An Ode to The O.C.’s Seth Cohen (Because he’s the Snowflake AND the Latke!)

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True story!  Once upon a time, there lived a TV Recapper who only liked Bad Boys . . .

(Ummm  . . .  OK . . . so maybe it wasn’t THAT long ago.) 

But then, one day, seemingly out of nowhere, there emerged a little show called The O.C. . . .

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And from The O.C., a boy named Seth Cohen was born.  And he was GOOOOD!

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On the surface, Seth Cohen is not the type of guy a TV fangirl, like me, normally “goes for.”  In fact, when I watched the pilot episode for The O.C., I was very ANTI- Seth Cohen!  He just seemed so “sweet” and protagonist-y. 

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This wasn’t a guy who was going to be broody or uncommunicative, like my previous TV boyfriends.  He wasn’t going to kick people’s asses for the fun of it . . . or do morally ambigious (read: “sexy”) things on a weekly basis . . .  or walk around shirtless, constantly, just because he could.  In short, I didn’t think Seth Cohen and I were going to get along, AT ALL .  . .

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But then, something strange happened.  As I continued to watch The O.C., gradually, Seth Cohen began to win me over with his refreshingly uncool ways . . .

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He wasn’t like the shallow, superficial high school characters you typically saw on teen dramas, who only seemed interested in who they were dating at the moment, and whether they’d win prom king and queen.  Seth was smart and sarcastic, but not in a pompous or self-righteous sort of way.  His unique brand of humor was goofy, charming, and self-deprecating. 

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He was also unapologetically “meta.”  This was a Guy On a TV Show who ABSOLUTELY KNEW he was a Guy On a TV Show.  And he was loving every minute of it . . .

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Given all that, it should be no surprise to you that Seth Cohen ended up being somewhat of a STUD on The O.C.  And though he did have his pick of the ladies, throughout the seasons, there was only ONE woman who truly had his heart . . .

That’s right, boys and girls!  Seth Cohen was a firm believer in the ever-evaporating concept of Monogamy.  (Granted, he did date two girls simultaneously for a good portion of the first season.  But we are going to let that one slide, for the moment .  . .)  Seth Cohen gave the entire Nerd Population hope, when he managed to overcome his social awkwardness, unpopularity, and love of comic books, to win the heart of pretty, popular alpha female, Summer Roberts. 

Seth and Summer.  Summer and Seth.  It just doesn’t get much more adorable than these two brunette cuties . . .

For all the aforementioned reasons (and some others I will share with you in just a bit), on this Memorial Day 2011, I would like to create an Unofficial Memorial to my favorite TV GOOD BOY Boyfriend.  This memorial will feature video clips, screencaps, GIFS, and . . . well . . . not much else, because I’m feeling particularly lazy today.   (I’m hungover!  SUE ME! 🙂 )

What follows are TEN REASONS (in no particular order) why Good Boy Seth Cohen has what it takes to go head-to-head with even the darkest of Bad Boys in the battle for your heart . . .

(1) He is “stealth.”

(2) He’s kind to ALL animals (even the plastic ones).

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(3) He’s “nice” (even when he tries not to be).

(4) He’s not afraid to be a fool for love.

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(5) He’s “handy.”

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(6) He’s “refreshingly flawed.”

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(7) He’s “upper-middle class.”

(8) He is well-rounded.

(9) He has a DEEP appreciation of the “arts.”

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And finally  . . . (drumroll please)  . . .

(10) He will (quite literally) sweep you off your feet.

There you have it: a video and pictoral representation of 10 reasons why Seth Cohen fully deserves TV Boyfriend status, despite being an unrelentingly GOOD BOY.  So, thank you, Seth Cohen, for showing us TV watchers that sometimes the LIGHT can be just as sexy as the DARKNESS.  That being said . . . TAKE YOUR DAMN SHIRT OFF, ALREADY!

THANK YOU!

(For more shots of Shirtless Seth Cohen, feel free to head HERE!)

See ya in The O.C., Seth.  And in the words of Phantom Planet, “California, HERE WE COME!”

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

The Cold Can Be VERY HOT! – Cozy up with 7 Heart-warming Wintery TV Moments

What is it about those cold wintery months that puts all of us in the mood for romance? 

Well . . . most of us, anyway!

Are we simply looking for a warm body to hold close, when the temperature drops to the single digits? 

Do we just not want to be alone for the holidays? 

Perhaps, the desire to couple in winter is innate and primal, something akin to hibernation or mating rituals. 

Or, maybe there’s something more to it than that . . .

In light of the fact that I am VERY COLD RIGHT NOW . . .  and, also in light of the fact, that there is currently TWO FEET OF SNOW outside my window, I thought it might be nice to write a post based on the “softer” (and sexier) side of wintery weather . . .

So, get into something “more comfortable” . . .

 . . . and grab those warm winter blankets . . .

Because we are about to get started . . .

Winter Helps us to Remember the Good Times . . .

For most of us, most of the year is a blur.  We rush around, day-in-and-day-out, maneuvering through work, or school, and our mundane daily tasks.  We rarely have the time to stop and take a breath, or think about the things and people that really matter to us. 

But around winter time, things slow down.  Suddenly, we have all this spare time to think about ourselves and others.  We have time to make major decisions about what we want out of life.  We have time to . . . FINALLY GET LAID!

In this first clip from Dawson’s Creek, it takes a wintery class ski trip and a conveniently “hidden” wallet condom, to help Joey realize that Pacey’s “TOTALLY-Puts-Every-Boy-On-The-Planet-To-Shame” Boyfriending Skills are MORE than worth the cost of her much-coveted V-card!

Winter Forces Us to Remember the Bad Times . . .

While for many, winter is time of comfort and joy, for others, it’s a time for sadness and severe depression.  Because all that time spent alone thinking, can be MIGHTY LONELY.  It can also dredge up some painful memories.  But just when you feel like all hope is lost, that’s when you come to realize that you aren’t so alone after all.  Because the thing you thought you were missing, might just have been by your side all along . . .

