A 2010 Musical Gleeview – My Picks for Glee’s Top Ten Musical Moments from Season 2 (so far)

New Year’s Eve is a time for getting so wasted that you forget your own name reflection.  As 2010 comes to a close, many of us will undoubtedly spend time crying into our tenth glass of champagne    making out with that dude in the corner with the tongue ring  looking back on the past year, and seeing how it “measures up” to previous years.  And I’ll be the first one to admit that all the gut checking and personal evaluation that we tend to do during these last few days of the year .  . . well . . . it kind of sucks. 

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But you know what doesn’t suck . . . evaluating TV shows, instead! 🙂

If you read entertainment magazines at all, or just spend time talking to TV viewers, you probably already know that Glee, while still a ratings darling, in every sense of the word, has, for many, fallen short of the high expectations it created for itself, during its spectacular premiere season.  (That vastly overused term “Sophomore Slump” has even been bandied about.)  And while I agree with a lot of the criticisms that have recently been lodged against the show, I still think that Glee gave us fans a lot to love this year . . .

But I’m going to talk about the musical performances, instead. 😉

What follows are (in no particular order) my picks for the Top Ten Musical Moments from the first half of Glee’s second season:

(1) “One Love” – Puck Puckerman and Artie Abrams (originally sung by Bob Marley)

One of my biggest complaints about the second season of Glee had to do with its CRIMINAL underuse of my FAVORITE character on the show, Mark Salling’s Bad Ass Bully with a Heart of Gold, Puck.  Yes, I do realize that Mark Salling was absent from the show for a few episodes, while he was promoting his own album.  But would it have KILLED the writers to throw the poor guy a bone or two, in the storyline department?  Wasn’t it bad enough they took his girlfriend, Quinn, away, and inexplicably paired her with that Macauley Culkin-look alike?

But I digress.  Puck’s single solo of the season thus far, came in the form of a mellow Bob Marley cover, sung while strumming on an acoustic guitar, during lunchtime, at McKinley High.  At first blush, one would think that Salling’s Puck and Kevin McHale’s Artie would be an odd choice to sing this particular duet.  Yet, Puck’s rebel mystique and crushed velvet voice  complimented Kevin McHale’s Artie’s Elvis Costello-esque geek chic mystique surprisingly well.  See for yourself!

You see?  A little Puck can go a LONG way in making this blogger happy! 🙂

 

(2) “Forget You” – Holly Holiday (originally sung by Cee Lo)

Initially, when I read that (1) the often stodgy-seeming Gwyneth Paltrow would be guest starring on Glee, to promote her star turn in the upcoming music-heavy film, Courtry Strong; and (2) she would be performing a neutered version of Cee Lo’s “F*&k You,” (a song who’s success is largely based on its ingenious pairing of an innocent Motown backbeat with highly explicit lyrics) I was extremely skeptical.  Yet, when the actual episode aired, I was surprised by the inherent likeability and youthful energy Paltrow put into the Holiday character.  And “Forget You,” while admittedly no where near as awesome as the original “F*&k You,” was fun and compulsively watchable in its own unique way.  After all, Cee Lo’s version of the song doesn’t feature Heather Morris’ Brittany doing “The Robot,” in time with the music!

Check it out!

(3) “Sweet Transvestite” – Mercedes Jones (originally sung by Tim Curry)

Speaking of neutered versions of racy songs that surprisingly didn’t suck on Glee . . . many Rocky Horror Picture Show fans were initially up in arms, upon hearing that Glee writers chose a FEMALE to play the iconic Dr. Frank-N-Furter (a role made famous by actor, Tim Curry, in the original film, thirty-five years earlier) in their incarnation of the cult-classic musical.  And yet, while the bizarre way the show’s writers chose to censor this song boggles my mind (She couldn’t say “transsexual?”  But “transvestite” was OK?), as Mercedes, Amber Riley put a clever twist on the well-loved song, giving it a spunky feminine naughtiness that was entirely her own . . .

(4) “Teenage Dream” – Blaine and the Warblers (originally sung by Katy Perry)

Going along with my “if you want to change the entire meaning of a song, simply change the sex of the singer” theme, I was super impressed by Darren Criss’ Blaine and his Dalton Academy Warbler’s rendition of Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” in Glee‘s sixth episode, entitled “Never Been Kissed.”  While the original song is poppy, syrupy sweet, and generally “girlicious,” this Glee version is old-school snappy (something you could picture Frank Sinatra or Sammy Davis Jr. singing), thought-provoking, and, yes, VERY, VERY GAY. 

