Tag Archives: Tomb Vampire

Family Day at Vampire Rehab – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Ordinary People”

“Don’t cry, my Darling NiKlaus!  In another few thousand years, your hair will be much less Rats Nest-y.” 

Hey there, Fangbangers!  So, I’m going let you guys in on a little secret.  (Shhhh . . . don’t tell anybody.)

OK.  Here goes .  . . historically speaking, I’ve never really been a big fan of “Flashback Episodes of TVD” . . .

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I like pretty costumes, elaborate hairdos, and inflated production values as much as the next girl . . .

KLAUS: “The 1490’s look good on you, Dear Katherine.” 

KATHERINE: “I wish I could say the same to you, Klaus . . .”

ELIJAH: “You do realize he could eat you for saying that, don’t you?”

I just tend to prefer my TVD gang to hang out in the 21st century .  . . WHERE THEY BELONG.

That all changed this week, with “Ordinary People”  . . .  an episode, which I feel was, by far, one of the best flashback episodes in TVD history.  (Tied only with the absolutely epic “Blood Brothers,” of Season 1.)

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I mean, sure, it had all the trappings of your classic TVD flashback episode . . .  the costumes, the hair, the extensive use of voiceover, a slew of main characters, who were suspiciously absent throughout the hour (I’m looking at you, Caroline, Tyler, Jeremy, Katherine, and Matt.).

“Sorry, I missed the episode.  I was sleeping off my hangover . . . and a long, hot, night of awesome Forwood sex.” 

But it also offers – among other things – answers to MANY long-standing questions about the Original Family, the Original Witch, and the Original Vampire Hunter Mikael . . .

 . . . some massive levels of Salvatore Brother Bonding . . .

 . . . well sort of . . .

 . . . Damon Sexy Dancing at a bar that is most definitely NOT the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls . .  .

 . . . and, perhaps, my personal favorite, not one, but TWO, adorably erotic Delena scenes, one of which takes place, of all places, IN A BED . . .

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Sounds pretty awesome, right?

So, what are we waiting for?  Let’s explore some “Ordinary People!”

(Once again, special thanks to Andre for the lovely screencaps you see here . . .)

The Lockwood Original Diaries – Pictionary Style


Get it?  It’s Dances with Wolves!  Let’s add Awesome Artist to the list of Fabulously F*&kable Damon Salvatore traits . .  .

This episode begins, rather fittingly, right where the last one left off: in the Lockwood dungeon . . . a set piece that arguably has become almost as popular as the Only Bar  / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls.  Alaric has brought Elena along to show her All the Pretty Pictures that Mason Lockwood helped them discover on the wall of the cave.  Damon comes along for the ride as well, to startle the always-jumpy Elena, and make cute snarky comments throughout the investigation.

You’re too hot to be scary.  Sorry, Damon!

After all, he hasn’t technically been “invited in” to this establishment, now has he?

Stupid vampire rules! 

The first thing the Scooby Crew ascertains from the cave drawings is that werewolves have been around Mystic Falls long before Stefan and Damon unwittingly encountered them, back in 1864.

I like Damon’s drawing better.  Cave Person FAIL! 

Now, whether these werewolves are ancestors to the current clan of Lockwood’s hasn’t yet been established.   But, for what it’s worth, I THINK they were Lockwoods (I’ve, personally, always thought Klaus’ biological dad was a Lockwood), and Damon seems to agree with me . . .

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“Lockwood Diaries – Pictionary Edition . . .”

Actually, as the threesome eventually find out, the history detailed on the wall of the cave is not the history of werewolves at all.  Rather, it is .  . . wait for it . . . the Original Vampire Family’s history.  We know this because, as we see in our first of many flashbacks from this episode, Rebekah has helpfully carved her family members names (some of them, at least) into the wall of the cave, to preserve for posterity . . .

So, this . . .

 . . . is basically the Viking version of THIS . . .