In this second clip, from Gossip Girl, Serena’s snowstorm car crash, dredges up some painful memories for Chuck Bass, regarding his father’s untimely death . . .

Winter Makes Things That Would Normally Be Really Annoying, Seem “Festive and Poignant”

You wouldn’t know it from this extremely sappy post, but I’m actually a rather jaded person, when it comes to love and romance.  Things that make most women go, “Awwwww” tend to make me roll my eyes, and throw up in my mouth a little bit.  And yet, this time of year that all changes. 

For a few months, I’m all about those cheesy ABC Family Christmas Specials, mistletoe, heart-shaped boxes, sappy love songs . . . and watching When Harry Met Sally when it airs on TBS for the 85,000th friggin time.

“I’ll have what she’s having.”

I suspect I am not alone in this. 

By way of example, I give you yet another clip from Gossip Girl — this one from a couple that usually makes me a little nauseous.  And yet, whenever I watch this winter-themed scene of them in action, I can’t help but soften toward the pair a bit, if only for a few moments.  Of course, I’m talking about Dan and Serena, and the latter’s “very special” Christmas gift to the former, during the holiday episode of the show’s first season.  (And no, I’m not talking about Serena’s body, as that is a gift that’s been given on the show MANY, MANY, MANY times over, to many people!)

Serena is kind of  like Santa.  She visits ALL THE LITTLE BOYS, during the holidays.  (And she’s very TIRED!)

Winter Gives You an Excuse to Make Out with People You’ve Secretly Always Wanted to Make Out With, But Haven’t Yet Had the Guts to Do So . . .

Blame it on the mistletoe!  Blame it on too much champagne!  Blame it on wanting to make that other guy (or girl) jealous!  Blame it on a joke . . . or dare!  Tell him (or her) it was just a “friendly holiday” kiss! 

The winter months are jam-packed with parties . . . and, perhaps more importantly, BOOZE.  This means they are also jam-packed with solid excuses to lay a wet one on the person you’ve been ogling in silence for all those months.  The good news, is that, for a limited time only, you can do so, without fear of suffering embarrassment or rejection.  And, hey, if the person you’re smooching doesn’t respond in kind, you can always tell him that Santa made you do it!  Because NO ONE messes with SANTA on Christmas!

In this next clip from Bones, Temperance Brennan uses the OLDEST holiday trick in the book — strategically-placed mistletoe — to engage in a rousing round of tonsil hockey, with her sexy as hell co-worker, Seeley Booth.  You GO GIRL!

Winter is a Time for Bold Romantic Gestures . . .

Helpful tools like mistletoe, a bottle of champagne, or a “spin the bottle,” are fine for those simple sneak-attack kisses.  But when you REALLY want to start something special with the object of your desires, it’s best to go au natural.  Now, is not the time to be tentative. 

Be BOLD!  Be ROMANTIC!  After all, you’ve got the cold winter weather, and the holidays on your side.  And there’s no better aphrodisiac on the planet than those two things, as far as I’m concerned . . .

In this Season 1 clip from Grey’s Anatomy, Alex lays a most awesome Ambush Kiss on Izzie, just when she has completely written him off as a romantic partner, following a VERY LOUSY first date the two recently shared.

Winter is The Time to Tell that Special Someone How You Feel About Them

This one is kind of self-explanatory.  And if I give you any more intel, I’ll likely ruin the impact of the next clip, if I haven’t done so already.  Suffice it to say, this one features Rory and Jess from The Gilmore Girls . . .

But When You Think About It, Winter is Really Just a State of Mind . . .

Now, where I come from, I get more winter cold than I could POSSIBLY EVER WANT!  But that might not be the case for you.  Perhaps, you live in a tropical climate, where it’s NEVER cold, and NEVER snows.  (Just so you know, I HATE YOU . . . Just kidding 🙂 . . . But not really.) 

Well, just because you don’t have excuse to wear big puffy jackets, or drink hot cocoa by the gallon, or cuddle up under down comforters, doesn’t mean you can’t make the romantic spirit of winter work for YOU too!  With just a little improvisation on your part, you can be feeling the Sexy Winter Fever, in no time! 

Just ask Seth Cohen from The O.C.  He lives in Orange County, California. where it NEVER SNOWS!  And yet, season after season, Seth made the winter months special with his trademark Christmukkah cheer, and a seemingly endless supply of ugly Christmas Sweaters (most of which, he probably sweat through, within minutes of putting them on.  Because, let’s face it, it gets pretty friggin hot on the West Coast!) . . .

In this clip, Seth and his perky girlfriend Summer embody the Romantic Spirit of Winter, by simply putting on those hideous brown caps my mother lovingly refers to as “Schmucks with Earflaps.”

So, there you have it.  Seven doses of wintery TV romance from one Freezing Blogger.  Now it’s your turn.  What’s YOUR favorite Hot Winter TV Moment? 

[www.juliekushner.com]

Let your fangs be your guide! – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Brave New World”

There’s a crazed newbie vampire and two VERY testosterone-y werewolves on the loose in Mystic Falls.  But worry not!  The Salvatore Brothers have it all under control . . . sort of.

Last week, our heroes, Damon and Stefan, had their hands full with Vampire Katherine and her crazy, sexy, evil doppelganger ways . . .

This week, Katherine seems to have taken a little siesta from Mystic Falls.  But that didn’t make life any easier on our Bro Vamps, who still managed to spend most of the episode tending to supernatural creatures, and cleaning up their magical messes . . .

“Who you calling a MESS, b*tch?”

So, without further adieu, let us head off to the Mystic Falls Carnival, and pay a very special visit to its fabulous House of Freaks!

 Hospital Food BITES

After suffering the massive inconvenience of having the life smothered out of her by an antiseptic-smelling hospital pillow . . .

 . . . Caroline “wakes up” in the middle of the night, mildly disoriented and MAJORLY hungry.  Unfortunately,  B*tchy Night Nurse, won’t let her eat until morning.  So, Caroline does what any girl would do in a such a situation.  She improvises.

