Heebie Jeebies, Creepy Crawlies, and Hot Abs – A Recap of Glee’s “The Rocky Horror Glee Show”

I have to say, the Glee producers took a decidedly big risk in choosing the theme for this week’s show. 

For one thing, The Rocky Horror Picture Show itself is an “acquired taste.”  It’s got its fans.  It’s got its haters.  And it’s got a good portion of Glee’s fanbase, who have never seen it at all . . .

The show is also pretty raunchy.  (All the characters that aren’t actually “doing it” on-screen, are impliedly getting busy off of it.)

Did I mention that the fans of the show are SERIOUSLY hard core?  You mess with what made them fall in love with this show, and they will make you live to regret it!  (I mean, these guys throw toast at people . . . for fun.)

Hopefully, they don’t throw the Grilled Cheesus . . .

All that being said, I think Glee did an admirable, if slightly imperfect, tribute to a musical classic this week.  And for that, they deserve a round of applause . . .

And . . . let’s face it . . . the multitude of Half-Naked Dudes didn’t hurt either . . .

Did you ever notice, how the writers of Glee find an excuse to show Chord Overstreet more or less naked in EVERY SINGLE EPISODE?  Not that we’re complaining . . .

Let’s “Time Warp” back to the beginning of the episode, shall we?

School Musical = Foreplay?

Someone should really instruct the federal government to watch this week’s episode of Glee.  After all, it includes within it, the solution to ALL of the nation’s healthcare problems!  I mean, who the heck needs medicine at all, when you’ve got Uncle Jesse from Full House catering to your physical, emotional, and psychological needs?

Having already raised TWO Olsen twins, there’s nothing this guy can’t do . . .

Well, at least, this is what Will’s lunch meeting with Emma suggests.  Just a few dates with Uncle Jesse Carl, and our OCD Poster Child, now, not only no longer needs to cut the crusts off her sandwiches, or wear plastic bags on her hands in public, she also apparently enjoys “playing dress up” and watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show, amidst a filthy theater of costumed “Toast Throwers!”

Emma shows Will how to do the “Time Warp” . . . again.

This marked change in Emma inspires Will to do something daring: namely, use his students to try lure Emma back into his arms (and, hopefully, his bed).

. . . because using kids to get sex . . . well . . . THAT’s not creepy at all . . .

So, that afternoon, Will informs his Glee kids that they will be performing The Rocky Horror Picture Show for their school musical production.  The proceeds from the show will be used to break Puck out of juvie (come back, Puck, COME BACK!) fund the club’s trip to the National Glee Club Competition in New York City!

In “brilliantly creative” and “not-at-all stereotypical” casting news, Will wants Finn and Rachel to play the dorky male and female leads, Brad and Janet;

He also wants Artie to play . .  . wait for it . . . the Guy in the Wheelchair . . .

I’m shocked!

 Will also hopes that Kurt will play the Very Flamboyant and Sexually Ambiguous Villain, Dr. Frankenfurter . . .

“Flamboyant?  Moi?”

Unfortunately, Kurt is totally not down with dressing in drag (He ends up being cast as a surprisingly convincing Riff Raff.)

 And so, who offers to take the part, but . . .

MIKE CHANG? 

Woah!  Color me impressed!  It looks like Uncle Jesse Dr. Carl has not only cured Emma of OCD, he has also broke Tina’s Dancing “Hot Patootie” of a Boyfriend out of his chronic, nearly mute, Glee Club laziness . . .

I am already picturing those abs encased in a tight leather leotard . . . Mmmmm!

Oh and Puck Sam will play the Hot Brainless Robot, who everybody desperately wants to screw, Rocky “The Creature.”

If You Can Dream It, Be It, Buddy . . .

With all those “innovative casting decisions” behind him, Will hands the club permission slips, to be signed by their parents, and sends them on their way.  And with that, Will’s dastardly plans to steal Emma from Uncle Jesse, have officially been set in motion . . .

Body Conscious

“I have no idea what’s going on in this script.  And, not in a cool, Inception way,” remarks Finn, as he and Rachel run through their lines, as Brad and Janet.

