Tag Archives: To Kill a Mockingbird

Where’s My Wren? – A Recap of Pretty Little Liars “Reality Bites Me”

If you’ve read any of my recaps before, you know that I generally like to choose a cheesy title for them, one that hopefully encapsulates the tone of the particular episode I am recapping.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t do that this week, because I was a little distracted.  The problem, I think, was that I just didn’t love this episode, as much as I loved previous ones.  It just seemed like something was missing, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was. 

Then it hit me . . .

The “thing” that was missing from this week’s installment of “Pretty Little Liars” started with a “W” and ended with a “ren.”  The entire time I was watching this episode, I kept listening for that adorable British accent, watching for that smile, and waiting for that hot drunken schmuck to drop another flower pot on Spencer’s floor . . .

. .  . but he never showed.

The episode even tried to trick me, by having a “Wren stand in” pop on the screen to flirt with Spencer.  And, truth be told, that guy looked a little drunk too (More on him later.).  But you can’t fool ME, ABC Family!  Personally, I think you are trying to hide the fact that Wren was kidnapped by the Witchy A, ruiner of all TV relationships . . .

But I digress . . .  A LOT.  Seeing as how I just wasted 200 words of my recap on a guy who wasn’t even IN this week’s installment, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE bring him BACK!  I imagine I should probably start recapping the actual episode.  So, let’s get started . . .

A Lip-sticky Situation

Hanna was a TOTAL Nancy Drew this episode, wasn’t she?   Nothing much exciting really happened to her, but she made up for it, by expertly shoving her nose in the more exciting lives of others.  Oh, and did I mention she got her gay boyfriend to take her back, after she smashed his uber expensive car to smithereens?  Gotta love the forgiving hearts of the filthy rich . . .

“Hey, no worries!  My dad has ten just like it.  We used to lend that one out to the “help.”  They can hitchhike . . .”

But before all that happened, Hanna was eating breakfast, after a slumber party with the girls, when she received yet another mysterious text message from A.  (Apparently, the girls unblocked their cell phones after last week.  So they can now conveniently receive A’s messages again.  I bet you are all SUPER relieved to hear this. I know I was.) 

But this message was different from the others, because it contained . . . an . . . ATTACHMENT!

But, seriously, the ATTACHMENT was actually pretty creepy.  It was a video taken from inside Spencer’s closet.   The video featured our Fabulous Foursome freaking out, after finding that Lipstick Threat on Spencer’s mirror last week . . .

The girls immediately rip open the closet, and something falls on top of them, causing them all to scream.  At this point, I got very excited.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t anything cool, like severed head, or bloody knife, or even a mutilated Barbie doll.  It was .  . .wait for it . . .  a tube of lipstick.

LAME! 

Oh, and it wasn’t even a pretty lipstick, like the one illustrated above.  It was an ugly ass hot pink lipstick, in a shade that was obviously created  to be exclusively worn by airheaded teenage girls in 80’s movies.

Oops . . . she didn’t like that comment, did she?

Clearly, we were supposed to believe that the hot pink tube of crap hiding in Spencer’s closet was the same lipstick that “A” used to write on Spencer’s mirror.  And yet, seeing as the writing on the mirror was BRIGHT RED, not pink, I just didn’t buy it.

Later, Hanna headed off to Sean’s parents’ dental office to receive her “punishment” for wrecking their car.  Supposedly, the purpose of Hanna’s indentured servitude was to “pay” for the car’s repairs.  However, I personally think, Sean’s parents had a more sinister reason for doing this.  My theory is that Sean’s parents were hoping that Sean would take one look at Hanna in that hideous “Kitty Smock” uniform, and decide not to date the illustrious shoplifter / car thief, after all.

Please officer, I’d much prefer the orange jumpsuit and handcuffs, if you don’t mind.  Purple cartoon cats ALWAYS make me look fat.