“Mmmmm, is it just me or have these juice boxes gotten bigger, since I was a kid?”

The next morning, Caroline’s boyfriend, Matt, comes to visit . . .

. . . and Caroline gives him a shoulder so icy cold, it can only be offered by the undead.  She refuses to kiss him, flinches at his touch, won’t eat the food he brings her, and cowers against a wall, when he tries to open the blinds.  Like all boys forced to deal with moody mates, Matt undoubtedly wonders whether Caroline is “On the Rag.”  Little does Mystic Falls’ resident nice guy know that his girlfriend has a WHOLE DIFFERENT “Blood Problem” on her hands (and in her mouth .  . .).

In addition to coping with her brand new kind of “thirst,” and the fact that her face now occasionally sprouts dark lines and wrinkles that even Botox won’t be able to cure, Caroline is also stressed out about not being able to run the Mystic Falls Carnival.  The Carnival was something Caroline had organized every year, since she was a freshman.  And now, with her “out of commission,” Elena and Bonnie are forced to take her place.

While the girls are unpacking boxes, and stacking Team Jacob t-shirts . . .

Every screaming thirteen-year old girl should have one . . .

. . . they can’t help but make a few jokes at Type A blood drinking Caroline’s expense.  “If we mess this up, she will KILL US,” quips Bonnie.  “I don’t know how she does this every year!”

“Simple.  She’s not human,” replies Elena.

Little do they know how VERY RIGHT they both are .  . .

Fortunately, for Caroline, she may have found away to attend the Carnival after all.  Even though Blondie is not due for hospital release until the next day, she somehow “convinces” (read: threatens then compels) B*tchy Night Nurse to discharge her early.  Never one to be discourteous, Caroline thanks the Nurse for her help by NEARLY CHEWING HER NECK OFF!

It was kind of a sloppy move on the new Baby Vamp’s part.  After all, massive neck wounds?  Those are the kind of thing people tend to notice.  Fortunately, the intrepid Caroline has a cover story up her sleeve.  “My boyfriend likes to get kinky,” says a newly Zombie-fied B*tchy Night Nurse, after taking in enough mind compulsion to scramble her brain for weeks. 

(Now, that’s fine for a good hospital tale, but how is B*tchy Night Nurse going to explain all those massive hickeys to her ACTUAL boyfriend?)

Dating discepancies aside, Caroline admires her mind control handiwork.  “I don’t know what THAT is, but it’s SPECTACULAR,” she concludes, as she struts out of the hospital, looking absolutely TO DIE FOR!

You can hardly even tell she’s been dead for 24-hours!

Bark at the Moonstone

Wolves will be wolves  . . .

Considering the fact that TVD fans have known that Tyler Lockwood is a werewolf since the end of Season 1, the writers are REALLY dragging out this “major reveal” a bit long, aren’t they?  Week after week, I just keep waiting for the kid to finally figure out what EVERYBODY ELSE ON THE PLANET already knows.  But, alas, Doofus Tyler keeps missing the boat, on this one . . .

“I may be dumb.   But, hey, at least I look pretty when I’m topless!”

 After a random excuse to show off Michael Trevino’s hot bod, clad in nothing but a towel brief jog around the neighborhood . . .

Well HELLO, Tyler’s crotch and abdominals!  It’s so nice to finally meet you!

 . . . Tyler continues to “bond” with Mr. Wolf in Black Sheep’s Clothing, Mason.

And YOU are wearing a shirt . . . because?

And by “bond” I mean that Mason peppers Tyler with so many questions about his “rage issues” that for a moment I thought I had accidentally switched channels, and was watching a rerun of the Dr. Phil Show . . .

My final diagnosis is . . . you’re CRAZY, Wolfboy!

“I’m an angry guy,” explains Tyler matter-of-factly.  (Now THAT’S the understatement of the year!)

From this exchange, we also learn that Tyler “loses himself,” when he gets angry, and sometimes even suffers from “Rage Blackouts” a la Summer Roberts from The O.C.

When he’s not interrogating Tyler, arm wrestling, or defending his brother’s honor (more on all that later), Mason seems to spend most of his time at Mystic Falls searching for something called a Moonstone.

Riiiiiiight, because that’s EXACTLY what this show needs, MORE ugly jewelry that possesses magical powers . . .

Detective Damon and his Trusty Sidekick, Stefan

“Cheers, to me already getting, in just two episodes, more sexy facial closeup-shots, than I did during the ENTIRE last season!”

But Mason isn’t the only one investigating Tyler during this episode.  Damon seems to have his eye on the Baby Werewolf too.  (Or, maybe he’s just trying in vain to keep his mind off of a certain someone . . .)

Whatever the reason, Tyler’s “Secret” is occupying most of Damon’s thoughts.  Big Brother Salvatore, is pensively pouring himself a goblet of blood, when Stefan arrives home from a morning of “Hunting Wascally Wabbits” with his good pal, Elmer Fudd.

“So, that thing you told me about your brother eating humans . . . you were just kidding about that, right?”

When Stefan turns down Damon’s offer of a blood glass, Big Bro can’t help put take a pot shot at his brother’s Drink of Choice.  “Aren’t you worried that, one day, all the forest animals are going to band together and fight back.  I mean, surely, they talk,” quips Damon.

Be afraid, Stefan.  Be VERY AFRAID!

Damon, who has recently been crowned new head of the Anti-Vampire Council by Ms. Lockwood, herself (How’s THAT for irony?), peppers Stefan with questions about the Lockwoods.  Specifically, he wants to know why they were affected by that Supernatural Clock Thingy during the Season 1 Finale, even though they are not vampires.  Unfortunately for Damon, Stefan sees Damon’s new hobby of “playing detective” for exactly what it is, a way for a guy who’s recently been dumped (TWICE) to pass the time.

“Come on, Damon!  We all know you’re suffering from Man Pain.  Wouldn’t it be easier to just massage your Willy, and call it a night?”

