Tag Archives: stebekah

I Know What You Did Last Silas . . . – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Into the Wild”

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Nothing like a little change of scenery to shake things up a bit.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, we all love getting wasted on whiskey at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls . . .

save a drink for

And getting staked at Elena Gilbert’s house .  . .

throwing stakes

And getting chased by psychopaths down the hallway of Mystic Falls High . . .

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And we DEFINITELY love getting wet in Damon’s shower . . .

wet damon 2

But sometimes we all can use a break from the daily grind of getting our hearts ripped out of our chests . . .

rebekah heart

. . . and hot no-frills sex . . .

stebekah

. . . and drama with a capital D.

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Sometimes, we just need to . . . go to Canada . . .

This week’s installment of TVD was a literal detour from week’s past, in that a good portion of it took place on a remote island off the coast of Nova Scotia . . . Lost Island Silas Island.  So, strap on that backpack, hold your ancient headstone up high, and practice your “expression,” Fangbangers.  Because it’s time to head . . . “Into the Wild.”

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[As always special thanks to Andre, who photographs Steven R. McQueens pectorals more lovingly than Bonnie Bennett ever could . . .]

Bushy hair is whacked!

scared shane

It’s Super Short Flashback Time!  Professor Dumpy Dork is being chased through the forest by . . . wait . . . is that Johnny Depp’s character from The Lone Ranger?

running man

depp tonto

I guess we can take this to mean the natives are on Team Dead Kol, when it comes to letting The Cure stay buried, right alongside other Discarded TVD Plotlines, like Damon’s Crow and Bonnie’s decision to date her sort-of brother?

funny kol face

“Now, where was Johnny Depp, last week, when I was getting my ass handed to me at Baby Vamp’s house?”

Back in the present day, our Scooby Gang (minus Caroline and Tyler) arrives on Lost Island Silas Island in their trusty canoes.  (Who knew Mystic Falls had its very own Eastern Mountain Sports store?)  Professor Dumpy Dork waxes poetic about the island, and makes some lame vampire sunscreen joke to Damon, who looks unamused.

sunscreen

“Are you sure?  It smells like coconuts?”

Then, Rebekah and Elena try to stake one another in front of Stefan, who looks VERY amused, but has to pretend he’s not . . . you know, to protect his image as the Brooding Tortured One.

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Hey . . . you know what . . . while we are waiting for something exciting to happen, let’s go ahead and give our Scooby Gang their Lost identities for the hour.  After all, this is the Lost episode of TVD, after all.  (For those of you who never watched Lost, feel free to skip down to the next section, as this part is going to make absolutely no sense to you.)

dancing losties light-comma-sticks

Professor Dumpy Dork, of course, is our Benjamin Linus.  You know, the guy who fans new was bad news, the minute he appeared on screen.  And yet the Losties took about a season to figure out the exact same thing . . .

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professor shane

Damon is that uber sexy snarky rascal, Sawyer (naturally) . . .

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the show

Which, I guess makes Elena, the intrepid Kate . . .

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And Stefan the serious minded doctor with daddy issues, Jack . . .

we have to go back

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Depending on your personal feelings about her, Rebekah could either be the started-out-as-an-Other, but-turned-into-an-ally / plucky love interest blonde, Juliet . . .

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 . . . or the bratty, doomed-to-die blonde with brother issues, Shannon . ..

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Our warrior Jeremy, will double as THEIR Warrior, Sayid . . .

sayid warrior

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Also starring Bonnie Bennett as . . .  the Smoke Monster . . .

smokey

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X Marks Jeremy’s Nipple

Now, I like obligatory shots of Steven R. McQueen’s naked flesh as much as the next girl . . .

photograph body

But could someone please tell me why they waited until the crew got to FREEZING COLD LOST ISLAND for Bonnie to start snapping pictures of JerBear’s hot bod?

stefan shrug

They couldn’t have done that before they left . . . like, say, in Jeremy’s bed?

