Everybody Loves My Inappropriate Sense of Humor a.k.a My Thoughts on Lost’s “Everybody Loves Hugo”

“WILL ALL YOU CRAZY DEAD PEOPLE SHUT THE F UP?”  Charlie and I are trying to make a Burp Remix of ‘You All Everybody,’ and I can’t hear myself think!  Now I know how Dr. Dolittle feels . . .”

If Desmond-centric episodes represent the “Thinking Man’s Lost,” Hurley-centric episodes are the “Funny Man’s Lost.”  They generally never cover a lot of ground, storyline-wise, but rest assured, there will be a lot of laughs along the way.  Except . . . you may just find yourself feeling a bit guilty about what you are laughing at . . . (fat jokes, food jokes, jokes about people exploding into smithereens . . .)

Oh, and did I mention watching Hurley-centric episodes of Lost are a TERRIFIC excuse to get wasted?

So, here’s what I liked about the episode:

1) Ilana Goes Boom-Boom (and Bye, Bye)

Does it make me a bad person that I giggled a bit when Ilana got blown up by a randomly-placed stick of dynamite, just as she was self-righteously lecturing the Losties about following Dead Jacob’s orders?  The girl may have been Jacob’s “Candidate Protector.”  However, when it really came down to it, she ended up being nothing more than a glorified redshirt on this show. 

Did you notice how NONE of the Losties seemed remotely upset by her demise?  Talk about INSENSITIVE!  I mean, I can laugh, because I don’t really know the girl.  She’s just a random TV character to me, and a BORING one at that.  (BTW, I’m sure the actress –who is alive and well, by the way — is a lovely person . . .)  But . . . THESE GUYS?  Not even kindly HURLEY shed a tear for this one.   Maybe these uber self-absorbed folks are in HELL after all?

2) Rich Hurley, Poor Hurley – Same Difference

I loved that the writers didn’t go the typical route, and make Hurley a douche in flash-sideways world, just because he was lucky and financially successful there.  In fact, Rich Hurley was EXACTLY THE SAME as Poor Hurley, and BOTH are awesome!  I also loved how, despite all of Hurley’s great philanthropy and the accolades he received at that museum dedication ceremony made by DR. MARVIN CANDLE  . . .

Good one Lost!

Hurley’s mom still only cared about the fact that he didn’t have a girlfriend.   So typical!  Despite his immense success, Hurley was still just as insecure and nervous around girls, as always . . . ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!

Speaking of girls . . .

3) Hurley and Libby Sitting on a BEACH, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

These two were FABULOUS together, during this episode!  I loved how Libby was on a field trip away from the mental hospital, when she confronted Hurley about “knowing him in another life.” And yet, even though he didn’t remember her (at least, initially), he STILL wanted to go on a date with the loony lady!  I also loved that these two literally crazy kids FINALLY got to have their “Beach Date,” complete with an assortment of cheese (“Because everyone likes cheese,” says Hurley), and a surprisingly sexy kiss.  Said kiss was SO INTENSE, it brought back all of Hurley’s Lostie memories.  Kudos to Desmond, for making good on the promise he made during last week’s episode, to bring about the Losties’ awareness of Island World, by promoting generalized lovey-doveyness.

Speaking of Desmond . . .

4) Desmond go down the HOLE, Locke go under the CAR . . .

How PISSED did MIB look, when Desmond told him that he wasn’t afraid of him?  You just knew right then that Smokey was up to no good!  And of course, there was that WELL Smokey was showing Desmond.  If we’ve learned anything from our Lost writers, it’s that they will NEVER pass up the opportunity for a good Alice in Wonderland reference.  Down the rabbit hole, anyone?

(Speaking of scary children’s tales remade by Tim Burton, did you catch the Willy Wonka tunnel speech, in next week’s previews?)

Still gives me the chills!  No wonder Willy Wonka scared the stuffing out of me, as a kid!

So, it wasn’t particularly surprising that MIB threw Desmond down the well in Island World.  What WAS surprising, however, was that Flash-Sideways Desmond appeared to REMEMBER it!  So much so, that he didn’t have any qualms at all about running a wheelchair -bound Locke over with his car!  (Odd that the seemingly omniscient Desmond never caught on – – as everyone else on the island seemed to, instantly upon meeting him — that Nu-Locke and Old Locke weren’t the same person . . .)