“Oh come on!  The Leo character was TOTALLY dreaming!  How else would you explain his kids not aging or changing their clothes for 10 years?”

Things get even more confusing, when Rachel informs Finn that he will be performing the scene on stage in his underwear.  (This just became like every bad dream, I have ever had . . .)

“I can’t be on stage in my Tighty Whities,” squeaks Finn.

Wait . . . Finn wears Tighty Whities?  In my dreams, I always kind of pictured him as a Boxer Guy . . .

Immediately recognizing that her boyfriend suffers from “Body Issues,” Rachel comforts him by telling him that he is the “Hottest Boy in School.” 

Hottest Boy in School . . . Third Hottest Boy in Glee Club . . . same difference, right?

As Sue Sees It . . .

Honestly, I would watch my local news SO MUCH MORE OFTEN, if it contained a segment like Sue’s Corner.  These little segments never fail to make me giggle like a school girl when I watch them.  “Halloween is a time when Little Boys to dress like Little Girls; Little Girls dress like Whores; and [both] brow beat hard working American families into giving them food,” she begins.

“We’ve lost the true meaning of Halloween . . . FEAR.”

Be afraid.  Be VERY afraid . . .

Sue concludes the segment, by advising Mommies to tell their kids that Daddy is a “Brain-Eating Zombie” who just whispered to Mommy that the kids “look delicious.”

After the segment, Sue is visited in her office by two  guys that look like insurance claim adjusters, but are actually Barry Bostwick and Meatloaf. (These guys played Brad and Eddie, respectively, in the original Rocky Horror Picture Show movie).

Apparently, Bostwick and Meatloaf also head up the Local News.  They inform Sue that they are aware that her high school’s Glee club will be putting on a very controversial Rocky Horror performance at the school.  Therefore, they would like her to write a “hard-hitting” news piece on the subject . . .

And so, with a Local Emmy on her mind and evil in her heart, Sue approaches Will about helping him out with the play. 

Will responds by reluctantly asking her to play the Criminologist in the production.  How fitting!

Hot Patootie!

Sue’s “assistance” comes in handy, almost immediately.  When Mike Chang’s parents tell their child they are “so not cool” with him wearing makeup and playing a tranny in the school play, Sue commandeers Uncle Jesse to help out . . .

Yes, because having a 40-something year old leather clad man seduce teenagers on stage is not inappropriate or creepy at ALL!

A skeptical (not to mention insanely jealous) Will insists that Carl audition before getting the role.  Apparently, Dr. Carl isn’t just an expert in cleaning teeth and curing OCD, the dude can also SING AND DANCE.  Using his signature Jesse and the Rippers’ style, Dr. Carl performs a rousing interpretation of Rocky Horror’s “Hot Patootie,” (sung by Meatloaf, in the original production) while joyfully spinning his girlfriend Emma around the classroom.

“I am SO screwed!”

A very huffy Will remarks that, since Carl will be playing Dr. Frankenfurter, he should have to audition with one of his songs.   But Carl staunchly refuses to cross dress.  And so, he will play “Eddie” instead. 

But who will play Dr. Frankenfurter?

“I’ll do it Mr. Schue,” remarks Mercedes.

Recalling the “if you can dream it, be it,” line from the show, Mercedes explains that she has always wanted to play the lead in a school play, and playing Dr. Frankenfurter would give her the perfect opportunity.  YOU GO, GIRL!

In the next scene, we get to watch Mercedes perform Dr. Frankenfurter’s iconic “Sweet Transvestite” dressed in full Frankenfurter garb.  I must admit, I was a bit skeptical at first of a women playing the part of a male crossdresser.  However, I must say that her interpretation of the song was pretty ingenious. 

“It’s astounding!”

The songs new “PG” lyrics, however, left a bit to be desired.  “Sin-sational Pennsylvania?”  Come ON, writers!  What exactly made it acceptable to use the word “transvestite,” but NOT the word “transsexual.” 

*sighs*  PRUDES!

Speaking of Prudes . . .