Because the way Bonnie was fondling that tattoo definitely seemed illustrate a bit more than “scientific interest” on her part . . .

fondle

And let’s be honest, as far as Maps To the Cure go, this one seems to pretty much be the Easiest One to Read EVER.  I mean, we are pretty much talking about a straight line from Jer Bear’s right arm to his left nipple.  Not much room for error, there . . .

more nip

As for the theory that JerBear’s hunter tattoo is not a map at all, but a “spell to awaken Silas,” that theory ends up pretty much being a dead end too.  So, in other words, the Scooby Gang just had thousands of vampires, so that Jeremy could look sexier with his shirt off . . .

jeremy arm

Makes perfect sense to me!

This is My Confession . . .

Damon Salvatore .  . . He’s an enigma, wrapped in pain, wrapped in love, leather, and a nice behind .  . .

nice behind 1

damon eternal stud

He was a self-proclaimed monster, with a deep dark secret, one he couldn’t bare to share with anyone, who would live to tell it to anyone else.  Damon Salvatore was a vampire, who missed his humanity . . .

And yet, unlike a certain other Salvatore, he was never ashamed of who he was.  And when the woman he loved also turned into a vampire . . . well . . . it didn’t change how he felt about her, in the least . . .

So, he taught her to love herself, which, in turn, helped her to realize that she loved him . . .

Why am I recapping all of this for you?  Well, basically, because I found Damon’s admission this week, that, not only did HE not want the cure,  but he didn’t want Elena to take it either, a bit confusing.

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dont understand

Now, don’t get me wrong, I particularly enjoyed Ian Somerhalder’s acting this week.  There was a certain wistfulness about him, that we haven’t seen in some time.  I loved the resigned sadness on his face, as Elena fervently reassured him of her continued love for him, human or vampire.

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It was quite obvious that Damon’s history wasn’t letting him believe her.  Yet, he really WANTED to believe her.  And, above all, he wanted her to be happy.  So, he pretended to be happy too, even though, inside, he was miserable.

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That made sense to me.  What didn’t make sense was Damon’s sudden shunning of Elena . . . his assertion that he wouldn’t want to be with her, while she got old and died, and he stayed the same age . . . even though, for three seasons, the love unrequited Elder Salvatore seemed like he would have given the world for that opportunity.

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Was Damon lying to himself?  Was he subconsciously trying to make himself believe that he could no longer love a human Elena, so that it would hurt less, if she stopped loving him?

damon crying color

Then again, maybe, the writers are just doing a little ret-con to make the inevitable plot twist of DAMON dying and coming back as a human, while Elena stays a vampire, more epic.

And, while we’re on the subject, shouldn’t this so-called sire bond, have immediately caused Elena to shun the cure, once she realized that her taking it would displease Damon?

thinking damon bitemesomerhalder

Whatever the reason, I cheered when Damon tried to beat the sh*t out of Professor Dumpy Dork.  (A least someone has finally wised up to the idea that this guy is up to no good.)  And I was kind of bummed, when Elena stopped him.

soap dish smash

Speaking of the Shanester . . .

Fake Aztec Moonstone Curse 2: Electric Boogaloo

I don’t know about you guys, but for me, there was something about Shane’s flashback stories that struck me as a little bit . . . what’s the word I’m looking for here . . . oh yeah, FULL OF CRAP!  Let’s review, shall we?

(1) This week we learn that Bonnie’s witch ancestor buried Silas alive, to punish him for planning to use HER cure for immortality spell on ONE other woman.  And yet, the Scooby Gang somehow believes there’s enough of this cure for all the vampires in the world?

Damon eye roll

(2) Professor Shady Douche claims he got this entire idea for the Journey to Rescue Silas from a  . . . hallucination he had of his Crazy Dead Witch Wife?  And no finds that the least bit disturbing / odd?

now im crazy gg plotholes

(3) The “Good” Professor boldly admits that route to the cure involves THREE massacres, not the two he’s already brought about.  And NONE of these people, who have just been brought to a deserted island . . . where no one can hear you scream . . . is the least bit worried, that they’ve been brought here not because they have some big rock in their pants, or a gnarly tattoo, or a nice ass, or a nosebleed problem . . . but because they are PIGS FOR SLAUGHTER?

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And, finally (4) any plan that involves Poor Man’s Benjamin Linus protecting the increasingly volatile Bonnie Smoke Monster from erupting hot lava all over Canada, just seems doomed to fail from the get-go.

what have i done

But hey, what do I know?  I’m just the lowly recapper, right?

nodding oh yeah


Two Vamps and a Stefan . . .