“Peggy Bundy is going to be PISSED!”

By the way, did you catch how flash-sideways Ben TOTALLY thought Desmond was a major pedophile, because he found him parked in the high school parking lot, leering inappropriately?

5) Hurley takes charge!

It is HIGH TIME these Losties took Hurley, seriously!  I loved how Jack and the rest of Team Jacob (well . . . except for Miles, Ben and Richard Alpert) were willing to follow Hurley on his mission to talk to MIB, and prevent the other Losties from using the plane to leave the island.  Jack didn’t even seem to mind that much that Hurley had lied about “seeing Jacob” to get the others to go along with his plan.  Old Jack would have totally kicked his ass . . . It looks like our Man of Science has become a Man of Faith, after all!

“You’ve come a long way, BABY!”

6) From a Whisper to a Scream . . .

“There’s no place like the island, there’s no place like the island, there’s no . . . CRAP!  I’m still here!”

So, first we thought the “whispers” in the jungle were the Others.  Then, we thought it was the Smoke Monster, NOW we FINALLY know its the collective voices of dead people with “unfinished business.”  Sound familiar?

No wonder they won’t leave Hurley alone!  As far as Big Answers go, this one’s a bit cliche.  However, it DOES dovetail nicely with the rest of the Lost mythology, at least in terms of consistency.  After all, when you think about it, the WHISPERS were always heard right before a character was either about to DIE or be faced with his or her own mortality . . .  All, in all, I give the “answer”  a “B”

What I didn’t like:

1) That was it?!!!!

ONE ANSWER?  There isn’t much time left, Lost writers!  You MIGHT want to be more forthcoming with the info, in the near future!

2) Glee Robber!

OK, OK!  I guess it isn’t really Lost’s fault that the first half-hour of the season premiere of Glee coincided with this episode.  But the untenable TV conflict still made me mad enough to throw a slurpee at some ABC execs . . .

See ya next week, Losties!

Hot Box Time Machine – Lost’s “Happily Ever After” Q & A

Tonight’s episode of Lost marks yet another chapter in the tale of our favorite Scottish time (and dimension?) – traveler, Desmond Hume.  This is our seventh Desmond-centric Lost episode. (For those nitpickers out there, I am counting the two hours of “Live Together, Die Alone” as separate episodes . . . basically, because I like the number seven, DAMMIT!)  To me, Desmond’s episodes have sort of a different feel than the episodes we typically see on Lost.  While all Lost episodes deal with themes of love, destiny, good versus evil, and science versus faith, Desmond-y episodes seem to express those themes in a more heady, philosophical way.

Desmond episodes = Advanced Placement Lost (for “gifted” TV watchers)

 Tonight’s episode was no exception.  During “Happily Ever After,” we definitely learned a thing or two about our hero, as well as the overall mythology of Lost.  Here are just some of the questions that were answered during this hour:

Why is Desmond “The Package?”

Desmond is The Package because he looks like this . . .

 . . . oh, and I almost forgot .  . . HE HAS SUPERPOWERS!

Superpowers?  Cool!  Can he leap tall buildings in a single bound, like Superman?

Ummmm  . . . no.  But he CAN be shocked with thousands of volts of electromagnetic energy without, you know, dying.  He can also toggle back and forth through time and alternate dimensions, without having to take a dip in a Hot Tub, or jump in a DeLorean with a young Michael J. Fox.

So what does that have to do with Charles Widmore?  Why does HE need Desmond back on the Island?

Two words: Course Correction.  If you recall (Of course, you recall.  Your a Lost fan.  You remember EVERYTHING.  And have the screencaps to prove it), back at the end of last season, Juliet detonated a bomb on the island back in 1974, in hopes of preventing Oceanic Flight 815 from ever crashing on the island.  Instead, her actions set off a major chain of events (i.e. that whole flash-sideways business) that left a lot of Losties extremely UNLIKELY to get laid in the foreseeable future. 

For starters, in Flash-Sideways World, Desmond’s not with his “soul mate” Penny, which means she can’t bear his child.

