Tag Archives: the Salvatore Brothers

The Many Faces of The Vampire Diaries’ Damon Salvatore

Now, I’m not going to name any names, but there are a number of actors out there, who appear to be capable of expressing only ONE emotion, using ONE facial expression.  Freddie Prince Jr., Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, that Creepy guy from the Erectile Dysfunction commercials . . .

“Bueller?  Bueller?”

Fortunately for us TVD fans, Ian Somerhalder is NOT one of those actors!  In fact, as Damon Salvatore, Ian Somerhalder has portrayed a wider range of emotions in 1.5 seasons of The Vampire Diaries,  than some actors twice his age have exhibited throughout their ENTIRE CAREERS!  I think that deserves a round of applause.  Don’t you?

In celebration of his work, I thought it might be fun to pay a little tribute to some of my favorite “Faces of Damon Salvatore.” 

OK, I know it’s supposed to be a “FACE” post, but how could I possibly write a blog entry about Damon Salvatore, without including AT LEAST one BODY SHOT?

[By the way, inspiration for this post came to me by way of two FABULOUS posts, courtesy of my blogging pal, Cherie.  Fellow TVD fans should be sure to check out her Damon Salvatore Mixtape, as well as her kickass post regarding the Sartorial Stylings of Stefan Salvatore (a term trademarked by the Always Brilliant Amy, over at Imaginary Men).]

So, what do you say, we stop yapping, and start getting some serious “face time” with our favorite vampire? 

Face #1 – Flirty Damon, a.k.a. “Eye-Thing” Damon

No HUMAN girl could resist the charms of Damon Salvatore, when he’s working his Flirt Magic on you.  And if his smile alone, hasn’t already melted your heart, his “Eye Thing” most certainly will . . .

When we get to see him:  Flirty Damon usually makes an appearance, when he’s trying to get something he wants out of someone of the “female persuasion.” 

Early on in Season 1, Flirty Damon came out to play ALL THE TIME, with practically EVERY lovely lady on the show, from Elena to Caroline to Bonnie to Vicki to Aunt Jenna to Matt’s Slutty Mom.  Heck, I think he may have even come on to Alaric a few times . . .

And yet, ever since Damon has come to realize his true feelings for Elena, we can’t help but notice that Playboy Damon has been a bit less playful, of late.  Love can do that to a vamp, sometimes . . .

Why we love him:  Isn’t it obvious?  We love Flirty Damon because he’s FUN and SEXY AS HELL!  Besides, a guy who will flirt with anything that moves, will surely flirt with us!  Right?  *nods head, hopefully*

What it says about his character:  Damon’s flirty nature definitely gives him an air of confidence.  This is a guy who’s hot, and KNOWS IT!  Damon is not afraid to use his charm and good looks to get what he wants.  Aside from purely strategic reasons, Damon likes to flirt, because it’s FUN!  He enjoys spending time with women.  And he loves the attention they give him.

However, as we’ve come to learn in Season 2, there is a bit of falseness to Damon’s flirting.  When Damon REALLY loves and cares about someone, he finds it much more difficult to flirt with her.  Because, while lust may be a game for Damon, LOVE is serious business for him . . . 

Flirty Damon Video Tribute:

Thanks sxylilrckstar!

Face #2 – Drinking Damon

When Damon says he likes to drink “Bloody Marys,” he means that quite literally.  Nice knowing ya, girls named Mary!

When we get to see him:   ALL THE TIME!  (Have you ever noticed how Damon drinks both BLOOD and ALCOHOL, in just about every episode?)

Why we love him:  Just because Damon is a vampire, doesn’t mean he can’t get wasted, just like everybody else.

And when Damon gets drunk (like most of us), it lowers his inhibitions . . .

Sure, sometimes that loss of inhibitions makes Damon do BAD things (like kill Vicki, and almost kill Jeremy).  But it also makes him do GOOD things, like bond with Alaric, or have heart-to-hearts with his brother, or slur out hilarious drunken jokes, or let Elena know how much he really cares for her.

What it says about his character:  Damon has always been one to try and “turn off” his feelings — something that being a vampire allows him to at least pretend to do, on certain occasions.  Don’t forget that this is a vampire with 140 some-odd years of pain and heartbreak to overcome!  He would LOVE to “turn off” his feelings of hurt and anger, over having pined over the same woman for a century-and-a-half, only to find out that she never loved him.  He would LOVE to “turn off” his feelings of betrayal over his brother’s decision to force him to become a vampire, so he wouldn’t have to go through eternity alone.  And he would LOVE to “turn off” his  love for Elena, a woman for whom he cares so deeply, and yet feels he does not deserve.

Damon drinks in hopes of dulling his pain, in a way that just “being a vampire” no longer can.  Ironically, however, Damon’s drinking has the opposite effect of what he intends.   It actually seems to make him MORE emotional, and, therefore, more likely to reveal his feelings to the very same people he wishes to hide them from.

Drinking Damon Video Tribute:

(click on the embedded link)

Face #3 – Compelling Damon

Yes, Master!

When we get to see him:  The power to compel is pretty much the BEST SUPERPOWER EVER!  Just imagine the possibilities.  Throughout the show, we have seen Damon use his compulsion power for a number of reasons . . .

To be naughty (and get laid) .  . .

As part of a Master Plan to vanquish enemies . . . and . . . most recently . . .

To make the ultimate sacrifice for the woman he loves.

Why we love him:  This is going to sound totally shallow Then again, most of this post is totally shallow, but did you ever notice how, every time Damon compels someone on TVD, we get to see this AWESOME CLOSE-UP of his EYES?

*Sigh*

On a (slightly) more intellectual level, there is something very frightening, yet, at the same time, intriguing, about falling into someone’s eyes, and allowing them to have total control over you.  I think the “compulsion” aspect of vampires is part of what fascinates so many people about them.  They also tend to be REALLY hot. 

What it says about his character:  Damon’s compulsion ability adds an extra layer of danger to a character that’s already pretty darn dangerous.  (I mean, this guy snaps necks, with the same ease that most people break twigs.)  Human beings are in danger around Damon — not only because he can literally kill them with his bare hands, but because he has the power to basically make them do his bidding, at a moment’s notice.

Damon’s compulsion of Elena was a really turning point in our understanding of his character, because it was the first time, Damon compelled another human being, for completely selfless reasons.  He truly believed that making Elena forget that he loves her would be in her best interest.  Delena fans obviously VEHEMENTLY disagree . . .

Naughty Compelling Damon Video Tribute:

(click the embedded link)

Nice (and heartbreaking) Compelling Damon Video Tribute:

(You know the drill!)

Face #4- Enraged Damon, a.k.a. “Crazy-Eyes Damon”

“You wouldn’t like me, when I’m angry!”

When we get to see him:  In early Season 1, Damon reserved his Crazy-Eyes for his brother, Stefan.  Once Stefan and Damon put their differences aside, however, Crazy-Eyed Damon came out to play, whenever someone (generally a supernatural being) threatened him, or the people he cares about.  This includes the Hidey Hole Vamps of Season 1, as well as Uncle John, Mason and Tyler Lockwood, Katherine, and the Originals, so far in Season 2.

“Mason, you’re looking a little tired.  Why don’t you lay down, and take a load off?”

Why we love him:  Anger can be REALLY sexy, sometimes!  Even at his calmest, Damon is a force to be reckoned with.  But when he’s MAD?  That man is unstoppable!  He’s strong, virile, masculine, and SUPER hot.  In short, he’s best damn bodyguard a girl could ever ask for!

