Konnichiwa, Werebangers! This past week, on a heavily Eastern Mythology-inspired episode of Teen Wolf, Scott and Kira read a children’s book together . . .
“I’m not a great reader. But I’m very good at looking at pictures.”
Isaac dressed up like one of the bad guys from The Matrix . . .
Lydia . . . did nothing, because she wasn’t in the episode.
And in earth-shattering, climactic news, Stiles . . .
. . . killed a firefly.
Perhaps, more than any episode in the 3B block, “Silverfinger” was, at its heart, an origin story. Nothing fleshes out a hero more than a Great Origin Story. It shows us what drives and motivates this character . . . how he came to be the living, breathing entity you are watching on screen.
But what about the Villain? Too often writers don’t care enough about their villains to give them a satisfactory Origin Story. Rather, their motivations for wreaking havoc are hastily explained in the moments before their demise at the hands of the hero.
Writers neglect their villains at their peril. Because the viewing public loves a solid villain, one with specific dreams, goals and disappointments, beyond the usual “Plans for World Domination.” Cool villains like the The Joker, Loki, and Magneto make their protagonist counterparts more interesting, and their inevitable final encounters more epic. In short, it’s the ultimate love / hate relationship . . . a twisted romance of sorts.
Now, I’m not saying that the Oni and Nogitsune we met this week, are particularly well fleshed out yet. I mean, we aren’t even sure what the latter looks like. And though there are five of the former, we still can’t tell them apart . . .
kind of like those pesky not-so-Alpha twins. Yet both of these baddies, actually have fairly solid motivations for doing what they do.
The Oni are kind of like cops. As far as they are concerned, the Nogitsune is seriously bad dude, a dark spirit that infects society with evil. Is it so wrong them, for these guys to hunt it down and try to destroy it? I mean, they are even learning from past mistakes and trying to minimize harm. Back in the day, they used to just kill everybody, in hopes that one of them would be the Nogitsune.
“In hindsight, we might have overreacted just a bit.”
But now they test people first. If they aren’t evil, they get a nice little neck tattoo and can go on their merry way. That’s a pretty humane practice for a bunch of so-called super villains? Don’t you think?
As for the Nogitsune, we’re told he’s this awful guy. But so far, all he’s been doing is hiding from the Oni and trying his best to stay alive. Wouldn’t each of us do the same thing, if some pesky fire fly guys were trying to kill us?
See . . . it’s all a matter of perspective, folks. Let’s keep that in mind as we review, shall we?
[As always, special thanks to my Evil Genius Screencapper Andre,who is deftly plotting his path toward World Domination, one screenshot of shirtless men at a time . . .]
A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends . . .
When Papa Argent first encountered the Oni (i.e. the new word we learned this week for the Firefly Guys), he wasn’t the badass Mr. Mom he is today. Rather, he was a strapping young arms dealer, just trying to please his old man, by striking a deal with the Japanese Mafia.
“I’m way too attractive not to get my own prequel . . .”
Enter the Oni, whose idea of successfully closing a deal is killing everyone on the other side of it.
“Say hello to your intestines leaking out of your body.”
What a waste of some seriously swanky suits!
And then there was one left . . . and, as luck would have it, he was the one the Oni were searching for all along.
“I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and bright. And I pity any yakuza who isn’t me tonight!”
This one supposedly had a dark spirit inside of him, and some awesome magical powers. But the only thing “impressive” I saw about him was impossibly large teeth and some bad cataracts. He growled and made a lot of noise, but ultimately Nogitsune 1 died without putting up much of a fight.
“When are people going to learn that throwing your arms out and embracing the world pretty much guarantees you aren’t going to make it out of the end credits alive.”
Or did he? Because I have this sneaking suspicion that a very important part of this story is missing. And the Ole Horse Teeth was nothing more than a pawn in the Real Nogitsune’s game . . .
But, of course, we can forgive Papa Argent for being a bit hazy on the details. After all, he was young (and hot) and spent most of the experience peeing himself behind a rock . . .
Then Young Papa Argent shot an Oni in the mask, and learned he had no face, which pretty much makes the Oni the Japanese Cousins of the soul-sucking Dementors from Harry Potter . . .
This little distraction allowed Little Papa Argent to escape . . .
Not satisfied with Papa Argent’s explanation of the leather suit-wearing freaks currently trying to murder them all, the Scooby Gang decide to gather additional intel from some old bald Japanese Yoda-like guy, who conveniently also survived the great Yakuza Massacre of 1980 something . . .
The problem, of course, is the last time Papa Argent attempted to find Beacon Hills Yoda, he kind of / sort of got his ass kicked . . .
So, being a Good Dad, Papa Argent does what any self-respecting father would do . . . he sends the guy who wants to bone his daughter directly into harms way, to do his dirty work for him!
