russel and Lorena to eat.  He watches her be tortured to death for a little while, before taking a few bites for himself.  How’s that for a gentleman?

“At least after I ate, I said thankyou.”

A Kinder, More Sensitive Vampire Eric (who still knows how to kick some ass)

If Vampire Bill was showing his dark side this week, and displaying his truly douchy qualities, Vampire Eric was doing quite the opposite.  In addition to sweetly pining over Sookie during the episode’s first half, Eric also came to Lafayette’s rescue when he got into some trouble, while trying to deal V to some uninterested clients.  He also ingeniously nicknamed Lafayette, “RuPaul.”

 Good one, Eric!  Fellow Nickname Champ, Sawyer (from Lost) would be proud!

As the two drove away in Lafayette’s brand new ride, provided to him by Eric himself, Eric attempted to give the adorable gay man advice on “sales techniques” and “catering to different demographics.”

“Hooker, I am SO Team Eric now.  You have NO idea!”

Unfortunately, the bromantic buddy session was cut short, when Eric learned that the “Magister” was raiding Fangtasia.  Apparently, after his informative conversation with Vampire Bill, the annoyingly omnipresent Russel Edgington tipped off the Magister to Eric’s V dealings.  When Eric returns to the bar, he finds his “child” Vampire Pam, being bound and tortured by the Magister’s goons.

The good news is, you get to be a series regular this season, Vampire Pam.  The bad news is, it looks like you get to spend a good portion of the season as damsel in distress. . .

When the Magister threatens Vampire Pam’s life, Vampire Eric is visually distressed over the thought of losing his “child.”  He will do anything to save her, even if it means throwing Vampire Bill under the bus for being behind the V dealing.

Payback’s a b&tch, isn’t it, Vampire Bill?

In OTHER news. . .

Andy Bellefleur is the new sheriff of Bon Temps!

And while I think Andy will make a FABULOUS sheriff, I couldn’t help but giggle at fellow cop, Kenya, and her sour grapes assessment of the whole thing.  “Apparently, all you need to do to become sheriff in this town, is drink like a fish, hallucinate farm animals, and shoot potential murder suspects.”

Special thanks to Kenya for reminding me of one of my FAVORITE running jokes from Season 2. 

Also, the typically angelic (and gorgeous) Jason Stackhouse . . .

. . . was uncharacteristically a**hole-esque this week, when he picked on a high school football star out of jealousy, and tried to blackmail Andy into making Jason into a cop, without having to go through the proper protocol.  And while I was really MAD at Jason, for treating his loyal pal so shabbily, if his actions pave the way for more “buddy cop” moments between these two in episodes to come, I think can manage to forgive it.

What I CAN’T forgive, however, was that Jason’s SHIRT was ON the entire episode!  Fix that next week, Alan Ball!  Please?

 

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So You Wanna Be a Vampire? Read this before making your “life-changing” decision.

 

As a recapper of television shows involving vampires, and a voracious reader of “vampire literature,” people often write to me requesting information on how one should go about turning into a vampire.  I always welcome these questions.  After all, the decision to make the “human-to-vampire transition” is not one that should be taken lightly.  And I’ve seen far too many friends jump into this life choice, without having been truly informed as to all of its attendant consequences.

It’s like my Great, Great, Great, Great, Great Grandmother Vampire Sara once said: “Life is short, but immortality is forever.”

Don’t believe Vampire Sara? Just ask THIS GUY . . . He’s ANCIENT!

Since, regretably, I do not have the time to answer ALL of your questions (I am only human, after all), I’ve decided to devise this list of Frequently Asked Questions on the topic of vampirism.  Hopefully this list will serve to shed some light on this increasingly prevalent issue.

1) How do I go about becoming a vampire?

There are some shows schools of thought that would have you believe that in order to become a vampire, all you have to do is be bitten by one.

Still other movies like The Lost Boys schools of thought would suggest that you can become a vampire, merely by drinking a few sips of another vampire’s blood.

Well GEEZ!  If THAT was the case, EVERYBODY would do it, now wouldn’t they?   Unfortunately, making the transition is not so easy.  For starters, in most cases, it involves you DYING!

NOT FUN!

So, how do you die?  Well in most cases, a hot vampire can kill you, by draining all of the human blood from your body.