Granted, when I was little, I used to go to a dentist’s office, where all the hygienists wore outfits like Hanna’s.  Back then, I thought they were the COOLEST shirts EVER!  So, it’s possible that I am simply not the target demographic for the Kitty Smock.  Who knows?

As Hanna rides the elevator on her way to work, who enters but . . . Creepy Blind Jenna!

And what does Jenna do as soon as she steps in the elevator for a three-second ride?  Well, she does what everyone else does in that situation, of course!  She puts on her lipstick!

Wait . . . are you telling me you DON’T put on lipstick while in a moving compartment, because you are afraid of THIS happening?

Yeah . . . me neither.  But apparently BLIND Jenna does it ALL THE TIME!

Did I mention that she’s BLIND?  Not that there is anything wrong with being BLIND, per se.  It’s just that .  . . well . . . why the heck is she LOOKING in the mirror to apply her LIPSTICK?

Hanna doesn’t seem bothered by this anomaly, at all, however.  She is more concerned with the putrid color of lipstick Jenna is wearing.  Lo and behold it’s the EXACT same UGLY ASS lipstick that the girls’ found in Spencer’s house that morning. 

Jenna asks Hanna (who she can’t SEE, of course), if Hanna likes the lipstick she is wearing.  Hanna, of course, lies through her teeth, fearing that if she tells the truth about how hideous Jenna’s lipstick is, the latter’s EVIL CANE of JUSTICE will break both her kneecaps. 

Speaking of which, where the HECK was Jenna’s cane this week?  Did she leave it in the same place as her good taste in lipstick?  Speaking of “color coordination,” have you ever noticed that Jenna ALWAYS wears the same black outfit in every episode?  Weird . . .

Anyway, after doing some pretty impressive snooping, Hanna later learns that Jenna was in the building seeing her therapist.  Oh yes, boys and girls, Jenna goes to THERAPY!  OMG!  Now, if that doesn’t scream KILLER / STALKER, I don’t know what does!  (Yeah, I’m being sarcastic, in case you haven’t figured it out by now.)

Later, Hanna is rewarded with even more juicy gossip, when she receives an instant message on her laptop from the mysterious “A,” one that contains  . . . wait for it . . . another ATTACHMENT.  This one actually made me giggle.  Wanna see?

If you recall, SOMEONE made A BUTTLOAD of copies of those cheap photobooth makeout pictures that Emily and Maya produced a couple weeks back, seemingly for this exact purpose.  Props to Hanna for not being the b*tch I thought she would be about this discovery.  Not only did she not tell anyone else about what she learned.  But when she spoke to Emily, she was actually really supportive — telling Emily that if she met someone who made her happy, whoever that person was, than that was all that mattered.  She’s kind of growing on me, that Hanna . . .

Hanna gets rewarded for her kindness at the end of the episode, when she’s asked to the homecoming dance by the Almost Definitely Gay Sean.  She didn’t think he would ask her, because she STOLE AND WRECKED HIS CAR!  She also thought he had recently started dating this blonde chick who was driving him around everywhere.  But really, Sean and the blonde chick were just attending some cult group meetings for RLW, which stands for Real Love Waits.  Hanna’s so excited about the homecoming dance, she agrees to attend these cult meetings with him. 

“I would LOVE to go to the dance with you, Honey!  My last beard date TOTALLY cancelled out last minute.”

“Awesome!  We should totally color coordinate!  I found this lipstick in Spencer’s closet that would really complement both of our complexions . . .”

Relationships on the Rocks (Shaken, Not Stirred)

Poor Aria!  If Hanna was getting LUCKY this week, with all her windfalls of juicy gossip, Aria was getting . . . well . . . SUCKY.  For starters, after finding that letter from A about her father’s affair, Aria’s mother, understandably was on the rampage.  Fortunately, she took the news maturely, and didn’t take it out on Aria, who had been forced by her father to keep the affair a secret for an entire year.  But it still made dinner at the Montgomery house mighty awkward!