“I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN!”

What it says about his character:  On one hand, Damon’s rage, is a source of strength for him.  It allows him to defeat his enemies rather easily.  Yet, untenable anger can also be a liability.  When Damon “Hulks Ou,t” he tends to lose all sense of logical reasoning and control.  A perfect example of this can be found in Episode 1 of Season 2, when Damon lashed out at Jeremy, after being rejected by Elena.  If not kept under control, Damon’s rage can cause him to hurt the ones he loves.  It also might allow those who are more in control of their emotions (like, for example, The Originals) to get the best of him.

Enraged Damon Video Tribute:

 

Thanks Musicgal777!

Face #5 – Brood and Smoulder Damon

When we get to see him:  Lately?  Quite often, actually.  Damon first started showing signs of Brood and Smoulder around Mid Season 1, when he first learned that Katherine was NEVER locked in that tomb, he sacrificed so much of himself to open.  As it turned out, Katherine had been alive all along!  She just never cared to see Damon, despite the fact that she was the ONLY person he ever loved . . . well, at least until Elena came along.

This season, Damon’s brooding and smouldering has mostly been over Elena.  Despite his being head-over-heels in love with the girl, for the first few episodes of Season 2, she wouldn’t even give him the time of day, due to the whole “Jeremy Incident.”  Recently, Elena seems to have, at least partially, forgiven him, thanks to his saving her live NUMEROUS TIMES, and to his performing quite a number of selfless acts for her friends.  However, that arguably makes things even more difficult for Damon, who is now frequently treated to a “front-row” seat to the Endless Love Saga that is “Elena and Stefan.”

Why we love him:  Nothing in the world is more relatable than a man suffering the slings and arrows of unrequited love.  There’s something about a guy who suffers heartbreak in silence that is just so endearing.  It makes us want to heal him.  Sexual healing?

What it says about his character:  What Stefan says about his brother is the absolute truth.  Damon’s ability to love, first Katherine, and now, Elena, is the link to his humanity.  His love for Elena, in particular, has caused him to do many brave and selfless things.  Damon’s ability to love and suffer in silence, on one hand, shows tremendous courage and strength, and on the other, a bit of fear.  Remember, Damon has already been rejected by Elena once, and by Katherine multiple times.  Clearly these girls are NUTS!   Although, much of Damon’s decision not to let Elena know his true feelings has to do with his belief that Stefan is “better for her,” a bit of it might also have to do with his unconscious fear of being rejected again.

Brood and Smoulder Damon Video Tribute:

Thanks again schochokeks1189!  (I’ve used your awesome video twice already!)

Face #6 – Smug and Snarky Damon

“Enough with the depressing love stuff, Recapper.  You’re boring me!”

When we get to see him:  Damon Salvatore has the best one-liners on the ENTIRE SHOW!  Never one to spare a friend or family member’s feelings, Damon is always ready with a quick and insulting comeback for even the most banal of remarks.  No matter how sweet or broody Damon gets, that awesome mean streak will (hopefully) never go away!

Why we love him:  Damon is our ID!  He says all the stuff we would LOVE to say to people, but would never dare.  Did I mention the dude is FRIGGIN HILARIOUS?

What it says about his character:  You can’t be snarky, without being smart.  And if his snarkiness is any measure at all, Damon is a GENIUS!  He’s also someone who’s got a genuine passion for life (and undeath).  Damon has a great sense of humor.  He’s not afraid to laugh at himself.  And he’s certainly not afraid to laugh at others!  Sure, some of that mean-spirited bravado is a defense mechanism to hide his pain and heartbreak (see Brood and Smoulder explanation above).  But, in the words of Damon himself, “Ughhh!  Who cares?”

Snarky Damon Video Tribute:

(Don’t let the intro fool you, it’s a Damon video, all the way!)

Thanks dafnoille!

And finally . . . (drumroll please) . . .

Face #7  – Hero Damon

“We’re off to save Elena . . . again.”

When we get to see him:  For a vamp who started the show off as a Big Bad Villain, Damon sure does spend a lot of time being heroic, doesn’t he?  Damon saved Stefan from the Hidey Hole Vamps.   He’s saved Elena from .  . . well . . . everyone.  And without Damon’s blood, Caroline would literally be dead (as opposed to undead).  Now, with the Originals after Elena, and at least one new werewolf in town, I’m guessing  Hero Damon will be sticking around for quite some time.

Why we love him:  Well, geez!  Do I even have to answer that?  Who WOULDN’T want to be rescued by a big manly vampire, who looks like Ian Somerhalder?

What it says about his character:  If Damon’s love for Elena is his link to humanity, than his heroism is evidence of it.  Sure, Damon can do some REALLY bad things to people, but he knows how to protect the ones he loves.  When the people he cares about are in danger, Damon is intensely determined to do whatever it takes to get them out of harms way.  This vampire is definitely not afraid to take some risks and kick some ass, when such things are required of him.  Did I mention, he’s also pretty handy with a stake?

“Is that a big stick in your hand, or are you just happy to see me?”

Hero Damon Video Tribute:

(OK . . . admittedly, this is a Team Badass, a.k.a. Damon and Alaric video.  But it definitely gives off the hard core hero vibe I was seeking.  So enjoy!  – Thanks MoraineEllisande!)

Thank you for your faces, Damon Salvatore!  We love them ALL!

[www.juliekushner.com]

12 Comments

Filed under Ian Somerhalder, The Vampire Diaries

Loved Me Once? Shame on YOU! – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries “Memory Lane”

“Tell me something, Katherine!  What products do you use on your skin?  I’m going to tell Elena get them.  Because you, my dear, don’t look a day over 150.”

He is a Vampire with a Heart of Gold . . . and some SERIOUS rage issues . . .

Welcome back tight Hoodie of Hedonism.  We sure have missed you!

She is a Vampire with a Heart of Coal, with a serious aversion to wearing sensible shoes .  . .

“Flats?  Who the hell wears flats?  I don’t even know what those ARE!”

As a couple, they enjoy past-times such as: staking one another . . .

. . . playing dress-up . . .

. . .  invading eachother’s personal space . . .

 . . . lying / manipulation . . .

. . . and, most importantly, hard core S & M . . .

In short, they are just like YOU and YOUR boyfriend!

So, while the promos for this episode tauted it as being the hour that, once and for all, pitted Katherine against Elena . . .

. . . I would prefer to refer to it as the episode that created TEAM KEFAN!

So, without further adieu, let’s take a nice stroll down “Memory Lane.”

“A Dream is a Wish your heart makes . . .”

The Year is 1864.  It is the night of the Founders’ Day Ball, which is being celebrated in the Lockwood Mansion.  Katherine has chosen Stefan to be her escort to the Ball, over Damon, because Little Salvatore is “the better dancer.” 

(That should have been your FIRST clue that this was a Dream Sequence.  Stefan?  The better dancer?   Need I remind you of a little episode I like to call “Miss Mystic Falls?”

 . . . Oh, and let’s not forget about this . . .

Sorry, Stefan!  I love you.  But you are NEVER going to beat your brother in Dancing with the Vampire Stars.)

So, anyway, Stefan and Katherine are at the Founders’ Day Ball, engaging in some serious eye f*cking, when Stefan begins to express some concern for his “poor older brother,” who has been faced with the ignominious fate of going to the Ball STAG!

But WAIT!  Damon isn’t alone, after all.  SOMEONE is there with him.

It’s Elena!

And she’s RIDICULOUSLY under-dressed for a ball . . .

