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Step Inside The Secret Circle – A Look at one of the CW’s Most Promising New Fall Series

“Hi!  We are a group of extremely attractive, well-dressed, early twenty-somethings, pretending to be teens.  One of our favorite hobbies is to stare at the camera, in a vaguely angry (but, not too threatening) way.”

I’ll start off by saying that I don’t have the best luck writing these types of posts.  The last new “fall premiere program,” I previewed on my blog, before the pilot aired, was a show called My Generation.  Don’t remember it?  Maybe, that’s because it got CANCELLED AFTER TWO EPISODES!

And yet, given that THIS new program is (1)  is based on popular book series, written by the same author who penned The Vampire Diaries; (2) is being produced by Kevin Williamson, the Big Kahuna behind The Vampire Diaries; (3)  will air on the CW, Thursday nights, directly AFTER The Vampire Diaries, I feel fairly confident that this show will last AT LEAST half a season, if not longer . . .

I am so insanely beautiful and talented, that merely by standing in close proximity to me, YOU will also appear to be more beautiful and talented.”

So, now that I’ve (hopefully) proven that reading this blog post will not be a TOTAL waste of your time maybe just a partial waste? let’s delve into The Secret Circle, shall we?

The Source

As I mentioned earlier, this upcoming CW series (like the successful Vampire Diaries franchise before it) will be based on a collection of L.J. Smith novels bearing the same name.  The Secret Circle book series was a trilogy comprised of the following novels: (1) The Initiation, (2) The Captive, and (3) The Power.  Both the television and the book series revolve around a girl named Cassie,  who learns that she is a powerful teenage witch, who just so happens to belong to an elite “circle” of OTHER powerful teenage witches.  And yet, if The Secret Circle television series is anything like The Vampire Diaries television series, that’s about where the similarities between the books and the TV show will end . . .

One main difference between the books and television series that already has fans buzzing is the size of the titular Circle, itself.  The book calls for a coven of twelve teens to complete the circle, whereas the show only seems to require six.  Granted, in terms of consistent character development, a twelve-member regular cast can seem a bit overwhelming to some writers . . .

On the other hand, a number of fans question the showrunner’s decision to excise so many potential HOT MALE WARLOCk roles, on a show geared predominately toward young FEMALES.  In terms of teenage male leads, The Secret Circle only has two, for now.  Will a choice between just two dudes be enough to please fangirls, in the long term?  That remains to be seen . . .

The Cast of Characters

Leading lady, Cassie Blake, who undoubtedly will eventually become romantically involved with BOTH male leads (Sound familiar?) . . .

 . . . will be played by Brittany Robertson.   Some of you might remember Brittany as Lux from the recently canceled CW series, Life Unexpected. You also might recognize her as one of the many dead girls in Scream 4.  (Sorry to spoil the movie for you guys!).

Thomas Dekker plays the brooding and soulful, Adam Conant, boyfriend of “Good Witch” Diana Meade, and main love interest of Cassie Blake.  You might remember Thomas as John Connor from the recently canceled Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, or as, one of the many dead guys in The Nightmare on Elm Street remake.  (Am I the only one who is starting to notice a pattern, here?)

Phoebe Tonkin plays the bitchy, power-hungry, Mean Girl / potential “Bad Witch,” Faye Chamberlain.  Aussies might recognize Phoebe as Cleo from the the television series H20: Just Add Water.  She also played Fiona in the film Tomorrow, When the War Began.

Speaking of Aussies, Louis Hunter, who plays the flirtatious and slightly arrogant (but still sexy) Nick Armstrong, is, perhaps, best known for his role as Kyle in the Australian series, Out of the Blue.

Kind-hearted head witch, Diana Meade will be played by Shelley Hennig, who soap opera fans might remember as Stephanie Johnson on Days of Our Lives.

Rounding out the titular Secret Circle as Faye’s Mean Girl Sidekick witch, Melissa Glaser, is Jessica Parker Kennedy, who fans of the CW’s Smallville might remember as comic book villain, Plastique.

Arguably the shows most recognizable cast member, Gale Horold, plays the murderous Thomas Meade.  Television credits for Gale Harold include Hellcats, Queer as Folk, and Desperate Housewives.

And finally . . .

While perhaps best known as a freaky man-killing alien from the movie, Species, Natasha Henstridge, who plays the not quite trustworthy Principal Chamberlain, also had starring roles in television programs, including, Eli Stone and She Spies.

Analyzing the Extended Promo

Now, that you’ve met the cast, it’s time to take a look at the Extended Promo, which I plan to discuss in more detail below.  So, watch and learn, Witches and Warlocks! 

(Note: Due to some SUPER ANNOYING copyright restrictions, it looks like they’ve removed the extended promo for this show from EVERYWHERE it was posted, except for the CW Website, itself.  Nevertheless, if you still want to “watch with ME,” feel free to click on this link, either before, or while, you are viewing the analysis below.)

:00 – “My sweet Cassie, I did not want you to have this life.  But Destiny is not easy to run from.”

“Grrrrrrrr!  ROAD RAGE!”

Poor Cassie!  Apparently, “Destiny” is not easy to drive from, either.  We aren’t 30 seconds into the trailer, and already, Cassie has been driven off the road by some Asshat Driver, got a flat tire, and is about to lose cell phone reception, while stranded in Middle of Nowhere U.S.A..  Of course, judging by what happens to her next, this is probably the BEST part of her night . . .

:30 – “I know how to change a TIRE, MOM!”

Here’s a hint:  Don’t get too attached to Mommy, kids.  Because THIS ONE isn’t going to make it out of the promo alive.  I actually think this might be the first time I’ve ever seen a cast member DIE in the PREVIEW for a pilot episode.  Talk about a SPOILER ALERT!  I mean, that’s gotta be a first, right?  And we all know how much Kevin Williamson likes his BIG BODY COUNTS! 

I’m just wondering why (since Cassie’s mom is supposed to be this Big Powerful Witch) couldn’t she, I don’t know,  cast a spell to prevent her from . . . BEING BURNED ALIVE IN HER OWN HOME?  Weird . . .

:45 – [Insert sound of burning flesh here.]

We are just under the one-minute mark, when we get our first look at the EEEVIIL Thomas Meade, as he bakes Cassie’s mom for dinner.  I found the whole scene pretty shocking, the first time I saw it.  On a Non-Dead Mom note, notice how the Four Elements come into play in this scene.  Witch shows always tend to be big on the whole Four Elements thing, “earth, air, fire, water” and all that.  Notice how, the Evil One drops a bottle of water on the floor to trigger the burst pipe in Cassie’s kitchen, and lights the matches to trigger the fatal gas leak. 

Also, Dude’s got some SERIOUSLY FREAKY EYES!  Are we sure he’s not a vampire?

*sniffs*  “Do you smell something burning?”

1:04 – “Cassie.”

“I think I may have left the oven light on.”

Cassie’s mom .  . . DEAD .  . . in under two minutes.  Impressive.  You know what else I found impressive?  The fact that this good-hearted Mommy’s final thoughts were of her daughter’s soon-to-be orphan status.  (No word on “Daddy” yet.   I’m thinking there’s some sort of Big Backstory there.)  That sure was nice of Mommy to think so selflessly of her kid, while her body was getting barbecued. 

Because you know what MY final thought would have been, if I was in her position?  I suspect it would be something like, “Hmmm . . .  I wonder how painful it is to be burned alive in your own home.  I’m going to guess excruciatingly painful.  Time to test out this theory.” 

Then again, perhaps, it would be something a bit less eloquent, like, for example, “F*&K, I’M GOING TO DIE! AHHHHHHHHHH!”

1:15 – “Welcome to Chance Harbor.”

I noticed that, in the books, the town where the story takes place is called New Salem.  I’m kind of glad they changed it.   Because that would be a bit TOO MUCH Cheesy Witch Symbolism, don’t you think?  And yet, I can’t help but notice all the OBVIOUS parallels between THIS sleepy town, and TVD’s Mystic Falls. 

I mean, think about it, you’ve got the whole Small Town Hiding a Big Supernatural Secret thing . . . the Founding Families thing . .  . even the whole Old Diaries and Letters from the Past Inform the Present thing.  Plus, I’m willing to bet there’s only One Bar / Social Establishment HERE too!

“Been there, drunk that.”

1:25 – “Cassie!  I’m really glad you’re here.”  But I’m not glad that my kid died of some Weird Witchcraft Accident . . . because that would be, you know, inappropriate.”

 “This is the part where my eyes glow bright red, and I snap your neck.  Oh . . . wait . . . wrong show.  Sorry!”

Hmmm . . . Grandma looks pretty young to have a grandchild in her late teens, doesn’t she?  Come to think of it, most of the “parents” on this show, appear to be a bit young looking.  Maybe being a witch comes with anti-aging powers, or something?

I have to say, I’m already worried about Grandma’s fate on this show.  After all, we all know full well that the statistics regarding Grandmas surviving supernatural dramas are not exactly in her favor.  Just ask Sookie’s Granny on True Blood . . .

 . . . or Bonnie’s grandma on The Vampire Diaries .

Oh wait, you can’t ask them . . . because they are both DEAD!

1:35 – “And she will soon discover that her arrival will bring the Town’s Dark Secret to light.”

“If I see anything I haven’t seen before, I’ll throw a dollar at it.”

I love how when the voiceover teased that the Town had “Dark Secrets,” they chose to show us an image of Open-Shirted Nick, of all things . . .

Hot?  Yes.  Damon Salvatore-caliber hot?  No.

So, is that supposed to be the town’s Big Dark Secret, that hot guys hang out in windows with their shirts open?  Still, the fact that this six-minute preview featured BOTH a death, and a half-naked hot man, I find VERY promising . . .

1:37 –

And . . . here we are at Chance Harbor High.  So, do you think Cassie will actually GO TO SCHOOL on this show, or will she be a TOTAL derelict, like Elena Gilbert?

“Hey!  I resent that remark.  I am a VERY good student.  I attend EVERY school dance!”

1:40 – “We are happy to have you here, Cassie.  I’m Principal Chamberlain.  Your mother was  . . . very special to me.  And by “special” I mean I wanted to use my magical powers to turn her into a slug.

I once saw the woman pictured above in a movie, where she enticed a man to have sex with her, seconds before MORPHING INTO A SERIOUSLY UGLY ALIEN LIFEFORM, AND IMPALING HIS HEAD WITH HER SNAKE-LIKE TONGUE!  So, yeah, I don’t care how pretty Principal Chamberlain is, or how nice of a smile she has . . . I don’t trust her!

1:46 – “Have you seen her yet?”

“Did I SEE her?  I did a little striptease for her in front of my bedroom window.  She is now pregnant with my children.  Magical Powers ROCK!”

Well, HELLO LOVE TRIANGLE!  The romantic aspects of this tale COULD prove to be particularly interesting, considering that both of Cassie’s suitors are, at this time, technically “taken” by other members of the Secret Circle.  I’m eager to see how this plays out in the show’s first season.  However, beyond that, I already feel like, if this show wants to last, it’s going to need MORE hot male blood infused in it, and FAST!

1:53 – “She’s meeting a new Circle of Friends.”

Was it just me?  Or did this scene IMMEDIATELY make you think of the movie Mean Girls?  Phoebe Tonkin was ABSOLUTELY channeling Regina George, when she pulled that little locker trick.  Is it any wonder that her sidekick, Melissa, played Plastique in Smallville?  Get it . . . Plastique?  As in . . . The Plastics?

2:02 – “I saw you in school today.  How was your first day?”

*brood, smoulder, smirk, brood, smoulder, smirk*

Adam, i.e. Love Interest Number 1, is clearly angling for the “Dark yet Sensitive Type.”  How original!  It could work though.  So, far, I’m kind of seeing him as a cross between Stefan Salvatore and Jeremy Gilbert.  Anybody else getting those vibes from him?

2:20 – “With her here, we have REAL POWER now!”

 

And so the power to control the Circle begins between the “Good Witch” and the “Bad Witch.”  For the sake of the show, I’m hoping things are a bit more complicated than that.  Otherwise, the dichotomy will get real old, real fast.  I’m definitely liking Faye, as the edgy, yet vulnerable, villainess on the show, however.  She shows real promise . . .

2:33 – “How did the fire go out?”

Only YOU can prevent witchcraft-induced car fires . . .

It’s interesting that Faye, in trying to make Cassie recognize her supernatural abilities, chose, of all things, a Car Fire, especially considering that a Witchy Fire just so happened to be what killed the poor girl’s MOTHER.  And just like I wondered why Cassie’s mom, who KNEW she was a witch, didn’t use her powers to put out the fire, Faye seems to be wondering the same thing about Cassie.

As for the whole Rescue Thing . . .

. . .  did the writers REALLY expect us not to think about Twilight, here.  I know, I know, the book series on which this show is based came out LONG before Twilight did.  But those books also came out before a lot of the future fans of this show were BORN!

For better or worse, Twilight is what we remember NOW.  So, how could the creators of this show not see the quiet brooding supernatural creature, putting out the fire with his “powers,” and rescuing the damsel in distress from the flames, and not immediately think of Edward and Bella?  Just sayin’.

Oh, and Cassie TOTALLY screams like a girl! 🙂

3:09 – “Cassie, wait!  I think I can help.”

