[Brief note: This post is simply a “review of” and “reaction to” “UnmAsked.” A full recap will follow . . . eventually. :)]
Strait jackets . . . all the cool psychopaths are wearing them . . .
Greetings, my Pretties! This week, PLL wrapped up its sophomore season with a season finale that was arguably as polarizing as “A” herself. Thousands of frustrated fans flooded the message boards, Twitter, and YouTube to express their discontent with the way the season concluded.
Meanwhile, others rushed to defend the controversial choices made by the writers and producers.
The source of this controversy, of course, was the identity of “A” . . . the technologically savvy, ridiculously snarky, and seemingly omniscient super villain, who had been torturing the titular Pretty Little Liars, since the pilot episode.
And while I suspect a large number of fans were surprised by the reveal, it wasn’t necessarily for the reasons the writers intended . . .
Truth be told, this was far from the first time a television series that had been based on a book series chose to remain faithful to some of those novels’ main plot points. Many television shows have successfully done this, without provoking the inevitable ire of the fandom. Back in 2008, True Blood was applauded for its faithfulness to the murder mystery storyline that comprised the first book of the Sookie Stackhouse book series (serial killer included).
A season later, they were applauded again for creatively diverting from those same books, in order to save the life of a beloved character, who notoriously met his demise on the first few pages of the series’ second novel.
More recently, in 2011, the producers of Game of Thrones received critical acclaim for their almost slavish loyalty to the book series on which it was based. Critics particularly appreciated the show’s courageous decapitation of the show’s main character, a moral and mostly likeable protagonist, who also happened to be played by a rather well-known and popular actor.
So what made PLL the high school outcast of this group?
The difference in this situation, I think, was that the producers, writers, and cast of PLL failed to properly manage expectations regarding what viewers could expect to see in the season’s final episode. In what was undoubtedly an attempt at last-minute damage control, Pretty Little Liars showrunner, Marlene King, assured fans that she had never explicitly told fans that the identity of “A” would be different from who it was in the books. And yet, when countless articles, and press releases, like THIS ONE, and THIS ONE posited this very theory as stemming directly from King, herself, she never exactly disabused fans of this notion, either.
So, when Mona van der Waal acted so RIDICULOUSLY guilty, throughout the show’s second season, that she all but wore a neon sign on her back that said, “I AM A,” recappers and reviewers, like myself, pointedly avoided listing her as our main suspect, simply because we took for granted the fact that the writers weren’t going to go there.
So, when they did, in fact, go there, we couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed and betrayed.
And that’s a shame, because it undermined the integrity of what was, by many other respects, a pretty solid finale episode.
Truth be told, of all the possible “A” suspects — with the exception of, perhaps, Not-so-Blind Jenna, and maybe Lucas — Mona had the best motive to be “A.” After all, she had been shamelessly tortured by Ali throughout most of high school, while the rest of the PLL girls stood idly by, and let it happen.
To make matters worse, Hanna, Mona’s self-proclaimed “one true friend,” has been noticeably distant from Mona, throughout the series, consistently ditching her to engage in “A-Sleuthing” with the rest of the liars . . . (of course, it could be argued that Hanna’s recent absence from her life was actually MONA’S fault).
And yet, I would have liked to see the producers push the boundaries a bit, by not necessarily going with the most obvious choice for “A.”
We’ve seen the writers take chances like this, earlier in the series, in a number of ways: by introducing new characters, who weren’t in the books, choosing not to kill characters who died in the books, and, in one particular instance, killing a character who DID survive the series. So, why not do it again, in this instance, by changing the identity of “A” to someone unexpected . . . someone who seemed a bit less . . . for lack of a better term . . . shady?
Or, conversely, I would have liked for the writers to simply be honest about the direction in which the story was headed, by saying something like this: “There are some aspects of the television series that pay homage to the books. But even faithful book readers will find some surprises in store for them in the season finale.”
This, at least, is a true, and non-misleading, statement. After all, the finale DID have some surprises contained within it, even for fans of the book series . . .
Unlike a lot of other series’ season finales, which tend to be slow-moving and uneventful, until the last ten minutes of the episode, “UnmAsked” definitely FELT like a season finale. The episode moved a long at a brisk pace, throughout the hour.
And the genuinely creepy locales where the drama unfolded . . . for example, the Psycho-inspired motel (complete with its very own Norman Bates, lookalike) and accompanying Shower Scene . . .
. . . the Masquerade Ball filled with strangers and unsavory looking characters . . .
. . . the abandoned road on a dark and stormy night, A’s “Lair” which looked like it would have been right at home in the first hour of any episode of Law and Order, SVU . . .
. . . only added to the building excitement, and unshakeable feeling of impending doom.
I was also really impressed with the acting in this episode. As the unhinged Mona, Janel Parrish was just the right mix of campy crazy, unintentionally hilarious, and genuinely terrifying.
Hanna’s shock and sadness at learning her so-called bestie was a total wackadoodle, who HIT HER WITH A CAR, felt real to me.
Shay Mitchell’s Emily literally had me in tears, during the episodes heartbreaking final moments . . . And this is coming from someone who was never a Maya fan.
(I also adored the parallel between the pilot episode’s Body Discovery, and this one. That background song they played during both, will haunt me for the rest of my days . . .)
And who could forget the unbeatable Team Sparia, who provided the episode’s only evidence of comic relief . . . not to mention a nice nod to a certain segment of the fandom?
. . . all had something to cheer about, when the aforementioned couples each received their respective Happily Ever Afters Nows, this week.
Of course, I still wanted my Wren to make an appearance . . . (Damn you, writers! DAMN YOU!)
And while the episode did answer some of the major questions plaguing fans throughout the series, it also presented us with plenty of new ones to get us excited for the upcoming third season (which is set to premiere this summer). Here are just some of the questions that were swimming around my head, after “UnmAsked” concluded:
(And why didn’t Spencer “join it,” when she was given the chance? I mean, wouldn’t that have been the perfect way to keep your ENEMIES CLOSER?)
(2) Which mysterious female dressed as The Black Swan at the Masquerade Ball?
(3) Who was Not-so-Blind Jenna talking to in the park, and what mysterious item did she give her (because it looked much too small to be the Black Swan costume)? And WHEN DID SHE GET HER DRIVER’S LICENSE?
(4) What the F is the deal between Abs Toby and Dr. Sullivan (a.k.a. as the lame shrink who got scared out of town by an eighty pound high schooler? Is he her son, or what? How much did they know about what was going on? And why was it necessary for Toby to “pretend he didn’t love Spencer?”
(5) Who exactly was the creepy chick with the red dess and gold mask at the Masquerade Ball?
And was she the same creepy chick who visited Mona in the loony bin, at the end of the episode?
(6) Does Mona’s have Supernatural Powers, which enabled her to BEAT UP Spencer and Emily, on separate occasions, and CARRY SPENCER INTO A CAR? (Oh and how lame was Dr. Sullivan’s explanation of her PSYCHOSIS? How exactly does being a psychopath, make you seem omniscient to OTHER PEOPLE? Where exactly did this b*tch go to shrink school anyway, Dunkin Donuts?)
(7) Did the flashback featuring Mona and “Ali” dressed as Vivian Darkbloom actually happen? Did “Ali” really not pick up the phone, when Mona called her, like Mona said? Or was being “A” the price Mona paid for her so-called popularity?
(8)Who killed Maya (assuming Maya is actually dead) and why?
(9) And, perhaps, most importantly, “WHERE’S MY WREN?”
So, tell me, my Pretties, what were your thoughts on the Season 2 finale? Were you disappointed that Mona was “A?” What are your expectations for next season, in light of some of the cliffhangers / new mysteries introduced here? Feel free to vent to your heart’s content, in the comment section below. I’ll see you there!
Thank you, PLL, for reawakening my childhood fear of being murdered in my sleep by my neighbor’s Ugly Doll Collection . . .
Greetings, my Pretties! This week’s installment of PLL was definitely not for the faint of heart. It featured ghosts . . . things that go bump in the night . . . ugly evil demon dolls . . . ugly evil demon kids . . . old ladies that talk like the witch from The Wizard of Oz . . . one VERY dead fly, the sister from hell, and worst of all, MONA KISSING CALEB!
But those of you who watched the episode hidden behind pillows, or with your hands covering your eyes, did so at your peril. After all, next week’s episode features A’s big reveal. And that means this one was chock full of clues as to his or her true identity. So, be brave, my Pretties. And follow me toward another Pretty Little Recap . . .
Oh, dear, sweet, sexy accented Dr. Wren! Not only are you insanely easy on the eyes, you also dole out the GOOD pain meds to your girlfriends . . . even though the only injury they’ve suffered recently is getting a few sprigs of glass in their palms.
“Your love is my drug, Doctor . . .”
We begin this episode with the usually-uber-alert Spencer, passed out and drooling, on the Hastings’ living room couch. Suddenly, there is a loud crash in the living room, followed by the sound of someone noisily thumbing through Spencer’s purse. As it turns out, that someone just so happens to be Dead Ali (who we would expect to be a lot more stealthy, given all we know about her).
Not to mention the fact that . . . oh, I don’t know . . . she’s DEAD!
This is actually the third time we’ve seen Ali appear to one of the girls, while they are in a “less than sober” state. The first time we experienced this was with Hanna, when she was in the hospital, after having been hit by A’s car.
The second time, it was Emily’s turn, when “A” locked her in a garage, and she asphixiated on the fumes. (Don’t be surprised if Aria ends up with a concussion, next week, after some rough sex with Fitzy goes south, so that she can see Ali too . . .)
What’s intriguing about all these Beyond the Grave exchanges is that, as the viewer, you are never 100% sure they are the hallucination they claim to be. After all, following these sequences, Ali always seems to leave the “sleeper” in question, with some sort of souvenir of her presence. And yet, since the Liar in question believes herself to be dreaming, she never gets the opportunity to ask “Ali” the questions she would likely ask her, had she encountered her in a more lucid state.
Take for example Spencer, our resident super sleuth. She is so frustratingly dense, during this exchange with Ali, I nearly threw my shoe at the television.
And because she failed to ask “Ali” a single pertinent question, throughout the entire exchange, it was up to Ali, herself, to offer the cryptic comments and clues we will inevitably be analyzing, this week. Proponents of the “Melissa is A” theory, will undoubtedly harp on Ali’s comment that Spencer “deserves a good sister,” thereby not-so-subtly implying that Melissa is NOT one. Well, I could have told you that . . .
Best . . . sister . . . EVER!
And yet, merely being a horrible person, with a terrible personality, and few redeeming qualities, doesn’t necessarily make you a murderer . . . nor does it make you a relentless stalker of your little sister and her friends. Does it?
More intriguing, to me, anyway, was THIS comment . . .
I thought Ali’s choice of the word “parked” was a rather unusual one. It’s just not the type of phrasing you would expect a teen like Ali to use . . . It’s kind of old-fashioned, and, for lack of a better term, “nerdy.” Given that, I can’t help put think that Ali used the word “parked” specifically to make reference to a certain car . . .