(Then again, that last characteristic may have more to do with the Warblers — in their Harry Potter Gryffindor robes, singing about “skintight jeans,” and dancing like Carlton from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air — than with the song itself.)

(5)  “Just the Way You Are” – Finn Hudson (originally sung by Bruno Mars)

In the eighth episode of Glee‘s second season, entitled “Furt,” Kurt’s dad, Burt, and Finn’s mom, Carol, got married amongst the entire cast of Glee and some underpaid extras  family and friends.  During the reception, in a sweet and highly emotional moment, Finn, who, up to this point had always been kind of a homophobe, embraced (both literally and metaphorically) his new homosexual stepbrother, Kurt, by dedicating the above-referenced Bruno Mars song to him.  The result was a poignant and uplifting musical extravaganza that you can witness in its entirety here.

(6) “Me Against the Music” – Brittany S. Pearce and Santana Lopez (originally sung by Britney Spears and Madonna)

In contrast to the previously listed songs on this countdown — most of which were selected for their unique interpretations of popular music — this musical number was selected due to the obvious appreciation that its creators have for the original version.  When it originally aired, the Britney Spears’ themed “Brittany/Britney” episode of Glee was much maligned for its almost complete lack of a cohesive storyline, and its synthetic (and at times just plain weird) Extended Music Video on Acid (or, perhaps more appropriately, Laughing Gas) quality. 

And yet, it was this episode that was responsible for finally displaying to Glee fans the long hidden talents of Heather Morris.  Who knew the daffy and childlike Brittany had such hot moves, or such a sweet, pop song-friendly voice?  The performance (which was part of a dream sequence, shared by both Brittany, herself, and Naya Rivera’s Santana) is an almost frame-by -rame recreation of the original “Me Against the Music” video, performed by Britney Spears and Madonna.  In this incarnation, Brittany gives a surprising amount of grace and class to the role of pop tart, Spears, while Santana expertly embodies the older, more sophisticated, Madonna.

(7)  “Baby It’s Cold Outside” – Kurt Hummel and Blaine  (originally sung by Everybody and Their Mother)

I’m not usually a fan of Christmas music.  But even I have to admit that Chris Colfer’s Kurt and Darren Criss’ Blaine did a bang-up job of breathing fresh new life into a VERY OVERPLAYED holiday anthem.  Not only does the song look and sound different, because it is being sung by two men (as opposed to a male and a female), it also features an oddly ironic and humorous tone, thanks to Colfer’s and Criss’ playful intonations and liberal use of self-aware facial mugging. 

Kurt and Blaine are sweet with one another, and have an obvious romantic chemistry.  And yet, they aren’t taking themselves or the song too seriously, which I, as a Holiday Song Cynic, found extremely refreshing.  Filmed in the living room-like confines of Dalton Academy’ s study lounge (complete with working fireplace and Yulelog), the mood of the performance is as casual and comforting as its two likeable leads.

(8 ) “Stop in the Name of Love / Free Your Mind” Mashup – The Glee Boys (originally sung by The Supremes – “Stop in the Name of Love” and En Vogue “Free Your Mind”)

Glee‘s mashups tend to be either hit or miss with me.  And, lately, I think the show has started to go a bit overboard with its seemingly compulsive need to throw ANY two completely unrelated songs together just because the producers think it might “sound cool.”  But, for me, this particular mashup REALLY WORKED. 

Who would have thought that a 60’s squeaky clean pop tune like “Stop in the Name of Love” would complement En Vogues’ Angry Anthem for Racial and Sexual Tolerance so well?  The fact that the song is performed as a tribute to one of my new favorite Glee characters, Coach Shannon Beiste . . .

. . . and features the typically ripped t-shirt and leater-clad Puck in a POWDER BLUE SUIT, only adds to its charm!

(9) “Telephone” – Rachel Berry and Sunshine Corazon (originally sung by Beyonce and Lady Gaga)

When Fox started promoting Glee’s Second Season, much press was given to the recent addition of Internet sensation and Filipino pop star Charice to the cast.  The actress had her primetime debut in the first episode of the Second Season.  She played Sunshine Corazon, a 9th grade foreign exchange student with an innocent charming demeanor and a powerful singing voice. 

The Sunshine character was featured in not one, but TWO songs during that episode, which was entitled “Audition.”  During those two performances, she quickly proved herself to be everything she was hyped up to be, and then some.  Then, inexplicably, the character TRANSFERRED SCHOOLS!  She hasn’t been seen or heard from since!  Talk about a TEASE!