If you are lucky, he will break your neck first, so you won’t actually feel any pain when he does it.  And if you’re REALLY lucky, he’ll let you dance with him, half-naked, first . . .

The next step involves YOU drinking vampire blood.  This part can be tricky.  Especially, if you are already dead, and therefore, not  thirsty.  So, I say, drink lots of vampire blood NOW, while you are alive.  This way, by the time you want to turn, it won’t be an issue anymore.

Not sure where to get vampire blood?  Call me . . . I have some L.A. connections . . .

But don’t wait too long . . . because I have a feeling my “connection” is going to “dry up” real soon.

For those of you with cash to burn, rumor has it that, somewhere in a remote village in Alaska, there is a medical clinic that can perform the procedure in three days.  So you can become immortal, and be back at work in NO TIME!  The procedure is performed by a well-renown plastic surgeon  . . .

. . . and a highly experienced anesthesiologist . . .

All it takes is a simple lethal injection, and a quick-as-a-wink blood transfusion.  The best part?   NO unnecessary bodily decay or unsightly death scars!   In fact, many local celebrities have already been spotted frequenting the clinic  . . .

Feel free to contact the Alaska Division of Tourism for more information on this exciting opportunity.

2) All the vampires I know are young and/or hot.  I’m old as dirt and ugly as sin.  Can I still be a vampire?

First of all, sir.  I am SURE you are NOT nearly as old or ugly as you say you are. (pauses to look at the picture included as e-mail attachment – gags reflexively)

Hmmmmm . . . OK . . . well . . . Surely, there are SOME vampires that are neither young nor hot.  Let me think about this for a moment . . .

Nope.  You are right.  Unfortunately, there just doesn’t seem to be a real market out there for old ugly bloodsuckers.   Sorry about that.  Thanks for playing.  Better luck next life time . . .

3) What about that whole “can’t go out in the sunlight” thing?  I’m kind of a morning person.  So, I’m not sure I could handle that.

I can see how the whole “sunlight allergy” and “dead until dark” thing, could put a real crimp in your social and professional life.  Fortunately, today’s vampires have found many ways around this pesky inconvenience.  For example, you could, wear ugly sun-repellant jewelry like those boys in The Vampire Diaries . . .

. . . or pour glitter all over your naked body, like a drag queen at a gay nightclub  . . .

And if THAT doesn’t work, just suck it up and hang out with other vampires, who keep your same hours . . .

After you’ve become a super cool vampire, you aren’t going to want to associate with us lame ass humans, anyway.

4) I’m a pretty peaceful person.  I just don’t know if it’s in me to kill other people for their blood.  How would I survive?

Wait . . . you mean to tell me that you DON’T lick and bite people for fun?  Clearly, you are missing out.

You see, nowadays, most vampires don’t need to kill to survive.  There are lots of other options available to you.  For example, you can take a little nip of your lover during foreplay.  Very sexy!

You can also “borrow” blood from blood banks, like that dude from Moonlight . . .

. . . Or drink that synthetic stuff that looks like beer, but tastes like orange soda . . .

And, FINALLY, if you HATE little defenseless animals, and have no heart, you can go out into the woods and drink from Bambi’s mother . . .

Personally, I think this is the WORST / most immoral of ALL the above options.  However, folks in the literary world seem to equate Deer-Sucking with sainthood.  So far be it for me to judge, right?

5) Will I have any special powers when I’m a vampire?

You mean, ASIDE from being IMMORTAL, HOT and TOTALLY AWESOME?  . . .  Plenty.  As a vampire, you will have super-human strength and speed.

You will also f*ck like a rockstar . . .

Some say that you can even fly.  But, as far as I’m concerned, the coolest vampire skill of all that you will obtain is your ability to control people’s minds.

Aside from being hot, young, and Olympic-caliber f&ckers, THIS is probably the main reason why vampires ALWAYS get their mate.  Call it compulsion; call it “glamour;” call it “persuasion.”  Whatever you call it, it always works the same way.  Stare at your target with your beautiful eyes.  She falls into a deep trance.  You tell her exactly what you want her to do.  She does it.  Now, how awesome is THAT?

6) Do I REALLY need to be invited in EVERY time I want to enter a new human’s home?