The most obvious car reference would seem to point to Police Boy Garrett, who’s car was most recently spotted in front of Not-so-Blind Jenna’s house, and has literally seemed to follow Spencer everywhere she goes this season. But it also could be referring to the car Spence purchased for Toby. If you recall, Toby returned this car to Spencer’s driveway, when he left town. And, as far as we know, he hasn’t retrieved it yet.
Another car that played a major role in the series was the one that hit Hanna at Mona’s party, back in Season 1. And of course, we can’t forget Fitzy’s car, site for many a passionate make out session, throughout the course of the show . . .
Ali’s parting words to Spencer were that she was “getting warmer,” which I guess, after two season of seemingly endless wrong turns, on Spencer’s part, regarding this mystery, must be nice to hear.
I mentioned earlier that Ali always seems to leave something behind following these “dream sequences,” that causes the Little Liar, as well as the viewer to question whether the scene actually occurred in real life. This time, however, it wasn’t what Ali LEFT BEHIND that was important, but, rather, what she took. Presumably, Spencer’s pain medications were in her purse when she fell asleep. And yet, when she wakes up, not only are they on the counter in front of her, they also seem to be a couple of pills short. Oh Ali . . . don’t you know abusing drugs could kill you? Er . . . nevermind . . . pill pop away, Pretty Little Corpse . . .
In which Emily, Hanna, and Aria’s parents all get BUSTED . . .
It’s a bad day for being sneaky, this week, on PLL . . . a lesson Emily, Hanna and Aria’s parents all learn the hard way, when they try unsuccessfully to hide pertinent information from their friends and lovers. First up is Emily, who receives an angry, “How could you rat me out to my parents?” type text from the still-missing Maya.
OK . . . now I’m positive something is fishy about her disappearance. First of all, how would Maya know that Emily had contacted her parents, if said parents had no way of reaching her, since even Emily couldn’t pinpoint her exact location? Second of all, why is Maya texting Emily from her own cell phone? Isn’t she the least bit concerned that Emily will trace the call, and tell her parents exactly where she’s hiding? It just seems odd that Maya felt the need to send an e-mail from an “Undisclosed Sender,” and yet seems more than willing to use her actual phone to send a text.
My theory? “A” has Maya’s cell phone, and she’s been the one sending messages to Emily. But, if that’s true, where’s Maya?
Speaking of cell phones, Hanna gets busted for disobeying her mother’s implied “no cell phone” rule, when she stupidly fails to keep the darn thing on vibrate, while hanging out in the Marin kitchen . . . with her mother.
Hey, nobody ever said Hanna was the sharpest tool in the shed, right? I have to say, for a character who’s supposedly “good at lying,” Hanna really botched this one. It would have been easy for her to simply say she had been holding on to a friend’s phone, and forgot to return it. But instead, her excuse is, “Mona needs to keep in touch with me?”
Well . . . I guess that one’s actually kind of true . . . particularly, if Mona ends up being “A,” which I really hope she isn’t, because BOOOO-RRRING.
And yet, as annoyed as Mama Marin might be with her daughter’s deception, she can’t quite justify confiscating a phone for which she (1) didn’t pay for; and (2) isn’t footing the monthly bill. So, instead, Mama Marin simply rolls her eyes, mutters under her breath, and sends her daughter off to school.
In other parental unit news, Aria inadvertently learns her parents want to ship her off to a Fitzy-free boarding school in Vermont, upon finding a telltale application on her mother’s desk, at school. Understandably, the littlest liar is livid.
You could feel the tension in the Montgomery home, as Aria clomps around in her wedge shoes, passive aggressively avoiding her mother’s attempts at casual conversation.
Now, while Aria might be the best liar of the foursome, she’s definitely not the most adept at hiding her feelings. So, of course, it isn’t long before the pint-sized brunette is letting Mommy Dearest know exactly what she thinks about the whole “let’s ship Aria off to boarding school” plan. It’s a terrible idea. And I think, deep down both of Aria’s parents know it. Even if we take at face value Mama Montgomery’s statement that the decision was not based solely on Aria’s determination to continue dating Fitzy, applying for a school a thousand miles away, isn’t exactly the kind of thing you do for a sixteen year old, without broaching the matter with her first.
While I think most PLL fans agreed wholeheartedly with Aria that her parents were in the wrong, in terms of how they addressed this situation, I was surprised by how divided the fanbase was, regarding how Aria ultimately responded. In a move that would have made Expert Blackmailer “A” proud, Aria venomously threatened to expose her father’s erstwhile affair with a student, should the Montgomerys decide to actually ship her off to boarding school.
Having perused the message boards a bit, following the episode, I noticed that while a good number of you applauded Aria for standing up to her parents, and blatantly exposing their hypocrisy (particularly her father’s).
There was also an equal number of you who thought Aria took things much too far. You were shocked by her seeming willingness to put her boyfriend before her father’s career, and her family’s financial stability.
In Aria’s defense, I don’t think Aria had any intention of actually ratting out her father . . . just as I don’t think Aria’s parents would have ever gone through with their plans to ship her off to boarding school, without first discussing the matter with her. Rather, I think Aria made her threat predominately out of anger, and also as a way of making herself be heard, by two people (again more-so her father than her mother) who have made a habit out of not listening to her point of view.
*insert hissing noise*
Regardless of Aria’s true intentions, the Montgomery’s were clearly crushed by what they viewed as their daughter’s betrayal. Mama Montgomery even went so far as to say she was ASHAMED of Aria, which, as any one who has a parent can tell you, is about the most hurtful thing a parent can say to his or her kid.
Throughout these past two seasons, the Montgomery family’s relationships with one another have continuously disintegrated. What we have now is a family in crisis . . .
But hey, at least we’re getting laid, right? 😉
To catch a predator (by making out with your best friend’s boyfriend) . . .
Oh Mona! If you are going to go through the trouble of sending yourself fake text messages from “A” (which most of us assume is what she’s doing, whether or not it’s because she’s actually “A” herself, or simply out of desperation to be the unofficial fifth liar), the least you could do is make them seem moderately realistic.
Why would “A” suddenly decide to use MONA to break up Hanna and Caleb? It just doesn’t seem to be A’s style, especially when it would be much more mentally devastating to blackmail one of the other girls to do it, or, better yet, force Hanna to do it herself, as “A” had previously done with Spencer and Toby.
I also find it increasingly odd that, despite Mona’s increasingly erratic behavior, not one of the girls has ever suspected her of being “A.” This is particularly strange, when you consider how practically everybody else in Rosewood has earned a slot on the suspect list, at least once, including family members and significant others of most, if not, all of the liars. I would have at least expected Spencer to consider the possibility. She usually suspects EVERYBODY! Those pain medications must really be dulling her senses . . .
I blame the evil horse sweater . . .
Perhaps the reason the girls are all missing the neon pink flashing, “I’m a Suspect!” sign over Mona’s head is because Spencer’s sister, Crazy Nanny Carrie has been acting SOOOO frigging guilty. When Spencer finally confronts her with that video of her storming around Ali’s room, just hours before the dead girl’s demise, Melissa really has nothing to say in her own defense, aside from, (1)”Well, EVERYONE wanted Ali dead so . . .,” and (2) I’ve got dirty videos of you b*tches too, so F-U.”
It’s not exactly a rousing defense. So, when Mona conveniently suggests that she make out with Caleb in front of Melissa, to see if she takes the bait, and text the info to Hanna, the rest of the girls blindly go along with it . . . even though poor Caleb looks like he’d rather make out with the old lady from that denture commercial. “We are doing this for Hanna,” says Mona solemnly, before aggressively raping Caleb’s face with her tongue.
Poor Caleb! He was so horrified by the experience, he literally bolted from the car, and walked home alone. This, of course, gave Mona . . . er . . . I’m sorry, I mean “A” . . . the perfect opportunity to text Hanna the “bad news.” (Don’t you think the real “A” would have at least sent a picture as proof?)
Moments later, Mona’s back at Hanna’s house, supposedly wanting to shower the so-called “ickiness” of Caleb off of her body. Sure you do, Mona . . . sure you do . . .
Upon learning that Ali communicated with “A” via the classifieds, and may or may not have met her in front of that Creepy Doll Hospital, before she died, the girls decide to take a little field trip there. When they arrive there’s a creepy kid staring at that from the window, who must have been cast in this role, because he is the perfect mixture of (1) the kid from The Sixth Sense; (2) the kid from The Shining; and (3) a Chucky doll come to life.
As for the owner of the hospital, she’s just some old lady. (Old ladies are scary too!)
When the girls question the Old Lady about the voodoo doll in the window (the same one “A” sent Ali), she claims not to sell them.
She’s also rather cagey regarding whether or not she keeps records of prior doll purchases. And while Old Lady doesn’t seem to be particularly forthcoming with information, Creepy Kid Seth is just a fountain of knowledge. Claiming to have some sort of “Sixth Sense” about people, Creepy Kid Seth reports meeting with Ali prior to her death. He even knows exactly how she died, despite the fact that the cause of her death was not recorded in the papers.
But the most intriguing piece of information of all that Creepy Kid Seth offers the PLL girls is that a “dark-haired couple” was out to hurt Ali. Now, of course, a “dark haired couple” could refer to any number of pairings on this show. (And I’ll list them all, in just a bit.) But Creepy Kid Seth eliminates one pair from the suspect list right away (Blind? Jenna and Policeboy Garrett) by assuring the PLL girls that “the girl is not blind.” (Or DOES he?)
Other couples that fit Creepy Kid Seth’s description, and, might have been out to hurt Ali include:
Melissa and Dead Pedo Ian (Creepy Kid Seth specifically noted that the female had hair like Spencer’s.)
Melissa and Policeboy Garrett
Mona and Bushy Eyebrows Noel
Mona and Lucas
Jenna and Toby (though Toby’s hair seems more reddish than dark)
Maya and Noel
Fitzy and Jackie
Fitzy and Aria (Don’t kill me. I’m just mentioning all the possibilities here . . .)
“Vivian Darkbloom” (i.e. Ali’s twin) and . . . Dead Pedo Ian or Duncan Donuts?
Well, now that narrows things down, doesn’t it?
To see, or not to see . . .
I mentioned earlier that Creepy Kid Seth’s assertion that the female in the couple wanting to hurt Ali was not blind, may or may not exclude Blind Jenna from the list of suspects. I say this because Jenna’s blindness has been a subject of debate among PLL fans, ever since that time when she used a mirror to put on her lipstick. And yet, faking eye surgery would be a pretty tough feat to pull off.
Jenna’s blindness gets called into question again, when she takes off the bandages from her post-surgical eye, this week, and immediately erupts into tears. Toby, of course, assumes the worst, and moves to comfort his step sister. But we never get to hear Jenna’s response.
At school, the following day, Hanna, never one to beat around the bush, asks Jenna right up front whether or not she can see.
This time, she pretty explicitly states that the operation was a failure. Yet, according to Jenna, the mental clarity she gained from this experience has convinced her to “forgive the girls” their Jenna thing, in hopes that the former enemies can move past their grudges and hatred for one another. Do we believe her when she says this? Perhaps, more importantly, do we believe her when she says this?