“You mean to tell me that I flew halfway across the world for under TWENTY MINUTES of screen time?  WTF?”

Fox’s bait-and-switch tactics notwithstanding, Charice’s Sunshine Corazon, along with Lea Michele’s Rachel Berry, starred in what was, in my opinion, one of the most fun and creative musical performances of the first half of the second season.  I strongly suspect that when Beyonce and Lady Gaga wrote and performed the music video for “Telephone” they never envisioned that one of the most popular covers of the song would be filmed in a high school bathroom! 

“Whatchu talkin’ about, Glee?”

In terms of the song, Lea Michele’s voice complements Charice’s perfectly, as if the two were born to sing together.  But the performance actually made this list for two definitively non-musical reasons: (1) the clever way in which Sunshine’s bubbly cuteness is used to highlight Rachel Berry’s b*tchface, and increasingly grating diva dramatics; and (2) the AWESOME ending of the video, where Jane Lynch’s Sue Sylvester tells the girls to “SHUT UP!”  (You see, while I’m at home, watching Glee on my couch, I tell Rachel Berry to “SHUT UP” at least once, during just about every single episode of Glee!  In that moment, I felt like Sue Sylvester read my mind.)

Either Rachel Berry is really angry at me right now, for making the above comment, or she is just extremely constipated.

In case you are interested in checking out Sunshine Corazon’s also fabulous performance of “Listen” (from the musical Dreamgirls ), which was also featured in this episode, you can find it here.

10) “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” – Kurt Hummel (originally sung by The Beatles)

In an episode entitled “Grilled Cheesus” — which was arguably the most controversial hour in the Glee’s short history — Kurt’s father Burt suffers a heart attack, and falls into a coma.  Burt’s hospitalization calls to the forefront the Glee kids widely varying feelings about God and religion.  Kurt himself just so happens to be an atheist, a fact that deeply troubles some of the more religious characters on the show, who wish to provide him comfort and solace in the only way they know how, through prayer. 

In a Five-Hanky Speech, toward the end of the episode, Kurt explains to his classmates that, while he doesn’t believe in God, he does believe in his father, and the strength of their extremely close relationship.  For him, this worldly relationship surpasses any sort of spiritual one. Kurt then breaks into a sorrowful rendition of The Beatles, “I Wanna Hold Your Hand.” 

As Kurt sings, the performance is intercut with fond memories Kurt has of his father and his childhood.  During those scenes, Young Kurt is played by a 13-year old actor named Adam Kolkin.  The two actors look so much alike, it’s truly shocking that they are not related.  (Way to GO, Casting Directors!  You get a cookie! :))

The cumulative impact of Kurt’s speech, his musical performance, and those heart-wrenching flashback scenes was something that stayed with me, long after the final credits rolled on this episode.

So, there you have it, my Top Ten Musical Moments from the first half of Glee‘s Second Season.  Did I miss any of your favorites? 

[www.juliekushner.com]

Unleash Your Inner “Beiste” – A Recap of Glee’s “Never Been Kissed”

That’s right, Sue Sylvester.  Nobody said “Releasing the Beiste” would be easy!  For example, sometimes it involves seeing things you don’t necessarily want to see . .  .

“Sam Finds His ‘Mailman’ . . . Quinn Gets Revenge!”

Because it wouldn’t be a Season 2 Glee episode, if it didn’t have at least ONE shot of Chord Overstreet in his birthday suit, the episode begins with Finn and Sam in the personal training room, taking baths together . . .

OK . . . that’s not exactly true.  Finn was in a hot bath, and Sam was in an ice cold one.  According to Sam, this was because he wasn’t getting any “somethin-somethin” from his girlfriend, Quinn. 

Correction:  Sam was getting “something,” just not “somethin-somethin,” if you catch my drift .  . .

Therefore, Sam needed the cold bath, in order to “chill out.”

Fortunately for Sam, Finn (who is also getting “something,” but not “somethin-somethin” from Rachel) . . .

 . . . has a slightly less painful method of “chilling out” that he’d like to share with Sam.

Rather than sitting an ice bath, Finn “chills out,” while hooking up with Rachel, by imagining himself mowing down a mailman with his car.

(It’s important to note that when I said it would be “less painful” I meant for Sam, NOT for the Poor Imaginary Mailman .  . .)

Unlike Finn, Sam’s not down with the senseless assault of Imaginary Civil Servants.  He is, however, down for this . . .