Unlike Katherine, Elena is not in the mood to dance.  In fact, she would much rather play with Damon’s balls . . .

 . . . his pool balls that is!

“It hurts, doesn’t it?”  Katherine inquires, pointing the smoochy couple out to a very Broody Stefan.  “Don’t fight it.  You’ve loved me once.  You will love me again.”

Stefan awakens with a start — his “girlfriend” nuzzled into his chest, still fast asleep.  She stirs.  “What’s wrong, Stefan?” She inquires sleepily.

Stefan tries to ease himself back to sleep, but something is still bugging him.  And that “something” has nothing to do with his Bad Dream.  Stefan dashes across the bedroom, and looks in horror at the girl with whom he was sharing a sleepy cuddle, just moments before. 

“I am getting better and better at this.   It is EASY to get in your head,” says . . . wait for it . . . VAMPIRE KATHERINE!

 Dammit!  I knew I shouldn’t have drank that Easter Bunny before bed.  Those cotton tails ALWAYS cloud my judgment!

Stefan tries to scare Katherine away with threats.  But this is NOT a girl who scares easily.  “We both know I could rip you to shreds, and do my nails at the same time,” the Vampiress remarks casually, examining her well-groomed, but old fogey, fingers, for affect.

Painted with the blood of high school girls who tried to date my ex boyfriend . . .

Unnerved, Stefan insists that Katherine tell him the REAL reason she has returned to Mystic Falls.  But Katherine can do better than just ONE reason.  “I came back for three reasons, Stefan.  You, you, and you,” she replies.

Ummmm, Katherine?  Not to be nitpicky here.  But . . . isn’t that just the same reason, three times?

“I love you.  You love me.  We’re an effed up family.”

The Power of Peach Cobbler

“Elena Gilbert, I am going to bring baked goods to your house.   And there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about it!”

Over at Mystic Falls’ ONLY bar / social establishment, Elena is “studying,” when Damon magically appears . . .

Because this is Episode 4, and we haven’t had a Shirtless Salvatore scene since Episode 1, let’s just pretend Damon showed up at the bar looking like THIS . . .

“So this is where you spend your time, when you aren’t busy stabbing people in the back,” offers Damon, conversationally.

Elena, ever the stickler for proper, dictionary-approved, insults, quibbles with Damon’s terminology.  “I tricked you into telling the truth.  That is not the same as stabbing you in the back.  That’s using your own tactics against you.”

“Well, EXCUUUUUUUUSE MEEEE!”

“I thought I made myself clear that I want nothing to do with you,” sneers Elena.

“OK.  See you at Useless Aunt Jenna’s barbecue!”  Damon sing-songs.

That’s right, Elena!  When Damon Salvatore isn’t getting laid, he becomes very Sherlock Holmes-y.   So, this  is ALL YOUR FAULT!  Apparently, Damon had casually suggested to Alaric that he and his new Useless Girlfriend, Aunt Jenna . . .

 . . .  hold a barbecue at Jenna’s house, and invite all of Jenna’s old high school friends.  However, Useless as Aunt Jenna is, she only actually had one friend in high school (well . . . two . . . really . . . but that Logan guy is dead, so . . .).  Of course, I’m talking about THIS GUY . . .

Geez!  The boys sure didn’t look like that in MY high school!

Contrary to what Alaric might have been led to believe, Damon’s reason behind suggesting the barbecue, had nothing to do with getting back into Aunt Jenna’s good graces, by using peach cobbler . . .

Rather, it had EVERYTHING to do with getting into Elena’s pants “silvering” Mason Lockwood — thereby exposing him as the “Wolf in Stud’s Clothing” he really is!

Meanwhile, back at the Lockwood Mansion, Mason is still refusing to tell Tyler how the “werewolf curse” is activated . . .

Curse?  That looks more like a BLESSING to me!

. . . and Tyler is still hiding Mason’s “family jewels.”

Somehow I always imagined Mason’s “jewel” being . . . bigger.  Didn’t you?

Raising the stakes . . .

Back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Stefan and Katherine are still engaged in an intense game of Slap the Salami Cat and Mouse.  Katherine, who is clearly the Houseguest from Hell, has already made herself at home, reading Stefan’s diary, drinking Damon’s blood, and fondling the Salvatore Brothers’ personal belongings.  In her reading, Katherine couldn’t help but notice that the Salvatore Detective Agency had recently encountered werewolves in Mystic Falls.  “What do you know about werewolves?”  Stefan inquires, defensively.

“I know enough not to pet one,” jokes Katherine.

“Awwww!  You’re a sweet puppy, aren’t you?  Yes you are!  Yes you are . . . Hey . . . Owwwwww!  I needed that arm!”

Through a series of flashbacks, Vampire Katherine explains Mystic Falls’ long history with werewolves — specifically, the role the Lockwood Werewolves had in the destruction of the Hidey Hole Vamps back in 1864.  Coincidentally, it was the Lockwood Werewolves who “outed” the Mystic Falls vampires, in order to cover up their own messy lupine-esque murders.  The werewolves in question were led by, pillar of the community, and Civil War veteran, George Lockwood (played by the INSANELY sexy, Simon Miller).

But before Katherine will reveal any more information about George and the werewolves, she has some questions for Stefan.  “Why did you keep this picture?”  She inquires, holding up the very same grainy photo that so TOTALLY creeped out Elena, the first time she and Stefan “did the deed.”

“You didn’t come back for, Elena.  You came back here to fall in love with me all over again, didn’t you?”  Katherine coos.

Stefan moves toward her slowly, as TVD fans collectively hold their breaths.  He then runs his hand across her cheek, and looks deeply into her eyes.  “What is it about you  . . . that makes me still care?”  Stefan whispers.

The two start making out hard core!

And it is HOT, with a capital “H”.  But you know what’s hotter?  When he STAKES HER ASS!

And, as if all of this wasn’t kinky enough?   Stefan then chains Katherine up in his basement.  He then angrily knocks over a chair, and tosses it across the room, as he rushes toward her — growling and groaning, just inches from her face, while he torturously tickles her with vervain plants.

“I am so turned on right now.  You have NO IDEA!”

As Stefan tries to get to the heart of the REAL reason behind Katherine’s return, Katherine continues to fill in the blanks from that fateful night in 1864, when (1) the Salvatore Brothers were turned vamps; (2) the Hidey Hole Vampires first were entombed, and (3) Katherine escaped Mystic Falls.  According to Katherine, she had struck a deal with George the Werewolf Lockwood.  Katherine gave up all of her vampire friends and family, in exchange for safe passage out of Mystic Falls on the night of the raid.  She also gave George the same precious moonstone that Mason has been so intent on getting from Tyler this Season.

You know what that means, don’t you?  Remember that whole Big Brave Effort the Salvatore Brothers made to rescue Vampire Katherine from the clutches of the evil townspeople?  You know, the one that resulted in their DEATHS at the hands of their own FATHER, as well as their subsequent rebirths, as a result of Stefan EATING THEIR FATHER?

Yeah, that was all a TOTAL WASTE OF TIME!

But here’s the kicker . . .  lies and manipulations aside, Katherine and Stefan (those two crazy old fogeys), really did seem to be in love, back in the day!

Stefan was definitely NOT under compulsion, when he first told Katherine that he loved her, on the night of the Founders’ Day Ball.  “I’ve never met a woman quite like you.  You are an angel.  (Katherine?  An ANGEL?  HAHAHAHA) When I touch your skin my body ignites.  I kiss you, and I know that I am falling in love.”