I don’t know about you, but I was definitely fearing Jenna, toward the end of the episode, when she shocked everyone, by aggressively killing a fly on her window, wiped it off with a tissues, and winked at the camera . . . her sight clearly restored.
The question is, how long has Not-so-Blind Jenna been able to see. Has she been playing us all along, as many suspected? Was she actually blind, but regained her sight, as a result of the operation? (And if so, why is she lying to the girls, and possibly Toby?) Another possibility is that Not-so-Blind Jenna wasn’t lying at all to the girls. She merely hadn’t fully regained her sight until the end of the episode.
I suspect we’ll learn the answer to this question, next week. But, of course, I’d be eager to hear your theories on the subject . . .
Another intriguing thing Jenna does this week is turn the infamous Page 5 of the Autopsy report in to the police. She plays dumb as to its contents, when broaching the matter with Toby. But, by the end of the episode, it’s pretty clear she knows exactly what’s on them, and WHO they will incriminate in Ali’s murder . . .
To screw, or not to screw . . .
Throughout most of the episode, Aria and Fitzy still find themselves walking on egg shells around one another, as Fitzy nervously awaits the fallout from his decision not to take the Associate Dean position in Louisianna. He expects the worst, and gets it, when the class he teaches is mysteriously ripped from the college curriculum. (I thought he just taught Freshman English? How does a college take Freshman English off its curriculum?)
Fitzy and Aria are certain that this is Evil Papa Montgomery’s doing. But I’m not sure how realistic that is . . . I mean, it’s one thing for a popular professor to have enough influence on the university to help someone get a job; it’s quite another for that same popular professor to have enough influence to COMPLETELY CHANGE THE COURSES THAT THE COLLEGE OFFERS.
Anyway, long story short, Fitzy and Aria finally bang one another, on that darn couch Fitzy loves so much . . . a little detail that I found surprisingly fitting.
Their “Sex Song” was a really awesome cover of Wicked Games . . . the epitome of sex songs, in my humble opinion. It’s white hot! (I also really liked the lace tank top Aria was wearing pre-bone. Does anyone know where I could get me one of those?) But is it really goodbye sex? Only time will tell . . .
Welcome to the Dollhouse . . .
While Aria is cashing in that much-abused V-card, the rest of the PLL girls are heading back to the Creepy Doll Hospital to show “I See Dead People” Seth a video of Melissa, in hopes that he could possibly ID her as the dark-haired woman who “wants to hurt Ali.” Unfortunately, when they arrive at the “Hospital,” no one is there . . . or are they. Not two seconds after the girls enter the place, a doll starts eerily chanting “Follow me . . . end up like me,” over and over again. (I’m not going to lie, I almost peed my pants.)
As the girls move through the dark corridors of the place, we see a pair of eyes follow them, from beneath one of the dolls . . . or is it a mask?
The voice they hear is coming from a closed cabinet. And when they open it . . . ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE . . .
As if the dead Ali doll recreation wasn’t frightening enough, the whole place literally starts falling down around them, as the girls run screaming from the exit. Can you blame them?
Arrested Development
Now, I don’t know about you. But if I had just got home from that Doll House of Horrors, the absolute last thing I would want to do is go searching through some creepy dead girl’s bag in the home of her possible killer, Crazy Nanny Carrie. (They’ve decided to turn it over to the police, after all.) And yet, that’s exactly what the girls are doing, when they hear Melissa, herself, and Policeboy Garrett enter the home from the kitchen. Did I mention they are tonguing one another? (Crazy Melissa SURE DOES get around! Oh, and Policeboy Garrett seems to have recovered from being dumped by Jenna pretty quickly.)
Then again, he got a very early start . . .
In just one of the many shocking twists of the evening, both the Gross Makeout Couple, and the girls are interrupted from their machinations, by a knock on the door. It’s the police . . . they’ve come to arrest Policeboy Garrett . . . the question is why? My first thought, was that they were going to bring him in for questioning regarding the fire at Jenna’s house, or Maya’s disappearance. After all, it did appear to be his police badge that “A” planted right outside, Facelift Vampire Jason’s recently exploded house.
And yet, Policeboy Garrett actually ends up being arrested for Ali’s murder . . . which likely means that something on Page 5 of the autopsy report Jenna turned into the police, coupled with additional evidence, served to incriminate him . . .
EXCEPT, WE STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THE DARN THING SAID!!!
In the final moments of the episode, “A” is seeing paying off both the Old Lady and Creepy Kid Seth for their “work” at the Doll Hospital, thereby calling into question everything they said earlier on in the episode, including the whole “Dark-haired couple” comment . . . which basically leaves us back at square one, in terms of suspects. Brilliant . . .
Next week on PLL, the moment we’ve all been waiting for arrives . . .
Greeting, my Pretties! This week on PLL, we got a deeper glimpse into “Vivian Darkbloom’s” past. In other news, Blind Jenna got a wicked eye patch, Fitzy got a bit testy with the parental units, and Facelift Vampire Jason’s home underwent some “explosive” renovations. Oh, and don’t even get me started on Spencer and all the awesome eye sex she got to have this week. It’s a good thing retinas can’t get pregnant . . .
They can’t . . . I promise!
So, hop into that rickety plane with a complete stranger, and hold on to your music box, because it’s time for another Pretty Little Recap . . .
So, remember that cute little cupcake shop, where “A” COMPLETELY BRUTALIZED Hanna, by forcing her to eat a vomit-inducing amount of little piggy-shaped cupcakes, in front of a crowd of judgmental jocks? Well, apparently, Hanna was not quite as traumatized by that moment as I would be.
(Let’s not forget, this is a girl who’s already been HIT BY A CAR, ARRESTED AS A SUSPECT IN HER “BEST” FRIEND’S MURDER, and almost DROWNED IN A LAKE. It’s entirely understandable that our ideas regarding what’s considered “traumatizing” would differ.) After all, the episode opens with Hanna enjoying a CUPCAKE (not pig-shaped) with her fellow little liars at that very same sweets shop.
As the girls pretend to eat cupcakes, and chat, we learn a bit more about the Anonymous Hot Guy who mistook Aria for “Vivian Darkbloom” at the end of last week’s episode. It turns out, his name is “Duncan.” He has a last name, but since I wasn’t paying attention when it was referenced, I’m just going to call him Duncan Donuts, OK?
“You can trust me, because I dress like I’m 75.”
So, apparently, Duncan Donuts and Vivian Darkbloom were REALLY close . . . as in close enough to go on numerous secret dates in a town nearby . . . and close enough for him to buy her a not particularly cheap red jacket . . . but not close enough for him to CALL HER ON THE PHONE, AFTER NOT HAVING HEARD FROM HER FOR OVER A YEAR . . . and certainly not close enough for him to READ THE LOCAL PAPERS, SEE HER PICTURE ON THE FRONT PAGE, AND FIND OUT SHE’S A CORPSE.
Aria thinks she should give Duncan Donuts a call, basically because her contract requires her to have a boyfriend-type figure in every episode. And Fitzy and Holden won’t be sharing scenes with her, this week . . . From experience, every PLL girl already knows that meeting Strange Men — who may or may not have had sexual relations with Dead Ali in the past — while alone, is a bad idea.
However, they wholeheartedly support Aria in her stupidity. That’s what friends are for, right?
Oh, hey, look who’s back in town? It’s Abs Toby and Blind Jenna . . . correction, it’s Abs Toby and Half-Blind, Eyepatch Jenna. That’s right, my Pretties! As we’ve long been promised, Jenna finally had her groundbreaking,” blind-no-more” surgery . . . in one eye . . . which hasn’t healed yet. Yep, they are really going to drag this plotline out for as long as possible. aren’t they?
“At least I will save money on my pirate costume, this Halloween!”
Truthfully though, we are less concerned with the return of Half-Blind, Eyepatch Jenna, than we are of the return of Spencer’s ex-boyfriend with the HOT haircut, and the ice COLD chip on his shoulder. Cue the Spencer Face . . . the longing looks (on Spencer’s part), and the glares (on Toby’s part) to the tune of . . . Intense Mood Music, and Slo-Mo Walking.
Also, notice how Abs Toby is no longer treating Half-Blind, Eyepatch Jenna like the brother-raping, police boy banging, little-liar framing, ninety pounds of pure evil she actually is! He actually seems to NOT MIND hanging out with her, as evidenced by the way he keeps . . . you know . . . touching her and stuff. Did they give you a lobotomy with that haircut, Tobster?
Spencer runs into Abs Toby again later at school. And she’s all, “What’s the deal with your Creepy Sister and her fugly eyepatch?”
So, Toby’s all, “She finally had the operation. What’s it to you, you Maneating B*tch? I miss you! I love you. Why did you start humping that hot British doctor, when I would have let you be part of my Abs Toby Sandwich?
So Spencer says, “Let’s get back together. Mm-kay? Because Emily was totally kidding about me banging the British guy. I didn’t do that until we were ‘on a break.’ ‘A’ still might end up murdering in your sleep, because you’re dating me. But that’s just the price of True Love, right?”
But Toby’s all, “Ya snooze ya, lose, Ho! I LOVE YOU SPENCER! KISS ME, YOU FUNNY-FACING MAKING BUNDLE OF LOVE!”
Then Half-Blind Jenna emerges from the Principal’s office, and creepily tells Spencer, she KNEW she was standing in front of her, despite Spencer not having uttered a word, since Half-Blind Jenna’s appearance. This means Half-Blind Blind Jenna knows her Pretty Little Liars so well, that she can smell them, when they are close by. Yeah . . . because that’s not creepy, at all . . .
“Stop sniffing my ex-girlfriend. That’s MY job!”
Missed Calls and Mixed Messages . . .
Back at the Marin household, Hanna and her mom are in a fight. It turns out that Mama Marin won’t buy Hanna a new phone to replace the one she DROPPED IN THE SOAPY SINK, last week, in order to prevent Mama Marin from confiscating it.
As much as I adore my Hanna, you have to admit, this was a pretty ballsy request on Hanna’s part . . . I mean, sure, we all know that Hanna only destroyed the phone to prevent her mother from discovering A’s identity, thereby, putting herself in danger. But she has to see that, from her mom’s perspective, the whole “phone drowning” thing, came off as a very deliberate and highly personal “F-U Mommy.”
Besides, Mama Marin worked hard to steal that money from the Old Dying Lady! She can’t be going off spending it, wily nily, on electronics, every time Hanna decides to drown them, or throw them in a blender!
Part of me thinks it would have been REALLY funny, if Hanna got one of those prepaid phones mailed to her by “A,” with a message like, “Try not to get this one wet, or make it into a smoothie.”
However, considering it was Mona, who ended up providing Hanna with a replacement phone, and many people think SHE’S “A,” perhaps my scenario is precisely what happened. More and more, we are seeing Mona get involved in the PLL girls’ dealings with “A” in ways that help the mysterious evildoer complete her master plan. In this case, obviously “A” wants Hanna to have a phone, so that she can continue to taunt her with text messages . . . like the one the girls received later on in the episode: “Where there’s smoke, there’s payback.”