Damon’s Lady Troubles render him unusually incapable of snark this week.  Fortunately, Rebekah hops right in to the role of comic relief, lobbing zingers, left and right, mostly at her favorite target  . . . Elena.  From her wry determination that Elena was the only one who brought nothing to the table, when it came to the Scooby Gang’s quest for the cure (though, it could be argued that, since carrying a headstone requires only one vampire, not two, Rebekah, herself was equally useless) . . .

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 . . . to her later insistence that she saved Elena from the flying spear of an angry native, because she wanted the perky brunette’s death to be EPIC, Rebekah had me chuckling multiple times throughout the episode.

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Oh, and let’s not forget her wise recognition of Damon’s ASS-ets . . .

damon approves

I also related very much to Rebekah’s obvious fear, as the group sat at the Blair Witch Campfire that night, of things going bump in the night.  Many would argue that an All-Powerful Original Vampire shouldn’t fear lesser supernatural creatures, like ghosts and dumb natives.

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But I’m personally terrified of spiders and cockroaches, so I certainly can’t fault her for that . . .

Plus, it gave her a nice excuse to cozy up close to Stefan, a union I fully support.

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In addition to being funny, Rebekah also appears to be the Voice of Reason in this episode, when she reminds the rest of the Scooby Gang, that they are all just as evil murderous monsters as she is . . . killing anyone and everything that gets in the path of the people she loves.  So, why don’t they all just cut the crap, and work together?

trust me yes

And work together is precisely what Stefan, Rebekah, and Elena ultimately decide to do . . . after Damon, JerBear and Bonnie disappear, and Wanna Be Ben Linus makes off with their precious headstone . . .

Gravestone Eyes

“Smell ya later, losers!”

Elena even offers Rebekah back her “Originals Take a Nap” Dagger, as a sort of peace offering.

happy elena

I mean, it’s not like they have any other options. We interrupt the I Guess NOT Everybody Loves Elena After All Show, to bring you . . .

Klaus in a Box

Back in Mystic Falls, our loveable Box inhabitant gets his very first visitor, Tyler.  (Welcome back, Tyler!)  At first, they just growl and snarl at one another a bit, and exchange “I killed yo mama / yo brudda jokes.”

tyler points

Tyler smugly notes that, once his Scooby pals get The Cure, they will use it to “humanize” Klaus, and break the sire line.  This way, they can kill him, without subsequently murdering everyone in the cast.  Look at you, Tyler. . . a few months as a hybrid, and already you are an Expert in Vampire Mythology And Other Things Completely Unknown to the Rest of the World.

2 3 tyler scratch

(Except, a certain in-the-works spinoff tells us all, this isn’t actually going to happen.  So, thanks for playing, Tyler.  Better luck next time.)

Then, Caroline pops over to do a little happy house cleaning.  I liked very much how her version of disposing of Kol’s dead corpse was putting a blanket over it.  That’s how I handle most of the stains in my house, so I can relate.

3 3 caroline petrovadiaries

When Klaus tries to appeal to Caroline’s good will for a Get Out of Box Free Card, she scoffs at the idea, insisting that Klaus “is not worth the calories she burns” yelling at him.

calories

Huh?  Since when does Vampire Barbie not like to burn calories?  Don’t all girls like to burn calories?  Are vampires even capable of burning calories, considering they are . . . you know . . . dead . . . and stuff?

So, many questions.   Unfortunately, we won’t have time to answer any of them, because, the minute Caroline finishes speaking Klaus stakes Caroline, and bites her neck, rendering her unconscious, and, prospectively doomed to death by werewolf venom poison.

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It looks like someone should have created a smaller Klaus Box . . . BONNIE!

bonnie kol

So, now Caroline is dying . . . again . . . and it’s shades of the last time Caroline was dying from a werewolf bite.  Except, this time, instead of sort of / kind of compelling Tyler to do it, this time Klaus “bites” the bullet, no pun intended, and does the dirty work himself . . .

bloody mouth

“Now, that was well worth the calories,” Klaus jokes.

(Stupid boys and their fast metabolisms.  They think it’s just soooooo easy to burn off a late night bite of Caroline . . .)

