“What happens at Vegas Night . . .” – A Recap of The Season Finale of Degrassi’s The Boiling Point

So, you peed your pants at the end of the episode.  So WHAT?  You’re still pretty cool in my book . . .

If you’re like me, you’ve probably been following Degrassi’s The Boiling Point on Teen Nick this summer.  And if you HAVE been following the show, you know that it’s season finale, entitled “All Falls Down,” aired tonight.  Although the final episode didn’t push the envelope quite as far as I would have liked, I thought it was a fitting end to a surprisingly well-written, and enjoyable season. 

Sure, it got off to a rather slow and awkward start . . .

“I don’t really know you that well.  But you and I are both getting too old to be on this show.  So, what do you say we get married, and ride off into the sunset together?”

 . . . but somewhere around the halfway point, the show really hit its stride.  And, before I knew it, I was hooked . . .

First transgender teen character on television?  AWESOME!

So without further adieu, let’s take a look back on how it all ended, shall we?

Sav and Holly J. – Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

*playing guitar and singing off key*  “You’re my one, my only . . .  [Insert your name here].”

Remember a couple of seasons ago when Sav was dating Anya . . .

 . . . and she was mad at him, because he wouldn’t introduce her to his parents (even though they had been dating for six months), because she wasn’t a Muslim?  No?  Well, it happened.  And to make it up to Anya, Sav serenaded her with the cheesiest, most ear-splittingly bad song, EVER!  And it worked!  Why?  Because Sav is such a STUD MUFFIN . . .obviously.

Well . . . now, Sav and Anya are splitsville . . .

 . . . and Sav has started making goo goo eyes, at Anya’s once B.F.F., Holly J . . . 

 . . . who . . . up until a few episodes ago . . . was swapping spit with THIS GUY . . .

 .  . . who once made out with his SISTER . . .

 .  . . who looks like THIS . . .

Hair: The Musical called . . . they want that outfit back . . .

 . . . and is currently best friends with Holly J.

But I digress . . . so Holly J. and Sav are sort of / kind of together.  And at Vegas Night, Sav shows his affection for Holly J. by . . . you guessed it . . . SINGING A CRAPPY SONG to her in front of the entire student body .  . . a song that sounds suspiciously similar to the “Anya Song.” 

It WORKS . . . AGAIN !  

What is wrong with these girls?

 Anyway, Holly J. gives thanks to Sav and his magical musical charms,  by changing into a totally tarty outfit, and stripping for him in an abandoned classroom. 

AND . . . then . . .  just when things are starting to get exciting . . . the cops come and spoil EVERYTHING  . . . (No money shot today!)

I’m thinking the public indecency charge is not going to look so hot on Holly J.’s Yale application.  Just saying . . .  I blame Stud Muffin Sav and his hypnotic (and by “hypnotic,” I mean “awful”) voice.

But believe it or not, the cops didn’t break up Degrassi’s Vegas Night due to a Sav-induced noise violation.  So, why did they come, you ask?  Well . . . we’ll get to that in a bit.  We’ve got other slutty fish to fry first . . .

Some like it hot . . . in the Boiler Room

“I did a BAD, BAD thing . . .”

OK.  So, where was I during high school, that no one EVER invited ME to the hottest room in the building to get “nekkid” with the cool kids?

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Bianca!

So, Drew, the Dumb Jock with a Heart of Gold, but NO self control WHATSOEVER  . . .

Keep a bun on that weiner, boy!

 . . . was dating the smart, but super self-absorbed and slightly promiscuous, Alli . . .

 Except the “slightly” part of her promiscuousness was, apparently, not enough for Drew.  So, HE eventually succumbed to the charms of SUPER SLUT from SLUTTY SLUTVILLE, Bianca  . . .

 . . . who inexplicably wears ugly ACID WASH mom jeans from 1982 . . .

 . . . and once ALMOST got it on with Drew’s transgender step-bro, Adam . . .

Not only is Bianca a TOTAL HO, she also has a HUGE MOUTH (which, probably helped things along significantly in the Boiler Room, while these two were going at it). 

At Vegas Night, Big Mouth Bianca tells Drew’s girl, Alli, about the illicit hookup.  And then, when Drew tries to say the two just kissed, Bianca CORRECTS him, alluding to the fact that SHE kissed Drew . . . DOWN BELOW.

So, the now- heartbroken,  still slightly- promiscious, Alli heads off to the Boiler Room with Big Bully, Small Willy, Owen . . .