Douchey Daddy!  Now we know why Hilary Swank left your ass!

Fortunately for Aria, at least, initially, she had her relationship with Mr. Fitz to fall back on.  So, when Fitzy told her that he would be doing a lame short story reading gig that night, Aria jumped at the chance to go watch her beau in action.  Randomly, the place where Fitzy did his reading looked suspiciously like a sports bar.  Quite possibly, it was the SAME sports bar, where Aria and Fitzy did the deed in the potty during the pilot episode.

I KNEW I recognized that toilet!

If that last line about “balloons” was any indication, Fitzy’s writing was BAAAAD!  But Aria wanted back in the Fitzy Pantalones so badly that she didn’t seem to notice.  Someone else DID notice, however — namely, Fitzy’s BFF from college.  I think his name was Artie or Marty or something.  No matter, he was basically just there to toss out some good one-liners and screw things up between Aria and Fitzy . . .

“Happy lovers, have no fear!  Sergeant C*ck Block is HERE!”

While Aria is sitting with the bromantic buddies, Artie / Marty / What’s His Face plays nice, regaling Aria on Fitzy’s “adorable” little quirks, such as laughing in his sleep.  (Now that’s just plain creepy.)  But when Aria leaves, Artie /Marty / What’s His Face really lets Fitzy have it for his underage fling. In fact, he falls just short of calling Poor Fitzy a child molester.  The conversation irks Fitzy considerably.  So much so, that he gives Aria the cold shoulder when she comes back to his place.  Aria mends fences quickly, however, by making out with him, and seductively offering “more later.”  Well played, Aria!

“I’m sure Artie / Marty / What’s His Face is great and all, but can he do THIS for you?”

Unfortunately for Aria, Artie / Marty / What’s His Face isn’t the only person trying to break up her relationship with Fitzy.  When Aria returns to Fitzy’s apartment the next day, to retrieve her cell phone, he is LIVID with her over a text message she received from A about the pair’s relationship.  Fitzy dumps Aria on the spot. 

Expect LOTS of REALLY BAD poetry to come out of the loss of this relationship . . .

Love at First Mixtape

Creepy Toby was only SLIGHTLY less creepy this week.  But the minor personality change was enough to make Oh-Golly-Gee-Please-Don’t-Let-Me-Be–a-Lesbian Emily take notice.  As usual, Toby used his alone time with Emily as an opportunity to lecture her on “being herself” and “not caring what other’s think.”  I swear this dude is like a walking After School Special . . . assuming the After School Special  features the main character killing a girl in the shower, while dressed as his own mother.

From his conversations with Emily, we learn that Creepy Toby is an artist, and that he and Emily share the same taste in music.  He offers to make her a mixtape.  She offers to meet him for coffee.

The problem is that when Emily arrives at the ONE COFFEE SHOP IN TOWN, Hanna and Spencer are already there.  So, Wimpy Emily, not wanting her friends to know she is dating the dude that very possibly could be A / Alison’s Killer, completely ignores Creepy Toby, and goes to sit with the girls instead. 

Creepy Toby angrily stalks off, leaving the waitress at the coffee shop Emily’s mixtape, with instructions that she deliver it to Emily.  The mixtape has a picture of Emily on the front cover — the gesture is either really sweet, or really disturbing, I haven’t decided which yet.

The next day, Emily seeks out Creepy Toby, in hopes of setting things right between them.

Is it merely a coincidence that when Emily finds him, Toby is reading The Catcher in the Rye, a book so commonly associated with serial killers that many libraries put a watch out on anyone who takes it out of the library?  (No joke!)  Why isn’t he reading To Kill a Mockingbird, like everyone else in that school?

Anyway, although clearly pissed with Emily, Creepy Toby quickly forgives her wimpiness he’ll chop her body into little tiny pieces and eat them, later.  By way of apology, she gives him a mixtape.  And even though it doesn’t have Toby’s picture drawn on it, Emily throws her OWN hat into the “Creepy Ring,” by cutting letters out of magazines to spell out “Toby’s Mix” on the CD cover — you know, like they do for ransom notes in the movies?  It’s a Match Made in Disturbia between these two  . . .

