Hey, Mike Chang . . . wanna become be a LESS neglected Glee club member? Here’s a hint: WEAR LESS CLOTHING!
Welcome back, Gleeks! Has this most recent Glee hiatus left you feeling neglected . . . unappreciated . . . used up and tossed out, like a snotty old tissue?
Well, then, you are in luck! Because this week’s installment of Glee is all about that oh-so-familiar feeling of being left out, passed over, chewed up, and spit out. Talk about a “Feel Good Episode!”
So, ball up those tissues. Break out the comfort food. And crank up the volume on that SUPER depressing song on your iPOD. Because it’s time for “A Night of Neglect.”
Brother, can you spare a dime?
“Goodbye, money! It was nice knowing you!”
So, remember the Super Bowl Episode, when the Cheerios, upon losing their national competition, also lost their ENTIRE extracurricular activity budget, in favor of the Glee club? And then remember how, for about 3 episodes or so, the normally cash-strapped Glee kids suddenly had enough money, not only to travel to Regionals, but also to purchase massively expensive rotating sectional sofas to use as props for their in-school performances about the dangers of alcohol abuse?
Blame it on the alcohol . . . and a REALLY dumb plotline.
Ummm . . . yeah, well, apparently, the idea of the Glee club actually having enough CASH to attend Nationals was “inconvenient,” for purposes of this plot. Therefore, the writers had to find some way to make the Glee kids poor again, thereby forcing them to hold the “fundraiser” around which this episode revolved. So, the writers decided to have Sue steal the money, and reroute it into an “off-shore bank account.” SURPRISE!
“Just call me Sue ‘The Scapegoat’ Sylvester . . . everybody else does!”
And yet, assuming Sue HAS all this money (and can use a portion of it on her “precious Cheerios”) why is she even bothering sabotaging the Glee kids (AGAIN), in the first place?
Of course, to even try and answer this question, would require attributing something to this show that it clearly DOESN’T have . . . continuity. So, we will just move on from here, OK?
Anywhoo . . . so not only do the Glee kids need cash, but the McKinley High Smarty Pants, an Academic Decathalon Team, which, surprisingly, is made up ENTIRELY of Gleeks (Aren’t ALL after-school activities, on this show?) needs money too! This gives Will and his
temporary guest star new girlfriend Gwyneth Paltrow Holly Holiday the idea to raise money for BOTH after-school activities by (1) selling saltwater taffy; and (2) putting on a benefit concert with, a theme that is very near and dear to both club’s hearts: LOSERS . . . er . . . I mean . . . “neglected artists.”
*sings* “Soy un perdedor! I’m a neglected artist, baby! So, why don’t you KILL ME?”
Volunteering to perform at the event is Vocal Adrenaline Star, Sunshine Corazon, who has “600 twitter followers,” but still claims that she knows how it feels to be “neglected,” because she is “so very short” and “a much better singer than everybody else.”
Despite having been burned before, by a member of Vocal Adrenaline, who also supposedly possessed a burning desire to “help out the Enemy” . . .
. . . the Glee kids ultimately let Sunshine audition for the benefit. After all, they are
Ridiculously Stupid, very much in need of the audience members Sunshine promises to bring with her to the venue.
In what was BY FAR the most riveting performance of the evening, Sunshine sings Celine Dion’s extremely-over played, but STILL fabulous, “All By Myself.” During her rendition, Sunshine captures the heart of a Very Special Gleek . . .
“Nice knowing, ya, Zizes! It’s going to be a bright SUNSHINE-y day, without you!”
“Dump me for the Munchkin, and I will LITERALLY eat you for breakfast, PUCKERMAN!”
Check out Sunshine’s spectacular performance (not to mention Puck’s SUPER mushy response to it) here; and you will see EXACTLY what I mean . . .
Welcome to the Legion of Doom!
While the Glee kids are hard at work preparing for their Night of Neglect, Sue Sylvester is just as hard at work, making sure it fails miserably. Except, this time, Sue is not alone in her Nefarious Plotting of this Week’s Evil Deeds.
(Seriously? Can Sue BE any more of a cartoon villain? Next thing you know, she will be petting a bald cat, perfecting her Evil Laugh, and blabbering on about World Domination.)
Helping Sue to destroy Glee club, this week, are former New Directions’ advisor, Sandy Ryerson . . .
Nice CAPE, Asshat!
. . . Vocal Adrenaline Coach, Dustin Goolsby . . .
News Flash: You are INDOORS! Take off the sunglasses, Vampire LeDouchebag!