(Sappy . . . but sweet.  Who knew our Little Stefan was so poetic?  Then again, Dude does keep a DIARY!)

“Hey!  There is nothing wrong with a sexy man who’s in touch with his feminine side!”

And I’ll be darned if our Evil Vampiress didn’t look like quite the smitten kitten, while a 1864 Stefan deftly pawed at her face.

In fact, Katherine was so shocked by the extent of her feelings, that she blew off Damon’s advances later that night — going as far as to COMPEL him to LEAVE HER ALONE!

Who does THAT to boys that look like THIS?

“Seriously?”

Oh, and when the towns people were about to burn her ass to a crisp, if she didn’t leave town IMMEDIATELY, you know what Katherine did?  She WENT BACK .  . .

 . . . and fondled / made out with Stefan’s CORPSE, telling it that they would one day be “together again.”

Yes!  I know it was a hot corpse!  But COME ON people!  A hot Dead Guy is still a Dead Guy!

Question: If a Dead Girl makes out with a Corpse, would she be considered a Necrophiliac, or just an Equal Opportunist?

I’m not trying to be judgmental Katherine.  Every girl has a “type.”  Yours just happen to be ancient, sleep in coffins and be maggot-infested.  Different strokes, for different folks, I guess.  PLEASE don’t eat me . . .

Lamest Barbecue EVER!

Useless Aunt Jenna?  Can we talk?  You just had a barbecue at your house with THREE HOT MEN — two of whom had superhuman strength . . .

 . . . the other one was Alaric.

You could have done ANYTHING you wanted!  Fun things!  X-rated things!  Things that did not require clothing!  And you chose . . . PICTIONARY?

ARE YOU INSANE??????????

I love how the writers try to make Useless Aunt Jenna out to be this Uber Slutty Former Rebel. And yet, every time, she appears on screen, she does moronically dull things like this.  But while Useless Aunt Jenna proceeds to get wasted at her own party, and, thereby, increasingly more useless, Damon entertains himself, by trying to see how many “wolf” puns he can make at Mason’s expense, before the dog bites him in the nuts.

“Lone wolf, Dances with Wolves, Hungry like the Wolf, the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood, the wolf in the Three Little Pigs.  Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf? . . . I’m going to take a shot every time I come up with one of these.  Hopefully, being inebriated will make this party more interesting.”

Things between “the Wolf” and “the Vampire” start out friendly enough, with Mason telling Damon, that he has “heard great things about him.”

“That’s weird, because I have a really big  ‘m a dick,” replies Damon.  (Oh COME ON!  Like I was REALLY only girl who “went there” with that comment . .  .)

However, after the umpteeth time Damon calls Mason “wolf-something” and tries to “silver” him, our favorite lycanthrope starts to wonder whether something is up.  “Listen, I’m not your enemy,” offers Mason, conciliatorily.

“You tried to kill my brother,” notes Damon matter-of-factly.  “I mean, granted, I tried to do kill him too a few times during Season 1.  But we’re related.  So, it’s OK.  But for you, it’s unacceptable.  The only one allowed to kill Stefan is ME!”  (OK, he didn’t say that last part.  But he SHOULD have!)

Mason then makes some lame excuse for the attempted murder of Stefan — something about not being able to control himself, after shifting and blah blah blah.  “Let’s not spark an age old feud that doesn’t apply to us,” insists Mason, ever the Serene Surfer Dude.

A slightly Drunk Damon reluctantly extends his arm for a manly handshake . . . and then . . . STAKES MASON WITH A SILVER KNIFE!

 

“That was so totally NOT COOL, dude!  You just like need to catch a wave, and CHILL man.  Spark a doobie or something!”

Mason is not really so mad at Damon for the whole “trying to kill him thing” as he is about the whole “ruining his buzz” thing.  “I was really looking forward to Last Call,” whines Mason.  “Now you’ve made an enemy.”

“Well, DUH!”

Back at home, Mason gets up in Tyler’s grill, about  the teens refusal to give him his “family jewels.”  Then, the Lone Wolf / Silver Surfer FINALLY reveals what it is that activates the Lockwood curse.  You have to .  . . KILL SOMEONE!

Me-thinks Mason Lockwood just got a WHOLE LOT more interesting . . .

Team Mean Girls Strikes Out

From the moment Vampire Katherine stole into Vampire Caroline’s room and told her that they were going to have “so much fun together,” we all knew it would be only a matter of time, before the pair were up to no good.  This week, we got to see exactly what “so much fun together” meant.  Apparently, Team Mean Girls’ mission, should they choose to accept it, is to “Break Up Stefan and Elena” — a task that is easier SAID than DONE.

“Tell me about it!  I couldn’t even manage it, and I . . . look like ME!”

For Katherine’s part, she appeals to the “self-sacrificing” side of Stefan, which is, coincidentally, the same trait that convinced Caroline to get Matt to dump her, once she turned vamp.  Katherine, who had only pretended to be trapped by Stefan because chains are SEXY so that he would be forced listen to her story (Apparently, she’s built up some immunity to vervain), eventually, frees herself from her chains and attacks Stefan.  The vixen even goes so far as to stake Little Salvatore in his Hoo-Ha, after he finds himself morally unable to finish her off.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“I will snap her [Elena’s] neck like a twig, and you know it,” threatens Katherine.

Elena’s neck.

“I will kill everyone she loves, while she watches.  And then I will kill her, while YOU watch,” Katherine continues.

(Awwww!  How sweet!)

Meanwhile, Caroline is busy engaging Elena in what I like to call the Twilight Talk.

With a whiny-ness that would make Bella Swan proud, Caroline fills Elena’s head with fears of wearing diapers, “while your boyfriend is still ridiculously hot” . . .

. . . never being able to have Baby Vamps . . .

. . . and always having to worry about your boyfriend eating you.  When Elena gets worried about Stefan not picking up his phone, Caroline offers to “drive Elena to Stefan’s house, to make sure he’s OK.”  Caroline then proceeds to let the air out of her tires, while Elena isn’t looking, so the pair will have to wait for the tow truck driver.  Eventually, an Angry Elena ditches Caroline’s Mischievous Butt and escapes to La Casa de Rich and Awesome.

It is there that she runs into Katherine.

The two size eachother up a bit, like a couple of kids playing “Steal the Bacon.”  I’m pretty sure, Katherine even went as far as to sniff Elena’s face.   Weird.  

“How is this possible?  How do we look exactly alike?”  Elena inquires.

Easy.  We are both played by Nina Dobrev.  You are asking the wrong question,” replies Katherine tauntingly, before disappearing into thin air.

Almost immediately, Stefan appears, and gives Elena a much deserved hug.

Outside La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Katherine encounters Damon, and warns him that, if he messes with the werewolves and tries to play hero, he will get himself killed.

“Been there, done that,” remarks Damon boredly.  (He’s got a point!)

Later that night, at the only bar / social establishment in Mystic Falls, Elena and Stefan get into a “fight” over how big of a threat Katherine is to Elena.  Elena pouts a bit and acts jealous, while Stefan admits that Katherine had “already come between them.”  The last remark causes Elena to stalk off.  Then, both Caroline and Damon, who are eavesdropping nearby, with their FABULOUS vampire ears, sprout identical sh*t-eating grins on their faces. 

Honestly, the fight seemed TOTALLY fake to me, from the moment it started.  I didn’t believe it was real for a second, and have a lot of trouble believing that Damon would fall for a poor showing like that.  Nevertheless, later, back at Elena’s house, Stefan and Elena hug again, and vow to keep their continued relationship a secret, in order to protect Elena from the wrath of Katherine, and her new minion, Caroline.