Umm . . . yeah, because THAT place isn’t creepy, AT ALL!  It kind of looks like the house at the end of the Blair Witch Project.  *shudders*

We are now half-way through the trailer.  And FINALLY, Cassie gets introduced to the titular “Secret Circle.”  It’s about damn time!

3:32 – “Oh, for god sakes, SPIT IT OUT!  You’re a witch.  You are a full-blooded, 100% witch.  We ALL ARE.”

Haha!  Well, thank you, FAYE!  I always hate when books and television shows take about 35 minutes to come clean about something you already figured out from reading the book jacket or watching the trailer.  At least ONE of the characters on this show has enough sense to call the REST of the characters out on their B.S.  3.5 minutes in, and Faye is already, by far, my favorite character on this show.

3:45 – “Each family has a book.  A book that lays out each family line.”

Ahh, yes the Obligatory Ancient Book wherein you can find the Convenient Cure Alls for all your Plot Problems!  You can’t have a  supernatural series without one!  Speaking of TVD-parallels, as I mentioned earlier, I also found the “six families” concept, to be very “Founding Families-esque. 

Oh, and for those of you who have ever seen the film The Craft, Melissa’s speech, about the Circle only being able to do “lame” spells, until Cassie came along, ABSOLUTELY reminds me of a similar comment made in that film.

 

4:03 – “We can’t let it happen AGAIN.”

Oh, Silly Naive Granny!  Don’t ask the Evil Alien Lady questions like that!  Have I mentioned yet how worried I already am about the fate of this character?

4:17 – “It was covered up.  Something went wrong.  People got hurt.   So, they abolished witchcraft.”

The way they ordered the images in this particular 10-second sequence definitely made it seem as though Thomas Meade killed Cassie’s mom, so that she would be forced to return to Chance Harbor, and complete the “Circle.”  The question is “Why?”  What sort of spell does he want them to cast?

4:28 – “With Cassie here, our powers are magnified ten times over.”

Uh oh!  SOMEONE made it rain, but didn’t remember to bring her umbrella.  Not too swift.

The next sequence features a few images of Faye being “bad ass” with her “rain-making” powers.   I don’t know why they always do crap with the weather in these witch shows.  If I had witchy powers, I’d make myself a millionaire, who looked like a model, and force all hot male celebrities to fall instantly in love with me.  It’s called “creativity” witches.  It’s time you got some .  .  . And I mean that in more ways than one . . . 

We also see that Cassie’s Return has spurred an already restless Faye to more vigorously challenge Diana’s position of power within the Circle.  The problem is, with only six members, being the “leader” of the Circle doesn’t really seem like that big of a deal.  This is definitely a situation where having more “coven” members would have bolstered the plot.

4:45 – “My dear, sweet Cassie.  You finding this means I am gone, and for that I am so sorry.”

Speaking of cliches in supernatural stories . . . here comes the Mandatory, Mildly Touching, Plot Explanation Letter from an Important Dead Person in the Protagonist’s Life  . . . YAY!

4:57 – “It’s incredible.”

Oh, Hell to the NO!  Not another, Romantic Use of Magic Moment!  Where have I seen THIS before?

Oh, that’s right . . . EVERYWHERE!  And, then we have the Almost Kiss . . .

Now, THAT is what I call an appropriate use of your powers, Adam . . . the power to get into your not-girlfriend’s panties.  Well played, Stud . . . at least, until she LEFT YOUR ASS in the forest!

5:15 – “Bad things happen, when you mess with fate.”

And even WORSE things happen, when you mess with Evil-Eyed Thomas Meade, Random Guy!

5:29 – “I was a good friend of your mother’s (and by ‘good friend’ I mean ‘murderer’).”

I LOVE the twist that Evil Thomas Meade is actually GOOD WITCH Diana Meade’s DAD!  I genuinely didn’t see that one coming.  Except, I REALLY don’t think this guy is old enough to have an 17 or 18 year old daughter, do you?  Like I said . . . Witch Fountain of Youth. 

5:37 – “You did the right thing bringing her here.  She has the gift.”

A-HA!  I knew the Alien Principal and Evil-Eyed Meade were in CAHOOTS!  (Just so you know, “cahoots” is my new favorite word.  Except to see it a lot on this blog in the future . . . )

5:40 –

Awww, Nick is writing Cassie grammatically incorrect love letters from his window!  Next thing you know, he will be connecting two soup cans together, with pipe cleaners, and trying to use it as a cell phone.  Speaking of cell phones, doesn’t NICK have one?  I mean, he can’t CALL Cassie, and ASK her if she’s OK?  Talk about LAZY!

5:47 – “I don’t have to do a thing.  The Circle will take care of that without even knowing it.”

[Insert Evil Laugh Here]

OK.  So, how manyof you were actually fooled into thinking that Principal Chamberlain was a “nice lady?”  Yeah, I didn’t think so . . .

5:56 –  “Believe in the power of the Circle . . . You have incredible Power.  People will come for it.  They will come for YOU.”

“Make it stop.”  (My sentiments exactly, Cassie.  This trailer needs to STOP, before you spoil the entire first season . . . or, at least, the first episode.)

And so, we come to the point in our script, where Cassie finally embraces who she is, and uses her powers to stop that Freak Rainstorm that Faye made, earlier in the trailer.  Should we be happy, that Cassie is doing what Fate has seemingly intended for her to do?  Or do we fear that she is playing right into the hands of the Evil Adults? 

I guess you will have to WATCH this Fall to find out . . .

And there you have it, an extended preview of this falls new “hot” supernatural drama, The Secret Circle . . .

So, what did you think?  Will you stay tuned to the CW after TVD, and try this one out, for a “spell?”  Or do you plan to vanquish this series from your memory, forever?

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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The Worst of Both Worlds – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Klaus”

ELENA:  “So, what you are telling me is that Klaus is your ‘brotha from anotha papa?'”

ELIJAH:  “Hells yeah, shortie!”

ELENA:  “That’s off the heezy!”

ELIJAH:  “Fo schizzle, my dizzle.”

Oh, TVD!  How you slay me with your Twisty Turny Plot Devices!  In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m still recovering from the multiple stakes this show has driven through my heart, in the course of a single hour.  Every time I thought I had things figured out, in popped those wily writers again, to stab me with a new piece of information that would undoubtedly change everything . . .

Admittedly, like most of the show’s Flashback Episodes, “Klaus” was a tad more “talk-y” than your average Vampire Diaries’ installment.  And yet, the hour still packed a few MAJOR punches, thanks to some truly shocking revelations, which were very politely brought to our attention, courtesy of THIS GUY . . .  

That’s right, my fellow fangbangers!  Elijah is back!  And if history any indication, he’s quickly shaping up to be the “New Stefan”  . . . or perhaps, more accurately, the Old One.  Of course,  if Elijah is the New/Old Stefan, that begs a very important question:  Who’s Klaus?

“In the iconic words of Damon Salvatore, ‘That’s for me to know, and you to dot, dot, dot . . .”


As you may have already guessed, our mission this week, should we choose to accept it, is to learn more about the titular “Klaus.”   Where did he come from?  What makes him tick?  And, perhaps, most importantly, what the heck does he want with OUR Elena? 

Let’s examine the evidence, shall we?

Don’t Wake The Elijah!

ELIJAH:  “I just had the most AWFUL dream, Elena!  I came to your lakehouse to talk to you, and you DROVE A STAKE THROUGH MY HEART!  Then, someone stuck me in the trunk of their car, dragged me back to this mansion, and threw me in a wine cellar.  After that, someone tried to SET ME ON FIRE WITH A BLOW TORCH!  That didn’t work.  So, I laid DEAD, on the COLD HARD FLOOR, for MANY, MANY EPISODES .  . .”

ELENA:  *whistles awkwardly*

We begin our episode right where we left off, last week.  Elena has just “de-staked” Elijah (something we all know she is VERY good at doing) . . .


“That’s right, Elena, you just keep pulling it out . .  . HARD!”

So, now, our heroine is just waiting for him to “wake up.”  And, “wake up,” Elijah DOES!  Of course, lying with a stake in your heart for many, many days,  would take it’s toll on ANYBODY.  So, to say Elijah is not exactly “at his best,” when Elena first sees him, is pretty much the Biggest Understatement EVER . . .

 His hair still looks fabulous though .  . .

I’ll be honest, when Elijah first opens his eyes to the woman who gave him the “Big Sleep,” I expect some  Vampire Rose-esque CRAAAAAAZY MAN Vampire Hijinks, complete with lots of growling, and images of Elena skittering around the mansion, like a scared mouse. 

Ahhh, memories!

But Poor Elijah is much more the Confused Old Grandpa, Who Just Misplaced his Pants, than a Savage Beast.  And I can’t help feeling kind of bad for the guy, as he stumbles and trips around the Salvatore Mansion, clothes torn, and face ashen. 

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He repeatedly mistakes Elena for Katherine, and complains of difficulty breathing.  Remember, just because he was DRAGGED into “Elena’s” house, didn’t necessarily mean he was INVITED in there.  (Nice TOUCH, TVD!)

“Might I trouble you for a spot of tea?”

By the time, Elijah has successfully escaped Elena’s Casa de Rich and Awesome, and Elena has silently handed him the White Oak Dagger that brought about his untimely demise, he seems more relieved to have the color back in his oh-so-pretty face, than anything else.  So, off “new besties” Elijah and Elen go to “hug it out” outside. 

Meanwhile, Stefan and Damon share a Bad Sitcom Moment, when they simultaneously realize that Elena is missing, and so is their Token Dead Guy . . .


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You can almost hear the artificial laugh track, as the brothers do matching facepalms, at the entranceway of the now-empty wine cellar . . .

While Elena and Elijah are chatting in the car, Stefan calls Elena’s cell phone.  She explains that Stefan shouldn’t worry.  She’s got everything under “control.”  After all, Elijah is a “noble man”, and she can “trust him.”  (Uhhhh . . . I don’t know, Stefan.  It sounds like a precursor to Hot Car Sex to me!)

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“I think you are really going to enjoy this, Elena.  I’ve been boning chicks, since the Days of the Caveman.  I know what women want.”

After Elena hangs up on his ass, Stefan acts kind of blase about the whole thing.  Some might even say he seems bored.  Stefan explains that he trusts his girlfriend to do the Right Thing, and yadda, yadda, yadda.  But Damon is SUPER PISSED!  NOBODY should be having sex with Elena in a car, EXCEPT HIM!

 (Fortunately, for Elijah, Damon is more of a Shower Sex Guy than a Backseat Car Humper . . . otherwise, the Dude would SO be DEAD, by now!)

(Just so you know, my goal is to somehow include this GIF in EVERY SINGLE RECAP I write for this show, between now and the finale.  I do hope you won’t mind. ;))

“We need to find her.  And we need to stop her,” exclaims Damon fiercely.

But Stefan forcefully grabs Damon, and tells him to “back off,” in the Brothers’ first of many “Bad Touches” (TM Cherie) of the evening . . .

Back in the Luuuuve Mobile, Elijah has tentatively agreed to resume his alliance with Elena, and to tell her everything he knows about Klaus.  But first, he needs a shower (Ahem!  No funny stuff, Elijah!)  and some new threads.  (Silly vampires, and their Fashion Requirements!) 

So, off the twosome head to the Lockwood Mansion to compel Mama Lockwood to give Elijah some clothes.  It’s in this mansion that the pair spend the majority of the episode, sipping tea and gossiping like school girls about the Good Old Days of Elijah and Klaus . . .

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I SMELL FLASHBACKS!

So, Tonight We’re Going to Party Like it’s 1492 . . .

KATHERINE:   “Lords Klaus and Elijah, you have the MOST FASCINATING HAIR  . . . you must introduce me to your stylists.”

ELIJAH:  “We’d love to . . . except . . . Klaus ate him last week . . .”

It is at this moment in the episode that the First Bombshell of the Hour is dropped . . . Klaus and Elijah are brothers .  . .

The siblings come from a large family, who, though born to human parents, ALL eventually became vampires.  (Way to create a Neverending Cavalcade of Prospective Villains for Season 3, writers!)  Apparently, ALL vampires (including Damon, Stefan, and Katherine herself) can be traced back in origin to this First Family . . .

This is what I like to call having a “Darth Vader is Your Dad and Probably F*&ked BOTH Your Girlfriends” moment . . .

Speaking of Katherine, Elijah meets her first.  And in true Salvatore Brothers fashion, it become immediately obvious that she “looks just like a woman he used to love.”  That’s right, boys and girls!  Katherine WASN’T the first Petrova Doppelganger to win the hearts of two Sibling Vamps.  In fact, it’s pretty heavily implied that her predecessor was a SERIOUS object of affection for BOTH Elijah and Klaus.  And it was HER untimely death, in the service of a Very Special Curse (more on that later), that caused the brothers to “close their hearts to love for good,” or so they thought . . .

At this point in the story, Elijah and Klaus are still pretty close.  Knowing that Klaus needs Katherine for his Sacrifice, Elijah introduces the Doppelganger to Klaus, personally.  And, to Elijah’s credit, he is a pretty SOLID Wingman, when it comes to getting these two Crazy Kids to hook up with one another . . .

 But then Klaus makes a fatal mistake in the Wooing of Katherine.  It’s a mistake commonly made by television characters involved in love triangles.   Fans of the old show Dawson’s Creek lovingly refer to this mistake as the Dawson Leery Lady-Bedding Blunder . . .