But here’s a question for you? Assuming the cell phone Hanna received from Mona was on Mona’s account (which Mona explains to us that it is), how did “A” manage to snag Hanna’s new number, if not from Mona herself? (Assuming Mona and “A” are two different people, of course.) Unless, Mona somehow transferred Hanna’s old number to Mona’s account, in which case, I take back everything I just said . . .
Speaking of anonymous, and not-so-anonymous communications, “Maya” has been secretly contacting Emily, with text messages saying she is “OK,” and sweet, exceptionally well-written e-mails, about their great times together and “perfect goodbyes.” Emily is touched that Maya is reaching out to her, but torn as to whether she should clue Maya’s parents in to her possible whereabouts. In the end, she decides to confront the St. Germaines with the information she has received.
The question is . . . did Emily jump the gun? After all, Maya’s messages (particularly the e-mail) certainly SOUNDED like they were from Maya. But what if they weren’t? After all, both messages were sent from an “undisclosed sender.” Is it possible that “A” has been sending these messages, on Maya’s behalf, to keep her off the trail of a girlfriend in danger? Only time will tell . . .
Come Crash Fly with Me!
Duncan Donut has two dates meetings with Aria, in this episode. The first one is normal. The second one is ridiculous. First Duncan Donut meets Aria in the school courtyard, where he admits that he knows that Vivian Darkbloom was just an alias for Ali. (No mention as to whether he believed that big ole black wig was actually her real hair.)
He also seems to know a heck of a lot about Ali / Vivian’s friends, including Aria . . . “the writer . . . who keeps journals.” Interesting . . . because the only time I’ve ever heard Aria even talk about writing was in the pilot episode . . . right before she humped Fitzy in the bathroom. I thought the whole “writing thing” was just a pickup line. Go figure!
Talk about being the bearer of bad news! Aria then has to tell Duncan Donuts that Vivian/Ali is . . . you know . . . not-so-much alive, anymore. Check out Duncan Donut’s face in this scene. He’s clearly shocked . . . and totally crushed by the news . . . either that, or he’s a really great actor. P.S. He claims to have been with Ali / Vivian the weekend she supposedly disappeared . . .
Having had so much fun on her first date with Duncan Donut, Aria decides to set up a second one with him, this time in a totally secluded area in a town called Brookhaven. Be careful Aria. Your best frenemy hung out with this guy, and then DIED. Does that make him a killer? Not necessarily. Does that make him REALLY bad luck? Absolutely . . .
So, you know those comedy sketches that take place in front of green screens, where it’s supposed to look like the television character is doing something CRAZY, like water skiing on Niagara Falls, or climbing the alps, or hanging off the top of Mount Rushmore. But actually, they are basically just standing in front of a piece of paper with a picture on it. Well, those all look WAY more realistic than the image of Aria and Duncan Donut flying a plane together on their date / mutual interrogation session.
Why does Aria get into a plane with this Admittedly-Hot, but not particularly stable-seeming loon, you ask? It beats the hell out of me. Supposedly, this was something Ali/ Vivian just loooooooved to do. According to Duncan, flying with him (he has a license, she didn’t), made her feel free from all the little people on the ground, who were trying to kill her. You know, because death-by-plane crash is much more pleasant than death-by-shovel-repeatedly-bashed-into-brain. (So much for that dream!)
Throughout the entire experience, Aria basically looks like she is about to pee in her pants. So, of course, this gives Duncan Donut the brilliant idea to FORCE her to takeover the controls, despite her complete lack of experience flying planes, under the ridiculous rationalization that this will help her “understand” Ali. (If you mean because they will both be dead, by the time they have finished with you, then, yes, this is a brilliant idea, Duncan Donuts.)
It certainly doesn’t help matters that Duncan is sporting a serious case of the Crazy Eyes throughout the entire scene. I’ll be honest, this made me miss a lot of what the pair were talking about, because I was so busy screaming at my television, “Don’t kill Aria, before she gets to have that sex scene. Ezria fans will FREAK!”
Nonetheless, here’s what I got out of this lovely near-death-by-green-screen conversation:
(1) Duncan Donut would have loved to have intimately explored Vivian’s “dark bloom” (if you catch my drift), before she died. However, he suspected that there were other men out there, who were beating him to the punch.
(2) Aria admits to Duncan Donut that she thinks the police and the newspapers are wrong regarding Ali’s murder. Creepy Pedo Ian didn’t kill Ali. He was either framed, or willingly took the fall for someone else, before he died.
(3) Duncan Donut notes that on the weekend prior to Ali’s disappearence, he flew her to Philadelphia from Brookhaven, which means she had been back in town for hours, by the time she met up with the girls. (What was she doing in Rosewood, during all those missing hours?)
(4) Duncan observed that Ali seemed “different” the last time he saw her. He assumed this was because she had “just figured something out.” However, the proponents of the “Ali has a twin” theory, could easily surmise that “Ali” seemed different, because she was actually a different person, than the one with whom Duncan had developed a relationship.
Oh yeah, and he and Aria didn’t end up dying in a plane crash. So, yay for hot people surviving the danger of their own idiocy . . .
Speaking of men who want to put their hands all over Aria’s “controls” . . .
Fitzy Must REALLY Like that Couch . . .
Fitzy, you little lazy scamp, you . . . why do you always seem to be laying on that couch of yours? Aren’t you afraid of falling asleep and missing your classes? Do you actually teach any classes? Or do they just pay you to sit on that couch and pretend to grade papers?
After “Who’s A?” and “Who killed Ali?” this is the third biggest mystery of PLL. Fitzy is an enigma wrapped in plaid, wrapped in a nerdy sweater vest, wrapped in Aria’s arms . . . He also seemed to grow a pair this week, when he was visited by not one, but BOTH elder Montgomery’s.
How did he grow a pair, you ask? Well, he basically told them both where to stick it, in terms of their attempts to control his career / relationship with their daughter. (Well, on second thought, he was a bit more polite to one than the other . . . bet you can’t guess which one . . .)
Oh, one more thing about Fitzy, before I recap the conversations he had with Aria’s parents . . . he can be a little . . . how do I put this kindly . . . intense . . . when he’s feeling disrespected. We saw this for the first time, during his “don’t wake a sleepwalker” speech to that scheming harlot, Jackie.
We saw it again tonight. Now I’m not SAYING Fitzy is “A.” (For one thing, he lacks a comprehensive motive . . . so far.) However, I will say that those of you who subscribe to that theory, got a lot of juice out of his scenes in this episode . . .
First up was Mama Montgomery, who also, seems to rarely teach, as she just decided to hop on over to Hollis college smack in the middle of the day to give Fitzy a piece of her mind. “I’m not an ally,” insists Mama Montgomery to the Perpetual Couch Dweller. “I don’t have an opinion on [the job offer my husband is using to manipulate you to leave town].” She adds.
“It matters what you think of me,” Fitzy replies stoically. (Well, that was a nice thing to say, under the circumstances . . . I guess.)
And yet, lest you think this conversation is a total waste of time (which I’ll admit I did, initially), before leaving, Mama Montgomery lays her cards on the table, regarding why she REALLY made this long journey to Fitzy’s office in the middle of the day. I’ll give you a hint: it starts with the letter “A.”
Apparently, Mama Montgomery is still very much hot on the trail of the “A” who (1) initially informed her about her husband’s affair; (2) clued in Byron to the continuing nature of the Ezria relationship; and (3) may or may not be torturing Aria and her friends on a fairly consistent basis. So, she turns to Fitzy for clues, hoping that, perhaps, one of Aria’s Deep Dark Secrets will help yield another.
Fitzy’s words are brilliantly filled with alternative meanings, and double entendres, depending on whether you view him as an “A” suspect or not. For those of you who view Fitzy as 100% innocent in the torture of Aria and her friends, his statements, “I would never intentionally hurt Aria,” and, “there was someone who would want to hurt [me], but not any more” seem perfectly honest and straightforward. The first statement, simply refers to his complete and unabiding love for Aria, and the second refers to Jackie, the one person, aside from “A,” Aria’s parents, and, of course, Bushy Eyebrows Noel, who ever sought to ruin the Ezria relationship.
And yet, those who think Fitzy might be “A” see the statements in an entirely different light. Assuming for a second that Fitzy was “A,” his statement regarding how he would never “intentionally hurt Aria,” seems to dovetail directly with fans “concerns” regarding the fact that, of all the liars, “A” goes the absolute easiest on Aria. As for Fitzy’s statement about someone wanting to hurt him and Aria, but “not anymore,” well, one might surmise that he was referring to Ali, herself . . .
Just a suggestion . . .
While Fitzy’s meeting with Mama Montgomery was all mixed meanings, and double entendres, his conversation with Papa Montgomery gives off a much clearer message. And that message is: ‘I hate your guts . . . BASTARD.”
*insert growling noise*
Whatever your feelings are regarding Ezria, you have to admit that this scene was just incredibly fun to watch. Initially, the two grown men are icy, yet cordial, to one another. Fitzy informs Byron he’s not going to take the job in New Orleans, and Byron says he’s “sorry to hear that.” But that’s when the gloves really come off.
Fitzy tells Byron that the reason he’s not taking the job in Mardi Gras town is that he doesn’t want Papa Montgomery to have that kind of “power” over him. There was also some smack talk flying back and forth about which man had the bigger “ego.”
In other words, Classic Male Pissing Contest. It was awesome. Fitzy’s been running scared from the Montgomery’s for such a long time now. It’s nice to see him finally taking charge of his own life even if he does end up being “A.” Oh, and, after it was all over, he called Aria, and told her he loved her, thus proving that Classic Male Pissing Contests are exceptionally good for the libido . . .
“I wanna whack her like a pinata!”
Oh, Mona! I used to find you insanely annoying. But now I kind of adore your smart mouth, and warped sense of loyalty. You are like the female version of the comedically- inclined hitman character on one of those mob shows. (So, I really hope you don’t end up being “A.” like you were in the books.)
Anywhoo, the PLL girls have plenty of good reasons why they want Abs Toby to stay away from Half-Blind, Eyepatch Jenna. For one thing, that’s SPENCER’S man, dammit though, I still prefer Wren. For another, Half-Blind is a fairly awful human being, who never really forgave the girls for their part in her blinding, and has more than once framed them for some Very Bad Things. For a third, she’s just CREEPY. And has been known to do things like rub Toby’s leg, while saying that she “wants to surround herself with things she love, and you [MY BROTHER WHO I LIKE TO SCREW] will be there too.
“Get your paws off me, pirate!’
(By the way, where the heck are Half-Blind Jenna’s and Toby’s parents, during all this? Did Half-Blind Jenna eat them?)
To be honest, I’m not quite sure why MONA hates Half-Blind Jenna (assuming she’s not “A,” of course). But whatever the reason, she’s REALLY quick to offer a helping hand in getting Hanna some alone time with the Tobster, for anti-Jenna reasons. (She’s also really quick to offer to basically BEAT HER TO DEATH, but that’s neither here nor there.)