Tyler is horrified . . .  Caroline is on the Gilbert fainting couch, looking really pretty for a near-death girl.  Tyler begins to bargain out of desperation, “If you save her, I’ll be your b*tch again,” he pleads hopefully.

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“Been there, sired that,” Klaus replies . . . more or less.

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So, Tyler carries Caroline home to die in peace . . . annnnd then he brings her back.

carrying car

(Now, that’s what I call a good workout!)

too hot tyler

Tyler leaves Caroline to die in front of Klaus, which had to be a tough thing for him to do, on multiple levels.  For one thing, there is no guarantee (at least in Tyler’s mind) that Klaus will save her.  So, there’s a very good chance, he will return to the Gilbert’s house to find her dead.  For another,  Tyler is basically leaving the woman he loves in the arms of another man, hoping that THAT man’s love will be enough to allow her to continue living.  AWKWARD!

scared tyler

From a character development perspective, I kind of wish the producers lingered on Tyler’s face for just a few brief moments, after he “dropped Caroline off.”  I think it would have added an extra layer of poignancy to the scene.  But unfortunately for Tyler, this storyline ended up not really being about him at all . . .

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Like with Damon’s scenes this week, Klaus’ and Caroline’s “moment” was more notable for the brilliant acting displayed during it, than for the writing that made up the scene itself.  I’ve never really considered myself much of a Klaus fangirl (waves at blogger pal, Amy / Imaginary Men).  However, there’s just something about his Angry!Cry that just melts my heart to mush, every time I see it . . .

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And Angry!Cry was in full force as the dying Caroline dangled the carrot of The Redemptive Power of Love in front of his face.  “I’ve caught myself wishing I could forget all the horrible things you’ve done,” Caroline says, in one labored breathe.  “Anyone capable of love, is capable of being saved,” she says in another.

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Girlfriend is like a Life-sized Dying Hallmark Card . . .

But it worked . . . on Klaus, anyway . . . who Angry!Cried his bloody wrist to Caroline’s lips, just moments before she took her last breath . . .

saving

3 11 klaroline savior

Deja-vu?

Back at Lost and Found Island . . .

Jer Bear gets kidnapped by (I think) the axe murdering Johnny Depp, who tried to kill him, earlier in the episode . . .

captured jer

“You’re not really Johnny Depp!  Liar!”

Bonnie Smoke Monster makes some . . . wait for it . . . Black Smoke.

black smoke bonnie

Damon wanders off to sulk, and gets temporarily killed by a (hot?) vampire hunter, as punishment for being overly broody . . .

got to be kidding

Professor Evil drags new hostage Jer Bear and Bonnie off into the sunset to find Silas.

gangs all here

But at least he’s taken that ridiculous flashlight hat off his head . .

stupid flashlight

He looks like the forgotten cast member of The Village People.

Ruh-roh . . .

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Next week, on The Vampire Diaries, meet Hot Vaughn: Vampire Hunter Extraordinaire.  Here’s hoping he lets us see HIS Hunter Tattoo, before the hour is up . . .

Tune in next time to find out who!  Until then, Fangbangers!

waves

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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Whose Team are YOU on? – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Catch Me If You Can”

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In a world where TV Viewers are defined, not only by the shows that they watch, but by the couples they ship while they are watching them, “Amazing Race”-type plotlines, like the one found in this week’s TVD episode, are not only encouraged, they are inevitable!  Just like with Real People, competition brings about both the best and the worst attributes of our characters.  It highlights their strengths, exposes their weaknesses, and awakens their basest instincts.

freaking hungry

Who will win the Race for the Vampire Cure?  Who will defeat their adversaries in a Battle to the Death?  And who will end up sucking . . . blood?   Only time will tell, Fangbangers.  Time . . . and this recap, of course!

[Special thanks to Andre, whose snark and awesome screencaps know no bounds!]

Team Hunky Arms and Human Teddy Bear

When we last left the World’s Cutest Ambiguously Gay Duo, Mattykins and Jer Bear, they were in a bar, surrounded by freshly turned newbie vamps.

at the bar

Silly Matt!  Don’t you realize that wearing a varsity jacket to a bar not only tells everyone you are underage, it also tells them you are “not yet legal?”