The names are written in a type of Viking Script.  Believe it or not, this seemingly random fact immediately answers two important questions that many of us have long-wondered about the Original Family: (1) How old are they?  The answer to THAT question is roughly the same age as the Vikings, who, as Rebekah would tell us later, colonized America in secret, long before history books would suggest.  This, as many of you savvy viewers caught, explains the odd little Viking reference she made in Alaric’s history class, back during “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”

“What’s the Viking word for ‘foreshadowing’?” 

 It also explains, (2) why a big bad vampire like Klaus would seem so oddly fixated on a small, seemingly inconsequential town like Mystic Falls.  Namely, HE GREW UP THERE!

Homesick . . . broody . . . and in need of a hug.  (Tyler!  Get over here and hug me, B*tch!)

Oh, and here’s the first kicker (which most of us had ALSO already figured out) Original Vampire / Kat Eater Mikael is .  . . wait for it . . . THE ORIGINAL FAMILY DAD!

I wanna be like Mike . . . actually, no I really don’t. 

But wait a minute . . . you might be saying .  . . why would a FATHER be trying to hunt down and murder his own kids?

(It wouldn’t be the first time!) 

Well, I’m getting to that .  . .

Happy music plays in the background,  as Alaric excitedly takes pictures of all the cave etching, so that he can study them for hours on end.  Seriously, this is a history buff’s wet dream . . .  You GO, Chunky Monkey!

“Are you mocking me?” 

Alaric Saltzman Gets His Study on, while Damon and Elena  . . .

Poor Alaric!  Who knew, back when we first met him, that he was just two dead girlfriends away from becoming Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

As Alaric painstakingly analyzes the less surprising drawings from the cave wall  . . . “vampire” . . . “werewolf” . . . “sun” . . . “moon,” I find my attention continually being drawn toward the hot and sweaty activity going on directly behind his head.  It looks as though Damon and Elena have decided to continue the Vampire Slayer training that the pair happily started during “Smells Like Teen Spirit” . . .

Once again, Damon has cleverly used this “training” exercise, as an excuse to hold Elena close and fondle her.  (YAY!)

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Mommy LIKE . . . A LOT!

We see this when he, once again, grabs at her from behind, and makes a joking move to bite her neck, illustrating that, in this particular faux battle, the vampire has won.

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Since we all know how much TVD LOVES its parallels and foreshadowing, many clever viewers have already predicted that Elena will be forced to use these vampire fighting skills, FOR REAL, some time before the end of the season.

We’ve already seen her use what she learned in her first fighting lessons with Damon and Alaric to temporarily incapacitate Ripper Stefan.  And I’m thinking that there is more to the emphasis on these fighting scenes than JUST to show Delena foreplay . . .

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. . . not that there’s anything wrong with Delena foreplay, of course. 😉

Later, when Alaric hits a snag in his studies, Elena decides to hit up Barbie Klaus / New Head Cheerleader Rebekah for some inside information . . .

A Tale of Two Exes . . .

“The Boy is MINE!” 

At school, Elena shows Rebekah a picture of one of the cave etchings, and asks for answers.

“Actually, this is just a naked picture of Stefan I found on his Facebook page.  Look what you’ve been missing all these years.”

At first, Rebekah is dismissive.   But when Elena threatens to awaken Vampire Hunter Mikael, otherwise known as Daddy Dearest, she gets PISSED, and shuts down completely.  As Barbie Klaus stalks away, we are treated to a second flashback, this one features Klaus, and the ever elusive,  sexy-haired, Elijah . . .

 . . . when it comes to haircare.  (But when it comes to jousting?  Maybe . . .)

 . . . engaged in swordplay.  Then, Mikael pops in to verbally, emotionally, and physically abuse Klaus, as the rest of the family stands silently by.

Mikael (who looks oddly hot, with his long crimped hairdo) takes the phrase “Bad Dad,” to a whole new level, when he takes the sword from Elijah, and begins jabbing it at Klaus, until the latter eventually falls to the ground.  “Some days, it’s a miracle, you are still alive, Boy,” Mikael says harshly, as he holds the sword to his petrified “son’s” neck.

“Is this because I forgot to charge your iPhone, after I used it?” 