This TV Relationship No-No occurs when a character repeatedly neglects the object of their affection, thereby allowing their more charming and romantic (not to mention better looking) friend or sibling to swoop in and steal their girl away, usually FOR GOOD!

Stefan Salvatore, consider yourself warned . . .

We know, for certain, that the Bedding Blunder has happened, when we spy Katherine and Elijah FROLICKING together in the woods.  (Man!  Sometimes, I wish I lived during a time when people still “frolicked!”)

Katherine is flirtatiously pouting about Klaus not spending enough time with her.  Elijah half-heartedly sticks up for his brother.  But by the way he keeps making googly eyes at Katherine, you can tell Elijah no longer believes a word of what he’s saying.  And when Elijah tells Katherine he doesn’t believe in love, it’s SO obviously a case of “thou doth protest too much,” it’s not even funny!  More interesting is Katherine’s response, “True love isn’t real, unless it’s pretend.” 

This one-liner actually goes pretty far in explaining some of Katherine’s more head-scratching actions throughout the series.  Katherine is a lot like Klaus, in the sense that, to her, love is a game, one that can only be won through manipulation and the gaining of power over another individual.

Power . . . LOST!

Unfortunately, for Katherine, this time, SHE is the one getting played.  Because Klaus too has a theory about love.  He equates it with weakness.  And because he thinks it makes him “weak,” Klaus has decided to turn off any feelings of love he might genuinely have for Katherine.

It’s time for the Second Bombshell of the Episode.  In the next flashback scene, we see Elijah and Klaus poring over those Aztec Parchment documents that supposedly detail the Sun and Moon Curse.  The problem is, the documents weren’t created by Aztecs at all!  KLAUS WROTE THEM HIMSELF!

Yep, the Sun and the Moon Curse, with all its “ingredients,” (i.e. the witch, the vampire, the werewolf . . . etc.), it’s all COMPLETELY FAKE — a diversion tactic to keep the various races of supernatural creatures at odds with one another.  The curse Klaus ACTUALLY wants to break is one witches placed on HIM, specifically.  And it’s only ingredients are the Petrova Doppelganger and the Moonstone. 

This, of course, leads me to the Third Bombshell of the episode.  “Klaus and I have the same mother,” explains Elijah.  “But we do not share the same father . . . Klaus’ father was . . . (wait for it) . . . a WEREWOLF!”

“Say WHAT?”

So, basically, the REAL Sun and Moon Curse has NOTHING to do with werewolves being able to change at will.  Nor does it involve vampires being able to walk in the sun, without sunscreen rings.  It all has to do with Klaus, and his now-dormant WEREWOLF abilities.  If Klaus breaks THIS curse, he will become the World’s Very First Wolf / Vampire Hybrid. 

Now, the thought of THIS GUY as a WERE-VAMP, alone, is pretty frightening.  But, try this on for size:  Klaus’ ULTIMATE goal is to start a WHOLE NEW RACE of Vampire / Wolf  Hybrids.  So, if you are lucky enough to be one of the Chosen Ones . . .


But, if not . . . well . . .

Now, totally and completely in love with Katherine, Elijah spills the beans to her about Klaus’ plans.  This, of course, results in a VERY pissed off Klaus . . .

“I have a VERY BIG MOUTH . . . the better to EAT YOUR FACE with!

According to Elijah, he had come up with a plan to save Katherine.  This plan involved killing his own brother, after the Curse was Broken, during the vulnerable time period of his first werewolf transformation.  (Now, THAT’S what I call love!)

  But, as we all know, Elijah never had the chance to carry out his plan.  Katherine ran from Elijah and Klaus.  She then ultimately tricked Rose into turning her into a vampire. 

“You cared about her,” notes Captain Obvious Elena.

“It’s a common mistake, I’m told,” admits Elijah.  “One I won’t make again.”

(Oh, Elijah . . . don’t you realize you are on the Everybody Loves Elena Show?  I hate to break this to you, dude!  But  your DEFINITELY going to make that mistake AGAIN!)

“Alas, I suspect you are right, oh wise, TV Recapper!  But at least, THIS time,  I will have less ridiculous hair . . .”

Anyway . . . back in Present Day, Klaus is still alive and well.  And Elena is paying the price for her “twin’s” now centuries old mistakes . . .

Speaking of Katherine, things are DEFINITELY looking up for her, lately . . .

Going Rogue . . .

DAMON:  “So, I hear we are getting to do some Almost Nude Scenes together this week?”

ANDIE:  “You are going to be ALMOST NUDE?”  *does little dance of joy*

DAMON:  “Nope . . . just YOU.”

ANDIE:  “Well, that’s LAME!”

DAMON:  “I know, right?”

Purposefully ignoring Stefan’s instructions to sit on the bench for this round of the Save Elena Games, Damon commandeers Sex Toy Andie to Go Rogue with him.  (Can I just say, never has the phrase “Go Rogue” sounded sexier, than when it was coming out of Ian Somerhalder’s lips.)  The so-called couple pays a visit to Alaric’s house, where Damon knows that Katherine is currently doing some compulsion-induced house-sitting.  (If, by chance, you are wondering where AlarKlaus is?  More on him later . . .)

“Hey, I’m bored.   You guys up for a threesome?”

Having been compelled not to leave the house, Katherine is understandably a bit grumpy, when Damon and Andie arrive.  After all, Katherine’s not exactly someone used to staying home, and missing out on all the good parties!  But hey, at least she’s not repeatedly stabbing her leg, anymore!

Progress!

Damon generously offers Kat a vial of vervain, reasoning that, since the pair both share a true hatred for Klaus, a Non-Compelled Kat will be a WAY more helpful asset to the Save Elena Games than a compelled one. 

Plus, now, she’s going to owe him, BIG TIME!

CHUG .  . . CHUG .  . . CHUG!

To celebrate her newfound Freedom from Mind Control, Katherine decides to numb her mental faculties in ANOTHER WAY, namely, by getting COMPLETELY WASTED on Alchy Alaric’s SUBSTANTIAL Liquor Stash, and dancing sluttily around the apartment with various inanimate household objects . . .

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My kind of girl!

But, then, AlarKlaus comes home unexpectly, following an impromptu “date” with Useless Aunt Jenna.  This forces Kat to do two things to which many teens can relate: (1) pretend to be sober, when she’s clearly not; and (2) pretend to follow “dad’s” orders, when she quite obviously no longer gives a DAMN!

Speaking of AlarKlaus’ and his “date” . . .

Do you like SCARY MOVIES, Useless Aunt Jenna?  (Because you are in one!)

“So, let me get this straight . . . vampires are real . . . and so are werewolves . . . and witches.  This probably means that zombies are real too . . . and wizards . . . and the Boogey Man . . . and the Tooth Fairy . . . and the Easter Bunny . . . and SANTA Claus (Klaus?)  So, many supernatural creatures of questionable trustworthiness to invite into my home, and so little time!  I better get started now.”

Useless Aunt Jenna wakes up from her two-episode hiatus, and suddenly remembers (gasp!), “I have minors I am supposed to be pretending to care about!”  So, she comes back to her house to try and remember what the heck these kids look like.  The problem, of course, is, they both have magically DISAPPEARED. 

(Actually, Jeremy is hanging out in a grave somewhere, with Wicked Witch Bonnie, and Elena is busy partying it up with the SECOND most dangerous vampire in the WORLD!  And what Responsible Parent would have a problem with that?)

“So, Elena’s banging vampires, huh?  Well, at least we won’t have to worry about her getting pregnant!”

Silly Stefan!  When Useless Aunt Jenna calls him to ask about her “kids'” whereabouts, he warns her not to let AlarKlaus into her home.  Doesn’t he realize that, now that he’s TOLD her NOT to do something, that’s EXACTLY what she’s going to do?  I mean, we are talking about Useless Aunt Jenna here, a.k.a. Little Miss Open Your Legs House for All Super Villains!

Fortunately, Stefan is smart enough to rush over to Jenna’s place, where AlarKlaus (SURPRISE!) is already making himself comfortable, by playing with his “girlfriend’s” boobies carving knives . . .

(I swear, this whole scene was SO remininscent of the original Scream opener, that I almost had Dead Drew Barrymore flashbacks . . .)

In what I can only imagine was an even MORE obvious homage to Scream (after all, Kevin Williamson wrote that one too), AlarKlaus begins to taunt Useless Aunt Jenna, with a series of increasingly creepy questions about whether or not she believes in vampires.  Finally (though it took a REALLY long time, especially considering what the REAL Alaric put Jenna through, just a few episodes before), U.A.J. gets up the balls to ask AlarKlaus to get the F*&K out of her HOUSE!  Then, when he refuses, SHE decides to leave instead! 

This prompts AlarKlaus to go all Knife Wielding Psycho Killer on Jenna’s ass, which prompts Stefan to do THIS . . .

Way to go, STEFFY!

Mesmerized by the sight of her niece’s boyfriend trying to slice through the neck of her now-Abusive and Psychotic Ex, Dumbass Jenna just stands in the corner, with her jaw hanging open, and drool coming out of the sides of her mouth.  This forces Stefan to VAMP OUT on her, so that it will FINALLY occur to her to LEAVE!

 “I’m getting ANGRY, Jenna!  And you wouldn’t like me, when I’m angry . . .”

Upon hearing from Stefan what went down, Elena takes a break from her Hot Date with Elijah to comfort a clearly mindblown Useless Aunt Jenna . . .

Less Clueless, but still just as Useless . . .

Poor U.A.J!  It’s emotive scenes like this that make me realize that Sara Canning can actually ACT really well.  She just hasn’t really been given much opportunity to do so in this TOTALLY THANKLESS ROLE! 

She even managed to make STEFAN cry!

“I’m supposed to be the one who protects YOU,” Useless Aunt Jenna whines, in what was clearly the most unintentionally hilarious line of the ENTIRE episode.  “I’m scared,” she whispers.

Umm . . . Jenna?  Newsflash:  YOU SHOULD BE!

It’s Too Late to Apologize . . .

“Dark Stefan, may I have this dance?”

After Elena goes back to Elijah, the Salvatore Brothers remain, alone and equally broody, in the living room of La Casa de Rich and Awesome.  Stefan chooses this TOTALLY inappropriate time to make a snide comment about Damon’s unabashed use of Sex Toy Andie to satisfy his “needs.”  “You should be happy she’s here, because it keeps me from going after what I REALLY want,” Damon notes.

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Mmmmm hmmm!

“Yes, thank you for being in love with MY girlfriend,” replies Stefan.  (Ooooh, he just went there!)  “You can be in love with her all you want, if it means you will protect her.  But I have her respect.”

*gulp*

Then THIS happens . . .

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SUDDENLY, the two Salvatore Brothers are BEATING THE SH*T OUT OF EACHOTHER!  And, I know that it’s supposed to be all tragic and SAD, because they both really just want Elena to be safe, and, blah, blah, blah.  But it’s also REALLY HOT!  I mean, come on!  Show me a woman who WOULDN’T want these two men fighting over her, and I’ll show you a BIG FAT LIAR!

 This Brotherly Love Fest is interrupted by the return of Elijah and Elena (guess she decided to invite him in, after all).  Elena says that the original deal she had with Elijah is now back on.  “The two of you will come to no harm at my hands,” insists the gentlemanly Elijah.

So, for those of you who haven’t been keeping track, here’s the NEW plan to Save Elena:  (1) Bonnie will defeat Klaus, but she won’t die doing it, because Elijah has a loophole for THAT!  (Presumably, this will take place AFTER the Moonstone Ritual, when Klaus is undergoing his were transformation.)

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I bet there will still be lots of Constipated Face Making and Nose Bleeds though!

(2) Elena plays her part in the Sacrifice, but somehow lives, again, conveniently, thanks to Elijah.  (I don’t know.  Is anyone else getting any Red Flags, here?).

(3)  There’s a big Supernatural Orgy in Mystic Falls.    Everyone lives Happily Ever After . . . at least until next season.

Elijah’s going to do ALL THIS for Team Scooby out of the “kindness of his Cold Vampire Heart.”  And all he wants in return is an apology from the brothers. . .

“Sorry for the part I played in your death,” says Stefan (which is pretty much the Funniest Apology EVER!)  “But I did it to protect Elena.  I will ALWAYS protect ELENA,” concludes the younger Salvatore, before sticking out his tongue, and blowing a raspberry at Damon.

“Real mature, Stefan!”

Then again, Damon refuses to apologize AT ALL, which doesn’t exactly win HIM maturity points either.  (Unless, of course, Elijah ends up being a Secret Klaus Supporter, in which case, we will all be patting Damon on the back in a few weeks, for being so “insightful,” when it comes to Elena’s needs.)

Notice, I said Elena‘s needs . . . because Sex Toy’s needs seem to be falling by the waistside a bit, of late.

When a highly distraught Damon returns to his bedroom, Sex Toy Andie is there waiting for him in slinky lingerie, despite him having begged her to leave earlier.  But Andie TRULY loves Damon (or at least, compulsion tells her she does).  She knows that he is in pain, and wants to show him that someone out there cares about him. 

Andie’s kindness, in the face of Damon’s complete lack of feeling for her, becomes too much for the Elder Salvatore to take.  Last week, Damon may have come to the realization that he deserves love, but probably not Andie’s love.  Realizing once and for all, that it is not FAIR to Andie, for Damon to use her as a distraction from his deep feelings for Elena, Damon lashes out at the Guest Star reporter.  He then, ultimately compels her to leave, before he can really hurt her.