Yeah, I didn’t get it either . . .

So, the next time him and Quinn are going at it, Sam starts picturing his football coach, Shannon Beiste, wearing the ONLY outfit his girlfriend has worn, more or less ALL SEASON (except when she’s in a Glee-themed costume).

Seriously!  When are those girls going to take off their uniforms?  Do you know how bad they must smell, by now?

Suddenly, Sam can makeout with his girlfriend for HOURS, without even thinking about sex.  (And that’s pretty darn impressive for a teenage boy!)

The only problem is that, now, Sam has fallen into the habit of calling out the Beiste’s name during Hookup Time with Quinn. 

“Oooooh SAM!  You are in TROUBLE!”

So Quinn — rather than logically assuming that Sam is (1) calling her a “Beast Beneath the Sheets,” or (2) “beast,” as in a synonym for “awesome” — immediately determines that Sam is crushing on his coach.  And so, she turns to Sue Sylvester for help . . .

After getting over the initial shock of imagining a high school boy crushing on her nemesis, Sue comes up with an “ingenious” (and by “ingenious,” I mean, “bizarre and kind of evil”) plan to get rid of Beiste, once in for all.  This plan will “send that Macauley Culkin stunt double back into your waiting arms,” Sue promises Quinn.

Now that you mention it, Sue . . . I do kind of see a resemblance.

They’ve even got that “Shower Thing” in common . . . scary.

Sue’s “Evil Master Plan” is for Quinn to somehow start a rumor that Beiste and Sam are “doing it” . . .

. . . so that Beiste will get fired.

Meanwhile, Tina has been using the “Beiste Technique,” as well, to “cool down,” during her lunch hour Sexy Times with Mike, and his INSANE abs.

You know what?  Just LOOKING at this picture makes me need to cool down . . .

I’m better now . . .

Now, suddenly, Quinn is calling out Beiste in the middle of the hallway for having an affair with her boyfriend, while Mike Chang is telling Beiste to stay away from his girlfriend.  “You crap on my leg, I will cut it off,” retorts the Beiste to her angry detractors!

Huh?

Schue Screws Up Again  (Surprise!)

“Man, I really need to get laid!”

When Mr. Schuester finds out that his kids have been using R-rated mental images of Coach Beiste to cure these . . .

. . . he is appalled!  After all, picturing your teacher in “compromising positions” is just WRONG!

If Beiste found out, her feelings could be REALLY HURT!  Besides, when these kids need “cooling off,” they should do what Will does . . . spank the monkey.

And yet, despite Will’s BIG TALK about how Beiste CAN’T find out about this whole “picturing her during foreplay” thing, because it will “hurt her feelings too much,” what does Will do, the first chance he gets?  He tells Beiste EVERYTHING!

“Oooh, apparently, my Monkey is not the only part of me that’s in serious need of a SPANKING!”

Being an insensitive MORON, Will tries to make everything “all better” for his colleague, by telling her to “not take it personally.”  (Really, Will?  Really?  Because I kind of think it doesn’t get much more personal than THIS.)

WILL:  “Awww, Beiste!  You seem REALLY upset about this!  You need to cool off.  Might I suggest picturing yourself wearing a tutu . . .”

Later, Will learns from a VERY celebratory Sue that Coach Beiste quit McKinley High . . .

“I am Queen of the World School, once again!  Huzzah!”

So, what does Will do?  Well, he blames HIS STUDENTS, of course!

“Well, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle an a**hole!”

Initially, Will demands that his students find away to convince Beiste to come back to McKinley.  However, he then pulls his head out of his ass, and realizes that he is completely partly to blame for her departure.  And so, Will goes to visit Beiste, while she is packing up her things . . .

Beiste Gets Her First Kiss . . .  and her First Serenade . . .

Will begs Beiste not to leave McKinley, because the students “like and respect her.”  Beiste calmly explains to Will that his “compliment,” is the equivalent of telling a girl — who just asked you, if you she think she is pretty — that she has a “really nice personality.”  Beiste further reveals the extent to which she was often teased by her classmates, when she was in highschool.

“All of us are scarred by high school,” insists Will.  “We’re just the only ones stupid enough to come back here.”

Actually “Will,” if this picture is any indication, you were probably pretty popular in high school.  In fact, I’m willing to bet that the only thing that could have “scarred” you there, was, possibly, an excess use of hair gel . . .

On second thought . . .