Spencer Whacks Some Balls .  . . Her Father’s

Were you at all surprised that Spencer ended up winning the Golden Orchid award for her that paper on the Russian Revolution that she stole from her sister?  I wasn’t.  And neither was Spencer.  She did feel guilty though, especially when her father, who has spent the entire first part of the season completely ignoring her, was suddenly showering her with positive attention.  He even offered to take her to the country club to meet an important prospective client.  Spencer and her dad were to play doubles with this  prospective client and his daughter.

Spencer is so psyched about the opportunity to bond with her dad, that she races off to the tennis club to practice.  There she meets not Wren Alex. The two flirt a bit, as Alex compliments Spencer on the take-charge manner in which she handles balls.  But when the time comes for the match, Spencer’s dad insists that Spencer THROW the game, so that he can soften up the prospective client.  Spencer reluctantly throws the match, and feels terrible about it. 

To make matters worse, her new boy toy not Wren Alex sees the whole thing.  He confronts Spencer about it, commiserating over the abundant pressure to “play games” in order to succeed in high society.  Gutsy Ball Whacker Spencer decides to take the bull by the horns, and ask Alex out.  He can barely contain his surprise and excitement, when he says yes.  You GO GIRL THAT’S NOT WREN!

“Hey Alex, you remind me of someone.  I can’t put my finger on who.  How are you at doing British accents?”

Later that evening, Spencer’s father admits that, not only did he throw the match to woo this client, he also blamed his inability to get a table at the club on a “ball attendant”  . . . namely, Alex.  Spencer is LIVID!  She tells her Dad off for his cheating ways, brilliantly ending the rant with a confession about stealing her sister’s paper.  She sure showed him! 

At the end of the episode, Spencer is seen heading out on a date with not Wren Alex.  Apparently, Spencer isn’t only capable of whacking balls, she can juggle them as well.

That’s all I’ve got folks!  Tune in next week when, hopefully, WREN IS BACK!

We miss you, Drunky!

 

 

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“A” is for Attention Whore (and A-hole) – A Recap of Pretty Little Liars’ “Can You Hear Me Now?”

Damn that “A”!  She’s like a pesky little toddler — you know, the one who is always standing on her head, doing cartwheels, and annoyingly tugging on your shirt, while continually screaming, “Look at ME!  Look at ME!”  . . . during a funeral service  . . . for her Grandma.  As the weeks progress, “A” just seems to get more  and more insistent on keeping the girls’ attention, with her mean-spirited messages and evil tricks. 

This week, the girls actually did what I thought they should have done in the first episode (well . . . after calling the cops, of course).  Namely, they made a concerted and unified effort to cut off all communication with the mysterious “A.”  Well, it turns out, when it comes to Stalker Teens, I’m not nearly the expert I thought I was.  Because this actually ended up being a HUGE MISTAKE!  

Let’s revisit, shall we?

Spencer Ruins Saves the Day!  (And the girls sexually harrass Mr. Fitz.)

The first moments of the episode, feature our favorite cyber-stalking victims, gathered on a park bench. (Well. . .  the first few moments, aside from Hanna’s SUPER lame, blink-and-you’ll miss it, run-in with the cops, which I refuse to recognize as an actual scene, due to its sheer pointless ridiculousness.  “So, you STOLE and totalled someone’s car, Hanna the Infamous Shoplifter?  No big deal!  At least you’re not fat anymore . . .),.

The purpose of this bonding session?  To create a memorial for Alison, the same “Dead” Chick who currently seems to be making all their lives a living hell.  And, based on the flashbacks shown, Alison more or less made their lives a living hell, while she was alive too.  