 Ummm . .  . Damon?  You’ve got a little something on your lip . . .

Damon’s REALLY brutal to Andie in this scene.  And at first blush, it’s pretty tough to watch.  But if you peek beneath the layers of violence and brutality, there is actually a good deal of growth here on Damon’s part. 

Now, now . . . before you write me off as some CRAZED Delena fan, who forgives Damon for everything he does wrong on this show, just hear me out . . .

Remember JESSICA?

Not too long ago, we experienced on this show a fairly similar situation to this one, in which Damon (having just experienced the loss of Rose) lashes out at an innocent woman, as an expression of his heartbreak over his not being able to be the person [Elena] needs him to be. 

Now, just a few episodes later, Damon is equally heartbroken.  But, this time, he doesn’t allow his anger to become murderous.  By chasing Andie away, Damon saves her life, in the same way that New Vamp Caroline did, when she purposefully ended her relationship with Matt to keep him out of danger.  (And look how much THANKS Matt has given Caroline for that!  Ingrate!)

Not only is Damon no longer willing to selfishly use another human being, as a distraction for his true feelings, he also clearly feels deserving enough of Elena’s love, to prevent himself from committing the ultimate act of violence, just to salve a broken heart.  That’s progress, folks! 🙂

Don’t Call it a Comeback!  He’s Been Here for Years . . . (No, Really, He HAS!)

Meanwhile, back at Alaric’s house, Maddox (Yeah . . . apparently Sumo Warlock has a name.  I missed that!  Special thanks to my buddy mak, for kindly pointing that out to me.), and Newbie Witch Greta . . .

 .  . . sister of THIS NOW-DEAD GUY . . .

 . . . arrive, carting an Extra Large Coffin in their wake.  Now, if you recall, Jonas and Luka joined forces with Elijah to PROTECT Greta.  But, quite honestly, she seems to be having a fine old time with Klaus!  In fact, I can’t help but wonder whether these two KNOW one another, in the biblical sense, if you catch my drift  . . . Truth be told, when Greta casually comments Klaus, “Nice body . . . let’s get you out of it,”  some very, very naughty Witch/Vamp images ran through my dirty mind.

So, everybody holds hands around the candles.  (And there are those candles again!  It’s time to get more creative with your Spell Props, witches!  Haven’t you ever seen Harry Potter before?) 

Suddenly, the candles go out.  AlarKlaus looks up from chanting.  He sees Katherine, and calls her “Elena,” in a voice that is decidedly sans- that weird AlarKlaus accent.  Suffice it to say, the REAL Alaric is back . . .  and alive  . . . at least, for now!

But if Alaric is back in his body, than where is Klaus?  As if in answer, the door to the coffin opens, and THIS GUY emerges from it . . .

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Now, if you thought Klaus was scary in a HUMAN body, you can imagine how much damage he can do in his OWN!  In other words, be afraid, Scooby Gang!  Be VERY AFRAID!

 

“Ruh-roh!”

The extended promo for next week’s episode, promises, among other things, some tender moments between BOTH Salvatores and Elena, Poor Caroline getting chained up and abused, once again, Tyler Lockwood humping the forest . . .

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SO HOT!  (I’m so jealous of The Forest right now . . .)

 . . . a bromantic buddy reunion between Alaric and Damon, the return of Jules (meh!), and a showdown between Damon and Klaus.  You can check it out here .   .  .

Is it Thursday yet, Fangbangers?

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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Filed under The Vampire Diaries

The Vampire Diaries Has Found its Klaus – But Who the Heck is Joseph Morgan?

“You better watch out.  You better not cry.  You better not pout.  I’m telling you why.  Santa KLAUS is coming to TOWN!”

As most of you you undoubtedly already know, The Vampire Diaries is currently on yet another hiatus. 

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In fact, the next new episode of this fang-tastic show is not set to air until April 7th!

Now, that doesn’t mean that the TVD fandom has gone silent!  NO WAY!  Us fangbangers still have PLENTY to talk about!  For starters, just this week, the CW released its Extended Trailer for the show’s upcoming episode, entitled, “Know thy Enemy.”  And it’s, for lack of a better word, a real SCREAM!

But if that trailer didn’t get your tongue wagging, this next piece of intel definitely will (assuming it hasn’t already).  After an entire season of speculation and rumors, producers of The Vampire Diaries have finally revealed the name of the actor selected to play the vampire, who will undoubtedly be the most terrifying villain Mystic Falls has ever seen.  After all, he’s the only vamp with the power to make Vampire Katherine cry . . .

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Of course, I am referring to Santa Klaus.   And he will be played by  . . . (drumroll please) . . . THIS GUY!

It’s Joseph Morgan!

“Yay!  Joseph Morgan!  That’s so . .  . wait . . . I don’t know who that is.”

One could argue that the role of Klaus will be the MOST important one TVD producers cast this year.  After all, much of the second half of this season has coped with the ominous Sun and Moon Curse, and, specifically, its implications for Elena Gilbert.  Because she has the dubious honor of being the Petrova Doppelganger, Elena needs to DIE, in order for this curse to be successfully broken.

“Oh HELL NO!”

As the OLDEST Original Vampire, one who is notoriously DEAD set on capturing Elena and breaking the Curse, Klaus has undoubtedly become Public Enemy Number One for the Salvatore Brothers and the Scooby Gang, as they fight to save Elena from an untimely death.  So, while the character has yet to make an appearance, his reputation certainly proceeds him.  

Some notable tidbits we’ve learned thus far about Klaus include: (1) He used to bone Katherine, on a fairly regular basis . . .

Who hasn’t?

(2) But, then, Klaus killed Katherine’s ENTIRE family.  This ultimately forced the vixen to become a vampire herself, so that SHE wouldn’t fall victim to the same Sacrifice, for which Elena is currently being hunted.

(3) Klaus’ fellow Original vampires think he’s a wackadoo, and will stop at nothing to make sure he meets his True Death . . .

(4) Klaus has kidnapped(?) the witchy daughter of the now very-dead Jonas.  And he is using her powers for his own personal gain.

(5) As an Original, Klaus can compel other vampires, walk in the sun without a sunscreen ring, and break walls of glass, just by playing with coins . . .

Because you never know when THAT little magic trick will come in handy . . .

(5) But Klaus is not invincible.  He can be killed by a special dagger dipped in white oak ash. 

(Just make sure you don’t “pull it out.”)

(6) Ironically, the act of breaking the Sun and Moon Curse, which Klaus is so determined to accomplish, will also leave him temporarily vulnerable for such a staking.

“Dream on, Diaper Boy!  Curse or no curse, I can’t be tamed!”

On one hand, TVD producers’ decision to cast a more-or-less unknown British actor to play such a major role in their series, is a prudent one.  After all, this will force fans of the show to view Joseph Morgan’s performance with an open mind.  Fangbangers can now evalulate the character, without being distracted by the preconceived notions and strong opinions that come attached to the “bigger named” stars, who might have been more obvious choices for the role . . .

On the other hand, The Vampire Diaries is a show known for its extremely talented and unfathomably attractive cast . . . particularly, in the MALE Department .  . .

So, if the TVD writers expect us fans to believe that this Klaus Dude is a formidable opponent to Man-Gods, the likes of Damon, Stefan, and Elijah . . . someone who could bring the Cooly Unflappable Vampire Vixen Katherine to her knees . . . in more ways than one?  Well, he better something REALLLLY special!  Because, if not, the Fandom will NEVER embrace him . . .

And the actor will be forced to endure a venomous wrath, the likes of which he has never before experienced . . .

Which brings me to Joseph Morgan . . .  Who the heck is he?  Fortunately, in this modern age of Google and YouTube, with a bit of digging, we can find out . . .

First off, Joseph Morgan is ENGLISH! 

 (Though, who knows if we are actually ever going to hear his accent on the show.) 

 He was born in 1980.  And yet, I can’t seem to find his actual BIRTHDATE online.  This means I can’t do a blog birthday celebration for him, which really dusts my doilies. 

(I mean seriously, Joseph, as an actor, you’re supposed to lie about your AGE and birth year, not your birthdate!  An actor’s birthday is something to be cherished, not hidden from the world!  Just sayin’!)

Anyway . . . fans of the UK television series Hex probably remember Joseph as Troy — the kinder, gentler, non-supernaturally inclined love interest to the show’s Season 1 lead character, Cassie . . .

Like The Vampire Diaries, Hex was an urban fantasy / paranormal romance tale, which took place in a school setting.    Like Elena, the main character, Cassie, through no fault of her own, was constantly being thrown into danger by supernatural forces over which she had minimal control.   Also like Elena, everybody in the cast (Troy included), for better or worse, seemed to be madly in love with Cassie.

So, Joseph Morgan is definitely no stranger to starring in television shows, that exist on an alternate plain of reality — one where things go bump in the night, and magic is a weekly occurrence.  But whether the actor can evolve from playing the Jock Next Door to the Big Bad Vampire Villain remains to be seen . . .

One thing is for sure, though.  He definitely has the BODY for it . . .

In addition to Hex, Morgan also starred in a series of historically – based movies and mini series.  During these films, he was able to exhibit physical prowess and athleticism.  Both of these traits will absolutely come in handy, during the inevitable stunt play and fight scenes in which the character will likely engage, in upcoming episodes.  These movies included the Russell Crowe film, Master and Commander, Alexander, and, most recently, the mini series Ben-Hur, in which he played the title role . . .

You can check out the trailer for Ben-Hur, and see Joseph Morgan in “action,” here:

But, physicality, sexuality, and looking good naked are just the tip of the iceberg.  As the oldest and most powerful vampire in the world, Klaus must possess the dignity and wisdom that would inevitably develop in an individual, after so many years spent roaming the Earth, and dominating its people.  In his role as William Price in Jane Austen’s Mansfield Park, Joseph Morgan was granted the opportunity to exhibit that part of himself . . .

Off screen, many of The Vampire Diaries‘ cast members spend much of their spare time working hard to support the charitable causes about which they are deeply passionate.  Most notably, Ian Somerhalder has recently launched the Ian Somerhalder Foundation, which, according to its Mission Statement, “aims to empower, educate and collaborate with people and projects to positively impact the planet and its creatures.”

Like Ian, Joseph Morgan is also deeply involved in world issues and charitable causes.  He is the leading supporter of Positive Women, an international charity that works to improve the lives women and children affected by the HIV/Aids virus.  You can hear Joseph discuss his charity, and its vision for underpriviledged women, here:

(I almost wish I didn’t know about all this.  Because it’s going to be REALLY hard to dislike him now . . .)

No word yet, on which episode will mark Joseph Morgan’s debut as Klaus.  However, if we’ve learned anything from this past season of TVD, we can assume that Klaus won’t leave Mystic Falls, without wreaking some major havoc on its residents in general, and our Scooby Gang, specifically.  And do THAT I say, BRING IT ON!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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Filed under Spoilers and Sneak Peaks, The Vampire Diaries

Come on, Damon, Light My Fire! – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “The House Guest”

DAMON:  “Do you smell something burning?”

KATHERINE:  “There’s a fire . . . in my pants.  I’m burning up for your love, Damon.”

DAMON: “Katherine, it’s the 21st Century.  They have creams for that now .  . .”

Whew!  Well, THIS was a doozy of a TVD episode, wasn’t it?  Let’s see . . .

(1) We got to see Damon become more smokin’ HOT than ever before . . .

“Poke her, with that POKER, Damon!”

(2) Lots of sh*t caught fire (including the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls) .   . .

(3) We were treated to a very Gleeky musical review, brought to you by the Vampire Barbie, herself.   . .

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(4) Ding, Dong TWO witches are dead (for the price of JUST ONE!).

OOPS!  Won’t be using THAT screencap anymore!

(5) And the two MOST CLUELESS folks in Mystic Falls, FINALLY got a CLUE .  . . well  . . . sort of . . .

But, I think, if I had to choose my absolute FAVORITE part of “The House Guest” . .  . it would be all the highly sexualized Kat / Damon moments included therein.  After all, THESE moments added quite a few very sexy screencaps to my ever-growing collection.   And, of course, immediately upon concluding this recap, I plan to insert said screencaps into my”Damon & ELENA Forever” scrapbook.  (Yes, I said, Damon and ELENA!  What the rest of the world doesn’t know, won’t hurt them?  Right?)

But enough about my FAVE Soon-To-Be Couple, we’ve got a show to recap!

You Got SCHOOLED!

“Come on, Stefan!  If we don’t leave now, we’ll be late for school.  Remember school?  It’s that thing we keep forgetting to GO to?” Elena sing-songs, as she grabs seductively onto Stefan Salvatore’s shirt collar, in one of the at least six bedrooms of La Casa de Rich and Awesome.

That’s right!  Contrary to popular belief (and the fact that we haven’t actually seen her attend class since around the middle of Season 1), Elena IS, in fact, still a high school student.  And the clever, self-deprecating, writers of this show aren’t afraid to point out that, due to plot logistics, “attendance” doesn’t exactly appear to be Elena’s strong suit.  But let’s face it.  It’s not all Elena’s fault.  The fact that Stefan’s a little Horn Dog, who attended high school for literally centuries, and STILL doesn’t seem to own a diploma, certainly doesn’t help . . .  (Baby Salvatore is kind of like a Vampire Van Wilder, in that way!)