The fact that you are even asking this question tells me that you are a completely rude turd, with no manners whatsoever .  . . no offense.  YES, you have to be invited in!  But the better question is, why is that a problem for you?  Is it your “thing” to just randomly go barging into people’s houses uninvited?  Talk about a BAD house guest.

Fish and YOU smell after three days . . .

Coincidentally, if you REALLY want to get into someone’s house, and the person isn’t inviting you in, just COMPEL him or her to WANT to invite you inside.  Problem solved.

7) I’ve been a vampire for many, MANY years now. All my friends are dead.  I’m bored.  What do I do now?

Ugh!  Type O, AGAIN?  I just drank that on Tuesday!

Simple.  Off yourself.  There are plenty of easy ways to do it.  For starters, you can, go on vacation someplace tropical . . .

Take a long walk into a short stake . . .

 . . . lose your head . . .

(I made this picture small, because it creeped me out too much, when it was larger.)

 . . . or just hang out with Buffy . . .

You’ll be chilling in Heaven in NO TIME!  Well . . . maybe not Heaven . . .

8 ) Any parting advice before I make “the change?”

Yes . . . invest in some good dental insurance.  You are going to have some f*&ked up teeth, for sure!

Well, that’s all I’ve got, folks.  See you on the “Other Side.”

 [What is Life Sucks Death Bites?]  [What is The Exquisite Corpse?] [ Who is Bellamy Jordan?]

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True Blood Minisode 6 – Jason Stackhouse freaks out, reminisces a bit, freaks out again (yet keeps his shirt on – WHY?)

 

It’s time to curl up in bed with a good minisode starring The Hot One . . .

Welcome back Fangbangers!  It’s Wednesday!  (As in, NOT Tuesday.  As in, HBO waited until the LAST minisode to prove my entire “Tuesday Minisode Internet Leak” theory wrong.  Or, perhaps, the whole “national holiday” thing simply got in the way, and I was right after all.  I like the latter argument much better.  So, let’s stick with that, OK?)

Anyway . . . today marked the online premiere of the LAST MINISODE EVER to air, before True Blood kicks off its Season 3 premiere on June 13th.  And what better way to end off our “mini” season, than with a video starring this guy?

If you recall, during the Season 2 finale of True Blood, Jason Stackhouse a.k.a. “The Hot One” shot and killed Tara’s one time beau, Eggs.

(I couldn’t decide between making a cheap shot at the Dead Guy’s unfortunate name, or objectifying the Dead Guy, by including a shirtless shot of him.  Then, I  figured, “Hey, I look like a poopy head either way.”  

So, I opted for both!  EVERYBODY wins!)

Acting on impulse, Jason committed murder, in order to protect his bromantic buddy, Andy Bellefleur, from perceived harm . . .

 . . . and if that’s not love, I don’t know what is!

This minisode pretty much starts right where Jason left off in Season 2.  So, without further adieu, lets BRING ON THE STACKHOUSE! 

(Oh, and before you push play, here’s a little hint for you.  Pay VERY close attention to the final frame of this video.  I have a feeling it will have MAJOR importance to Jason’s storyline this season . . . ;))

(Thanks again to ShirtlessLocke for posting this.  I’m pretty sure I got a majority of these minisodes and True Blood trailers from you . . . In short, YOU RULE!)

SIX MINISODES and ONLY ONE shirtless male castmember image?

WTF HBO!  (In case you were curious, I’m referring to Sam in Minisode 4,  both as man and dog . . . Wait . . . does that count as one or two?)

Excess “shirt-age” aside, I think Jason’s minisode was a great “finale” to the Drop of True Blood minisode series.  Kudos to Ryan Kwanten for giving a surprisingly intense performance, in the absolute last place we would expect one.  God, Jesus, Mary Magdalene and Allah all appreciate your efforts.  As do . . . “Confusion” . . .

Scientology,

Aliens,

and the Lion from Narnia.

“Awww man!  Why couldn’t you put me next to the Fortune Cookie?  Haven’t I been through enough?”

You know, until I watched this, I never realized how many DEATHS Jason had been implicated in since Season 1.  R.I.P. Maudette, Dawn, Granny, Amy and Eggs.  Something tells me you’ll all be in good company NEXT SEASON . . .

So, there you have it folks.  SIX Weeks and SIX Minisodes.  It’s been a long and hard wait, but June 13th is nearly here . . .