You know what that means don’t you?  Lots of SUPER HOT SECRET SEX!

There you have it folks — a trip down “Memory Lane.”  So, what did you think?  Have you become a Team Kefan convert?  How long do you think Stefan and Elena will be able to keep up their “breakup charade?”  How far will Caroline fall into Katherine’s clutches to protect herself from harm?  Who do you think Tyler will eventually kill to become a full-fledged werewolf?  And, finally . . . and most importantly . . . in a fight between Mason Lockwood and Damon Salvatore . . . who do you think would look better naked? 😉

See you next week!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Hungry Like the Wolf – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Bad Moon Rising”

I gotta say, given the build up this whole “Lockwood Curse” has had since the end of last season, Mason’s big drooly “Presto Chango,” this week, was kind of “all bark, no bite,” wasn’t it?  I mean, literally . . . he snarled, he barked . . . he made googly eyes at Tyler, like he was the boy’s “b*tch” (no pun intended).  He just didn’t .  . . you know . . . bite

To be honest, that was a little disappointing.  You see, I thought for SURE that random ho-bag, Amy (who is NOT to be confused with my fabulous blogger pal, who shares the same name, BTW), was a prime candidate to become Dog Meat / win the Senseless Death of the Week Award.

I was wrong . . .

This is not to say that there weren’t ANY fun things about “Bad Moon Rising.”  For example, I thought the “B” plot was quite intriguing . . . or, perhaps, I should call it the D and E plot . . .

I’ll have what SHE’S having . . .

So, without further adieu, what do you say we chain ourselves to our minivans, and bark at the moon?

Or . . . maybe we’ll just get started with the recap, instead?

Return of the “Rick”

Hey, boys and girls!  Guess who’s back with a Brand New Nickname, and a “Useless” New Girlfriend?

Our episode begins with one of TVD’s classic Pow Wows of Sexiness and Plot Explanation.  Said Pow Wow is held, of course, at the typical headquarters for such events, namely, the Salvatore Brothers’ Casa de Rich and Awesome.  Joining our usual trio of attendees to the Pow Wow is Alaric Saltzman, who, suddenly, everyone is referring to as “Rick.”  

This makes Alaric the only character on this show to actually have a nickname (except for Damon, who I sometimes refer to as “My Boyfriend.”)

If you want him, you will have to get through me first . . .

Why did they invite Alaric, you ask?  Because it was the third episode, and the writers figured it was about time Matt Davis had some lines. You see, the Salvatore brothers . . .

 in their infinite wisdom (and insane hotness), recalled that Alaric’s former wife, Isobel

 Known aliases: Elena’s Bio Mom, Heartless Vampire B*tch 

 . . . was a doctoral candidate at Duke University, who studied  “folklore.”  Apparently, said “folklore” didn’t only include vampires.  It also included lycanthropes or, more specifically, werewolves.

Kudos to the writers for providing us a (sort of) explanation here, as to why our favorite Vampire Detective Agency (Stefan and Damon) has been so unbelievably slow in figuring out what the rest of us have known for about half a season now: namely, that the Lockwood’s are, literally, Dirty Dawgs! 

“I’ve been on this planet 160-odd years, and I’ve never seen one.  If werewolves exist, where the hell are they?”  Damon inquires, throwing in a dash of his trademark “Eye Thing” for good measure.

“My mouth may be talking about wolves, but my eyes are TOTALLY undressing Elena, right now . . .”

 And then, just in case his youthful charm and unmatched good looks had made you temporarily forget, Damon chose this moment to remind fans just how OLD of a fogey he really is, by making, not one, but TWO Lon Chaney (Junior and Senior) references, and one Bela Lugosi one.  Now, while I knew that Bela Lugosi was the original Hollywood Vampire . . .

He’s not too bad looking — definitely NO Salvatore brother, though.

  . . . I’ll admit, I had to Google the two Lon Chaneys.  Apparently, the younger one played Wolfman in movies (hence, the reference here).  Also apparently, when he wasn’t in costume . . . Wolfman was actually kind of hot.

The Lost Salvatore Brother?

As for his father . . .

 . . . well, I’m sure he had a really nice personality.

Anyway, recognizing that having werewolves in Mystic Falls would be, in Damon’ words, “not good” for our little Scooby Gang, Damon and Alaric decide to take a trip down to Duke to “borrow” Isobel’s research on the creatures. 

Damon and Alaric:  Together again.  How bromantic!

Meanwhile, Elena, who is desperate to find out why she looks so much like Vampire Katherine, sees Isobel’s research as a possible treasure trove of information on the subject of her doppelganger. 

So, despite the fact that, Damon, the vampire she is desperately attracted to and can’t stop thinking about hates, is going on the trip, Elena decides to tag along.  Unfortunately, for Elena, Stefan  . . .

 . . . has to babysit Baby Vamp Caroline . . .

 . . . and can’t come along.  But that’s OK!  Elena can still use Stefan to make Damon jealous!

OK, Elena.  Now, I actually like the whole “meanspirited-ness” thing you have going on during this episode.  So, I’m going to give you an “A” for effort.  But here’s a little hint:  when you are trying to prove to someone that you are “so over them,” you might want to try .  . . oh. .  . I don’t know .  . . NOT staring longingly at that person, while you are MAKING OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.  . . just saying.

What Elena was doing . . .

What Elena was thinking . . .

While Elena is OUTSIDE tonguing Stefan and eye-f*cking Damon, Alaric / Rick is inside, hitting on Useless Aunt Jenna .  . .

However, when things get too close for comfort, suddenly Alaric is all “I’m not ready for a relationship.  It’s not you it’s me, blah, blah blah.”

(Honestly, I’m not really sure why we are supposed to CARE about whether Alaric dates Useless Aunt Jenna.  I guess it’s just a way for Alaric to kill time, while he waits for his TRUE LOVE, Damon, to realize that he exists . . .)

Picspam courtesy of http://fyeahteambadass.tumblr.com/

“You hate me, huh?  That sounds like the BEGINNING of a love story, to me . . . not the end of one.”

During the ride to Duke University, a Super Sulky Elena rides in the back, while the Ambiguously Gay Duo, Damon and Alaric, keep the seats warm, up front.  Damon (who clearly feels that one and 1/4 episodes is MORE than enough time to get over someone trying to MURDER YOUR BABY BROTHER) inquires into the current status of Elena’s “forgiveness” of him.  “You know this pretending to hate me thing, is getting a little silly,” jokes Damon, as he aims his best “Eye Thing” into the back seat of Alaric’s car.

When Elena replies with the obvious — that the murder of one’s brother requires a mourning period more substantial than a commercial break —  Damon notes that there is a very big asterisk next to that statement.

Jeremy is still alive.

(Ahhh, Damon.  Between your obscure fogey film references, and your use of archaic grammatical symbols, you really are proving yourself to be elderly today, aren’t you?)

Elena uses this opportunity to pose to Damon the question fans have been pondering since the Season Premiere, namely: Did Damon see the Ugly Ass Ring of Immortality on Jeremy’s finger, before he decided to break the little guy’s neck?

To this inquiry, Damon responds, “Elena, I SAW the ring.  It’s a big tacky thing.  It’s hard to miss!”

THANK YOU, DAMON!  It’s HIGH TIME someone FINALLY noticed how majorly UGLY this ring is!