“Welcome to Home School!  Our first class of the day is Sex Education.”

But Elena’s got WAY more pressing problems than an overly amorous boyfriend, who will quite possibly make her late for class for the 35th time this year.  She’s got a case of mistaken identity on her hands .  . .

You know, last week, when Katherine popped out of Damon’s shower, asking for a robe, and a place to “sleep,” I just assumed that the rest of the Scooby Gang would get filled in on the identity of the newest Salvatore House Guest OFF SCREEN.  So, color me surprised, when Damon forcefully pushed Elena up against a wall, merely for wishing him “Good Morning” (So HOT, by the way!).  Interestingly enough, Elena had no CLUE why Damon would possibly mistake her for her doppelganger, when said doppelganger was supposedly still locked away in a Deep Dark Tomb!

Color me even more surprised, when, upon hearing of Katherine’s Great Tomb Escape, Stefan, not only doesn’t “rescue” his girlfriend from Damon’s clutches, he PUSHES HER AGAINST THE WALL, TOO?

“Really?  The WALL . . . AGAIN?  Why does everybody have to get pushed up against the WALL on this show?  That flimsy piece of plaster has probably seen more action in a single SEASON than Katherine has seen in her ENTIRE LIFE . . . and she’s Super Slutty.”

Fortunately, for Elena (or, unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), the REAL Katherine materializes in the doorway, and shows both Salvatore Brothers they are Wall Raping the Wrong Gal . . .

“If that were ME on the Wall, smothered by Salvatores, I’d have my clothes off, before you could say, ‘Katherine Pierce.’  That Elena is such a PRUDE!”

Needless to say, Elena is NOT pleased about the idea of having to share her precious Salvatores with another girl, who, coincidentally, also used to bone them both.   “Get her out of here!”  Elena yelps.

“Do you think our boyfriends will FINALLY be able to tell us apart, when you have a pretty stake sticking out of your heart?”

But Elena is not going to be able to get rid of the Kat so easily.  After all, having been Santa Klaus’ Honey Bunny back in the day, Katherine alone possesses the unique knowledge the Scooby Gang needs to kill the Big Bad Vamp We Still Have Never Seen.  And so, Katherine stays behind, while a grumbling Elena exits Stage Left, still trying in vain to remember what the heck her high school actually looks like . . .

“So, that’s high school, huh?   OK.  We’ve seen it.  Now, let’s LEAVE!”

On the way into school, Stefan offers to sleepover at Elena’s house, for a change, so the pair can keep their distance from a certain pesky doppelganger.  (Ahhh . . . another night at the Gilberts.  Hey, remember that episode, where Useless Aunt Jenna started randomly making lewd comments to Stefan about how LOUD he and Elena were during sex?  GOOD TIMES!) 

Unfortunately, for Stefan, Having Loud Sex While Jenna Listens is not on the agenda for tonight, not when Elena has already planned a “Girl’s Night,” with her besties, Caroline and Bonnie.  “Maybe KATHERINE could join us,” Elena snarks.

EXCELLENT IDEA, Elena!  I mean, seriously, how AWESOME would it be to have Vampire Katherine at YOUR Slumber Party?

“Hey girls!  What do you say, we play Truth or Dare and I compel you all to pick DARE each time?”

Speaking of Elena’s besties, Bonnie has been trying to maintain a secret relationship with Jeremy, ever since the Hot Energy Channeling / Saliva Swapping Party they had together, last week.

BONNIE:  “We can’t stand together like this all day.  Someone will notice.”

JEREMY:  “Just tell them I’m a very Close Talker.”

As for Caroline, she’s still trying to rekindle her relationship with Matt . . . but having limited success.

At school, Vampire Barbie and Still Clueless Ken continue to dance around their many issues.   Both parties are given an excellent opportunity to be honest with one another about their recent interactions with the recently departed Tyler.  But Caroline refuses to tell Matt about the connection she shared (and STILL shares) with Teen Wolf . . .

Meanwhile, Matt refuses to admit that his final conversation with Tyler included (1) Tyler admitting that he had fallen for Caroline; (2) Matt agreeing to “take care of Caroline” at Tyler’s request . . .

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Despite BOTH parties being to blame for the standstill at which their relationship currently rests, Matt announces to Caroline that she knows how he feels, and that it is “Her Move.”  Fortunately for Caroline (or UNFORTUNATELY, if you are a Forwood Fan like me), she sees a poster on the School Bulletin Board that gives her a good idea of what her next “Move” will be . . .

Back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Damon is blowing Elijah .  . .

. . . with a Blow Torch, that is.

Kudos to Damon for being just as clever as most of us fans are.  After all, the Elder Salvatore came up with precisely the same solution many of us suggested for the “Keep the Dagger, Lose the Body” Elijah Conundrum. 

The problem with this plan, of course (as Kat smugly notes, when she comes upon Damon still “carrying a torch” for her), is that, as an Original Vampire, Elijah’s body is COMPLETELY INDESTRUCTIBLE.  (See?  Even as a DEAD and UNCONSCIOUS guy, Elijah is one of the Coolest Characters on this Show!)

Unable to have the Baked Elijah dessert he was so hoping to enjoy, Damon turns his massively large and VERY phallic torch on Kat . . .

And just by the look on Kat’s face, when she sees that big STICK of Damon’s just inches away from her nether regions, we can tell that, unlike Elijah, Katherine is, indeed, VERY destructible.  “We want the same thing [Klaus dead].”  Katherine pleads with Damon, who is training his trademark Crazy Eyes on her, as we speak.  “And I always get what I want.”

Memories!

Talk about a Mood Killer!  Damon chooses this moment to bring up that time in the Not-So-Distant past, when Katherine reverse psychologied Damon into trying to stake Elijah with the Original’s Killing Dagger, knowing FULL WELL, that the mere act of doing so would KILL HIM.  “Yes, I knew you would die, Damon,” Katherine admits remorselessly, before leaving the basement.

It’s the End of Luka, As We Know Him  . . . (A.K.A. Why Jonas SUCKS as both a father and a HUMAN BEING!)

You know what, Stefan?  You have REALLY got to give up this whole “Trusting Other Supernatural Creatures” thing you’ve got going on!  Let’s see . . . in just the past few episodes . . . you trusted Isobel, and she tried to get Damon killed.  You trusted Tyler, and he let Brady and Jules kidnap and torture Caroline.  Now, your trusting Jonas and Luka.  And we all know THAT isn’t going to end well, either . . .

The Truth Hurts, doesn’t it, Mr. Vamp-tastic?

Allow me to give you some free advice, Little Salvatore.  Remember that  “I Used to Be a Monster Until Lexi Saved Me” confession you made to Elena last week?  Well, next time, let’s all just try to assume that every other Supernatural Creature on this show, who ISN’T part of your Scooby Gang, was NEVER saved by Lexi, and, therefore, is still very much a MONSTER.  Mmmm Kay?

Anyway, Stefan gets this brilliant idea that he and Bonnie can broker a deal with Jonas and Luka (also, apparently, known as “The Martins,” who knew?).  Under this “agreement” the Scooby Gang and “The Martins” can all kill Klaus together, like One Big Happy Family of Monsters.  So, Stefan arranges a meeting with the father/son team at .  . .  where else(?) the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls.  At that meeting, Stefan offers the family “his word” that they will not come to any harm, under his watch. (Haha!  Good one, Stefan!)

To his credit, Luka . . .

. . . (who, in all honesty, seems like he wouldn’t be such a bad guy, if he didn’t have such an ASSHAT for a dad), wants to take Stefan up on his offer.  But, alas, Evil Jonas Brother from Another Mother thinks the Scooby Gang is not to be trusted.  Furthermore, he believes that ELIJAH, not Stefan, is the key to defeating Klaus, and rescuing his daughter.  And so, Papa and Luka plan some Weird Mystic Seance Ritual, with the ultimate goal of “waking up” Elijah from his dagger-induced slumber . . .

Ever notice how every witch ritual on this show seems to involve Dark Rooms, Romantic Scented Candles, and lots of Hand Holding?  If I didn’t know any better, I’d say all this Witch / Warlock Mumbo jumbo is just one GIANT excuse to Cop a Feel . . .

So, here’s the plan.  Jonas and Luka hold hands and chant Ring Around the Rosie, or some crap like that.  This allows them to combine their powers, and project an Invisible Jonas into La Casa de Rich and Awesome, where he should be able to remove the Originals’ Killing Dagger from Elijah’s belly undetected. 

(Now I’m not a PARENT, so I can’t speak from actual experience.  But wouldn’t a GOOD DAD, who needed entry into a house of Bloodthirsty Vampires, go there HIMSELF, as opposed to sending his own flesh and blood into the Lion’s Den, FOR HIM?  Just sayin.’)

Parenting FAIL!

So, we see Luka’s “double” project himself inside the basement of La Casa de Rich and Awesome.  He finds Elijah on the ground, and begins to pull the dagger from his stomach.  Fortuntely, for our Scooby Gang, Katherine is also in the basement, picking up a Blood Snack.  Being the astute old vamp she is, Katherine promptly notices that the dagger in Elijah’s tummy is seemingly moving outward, on its own.  

Using her vampire strength and vast sexual experience, Katherine immediately begins the arduous task of sticking the large phallic object back inside the male form, lying prone in front of her.”

This sh*t’s HARD!  I really need to start working out more.  All that time in the tomb has made me flabby.  Hmmm  . . . I wonder what kind of Home Gym the Salvatores have . . .”

Back in the “Martin” house, Jonas instructs Luka to stake Katherine.  And he does . . . Though, honestly, I’m not sure what weapon he uses, considering the only one readily available is currently stuck inside Elijah. 

Then, Damon magically appears . . .

Yes, he was dressed (and dry) at the time.  But I decided to use this picture to illustrate him, anyway.  And you’re complaining because . . . ?

Damon prompty un-stakes Katherine.  Then, out comes that trusty BLOW TORCH AGAIN!  (You KNEW that was coming!)  Now Luka is on fire, both in La Casa de Rich and Awesome, and inside his home.  But because no one on this show ever goes to school, the poor guy doesn’t realize he’s supposed to “Stop, Drop, and Roll.”

“I wonder if my homeowner’s insurance will cover this .  . .”

And then THIS happens . . .

Nice knowing ya, Luka!

As for Jonas (who’s 100% at fault for his son’s premature demise, by the way), he immediately starts making all these weird growling noises, like he’s auditioning for yet another remake of The Hulk.  And, inappropriate as it may be, it’s kind of hard not to laugh at the guy, when he’s yelping like Chewbacca from Star Wars.  But I bite my lower lip, and manage to keep quiet.  After all, “Dead Luka” was kind of adorable when he played “Little Richie” on Family Matters  (See above).  So, for that reason, he deserves my respect .  . .

“Arrrrahhhhhhh grrrrooooooooooooo eeeeee!”

Speaking of Dead Witches . . .

In much lighter news, Damon and Katherine READ TOGETHER.  Alert the media . . .

Those of you astute fans, who guessed that Elijah was yammering on about Witch Massacres in History, last week, for a REASON, can mentally pat yourself on the back for a job well done . . .

As it turns out, ELIJAH didn’t own an Orignal’s Killing Dagger (Gee, I wonder why? ;))  However, HE did figure out that, when a witch dies, it leaves some of it’s power at it’s final resting place.  Elijah therefore reasoned that the spot in Mystic Falls, where a whole bunch of witches were killed, would be the IDEAL place for a “Witchily Re-energized” Elijah to kill Klaus. 

Still not willing to trust Katherine (Note to Stefan:  Distrust = a good thing!), when Damon finds the location of the Witch Massacre, as it is described in Jonathan’s books, he quickly passes this information along to his brother.  However, Damon purposely keeps the information from Katherine, despite the fact that she’s been helping him “research” all this time. 

(Knowing our writers, this will probably end up biting our Favorite Brooding Bad Boy Vamp in the ass, later.  And yet, I would have done exactly the same thing, if I was him . . .)

But before all that “learning” happens, we are treated to a few insanely hot moments of Damon and Kat, play fighting / dry humping one another all over the Salvatore Study . .  .

Mommy like!

But don’t you worry, Delena fans!  Damon still hasn’t quite forgiven Katherine yet for the whole, “I’ll Send Him Off to DIE” thing.  And, to add insult to injury, a suddenly SUPER honest Katherine chooses her Sexy Times with Damon to admit that she had initially bargained with Isobel and John (who wanted BOTH Salvatores dead) to save Stefan’s life over Damon’s.

(Note to Katherine:  The next time you try to get someone KILLED, but still want to have sex with them, when they ask you questions about it.  LIE!  LIE LIKE THE WIND!)

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Meanwhile, back at the Gilbert house . . .

Girl-Bonding, Confessions, and Eternal Flames

Tired of listening to Self-Absorbed, Party Pooping, Useless Aunt Jenna whine about how Alaric isn’t being honest with her  (“He’s only lying to protect you!” Caroline explains . . . and SHE would know!), the girls, at Caroline’s suggestion, decide to head out to .  . . you guessed it . . . the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls . . .

(Little do the girls know that Evil Jonas Brother from Another Mother has TRACKED Elena there, by fondling her Cheerleading Picture and Hairbrush.  Be afraid, Elena.  BE VERY AFRAID!)