Jer Bear, aside from occasionally erupting into a murderous rage against his own sister, is still, for all intents and purposes, a “Good Guy.”  So, of course, he balks at the idea of killing “innocents.”

jeremy arms

This makes Klaus mad!

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And when Klaus gets mad, everyone suffers . . . especially Mattykins, who the newbie vamps have just been compelled to believe is a tender juicy steak with eyes, ripe for the chewing.

matt meat

meat with eyes

Run Matt, Run!  The Sexy Cabin is waiting!

run matt run

The “Run Through The Forest” sequence at the beginning of this episode has a fun sort of video game quality to it, in which each of our resident “heroes” takes turns rescuing Damsel in Distress Mattykins from a nameless, faceless, Vampire Zombie Type.

sad matt

“I feel so used!”

First Jeremy does his “Cross-Bow” thing.  Then, Damon does his “Heart Tugging” thing . . .

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open heart surgery

Then, Elena pops up out of literally nowhere, and does . . . well, whatever it is she does . . .

leave him alone

hiyah

“Gee thanks, ex-girlfriend!  As if the past five minutes haven’t emasculated me enough!”

The video game ends and the sex games begin with Mattykins, Elena and JerBear returning safely to Sexy Cabin.  There, the only monsters they will have to battle are the ones they invite inside . . . provided they don’t screw up, and spring for pizza again . . .

pizza girl one

Team Hunky Arms and Sexy Eyes

jer damon

“Our plans are lame, but our hotness makes up for it.”

Back inside Sexy Cabin, Jeremy has regrettably come to the conclusion that, cuddly though he may be, Human Teddy Bear Mattykins is more of a liability than an asset in the Race for the Cure.  It’s time to trade him in for an “Older, More Vintage” model . . .

wet damon 2

damon soulful crying

Elena is not entirely cool with this . . . until Damon tells her that she is cool with it.  Then, she decides it’s a Great Idea!

happy elena

So, Damon and Elena have sex!

sexy delena 2

delena sex real

(Actually, they don’t.  But I was annoyed by the lack of Delena in this episode, particularly after their triumphant “I Love You” exchange, last week.  And I decided to use a little poetic license.  So, sue me!)

Team Lonely Hearts

rebekah reading

“Dear Diary . . . blah, blah, blah Elena . . . blah, blah, blah Feelings .  . . blah, blah, blah SO SAAAAAAAAAD . . . blah, blah, blah I’M FREAKING HUNGRY!”

Sprawled out on her ex-boyfriend’s bed, and waiting for him to emerge from the shower in all his shirtless, muscle-y, glory, Rebekah probably wishes she was reading Fifty Shades of Grey or Gone Girl, or any other book about dysfunctional relationships that isn’t Stefan’s Mopey Diary.  Yet, she gallantly endures the tedium of Stefan’s writing.  Because, when it comes to the Race for the Cure, knowing thy teammate is almost as important as knowing thyself.  And besides . . .

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 . . . when he’s not perpetually Boo-Hooing over Elena, This Guy is actually kind of HOT!  Who knew?

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Yes, I do, Stefan.  You look goooood.

Without a vampire hunter or a witch on their side, Rebekah and Stefan decide that their key to winning the Race for the Cure is finding Silas’ headstone.  You know, because hunks of cement beat live human beings any day, and twice on Sundays.

Gravestone Eyes

“Go Team Stebekah!”

From the get-go, there’s a lot of sexual tension between these two.  They are both really close talkers, and enjoy invading each other’s personal space.

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I just haven’t decided yet if that’s because these two have good chemistry with one another, or if they are both just REALLY, REALLY HORNY!

rebekah heart

“I didn’t mean to do it!  I swear, I thought it was his weiner!”

Team Bloody Nose and Brillo Pad Hair

sleepy bonnie

Oh crap!  Are these two staring at candles again?

candle stare

“It’s just so . . . beautiful!  I think I’m going to write an emo song about it.”

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Fortunately, Lizard Forbes is on the case.  She uses her badge to combat the boredom of Bonnie and Professor Flower Child.

lizard

“Scenery chewing is a federal offense.  You’re under arrest, douchebag!”

fanboy 2

“Cool!  I’m getting arrested.  This is totally going to up my street cred!”