More Caroline-y than EVER BEFORE!

Speaking of Ugly Ass Rings, is it any wonder that Caroline bitched about the lack of stylishness of her brand new Vampire Sunscreen one?  “I have to wear this ring for the rest of eternity,” whines Caroline.  “Shouldn’t I at least get to choose what it looks like?” 

(Given the Salvatore brothers TERRIBLE taste in jewelry, I’d be inclined to say “Yes, you should, Caroline.”)

But, perhaps, I should backtrack . . .

At the opening of the episode, Caroline is avoiding Matt (who wants to go down to the old Lockwood Swimming Hole for Tyler’s outdoor party) because she can’t go out in the sun, without frying like bacon . . .

Stefan, recognizing that Bonnie’s witchy powers can make a Vampire Sunscreen Ring, and that being with Matt is Caroline’s one link to whatever humanity she has left, tries to convince Bonnie to do the spell.  But Bonnie doesn’t want to do it, because she is a total asshole worried that Caroline will hurt someone again, if allowed to walk in the light. 

(Ummm Bonnie, what time of day did Caroline kill someone last week?  That’s right .  . . AT NIGHT!  And, therefore, you think that not making the ring for your supposed best friend is going to save lives because . . .)

Hello, there, person who is a FEMALE, a MINORITY, and a WITCH.  Perhaps, you’d be interested in learning a thing or two about TOLERANCE of other species  . . .

Ultimately, Bonnie agrees to place a spell on Caroline’s ring, but only after she ANNOYINGLY lectures Caroline about the whole “not killing people” thing, like the lame ass Debbie Downer-witch she’s become.  Then, after instructing Caroline on the importance of preserving all life, Bonnie nonchalantly risks burning Caroline to a crisp, by ripping open the shades to her bedroom, and LETTING THE SUNSHINE IN!

Keep smiling, and shining, knowing you can always count on me, for sure . . . that’s what friends are for!

Once Caroline is cleared for Sun Worship, Papa Stefan (ever the understanding parent) allows her to attend Tyler’s party, provided she feed on bunnies with him first . . .

“You don’t want to eat ME, do you Caroline?  Might I interest you in some Tasty B*tchy Bonnie-witch, instead?”

When a stressed-out Caroline unloads all her neuroses on poor Stefan, during their morning hunt, he notes wryly that “when someone becomes a vampire, all their natural personality traits are amplified.” (NEW VAMPIRE RULE ALERT!)

Upon hearing this, Caroline correctly notes that she will now be an “insecure, neurotic, control freak on crack.”  And, to prove her point, when Caroline reunites with Matt at the Swimming Hole, she goes BALLISTIC on Slutty Amy, for flirting with her man. 

Matt . . .

 . . . far from being turned on by the sheer extent of her girlfriend’s devotion, stomps away from Uber Possessive Caroline in a pouty huff.

Meanwhile, Tyler . . .

. . . has become suspicious of Uncle Mason, after seeing the latter lurking around an old underground “slave cellar.”  It is this suspicion, perhaps, that causes him to ignore Uncle Mason’s warning that it’s a Full Moon. And if Tyler doesn’t get all his friends off the property by nightfall, “someone will wind up wasted, and dead at the bottom of the lake.”

(Well . . . that pretty much sounds like every horror movie, I have EVER SEEN!)

“Pull it out, Baby!  It hurts (SO GOOD)!”

Over at Duke University, Isobel must have been pretty darn important, because her office looks like a Mansion / Ancient Artifact Museum.  And her old student / assistant, Vanessa . . .

(played by Courtney Ford)

 . . . seems literally willing to guard the place with her life.  Moments after the gang arrives, Vanessa shoots a crossbow in Damon’s and Elena’s direction.  The immortal Damon gallantly steps forward to take the proverbial “bullet” on Elena’s behalf.  While Alaric struggles to disarm Courtney, Damon and Elena engage in a thinly veiled sexual conversation over the phallic arrow lodged beneath the muscle fibers of Damon’s perfect abdominals . . .

 Yummy!

“Pull it out!  Pull the damn thing out!  It hurts so goodYES!  YES!  YES!” Damon whines, as Elena straddles him, rocks back and forth a bit, and, finally, breathing heavily, yanks the big stick out of his midsection. 

(Thank you for this, writers.  Clearly, you know how to give this Pervy Fangirl EXACTLY what she wants, while still sticking to your TV-14 rating.)

Watching this scene, I couldn’t help but be reminded of another vampire / human encounter on television.  This one also involved a morally ambiguous vamp “taking a bullet” for an ambivalent human female, and forcing said female to bodily remove the offending weapon from the vampire’s body . . .

I’m referring, of course, to the scene in True Blood, during Season 2.  In that scene, Eric tricked Sookie into sucking a bullet from his stomach, so that she would be forced to swallow his blood, and, thereby, be bonded to him forever . . .

“That b*tch i SOOOO DEAD!”  Damon remarks, referring to the woman who just crossbowed him.

“If you kill her, I will never talk to you again,” threatens Elena, childishly.

“You are starting to manipulate me,” Damon notes wryly.

“And I LOVE being manipulated.  Just ask Vampire Katherine . . .”

When Vanessa has calmed down enough for Alaric to unhand her, the grad student admits that, having reviewed Isobel’s research, she freaked upon running into the Definitely Dead Damon Salvatore, and Elena, a girl who LOOKED just like Vampire Katherine. 

Later, as the crew begins poring through boxes of Isobel’s research, Elena and Vanessa bond over boys and vervain plants.  “He is a first rate, jackass,” Elena whispers to Vanessa, looking over her shoulder at Damon.

Damon overhears and smiles.

“So THAT’S the pet name she plans to call me, when we’re doing the NASTY, tonight!  Daddy LIKE!”

Later, Damon sidles up to Elena to continue their Flirt Fest 2010.  “It’s a bummer we aren’t friends anymore, because I could tell you what I know,” he coos.

“Now who’s manipulating?”  Elena replies, trying to hide the smirk on her face.

Mental F*cking = all of the heat, none of the STDS!

Unfortunately, Vanessa has to ruin all the fun, by launching into a seemingly endless monologue of Plot Explanation Sans Sexiness, which seems to be the only purpose, thus far, for her character being on this show.  Vanessa explains to us that some Aztec curse made vampires Creatures of the Night, and werewolves Servants of the Moon.  She also describes the two species as mortal enemies.  “According to legend, a werewolf bite can kill a vampire,” remarks Vanessa. 

(And what exactly does it do to humans?  Turn them into wolves?  Give them a gnarly tattoo?  I guess we will find out soon enough . . .)

The “Serious” Vampire Look

While Elena and Damon are flirting over at Duke, Stefan and Caroline seem to be flirting with one another, back home.  Just as Stefan teased Caroline earlier about her neuroses, Caroline playfully taunts Stefan about his excessive seriousness, and the  stern looks he keeps giving Mason, at the swimming hole.  And I’ll be darned if the friendly teasing doesn’t cause the usually Serious Stefan to crack a smile or two.

Eventually, however, Caroline runs off to find Boy Toy Matt.

Apologizing for her earlier bad behavior, Caroline promises her beau “no more drama,” and then pulls him into the woods for a substantial makeout session, under the light of the Full Moon.

While the pair are going at it, Stefan receives a call from Elena, in which she relays to him the information she uncovered about werewolves, and the unique brand of danger they pose to vampires.  Ever the concerned Papa, Stefan rushes off to protect Caroline.