“Well, DUH!  But I’d much prefer massaging YOURS . . .”

Ever the jealous ex, Damon just can’t resist asking Stefan if Elena talks about him.  (How adorable is he?)  And, based on Elena’s exchanges with Stefan during this episode, we know that she DOES talk about him.  However, most of those exchanges involve her repeatedly saying, “I want to be normal and do human stuff, like kiss at the top of the Ferris Wheel.  And I DEFINITELY don’t want to talk about the D- word.”

“D?  As in DELICIOUS?  DEBONAIR?  DECADENT? DRUG-LIKE?  DESTINED TO BE YOUR MAN?”

While over at the Lockwood’s house for an Anti-Vampire Pow Wow,  Damon overhears Tyler talking to Mason about his “rage blackouts,” and comes up with a plan to expose the pair’s supernatural nature.  At the carnival, Damon commandeers Super Human Strength Stefan to challenge Mason to an arm wrestle.

Stefan loses badly.  It’s kind of an embarrassment really.  (I mean, have you SEEN those arms?)  The loss forces Stefan to agree with Damon that Mason is not human.  Stefan’s diagnosis?

Mason and Tyler are Ninja Turtles!  (You know what, I kind of wish he was right.   Because that would be AWESOME!)

Damon rolls his eyes at the joke, echoing the thoughts of some TVD fans, who believe that Stefan “has no comedic timing whatsover.”  I, however, beg to differ.  I thought that Ninja Turtle line was pretty darn hilarious, and his dry emotionless delivery made it even more so.  And I NEVER disagree with Damon.  So, you know I must really mean it.

All this arm wrestling and talk of rage blackouts inspires Damon to come up with a plan, as to how to break Hero Mason Lockwood, out of his “half-shell.”  (TURTLE POWER!)  And so he finds Poor Random Guy, Connor (who is about to have the WORST NIGHT EVER, by the way) and compels him to pick a fight with Tyler, and never back down, no matter what is done to him in retaliation.

The idea is to get Tyler to rage at Connor, and for Mason to go all “Supernatural” on Connor’s ass in Tyler’s defense.  The plan, of course, works flawlessly.  And we watch with amusement, along with Damon and Stefan, as Poor Connor picks a losing fight with Tyler.  Tyler predictably rages.  Then, Mason gets all yellow-eyed . . .

 . . .  and starts “jumping over cars” to break up the wrestling match.  But the fact that DAMON AND STEFAN still can’t figure out what kind of creatures these guys are, EVEN after witnessing THAT, bugs me to NO END!  In fact, I think I may have just had a Rage Blackout, just thinking about it . . .

I’m Burning Up For Your Love

A Newly Undead Caroline arrives at the school, and runs into Damon who has been lurking the hallways.  Caroline confronts Damon about all that mind controlling and physical abuse he heaped on her during Season 1.  Damon, of course, denies it.   But Caroline is insistent. 

NEW VAMPIRE RULE:  Apparently, if you were compelled a vampire, while you were alive, you can remember it, once you are undead.  (This is probably also how Stefan figured out that his love for Katherine was largely the result of compulsion.)

“I have a message from Katherine,” Caroline whispers in Damon’s ear.  (You know, I forgot how hot and hilarious these two were together, during Season 1)  “GAME ON!”

Caroline then throws Damon across the room.  “You suck,” she says wistfully, before stalking outside.

Once at the Carnival, Caroline runs into her loyal, but clueless boyfriend, Matt.

“I’m all better now,” the Undead Girl insists when asked how she was so quickly discharged.

The two quickly head off to the Ring Toss.

Still unused to her superhuman strength,  Caroline’s ring flick ends up shattering about five or six bottles within range.  “They must have already been broken,” Caroline mumbles cleverly.

The “neat trick” totally turns Matt on, and he pulls Caroline in for a kiss.  However, once the Little Vampire gets to close to his human flesh, she becomes incredibly hungry.  Not wanting to hurt Matt, she pushes him away violently.  “Leave me ALONE!”  She screeches, before running away.

An ashamed and humiliated Caroline is crying in the corner, when who should spot her, but a Lip-Bloodied Connor.  “Is everything OK?”  The Nice Guy / Poor Sap asks.  “I am so sorry,” cries Caroline, before doing this . . .

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would hereby like to award Poor Connor this week’s Senseless Death Award!

Meanwhile, Damon pulls aside Elena . . .

It’s amazing how fast Elena seems to have forgiven Damon for the whole “attempted killing of her brother” thing.  Not that I’m complaining . . .

. . . to warn her about Caroline’s newfound vampishness.  Stefan is called in for support, and our three main characters engage in their obligatory Pow Wow of Sexiness and Plot Explanation for the week.  Gently reminding everybody about how lousy the whole Vicki Vamp Conversion went . . .

. . . and what a “manipulative nasty little slut” Katherine is for doing this to all of them . . .

“That’s ME!”

. . . Damon suggests that they have no choice but to stake Caroline, and put her out of her undead misery.

“Absolutely NOT!”  Elena insists.

Stefan agrees with Elena, but does so half-heartedly,  so that everyone in the room knows that, deep down, he thinks that Damon is right  — Caroline won’t be able to survive as a vamp.   And the longer she lives, the more all of their  lives will be in danger.  When Elena confronts Stefan about his true feelings he PUNCHES A WALL.  (SO HOT!)

“Oooh, baby!  Do it again!”

Damon finds a tearful Caroline outside, crying over a lifeless Poor Connor.  He moves in to “console her,” cupping her chin with his hand, and gently brushing her bloody hair out of her face.  “Don’t cry.  I can help you,” coos Damon with enough faux sensitivity that I almost believe him, myself.

“How?”  Caroline sniffles.

“I’m going to kill you,” replies Damon, matter-of-factly.

Caroline starts bawling now, begging for her not-life.  “Please don’t, I’m not ready to die.”

“But you’re already dead,” explains Damon.