Honestly, I’m so thankful to Lizard Forbes for saving this scene that it almost makes me forget about that time she tried to have her own daughter killed, just because she turned into a vampire . . .

you suck laurrrrde

Bonnie, of course, wants to know why the Lizard has so rudely interrupted her intense game of Candle Staring.  To this inquiry, Lizard replies, “Ask your father.”

In the wise words of Yoda, “Thickening . . . the plot is . . .”

bonnie's dad

“Honestly, I just really hate candles.”

All Hail, Kol Mikaelson!

all hail kol

good to see mate

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I hate to say it, but I think, right now, Kol is the only one on this show with any good sense.  I mean, come on . . . “raising the dead,” “curing immortality,” “more powerful than an Original Vampire?”  It’s SOOO obvious this Silas guy is being set up as the show’s Next Big Bad, just in time for Klaus to get his spinoff.  So why does the entire Scooby Gang seem intent on giving this guy a wakeup call?

surrounded by idiots

(Also, I’m pretty sure Professor Shane is actually a disembodied Silas, whose working to get back into his own body, to re-activate his dormant powers.  But that’s neither here nor there . . .)

Anywhoo, Team Hunky Arms and Sexy Eyes head back to the bar to pick up chicks continue their “hunting expedition.”

enter the bar

Hunting Rule 101: When trying to catch your prey by surprise, it’s probably a bad idea to stand under a BIG BRIGHT LAMP, while carrying a HUGE CROSSBOW.

So, this bar . . . it’s not exactly the kind of place you want to toss back a few beers, and sway drunkenly to “Sweet Child of Mine.”  For one thing, check out the floor . . .

bloody floor

“Something’s wrong,” remarks Damon, sagely.

Gee!  Ya think?

You know what I like to do, when I go to a bar, and the floor looks like that?

run

Yeah . . . I think that’s probably the normal response.  Certainly not, “Let’s go hang out in the freezer,” which is exactly what Jeremy and Damon ended up doing . . .

dead baby vamps

This is what happens to people who hang out  in the freezers of bars with bloody floors . . .

want a drink

“Chill out, guys!  Get it . . . chill?  Because we’re in a freezer.  Whatever!  Socrates and Jesus both thought that joke was hilarious!  You millennials have no sense of humor!”

In the freezer, Damon and Jer Bear find That Other Lost Original Who Isn’t Elijah . . .

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hide from elijah

At first, Kol actually behaves pretty peaceably.  He calmly explains to the duo a simple formula that even they can understand.  And here it is . . .

                     awakening Silas = bringing about the Apocalypse

bringing about the Apocalypse = BAD

DON’T WAKE SILAS!

thinking damon bitemesomerhalder

Damon and Jer Bear ponder this for a moment, and decide,  “Nah, Apocalypse, Shmockalypse.  We should wake Silas anyway . . . after all, it’s FOR ELENA!”

happy elena

So, Kol is forced to take matters into his own hands . . .

strangle head

“Is it Friday yet?”

Bonnie Bennett is THE CLOSER

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Wanna get a man to confess to the mass murder of twelve townspeople?  Put him in the room with a Really Pissed Off Witch!  Bonnie went all Dark Willow on Professor Shane’s ass in the Mystic Falls interrogation room, this week.

dark willow

And it actually gave me a great idea for a TV show.  Think about it.  What are the two most popular kinds of television dramas out there today?  Police procedurals and Supernatural shows.  So, why not combine those two for a show about a witch who uses dark magic to force confessions out of serial killers?  Not bad, right?

damon approves

Except, was I the only one who was a bit disappointed that Bonnie’s first Descent into Evil featured her doing nothing more than setting a small trash can fire, and giving Professor Shane would looked like a Really Bad Case of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome?

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Seriously?  Dark Willow would have blasted Professor Dimbulb’s ass to the next century for saying all the crap he was saying about Bonnie’s Grams!

VDGranny

The Bennett witch just gave him a glorified paper cut . . .

my hand

“Dammit Bonnie!  Now I’ll never be a hand model!”

eye roll

And yet, I think this scene was important because it foreshadowed two future plotlines: (1) Bonnie’s inevitable descent into Dark Willow 2: The Straight-to-Video Version “Bad Witch” territory; and (2) her developing her own motives for getting the cure, based upon a desire to bring her grandmother back from the dead.