“If you show me your abs, I’ll give you this car.”
Mona get Toby alone by offering a threesome with her and Half-Blind Jenna claiming to have some random “car question” for him. But once she’s got him cornered, she’s out like a tubby girl in dogeball, and in comes Hanna. Now, in Abs Toby’s defense, Hanna comes on just a LITTLE bit strong, with her whole, “How dare you hang out with your sister, when she’s so mean to your ex girlfriend,” logic. That said, Abs Toby, is more than a bit douchey in response, by playing the whole “YOU BLINDED HER” CARD, and then storming off, like it’s his job.
Speaking of doucheyness, Abs Toby has an extra special dose of it lined up for Dr British Hotpants Wren, when he happens by Half-Blind Jenna in the hospital, on the day she is supposed to have her bandages taken off. If looks could kill Hotpants would be one very sexy puddle on the floor. That said, I have to give the Line of the Day Award to Half-Blind Jenna, who refers to Dr Hotpants as “Spencer’s personal physician,” and insists that “even a lie would sound good in that accent.”
It’s odd, isnt’ it, that mere days after Maya goes missing, Facelift Vampire Jason pops by to claim that she ”just happened” to drop some of Ali’s stuff by the house, in a big fat duffelbag? The PLL girls are thrilled, assuming that they will find something in the bag that leads to discovering who either “A” or Ali’s killer is. Unfortunately, most of the stuff in there is just a bunch of childhood junk (though I did notice the Voodoo doll from the Halloween special in there. YAY, continuity!) . . . or is it?
While searching through the crap, the girls realize that the newspaper in which it is wrapped, is actually from prior to Ali’s disappearance, and contains within it, some sort of a code. (Thank you Hanna for your insanely accurate memory of Michelle Obama’s wardrobe). It seems that Ali and “A” were communicating with one another through personal and classified ads prior to Ali’s death. (How very low tech! I’m disappointed in you, A.)
In fact, on the weekend of Ali’s demise, she met “A” at . . . wait for it . . . the Creepy Doll Hospital.
(Oh, Ali also has a creepy music box. I’m not entirely sure why that’s relevant, but the producers seemed to focus on it a lot, so I figured I would throw it in there.)
Burning Up for Your Love
Upon realizing that the bag might contain even more clues than originally suspected, the girls rush to retrieve it from Facelift Vampire Jason’s porch, where they had dutifully returned it, earlier that day. Hanna gets to do the honors. So, you can imagine her suprise when HALF-BLIND JENNA’S FACE POPS OUT OF NO WHERE, and THE ENTIRE FIRST FLOOR BURSTS INTO FLAMES.
It’s Hanna and Spencer (when did she get here?) to the rescue, as they pull Half-Blind Jenna from the wreckage, just seconds before the flames . . . excuse the expression, whack her like a pinata.
Off to the hospital we go to assess the damages. Surprisingly, Hanna is absolutely fine, aside from her hair smelling like smoke (which, of course, brings back memories of Emily’s “I have glass in my hair,” moment.) But Spencer has glass in her HANDS. YAY! Wait . . . why am I saying, yay, to Spencer’s injury?
THAT’S WHY!
Wren is “cleaning and mending Spencer’s hands” very carefully (which I wish was a euphemism for something, but isn’t). He’s also talking to her in this super sweet and soft voice of his, and telling her that she has a very complicated life. (See, Wren is smart!) He then eye sexes her up, so hard, she pops out about ten eye babies. Upon eye baby delivery, he asks her if she would like to pretend certain things between them (like massive makeout, eyesex, half-nude massages, and drunken sleepovers) never happened.
Spencer responds, “HELL TO THE NO!” (As most of us would. Because, seriously, who would want to forget any time spent with Dr Hotpants . . . I mean, really.)
In other news, Spencer’s mom is apparently not on Team Facelift Vampire Jason, for obvious reasons. Spencer takes issue with this because . . . well . . . he’s her half-brother, a.k.a. family. (Makes sense.) In fact, judging by the way things are turning out for the Hastings brood, he might very well be the most SANE hastings of the bunch . . .
But for not so obvious reasons, Mama Hastings claims that SHE, and not her husband, was the one who spent $15,000 for the private investigator to find Ali. Hmmm . . . Why do I feel like we are still missing a big chunk of this story? Toward the end of the episode, Facelift Vampire Jason and Mama Hastings seem to share some not entirely antagonistic words at the hospital. So . . . um . . . progress!
Controlling the world . . . one Rosewood Resident at a time . . .
Oh, I guess you’re interested in finding out how Half-Blind Jenna is, right? Well, she’s fine . . . if you ignore the fact that she is still half-blind . . . hysterical crying . . . and of couse, an evil brother-f*&king shrew. As it turns out, Half-Blind Jenna was in Facelift Vampire’s house based on a message she supposedly received from Jason . . . a message he claims he never sent. In other words, “A” basically tried to have Half-Blind Jenna killed, but Hanna saved her life (with Spencer’s help). “Where there’s smoke, there’s payback,” right?
Again, where the F*&k are Half-Blind Jenna’s parents? HELLO! YOUR KID ALMOST DIED! Time to return from the mall, or wherever the heck it is you’ve been for 2.5 seasons
There is an interesting, and suprisingly divisive, scene toward the end of the episode, in which a tearful Half-Blind Jenna asks Hanna why she would possibly save her, given the awful history the two have with one another. (The Slap Heard Round the World Comes immediately to mind here.) To this, Hanna responds with a rather icy, “You’re welcome,” before exiting stage left.
Having perused the message boards, I notice that a lot of you felt this was rude of Hanna, considering Half-Blind Jenna’s emotional state. However, I kind of think, under the circumstances, Hanna handled the situation quite well.
After all, Hanna and Half-Blind Jenna are NOT friends, in fact they are nearly enemies. So Hanna certainly didn’t save the girl out of any fondness or loyalty she felt toward her. Rather, she simply did it, because it was the RIGHT thing to do . . . She probably would have done it for ANYONE . . . possibly even a complete stranger (like Duncan Donuts). While this is a perfectly good reason to save someone’s life, it’s not a particularly nice thing to say to someone.: “I saved you because I was SUPPOSED TO DO IT.”
And like Mommy always says, when you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all . . . which was exactly what Hanna did . . . at least in my opinion. (That said, giving Jenna a little smile when she said it, certainly wouldn’t have hurt . . .)
In the final moments of the episode, Gloved Hand leaves Police Boy Garrett’s badge on the floor near Facelift Vampire Jason’s house, thereby implicating him in the fire. In hindsight, he’d make for a good suspect, considering we’ve seen him arguing with Half-Blind Jenna, and angrily fleeing her home many times in the past.
Ahhh, the plot thickens. Next week on PLL, more Creepy Dolls, Creepy Old Ladies, and an Ezria sex scene? You can check out the promos here . . .
So, who do YOU think is A? Until next time, my Pretties . . .
This week on Grey’s, Meredith’s Voiceover had her trachea accidentally eaten by a Person Who Shall Not Be Named. *cough Alex cough* And so, while Meredith’s Voiceover’s new trachea was incubating, our Grey’s writers had to come up with another Artificial Story-Framing Device to use during the episode. Their solution? This . . .
As we all know (and have been told TIME and TIME AGAIN), Seattle Grace and the doctors and nurses who work there, have all suffered, as a result of The Shooting.
As with all major tragedies, The Shooting left scars on everyone who experienced it. Some of those scars are easily seen . . .
. . . while others are more hidden.
Yet, ever the businessman, Chief Webber would like to gloss over all of those scars with a swift coat of cheery yellow paint, and put a “fresh face” on Seattle Grace — one that is shiny and new.
“Get those ugly extras in the white lab coats OUT OF MY SHOT! What do you think this is . . . a HOSPITAL?”
And so, Chief Webber invites a documentary film crew inside his hospital, to show the world what a “warm and sunshiney” place Seattle Grace can be!
“You can stand under my umbrella . . . ella . . . ella . . . hey . . . hey . . . hey . . . under my umbrella . . .”
(Speaking of “sunny” . . . you know . . . this show has been on the air for seven seasons, and, during that time, I don’t recall ONCE seeing it rain! Did I mention the show takes place in Seattle? You know, the “Rainy City?” Where it rains, on average, 158 days per year?)
One of the few times I someone got wet watching on Grey’s Anatomy . . .
Good weather notwithstanding, it is tough to paint a “happy face” on a place, where phrases like the one below are so often included in daily conversation . . .
But that doesn’t mean that Chief Webber isn’t going to try . . .
So, scrub in Grey’s fans! It’s time to take a little walk on the “Road to Recovery.”
Alex Karev’s Greatest Hits
By far, my favorite storyline of the episode went to Alex Karev. His patient-of-the-week was a nine-year old girl named Lily, who had a large tumor obstructing her trachea.
She also had an obsession with Camp Rock 2, and a terrible case of Bieber Fever . . .
It is important to note that Justin Chambers (the actor who plays Alex) has five kids, ranging in age from 8 to 17, four of whom are girls. So, when Lily couldn’t take her iPOD into the MRI machine with her, and Alex started singing Camp Rock 2’s “Wouldn’t Change a Thing” to the her, so she wouldn’t be nervous during the procedure, I couldn’t help but wonder whether the actor had done this before . . .
Lily’s MRI results show that her tumor has grown so large that she will die, if her trachea isn’t removed. Unfortunately, the removal of the trachea is, in itself, an often-fatal procedure.
Fortunately, as per usual, Alex and the Seattle Graceans have come up with a Groundbreaking Medical Procedure that could save Lily’s life. The procedure involves growing a new healthy trachea, using Lily’s own cells.
Just heat those little buggers up in a microwave and, voila! You’ve got yourself a BRAND NEW Chia Trachea!
Tra-tra-tra TRACHEA!
For a guy who can be a REAL douche when it comes to dealing with adults, our Alex sure is a softy when it comes to working with kids!
And, although Alex says he’s only sleeping at the hospital to water Lily’s Chia Trachea, it seems pretty obvious that the real reason he’s there, is so that the little girl won’t feel so alone.
All I know, is if I was in fourth grade right now, I would TOTALLY bring that Adorable Doc in for Show-and-Tell, just like Lily did . . .
I’d probably have him wear less clothes, though . . .
Lexie Grey – Renegade Outlaw
While Alex is spending all of his time in the hospital, Lexie is spending most of hers right outside of it. You see, ever since The Shooting, Chief Webber has significantly “enhanced” the security at Seattle Grace. One of these new “enhanced” security procedures requires all staff and vistors entering the hospital to submit to a full body scan and metal detector check. As for the doctors and nurses, they must also show the security guards their Picture ID Badges, upon entering the hospital.
The problem is that Lexie’s ID picture looks like this . . .
. . . and she now looks like this . . .