. . . and Will’s ex-wife, and FAKE Baby Mama, Terri . . .
For such an “impressive” group of Super Villains, the Leagion of Dooms’ schemes to foil the Night of Neglect actually end up being disappointingly LAME. These plans include having Charise and her “600 Twitter Followers” ditch the benefit, at the last minute . . .
“That’s what you get for sending me to ‘audition’ at a Crack House, B*TCHES!”
. . . trying (and FAILING) to break up Will’s relationship with Holly . . .
(Of course, she ended up leaving, ANYWAY . . .)
. . . and hiring a team of “Hecklers” to make fun of Tina’s performance of Lykke Li’s “I Follow Rivers.”
Most Random . . . Team . . . of . . . Hecklers . . . EVER!
(And yet, they still managed to make Poor Tina CRY . . . THOSE BASTARDS!)
Which reminds me, is anybody else curious as to why Poor Tina’s musical performances always seem to end with her bawling her eyes out? (“My Funny Valentine,” anyone?)
As for Tina’s real life “Funny Valentine,” he danced at the benefit to Jack Johnson’s “Bubble Toes,” which made me smile . . . both because I love Jack Johnson . . . and because “Bubble Toes” are just adorably SILLY!
This would have been a whole lot more appropriate, if Mr. Bubble Toes danced barefoot . . .
Granted, it was a bit disappointing that no one actually SANG the Jack Johnson song, as I think that might have been a nice addition to the performance. (After all, unlike, most of the other artists featured in this episode, Jack Johnson actually IS a neglected artist, one who is often vastly underappreciated for his unique talents . . . at least, in my humble opinion.)
I’d say Tina could have sang the “little ditty.” But she was still crying at the time, and, therefore, would have inevitably converted the song from “Bubble Toes” to Blubbering ones . . .
Speaking of blubbering . . .
Like a Virgin, Touched (with a Glove) for the Very FIRST Time!
No Glove . . . No LOVE, BABY!
After having experienced so much progress in recent months, it was disheartening to see Poor Emma having fallen completely off the OCD-wagon again, this week. Recognizing that OCD sufferers tend to see their symptoms worsen in times of extreme stress
(AWWW! He’s been doing RESEARCH on her condition! He SO Luuuuuves HER!), Will gently asks Emma what happened.
“Carl’s gone. He asked for an annulment, which, I guess, he’s entitled to, since we never actually consummated our marriage,” Emma explains dejectedly.
(Oh, the judge must have LAUGHED HIS ASS OFF, when he heard that one!)
“How old do you have to be, to look back on your life, with nothing but regret? Is 32-too young?” Emma asks sadly.
Knowing an “opening” (See what I did there?), when he sees one, Will sweetly vows to help Emma through this “rough patch” in her life. To “seal the deal,” he even goes as far as to put on
a condom a pair of sterilized gloves . . . Yep, he’s a slick one, that Schuester!
Holly takes another Holiday (and this one may be permanent)
Watching the aforementioned exchange from a nearby window, Holly Holiday already knows she’s been replaced. But, to her credit, rather than stomping off in a Rachel Berry-like fury, the “adult” Holly sticks around to teach the kids an “important lesson” on the dangers of online (and in-person) heckling.
(Awww, that was great, Holly! Without your
preachy and super annoying inspired speech I would have NEVER known that it was mean and hurtful to . . . be MEAN and HURTFUL to people. Thank you, for showing me the light!)
Other examples of the not-at-all obvious teachings of Holly Holiday . . .
Holly also performs Adele’s “Turning Tables” at the Night of Neglect Benefit . . .
Riiiiiiight . . . because the young chart-topping female / international music sensation is PRECISELY who I think of, when I hear the words “neglected artist.”
At the end of the episode, Holly sadly admits the following: (1) She has taken a substitute teacher position in Cleveland, and is therefore, leaving town
and the showASAP;
(2) she knows Will and Emma are in love with one another, which makes it kind of inconvenient for her to continue being Will’s F
*&k Buddy girlfriend; and
(3) she promises to return
the next time she has a film project to promote sometime soon.
“You go and POP that Cherry WILL! Pop it ONCE AND FOR ALL! Do it for ME! Do it for America!”
Speaking of people who are about to DO IT . . .