 .  . . who offers her $50 bucks (Is that play money, or does Canadian cash actually look like that?) to kiss HIM  . . . DOWN BELOW.  But, like I said, Alli is only SLIGHTLY promiscuous.  And, while she DOES want to make Drew jealous, the “Nether Region Kissing thing” is a no-go for her.  So, Alli tells Big Bully, Small Willy, Owen, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

Then he tries to RAPE HER!

Fortunately, Dumb Jock with the Heart of Gold, but NO Self Control, Drew comes to her rescue!

But then Drew’s MOM, who is some “big important” school superintendent, or something . . .

 . . . comes to the Boiler Room, finds the pair together, and automatically assumes that Slightly Promiscious Alli seduced her poor little innocent son, Drew.  YIKES!

But that STILL doesn’t explain why the cops were at Degrassi  . . .  Not to worry.  This will . . .

Here’s barfing at you, kid . . .

Smart, sensitive, slightly emo lovebirds, Eli and Clare, have TRULY been the REAL lovestory of this season.

Episode after episode, we have rooted for them, as they overcame eachother’s respective baggage (He sort of / kind of had a role in his ex-girlfriend’s death.  She’s massively uptight, and her last boyfriend dumped her for a prettier, but much less intelligent, blonde.), and tentatively moved toward a surprisingly sexy romantic relationship.

Eli and Clare studying French . . . kissing.

But while Clare and Eli were moving deeper into one another’s pants, Eli was still grappling with the fact that his ass was getting kicked fairly regularly by his Nemesis, Trailer Trash Fitzy . . .

Eli and Fitz have been sparring for most of the season — with Eli using his wits to get the better of Dumb Bunny Fitz, and Fitz responding by repeatedly kneeing Poor Eli in the nuts.  In an effort to evoke a truce between the two, the usually smart Clare inexplicably agrees to go to Vegas Night as Fitz’s date.

Ummm . . . riiiiiight, because the IDEAL way to stop your boyfriend from hating his nemesis, is to DATE that nemesis. 

Understandably, Eli is pissed.  He wants Clare to put some Ipecac in Fitz’s drink to make him puke.  She refuses.  So, at Vegas Night, Eli spikes Fitz’s drink with the “puke juice” himself, and tricks Clare into getting Fitz to drink it. 

Infuriated and still smelling like vomit, Fitz goes to his locker, and gets a knife . . .

 . . . and then THIS happens . . .

. . . just kidding . . . but wouldn’t that have been AWESOME?

What actually happens is that Clare sees Fitz with the knife, and rushes to tell Principal Simpson.  THAT’S how the cops end up coming to the school, and finding Half Naked Holly J humping Sav in an abandoned classroom.  And THAT’S how Drew’s superintendent (or something) mom ended up in the boiler room, where she found Slightly Promiscuous Alli doing precisely nothing but crying, and, yet, jumped to conclusions about her sluttiness, anyway.

Meanwhile, Fitz lunged at Eli with a knife . . .

 . . . but never ended up stabbing him.  Fitz DID make Eli piss his pants though.  One bodily function deserves another, I guess.  Now, they are even!  Plus, Eli, my favorite character of the season, will live on to brood, smoulder, and drive around town in his cool hearse, another day . . .

Ultimately, Fitz was arrested.  Principal Simpson then told his four once-favorite students that he was mad at them, and planned to make their lives miserable . . .

To prove it to them, he grabbed Fitz’s knife, and did THIS . . .

Kidding again!  Sorry, I couldn’t help myself . . .

Well .  . . there you have it.  That was the Season Finale of Degrassi’s Boiling Point in a nutshell.  What did you think of the episode?  Did you enjoy the Boiling Point?  Do you plan to watch Degrassi next season?  Are you as much of Emo Eli fan as I am?  All good questions . . .

[www.juliekushner.com]

Degrassi: The Boiling Point (Because Canadian Teens are People Too!)

The cast of Degrassi: The Next Generation . . . NONE of these people are actually on the show anymore.  Seriously.

Once upon a time (the early 2000s) in a land far, far, away (Canada), a bunch of folks got together and created a half-hour television program called Degrassi: The Next Generation.  It was a show about high school kids (well . . . actually, they started out in junior high), one which starred actors and actresses who were ACTUALLY teenagers  . . .

 . . . as opposed to the 35- and 40-year olds who typically starred in teen television dramas at that time.

Meet the first 16-year old to ever suffer from menopause . . .

And the first 17-year old to experience erectile dysfunction disorder.