So, rather than do the logical thing, and ask the Chief to have a new ID picture taken, Lexie spends most of the episode fighting with the security guards –trying desperately to convince them that she’s the same person as the blonde in the picture.
Eventually, Lexie gets fed up with arguing, and runs past the guards into the hospital. Lexie’s breach of protocol causes the ENTIRE hospital to go into lockdown. This “innocent” rebellion results in major problems for one of Lexie’s colleagues Dr. Hotness Jackson Avery.
Jackson’s Emotional Breakdown
Jackson is rolling a patient with respiratory problems into surgery, when the automatic procedures associated with the lockdown result in his being trapped in a small glass vestibule, without any medical equipment. Undoubtedly, having his own PTSD-fueled flashback to the day of The Shooting, Jackson begins to scream, pound ferociously on the glass doors, and doggedly administer CPR to his patient, who is now frantically gasping for air.
The event frightens Jackson so much, that even when the doors reopen, and other doctors are allowed into the room, Jackson, now hysterically crying continues pounding uselessly on his patient’s chest.
On camera, an embarrassed and grief-stricken Jackson admits just how hard on him The Shooting, specifically, his loss of two friends and colleagues during it has been . . .
Finally, at the end of the episode, The Chief takes his head out of his ass long enough to order the removal of Seattle Grace’s short-lived and utterly ridiculous security system from the premises. Goodbye and GOOD RIDDENS, I say!
Hello to Arms
I had literally a TON of ideas for jokes to put in the caption underneath this picture, all of which would make me look like a total douche, and none of which were the least bit appropriate. Therefore, feel free to insert your own Inappropriate Joke About People With No Arms here . . .[ ]
I’m a totally terrible person, aren’t I?
Remember that picture at the top of this recap, featuring the caption about someone’s brains being on the floor? Yeah . . . that was THIS GUY . . .
The bad news is . . . he’s dead obviously. The good news is, he’s an organ donor with pretty arms. That second part makes our Attendings pretty darn happy, because it will provide them with the opportunity to perform . . .you guessed it . . . a NEW Groundbreaking Medical Procedure.
(That’s TWO Groundbreaking Medical Procedures in one episode, for those of you keeping score . . .)
“Hey, remember when No Arm Guy’s wife stole a baby from the stomach of that chick on Private Practice? That was AWESOME!”
So, the trio of Super Docs (actually, it ends up being Callie, who does most of the work), plan to extract Dead Guy’s arms, and put them on No Arms Guy. (Dead Guy isn’t really using them, anyway. . .). There’s just one slight problem . . .
“Nicole” is not No Arms Guy’s Wife’s name . . . AWKWARD!
Honestly? I wasn’t as surprised by the couple being so cool with taking the arms, despite the tattoo, as I was by the fact that all the doctors thought that they wouldn’t be. After all, in the “What Would Rather” game, I’m pretty sure “Have a Random Tattoo” would win out over “Have No Arms” EVERY TIME . . .
Now, usually the actual “surgery” parts of Grey’s episodes bore the stuffing out of me. But I have to say, this arm surgery was pretty darn cool to watch. The way they literally sawed off Dead Guy’s arms, and wheeled them down the hospital corridor — the disembodied fingers wiggling, as the gurney lurched and bumped its way toward the OR — was like something out of a horror movie!
And then, the way the arms turned, pink, once they were reconnected to the Patient Formerly Known as No Arms Guy’s body, was so VERY Frankenstein . . .
. . . or, it would be, if the original Frankenstein movie wasn’t in black-and-white . . .
I also liked the little epilogue part, where we learned that the Patient Formerly Known As No Arms Guy tattooed the word “Thank you” next to Nicole’s name. That was sweet. It was nice of Crazy Lady from Private Practice and the Patient Formerly Known As No Arms Guy to remember that, even though the arms belonged to Dead Guy, originally, it was his wife, Nicole, who actually agreed to donate them — thereby, making this whole thing possible . . .
LOOOOOOOONG Distance Relationship
“Ummmm . . . what’s up with the Fugly Hat? You’re going to Africa, not the Easter Parade.”
Sometimes, spending time fixing Tiny Humans really pays off. Arizona learned this, when she won the prestigious Carter Madison grant. Said grant would allow her to go to Africa, and facilitate the process of ensuring that the children there receive top-quality medical treatment.
While some of Arizona’s colleagues were pleased to hear about the honor she received . . .
(The increasingly opportunistic Chief Webber treated Arizona like she was his prize poodle, who had just won Best in Show at the Purina Dog C0mpetition. I kept waiting for him to pat her on the head, and give her a biscuit . . .)
. . . others were less than enthused . . .
Callie, for one, couldn’t understand why ANYONE would possibly give up Earth-shattering sex with her (YAY!), in exchange for something as mundane as The Opportunity of a Lifetime (Snooze!).
Fortunately for Arizona, Callie decided, at the last minute to come to Africa with Arizona.
See? Sometimes you CAN have your pound cake, and eat it out too!
Miranda Bailey can’t win . . .
You know, everytime I see Miranda Bailey on my screen lately, I want to reach out and give her a hug. Let’s review, shall we? Her husband left her, her boyfriend ditched her for a spinoff . . .
. . . Dr. Percy died in her arms . . . and now . . . our girl is FINALLY ready to go out and have a drink with her buds . . .
. . . when she finds out that SHE KILLED MANDY MOORE!
It all started when Mary, the girl attached to the colostomy bag, who braved The Shooting with Bailey, returned to Seattle Grace, with her husband in tow.
Mary plans to have Dr. Bailey complete a medical procedure, which she had never gotten to perform during Mary’s first visit to the hospital, for obvious reasons. The procedure is a routine colostomy reversal, one that should have Mary in and out of the OR in about an hour. Dr. Bailey, having grown attached to Mary, during The Shooting, is eager to finish the procedure. She hopes that it will provide them both with some much needed closure on a difficult chapter in their lives.
While Bailey preps Mary for surgery, the two chat like old girlfriends. We learn that Mary and her husband, realizing that life is short, blew through their entire savings, and traveled the world, in the months following the shooting.
We also hear Mary tell the documentary film crew that she hopes to “have lots of babies.”
The procedure itself goes off without a hitch. We see Dr. Bailey give Mary’s adorable husband (played by Ryan Devlin) the good news. Dr. Bailey, still on a high from her friend’s successful surgery, tells the documentary crew that she is plans to treat herself to a drink after work — something, which, surely she has earned.
Unfortunately, this wouldn’t be Grey’s Anatomy if there wasn’t at least one maudlin moment in the episode. And this moment belonged to poor Mary, who, we later learn, never woke up from surgery.
After watching his wife spend months in a coma, Mary’s husband is ultimately forced to terminate her life support. In a heart-wrenching scene toward the end of the episode, we see Bailey break down and cry over Mary’s death, in an empty hospital room . . .
Well THAT was completely unnecessary, Grey’s!
“Being a Hero Has Its Price.”
Although Meredith and Cristina didn’t have their own “medical” storyline this week (Cristina, after all, is still on her way too long “I don’t do surgery” PTSD/depression kick.), we did get to see a lot of them both, during the “interview” portion of the episode. Meredith remarks to the interviewer about how close her and Cristina are — a fact which Derek readily confirms. “Dr. Yang and my wife sometimes have sleepovers . . . in my bed . . . with me in it.”
That’s HOT!
But when Meredith calls Cristina “her hero” for saving Derek’s life, during The Shooting, Cristina breaks down, and has to stop the interview. She later returns to complete the interview, after she has composed herself. “What did you take away from all of this?” The interviewer asks Cristina.
“Being a hero has its price,” replies Cristina sadly.
Indeed . . .
But, that’s kind of a depressing way to end a recap. And I always like to end my recaps on a HAPPY note. So, let’s try this ending on for size . . .
Hey boys and girls! This week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy has been brought to you by the letter “B.”
B is for . . .
Baby,
Bromance,
Brothers (who BEAT eachother up),
Bereavement,
Broken,
Banging (even though you are both hung up on other people), and
Bat-sh*t Crazy!
Let’s revisit, shall we?
Baby Talk (and Talk, and Talk, and Talk . . .)
Man, was there A LOT of talk about babies during this episode! The Grey’s Anatomy writers certainly know how to take a “theme” and beat it to death, don’t they? Let’s see . . . BABIES . . . Derek wants one . . .
and Meredith doesn’t (because she is afraid she will be a Bad Mommy), but then she changes her mind, and decides she wants one after all. . .
Callie ALSO wants one (and has been TALKING about it nonstop for about FOUR episodes now, which is REALLY grating on my nerves), but Arizona still doesn’t.
Bailey HAS one, but he seems to disappear and reappear at the writers’ convenience.
And Little Sloan, who I was REALLY REALLY hoping thought was gone for good, is HAVING one, right on McSteamy’s doorstep, at the episode’s conclusion. Ummm . . . yeah, there’s not really much more I want to say on this topic. Put a fork in it, Grey’s. IT’S DONE!
The Bro-mantic Adventures of Mer and Karev . . .
Grey’s Anatomy has always been a show about relationships, with a little medicine thrown in for good measure. Obviously, the relationships that receive the most screen time tend to be the romantic ones, like the relationship between Meredith and McDreamy.
On occasion, Grey’s will also treat us to platonic GIRL-friendships, like the relationship between Meredith and Christina.
But what often gets short shrift on this show are the bromances – those fist-bumping, noogie-giving, non-emotive grunting, platonic relationships between DUDES. And THAT is what we got treated to during “Sympathy for the Parents.” Yes, technically, Meredith is a GIRL, but her relationship with Alex Karev (which continues to be one of my favorite dynamics on the show) is much more bromantic than anything else.
“So, how about those Yankees?”
Meredith and Karev relate to one another in that special monosyllabic way that only DUDES can. Without a word exchanged, Karev knew that in order to resolve her inner turmoil about having kids, Meredith needed to be told that she was nothing like her mother. Just as Karev needed to be told that HE was nothing like his father. And when Karev’s brother appeared at Seattle Grace out of no where, and EVERYONE was prying into Karev’s home life, Meredith, Queen of the Dysfunctional Family Club, knew to stay out of his way. In her own, quiet, and non-judgmental way, Meredith supported Karev throughout this episode, subtly steering him toward the betterment of his relationship with his estranged brother.
Brotherly Love and Bizarre Belly Buttons
That is NOT a weiner . . .
By far, the best and most intriguing storyline of the evening went to Resident Badass Hottie, Alex Karev.
Mmmmmmmmmmm . . . yummy!
Who knew he had a cute younger brother and a sister, both of whom he hadn’t seen in seven years? Who knew he was a foster kid, with an abusive dad and mentally ill mom? Who knew he spent some time in juvie for stealing food, because his family was starving? When Alex’s younger brother, Aaron, arrives on the scene, with an umbilical hernia that requires surgery, and no health insurance to boot, all of these little known facts rise to the surface. And yet, Alex still managed to become a doctor and send checks home to his family every month. In the words of Miranda Bailey, “I am impressed” (and a little turned on).