  I’m so excited I could almost bite someone . . .

In fact, I’m pretty sure I am a danger to others.  You might have to put me in handcuffs, to protect the masses . . .

I know, I know, I’m shameless, aren’t I?  OK.  I’m stopping now.

You may think I’m being annoying, with my excessive (and not always post-related) shirtless picture posting.  But you’re going to miss these, when they’re gone!  Trust me!

(Speaking of “missing” . . . if, by chance, you have missed any of the previous True Blood Minisodes, you  can find links to all of them here.)

That’s all folks!  True Blood Season 3 premieres June 13th at 9 p.m. on HBO (as if you needed reminding!).  Be there .  . . or Jason Stackhouse may never take his shirt off AGAIN!

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True Blood Minisode 5 – Vampire Bill has a new “Lady Friend” . . .

Happy Tuesday, Fangbangers!  Guess what?  It’s time for yet another installment of HBO’s Drop of True Blood minisode series!  (Just in case you didn’t figure that out from reading the title to this post .  . .)  This minisode stars none-other-than Bon Temps very own, recently kidnapped, Vampire Bill! 

 “Oh wow!”  You say. 

“Is he OK?”  You wonder. 

“Where are they keeping him?   Is he being tortured?”  You cry out, in anguish.

Unfortunately, I don’t know the answer to ANY of these questions.  And watching this clip won’t exactly help YOU to answer them either.  After all, this “mini” takes place in Vampire Bill’s house.  And, in it, he’s just hanging out in his bathrobe, looking happy as a clam.  

(Why do people always say that?   Happy as a clam .  .  . Do YOU know any happy clams?  Because if I was a clam, I think I’d be pretty friggin miserable ALL THE TIME .  . . but that’s just me.)

But enough about clams . . . . back to the clip.  It pretty obviously takes place before the Season 2 finale.   Seeing as, during that episode, SOMEONE  . . . you know . . .  bound up Vampire Bill, gagged him, and dragged him away . . . presumably never to be seen until Season 3 AGAIN!

I’m thinking that — like the Sookie, Tara, and Lafayette scene that I posted here a few weeks ago — this minisode is yet another example of a  “deleted scene” from Season 2.  In it, a strange woman arrives at Vampire Bill’s home, late at night.  And she has something HE wants . . .  The question is, how far is he willing to go, to get it?  You’ll just have to watch and see . . .

Thanks again to ShirtlessLocke, for allowing clip embedding!

OK . . . OK . . . I’ll admit it.  My post title,  my intro picture, and pretty much everything I wrote here, up until I embedded the YouTube clip, were all a bit misleading.  But honestly, I don’t think ANYONE would have clicked on the link to this post, if I called it “Vampire Bill Scams a Cheap Engagement Ring Off Some Old Horny Broad.”  Can you blame me for trying to spice things up a bit?

Now, those of you who have read my previous True Blood posts, already know that I have a tendency to be a bit down on our Fangy Friend, Mister Bill, here . . .

Now, don’t get me wrong!  It’s not that I don’t like Vampire Bill!  I DO!  It’s just that he’s not . . .  this guy . . .

 . . . or this guy . . .

 . . . or THESE guys . . .

 . . . who, despite being on an ENTIRELY different show, still manage to surpass our pal, Bill, in the hot brooding vampire department.

That being said, major props to Stephen Moyer for inserting a nice bit of humor into this scene, and making Vampire Bill just a bit more likeable.  Having watched this clip, I think we all gained a bit more insight into what truly makes Vampire Bill tick . . . 

For example, we learned that he is FABULOUS bargain hunter!  Bill Compton would be a great guy to bring along with you, if you were . . . say . . . heading to your local flea market (assuming, of course, that your “local flea market” keeps night hours . . .). 

“Hey, would someone close the shades, please!  I’m starting to decay . . .”

In this “important” scene, Bill also proved himself to be a loyal lover to Sookie. 

 Then again, I’d probably be a bit more impressed with his manly “restraint,” had his temptress not borne such a resemblance to my best friend’s grandmother . . .

Now Granny, I meant that in the nicest way possible!  There’s no need to get all riled up!  Did you forget to take your meds again?

Tune in next week for the FINAL minisode of the Drop of True Blood Series.  After that  . . . Next stop SEASON 3!