“Kiss my psycho stalking ASS, BITCHES!  If you don’t, I’ll never make you cheap ugly friendship bracelets AGAIN!”

(SERIOUSLY!  Even BEFORE she died, Alison seemed like a majorly annoying, judgmental b*tch!  Why did these girls bother hanging out with her, in the first place?  I can understand Emily, because she obviously had a BIG lesbian crush on the girl.  And Hanna needed Alison to make her popular, despite her weight.  But Aria and Spencer?  I just don’t get it . . .)

So, anyway, the girls fight a bit about which one of them should get stuck holding on to Dead Alison’s fug bracelet.  Fortunately, Spencer, who clearly enjoys stealing other people’s things (like, for example, their term papers and their boyfriends), gallantly offers to take the ugly piece of fabric back to her place for some “good loving.”

For SALE!  The one and only friendship bracelet that spent time in an ACTUAL coffin and LIVED TO TELL THE TALE!  If you sniff closely, you can even SMELL the rotted flesh!  It can be yours for the price of $29.99 (plus shipping, handling, and a small portion of the corpse’s estate tax.)

Then, Spencer, who apparently takes her laptop EVERYWHERE (including the bathroom), randomlywhips it out (no pun intended), and uses it to prevent herself from receiving texts, calls or e-mails from any and all unknown numbers.  (Who knew small town parks had such excellent WiFi?)  The other girls borrow the computer from Spencer and quickly follow suit.

While they are doing that, Mr. Fitz rides by on his bicycle.  Fitzy is looking Super Femme, with his ghostly pale stick legs and tight ass bicycle shorts.

“LIVE STRONG, underage minors that I will eventually screw!  LIVE STRONG!”

Although I was fairly unimpressed with the whole “Fitz and Bicycle” package, the girls apparently liked it just fine.  Spencer and Hanna, in particular, took joy in hooting and hollering at Fitzy, with all the class and tact of an overweight construction worker, or a middle-aged Wall Street type, trying desperately to “score some hos” at an overpriced, slightly seedy, Titty Bar.  Noticeably silent during this love fest, were Closet Lesbian, Emily, and Aria, who totally could have totally shouted out “I’ve tapped that” . . . but didn’t (unfortunately, because that would have been funny).

Just when the girls are beginning to celebrate their newfound freedom to sexually harrass their professors without killjoy “A” looking over their shoulders, an “Alison is Lost” flyer conveniently falls in their laps.  “Ding Dong the B*tch is Dead!” is scrawled across the front in marker.

My sentiments exactly . . .

Re-Learning To Kill a Mockingbird, as taught by a Very Pissy Professor

“That Scout character seemed kind of cute.  Think she would date me?”

At school, Aria once again visits Ezra Fitz in between classes, to tell him how much fun her friends had objectifying his man parts at the park the other day.  Fitzy’s eyes noticeably lightup, as he mulls over the possibility of a Pretty Little Fivesome, with himself as centerpiece.  But, for now, he will have to settle for being a One-Cradle kind of Robber.  He tells Aria that they need to “talk,” and invites her over to his studio apartment for some noodles and sex.  Aria, desperate to learn what’s underneath those bicycle shorts, promptly agrees.

Fitzy and Aria start talking about how Aria thinks her dad is probably boinking the teaching assistant again.  When Fitzy gently suggests that she let her parents work out their problems in their own way, Aria gets WAY TOO UPSET!  Suddenly, she’s going at Fitzy like a pit bull in heat, only not in a hot way.  In fact, Aria actually kind of reminded me of Joe Pesci in that famous scene from Goodfellas.  Except, instead of repeatedly asking Fitzy whether he thought she was efffing “funny,” she continually demanded to know whether he thought she was effing “immature.”

“So what?  You think I’m a BABY!  A f*&king BABY?  Like I’m immature?  Do I look like a wear a f*&king poopy diaper to YOU?”

Aria then storms out of the house, leaving Fitzy to clean up the trail of poopy and spitup his baby left behind . . .