But what most of us fans of the show DIDN’T know, was that Degrassi wasn’t exactly NEW.  It was actually a revamp of a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY old show (from the 1980s) that ALSO featured high school kids.  Except THEY looked like THIS . . .

Woah!  Scary!

 . . . and had HAIR like THIS . . .

How exactly did one sleep at night, with hair like THAT?  Wouldn’t it puncture holes in the bedroom wall, in the middle of the night?

Throughout the years, the NEW Degrassi grew more and more popular.  And as its cast aged (into their LATE teens, mind you, not their LATE fifties like those OTHER shows), its storylines became more and more provocative.  Degrassi began to tackle REAL issues that REAL teens faced everyday, like . . .

Rape;

Self-mutilation;

Mental illness;

Addiction to Prescription Pain Medication;

School Shootings; and

Zombies.

Due largely to the success of the show, and the innate talents of its stars, many Degrassi: The Next Generation cast members went on to become big stars in .  . . wait for it . . . THE UNITED STATES.  For example, you may remember Darcy Edwards (played by Shenae Grimes), the “good little Christian girl” . . .

“OMG!  You just CURSED!  You are SO going to hell!”

 . . . turned Skanky Ho / Internet Porn Star . . .

 . . . or, as you NOW know her, Annie from the NEW 90210.

Then, there was Little Jimmy (played by Aubrey Graham), the Rich Kid Jock . . .

 . . . who was tragically confined to a wheel chair, after being shot in the back by a psycho.  But you might know him better as kickass rapper dude, Drake . . .

And who could forget my personal favorite?  Baby Mama Mia.

 She doesn’t look familiar to you?  Perhaps you’d recognize her more, if she was attached to the lips of some VERY HOT VAMPIRES . . .

It’s Nina Dobrev!  Or as you know her better, Elena Gilbert of The Vampire Diaries!

Can I get a, “Hell yeah!”

Unfortunately, soon after the departure of these folks (along with most of the rest of the show’s original cast) came an inevitable drop in the show’s ratings . . .

Coming up on its tenth season, Degrassi: The Next Generation was staring down cancellation.  To stay afloat, it needed a MIRACLE!  It needed a HAIL MARY!

Hail, Mary!

So the producers of Degrassi came up with a plan . . .

Why not spice things up a bit, by changing the show’s format to one that’s already proven successful?  Why not make Degrassi into . . .  a SOAP OPERA!

So what if HALF of the longest running soap operas on television have been CANCELED within the past two years?

Clearly, this is an AMAZING and FAILSAFE idea!

And so, starting this week, Degrassi: The Next Generation has traded in its weekly airings for daily ones.  This summer, a half-hour episode of the series will air every weekday at 9 p.m. on TeenNick for six weeks.  This television viewing event is being referred to by advertisers as THE BOILING POINT . . . though I’m not quire sure why . . .

(Maybe watching it gives you hot flashes . . .)

The promo is pretty cool though!

THE BOILING POINT kicked off early this week, with a two-hour special entitled Degrassi Takes Manhattan.  The series got off to a good start, at least in terms of “shock value,” if not exactly for “good plotting” or “good acting.”  During the special, two characters who had precisely NOTHING to do with one another for the ENTIRE ten years they were on the program together (Spinner and Emma), inexplicably declared their “love” for one another, and got married . . .

“And you are . . .?”

(Man!  That drunken Vegas Toronto casino sex must have been REALLY GOOD . . .)

Then, an, admittedly very attractive, brother / sister duo (Declan and Fiona) engaged in a very public, disturbingly sexy, MAKEOUT session with eachother!

“So, Declan.  What do you think we should name our three-headed kids?”

But then, things kind of went downhill .  . .

Take this first week of episodes, for example.  It featured the following plotlines  . . .

THIS couple is NOT pregnant . . .

THIS girl is NOT getting a boob job  . . .

THIS girl did NOT try to commit suicide (ugly ass headband, notwithstanding).

If this keeps up, they may have to change Degrassi’s infamous tagline from “It Goes There” to “It Goes  . . . Where?”

I mean, really!  Fake pregnancies to win ELECTIONS?  Rumors about someone getting a boob job, when she is actually getting LASIK EYE SURGERY?  Could THIS be the same program that brought us this shocking scene?

OR this one?

Then again, maybe I’m being too harsh.  It IS early in the season, yet.  And maybe things will start to pick up, as the weeks wear on . . .  Here’s hoping . . .

So, I have to ask.  Have YOU been watching THE BOILING POINT?  If so, what do you think so far?

[Degrassi’s THE BOILING POINT airs weeknights at 9 p.m. on TeenNick this summer]