Eventually, Damon convinces Caroline that he’s NOT going to kill her.   He pulls her into a hug, and, then, TRIES TO KILL HER with a sharpened stake!

But then Stefan comes and SAVES THE DAY, knocking the stake right out of Damon’s hand.

(I’ve gotta say!  I’m not ready to see Vampire Caroline go.  Human Caroline was really boring (except, of course, when she was Damon’s Play Toy).  But THIS Caroline?  She. Is. AWESOME!  Way to go, Candice Accola for making me warm up to your character in a big way!)

Then Damon picks up the stake AGAIN, and lunges for Caroline a SECOND TIME . . .

 . . . this time Elena blocks his path. Damon’s stake is now just inches away from the heart of the woman he loves.  “She’s my friend,” whispers Elena.

The two lock eyes, and say nothing for a few moments, the expressions on their faces revealing everything.  It is UNBELIEVABLY HOT!

Damon eventually drops the stake.  “Whatever happens, it’s on you,” Damon warns Elena — the vampire, himself, knowing a thing or two about residual guilt.

In the midst of all this, Bonnie arrives, touches Bloody Caroline and instantly learns that she’s a vampire.  Being a Vampire Hater, and a total bitch Bonnie turns away from her former BFF in disgust.  This causes Caroline to start bawling.  When Elena goes to her, Caroline pushes ELENA away, thinking that Elena was the one who turned her into a vampire.  Elena explains that the vampire who did that to her was Katherine.  But Caroline has had too much excitement for one day, and runs to the bathroom to pee.

Stefan rushes off to the bathroom (the Women’s Restroom?  FOR SHAME, STEFAN!) to comfort Caroline.  He carefully wipes the blood off her face, like a loving father.  Stefan then patiently teaches Caroline how to control her blood lust.  I guess Stefan is like the Mister Miyagi of Vampires . . .

. . . or a Vampire Jiminy Cricket.

He promises not to let anything happen to Caroline.  He  says he will do everything in his power to protect her.  It’s really sweet, actually.

Outside a bawling Bonnie, uses her magic Migraine-Giving powers to initiate a gas leak . . .

 . . . which causes a fire, and results in Damon looking like this . . .

But, despite what he did to her brother, Elena finds enough forgiveness in her heart to come to Damon’s rescue . . .

“This is not US!  This can’t be us!”  Elena tearfully screams at Bonnie, breaking the latter out of her witches’ spell trance.

All That Mushy Stuff

In the post-carnival portion of the episode, we get to see everyone, more or less, kiss and makeup.   Well, Tyler doesn’t really kiss or makeup with anyone.  But  . . .

he does finally find that Moonstone, and the information regarding his ancestry, under a floorboard in his father’s office. 

Matt . . .

. . . sneaks into Caroline’s bedroom and expresses his love for her.  She returns the favor by kissing him, without literally chewing off his face.  Thank you, Stefan-y Cricket!

Damon . . .

 . . . bonds with Jeremy . . .

 . . . over them both having parents that hated vampires, and Jeremy’s inability to whittle a proper stake with which to kill Damon.  Good times!

And finally, Stefan makes good on his promise to have a “normal moment” with Elena, by flying her *rolls eyes* up to the top of the ferris wheel and kissing her there, a la Ryan and Marissa from The O.C.

“We have to take this moment,” comands Stefan.  “I came back to this town to start a life with you.  We can’t forget to live it.”

(Awwwww!) 

And yet, just to keep things from getting too sappy, Kevin Williamson makes sure to end this romantic scene on a slightly dark note.  “It’s not going to get any easier, is it?”  Elena inquires.

“No, it’s not,” replies Stefan, before the screen eerily fades to black.

So, that was Episode 2.  What did you think?  Did you love Vampire Caroline as much as I did, or did you miss Vampire Katherine?   Were you insanely happy (like ME) or slightly disappointed that Elena has started talking to Damon, so soon after she claimed to HATE him?  And finally, were you as underwhelmed by the werewolf storyline as I was, or did Michael Trevino’s shirtlessness make it all OK?

That’s all I’ve got!  See you next week, fellow Fangbangers!

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OMFG? Not so much . . . – The Top Ten “Been There, Seen That” Teen Television Cliches (Part 2 of 2)

A couple of days ago, I came up with a list of the top ten plotline cliches featured in teen-oriented television dramas.  In the first installment of this blog entry, I posted the first five of these cliches.  That list included: (1) the Pregnancy Plotline; (2) the Death of a Peripheral Character Plotline; (3) the Student / Teacher Relationship Plotline; (4) the Cheating on a Test  / Plagiarism Plotline; and, finally, (5) the “Bad Influence” Plotline.

This installment will focus on the following popular Teen Television Cliches: (1) the Love Triangle; (2) the Summer in Europe; (3) the Love / Hate Relationship; (4) the School Ski Trip; and, of course (5) the Prom.  So, without further adieu, what do you say we take off our creative thinking caps, embrace conformity, and get started?

1) “Can’t we all just . . . have a threesome, instead?” – The Love Triangle Plotline

The Storyline:  Girl meets boy.  Boy is attractive. 

Boy is also nice and sweet, albeit a tad boring (and, sometimes, a bit of a whiny b*tch). 

Or, conversely, Boy is total douche; 

but Girl’s parents love him;

He looks “good on paper.”

and Boy is sure to make Girl a very wealthy, but very bored, housewife, some time in the not-so-distant future, if she plays her cards right.

But then . . . Other Boy magically appears.

Unlike the original Boy, Other Boy is a little dangerous . . .

Maybe he’s from the wrong side of the proverbial “tracks” . . .

Or, perhaps he has a reputation for being a bit of male slut . . .

 . . . or a criminal.

 Or maybe he has a bit of a mean streak, so Girl isn’t sure she can really trust him.

But there is just something about the way Other Boy makes Girl feel . . .

She smiles and laughs more when she’s around him. 

(Click the internal link to watch.)

He makes her more fun!