Charlie never met Claire . . .

No, I’m NOT taking about the bat-shit crazy version!  (NO ONE wants to meet HER!)  I’m referring to the  sweet, innocent, hygenic version from the first three seasons . . .

(Sidenote:  Was it me, or has Charlie’s hairline receded IMMENSELY since we last saw him on this show?  Perhaps hair loss is another side effect of living in Flash-sideways World, because Jack Shephard seems to be having the same “follicular” issues, of late.)

“I’m not LOSING my hair!  I’m just GROWING out my forehead . . .”

Speaking of Jack, in Flash-Sideways World, he and Sawyer never made out with / screwed (in a bear cage) Kate

Oh, the humanity!

Sayid’s not with Nadia.  Jin’s not married to Sun, so her and their child may DIE.  Daniel never met Charlotte.  Hurley never met Miles.

Catch what I did there?  Pretty clever, huh . . . 

As for Widmore, a permanent existence in Flash-Sideways World will undoubtedly result in the loss of his daughter Penny, his grandchild, and his son.  Oh, and did I mention that he will be stuck married to this scary biatch?

As if all that wasn’t bad enough, you and I would be stuck watching Friends reruns on Tuesday nights at 9 . . .  It’s a dystopian society, indeed!  And so, understandably, Widmore has hired Time-Traveling Desmond to merge the two timelines created by the bomb’s blast back into a single timeline, where they belong.

How the heck is Desmond going to do that?

One word: The Constant.  (well, that’s actually two words.  Sorry?)  Remember when Desmond was doing all those weird mind-warp time traveling things back during Season 4?  (During the episode conveniently entitled “The Constant.” )  Do you also remember how Daniel Faraday, who was experimenting with time travel at the time, had written in his journal – “Desmond Hume will be my constant?”

(Presumably the aforementioned statement meant that whatever year it happened to be, Desmond would provide Daniel with the personal connection he needed to gain a necessary foothold in his current timeline)

“Oh, hey look!  Desmond is wearing a neon jumpsuit.  I MUST be in the 80s . . .”

Well, it seems that Widmore would like to hire out Desmond to be The Constant for everyone on Oceanic Flight 815 . . . well, at least everyone that mattered.  Presumably, Desmond will do this by making all of the passengers AWARE of the original timeline, the memory of which, as we learned today, lies buried in all of their subconscious minds.

How exactly is Desmond going to convince the other Losties about the original timeline?  Because if some stranger walked up to me and told me (with a Scottish accent, no less) that I was stuck in the wrong dimension, I would run in the other direction FAST!

I have one more word for you: LOVE 

Charlie (perhaps unwittingly) awakened Desmond to the existence of the original timeline, when the car the pair was driving, swerved off road and went underwater.  When Desmond tried to free Charlie from the drowning car, Charlie’s hand pressed against its window, revealing this message:

Of course, this was the same message, Charlie showed Desmond before dying during the Season 3 Lost finale episode “Through the Looking Glass.”  The message was intended to inform Desmond that the “rescue” boat that had been sent for them, was not sent to the island by Desmond’s lover, Penny.  Rather, it was a trap.  Seeing this message again, triggers Desmond’s alt-timeline memories of his love for Penny.  These memories come at him full force, later on in the episode, while he is receiving electromagnetic pulses to his brain during an MRI.  Likewise, both Charlie and Daniel Faraday began to recall THEIR alternate existences, upon seeing their respective Lostie lovers Claire and Charlotte in person.

Presumably, armed with the Oceanic Flight 815 manifest provided to him by former fellow alt-world time traveler, George Minkowski  (a chauffer and lackey for Charles Widmore in Flash-Sideways World) . . .

time traveling + NO superpowers = insanity, lots of nosebleeds, and a painful death . ..

Desmond will find all the Losties in Flash-Sideways World and attempt to trigger their memories of Real World, by tantalizing them with suggestions of lovers from another dimension . . .  which, leads me to my last question: 

Who’s YOUR Constant? 😉

Next week on Lost, we get to watch loveable Lostie Hurley talk to more dead people, make more dry (but hilarious) comments about the current state of the show, and (probably) eat some tasty treats along with way.  Awesome!

Until then . . .