However, when Beiste admits that she is 40-years old, and has never been kissed, Will COMPLETELY redeems himself, in my eyes, at least, by telling Beiste that she is “beautiful both inside and out.”  He then plants a chaste wet one on her lips.  “And now you’ve been kissed,” he whispers sweetly.

The pair share a heart-warming hug, and then head back to the choir room, where the guys have a special performance prepared for Miss Beiste — one that they hope will convince her to stay at McKinley.  Introducing the performance is Puck . . .

And if THAT doesn’t make you want to stay in school, I don’t know WHAT WILL!

Puck tells Beiste that she is like a Nougat . . .

 .  . . hard and crunchy on the outside, yet soft and sweet on the inside.  In honor of the Beiste, the guys choose to perform a mash-up which possesses those same qualities.  “And we hope that it makes you smile.  Because when you smile, you look so pretty, and it lights up the room,” explains Puck.

Welcome back, Puck!  BOY, have we missed YOU!

The boys belt out a mash-up of the sappy sweet and very old school Stop in the Name of Love, by the Supremes, with the edgier and slightly less old school Free Your Mind, by En Vogue.  The combination of two songs, (which, on the surface, seemed completely mismatched) was actually pretty cool.  And the guys’ performed the hell out of them!  (Even The Beiste seemed touched by the gesture.)

My only minor complaint was with their costume choice.  I might have gone with something a bit more “rock-and-roll,” than the “Jersey Boys Chic” look they ultimately chose.

That’s not “Nougat,” that’s Fluffer Nutter!

The girls’ offered up a rousing mash-up this week too!  Their’s was a combination of Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer, and The Rolling Stones’ Start Me Up.  The result was a performance that was everything an Ode to the 80’s Rock Anthem should be . . . complete with big hair, leather, lots of dark eye makeup, and even a REAL Fog Machine . . .

While the guys’ offering this week, may have won out in the “heart” department, the girls totally had them beat, in terms of soul . . .

Speaking of Soul . . .

 . . . a re-Mohawked Puck returned to Glee this week.

McKinley High’s Favorite Bad Boy wasted no time reclaiming his rebel status, through his awe-inspiring tales of weightlifting, ass-kicking and food reclaiming.  (“I told him, ‘Leggo, My Eggo . . . So, he did!”)  He also found a new companion in Artie, who he planned to “help be cool” in order to “fulfill his community service requirement.”

Puck’s master plan begins with him and Artie performing a GORGEOUS rendition of Bob Marley’s “One Love,” outside during lunch.  The performance earns Puck and Artie $300 of cold hard cash, which their fellow students generously “donated” to Puck’s guitar case. 

(OK . . . I’m sorry . . . but I have to call B.S. here.  In my four years of high school, the ONLY time I ever gave cash to a fellow student was to buy a candy bar.  NO BROKE HIGH SCHOOL kid parts with their money that easily!  Then again . . . NO ONE in my high school looked like this . . .)

I stand corrected.  Here, Puck, take my credit cards too .. .

The next item of “Community Service” for Puck, involved him helping Artie get back together with Tina Brittany.

Oh yeah . . . did I mention that Artie is in love with Brittany now?  A night of meaningless sex will do that to a guy . . .

Puck and Artie win Santana’s and Brittany’s hearts by taking them to Olive Garden Breadsticks, and basically treating them like dirt.  (I’d love to say that doesn’t actually work.  But I’m afraid it does, particularly with shallow high school girls, like Brittany and Santana.)  Then Puck convinces Santana and Brittany to “dine-and-dash” with him, leaving Poor Artie with the check . . .

“It’s times like these when I wish my wheelchair had a faster motor.  I’d run those b*tches down SO FAST. . .”

Eventually, however, Puck’s probation officer discovers his lack of “real community service.”  Suddenly, our resident Bad Boy is threatened with the prospect of “highway trash pickup” or a “return to juvie.” The poor guy flips out!  As it turns out, Puck wasn’t quite the Big Cheese in juvie that he would have his classmates believe him to be.  “They kept taking my waffles,” pouts Puck adorably.

Leggo Puck’s Eggo, or I’ll CUT YOU! 

(Awesome little photo brought to you by frothygirlz.com )

But, just when a very frightened Puck is about to skip town AGAIN, Artie comes to his rescue.  The little guy offers to return Puck’s kind gesture of “community service” by (1) accompanying him, while he cleans up trash on the highway; and (2) tutoring him in Geometry.  A very grateful Puck takes Artie up on his offer. 