And Other Boy continues to believe in Girl, and support her, long after everyone else has seemingly abandoned her (including the original Boy).

So, what’s a Girl to do, when she wants them both?

Who does she choose?  Well, that depends on the season . . . the Television Season, that is . . .

Examples: Joey, Pacey, and Dawson (Dawson’s Creek); Veronica, Logan, and Duncan (Veronica Mars); Marissa, Ryan, and Luke (The O.C.); Elena, Damon, and Stefan (The Vampire Diaries); Rory, Jesse, and Dean (Gilmore Girls); Blair, Chuck, and Nate (Gossip Girl); Peyton, Lucas, and Nate (One Tree Hill); Emma, Sean, and Peter (Degrassi: The Next Generation); Felicity, Ben, and Noel (Felicity); Casey, Cappie, and Evan (Greek); Lyla, Tim, and Jason (Friday Night Lights)

Why it’s a cliche?  Three words (One of them is a contraction).  Because . . . It’s . . . AWESOME!

When it comes to successful teen drama plotlines, The Love Triangle, is a surefire WIN!  After all, what girl wouldn’t want to have two totally hot guys, who are complete opposites of one another fighting over her!  Aside from allowing female fans to vicariously fulfill their deepest fantasies, Love Triangles provide the added benefit of making Teen Television watching a TEAM SPORT!  Boys have football and basketball.  Girls have  THIS . . .

Yes, boys and girls, choosing sides in a Love Triangle War is SERIOUS business!  (Girls have been shot over WAY less!)  Don’t believe me?  Check out the sheer intensity of THESE fan-fueled debates  . . .

About Blair, Chuck and Nate. 

About Elena, Damon, and Stefan

About Felicity, Ben, and Noel . . .

(The above video debate between these two twenty-somethings kind of goes off the rails, after the first five minutes.  But I love their obvious enthusiasm for a show that’s been off the air now for nearly a decade!  I also love their accents . . . and the very impressive “Portrait of Ben” one of them created.  Scott Speedman, himself, would be proud!)

2) “Go to Europe . . . because no one could possibly ‘find themselves’ in the States!”  – The Summer in Europe Plotline

“When in France, do as the French do . . . French kiss!”

(Here we go again!  Internal link clicking time!)

The Storyline: It’s close to the end of the Season.  Our female protagonist’s life is a mess!  It’s just jam packed with unresolved love triangles, family issues, and massive blowout fights with former friends.  And what better way is there to deal with all of your problems, than to run away from them?  So, our female protagonist jaunts off to Europe (usually Paris), leaving pining boys and cliffhangers in her wake . . .

 Once there, our female protagonist sees the sights . . .

and miraculously FINDS HERSELF!  When she comes back, she’s a COMPLETELY different person, than when she left.  Who knows?  She might even have a new completely random, doesn’t belong on the show at all boyfriend!

Examples: Serena and Blair (Gossip Girl); Joey Potter (Dawson’s Creek); Brenda and Donna (90210); Holly (What I Like About You)

Why it’s a Cliche?  The main character’s temporary departure from his or her home base is a great way to bring about a Teen Television Drama’s summer hiatus.  If us fans are forced to spend an ENTIRE summer away from our beloved gang of characters, at least we can sleep better knowing that they aren’t hanging out with one another EITHER!  Plus, filming a scene or two “across the pond” makes for a great excuse for the show’s writers to say to their producer, “I’d like an all expense paid European vacation, please.  What!  It’s for THE SHOW!”

A summer in another country is also a pretty good excuse to suddenly change the entire personality and demeanor of a character, without any rational explanation whatsoever .  . .

“I got my new girlfriend and a frontal lobe lobotomy in Prague.  Doesn’t everybody?

3) “He Loves Me  . . . He Hates My Guts . . . He Loves Me . . .” – The Love/ Hate Relationship Plotline

The Storyline: He’s a playboy, and a real ladies man.  But he comes across as mean, and kind of shallow.  She’s a Type A personality, who comes across as cold and a bit uptight. 

They butt heads from the moment they first appear on screen together.  They fight, and call eachother names.  They insult one another, and play nasty tricks on eachother. 

But there is a passion boiling beneath the surface, that both he and she are trying desperately to deny. 

At the time, he and she are both involved with other people.  Their significant others notice the sexual tension laced beneath their supposed hatred, and try in vain to ignore it.  But the tension only grows.  Jealous and longing looks become prevalent.  Lingering touches, and moments of out-of-character “niceness,” between the two make each member of the pair begin to question their feelings. 

The guy in this scenario typically recognizes his feelings for her first. 

(You know the drill . . .)

But he usually keeps this to himself, out of fear of being ridiculed by the new object of his desires.  Then the two are placed in a dramatic situation.  Suddenly their mutual passion for one another overtakes them.  And they both give in to their desires.

Examples: Joey and Pacey (Dawson’s Creek); Buffy and Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer); Veronica and Logan (Veronica Mars); Seth and Summer (The O.C. – sort of . . . well . . . she hated him); Elena and Damon (The Vampire Diaries); Blair and Chuck (Gossip Girl)

Why it’s a Cliche?  You know how everyone always talks about how hot Makeup Sex is?  A couple fights, and then they make up.  All that angst and sexual energy, built up from all that red-faced arguing, is just kindling for the inevitable Orgasmic Fire of “Getting Back Together.”  And THAT’S from a fight that might last a day!  You can just imagine how hot Makeup Sex would be if the couple fought nonstop for TWO SEASONS!

4) “When the temperatures get COLD, the action gets HOT!” – The Ski Trip Plotline

The Storyline:  I’m going to be honest, this one was less of a “storyline” and more of a “plot convention.”  (Hey!  YOU try to come up with ten of these things . . . It’s not as easy as it looks.)  But did you ever notice how virtually EVERY teen drama features at least one ski trip?  BIG THINGS always happen on ski trips too!  People get drunk, get laid, get raped, or cheat on their significant other!   And someone ALWAYS hurts their foot, and conveniently can’t ski!