The next day in Mr. Fitz’s class, the group get into a discussion about Harper Lee’s classic novel, To Kill a Mockingbird.

And the whole scene made me feel as old as dirt.  I read the novel my freshman year of high school (which wasn’t THAT long ago, mind you).  However, upon viewing this scene, I quickly realized that, while I recalled a few general things about the characters in the story, I remembered next to nothing about its plot.  It truly shames me to say that, before I wrote this recap, I headed off to Wikipedia, and read the To Kill a Mockingbird entry, in hopes of truly understanding what went down here. 

First off, you just knew Fitzy was in a BAD MOOD, when he started calling Atticus Finch a hypocrite.  Now, like I said, I don’t remember that much about the book, but I KNOW that NOBODY messes with ATTICUS!  That’s like the literary equivalent of kicking the Pope in the nuts.

“You are going DOWN, Fitzy, you muthaf*&ka!”

Fitzy’s point, I think, was that, while Atticus looked down his nose at his hometown, for its failure to provide justice for Tom Robinson, he was more than willing to help Boo Radley escape the arm of justice, after the latter had killed Bob Ewell.  Aria then makes some lame argument about there being an equal “exchange,” and Atticus’s son Jem having been “raised right.” 

Fitzy interrogates Aria, like a scorned lover, in front of the ENTIRE class.  Then, when another student tries to offer his opinion, Fitzy jumps down his throat for no reason whatsoever.  Later that night, Aria, scolds Fitzy for his bad behavior.  They kiss and make up . . .

 The Femme Ranger rides AGAIN!

But then, Aria comes home to find that “A” has spilled the beans to her mom about her father’s affair through a letter.   The letter seems to suggest that Aria knew about the affair all along (which she did).  Aria’s mom looks PISSED!

Creepy Toby strikes again!

“Emily, after Chem Lab, I would very much like to eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.  Sound good?”

Like I said, I don’t remember much about To Kill A Mockingbird.  But I DO remember the characters.  Particularly, I remember reading about Boo Radley.  I  remember how,  for most of the book, I was absolutely certain the dude was a child molester.  And then, at the end of the novel, Boo ended up being kind of a nice guy. . . just misunderstood (Sorry for spoiling it for you, if you haven’t read it yet.)  It’s highly possible that the writers wanted us to feel that way about Toby Cavanaugh by the end of this episode — namely, that he is a nice guy who is simply misunderstood. 

That might end up being true.   But you know what?   He still creeps the crap out of me!  I wouldn’t be at all surprised if, next week, we learn that Toby chopped off the heads of the kids who put shaving cream in his locker this week, and used their teeth to make a neckace . . .

 At the beginning of the episode, Emily is flirting with her almost-girlfriend, Maya, when the latter gives the former a bright red leash scarf.

Emily seems flattered by Maya’s gift.  However, she is so embarrassed by the prospect of people knowing the two of them are “an item,” that she takes it off, anytime anyone seems to be watching her.  So, of course, Emily’s new lab partner, Creepy Toby, has to make some awkward comment about how “nice” it looks on her, even though he only actually saw her wearing it for a split second.  Emily freaks out a bit when she opens her chemistry book, and finds in it those missing pictures from last week of Emily and Maya making out in the photobooth.

When Emily confronts Maya about this, she denies having anything to do with putting the photos in Emily’s book.  However, she doesn’t appear to be particularly concerned about their being made public.  Later in the episode, Emily more or less “dumps” Maya, claiming she needs “her space.”

Toward the end of the episode, Emily confronts Toby about the photos, when she finds him lurking around late at night near her garbage can. (Oh, I’m serious!)  Toby also claims not to have put the photos in her chemistry book, and basically denies ever having even seen them.  He then makes this long drawn out speech about “being yourself” and “not caring what others think of you,” that, again, was supposed to be nice, and, again, I found INSANELY creepy . . .  Hide your pet bunnies, Emily!