It’s actually a pretty crafty idea, if you think about it. I mean, either way, the Elder Argent eliminates a threat . . . though the latter threat is only to his daughter’s panties . . .
Beauty and the Beast
Awww how sweet! After a night of battling Oni, Kira rode home on the back of Scott’s motorcycle, he showed her his goofy-looking wolf face, and she fondled it, and thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world, thus proving that this girl REAAAALLLY needs to get out more . . .
In other romance news, Ethan and Aiden stalk Scott on their matching motorcycles and tell him that they will stay loyally glued to his side forever and ever, or until he gets eaten and brutally murdered by Oni, whichever comes first. I smell a werewolf threesome!
I guess there are some folks who were born to always be minions to “The Hottest Girl.”
Now, while I’m not entirely sold on the twins as individual characters, I’m actually not minding the idea of them as part of Scott’s pack. After all, up to this point, Scott’s Scooby Gang basically consisted of Allison (weaponry), Lydia (annoying screaming / death detection), Stiles (brains), and Isaac (?). Every good pack needs a little muscle power . . . no matter how empty the heads that come attached to those muscle bags might be. And Ethan and Aiden, they give good muscle (and good bone), if nothing else . . .
Speaking of Stiles’ brains, they are beginning to look a bit less like hard boiled eggs, and a bit more like scrambled ones, with each passing week . . .
This is your brain on Nogitsune . . .
Scott wants to warn Stiles about the Oni. But Stiles is too freaked out that someone had the nerve to erase his chalkboard encoded murder message to Barrow about Kira. That same someone has stolen his key to the chemistry closet. Hey Stiles, ever heard the phrase, “Take a picture. It lasts longer . . .”?
Maybe, next time, Kira will let you borrow her camera phone . . .
For his part, Scott is fairly confident that his best friend is not a love-interest murdering sociopath. But, in all fairness, Scott and Stiles haven’t been spending all that much time together of late. As for Scott, he’s been kind of busy swatting fireflies and eating mouthfuls of wasabi with his new girlfriend, the fox. Meanwhile, Stiles has been making out with random bisexuals, going on investigation missions with his gal Friday Lydia, and, most recently enduring the horrors of a life that has become a perpetual waking nightmare.
Scott and Stiles have been so out of sync lately, that Scott has barely had time to tell Stiles all about his most recent Oni encounters. This is a shame, because we all know that demon-possessed or not, Stiles would have been all up in that amazing opportunity for Nerd Research . . .
Though not necessarily wise enough to retain evidence of his own serial killing tendencies, Stiles is smart enough to seek the help of a medical professional when he’s about to go full-on nutso. He visits Mama McCall because she is clearly the only professional left alive in Beacon Hills hospital. Being a mom first, and a nurse second, Mama McCall is loath to get Stiles any more riled up than he already is about the potential severity of his condition, before she knows what exactly is wrong with him. And so, she diagnoses Stiles with “being sleepy, very sleepy,” shoots him up with some hospital-grade Ambien and shuffles the young lad off into Dream Land . . .
. . . which is precisely the place where all Stiles’ troubles began in the first place.
“Thanks, Mom,” indeed . . .
In the “After Show,” Holland Rhoden suggested that Stiles half-asleep referral to Scott’s mother as “Mom,” is a foreshadowing of sorts . . .
I’m going to take her word for it. But, foreshadowing (and Mama McCall’s questionable medical tactics) aside, I actually think it was a very sweet, quiet, authentic moment between these two characters. After all, why wouldn’t Stiles, whose spent at least the past few years of his young life without a mother, experience feelings of warmth and parental gratitude toward a woman he has known since he was a very small child and trusts very much, who has tucked him into bed, and is lovingly caressing his forehead as he drifts off into some much-desired sleep?
As for Stiles’ biological mom, it appears, based on some quick research on the part of Mama McCall that she experienced the same symptoms as Stiles shortly before her own death, which actually dovetails quite well with my trusty ole Brain Tumor Theory.
However, based on the last few moments of the episode, something a bit more supernaturally sinister may, in fact, be afoot here . . .
Why it’s bad to take selfies on your dad’s computer . . .
Agent McCall / Daddy Douche, tech savvy scamp that he is, apparently installed some security function on his computer that takes pictures of people other than him that try to use it. And while I’d say, just password protecting the darn thing would be a heck of a lot more efficient /effective. Doing it this way, does make it that much harder for the intruder in question to deny his guilt. Not to mention the fact that secret selfies are just hilarious. Because who doesn’t look super goofy, while they are staring into a computer screen?
Anywhoo, Daddy Douche wants answers. So off he tromps to his son’s house to get them.
Meanwhile DARKNESS IS COMING . . .
Isaac Plays Dress-up
Sure Daddy Argent, dress your daughter’s boyfriend up in a penguin suit and send him into a scary warehouse filled with roid-raging bouncer types with really bad manicures under the pretense of selling some old gun. Sounds like a great idea!