Team Klaus and Elena?

klaus elena

While Caroline was out “shopping,” or whatever the f&*k she was doing throughout this episode . . .

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I never said she was, Tyler.  Thou doth protest too much?

 . . . Matt had the unlucky job of being the Obligatory Delena Doubter of the Hour.  There he was, in Elena’s ear, telling our heroine that her boyfriend is BAAAAAAD news . . .

damon and matt

“Payback’s a b*tch.”

We interrupt this “scintillating conversation” for an Important Phone Call . . .

vampire emergency

It’s Jeremy!  Kol has KIDNAPPED DAMON!

surprised-face

Desperate times call for desperate measures.  And Elena actually ends up going to Klaus for help, which is weird on so many levels . . .

santa klaus

“Hey Elena!  Come sit on Santa Klaus’ lap, and tell him how much you want the Vampire Cure for Christmas.”

Interestingly enough, Klaus and Elena are actually on the same side, in this instance.  Though they each have their own reasons, these two BOTH want the cure, and they BOTH want to keep Jeremy Gilbert alive and safe . . . at least for the time being.  So, Klaus agrees to call in a “brotherly favor” on Elena’s behalf . . .

kol on the phone

“Sup, bro?”

klaus on the phone

“Oh, the usual . . . just torturing and manipulating people for my own personal gain.”

stabbing self

me too

“No sh*t!  Me too!”

It’s a real testament to Klaus’ stupidity arrogance that he seems to truly believe that he can get Kol to STOP trying to murder Jeremy, just because he asked nicely.

draco malfoy facepalm

Kol gives Klaus his “word” that he won’t touch Jeremy Gilbert.  And he does keep his promise . . . by compelling Damon to kill Jeremy for him . . .

BabyScared

Team ?

stebek

More Whisper Talking and Eye F*&ks for these two, as they scope out Professor Nerdy Pants’ office for Silas’ headstone.

crazy sex good

Rebekah and Stefan then enter into that age old question that teen dramas cope with, time and time again.  Is no frills sex possible, on a consistent basis?  One night stands are one thing.  But can you repeatedly bone the same individual, without “catching the dreaded feelings” for that person?

stefan shrug

Stefan and Rebekah seem primed to test that theory, right there on Professor Needle Weiner’s desk. But then, Some Random Guy comes and grabs Silas’ headstone, which, conveniently, is precisely what Team Lonely Hearts had broken in to find!

random strangled

The question is, who sent this guy, and what team is HE ON?  Unfortunately, Some Random Guy would rather chew off his own tongue, and kill himself than let you find out . . .

stabbing self 2

This is usually how I feel on Sunday nights . . .

Team Zombie Damon?

zombie damon

“Must . . . Kill . . . Jer Bear . . .”

care_bear

“But he’s SO CUTE . . . and has really nice arm muscles.”

zombie damon 2

“Must . . . kill .  . . him . . . anyway.”

I always find the concept of vampire compulsion fascinating.  You see, unlike humans, vampires KNOW they are being compelled.  So, there’s this interesting dichotomy between what they WANT to be doing, and what they are ACTUALLY doing.  The moment Damon hunts down Jeremy at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, he realizes that Kol has compelled him to murder Jeremy.  And yet a part of him WANTS to obey, while the other part is WARNING Jeremy to run away from him, and / or shoot him in the heart.  Damon’s babbling on about this like a Crazy Person, as he chases the vampire hunter through that old underground railroad place where Tyler used to do his “Werewolf Transformation Thing.”

big bad vampire out here

It’s a TOTAL Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde conundrum!

Jeremy ends up shooting Damon in the BRAIN, instead of the heart, which only places a temporary bandaid on the problem.  (I guess he’s not really a zombie, after all!)

borderline braindead

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Then, Elena pops up to tell Damon he should fight the compulsion to kill Jeremy because he loooooves Elena so much.  “It worked for Stefan,” she helpfully implies . . .

Damon eye roll

Here’s some helpful advice for you, Elena.  Please don’t be one of those girls who always talks about your Old Boyfriend with your New One.  Guys hate that!  How would YOU feel, if Damon started comparing sex with you to the sex he’s had with the 20,000 other women he’s laid before you?

2 21 the cry hungoverdelena

Exactly!