At the Bar, Useless Aunt Jenna proceeds to get herself completely wasted, while giving Alaric the Cold Shoulder for his failure to explain TWO SEASONS of The Vampire Diaries to her in under five minutes . . .

Way to multitask, Girlfriend!

Speaking of cold shoulders, Caroline is still getting one from Matt.  And this prompts her to do something VERY BOLD!

After compelling the local musical talent to help her, “live out her rockstar fantasies, onstage” (LOVE HER!) Caroline expresses her feelings for Matt, by breaking into a surprisingly AWESOME rendition of the classic 80’s tune “Eternal Flame,” by the Bangles.

(Of course, the song’s title ends up being entirely prophetic, both in terms of Caroline’s “eternal” vampire status, and the fact that the whole place is about to, literally, go up in flames .  . . But, for now, we can just enjoy the “moment.”) 

When Caroline finishes singing, Matt hops up on stage, and plants a kiss on her lips, which is WAY more impressive than the lame one he gave her, a few episodes back though, not nearly as impressive as Tyler’s Ambush Kiss!.

While, Caroline and Matt head into the kitchen to make out some more, Bonnie decides to lay a little truth on Elena.  “Would it freak you out if I started dating your brother?”  Bonnie inquires, seemingly out of the blue.

“Well, it’s about damn time!”

Elena’s response is truly heartfelt, eloquent, and beautiful.  And, even though I don’t necessarily agree with it’s sentiment, I adore our heroine, for having the wherewithal to say exactly what her best friend needed to hear.  “My brother has been through a lot, lately,” begins Elena.  (Well THAT’S the understatement of the CENTURY!)

“He deserves to be with someone as amazing as you,” Elena concludes.  (Ummmmm . . . OK .. . if you say so!)

Unfortunately, the girls’ happiness doesn’t last long.  Hulked Out Chewbacca-Sounding Jonas starts burning the walls of the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, in search of Elena.  Fortunately, Damon, Stefan, and  . . . get this . . . Katherine . . . have gotten wind of what Jonas is trying to do, and have headed to the burning bar to save her.  Bonnie, for her part, tries to reason with Jonas . . .

But Jonas is WAY beyond reason (and speaking English, for that matter)!  He simply puts his hand on Bonnie’s head, gives her a massive headache, and walks away.   Eventually, Jeremy finds Bonnie, and the two leave the bar together.  Thankfully,Stefan is also able to locate Elena, and get her out of the club, before Crazed Firestarter Jonas can get to her . . .

Oh!  Bloody HELL!

Caroline and Matt, however, are not so lucky.  (Ahhhh, the dangers of Making Out in Kitchens During a Massive Bar Fire!)  Ever the kickass heroine, upon seeing Evil Jonas, the plucky Caroline vamps out and pounces on the witch.  As a result of her heroism, Caroline is rewarded with (SURPRISE!) yet another Witchy Migraine.  (Way to be not-at-all creative in your torture tactics, Jonas.  To make matters worse, the now-crying Caroline is then tossed aside, like a stale piece of meat. 

To his credit, the typically Bland Matt rushes to Caroline’s rescue, only to BE STAKED IN THE NECK with a VERY sharp object.

I hate to break this to you Matt.  But red . . . is totally NOT your color.

Watching her boyfriend bleed to death, right before her eyes, Caroline has no choice but to eat him do THIS . . .

A little while later, when Matt regains consciousness . . .

“Weirdest .  . . dream . . . ever.”

 . . . Caroline makes the controversial decision NOT to compel Clueless Ken to forget what happened.  Instead, she decides to come clean to him about exactly WHAT she is . . .  a vampire.  To say that Matt doesn’t take the news well is an understatement . . .

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Look familiar?

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See what I MEAN . .. about the repeated throwing . . . of the people . . . against the WALLS?

Now Tyler, was TOTALLY cool with Caroline being a vampire . . . at least, initially.  He freaked out on Caroline for being dishonest with him about OTHER vampires.  On the other hand, Matt immediately assumes that, JUST BECAUSE Caroline is a vampire, she, MUST have killed his sister, Vicki.

(In the words of Brittany S. Pierce, “That is SO RACIST!”)

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Meanwhile, back at the Gilbert House  . . .

Nah-Nah, Nah-Nah, Nah-Nah, Nah-Nah, Hey, Hey, Hey, GOODBYE!

SAYONARA SUCKA!

Jeremy and Bonnie are rejoicing over Jonas’ surprising RE-GIFTING of Bonnie’s powers, and her newfound plans to conquer Klaus, herself (Yeah . . . because THAT’s going to work out well!). This Happy-Happy, Joy-Joy time with “Jonnie” is interrupted, when Stefan, and a surprisingly prickly “Elena” barge into the house. 

“It’s not over yet,” says “Elena” brusquely, as she rushes upstairs toward the bathroom, leaving Stefan to explain to the rest of the Scooby Crew what the heck is going on . . .

We then see “Elena” look in the bathroom mirror.  Within seconds, Jonas materializes behind her.  Then, THIS happens . . .

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HAHA!  FOOLED YOU! 

So now . . . Jonas is dead.  And, of course,  judgy Bonnie, is whining about how she “didn’t have to kill him.”   (Ummm . . . Bonnie . . . actually . . .  SHE REALLY DID!)

Meanwhile, in my mind, Elena and Damon are ALONE in La Casa de Rich and Awesome having REALLY HOT SEX . . .

(A girl can DREAM, can’t she?)

When Kat and Stefan return, Elena is not all that happy to see her doppelganger, despite the fact that Kat has “graciously” returned the vervain necklace to her lookalike . . .  (Now, why does this scene strike me as familiar?)

*sings* Memories .  . . like the corners of my mind . . . Misty water-colored MEMORIES!

Kat promises Elena that she is not a threat to her.  After all, Kat presumably needs Elena alive, in order to kill Klaus.  The question is, can we really trust THE KAT. 

Well, I can’t speak for Stefan or Elena, but, after watching these next two scenes, I know what DAMON would say . . .

Kat Gets DE-NIED!

In the study of La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Kat decides to decompress, by reading a little more about the Exciting Life of Jonathan Gilbert (Zzzzzz!).  Fortunately, Kat doesn’t have to be bored for long.  Damon is there waiting for her, with a VERY SPECIAL SURPRISE!

SURPRISE! 🙂

“That’s for trying to get me killed.  Next time, it goes in your head,” Damon growls.

Apparently, Kat finds this whole “Staking Thing” a HUGE turn on, because she winds up in Damon’s MASSIVELY LARGE bed, just a few hours later.

Suddenly, Kat is being all coquettish and seductive.  Before we know it, she’s straddling Damon, and kissing him ALL OVER!

Damon’s response to this seduction:  “There are at least six other bedrooms in this house, why don’t you go find one of them?”

Translation:  Umm . . . Kat . .  .

Alternate Translation:  “I LOVE YOU, ELENA!”

See these?

They belong to KAT, now! 

Girlfriend, I feel your pain.  I’ve been there . . . well . . . sort of.  Might I suggest a VERY COLD SHOWER?

In other news . . . Alaric told Jenna he loves her . . . zzzzzzzzzzzz .  . . He’s also still wearing WAY too much guyliner . . .

As for Jenna, well, in the last few seconds of the episode, she gets a Very Special Visitor . . .

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She’s BAAAACK!

Jenna . . . you remember ISOBEL, right?  You know, Alaric’s supposedly DEAD wife?  The one who also, at least according to her, is Elena’s BIO MOM?

Oh, Alaric . . . you’ve got some ‘SPLAINING to do!

And, there you have it, the LAST Vampire Diaries episode until  . . . APRIL 7th!

Don’t worry, Fangbangers!  We’ll get through this together . . .

[www.juliekushner.com] [Fangirls Forever]

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Filed under The Vampire Diaries

The Vampire Diaries has FINALLY returned! Let’s celebrate with a LIVEBLOG!

It’s been a loooooooooong time, since The Vampire Diaries last graced our television screens . . .

Not quite 145 years .  . . but it sure felt like that long!

We have waited patiently . . .

(Admittedly, some of us may have been more patient than others .  . .)

And FINALLY our patience (or lack thereof) has been rewarded.  Because the wait is over, Fangbangers!  As for those Sexy Salvatore Brothers, well . . . THEY’RE BAAAAAAACK!

As you ALL probably know, The Vampire Diaries’ “The Descent” premieres January 27th at 8 p.m. on the CW.  The question is, how do YOU plan to celebrate?

Will you DANCE?

Or, perhaps, have a few drinks?

Do you plan on getting laid that night?

Maybe, you will get to do a ALL OF THE ABOVE!  (You lucky DOG, you!) 

But whatever you decide to do, momentous occasions like this simply don’t happen every day!  And when they do come around, it’s important to share them with fellow fangirls (and boys) like yourselves!  For this reason, my Brilliant, Gorgeous, Hilarious, and All Around Amazing Blogging Pals, Amy of Imaginary Men, and Cherie over at My Spidey Sense is Tingling, and I have decided to LIVEBLOG THE MID-SEASON PREMIERE!

What’s a LiveBlog, you ask?  Well, it’s kind of like a chat room where you can talk (well, more accurately, “type”) about “The Descent” with other fabulous fangirls, like yourself, while the show is airing.  Or, if you’re shy, just read along.  And let US do the work for you!

  In addition to covering the play-by-play of the episode, and repeatedly cooing over the hotness of the show’s cast  (Comments like “OMG!  HE IS SO GORGEOUS!” are, of course, inevitable, in these types of forums, and TOTALLY welcome!), Amy, Cherie and I will also be regaling you with screenshots from the episode, hot photos of the cast, and fun live polls, in which can take part. 

TYLER: *reads*  “Who’s the hottest character on The Vampire Diaries?  I’m going to go with choice “C,” Tyler!”

CAROLINE:  “Hmmmm . . . what are the other choices?”

TYLER:  “Hey!  Don’t make me go all werewolf on you, again!”

Of course, if you miss the LiveBlog, and want to check it out after the episode airs, you can do that too!  Here’s an example of a LiveBlog we did back in September, for the show’s season premiere. 

“Haha!  Those girls TOTALLY thought I was dead, when Damon broke my neck, back in ‘The Return.’  Silly Fangbangers!”

(Oh, and just a quick note, because we had some confusion last year.  A LiveBlog is not the same thing as a LiveStream.  Unfortunately, the technology we have available to us from CoverItLive does not allow us to stream the episode to other viewers, over the internet.  It provides “chat” services only.  There are a number of other websites that will stream the episode for you, of course.  However, us fangirls don’t have the resources — or the necessary legal approval — to offer you that particular service.  Sorry, in advance!)

So, if you are up for celebrating The Vampire Diaries’ mid-season premiere with a bunch of crazy fangirl bloggers, who share a love of  both snarky commentary and shirtless vampires . . .

 . . . CLICK HERE at 8 p.m. on Thursday, January 27th! 

(You never know WHO you might meet! 😉 )

[www.juliekushner.com]

6 Comments

Filed under Live Blogging Event, The Vampire Diaries

Sucking Up is Hard to Do – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Start Me Up”

We feel your pain, Callie!  We didn’t want you involved in a Bad Pregnancy Storyline, either . . .

Sucking up . . . Kissing up . . . Brown nosing . . . Kissing ass . . . whatever term you have for it, it’s a skill!  It might not necessarily be an admirable skill, or an ethical skill, but it is a skill, nonetheless.  “Sucking up” is something that doesn’t come naturally to most people.  For one thing, it involves some serious acting.  And not everyone can be an actor.  But, perhaps, more importantly, sucking up well requires a certain amount of pride swallowing, which NOBODY likes to do . . .

 . . . least of all, a bunch of over-achieving, super smart, and extremely arrogant, doctors!  (Is it any wonder, Seattle Grace is filled with so much HOT AIR?)

Well . . . yes . . . THAT too . . . but I was more referring to this kind of “hot air.”

Like it or not, nearly every single character on this show was forced to swallow a bit of their pride this week.  And not all of them succeeded in doing so . . .

McDreamy Sex, Peeing on Sticks, and Poop-Covered Babies . . .

When the episode begins, Meredith and Derek are seated on the edge of their bed, woefully examining the evidence of their non-pregnancy.  Somewhere inside Meredith’s lower abdomen, her Hostile Uterus is pumping his fist in triumph to the theme song from Rocky . . .

“I am the champion, my friends.  And I’ll keep on fighting ’til the end.”

Rather than suck up her pride, and admit that Hostile Uterus is a worthy contender, Cristina suggests that Meredith “battle” said Uterus, in the same way that little kids “battle” the Boogey Man under their beds:  i.e. “Simply pretend it doesn’t exist, and maybe it will go away!”  Yes, boys and girls, DOCTOR Meredith Grey thought she could beat Hostile Uterus into submission by buying TEN PREGNANCY TESTS, and peeing on ALL OF THEM!

Neonatal Surgeon, Addison Montgomery, does NOT approve . . .

Later, when Meredith complains to Cristina about how gosh darn exhausting it is to pee on sticks all day, Cristina wisely notes that Poop-Covered Babies are much MORE exhausting .  . . “What makes you think my baby will be Poop-Covered?”  Meredith asks, defensively.

Oh, Meredith . . . you have so very much to learn . . .

Meredith’s and McDreamy’s Future McBaby

Oh BABY!