Open Wide, Hanna  . . .

Be careful, Hanna!  I read that excessive tears can cause weight gain!

So after enduring that pesky little grand theft auto issue (notice how it took WEEKS of Hanna’s mom screwing Deputy Douchey to expunge Hanna’s record of her minor shoplifting offense, but the car theft is just a blip on the radar), Hanna needs some time to unwind.  She is excited to receive a call from her long absent pompous ass of a father.  Convinced that her dad wants her back in her life, Hanna practically sprints to her father’s car.  However, she becomes suspicious when her father makes some snide remark about her “poor driving skills.”  (Haha, this guy’s a LAUGH riot!  He should really get his own comedy show . . . Yeah, I’m being sarcastic.  Papa Marin sucks!) 

“Did you come here because of the car?”  Hanna inquires, eyes blinking back tears.

“No, that would require me to actually give two sh*ts about you, which I don’t.”   Hanna’s father doesn’t admit or deny her daughter’s accusation.  Instead, he takes her to dinner in order to reveal to her the real reason for his visit.

Apparently, while Hanna was busy stealing clothing, crashing cars, making out with her possibly gay boyfriend, and dieting, Papa Marin was getting his screw on with his Stepford Wife-esque new fiance, and fathering her instantly unlikeable daughter, Kate.  Understandably, Hanna doesn’t take the news too well.  She copes with the situation by more or less threatening to murder Kate at sea, while the latter theoretically teacher her how to sail. 

 (Honestly, can you blame her?  Just looking at this self-righteous chick makes me want to revise my current views on gun control!)

When called out for her mean spiritedness, Hanna replies by passive aggressively saying, “What?  It’s a joke.  And this is a fork!”  (Apparently, Hanna hopes to one day add “homicide” to her growing list of criminal offenses.)  When Hanna’s father informs her that she will be paying off the cost of Sean’s car repairs by working at his father’s dentist office, she takes the opportunity to make another jibe at Kate and her rather large, fake teeth . . .

And yet, by the end of the night, it’s “A,” who gets the last laugh.  While Hanna is driving home from dinner (Wait!  They are still letting her DRIVE?), she learns that someone has made a dedication to her on the radio!

But it’s from A . . .

The song is called “I Don’t Need You Anymore,” and it more or less adequately describes the way Hanna’s father is treating her.  Ouch A!  Under the circumstances, threatening to kill Hanna at sea, or making fun of her horse teeth would have been WAY more humane!

And the Reward for Most Adorable Drunk Ever Goes To . . .

So, depending on how you look at it, Spencer is either having the best or the worst day ever.  On one hand, Spencer has been nominated for the prestigious Golden Orchid writing award.

. . . but it’s for a paper she STOLE from her sister.

She’s home alone, because the rest of her family went away to Europe and left her there to rot.

And SOMEONE BREAKS INTO HER HOUSE!

But it ends up just being Drunk Wren who LUUUUUUUUVES her and wants to hug, kiss, and squeeze her, forever and ever.

Except that while Spencer and Wren are getting their flirt on, some creepo is videotaping them from outside Spencer’s house!  Oh, and did I mention Wren dropped a  FLOWER POT on Spencer’s floor?

When Spencer leaves Drunk Wren off at the hotel, the two of them make out with one another hardcore!

And when she comes back, someone has cleaned up her flower pot mess for her . . .

But the flower pedals are arranged in the shape of the letter “A,” and a video camera is inside.  SOMEONE is (or was) in the house!

And then SOMEONE wrote “It won’t be that easy, b&tches,” on Spencer’s mirror, in the color of lipstick that Alison always wore!

And that’s all I’ve got folks.  What did you think of this week’s installment of Pretty Little Liars?  Think you are any closer to learning “A'”s identity, or that of Alison’s killer?  Were you as turned on by Drunk Wren as I was?  Are you a fan of Fitzy’s legs?  All important questions . . .

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