And they all live HAPPILY EVER AFTER . . . especially those folks who happen to be driving along the public roads, while Puck is “picking up trash” . . .

Community service, INDEED!

Kurt Vistis Hogwarts The Dalton School / Gets Face Raped

“Some of these guys look like they have pretty big  . . . wands.”

 When the episode begins, Kurt is having pretty much the WORST DAY EVER!  For starters, that Mean Ole Bully, Karofsky, keeps pushing him into his locker.

“I didn’t mean to do it.  It’s just that I tend to have trouble walking and chewing gum at the same time.”

Then, Kurt is not allowed to perform with the girls, like he usually does, in the weekly Glee Club competition.  The truth of the matter is, Kurt is just plain tired of the way rampant homophobia and bullying are accepted at his school.  As the only openly gay male at McKinley, Kurt feels ostracized, and unappreciated.  So, when his classmates suggest he scope out New Directions’ competition for Sectionals (an all-boy singing group called The Warblers, from the all-boy school, Dalton) Kurt jumps at the chance.

(By the way, if anyone caught Mr. Schue’s lame but plot convenient explanation as to why this year’s Sectional competitors are different from last year’s, please pass that information along to me, because I totally missed it.  I mean, don’t “Sections” always stay the same, for competitions like these?)

When Kurt arrives at Dalton he realizes, to his chagrin, that all the students are in uniform, making it particularly difficult for him to “blend in” and “spy” on his enemies.  Fortunately, however, Kurt dressed as Harry Potter for Halloween this past year.   And, apparently, he has kept his costume in his book bag since that time.  So, all hope was not lost . . .

After being led by the hand into the school auditorium by a very sexy Blaine (played by Darren Criss), Kurt witnesses the Wizards Warblers perform a SUPER FABULOUS and HIGHLY HOMOEROTIC rendition of Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream.”

Coincidentally, this is EXACTLY what happened in Kurt’s Teenage Wet Dream, just this morning!

After the performance, the Warblers take pity on Kurt for his obviously hand-me down Gryffindor robes, and take him out for coffee.  Never one to beat around the bush, Kurt immediately asks the group whether they are ALL GAY?  Most of them are not, but Sexy Beast Blaine sure is!

Not that it matters, really.  Because this private school is completely accepting of people of all-sexual preferences.  “Hogwarts has always been TOTALLY cool with the gays.  Just ask Dumbledore!”  Later, when Kurt confides in Blaine that he has been the victim of bullying in school, Blaine instructs him to confront his enemy.  “I ran away [from public school bullying and homophobia], but you don’t have to,” Blaine concludes.

(WOAH!  This just in . . . I just found out that Darren Criss actually played Harry Potter in the fanmade “A Very Potter Musical.”  So all those thinly veiled Potter references the Glee writers made in the above-described scene?   TOTALLY INTENTIONAL!  Check him out . . .)

Anyway, throughout the rest of the day, like a good Gryffindor Wizard friend, Blaine keeps texting Kurt the word “courage.”  And it is this word that finally helps Kurt to confront the Evil Karofsky.   He REALLY lets this bully have it! 

Kurt tells Karofsky that he never has to worry about Kurt making a pass at him, because he is not Kurt’s type.  He further explains why.  “You are ugly, and sweaty, and will probably be bald by the time you are thirty.”

“Don’t push me.  You can’t push the gay out of me . . . You are just a scared little boy, who can’t face how ordinary you really are,” Kurt concludes.

And then this happens . . .

It was actually much less like a kiss, and more like Face Rape — particularly since Poor Kurt was a Boy-Kissing Virgin, at the time.  You’ve really got to hand it to Karofsky though, almost out of high school, and he’s still managed to maintain that First-Graders Philosophy on Dating, namely, “When a Boy teases or insults, you, it’s only because he likes you.”

And if that’s the case, than Karofsky must REALLY like Kurt, because he keeps beating on him, even AFTER the Face Rape occurs.  The dude even goes so far as to beat up on Blaine, when Blaine tries to confront Karofsky, regarding his sexuality, on Kurt’s behalf.  “Well, he’s not coming out of the closet anytime soon!”  Blaine snarks.

(By the way, kudos to Max Adler, the actor who plays Karofsky, for doing such a brilliant job with these super intense scenes!  You can check out his performance here . . .)

At the end of the episode, we see a newer, more confident Kurt peeking inside his locker for “courage.”  And, honestly, who wouldn’t be more “courageous,” after looking at THIS GUY’S FACE?

You’re welcome.

[www.juliekushner.com]