Playing the part of Alex’s blue collar baby bro, Jake McLaughlin did a fabulous job of making his character instantly likeable and relatable. He somehow managed to be both farm-boy polite and intensely masculine, at the same time. When Christina called Aaron “Angel Spawn” to Karev’s “Evil Spawn,” you, as the viewer, totally understood why.
Alex, of course, was none too happy with his Baby Bro for sharing all of this information with his colleagues. Aaron, for his part, was extremely hurt to learn that Alex (1) had gotten married and NOT invited his family to the wedding; (2) had a wife with cancer; and (3) was getting a divorce. The two manly men threw down, right in the middle of Seattle Grace. And I know we were supposed to be upset and saddened by this. But I LOVE a good boyfight (so sexy), and cheered in spite of myself.
Fortunately, Aaron’s surgery goes off without a hitch. And the two brothers ultimately bond with one another, as Alex explains that he needs to stay away from his family in order to continue to support them financially. In a super sweet moment that nearly brought a tear to my eye, Alex told Aaron that Little Bro had turned out to be a “good guy.” Awwww . . .
Bereavement sucks . . .
In the chief medical storyline of the evening, a wife with cancer suffered a stroke that left her in a vegetative state, following surgery. Because she had signed a DNR-type document, Seattle Gracers were forced to pull the plug on this woman, against the wishes of her husband, who refused to accept her death. The whole thing was pretty heartbreaking and intensely hard to watch. So as not to further depress myself, that’s all I’m going to say about that . . .
Broken People Suck Too . . .
When Arizona described Owen as a mopey guy who never smiled, she WASN’T kidding. Owen Hunt spent all of last week’s episode miserable, and all, but about two seconds, of this one (Dude DOES seem to enjoy cooking . . .:)) in the same sorry state. Don’t get me wrong, Kevin McKidd is giving spectularly complex performances week after week. But the writers REALLY NEED to slip some Happy Pills into this character’s coffee, pronto!
When the episode opens, Owen is all distracted, mopey and PTSD-y, after last week’s traumatic war flashback revisit. However, he refuses to talk to Christina about it and balks at the idea of returning to therapy. Teddy, who can sort of relate to what Owen is going through, having worked on the battle field herself, desperately wants to help Owen, but fears intruding on his relationship with Christina. When Christina makes a mistake during surgery, and Owen freaks out on her, Teddy advises Christina not to demand too much from Owen at this time.
Later, when Owen becomes angered over a cooking mishap, and Christina instinctively shrinks from him in fear, Owen finally admits he has a problem and agrees to get help.
Banging a.k.a. “Pounding the Cake”
Sloan and Teddy had some sex during this episode. They repeatedly described it as “mindblowing,” but it kinda looked lukewarm to me. I just don’t see the chemistry between these two. Plus, it’s OBVIOUS that Teddy still has the hots for Owen. And McSteamy remains hung up on Lexie. In other (more important) news, I learned a kickass new euphemism for sex.
“Pounding the cake” . . . I just KNOW this one is going to come in handy one day (possibly during next week’s recap?)
Welcome to Bat-Sh&t Crazytown – Population: April
“I refuse to be ignored, McDreamy.”
OK, so I found April’s behavior during this episode to be completely bizarre. Apparently, many of you felt the same way, because my blog was just crawling with “April and Derek” searches, even before I posted this blog entry (and even before I had watched this episode). Let’s see: there were those eerily creepy wide-eyed stares she gave him every time he passed her way, the evil looks she shot Meredith, whenever the latter and Derek were acting lovey-dovey, the abrupt way she left the room in tears after Derek’s speech to the comatose patient’s husband, and her overly defensive response to Lexie when she was called out on her “crush.”
Now, if this was any other show, my first guess as to what was going on here would be that the Mean Ole Sort-of Married Doctor is having a forbidden affair with his young resident. But I don’t think this is the case here. After all, Shondra Rhimes KNOWS that if she makes Derek into a cheater after ALL this time (with a former MERCY WESTER no less), “Mer and Der” shippers will literally burn down her house!
The next, most logical, explanation would be that April’s character is merely in the throes of innocent puppy love. In such case, the bizarro creepiness element to it all, would be merely the result of bad over-acting. However, I am already familiar with Sarah Drew’s work. And I happen to know that this actress is a Total Pro when it comes to subtly portraying the agony of unrequited love. I watched her do it during teen drama, Everwood, where she played the shy and bookish Hannah, who was suffering from a crush on a boy that she was certain was miles out of her league . . .
And she pulled it off again on Mad Men, as a wife who knows in her heart that she is married to a closeted homosexual, who will never return her romantic affections . . .
Nope. My guess is that Sarah Drew’s bizarre portrayal of April during this episode was intentional. After all, this wouldn’t be the first time, the actress has played the role of a creepy obsessed psycho stalker. Anyone else remember her guest-starring role in Glee as the Bat Sh*t Crazy, Teacher Devouring, Susie Pepper?
Something tells me that THIS storyline is FAR from over . . .
“I am dressed like this, and all you want to do is talk about your ‘feelings’? Seriously?”
Watching Grey’s Anatomy tonight was like reading one of those relationship advice columns they put in the back of fashion magazines: there was tons of psychobabble, a few choice one-liners, and virtually NO ACTION! (Save for a single hot — but way too PG for my taste — Bailey and Gasman smooch, buried at the back end of the episode.)
Playing the part of “Dear Abby” this week was Callie, who, like the aforementioned relationship columnist, sagely dealt out bite-sized morsels of free advice to her colleagues throughout the episode, until she found herself in a lovers’ quandary of her own . . .
So, without further adieu, let’s take a look at the lonelyhearts letters that found their way into Callie’s inbox during this episode . . .
Dear Callie,
My character has been an insufferable hypocritical tool for about a half-dozen episodes now. First, I dumped my significantly younger girlfriend for an inconsequential guest star my daughter. Then, I traveled to Private Practice LA and boinked a friend of mine, but bitched out my ex when she did the same thing. Finally, I continue to berate and threaten my ex’s sort-of new beau for having the gall to screw MY WOMAN, even though I am currently screwing the entire nurse’s staff in the on-call room. How should the writers go about redeeming me to the viewers?
Sincerely,
Dr. McSteamy Turdface
In the episode’s opening moments, Mark Sloan a.k.a McSteamy is working out his pectorals, like a man, and whining about his loneliness, like a cranky toddler. Callie suggests that Sloan find himself an age-appropriate woman, and begin a mature adult relationship with her. She reasons that such a relationship will enable Sloan to, ultimately, get married and produce an army of little baby Sloans, all with excellent hair and a talent for bedding members of the opposite sex.
Sloan sets his sights on Teddy, to whom he has said maybe two words, since she has first appeared on the show.
“Well . . . you’ve f&#ked every other character on this show. I guess it’s my turn . . .”
Initially, the spunky, but highly socially awkward, Teddy literally laughs in Sloan’s face when he asks her out. However, a few choice words from Arizona cause the Cardio God to reconsider. “Mark is like candy,”Arizona offers. “You eat it and then you forget about it.” In other words . . .
Teddy takes Arizona’s advice, and tells Sloan she would like to meet him after work for drinks (and a late night game of “hide the salami”). But Teddy balks again when Sloan suggests “dinner.” After all, dinner with Sloan sounds less like a piece of candy that you suck on and forget, and more like a 16 oz. rib eye steak that’s tough to chew, full of bones, and often ends up stuck in your teeth afterward.
Not a lollipop . . .
At the episode’s conclusion, Sloan makes his third and final offer: lunch. Sloan explains he wants to date Teddy in broad daylight to make sure she is not a vampire, because he would ultimately like to get married and have lots of babies. (Yeah, I didn’t really get it either . . .)
If a man I barely knew asked me out on a first date, by babbling on about marriage and children, you know what my response would be?
But, maybe that’s just me . . . Teddy actually seemed kind of turned on by the whole thing. Go figure!
Dear Callie,
It has been a LONNNNGGGG time since I last went on a date. To give you a better idea of just how long it has been, I have enclosed a photograph of the outfit I wore on my last date:
In fact, the only person I have ever had sex with in my entire life was my ex-husband. Now I am dating this total studmuffin. Tonight is my THIRD DATE (and you know what that means . . .). Not only do I have no clue how to raise the “sex issue,” I’m also really scared of sleeping with him too soon. After all, he is leaving the show soon to star in a stupid Shondra Rhimes pilotI don’t want to get hurt. What should I do?
Very truly yours,
Frightened of Fornicating
Chandra Wilson was absolutely adorable during this episode: asking Callie to pick up condoms for her, because she was too embarrassed to do it herself, dodging Chief Shephard when he asked her about her lunchtime appointment, and freaking out at the suggestion of getting a Brazilian wax in preparation for her date (I too have had the “surgical field” conversation with my girlfriends. It happens to be quite a divisive issue among the female population.)
At the end of the episode, Bailey and Gasman have their iconic third date at his house. I loved how Gasman called Bailey out on her incessant monologues, and how she tends to use them as a defense mechanism to keep others at bay. I also thoroughly enjoyed the new couple’s sex talk. Sure, it sounded like something directly out of an After-School Special, but these two talented actors made the stilted dialogue work well. What the heck is Shondra Rhimes doing, making us fall for this man, only to steal him away, once we become truly attached to him? Shame on her!
Dear Callie,
I REALLY NEED to win the Harper Avery Award! It’s been kind of a crappy year for me. I just got back from rehab, and my new pipsqueak of a boss keeps kicking me while I’m down, and reminding me of my new lower status in the medical world. If I won the Avery Award, I could rub it in his pretty boy face. How do I get that award, dammit?
Sincerely,
Former Dr. McBoozy (Future Avery Award winner?)
I know it sounds terrible to say this, but the whole massive tumor storyline was neither particulary unique nor interesting. (The actor and actress potraying the husband and wife pair grappling with a terminal illness, did a great job, however). I’m also getting a bit tired of the constant medical one-upmanship aspect of the show.
I’d be a bit concerned if I checked into a hospital where all the doctors ever did was show off their techniques for one another and screw each other in the on-call room, instead of ummm . . . you know, trying to make me healthy? And why does every technique these doctors perform have to be “new” and “never done before.” What happened to the basics of healing?
In short, Owen’s and Richard’s fight to care for the right to operate on the massive tumor patient was lame. As was Derek’s excuse for choosing Owen’s “fly by the seat of my pants” technique for the surgery over Richard’s methodical one. What made this storyline bearable was Cristina Yang.
I love how she played these two men off of one another for her own personal gain. I also enjoyed her little dig at Dr. Hotness Jackson Avery for talking up his grandfather’s purportedly altruistic reasons for creating the award in question. “This has been a message from the Harper Avery Foundation . . .” – classic!
Also, classic was Meredith’s threatening Owen, after she caught him acting jealous of Sloan for dating Teddy, when he is SUPPOSED to be involved with Cristina. “[Christina] is part of my team,” asserted Meredith. “Hurt her and I’ll kick your ass!”