After the rehearsal, Will confronts Emma (who he has hired on as the show’s Sex Toy Costume Designer) about how wrong Carl is for the role of Eddie.  The conversation evolves into a discussion about Sam, and how uncomfortable he is in the barely-there tight gold undies he is forced to wear as Rocky.  Will’s solution.  “I can play Rocky!”

Riiiiiiiight, because a 30-something half-naked man being seduced by a bunch of half-naked teenagers is not inappropriate or creepy at all!

Emma, who’s clearly a moron agrees with Will that his playing Rocky would be an “amazing” idea!  And so, Will asks her to rehearse Rocky’s main musical number “Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me” with him. 

While Santana and Brittany watch excitedly from a nearby window . . .

 . . . (assuming the voyeuristic roles Magenta and Columbia had in the original show), Will and Emma begin to perform the musical number. 

Emma, for her part, gets “very” into the role of the newly sexually-awakened Janet . . .

When Emma is not ripping Will’s shirt off with her bare hands, or writhing on the desk like a Sex Kitten in Heat, she’s humping Will’s leg like a Happy Dog!  But when the song ends . . . well, that’s when the sparks really fly!

I really hope they don’t expect Rachel to do THAT!

Body Confidence, Part 2

Meanwhile Finn, still VERY concerned about his shirtless stage debut, is obsessively working out in the school gym, with Sam and Artie.  The usually confident Sam now finds himself feeling a bit insecure, having had his shirtless scene ripped away from him by, none other than his OWN teacher!  Finn wonders whether his shirtless part will be taken from him as well.

“Nah, the Brad part is all about being cool with being uncool.  It’s about having confidence in your body, regardless of what it looks like,” explains Sam.

For whatever reason, this inspires Finn to walk around school naked.

Not that we’re complaining!

Principal Figgins, of course, wants to suspend Finn from school for “making half the student body need therapy.”  However, Will convinces Figgins to let Finn off the hook.  “Your reasons for doing this play are murky at best,” notes Figgins. 

(Murky?  Nah!  Everyone knows that Getting the Teacher Laid is the true reason behind ALL high school musicals . . .)

An Abomination

Things go from bad to worse, when Carl interrupts a dress rehearsal, to call Will out for trying to steal Emma away from him. 

And things go from WORSE to . . . WORSER(?), when Finn finds the footage Sue filmed for the local news, which exposes the Glee club’s performance of The Rocky Horror Picture Show as an “abomination,” one which crosses the lines of human decency.

To Will’s horror, he realizes SUE IS RIGHT!

He has been using the Glee Club members as pawns in his Sick Sad Sex Games!  When Will confronts Sue, the pair engage in a surprisingly serious conversation about teens’ exposure to sexuality.  Will argues that his students are already exposed, so why not allow them to embrace it through art?  Sue replies that, as educators, they have a responsibility to protect students from those parts of life that are “Rated NC-17,” even if they can only do so within the four walls of the high school.

Then Will does something REALLY crazy.  He . . . agrees with Sue.

WOW!  This show IS scary!

Will decides to cancel the show.  Of course, this was precisely what the fame-seeking Sue didn’t want.  This leaves her screaming after Will that she “needs her local Emmy,” as he exits stage left . . . OOPS!

“Love can make you do crazy (and really creepy) things.”

Later, Will approaches Emma, and apologizes to her for having such a hot bod and making her rip his clothes off, even though she’s technically still dating the guy from Full House manipulating her emotions.  “You know, I only did this to get close to you.  I guess love can make you do some crazy things,” Will begins.

“I promise not to abuse our feelings for eachother anymore . . . Carl  is making you better . . . So, if I really love you, I need to back off and acknowledge that being with him, for now, is what’s best for you.”

But, is it really?  Emma didn’t look so sure, at the end of this scene . . .

Let’s Do the Time Warp AGAIN!

At the end of the episode, Will apologizes to his students, especially Sam and Finn for being a Creepy Lecher making them feel uncomfortable — and for putting on the show, for all the wrong reasons.  After all, Rocky Horror Picture Show isn’t really about running around half naked and screwing everybody (well . . . actually . . . it kind of is).  It’s about outcasts coming together and rejoicing in that which makes them different!