Because Isaac is not a total moron, he’s a bit conflicted about the whole “entering the jaws of death” thing. So, Allison puts her tongue down his throat and makes him grab her ass, and suddenly everything is totally cool! (Everyone claims Allison is totally human. But I’m not so sure. Clearly she has a Magical Vajayjay.)
As Isaac yammers on about stuff he knows nothing about, the Argents easily work their way through the lamest excuse for security ever. Then Mr. Clean tells Isaac the true story about the weapon he’s “selling,” turns out it was used by one Argent to shoot another one, before he could turn into a werewolf, back in the day.
Pretenses tossed away, Isaac and Mr. Clean both show their fangs to one another, while, upstairs, Papa Argent reunites with Silverfinger for the first time in 24 years . . .
Silver Finger . . .
Missing a Finger . . .
Mr. Miyagi from Karate Kid is more than happy to explain to the Teen Wolf audience the mystery of the Firefly Guys. They are Oni, demon warriors traveling through the darkness in search of one being possessed by a dark spirit, the Nogitsune, a form of kitsune. They sift through individuals with supernatural auras, marking them with an S, once they have determined they are still themselves. And once they find their target, they will kill everyone in their way to reach him or her.
Mr. Miyagi politely thanks Papa Argent for saving his life all those years ago. Then, he warns the werewolf hunter that if he finds the Nogitsune he should kill it, “even if it is his own daughter . . . or that goofy kid that hangs out with her daughter’s wolfy boyfriends . . .”
Meanwhile, Scott and co. are back at his house, learning about the Oni the hard way . . .
It’s an Oni Slumber Party!
Scott, that horndog, somehow convinces Kira that the place she will be safest for the night is right in his bed . . .
So, Kira does what any girl would do when she finds herself in a sexual situation with the boy she likes. She . . . pulls out a children’s picture book about kitsune and reads to him.
Dear Sweet Kira. Didn’t you get the memo? You’re on MTV, home of sexed up series like The Jersey Shore, Teen Mom, and about six shows starring Snooki . . .
Sesame Street is two studios down . . .
Scott’s and Kira’s playdate soon gets rudely interrupted by Agent McCall, who is piping mad about Scott and Kira getting their grubby pawprints all over his MacBook Air. Then, Scott’s mom comes home. And this place is starting to get more crowded by the second.
Honestly, for me, the funniest part of the episode, was when the CLEARLY DEMONIC AND SUPERNATURAL Oni materializes in the kitchen, and Scott’s dad’s response is not “AHHHHHHHH!!!”
Or, “HOLY F*&K! WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?”
As most normal people would react. Rather, he’s all, “Who is this tall, poorly dressed gentleman? He is clearly not on the lists of people I approved for you and your mother to hang out with, before I abandoned you both years ago?”
Doofy Papa McCall then walks toward the Oni like he’s actually going to ARREST HIM . . .
So, of course he gets a sword in his belly for his trouble . . .
With Papa McCall out of commission and Mama McCall tending to his wounds, this were-house party can really get started. Enter Twins . . .
And Derek . . .
And MORE ONIS . . .
It’s like the blacklight party all over again, minus all the body paint and bad choices!
Mama McCall gains her hero wings by temporarily ejecting the Oni from her home using . . . you guessed it . . . Everybody’s Favorite Magical Plot Device . . .
Buuuuuut then they get in anyway . . .
Allison conveniently calls Scott just in time to tell him that, provided he and his girlfriend are not totally evil, the Oni are just there to give them both nice neck tattoos. So, chill out!
And so, hands clasped, Scott and Kira meet the Oni head on and prepare to receive their brands . . .
. . . which they do. So, the Onis disappear . . . in search of their real target.
That was easy.
Eat Stiles’ Dust, Firefly Guy!
In the hospital, Stiles awakens to find everybody gone. He wanders sleepily into a lonely dark corridor, just as the McCall family wheel in douchey daddy on a gurney.
Then the Oni come to give Stiles his tattoo . . .
But we all know how Stiles feels about tattoos . . .
So, when the Oni moves to give him one he RIPS OUT THE ONI’S FIREFLY SOUL WITH HIS BARE HANDS, INSTANTLY KILLING THEM ALL . . .
It’s a miracle! Stiles is a hero! Yay Stiles!
Oh . . . wait . . . that means he’s evil. Oops!
Then, Scott comes in and Stiles acts like he’d didn’t just do something totally awesome and bad ass, which is not like Stiles at all.
Because everyone knows if the REAL Stiles defeated a villain, he’d be acting like this . . .
And this . . .
Not like this . . .
Consider myself officially freaked out by you, Stiles Stilinski . . .
(You know that Grinch Gif is actually really frightening if you look at it for too long . . . )
Next week on Teen Wolf. . . AHHHHHH STILES NOOOOOOO!
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Until next time, Werebangers!