I’m always chasing Klaine-bows (and so is Karofsky, apparently)
My favorite non-musical moment from the episode, BY FAR, was Kurt’s and Blaine’s visit to McKinley High to support their friends’ benefit. Upon hearing Kurt reminisce about the school, Blaine realizes immediately that Kurt misses public school, and all the friends he’s made there. Unfortunately, this sappy sweet moment is interrupted by the magical “surprise” appearance of Karofsky, who was
pining over Kurt, dancing to “Bubble Toes”, rocking out to Adele “lifting weights,” when he overheard the new out-and-PROUD couple strolling the halls of McKinley.
In a swoon-worthy move, Blaine, who knows full well about Karofsky’s homophobic self-hatred, and how it ultimately resulted in Kurt having to switch schools, stands up to the much larger Football Player . . . even going as far as to give him a REALLY HARD PUSH!
But, then, just when it seems as though a fight is about to break out in the halls of McKinley High, Santana, of all people, steps in to SAVE THE DAY!
Recalling a time, in the not-so-distant past, when Karofsky had the GALL to SLUSHEE SANTANA, of all people . . .
OH NO HE DIDN”T!
. . . Santana positions herself squarely in front of Karofsky, and begins to tell him, once and for all, how things are going to be, from now on.
“See, here’s whats gonna go down. Two choices, you stay here, and I crack one of your nuts, right or left, that’s your choice. Or you walk away, and live to be a douchebag, another day. And, also, I have razorblades in my hair. Mmm-hmmm. Tons, all up in there,” monologues Santana, in a moment that is positively FILLED with Awesome!
“If I wasn’t gay
and secretly in love with Kurt, I’d be SO attracted to you, right now!”
What’s better, after hearing Santana’s not necessarily idle threats, Karofsky ACTUALLY walks away!
(Little do these two individuals know just how much in common they actually have with one another!)
Symbolism and foreshadowing aside, it was really nice to see Santana come to Kurt’s aid, the way she did this week. It shows fans just how far her character has come from the one-note villainess she once was, back in early Season 1 . . .
Speaking of characters who have come far . . .
Rachel teaches Mercedes the TRUE meaning of DIVA . . .
Of all the members of New Directions, perhaps, no character has been more outspoken about feeling neglected than Mercedes. And yet, as Lauren Zizes perceptively points out, though she may gripe and complain EXTREMELY OFTEN, Mercedes will ALWAYS inevitably cede the spotlight to Rachel. So, Lauren comes up with this ridiculous plan for Mercedes to ask for all these STUPID DIVA REQUESTS (A puppy to wipe her face on? Being carried out on stage in a Lady Gaga-inspired egg?), so that her Glee club mates know that she’s important.
Oddly enough, for a little while, anyway, this dumb ass plan seems to work, with Rachel Finn and Quinn rushing around like crazy to fulfill all of Mercedes whimsical desires . . .
But when Mercedes refuses to perform at the Benefit, it is Rachel who follows her into the parking lot in the rain and
stabs her to death sets her straight . . .
“Diva demands don’t make you famous,” explains Rachel (and she would KNOW!). “Having talent does!”
“So, why are you a bigger star than ME!” Mercedes whines.
“Because the writers always give ME all the big solos and romantic storylines. “Because I care more about being famous, than about being liked. Everyone LIKES you,” Rachel explains, “ Except for NOW, because NOW you are being a TOTAL ASSHOLE!”
Ultimately, Rachel concedes the closing number at the benefit to Mercedes, who sings her idol Aretha Franklin’s “Ain’t No Way,” to an adoring crowd. (OK, so have we just TOTALLY dispatched with the theme of “neglected artists” now? First ADELE, and now, ARETHA? Who’s next, U2? The Beatles?)
Of all people, Glee club nemesis, Sandy Ryerson, is SO touched by Mercedes performance, that he
conveniently decides to defect from the Legion of Doom, and give all the money from his illegal drug sales to the Glee club and the Academic Decathaletes!
The random guest star has been REDEEMED! HOORAY! (It’s just too bad no one can redeem that outfit he’s wearing. Because that thing is HIDEOUS!)
Now, with Dustin and Sandy having totally FAILED at breaking up the Glee club, it’s up to Sue and Terri to finish what they started. *Sigh* Here we go again . . .
Oh, and did I mention that the “McKinley Smarty Pants,” led by Brittany (and her bizarrely Rainman-esque knowledge of cat diseases) went on to win the Academic Decathalon, thanks to the MOST RANDOM GAMESHOW CATEGORY EVER?
Oh, Holly Holiday . . . you and your WEIRD costumes . . . and your bizarre weekly historical tidbits . . . about women with Man-Hands who Loved Hitler! Now that you are really gone, I may actually end up missing you, after all!