Examples:

Dawson’s Creek:

Jenn hurts her foot, gets wasted, and almost screws Gay Jack. 

Pacey and Joey do it for the first time!

Boy Meets World:

Cory hurts his foot too!  And makes out with Linda Cardellini!

Other fabulous shows featuring wild and crazy teen ski trips include Degrassi: Next Generation (Darcy gets date raped), and What I Like About You (Holly comes to terms with her feelings for Vince).

Precisely NONE of these characters were ever shown ACTUALLY skiing . . .

Why it’s a Cliche?  There’s just something about being away from home and your parents . . . about sleeping in a log cabin, right next to the fire.  You relax.  You let your guard down.  You get a little slutty and make bad choices.  (Except in the case of Pacey and Joey . . . that choice was GOOD!)  Plus, it’s WAY cheaper to film on location in some fake ski lodge than say . . . taking your entire cast and crew to Europe.

5) “Question:  What happened at Prom?  Answer: EVERYTHING!” – The Prom Plotline

The Storyline: It’s the event of the WHOLE season!  The entire cast will be in attendance!  But not everybody is going with the person they WANT to be going with. 

 A couple will break up.  A couple will get back together. 

Someone will win prom queen. 

 

Someone’s heart will be broken. 

A couple will finally do it. 

Another couple will ALMOST do it, but decide to wait . . . Oh, and someone will get wasted and make an ass of herself.

Examples: Dawson’s Creek, The O.C., 90210, Veronica Mars, Gossip Girl

Why it’s a Cliche?  For every high school girl, the Prom is the culminating social event of her entire pre-college academic career.  Even the most jaded of high school students (and I, myself, was already pretty jaded by that time) can’t help but dream of having the perfect dress, the perfect limo, the perfect Prom date, and the perfect slow dance.  For most of us, with all that build up and preparation, Prom itself ends up being pretty anti-climactic.  (The Post Prom Beach Trip, on the other hand . . . now, THAT ROCKED!).  But if we CAN’T have the perfect Prom, at least we can get the joy of seeing our television friends experience it for us.

So, there you have it – Ten Trashtastic Teen Television Cliches for your viewing pleasure!  Doesn’t it all make you feel OLD?

 

Hot Summer Nights – The TV Sex-y Awards!

Well, summer’s definitely here, folks!  It’s almost 90 degrees outside, where I’m from.  And I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty hot and bothered.   So I figured, what better way to beat the heat OUTSIDE, than to steam things up INSIDE, where at least an air conditioner, and a few systematically placed ice cubes, can cool you off?

A few days ago, my blogging buddy, Amy, over at Imaginary Men, hosted something she lovingly referred to as the TV Boyfriend Olympics.  During said “Olympics,” Amy and a “distinguished panel of judges” voted on the best television scenes, featuring the TV stars we LOVED to watch get together and almost get together.  The sheer awesomeness of her post, and the undeniable guilty pleasure I had “judging” the scenes, gave me an idea . . .

So, this morning, while many of you were probably out on the beach, working on your tans, I was INSIDE, culling through hours of hot television sex scenes, in search of the most notable ones. (Or rather, the most notable that DIDN’T require me to register with YouTube as someone who likes “dirty” videos.  I’m pretty sure YouTube sends THAT registry list to the government  . . .)  It was a tough job, but someone had to do it . . .

So, without further adieu, here are my picks for the first annual TV Sex-y Awards.

The “Most Bizarre Place to Get Lucky” Award goes to . . . (drumroll please)

KATE AND SAWYER on LOST for “Bear Cage Sex.”

Don’t you hate it when you are trapped on on an island you THINK is deserted, but it actually ends up being filled with a weird group of Others who throw you in a cage, and force you to eat nothing but massive looking dog food crackers shaped like fish?  Kate and Sawyer actually don’t seem to hate it all that much . . . In a few moments, you will understand why.

Honestly?  I don’t understand how these two DIDN’T end up together, at the end of the series.  Can you imagine JACK SHEPARD doing it in cage?  He’d probably be too concerned with how many bacterial infections you could get from those steel bars, to really get in the mood.

“When is the last time you think they windexed those?  That dude with the beard just didn’t look very clean.  Maybe they’d be willing to give us some paper towels to put down first . . .”

The “Best Use of Camera Effects to Simulate Sex, Without Upsetting the Censors” Award goes to . . .

CHUCK and BLAIR on GOSSIP GIRL for “Limo Sex”

I remember literally drooling the first time I watched this scene, which took place during Season 1 of Gossip Girl.  In it, Chuck takes a highly vulnerable Blair to a Gentleman’s Club he wishes to purchase.  Once there, the typically buttoned-up and straight-laced, Blair surprises him, by getting up on stage and performing a tasteful, but highly provocative, strip tease.  During the limo ride home, the pair do it for the first time. 

Upon watching the scene again, I was surprised by how little the producers actually showed, sex-wise.  In fact,  when compared to many of the others scenes shown here, this one was surprisingly tame.  And yet, something about the scene made it seem deliciously X-rated.  I’m thinking it was the jump cuts and old-school video effects that caused us fans to imagine a raunchiness that wasn’t necessarily there.  Watch and you’ll see what I mean . . .

The “Best First Time” Award goes to . . .

PACEY and JOEYon DAWSON’S CREEK for “High School Ski Trip Sex”

I’m pretty sure the scene I’m about to show you RUINED virginity loss for young women everywhere.  Most first sexual encounters are awkward, painful and uncomfortable.  Joey’s and Pacey’s was PURE PERFECTION. 

After watching an entire season of longing looks and “Will they?  Won’t they?”  Followed by ANOTHER season of coupledom that was frequently marred by petty fights and the annoying romantic advances of boring hangers on (cough, cough Dawson cough), it was REALLY nice to see Joey and Pacey finally able to get some unadulterated loving.  And as for Joey’s pre-sex speech?  Well, foreplay just doesn’t get much better than that!