Meredith isn’t the only one failing miserably at swallowing her pride this week.  Arizona, herself, is forced to admit that she (gasp!) has FAULTS, when Callie (1) refuses to forgive her for going to Malawi; and (2) pretty much treats her like crap for the entire episode.  It all starts when Arizona buys out Callie’s subleters overnight, and moves back into the apartment they once shared together. 

 (You’ll notice that this is the second time that Callie has woken up to find that Arizona has been lurking around her home, while she slept.  It’s a little creepy . . . I’m not going to lie.)

After calling her “self-centered,” “selfish,” and a whole bunch of other VERY mean names, Callie decides to REALLY let Arizona know how she feels about her.  “I don’t want to see you.  I don’t want you in my life.  Get your crap out of my apartment.”

Ummm . . . Ouch?

Far from being put off by Callie’s 85,00th rejection of her since she’s returned, the clearly deluded optimistic Arizona remarks to a very embarrassed Mark, who has quietly watched the entire exchange,  “It’s good that she’s mad.  It means she feels something.”

(Oh . . . she feels something, all right.  She feels like she wants to CUT YOU!)

Be afraid, Arizona.  Be VERY AFRAID!

When Arizona explains to Mark that she doesn’t know any of her own flaws (aside from being a workaholic and smoking sometimes, of course), Mark seems more than happy to help her out  . . .

Throughout the course of the episode, while Arizona and Mark argue the merits of putting cadaver bones versus human bones in some teen’s face, so that she can play sports (Don’t ask.  I didn’t really get it either.), Mark tells Arizona that she is patronizing, passive aggressive, stubborn, doesn’t listen, and basically has a whole host of other things that are wrong with her.  (Because, clearly, this was Poop on Arizona Day on Grey’s Anatomy). 

But the biggest FLAW Arizona has, is that she is a “bailer.”  In other words, when the going get tough, the tough get going, and Arizona runs away like a little b*tch.  Well . . . at least that’s what she’s done, up until now . . .

In the final moments of the episode, Arizona conveniently barges in on Callie, as the latter rides on the WORLD’S SLOWEST ELEVATOR.  Speaking of said elevator, it used to be completely void of any artwork, whatsoever.  Now, it conveniently features a conspicous PICTURE OF A BABY . . .

Source

(I haven’t been this creeped out by an image on a wall, since someone told me there was a ghost of some dead kid in the film Three Men and a Baby . . .)

That’s right, kiddies.  Arizona finally apologized for walking out on Callie, declared her love, and begged for forgiveness . . . and Callie . . . well, she told Arizona that she was pregnant with Mark’s baby . . .

Source

Watch out, Callie!  Lexie’s coming after you for screwing her man.  And she’s armed and dangerous!

Speaking of inappropriate relationships . . .

Teddy is quickly learning that her No Frills Insurance Marriage to Henry Sick Noel from Felicity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  Two more episodes, and these two will be boning one another.  Mark my words!  For starters, the Chief found out about the couple’s little “arrangement,” and has been totally reaming Teddy a new one, ever since.

CHIEF:  “How dare you marry Noel!  He’s meant to be with Felicity!

TEDDY:  But Felicity ended up with Ben, remember?  They went to med school together.  And then Felicity went back in time, and found out that if she chose Noel, back in college, Noel would have died in that dorm fire.”

CHIEF:  “Went back in time?!  What the heck are you talking about?”

TEDDY:  “I know right?  It was a good show, but it pretty much had the WORST FINALE EVER!”

To further complicate matters, Noel’s tumors are attacking his insides.  And, in the course of a single episode, he needs both his kidney, his dignity, and a good portion of his pancreas removed.  Teddy learns about all of Noel’s complications, at about the same time she learns that he has put her down as his “Emergency Contact” on his insurance forms. 

This kind of pisses Teddy off.  Marriage?  NO PROBLEM!  Emergency contact?  NO EFFING WAY!

“Our vows said, ‘In Sickness and in Health’ . . . ‘Til Death Do Us Part.’  The whole “Emergency Contact” thing was kind of implied in there.  Don’t you think?”

Seeing the obvious distress on Teddy’s face, Noel explains that he is 42-years old.  (NO WAY, NOEL!  You graduated from college in the 00’s.  You’re in your early 30’s, TOPS!)  His parents are dead.  His sister is in Europe, and he’s been too sick to make many friends.  So, Teddy is basically, Noel’s only friend now (Sucks to be him!), hence the “Emergency Contact” thing.   To be honest, it’s kind of a depressing story.  But it ended sweetly, with Teddy and Noel clasping hands in “friendship.”

(But it’s going to be MUCH sweeter when they screw, sometime within the next two episodes . . . Trust me!)

But you know who’s already screwing?  THESE TWO!

Way to GO, BAILEY!  It’s high time the Nazi got some nookie in the on-call room.  (Everyone else on this show has!)  Naughty Nurse Eli is precisely what Bailey needs to lift her out of the funk her character has been in, since The Shooting . . .  I hope they continue to go at it like bunnies . . .

 . . . for a VERY LONG TIME! 

(The more often they do it, the more likely it is that we will get to see Daniel Sunjata NAKED!  The way I see it, it’s a win-win!) 

In other news . . .

The Race for Chief Resident is ON (like Donkey Kong!)

The fourth year residents were SUPPOSED to be kissing the asses of the First-Year Med Students, who were at Seattle Grace on a “field trip” this week.  Doing this would impress upon the Chief that they were “Chief Resident Material.”  But, as I said earlier, the Seattle Graces docs don’t kiss ass all that well.  So, their competition basically  erupted into a game of Abuse the Special Guest Star Student.

Sloan drew on this poor guy’s head with permanent marker . . .

Evil Warren from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (who has apparently taken a break from World Domination and Creating Robot Girlfriends, in order to attend Med School), accidentally made Cristina (who’s TOTALLY back to her hardcore self, by the way) look bad, by undermining her authority to the Chief, and spilling the beans to a patient about his dire medical condtion.  So, she got back at him, by nearly shoving his head inside a gross tumor, and making him faint . . .

Avery bodily pushed Johan Hill’s Twin Brother (Seriously!  The resemblance is uncanny.) out of EVERY surgery, in which he was involved.   He then pouted when Jonah Hill 2.0 conveniently offered up information that saved a patient’s life at the last minute . . .

This chick had the gall to try to make friends with Meredith, and TEXT her boyfriend, while inside the hospital.  So Meredith totally b*tched her out.

Out of all the Special Guest Stars First Year Med Students, Ashleigh from Greek fared the best, by far, because she got to screw Alex Karev . . .

Having heard it directly from the Chief, we all KNOW that Ashleigh gave Karev a good review, for “Playing Doctor” with her at Seattle Grace.  (Alex was the only resident who “aced” his first “Race to Chief Challenge,” as a result.  Everybody else BOMBED IT!) 

However, we can only guess as to what she told Casey and her friends at the ZBZ house, upon arriving back home . . .

An Interesting Casting Note:  Fans of the show Greek, might recall, that for a few episodes at least, Ashleigh and Casey fought over which of them would be the first to bed a mysterious man, known to them only as “The Hotness Monster.”  And I bet you will never guess who played the Hotness Monster on the show . . .

It’s DOCTOR AVERY!

Talk about your coincidences, right?  It really is a shame that Ashleigh and Avery didn’t get to hook up!  (Not only would Greek fans have gotten a kick out of it, it also would have been REALLY HOT!)  Clearly, Shondra Rhimes is saving Avery’s virtue for ME!  That’s the only possible explanation as to why she’s been keeping the Hotness Monster (now Dr. Hotness), as celibate as MONK for OVER TWO SEASONS!  (Not that I’m complaining. ;))

Speaking of screwing, the episode ended up Meredith and Derek “practicing” their Mad Baby-Making Skills . . .

Take THAT, Hostile Uterus!

“I’ll get you My Pretty, and your little McWeiner too!”

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Welcome Back, Grey’s! (AND DOCTOR YANG!) – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Disarm”

The Dark and Twisty Sisters with Scalpels — Reunited, and it feels SO GOOD!

Welcome back, my fellow Greysies!  Man, I missed you!  I missed THIS SHOW!  I missed all the sexy . . . and all the SEX . . . and all the nakedness . . .

Never . . . gets . . . old.

I missed all the snappy one liners . . . and the tears I inevitably shed, during EVERY SINGLE EPISODE. 

Note:  That is not ME, crying . . . just in case you got confused there.

But most of all, I missed MY CRISTINA YANG!  The real one . . . not the troubled zombie-esque doppelganger with whom we have spent the first half of the season.  Well, let me tell you something . . . CRISTINA’S BACK, BABY!

You all know who we have to thank for that, right?

Nope.

Guess again!

“You’re welcome.”

(Man, if we knew all it would take to snap Cristina out of her funk, was having her holding a smelly fish for ten seconds, we would have given her one a LOOOOOOOOONG time ago!)

But I’m getting off track . . . So, let’s get on with the recap, OK?

Three Sex Scenes for the Price of ONE!

Say what you want about the Grey’s writers.  But they SURE do know their audience!  After a month of Grey’s sex withdrawal, our pals at Seattle Grace rewarded our patience, with not one, not two, but THREE sex scenes, within the first TWO MINUTES of the episode!  How’s THAT for ambitious?  I mean, I’ve seen pornos with less action than that . . .

“Oh, Mr. Pizza Delivery Man!  Your MEATBALLS are the biggest in town!”

And we aren’t talking plain old vanilla sex, either.  Take our first couple, Meredith and Derek, for instance.  They start the episode fighting over Cristina’s “healing process.”  But just when it looks like Derek might win the fight, Meredith goes in for a sucker punch.  “I’m ovulating,” she tells him. 

“Ugggggghhhhh,” replies Derek, rolling his eyes like a petulant teen, as he reluctantly takes off his boxers under the blankets.  (You would think his wife just asked him to clean the toilet, or something!)

Given his SUPER enthusiastic response, Meredith is faced with the near impossible challenge of pretending she DOESN’T want to have sex with PATRICK DEMPSEY, in order to preserve her dignity!  “I can’t even look at you, right now,” Meredith fibs.

“Fine!  Then turn over,” retorts Derek.

And under the covers they both go . . .

“Who has two hands, and just had Doggy Style Sex on prime time television.  THIS GIRL!”

Unfortunately, due to those pesky censors, ABC wasn’t able to show us the actual MerDer sex footage.  BUT I CAN!  Wanna see?

Our second sex scene belonged to a decidedly FORWARD FACING Owen and Cristina.  (I posted their “money shots” above, for your viewing pleasure.)  Unlike Meredith and Derek, Owen and Cristina didn’t screw like dogs . . . more like bunnies . . .

Apparently, holding a fish for ten seconds, not only cures PTSD and depression, it also does wonders for your SEX LIFE!   Cristina is just basking in the glow of fish sex with Owen — so much so that she decides to spend the day sightseeing!  Owen would love to come (See what I did there?).  However, he has a JOB to do, and a faux wedding to witness (more on that later) . . .

We cut to Sloan and Lexie doing it.  Like the two couples before them, they exchanged some cuddles and post-coital talk, after doing the deed.  But honestly, I can’t remember a word of what they said, as I was completely mesmerized by Eric Dane’s massive arm muscles, at the time . . .

But you know who WASN’T having sex?  Callie!

Nope . . . not even THAT kind of sex . . .

If you recall, at the end of the last episode, Arizona returned to the U.S. to be with Callie.  And a VERY PISSED OFF Callie slammed the door in her face.  So, you can imagine Callie’s surprise, when she stomped out of her apartment the following morning to find Arizona STILL THERE!  Apparently, girlfriend woke up early, got some coffee, and resumed her vigil outside Callie’s home.  “Go back to Malawi,” Callie tells the former love of her life coldly, as she walks right past her.

“Ummm . . . OK . . . but can you let me in your apartment first?  That frappuccino made me really have to pee.”

In other, “not getting laid” news, Teddy was awkwardly waiting at court to marry her new Husband for Medical Insurance Purposes, Noel from Felcity.  (I’m sure he has another name on this show.  I just refuse to acknowledge it, because he will forever be NOEL to me . . .)

“So . . . Noel . . . do you like scary movies?”

Owen arrives as the necessary Wedding Witness. (This made me feel kind of sad for Noel, who apparently had no friends to ask, which is strange, because I know Felicity totally would have come!)  After he chastizes Teddy a bit about the obvious dangers of marrying the killer from Scream 3, Owen reluctantly does his part in the impromptu ceremony.  Far from your typical bridezilla, a harried Teddy rushes the officiant to hurry up the wedding proceedings, so she can go to work.

“Can you tell me how to get to the Space Needle,  Mini McDreamy?”

While her husband is busy witnessing a sham wedding, Cristina heads off to sight see.  She finds this super hot bike rider — who looks like a clone of  how Patrick Dempsey probably looked about ten years ago — and asks him for directions to the Space Needle.  “First time in Seattle, eh?”  He flirts.

(It’s OK, Cristina.  I’ve lived right outside New York City all my life, and NEVER been inside the Empire State Building.  Landmarks are for tourists, DAMMIT!)

“Ummm . . . OK,” Cristina deadpans, knowing full well, that if this was a romantic comedy, she would have immediately started babbling on about her whole traumatic experience to this stranger.  (They then would have undoubtedly fallen in love.  And then, at the end of the movie, he would have proposed to her . . . at the top of the Space Needle, of course!)