While Meredith proved herself to be a loyal friend to Cristina, she was significantly less of one to her half-sister Lexie. Big Grey merely stared at her sibling, dumbfounded, when Lexie broke down in tears in the bathroom, upon realizing that Sloan was moving on, and that she was not yet over him. Would a pat on the back have been too much to ask for?
Clearly, Meredith never owned one of these, as a child . . .
In other news, Arizona, Perky Patron of all things Pediatric, does not want children EVER, but Callie does, and that biological clock is just ticking away. I smell trouble brewing on the horizon for these two . . .
Does this mean we can’t watch Saturday morning cartoons in bed together anymore?
So what did you think of this episode? Are you happy about the prospective Teddy / Sloan coupling? Will jealousy make Owen reevaluate his feelings for Teddy and Christina? Can Bailey and Gasman possibly make it work when they are on two different television shows? How do YOU prepare your “surgical field” for date three?
Remember back when Grey’s Anatomy was a HAPPY show, one filled with hot cast members, snappy one-liners, and adorable on-call room hijinks? A show that was light on the medical mysteries but SUPER HEAVY on the sex? That was the Grey’s I loved . . . the one that made me squeal with delight, as I settled in front of the television, every Thursday night, for my weekly dosage of McDreamy goodness.
As the seasons progressed, however, I started to see less and less of that Grey’s. Eventually, I began to wonder whether I would ever see it again . . .
But just as I was about to write off the series as being past its prime, Grey’s goes and airs an episode like this one. It was a feel-good episode, one where doctors joked with and smiled at one another, and the patients you cared about actually survived. During “Perfect Little Accident,” our favorite Grey’s characters didn’t just get screwed, they got lucky. Everybody came out a winner last night, the fans included.
It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, just thinking about it . . .
So, without further adieu, let’s let the happy healing begin, shall we?
Happy Vah-jay-jay Day!
At least at Seattle Grace, yesterday was a great day NOT to have a weiner . . .
“Hey! I resemble that remark!”
During “Perfect Little Accident,” it was the women who scored, both in the ER and in the bedroom. Throughout the hour, the members of the fairer sex uttered the funniest lines, doled out the best advice, and had the most fun. In short, “Perfect Little Accident” was just chock full of GIRL POWER!
Hey look! It’s Victoria Beckham and . . . those other girls who’s names I can’t remember.
Even the typically mopey Meredith and dour-faced Christina appeared positively perky and well-adjusted last night. Did I mention that the episode ended with a “Girls’ Night,” during which the entire female component of the cast bonded during a lighthearted game of softball? It doesn’t get much more women’s lib-ey than that!
But if I absolutely had to pick a winner for the “luckiest” female character from last night’s episode, Lexie Grey would have taken the prize. Ever since she ditched old fogey Sloan (we’ll get to him in a bit) and dyed her hair blond, Lexie has literally been getting lucky all over the place.
In the episode’s opening moments, Lexie is nude in bed, trying to decide on a seductive pose with which to greet her latest sexcapade partner, Alex the Uber Slut. This seems like a lot of wasted effort to me. After all, a rotten banana could probably seduce Alex without trying that hard . . .
“You’re asking me what my ‘type’ is? Do you have a pulse? Then, we are good to go. Wait . . . no pulse? I’d be willing to negotiate . . .”
(By the way, don’t get me wrong. I love Lexie’s glamorous new look. But don’t you think the makeup department is overdoing it just a bit with her? While the rest of the female doctors on the show sport natural, no-fuss, looks, that appear at home in an ER — lately, Sexy Lexie looks more like she’s ready to attend some snooty awards gala than change a colostomy bag . . .)
Back at the hospital, Meredith and Christina warn Lexie about getting too up-close and personal with Dr. McManWhore. “Emotionally, Alex is like me three years ago,” explains Meredith.
When Lexie assures the girls that she does not have romantic feelings for Alex, neither of them buy it. “Your heart lives in your vagina,” argues Christina (yes, they actually used the word VAGINA on ABC . . . like three times, actually – I was shocked!)
Unlike Nikki from HBO’s Big Love, Lexie has a Happy Vagina, and, likely, a Happy Uterus, as well . . .
Despite the girls’ taunts, Lexie proves herself true to her word. When Alex accuses her of becoming overly emotional, and blabbing about their sex life to her ex — Lexie really lets him have it. “If you can’t handle being used for sex, then, please, just tell me, so I can find a guy who can,” demands Lexie.
Well, that’s all it took. Alex was seduced . . . AGAIN. The pair found an on-call room in which to screw eachother’s brains out, mere seconds later.
Dr. Feel Good
Lexie may have been having the BEST no-frills sex last night, but her ex, Mark Sloan a.k.a Dr. McSteamy, was having the MOST. Within the episode’s hour, he was seen banging a pharmaceutical rep, a nurse, and the daughter of a patient who came in for leg surgery, but ended up getting her hearing fixed by the God of Plastic Surgery, himself (I’m still not quite sure how the latter medical miracle happened, but, as a plot device, I guess it worked).
And yet, despite all the Luuuve, Sloan was the one person in this episode who wasn’t particularly happy. If Lexie’s heart is in her vagina, Sloan’s brain is in his penis. Despite the fact that McSteamy was “spreading his seed” all over the damn place, he still didn’t want his ex Lexie doing the same thing (well, not spreading her seed exactly, because she’s a girl, but . . . oh, never mind!). So Sloan did what all “Real Men” do in situations like this, he whined like a bitch.
“Who you calling a bitch?”
When Sloan wasn’t getting it on with some floozy during this episode, he was callously and immaturely berating fellow male slut, Alex, kicking him out of surgeries, and generally peeing all over him. At the end of the episode, Sloan confronted Alex and sort of apologized for his misbehavior. And, yet, doing so didn’t make him look like any less of a WEINERHEAD.
“OK. Now you’re just making me mad!”
Three’s a Crowd . . . Pleaser
“So, this is what smiling feels like? I like it . . .”
You know who wasn’t a weinerhead at all during this episode? Christina Yang! My girl, Christina, was just filled with mature and well-adjusted awesomeness last night. It all started when she encouraged her boyfriend, Owen, to become friends with Dr. Teddy, even though the latter is obviously still in love with the former. Owen, clearly tired of the awkwardness between him and his former best friend, gratefully complied with Christina’s request, by inviting Teddy over for dinner with Christina and him.
It would appear that the threesome is heading down the road to a healthy and happy friendship, except for the fact that Christina appears to be a bit enamored with Teddy, as well. “I’m in love with Teddy,” Christina admitted to Meredith, in what was an unusually candid moment between the pair. “I can’t help it, my heart is in my scalpel.”
Christina’s realization came after her and Teddy saved the life of a young lung cancer patient, who was seemingly a lost cause, by performing a highly experimental ex vivo lung transplant on him. The process involved taking the damaged lungs of a recently deceased patient and repairing those lungs during the bypass surgery. When it comes to Christina Yang, nothing is more seductive than a complex and high profile surgery. The thrill she experienced as a result of her victory more than made up for the faux pas she committed when misdiagnosing medical legend, Dr. Harper Avery . . .
We Don’t Know Jackie . . .
. . . but we wish we did!
. . . and we fear we may never get the chance!
Christina wasn’t the only doctor who got a bit tongue-tied when Dr. Avery, a surgeon so famous they named an award after him, arrived at the hospital, as a patient. Most of the staff at Seattle Grace appeared to be just a bit starstruck by this brilliant, if slightly pompous and ornery, man. (The role was handled with aplomb by the inimitable Chelcie Ross, who you may remember as the successful, but slightly pompous and ornery, Conrad Hilton on Mad Men).
“I thought your grandchild’s name was Paris?”
Unlike the rest of the staff, Jackson Avery (a.k.a Pretty Boy, a.k.a. the Hotness Monster, a.k.a the only Mercy Wester I can actually stomach) was far from starstruck by the legend’s arrival. Instead, he was annoyed and uncomfortable. After all, Dr. Harper Avery is none other than Jackson’s grandfather. And Jackson would like nothing more than to live outside of his Pop Pop’s admittedly large shadow. To further complicate matters, Dr. Avery (1) needed surgery; (2) wished for it to be performed on him while he was still awake; (3) and wanted the newly sober Dr. Webber to perform the procedure during his first non-Chief day back on the job.
Nu-Chief Shepherd was adamantly against the idea, but Webber seemed determined to go through with it. Off they rushed to the Operating Room, with Jackson and Meredith Grey (herself no stranger to having to live up to the medical legacy of a famous, but obnoxious relative) both providing assistance. Apparently, Avery is just as big of a pain in the ass on the operating table as off it. The dude just WOULD NOT shut up!
More like a sports caster than a patient, Avery felt the need to detail the play-by-play of his surgery to the doctors performing it. Knowing that Meredith was Ellis Grey’s daughter, he interrogated her regarding whether she would accept a prestigious medical internship from her now-deceased mother, an option Jackson turned down, when it was offered to him by his grandfather. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Dr. Avery went as far as to critique the type of tools Webber was using to perform the surgery.
Although the initial surgery appeared to go off without a hitch, Dr. Avery experienced some adverse reactions during recovery. Webber, fearing that he had botched surgery on a legend, offered to step back from the case, before Avery went under the knife a second time. However, Nu-Chief Shepherd wouldn’t have it. Believing that regaining confidence in his surgical abilities would help ensure Webber’s continued sobriety, Shepherd urged Webber to get back on the proverbial horse, and complete the surgery himself.
Ultimately, the doctors learned that Dr. Avery’s post-surgical complications were the result of his being allergic to the surgical tools that he, himself, had demanded that Dr. Webber use. Thus, it was Dr. Avery who effectively botched his own surgery, not Webber. Fortunately, the second surgery was a successful one. After it, Meredith confrontedJackson, urging him to make peace with his grandfather, study with him, and learn from him, all things that Meredith never got the chance to do with her mother . . .
NOOOOOO! Don’t leave me Doctor Hotness! Let Grandpa Avery take your annoying and sniveling Mercy West friends instead . . .
Here’s my issue with Meredith’s “sage advice.” A couple of reliable entertainment sources have informed me that TWO former Mercy West doctors will be leaving the show ASAP. Since Sarah Drew’s character, April, JUST returned a couple of weeks ago, the actress will likely stick around for at least a little while longer. That leaves three other possibilities for the imminent departures:
. . . this girl . . .
. . . this guy AND
Dr. Hotness.
Two will go, but only ONE will stay. Who will it be?
It’s probably no secret, by now, which one I want to keep around. And yet, Dr. Hotness can’t very well be hanging around Seattle Grace while “learning” and “training” under Grandpa Conrad Hilton Harper Avery, now can he?
Here’s hoping that this article is correct, which would mean that I am worrying myself over nothing. Because, if things don’t go my way, I might just feel the need to send Shondra Rhimes the fashion accessory shown below:Any questions?
Well, that was our show! What did you think? Are you a fan of the Christina, Owen and Teddy threesome? Do you like Lexie’s new super-coiffed Surgical Barbie look? Are you as freaked out by the prospect of a Dr. Hotness departure as I am?
Any questions?
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