Also, let’s not compare apples to oranges here.  Stefan was able to fight the compulsion to EAT ELENA.  That’s very different from fighting a compulsion to EAT ELENA’S BROTHER.  Stefan loved Elena.  Damon loves Elena.  Damon . . . likes Jeremy very much.  Hence, these are two totally different situations.  Comprende?

nodding oh yeah

Speaking of Stefan, Elena ends up calling him for help.  And though he first balks at the idea, Baby Salvatore conveniently arrives in the “forest” just in time to stop the bullet Jeremy shoots toward Damon’s heart AND break his brother’s neck, thereby putting him out of commission long enough for Elena and Jer Bear to make a quick escape.

youre welcome

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Since Damon will remain compelled to kill Jeremy, until Kol is either daggered or permanently killed, Stefan ends up draining Damon of blood and locking him in that convenient cage in La Casa de Rich and Awesome, where Stefan and Damon always lock each other when one or the other of them is “being bad.”

2 22 prison warden stefan

“Your turn!”

This seems to happen at least once or twice per season . . .

Team Stelena Team Stefan and PRIDE

what i look like when

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Elena heads over to La Casa de Rich and Awesome to check on Damon.  Needless to say, Stefan is not happy to see her.  And her repeated requests are met with stone cold denial . ..

whatever you want

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There still remains the risk that Elena might free Damon, as a result of the sire bond.  And Damon will inadvertently kill Jeremy.  So, in a sense, Stefan is protecting Elena and Damon from themselves.  But that doesn’t mean he’s happy about it.

And Elena, well . . . sometimes, she just doesn’t know when to SHUT UP . . .

2 16 damon says stop talking

She has to go nag Stefan about palling around with his ex, Rebekah, when, really, she should be thrilled that he’s FINALLY moving on, like she already has.  She lectures Stefan about his bad attitude . . .

isnt you

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And yeah, we can all see where she’s coming from.  Stefan has been acting like a bit of a douche this week . . Why does that make him more attractive to me?  Clearly, I have issues.

douchebag jar misomeru

But for Elena to say that Stefan’s behavior is “out of character” for him, is kind of out of line.  After all, the guy is what, 160 some odd years old?  And Elena has known him for . . . maybe two of those years?  Elena never really knew Stefan as the Ripper, or the depressive, who spent years underground trying to kick his human blood drinking habit cold turkey.  And most of all, Elena never knew Stefan as a humanin love with a girl named Katherine Petrova.

kefan dance

So, who is to say what’s “normal” and what isn’t for Stefan?  He was in his right, telling her that this is how he looks when he isn’t in love with her . . . even if his words are OBVIOUS lies . . .

2 16 lie

This is the “Everybody Loves Elena” show, after all . . .

But Stefan and Damon aren’t the only characters who are having a bad day.  Rebekah has a confrontation with Kol, during which she almost daggers him, and HE almost STAKES HER . . . permanently.  Ouch!

hot kol 2

Though Klaus comes to his siblings rescue, his presence isn’t exactly comforting to Rebekah, especially, when that presence advocates the murder of her own brother . . .

dagger sib

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Honestly, with all the stress they’ve been under, can you blame Stefan and Rebekah for wanting to end their day with a little No Frills Sex?

no feelings no attachments

stebekah 1

stebekah

not but fun

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Now, maybe it’s just me.  But, somehow, I don’t see the “Girl Who Loved Too Easily” . . .

laugh at

 . . . and Broody McCryFace . . .

stefan crying gif

 . . . being successful in this whole “Friends with Benefits” undertaking.

Of course, I could be wrong . . .

In Other News . . .

Klaus has just threatened to take Jeremy on one of his “Let’s Murder, Roadtrips.”

gilbert clan

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And we all know how those tend to work out . . .

2 22 bloody stefan

So, Elena has another idea.  “Let’s KILL KOL!”  She tells Jeremy excitedly.

You know, because directly murdering twelve innocent baby vamps is WRONG.  But indirectly murdering 5,000 of them is TOTALLY cool!

happy elena

Yeah . . . remember back when Elena thought that Kol might be the Daddy of the Sire Line that made Damon and Stefan; and she wanted to protect his life at all costs?  That’s OK, neither does she!

Next week, on TVD . . .

See you then, Fangbangers!

waves

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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