Sleepless in Seattle Grace — Coming soon to a theater near you!

Mini McDreamy kindly directs Cristina to the Space Needle.  However, when a series of ambulences pass by the pair, sirens wailing, she follows them instead.  Poor Mini Mac watches her go, dumbfounded, because he has clearly stepped onto the wrong show . . .

As it turns out, there was a massive shooting at a local college.  Cristina comes on the scene, just as one of the injured is taken into an ambulance.  “You need to crack his chest,” she yells instinctively at the EMT’s hovering over the stretcher . . .

“You’ve been replaced.”

Back at the hospital, Arizona Robbins is officially having the WORST DAY EVER!  For one thing, she’s majorly jetlagged.  For another, her girlfriend won’t take her back.  Callie never even let her PEE at the apartment.   Then Chief Webber tells her she can’t have her old job back, because that Super Douche Dr. Stark has replaced her as Head of Pediatrics.  But in a few moments, both Arizona and Dr. Webber will have much more important things to worry about than Arizona’s relationship and employment status . . .

Deja Vu . . .

In the lobby of the hospital, we find the entire Seattle Grace staff huddled around a television, sobbing.  News has just broken about the campus shooting at the local college.  An indeterminate number of students and faculty have been injured, and they are headed to Seattle Grace for treatment. 

Like a general preparing his troops for battle, Chief Webber delivers a solemn and inspirational speech to his tearful and highly emotional staff, as they await the arrival of the ambulances.  His speech was so touching and powerful, it brought tears to my eyes, when I heard it during the episode promo.  It brought tears to them again, during the episode itself.  And it made me cry a third time, when I rewatched the promo to get them all down on paper to use in this recap. 

Here’s what he said:  “We are going to have feelings today, and there is no shame in that.  What we went through six months ago, is what they are going through right now, which makes them our brothers and sisters.”

As the ambulences arrive, we are introduced, one-by-one, to the patients that will be the focus of the episode.  The first is a 15-year old certified genius, who has been shot in the stomach and leg.  The second is a professor, who has fallen from a four-story window, while trying to help his students escape. 

The third is a policeman who disarmed the shooter, but was shot himself, in the process.  In the ambulence with that victim was the police chief who royally effed up the handling of the Seattle Grace shooting, six months prior.  (Remember, how many times those Keystone cops of his had that nutjob in their sights, and let him get AWAY?)

Police Chief FAIL!

But, in all seriousness, it was hard to hate on the Police Chief, when he seemed so genuinely concerned as to the well-being of the younger cop.  In addition to his obviously having a fatherly type relationship with this policeman, the Police Chief has other reasons for wanting his employee to survive this accident.  Apparently, this patient is the only one who will actually be able to identify the Shooter . . .

And yet, it’s the inhabitants of the  fourth ambulence, that really cause all the fans mouths to drop open . . .

Remember that guy who Cristina witnessed being carried into the ambulence, during the first few moments of the episode?  Well, as it turns out, she didn’t just TELL the EMTs to crack his chest.  She did it for them! 

Since Cristina’s hands are inside the patient’s body cavity, Teddy, who will be the lead attending on the surgery, allows her former protege to participate in the operation.  But just in case Doppelganger Zombie Cristina rears her ugly head again, Teddy wisely requests that Dr. Avery scrub in as well . . .

“All State, BABY!”

The mood of the episode, lightens just a bit, as we are taken inside another OR, where Douchebag Stark and Karev are operating on the 15-year old prodigy.  Psycho Stark seems absolutely intent on sawing off the poor teen’s leg!  He claims this is because she has other life threatening injuries.  This is despite the fact that the other unnamed doctor on the scene, informs Stark that these other injuries are under control . . .

Ummm .  . . Dr. Giggles?  Just because you are operating on a minor, doesn’t mean you should treat surgery like a game of Operation . . .

“But the game told me to remove the LEG BONE!  If I don’t remove it, I’LL LOSE!”

Karev knows there is a way to save the girl’s leg, without causing her any additional medical harm; and he tells Stark as much.  But Dr. Giggles blows him off.  Fortunately, Arizona is watching the event from the cheap seats, and sides with Karev.  An affronted Dr. Giggles pouts, and calls Arizona unprofessional, telling her she no longer has any authority at this hospital.  “Body block him, Karev,” shouts Arizona, as she dashes off to get scrub-in approval. 

Source

As Karev continues his standoff with the squirrelly Dr. Giggles, Arizona commandeers Callie to help with the surgery . .  .

When Callie hears Karev’s side of the story, she immediately kicks Dr. Giggles out of the OR, and takes over.  “In this hospital, we take shootings, very personally,” explains Callie. 

Once Giggles is gone, Callie sends a triumphant Karev to help other patients in need.  “Yesssss, that’s cool!  My work here is done.  ALL STATE, BABY!”  He shouts, pumping his fist, as he struts out of the OR, in true Alpha Male Frat Boy Fashion.  (LOVE HIM!)

Meanwhile Sniveling Dr. Giggles whines to Dr. Webber about being kicked out of his OWN OR . . .

But Webber (who was TOTALLY my hero this week, by the way), absolutely OWNED the bastard, by shutting him up for good, with THIS gem of a line, “Go be a DOCTOR!  People are DYING!  GO SAVE A LIFE, NOWWWW!”

Back in the OR, Arizona was taking advantage of her Captive Audience Surgical Moment with Callie, to grovel her way back into Callie’s Pretty Pink Pantalones.  Callie DEFINITELY wasn’t having it . . .  But you know what she WAS having?  REALLY HUGE HOOP EARRINGS . . .

OK . . . maybe I was exaggerating their size just a bit.  But was I the only one bothered by this?  I mean, I know how often I lose MY hoop earrings!  So, if my body is lying on an operating table, chopped in HALF, I sure as heck don’t want my doctor wearing those, while she’s sewing me back up.  The only hoops I want in my body cavity are the ones that were there to begin with!  Just sayin’ . . .

Anyway, Callie and Arizona ended up saving the prodigy’s leg.  Their relationship?  Not so much . . . When Arizona tells Callie that she “loves her” and “crossed the whole world to be with her,” Callie retorts with, “There are two of us in this relationship . . . you came back, but I didn’t.” 

It was harsh moment for the pair, but one bursting with truth and revelations from both parties.   To be honest, I’m not quite sure who’s side I’m on here.  I sort of feel bad for both of them.  Am I the only one?

“I was the wife in that waiting room.”

Speaking of surgical relationship squabbles, Meredith and Derek were having one of their own, as they performed brain surgery on the professor who fell from the four-story window.  Meredith kept excusing herself to update the patient’s wife on his progress. 

 This deeply annoyed Derek, who saw the repeated interruptions as an unnecessary hinderance to the surgical procedure.  “Since when are you more interested in updating the wife in the waiting room, than doing this?”  Derek inquires coldly.

“Since I was the wife in the waiting room!”  Meredith exclaims.  “You and Cristina are so busy supporting eachother.  Have you even noticed that I went through a trauma too?”

Meredith reminds Derek that being “the wife in the waiting room,” was so traumatic to her, six months ago that she came into the OR, and asked that The Shooter take her life instead of Derek’s.  Meredith’s speech touches Derek at his core.   Finally, he understands the extent of what his wife has endured.  Derek is so overwhelmed with emotion, that he must take a moment to collect his thoughts, before continuing on with the surgery.

Outside in the lobby, Meredith leads the Professor’s wife and other patient’s family members to the center of the hospital (where the Seattle Grace Shooting took place, by the way).  From there, the family members can see the hospital parking lot, where thousands of college students are standing together holding candles, and singing their school’s alma mater.  (Oh yeah . . . this scene made me cry too . . .just in case there was any doubt.)

Though it was not without its complications, the professor’s surgery is a success.  So elated is the Professor’s Wife with this news that she gives Derek a big hug!  Later, Derek embraces Meredith, in a sweet apology, for his douchiness to her throughout the episode.  “You’ve been holding everyone up all along.  You amaze me,” he whispers in her ear.

Derek has some additional good news for Meredith.   Cristina is PERFORMING SURGERY AGAIN!

Getting Closure . . .

Although Cristina’s story of catharsis and healing was undoubtedly the most significant of the episode, it was far from the only one.  Other characters were also able to obtain peace and closure, as a result of this second tragic, but ultimately triumphant event.  For Bailey, this came from her being able to save a young man named Chuck from dying of a wound that was startlingly similar to the one Charles Percy suffered during the Seattle Grace shooting . . .

So, overwhelmed with emotion is Bailey, by the obvious similarities between the two patients and their conditions, that she repeatedly calls this new patient “Charles” instead of “Chuck.”  Charles Percy may have died, but Chuck will hopefully lead a long life, thanks to Bailey’s strength and perseverence . . .

April . . .

. . . who was undoubtedly still experiencing some feelings of guilt over the way she froze — and was generally unable to act — during the Seattle Grace Shooting, was given the opportunity to take charge of this situation.  When all the ORs in the hospital were booked, Owen assigned April to run an improptu trauma center in the hospital.  Because we ALL remember how kick ass she was in trauma training, right?

Well, apparently, she kicks ass at it in real life too, as she showed us this week!  This just proves, once again that April Kepner is TOTALLY the New George O’Malley, both in terms of social awkwardness, and trauma prowess . . .

R.I.P. O’Malley!

During the Seattle Grace Shooting, Lexie and Sloan operated on a very wounded Alex, using only the bare minimum of surgical tools that were available to them.  When faced with virtually the same situation once again, Mark made sure to allow Lexie to do the surgical cutting, so that she could prove to herself that she was capable of doing so a second time.  Toward the end of the episode, a grateful Lexie tells Mark she loves him.  He’s obviously thrilled!

I predict MANY more hours of bunny sex in this couple’s future . . .

“Your Patient is the Shooter.”

When the policeman finally awakens, and offers a description of the shooter, we learn, much to our chagrin, that it is the patient on which Teddy, Yang, and Avery are currently operating.  Floored by the notion that the three of them will be “wasting” an excessive amount of hospital resources — which could be used on other patients– to save the life of the person who caused all the casualties, in the first place, Avery storms out of the OR . . .  (He does that A LOT, doesn’t he?)

Teddy thanks Cristina for staying to complete the surgery.  “I know it can’t have been an easy decision,” says the Cardio God. 

“You know what, though?  It was,” explains Cristina thoughtfully!

(Can I just reiterate how ELATED I am that our girl is back?)

As for Avery, he somewhat softens his position on whether the hospital should expend resources on saving the shooter’s life, when he hears Alex talk of his schizophrenic brother trying to shoot his sister.  “If he got hurt doing it, I’d want the doctors to do everything they could to save his life.  No matter what, he’s still my brother,” Alex explains.

I know he’s a MAJOR ass, sometimes, but I’m still in love with Alex Karev . . .

Avery takes Alex’s words to heart, when he comforts the mother of the Shooter, by gently explaining to her that her son is still alive, and all efforts are being taken to save him . . .

I know he’s a MAJOR ass sometimes, but I’m still in love with Jackson Avery too!  (Notice a pattern here?)

As the rest of the staff wrap up their surgeries, the doctors come to watch Cristina and Teddy finish operating on the Shooter . . .

As they watch, Webber explains to them, that of the 26 patients that were brought to the hospital, as a result of this second shooting, there were NO casualties.  Upon hearing this, the whole staff immediately erupts into tears that are a mixture of happiness for the triumphs of the day, and despair for the losses of six months prior.  Shortly thereafter, they all start LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY, in order to obtain a much needed cathartic emotional release after an unbearably stressful.  Dr. Stark, however, is NOT amused . . .

“I HATE THIS PLACE,”  he whines, storming out as the rest of the staff continues to chuckle at his expense. 

The “fun” continues, when Dr. Webber tells Arizona that he was lying to her before.  She CAN come back to Seattle Grace .  . . provided she works under Dr. Stark.  The look on Arizona’s face when he gives her the news is PRICELESS!

“Webber say WHAT?”

After the final surgery of the day, an exhausted Teddy reluctantly heads to Joe’s Bar (which is the only bar in Seattle, apparently), to fill out medical insurance paper work with her new husband, Noel Crane . . .

But Noel, ever the charmer, convinces her to share a celebratory drink with him first.  “You saved MY life today,” he explains sweetly, “and that deserves a toast.”

(OK . . . so I’m going to give these two three episodes tops, before they are doing the horizontal mambo together.  Anyone care to wager with me?)

But the best scene of all came at the very end of the episode, when best friends Cristina and Meredith — both clad in scrubs (as they SHOULD BE!) — reunited, after taking a LONG and very PAINFUL break from one another.

“Wanna get a drink?”  Cristina asks congenially, as if no time or recriminations have passed between them at all.”

“Yeah . . . but not a real drink, since I’m trying to get pregnant.  And I read that drinking when your pregnant results in your baby having three heads, and sixteen toes,” replies Meredith conversationally.

“How about some crack cocaine then?”  Cristina retorts, as the pair walk off into the night together, and the screen fades to black. 

Yep . . . Meredith and Cristina . . . still dark and twisty after all these years . . .

Well, that’s all she wrote, Greysies!  Be sure to tune in next week, to watch Bailey get some LONG OVERDUE sex action from THIS GUY!

Is it Thursday yet?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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