“In that way The Rocky Horror Picture Show is the perfect show for this club,” concluded Will.

“So, why aren’t we performing it?”  Santana inquires rationally.

“We are.  We just aren’t going to perform it for an audience,” Will replies.

Well .  . . that’s kind of lame!

The last scene of the episode features the Glee Kids, in Rocky Horro- themed — but substantially less revealing — clothes, performing the show’s iconic dance number, The Time Warp.

Fun-filled, and care-free, this was probably my favorite musical number of the whole episode (Schuester’s awesome abdominal muscles in “Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me,” notwithstanding). 

I just kind of wish it all  . . . you know . . . amounted to something more. 

While I enjoyed (despite being slighly skeeved out by) Will’s kind-of/ sort-of romantic play for Emma’s heart, I feel like it may have overshadowed the overall theme of the episode a bit.  For example, it would have been nice to have a few more scenes, during which the kids actually performed scenes from the show, even if those scenes had to be neutered to meet Fox’s newfound puritanical standards. 

(I mean, COME ON!  This was the network that brought us The O.C.,  a show where characters said and DID things that were WAY more sexually suggestive than the words “transsexual” and “heavy petting.”)

Need I say more?

On a positive note, the musical numbers this week were a lot of fun!  You can hear a taste of all of them here:

Did I mention, PUCK IS BACK NEXT WEEK?

OHHHHH YEAAHHHH!

See you then!

[www.juliekushner.com]

Shut up and SING! It’s almost time for Season 2 of Glee!

 

If last Sunday’s Gleek-tastic Emmy opener put you in the mood to watch your favorite show about singing and dancing teens, Glee, well then you’ve come to the right blog post.  Unfortunately, I don’t have quite enough clout in the entertainment world (read: “no clout at all”) to show you episodes from the show’s groundbreaking Second Season, which is set to premiere Tuesday, September 21st, at 8 p.m. on Fox.

However, I DO have plenty of mildly spoilerish intel about the new season, complete with a few pretty pictures, and some relevant YouTube videos. These should tide you over, while you eagerly await the season premiere.

So, what are we waiting for?  Let’s get GLEEK-Y!

For starters, here’s the new promo for the show, which aired just a few days ago on Fox. 

Pretty cool, right?  Now, let’s breakdown what we’ve learned about Season 2 so far . . .

The Episodes

Season 2 of Glee is slated to have 22 episodes.  The first few episodes will air on Tuesday at 8 p.m on Fox.  These early episodes will culminate in a SPECIAL extended episode, which will air following Superbowl XLV.

Following that episode, Glee will move to the much coveted Wednesday at 9 p.m. timeslot.  And, you know what that means?  More sex, drugs, and violence ALLOWED by the censors!

Yes, PLEASE!

So far, the producers of Glee have released titles for the first THREE episodes of Season 2, along with brief synopses of each.  In the first episode, entitled Audition, New Directions will be forced, due to more budget cuts, to bring on additional members — a task that will cause tension between on-again, off-again couple, Rachel and Finn.

Two auditioners likely to “make the cut,” are foreign exchange student Sunshine Corzan, played by YouTube sensation and master songstress of the Philippines, Charice (more on her later)  . . .

 Newbie Sunshine duking it out with Rachel Berry in the school bathroom, to the tune of Beyonce and Lady Gaga’s Telephone.

. . . and transfer student / football jock, Sam Evans (played by Chord Overstreet) . . .

Just like another one of our favorite Gleeks, it appears that Sam’s “talents” will be discovered in the shower.  How convenient for those of us scouring the net for shirtless shots of the actor to use in future recaps.  Just saying . . .

Sam is described by producers as being a protege and eventual rival of Finn’s.  It is also rumored that he may be an upcoming MAJOR love interest for one Kurt Hummel.

The second episode is entitled “Britney / Brittany.”  This one will obviously be the much talked about “Britney Spears-themed episode,” comprised entirely of songs by the aforementioned artist, and featuring a cameo appearance by Spears herself.