Meanwhile, Tyler is in the woods making out with Slutty Amy, a.k.a. Boy Toy Matt’s Sloppy Seconds.  Apparently, the girl had taken Caroline’s mind control command to “go after someone single” literally.  To Tyler’s credit, when Slutty Amy awakens from her compulsion, and ditches Tyler’s ass, he doesn’t go into a rage, like Season 1 Tyler would probably do. 

(I guess the writers are trying to make this Teen Wolf more likeable, after all . . .)

“Oh, come on!  How could you NOT like me?  I wear pajamas to my own keggar!  Now, if that doesn’t make me a Loveable Dork, I don’t know what does!”

Down in the underground cellar, Mason has chained himself to some rocks, to protect Tyler and his friends from his Wolfy Wrath.  However, upon hearing his cousin’s voice above ground, Mason decides to relocate . . . to also ABOVE GROUND.  Mason eventually chains himself to his van . . . which to me seems like THE DUMBEST IDEA EVER! 

So let me get this straight . . . you were concerned about hurting the teens located MANY FEET ABOVE YOU.  So, you decided to . . . come to ground level and be CLOSER TO THEM? 

“If this car’s a rockin, don’t come a knockin'”

When the Full Moon finally hits the sky two things happen that should surprise presisely NO ONE. (1) Caroline vamps out on Matt and tries to eat him; (2) and Mason, upon turning wolf, breaks free of the chains attaching him to his van.

DUH!

Fortunately, two more FAIRLY predictable things happen, to prevent anyone from getting hurt:  (1) Stefan tackles Caroline to the ground, before she has a chance to finish her Matt Sandwich;

“This is me, playing the HERO again .  . . and looking Super Sexy in my Hoodie of Hedonism.”

and (2) Tyler stares down Wolfy Mason, preventing him from attacking Stefan and Caroline.

“This is ME, doing my Endzone Dance, because my character is FINALLY relatively sympathetic.”

When it is all over, Tyler confronts a VERY DIRTY and VERY NAKED (but still tasty) Mason about his wolfishness (See picture above).  Nearby, Caroline compels Matt to forget that she ate him.  Stefan then gives him vervain, to protect him from being a future Snack de Caroline. 

Then, Papa and Baby Vamp engage in a conversation about the difficulties associated with protecting the humans they love from their own vampiric darksides.  Following that conversation, Caroline purposefully ruins her relationship with Matt, in order to protect him from her.

To see her break down in tears after Matt dumped her immortal butt was truly heartbreaking.  In making this decision, Caroline has performed a truly selfless act, one that not even the Saintly Stefan was capable of accomplishing.  The question is . . . now that she no longer has Matt to keep her on the straight and narrow, where will Caroline find that ever important link to her humanity?

“Hint:  It sure as hell won’t be from ME!”

Vampire Katherine’s arrival in Caroline’s room at the end of the episode, followed by her threatening, yet intriguing pronouncement — “Don’t be frightened.   We are going to have so much fun together!” — certainly didn’t bode well for the future of Vampire Caroline’s soul . . .

The Darker Side of Elena

After a lame-o scene, during which Alaric makes Useless Aunt Jenna his official Lame Ladyfriend, we are returned to the MAIN EVENT . . .

Upon arriving home from Duke University, Damon corners Elena, once again, by the car door.  Their mutually beautiful faces are just inches away from locking lips. 

“Road trips work well for us,” remarks Damon, glibly.  “You know I chipped away at your Wall of Hatred.”

A scene from Damon and Elena’s FIRST road trip.  Ahhh, memories!

Throughout most of the Duke trip, Elena has been trying to get Damon to spill the information he has on Vampire Katherine — information that, hopefully, can help Elena understand why she looks so much like her.  “Friends don’t manipulate friends,” Elena mutters, early on in the trip, when Damon, once again refuses to share.

And yet, at the end of the night, Damon is feeling remarkably generous.  Sensing some softening in Elena’s resolve against him, he tells her that Katherine’s last name was “Petrova,” and hands her a book on the Petrova lineage.  “Men snoop too, you know,” he says slyly.

But then, he becomes serious . . .

“You have every right to hate me.  I understand.  But you hated me before, and we became friends.  It would suck if it was gone forever.  Is it is it gone forever?”

Of course, it’s not gone forever.  I LOVE YOU, you Big Fangy Lug!  Thank you for the book, Damon,” Elena replies, demurely.

And that’s when Elena finally works up the courage to ask Damon directly the question that has been plaguing us all.  “Did you know Jeremy was wearing the ring, when you broke his neck?”

Damon admits that he didn’t.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!  (I still refuse to believe it.)

Elena tears up at the admission, but thanks Damon for being honest.  “You have lost me forever,” she whispers.

NOOOOOOOO! (I refuse to believe THAT too!)

Now, it is Damon’s turn to be hurt and angered.  “You knew that already.  You used me today.  I thought friends didn’t manipulate friends,” he says, throwing Elena’s own words from earlier in the evening back in her face.

But Damon knows the unspoken response to that too.  Elena was OK with manipulating Damon, because she doesn’t consider him a friend .  . . not anymore.

“You and Katherine have a lot more in common than just your looks,” remarks Damon, before walking away.

She TOTALLY deserved that.

Don’t worry, Damon.  You’ll get her back, eventually.  Sexy television characters, like you, are ALWAYS forgiven for your evils.  So, for now, just go back to La Casa de Rich and Awesome.  Relax.  Pour yourself a drink . . .

or TEN . . .

Be sure to practice your trademark “Eye Thing” in front of the mirror . . .

Tomorrow is another day . . .

[www.juliekushner.com]

 

 

 

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Vampires Get Puffy Eye Bags Too – A Vampire Diaries Recap of the Episode “Unpleasantville”

            Tonight’s retro, 50s themed episode of The Vampire Diaries was a sock-hopping, soda-popping, poodle skirt-wearing good time, for a number of reasons.  For one thing, we got to imagine what the stars of our favorite gothic teen drama would look like if they had, instead, been cast in a remake of Happy Days.  Starring Damon Salvatore as “The Fonz”!

Eyyyy!

            Secondly, this episode introduced us to a brand new piece of refreshingly recognizable eye candy, in the form of the always-yummy Sean Faris, who plays the hopefully recurring beverage-slinging “washed up ex-jock” / potential love interest of Bonnie / evil vampire, Ben McKittrick.

          Finally, we maintained the recent trend established in this show of one senseless death per episode.  Oh, Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire, we hardly knew thee . . .

        With those three things in mind, let us sharpen up our fake fangs, smear some ketchup on our lips, and get on with the recap, shall we?

More Baby Mamma Drama for Elena

            Early on in the episode, Elena confronts Aunt Jenna about her revelations of the past week. 

(By the way, the writers kind of glossed over exactly how Elena broached this sensitive subject to her current guardian.  Perhaps it went something like this:  “Hey Auntie, my vampire boyfriend found out I was adopted, because he rescued me from the car crash that killed our parents, using his superhuman strength.  He then stalked me at the hospital to make sure I wasn’t his long-undead girlfriend from the Civil War era, who happens to look just like me.”) 

          Aunt Jenna confirms that Elena was, in fact, adopted.  According to Jenna, Elena’s biological mom was a teenage runaway who the Gilberts took into their home.  Elena’s dad, a doctor, delivered Elena, and when the runaway disappeared, the Gilberts, who had, up to this point, been unable to conceive a child, doctored the birth certificate and raised Elena as their own.  When pressed for further details, Jenna offers that Elena’s biological mother was named Isabel and that she had grown up right in their home town. 