Heck!  Even Josh Holloway is excited!  And this isn’t even HIS show!

Just in case you’ve missed any of the True Blood goodies previously posted on this site, you can catch the extended promo for Season 3 of True Blood here.  (Don’t forget to read the comment section.  There, my blogging buddy, Lola (of Lovely Entropy fame),  posted a FABULOUS True Blood sneak peak, one that will allow you to get a glimpse of what Vampire Eric looks like, after having endured SIX HOURS of nonstop sex!

Here’s a hint of what you might see . . .

Once you’re done drooling over that, feel free to check out past minisodes, by clicking . . .

Here (Minisode 4 – Starring Sam);

Here (Minisode 3 – Starring Sookie, Tara, and Lafayette);

Here (Minisode 2 – Starring Vampire Jessica);

and Here (Minisode 1 – Starring Vampires Eric and Pam).

True Blood Season 3 premieres on June 13th, at 9 p.m. on HBO.  Be there!  Or Vampire Bill will make you wear his ugly robe FOR ALL ETERNITY!

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True Blood Season 3: Anatomy of an AWESOME New Promo!

I’m with you, Lafayette!  That’s how I felt, after I watched this video TOO!

If you’re a True Blood fan, and you’ve stopped by this blog, during the past few weeks or so, you know that I have been getting particular joy out of “leaking” the Drop of True Blood minisodes, on here, about a week before they air live on HBO.  What you DON’T know, is that I have also been trolling YouTube for solid promos for the show’s upcoming third season.  Unfortunately, the ones I’d been finding, up to this point, had been a bit, forgive the expression, “bloodless,” lasting, on average, about 35 seconds, and showing little more than a teasing scene or two. 

So, you can imagine how THRILLED I was, when I was randomly flipping channels this evening, and, entirely by accident, came across this gem . . .

(Special thanks go out to TrueBloodItalia for posting this, allowing embedding, and, basically, making my night!)

Color me impressed!  HBO gave us A LOT to work with here, especially considering that the season premiere is still about three weeks away.

Let’s analyze, shall we?

:5 – We open with a far away shot of an unidentified shirtless man.  I’m going to take a shot in the dark here, and guess that it’s Vampire Bill.   As Shakira once said, “The pects don’t lie.”  Or, was it hips?  I don’t know.  It was definitely something about a hot body part telling the truth . . .

:14 – Eric to Sookie:  “You’re so blinded by your obsession with Bill Compton, that you are going to get yourself killed.”

Translation: “I love you, Sookie!  Toss that Old Dead Windbag to the curb and give a tall Viking Vampire some hot lovin’!”

OK, maybe that translation was a bit of a stretch.  But I’m a Sookie / Eric Shipper all the way!  And I was HIGHLY satisfied with all the screen time that these two had together in this trailer!  I mean, you have to LOVE Eric Northman.  He’s cocky!  He’s confident!  He does that seductive “eye thing,” when he’s trying to infuriate / seduce Sookie . . .

In short, he reminds me VERY MUCH, of another television vampire that I adore . . .

:16 – Eric to Sookie:  “You’re life is too valuable to be thrown away!”  (OK.  I didn’t even HAVE to translate that one.  It was Eric/Sookie Shipper Friendly, all on its OWN!)

:21 – Here, we get our first shot of new True Blood character, Franklin Mott, played by James Frain . . .

The casting call sheet described him as an “older vampire and love interest for Tara” . . .

That description is consistent with a character of the same name, who appears in the third book of the Southern Vampire Mysteries, Club Dead, on which this season’s True Blood is purportedly based.  However, based on the few scenes I have seen involving this character, my impression is that the show will offer a darker interpretation of Franklin Mott than the one depicted in the book.  The scenes between him and Tara, seem less like love and more like rape / torture.   Tara, honey, I love you, but you have some BAD taste in men and friends (cough, Maryanne from Season 2, cough)!

:22 – Case in point, that was some UNSEXY sex, if you ask me!

:23 – Don’t you hate it when you’re in some backwoods town, and some dirty hillbilly puts a huge shotgun in your face?  Because it happens to me ALL THE TIME . . .

WOW!  Does that screencap look 3D, or what? 