Heather Morris (as Brittany) posing with Britney Spears — I can see a resemblance.  Can’t you?

The show’s third episode, entitled “Faith,” will be religous-themed, and feature songs including R.E.M’s “Losing my Religion” . . .

 . . . and Barbara Streisand’s “Papa Can You Hear Me.”

Other episodes airing this Season will include a Rocky Horror Picture Show – themed episode .  . .

 .  . . during which the cast of New Directions will undoubtedly perform the Time Warp dance.

Another episode will feature the cast singing entirely ORIGINAL songs.  There will also be a second Madonna-themed episode.

In the Season 2 finale, the cast will head to  New York City, to compete in the national Glee club competition.  There, they will most likely perform Jay Z and Alicia Keys’ anthem to the Big Apple, “Empire State of Mind.”

“New Directions” for our original Gleeks

If the scoop about Kurt’s new love interest enticed you, there is plenty more where that came from!  Speaking of Kurt, Mike O’Malley, who warmed everybody’s hearts with his performance as Kurt’s Dad, Burt Hummel, has been upgraded to season regular status . . .

. . . as have our two favorite “mean girl” Cheerios (and possible lovers?) Heather Morris (Brittany) and Naya Rivera (Santana) . . .

Our favorite love square, starring Rachel, Finn,  Quinn and Puck, is said to be in full effect next year.  However, a NEW love TRIANGLE will ALSO invade the Glee club.   This one will star, the loveable Artie, quirky goth, Tina, and awesome dancer, Mike Chang.

Sources say that when the season opens, Tina will be dating MIKE, having dumped Artie, due to his poor social skills and frequently rude comments.

New Cast Members and Guest Stars

Earlier in this article, I mentioned the cast additions of Chord Overstreet . . .

 . . . and Charice.

What I DIDN’T mention was that Charice’s character’s singing voice will be SO impressive, that it will enable her to make a play for Rachel Berry’s crown as Queen Bee of New Directions.  Listen to her sing this rather impressive cover of Beyonce’s “Halo” (a song which just so happened to be performed on the show, by Lea Michele’s Rachel Berry last season), and compare for yourself.

Another addition to the cast will be John Stamos . . .

John will be playing that dentist boyfriend of Emma Pillsbury, Carl Howell, who was briefly mentioned last season.

Although I sincerely doubt John will be singing on the show, fans of the oh-so-cheesetastic 90’s sitcom Full House, will likely remember that he CAN, in fact, sing.  This will become evident in the VERY retro clip, below.

Also featured in Season 2 will be Cheyenne Jackson, who’s character will replace Idina Menzel’s Shelby Corcoran as the coach for New Directions’ rivals, Vocal Adrenaline.  Since I am nothing without my journalistic integrity, I’ve decided it is absolutely imperative that I provide you with a picture of Cheyenne in his underwear . . .

You’re welcome.

I will not, however, be providing you with an equally scantily clad photograph of our next new cast member.  Dot Jones will appear as McKinley High’s new football coach, and rival to BOTH Sue and Will Schuester, Shannon Beiste.

Beware of THE BEISTE!

Other Glee guest stars will include Carol Burnett . . .

. . . who will play Mommy to, none other than, Sue Sylvester . . .

Speaking of Sue, Javier Bardem will guest star as one of her exes.

Woah!  Maybe I should start wearing track suits.

Susan Boyle will also guest star as the Singing Lunch Lady.

New Music

Look for songs by Billy Joel . . .

. . . Coldplay . . .

 . . . Paul McCartney . . .

 . . . Courtney Love . . .

 . . .  and Led Zeppelin . . .

. . . to be featured on the show.

Oh, and just in case you CAN’T wait until September 21st to get your Glee fix, the Complete First Season of Glee DVD set will be available for purchase on September 14th.  

You can preorder it (at reduced cost) here.

Of course, September 14th is still over a week away.  Is that too many Glee-less days, for you?  If so, worry not.  Glee: The Beginning, a young adult novel said to function as a prequel for the series, is available in stores, RIGHT NOW!