            Later, we find out that Alaric’s wife, the woman tragically (killed?) (turned?) by Damon, was also named Isabel.  Coincidence?  Probably not, given how this show has progressed thus far.  And yet, this development raises some intriguing questions that will likely come into play as the series progresses.  Could Alaric be Elena’s biological father?  Could Damon?  (Ick, I hope not.)  How is Isabel (and, by extension, Elena) related to the currently entombed vampire Katherine?  Perhaps Isabel is still alive . . . or maybe even undead?

                Speaking of Alaric, he used his time as chaperone of the school dance to interrogate Damon as to the latter’s reasons for being in town.  Instantly suspicious, Damon tries his mind bendy trick on Alaric to ascertain his true intentions.  At first, Alaric’s interest in Damon seems genuinely innocent, and Damon is led off the scent.  However, later, we find that Alaric’s hands are filled with crushed vervain, making him immune to Damon’s hypnotic charms.  This begs the question, how much exactly does Alaric know about the Salvatore brothers?

Unlike Druggie Jeremy, Stepford Jeremy Doesn’t Do Vampire Love

            It appears that the total 180 Elena’s little brother has done, personality-wise, since Damon did that little mind-bendy thing on him, after Vicki’s untimely undead death has, in fact, stuck.  The former rebel is now getting A’s on extra credit papers, kissing up to teachers by offering them up precious and rare family heirlooms, and serving un-spiked punch at school dances.  In short, he’s become a nerd . . . and a celibate one at that.

            In fact, throughout the episode, Jeremy diligently fends off the advances of the increasingly needy-seeming home-school history buff, Anna.  However, it isn’t until Anna shows up at his school dance uninvited, and insists that he steal back his ancestor’s journal from his history teacher, so he can give it to her instead, that I started to really worry for the youngest Gilbert.  Visions of Fatal Attraction and boiled bunnies danced in my head. 

 

“I will not be ignored . . . Jeremy!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYpeKbHKVbU

            Then of course, Amy got those tell tale black lines on her face. And her eyes got all puffy and rimmed with dark circles.  Apparently, on Vampire Diaries, this is a sign of vampiric hunger.  But for me, that’s just what I happen to look like when I wake up in the morning.  Go figure!  As it turns out Amy is a “bad vampire” who teamed up with the Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire who tried to kill Elena in last week’s episode, in order to free Katherine and the other vamps eternally locked underground in a tomb. 

Geez, how slutty was this Katherine?  Because apparently there wasn’t a vampire in Virginia, male or female who didn’t “hit” that one . . .

“Oh my God, you killed Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire!  You Bastard!”

 

            Like another well-known slow walking, hoodie-wearing character, this episode introduced us to a guy who knows how to die, but can’t seem to stay dead.  When we first met this Vampire (i.e. he already died once), he had just been hit by Elena’s car, and appeared to be dead (again).  Then, he tried to kill Elena, before being stopped by Damon.  He starts off this episode by stalking Elena via cell phone.  In an effort to protect his girlfriend, Stefan provides her with her own family heirloom (Way to regift, d-bag!), a pocket watch that points out the whereabouts of nearby blood suckers.

            Later, as Elena prepares for the school dance, the pocket watch starts going haywire.  Elena understandably freaks out and calls Stefan, only to have Damon pick up the phone.  When Damon informs her that Stefan is on the way to her house, Elena relaxes, convinced that the pocket watch is merely illustrating the presence of her lover . . . that is until she finds Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire lounging around on her ceiling.  Stefan quickly comes to her rescue, and the undead dude gets away.

            Stefan calls Damon. Then, the newly-formed Scooby Gang (every teen show has one) plot their revenge.  Recognizing that now that Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire has been invited into Elena’s home (he posed as a pizza boy), and that he will not stop until he kills her, the trio decide to use Elena as bait at the dance in order to confront the guy.  Elena reluctantly agrees.  So, off to the dance we go.

            Things start off fairly normal, with Elena and Stefan sharing a slow dance, and Elena teasing Stefan about his age.  “You’re so teaching me the hand jive,” she insists.  (Elena, honey, I was still about three decades away from being born during the 50’s, and I know how to hand jive.  Like most self-respecting women, I learned from watching Grease.  And you call yourself a girl  . . .)

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcZjpGeHhR4

            Stefan soon leaves Elena alone and heads off to pursue a guy he thinks is Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vamp.  (It ends up being a ruse).  Once alone, Elena receives a cryptic phone call, informing her that she must meet Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire, or her brother dies. Elena walks into the trap and is attacked by “the hooded one,” who she stakes with a pencil, but to no avail.  (Aren’t they supposed to like, disintegrate, or something?  I mean it worked pretty well for Vicki and Lexi, right?)  Then both Stefan AND Damon come to the rescue, each taking turns fatally staking Hoodie Dude with available pointed objects.  The problem is . . . dude just won’t die.

            And so, the Scooby Gang takes this opportunity to interrogate the staked vamp about Katherine, who the latter claims to know.  According to this vamp, they will need Bonnie’s ancestor Emily’s Grimindor (sp? – Every time they mentioned this word on the show, I found myself thinking about Harry Potter’s House at Hogwarts, very similar name, right?) to free Katherine from the tomb. 

 

(If you recall, earlier in the episode Stefan agreed to help Damon free Katherine, provided the latter let the other entombed vampires die, and left town.  Later, an unusually devious Stefan revealed to Elena that he had no intention of helping Damon with his nefarious plan.)

            With one last staking Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire FINALLY dies and all is right in the world.  Or is it?

A Date with a Vampire

            After setting her sights on the older man (the question is how much older, years . . . or centuries), Bonnie strikes up some flirtatious conversation with Ben McKittrick, a former high school football star who now tends bar in town.  Eventually Bonnie gets the courage to ask her crush out  . . . for karaoke night?  (Note to Bonnie:  unless you are Jordin Sparks, this is a terrible — I repeat, terrible — idea for a first high school date.)  McKittrick declines the opportunity to be the next Vampire Idol, but agrees to date Bonnie elsewhere. 

            However, just in case you were getting excited about the blossoming romance between these two, moments later McKittrick is attacked by none other than Jeremy’s creepy home schooled vamp friend, Anna.  However, instead of killing him, she kisses him.  As it turns out, these two are a blood-sucking vampiric item, equally intent on freeing Katherine from her underground grave.  So much for a healthy relationship, Bonnie . . .

Caroline Gets Her Man

            In the “living” relationship world, Caroline finds herself repeatedly frustrated by her “friend” Matt.  Apparently, Matt’s inability to get over Elena, and his seeming unwillingness take things to the next level with Caroline, are becoming a major buzz kill for the blond vixen.  When Matt gives Caroline the cold shoulder, Caroline confronts him.  Matt explains to her that he is not ready to enter into another relationship, using the classic cop out line, “It would just ruin our friendship.” 

          Having, personally, both said and received this line, I can tell you firsthand, it usually isn’t taken well.  And this time is no exception.  Caroline declares the pair’s friendship over and storms out.

            Moments later, in a move that seems custom-made for teen dramas and romantic comedies, Matt follows Caroline out with his car, and before she can yell at him some more, he pulls her in for a romantic kiss right in the middle of the street.  After doing this, he says, “This will never work,” before kissing her some more.  Yeah, we know, Matt . . . but it is fun to watch, anyway . . .

            And that was our show, in a nutshell . . .  Tune in next week, when we go further back in time to analyze Slutty Vampire Katherine’s origins.

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