:25 – 27 –  It looks like this little scene was our introduction to two more new True Blood characters, namely Sam’s little brother, Tommy Merlotte, played by Marshall Allman .  . .

 .  . . and Mommy Merlotte, played by J. Smith Cameron . . .

These two DIRTY-UP nicely, don’t they?  Who knew levelheaded Sam had such Trailer Park Trashy roots? 

:33 – This is what happens when Baby Vampire’s Makers go away!  It makes Good Vamps go Bad!  (Isn’t that the name of a Cobra Starship song?)

:34 – Ahhh, Pam!  Same trademark Laura Bush-style wardrobe, same snarky attitude.  Kudos to the producers for wising up and FINALLY making Kristin Bauer a series regular . . .

:37 –  Eric to Sookie: “Invite me in!”

Ooh, la la!  Close talking!  Intense looks!  He’s trying to rescue her from WEREWOLVES!  My Relation-Shipper senses are all a-tingly!

:50 –  This exchange between Sookie and her brother Eric?  Comedic Gold!  Just look how EXCITED Jason gets, when faced with the possibility that Santa might actually be real  . . .

I heart Ryan Kwanten!

: 57 – WOAH!  Who’s that slut rubbing up on Vampire Bill?

:59 – OK, boys, this is a classic example of what NOT to do when kissing a girl!  Check out Tara’s look of utter revulsion, if you don’t believe me . . .

1:06 – Welcome back, Andy Bellefleur!  Have you lost weight?

More Andy and Jason antics in Season 3  = EVEN MORE COMEDIC GOLD!

1:14 – Eric to Sookie:  “You’re no good to Bill or to me, if you’re dead.”  (Alexander Skarsgard looks good, even when his mouth is caked with nasty blood and guts.  Now THAT’S the mark of a REAL MAN!) 

1:19 – Here’s our first shot of Joe Manganiello, as Werewolf Alcide Herveaux.

Did you notice how he totally looked Sookie up and down, as he said “Eric Northman sent me to look after you.”  (Sheesh, is there ANY man on this show who DOESN’T want Sookie . . . aside from her brother, of course ?)  It looks like these two will be headed on a road trip to Jackson, Mississippi to “collect Bill.”  And we all KNOW that naughty things have a tendency to happen on ROAD TRIPS . . . 😉

1:23 – Holy, Biker Bar, Batman!  Did I accidentally flip over to Sons of Anarchy on FX, and not realize it?

1:31 – Meet Big Gay Vampire King of Mississipi, Russel Edgington, played by Denis O’Hare.  Observe the most unattractive facial expression on the planet . . .

1:32  – Awwww, puppy!

Come on, those CGI graphics are WAY TOO CUTE to be a werewolf!

1:37 – Here’s a shot of Bad Ass Werewolf Biker Dude, Coot, played by Grant Bowler . . .

Nice abs!

1:39 – Speaking of abs, Vampire Bill .  . . have you been working out?

1:41 – Stop, Drop, And ROLL, Random Burning Man!

1:42 – Do I really need to explain my inclusion of this picture into this post?  I didn’t think so . . .

1:43 – This picture goes out to my new blog pal, Buddy, who says I ONLY show Shirtless Men pictures on My Blog . . .

I’m pretty sure this is ANOTHER dream sequence .  . . The question is:  Is it Sookie’s dream, or Eric’s, or BOTH?

1:47  – Speaking of “Santa,” I’m pretty sure Christmas came early this year.  After all, I was able to get a screencap of THIS blink-and-you’ll-miss-it shot from the promo!

1:48 – Four out of five dentists recommend flossing, at least once a day . . .

Vampire Bill just ate the fifth dentist . . .

1:55 – Bill to Sookie: “Do not try to find me.  I do not wish to be found!”  (Bill, sweetie, with men like Eric and Alcide on her side, why would she even WANT to find you?  Be careful what you wish for, Mr. Compton . . .)

There you have it,  the True Blood extended promo in a nutshell.  Lots of new characters and werewolves, a TON of shirtlessness (both male and female), a boatload of sex, some blood, and MORE than a handful of Sookie and Eric moments, to boot . . . What could be bad?

True Blood premieres Sunday, June 13th at 9 p.m. on HBO,  be there or . . .  well .  . . having seen THIS trailer . . . do you REALLY need any MORE reasons to watch?

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