You can order it, by clicking here.

Not much of a reader?   Low on cash?  That’s OK.  I’ve got something for you too.  To conclude this Glee-themed post, I have provided, for your viewing pleasure, a video of that fabulous Journey Medley, performed by the New Directions, during the Season 1 finale.  And, just in case, you didn’t see it when it first aired, you can find a picturesque recap of the entire episode right here.

Well, that’s all I’ve got, for now.  See you on September 21st!  Until then, happy Gleek-ing out!

[www.juliekushner.com]

Back to School – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Time Warp”

When I heard that this  Thursday’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy was going to be a “flashback episode,” one that intermingled the characters’ present day experiences with events of the past,  in order to shed some light on the characters’ current behavior, I found myself struck with an overwhelming sense of deja vu.  I couldn’t kick this feeling that I had been here before.  That I had seen this before . . .

Oh, yeah . . . now I remember . . .

In an effort to differentiate himself from former Chief Webber McBoozy (although after 45 days of sobriety, I guess it is no longer appropriate, nor fair, to call him that), and to make a name for himself as the “touchy feely” Nu-Chief, Dr. McDreamy Shepherd reinstitutes Lecture Day at Seattle Grace.

“See?  I’m the sensitive one.  Look into my puppy dog eyes,  and tell me I’m not sensitive.  Just don’t make me cry, because I’ll punch your lights out, if you do.”

As guest lecturers, Shepherd commandeers Bailey, Callie, and Chief McBoozy Webber (sorry, force of habbit).  Webber takes a bit of extra persuading on Shepherd’s part.  After all, learning that you have just been demoted from “Chief of Surgery” to just plain “surgeon” does not exactly make one feel all “happy-go-teachy.”  Nonetheless, Webber ultimately agrees to guest lecture, and what appears to be the entire staff of Seattle Grace packs a rather large auditorium to see him do so. 

(Seriously, Seattle Grace?  Your entire staff?  This is why you aren’t ranked in the top ten!  This is why your patients die all the time!  Doesn’t anyone practice medicine here any more?)

But I digress . . . Here’s what we learned from our three lecturers:

Webber’s Lesson: “When I was your age . . .”

Our first flashback took us all the way back to 1982 – a time when the medical profession was very much an all-boys club, an all white boys club;  a time when doctors were largely ignorant about and frightened of immune system-related diseases and homosexuality.  It was also a time when people dressed like this . . .

Back then Webber was a just teetotaling, ambitious young resident trying to make a name for himself at Seattle Grace, while, at the same time, boinking Meredith’s Mommy, Ellis Grey, in the on-call room.  Yes, apparently, they did that in the 80s too.  Talk about sexually transmitted diseases . . .  How often do you think they sterilize that place?

“28 more years of this and we will ALL be under quarantine . . .”

When Ellis and Webber encounter a patient with a rare bacterial infection, they begin to suspect that he may have GRID, Gay Related Immune Deficiency Disorder, or AIDS, as it is now commonly called.  This was a highly sensitive subject for any doctor to broach during that time, let alone a young resident with minimal job security.  After all, few cases of the disorder had been discovered at this point, and very little was known about the disease. 

Apparently, homosexuality was just not something you talked about back then, it being a time before

 Will and Grace and . . .  well . . .

Grey’s Anatomy!

Initially, the patient takes Webber’s inquiry into his sexual orientation very badly.  He leaves the hospital in a huff, refusing treatment.  Unfortunately, a few weeks later, he returns, now extremely ill and desperate for help.  The problem is that, now that his secret is out, most of the doctors and nurses at Seattle Grace are afraid of infection and unwilling to help him.  THIS MUST BE A JOB FOR  . . .

 . . . no, not them, just Young Webber and Young Ellis Grey.

The dynamic duo risk their careers and, as far as they know, their lives, to save this patient.  Fortunately, the surgery goes well.  (Yay!) But . . . then the patient dies anyway (Boo!)  But, not before Webber learns of his own fallibility and the importance of maintaining your humanity as a surgeon.  (Yay!)  Then, afterwards, Ellis bullies the future Chief McBoozy into taking his first alcoholic drink. (Boo!)   But, before, that, we got to see how adorable Meredith looked at age 5.  (Yay!)