The “Most Realistic First Time” Award goes to . . .

SETH and SUMMER on THE O.C. for “Not-So-Hot at Having Sex”

He was desperately in love with her since the sixth grade.  She . . . thought he was a major loser . . . But then, he seemingly moved on.  And the thought of Seth dating another girl stirred up feelings in Summer that she didn’t know she had.  Remember how I said earlier that most “first times” are awkward, painful, and uncomfortable?  So was their’s . . .

The “Most Uncomfortable to Watch Sex Scene” Award goes to . . .

MEREDITH and GEORGE on GREY’S ANATOMY in “There’s No Crying in Sex!”

Speaking of awkward . . . how would you like it if you finally got the chance to do it with the girl or guy of your dreams?   But then, the mere thought of consummating a relationship with you made the object of your desire burst into tears .  . . and not tears of joy, either . . .

Note:  Asking someone if they are “almost done,” during sexual activity?  NOT A TURN ON!

The “Dirtiest (and not in a good way) Sex” Award goes to . . .

VAMPIRE BILL and SOOKIE on TRUE BLOOD in “Doing It with the Dead Sex”

Remember how I told you Dr. Jack Shepard from Lost would be too finicky to engage in Bear Cage Sex with Kate?  Well, you could just imagine how he’d feel, when faced with the prospect of banging a naked corpse in a cemetery, especially when said corpse had just spent the last several hours buried in the dirt.  In this next scene, Sookie, believing her beloved Vampire Bill to have died permanently in a fire, heads to his gravesite to pay her last respects.  It is there that she has a rather “unexpected” encounter . . .

The “Undead Dudes Make the Best Lovers”  Award goes to . . .

ELENA and STEFAN on THE VAMPIRE DIARIES in “I Love You, Even if You Are Old and Fangy, Sex”

My squeamish thoughts regarding the last video might give you the mistaken impression that I think sex with vampires is gross and wrong.  TOTALLY UNTRUE!  Sex with vampires can be unbelievably hot, particularly when the vampire in question has Hypnotic Arms of Steel, like Stefan Salvatore.  Watch and be entranced . . .

(This one is un-embedded, unfortunately.  Just click the internal link to see it.)

The “So Hot, We Wish it Wasn’t Incest” Award goes to . . .

BOONE and SHANNON on LOST in “Step-Sibling Sex”

You know who else plays a vampire on The Vampire Diaries?  THIS GUY . . .

Unfortunately, the sex scenes he’s been in on that show, so far, have almost universally involved, compulsion, violence, and girls that were NOT Elena.  But to hold a a TV Sex-y Award “show” and NOT include the Sex Master himself, Ian Somerhalder, would be pure sacrilege.  So, I figured, the least I could do was show a scene where he got it on with his sister.  Just TRY not to be aroused by this one . . . I DARE YOU!

The “Sex Scene That Made Me Hungry” Award goes to . . .

SERENA and NATE on GOSSIP GIRL in “Do You Really Expect Me To Put That in My Mouth? Sex”

“I can’t believe I ate the WHOLE thing!”

You see, to me, food and sex DON’T mix.  In fact, food is what you abstain from a few hours BEFORE sex, to avoid unfortunate incidents and “Pudgy Tummy.”  But, then again, I’m not Serena and Nate.  Is it wrong that, when I was watching this scene, I was paying more attention to the waffles and strawberries the couple was eating, than I was to the couple themselves?  Because, let me tell you, those were some JUICY strawberries . . .

(Yet another poopy non-embedder.  Click that link!  You won’t regret it!)

And, finally, The “Best Post-Coital Conversation” Award goes to . . .

LOGAN and VERONICA on VERONICA MARS in “We Just Did It.  Now Let’s Chat About Hookers Sex”

It’s fitting that the last award of the day would go to an “After Sex” scene.  And if any couple deserves a moment to lie together peacefully and spoon, its Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls.  Fans of Veronica Mars know that this couple’s “epic” relationship was most certainly never dull.  When these two weren’t bashing in the headlights on one another’s cars, getting eachother suspended for drug use on school grounds, protecting eachother from mobsters, rapists and serial killers, breaking eachother out of jail, and testifying in court against people who killed their friends, Veronica and Logan were just an ordinary couple looking for some “alone time.” 

Unfortunately, the show was only three seasons long.   And Veronica and Logan were “coupled” for less than half of it.  This didn’t leave much time for these two to do those “normal things” that most couples do.  That’s what makes the quiet and contemplative moment that the pair shares in this scene so special . . .

Well, there you have it folks.  This year’s First Annual TV Sex-y Awards has officially came and went.  I think I’m going to take a cold shower now . . .

 

 

Nothing Says Loving Like a Good Script . . . Seven Television Couples that Made Me Mushy

A week or so ago, I revisited the romantic history of what was, perhaps, my favorite television couple of all time, namely Dawson’s Creek’s Pacey Witter and Joey Potter.  Well, suffice it to say, I really enjoyed writing about it . . . perhaps a bit too much, actually.

So, seeing as this is the month of LUUUVE, and seeing as I have no real relationship to speak of, I have decided to dedicate my weekend blog entries, during the month of Februrary at least, to the payment of tribute to some of my other favorite fictional couples.   To whet your appetite, here are some of the fabulous twosomes that will be gracing the pages of TV Recappers Anonymous during the next few weeks:

And the nominees are . . .

1)  Logan Echolls and Veronica Mars  – Veronica Mars

2) Josh Lyman and Donna Moss – The West Wing

3) Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf – Gossip Girl

4)  Seth Cohen and Summer Roberts – The O.C.

5) Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly – The Office

6) Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey – Grey’s Anatomy

7) Ben Covington and Felicity Porter – Felicity

OK, so it’s not exactly a creative idea for a blog posting series.  I get that.  But, this is going to be fun for me.  And I need some fun in my life.  So, I’m going to do it, dammit!

That being said .  . . what do you think?  Did I get all your faves?  Who did I miss?  What television couples make you mushy, and why?