Needless to say, it was a very emotional rollercoaster-esque lecture.  Yet, at its conclusion, Webber gives a rousing speech about the importance of doctors adhering to the Hippocratic Oath.  He then raises his right hand and recites the Oath himself.  Admittedly, it was some pretty powerful stuff, and really served to highlight Webber’s true love of medicine.  Clearly affected by his own speech, the Old Chief ultimately decides to accept McDreamy’s offer and return to work.  (Yay!)

Bailey’s Lesson: Shark tales, a.k.a. The Birth of the Nazi

Before Miranda Bailey became the Nazi; before she turned into a strong, smart, powerful, but often angry, woman who looks like this . . .

Bailey was an overachieving but painfully shy and polite-to-a-fault intern, who looked like this . . .

The year was 2003.  While medicine had come a long way since 1982, there were still many obstacles for women who wanted to succeed in the healthcare industry.  And for many women, their biggest obstacle was one another.  That’s right.   Mean girls, unfortunately, stuck around long past the 80s . .

This movie came out in 2004 . . .

Despite the fact that Mean Girls wasn’t due out in theaters for another year, one of them had managed to sneak into Seattle Grace.  Bailey’s resident “advisor” is  a bitch with a Capital B.  And, like any two-dimensional villian, this 30-something year old woman tortured Young Bailey with the zeal, intensity (and maturity) of a 16-year old cheerleader who just found out that her boyfriend has decided to go to prom with the class nerd.

Be careful Bailey!  This never ends well for people like you . . .

Fortunately, for Bailey, she is due for a major personality transplant and stat!  And who performs said transplant, you ask?  None other than Superman Webber of course!  “Surgery is a shark tank, and sharks have teeth.  Be a shark, not a minnow,” the then-Chief instructs Bailey. 

And I bet you know what happens next . . .

That’s right!  Our Neo Nazi Bailey solves a difficult medical mystery.  Then,  in what we now know was the first of her eloquently angry, yet rousing, monologues, Bailey hands her bitchy resident advisor her ass on a platter for ordering countless unnecessary surgeries for a patient, who merely required medication.  “You are going to be a brilliant surgeon one day,” commends Webber (and we know that he is right!)

In addition to being an awesome surgeon, Bailey is also terrific public speaker.  She owns both the stage and her audience, awarding them for class participation with chocolates.  And as a nearly perpetual student, I can tell you that candy bribes WORK and work well!

Callie’s Lesson: “Everybody f&*ks Alex.”

You know who’s not so hot in the public speaking department?  The typically loud and brash Callie.  After vomiting up her breakfast in anticipation of the big event, Callie stumbles around stage, head tucked inside her notes, mumbling almost incoherently about the club footed patient her and Alex cared for back in 2006, when she was a new resident.

With Alex’s help, however, Callie ultimately recovers nicely.  She recounts for the group the immensely gratifying experience of repairing the leg of a 28-year old student who was told he could never walk.  When all of the other doctors discounted the patient, and berated Callie for mismanaging his expectations, Callie refused to give up.  As a result, this formerly bed-ridden man can now roam freely (with the help of some crutches, of course). 

And this wouldn’t be Grey’s Anatomy if the story didn’t end with an on-call room boink fest between Alex and Callie . . .

“I am so much better at doing this than public speaking  . . .”

Apparently, Alex has screwed the entire staff at Seattle Grace, and most of its patients.  That is one dirty boy!

Not only is Alex a slut, he is also, apparently a liar.  And Callie catches him in a real whopper.  As punishment, she forces him to perform the surgery he claimed to have already done by himself in an elevator shaft, even though that surgery was actually completed by Callie’s ex-hubby, the now deceased, George.

R.I.P. Dude!  The show hasn’t been the same since you left . . . really.

So, there you have it, folks.  A love letter to medicine, with three flashbacks, two sex scenes, lots of chocolate, and a shout out to an old friend.  Not bad for a single episode.