Some might say, this is nothing more than an example of Tough Love.  After all, Mikael is a Viking.  He knows how difficult battle can be.  And he’s only trying to keep his family safe, right?  And yet, the way that Mikael seems to take joy in berating and abusing Klaus, so much more than his other children, suggests that there’s a bit more to it than that . . .

Meanwhile, in the present day . . .

“I’m naked right now.” 

“I bet you are.”

Later, after school, Elena is gabbing on the phone with future boyfriend Damon, when Rebekah texts her to pop on over to La Casa de Rich and Awesome for some Girl Bonding Time . . .

Rebekah’s texting now?  Wow, she sure learned a lot about modern cell phone technology during those five minutes she played with an iPhone during “The Reckoning.” 

Elena immediately thinks that Rebekah has changed her mind about giving her the details of her past.  And she MAY very well have.  But first, she wants Elena to help her pick  out a dress for the upcoming Homecoming Dance.  Ahh, now we know that Rebekah is definitely Klaus’ sister.  These two definitely seem to have an almost compulsive need for social acceptance.

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I actually think it’s pretty adorable – in a fairly psychotic way — that Rebekah feels the need to compel what is probably her entire cheerleading squad, sans Caroline, to model prospective dresses for her, when she could just as easily have tried them on herself.

It’s America’s Next Top Model . . . Future Vampire Food Edition!

It kind of reminded me of Cher from Clueless, who brilliantly created that application for her computer that modeled her entire wardrobe FOR HER.

You know, now that I think about it, Rebekah actually vaguely resembles Alicia Silverstone in Clueless  . . . weird. 

Of course, Rebekah is no dummy.  And beneath her supposedly fun and carefree request that Elena help Rebekah pick a “model,” whose dress she will wear for the Big Event, is the subtle threat that, if Elena doesn’t behave, Rebekah could turn her into a mindless zombie, just like she did with these girls, and, then, eventually EAT HER.

Hmm . . . Rebekah seems to prefer eating girls.  Do you think they taste better?

Message sent and received, Elena helps Rebekah pick out a dress (the red one).  Then, Rebekah sends the girls away, compelling them to forget everything they just experienced.  Except, she never instructs the girl in red to remove her dress.  Perhaps, the two girls aren’t the same size?

With the mindless zombies gone, Rebekah then traipses up to Stefan’s room to start delving into Stefan’s underwear drawer, and reading his infamous diaries.  (How very Damon Salvatore of her!)

“You know, I don’t get you two as a couple,” Rebekah begins conversationally, upon seeing a framed promotional still of Stefan and Elena from Season 1.   That’s OK, Rebekah.  Lots of Delena fans don’t get it either. 😉

Haha!  I like these girl talk sessions.  I can’t wait until Rebekah and Elena start gossiping about Damon.

But, alas, it is not to be.  Of course, Buzzkill Elena . . .

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 . . .  just wants to talk Viking History, which sucks, because I really wanted to learn what kind of naughty souvenirs Stefan kept in his closets from his Ripper Days.  (Ripper Stefan seems like he’d be rather kinky, right?)

Anywhoo, with one final warning (and possibly another foreshadowing) that she will only allow Elena to learn what SHE (Rebekah) wants her to learn, Rebekah begins to launch into the story of her past, which I will share with you, in just a bit . . .

Brotherly Drunkenness

“Has anyone ever told you, your eyes are mesmerizing?”

After hanging up with his future girlfriend, Elena, Damon decides to pay a visit to the still locked up, and rather clammy-looking Ripper Stefan.

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When Damon admits to not quite buying Elena’s and Lexi’s Brilliant Ripper Detox plan, Ripper Stefan responds, in what very well be the most insightful remark we’ve ever heard from the character.  “Oh, and we should all listen to Elena, because her plans always work out so well.”

THANK YOU, STEFAN!  I’m glad SOMEBODY finally realized that Elena tends to have the WORST IDEAS EVER, when it comes to defeating the Big Bads . . .

But, hey, look on the bright side, Elena.  At least YOU never hid the moonstone in your soapdish . . .

Never . . . gets . . . old . . . 

Damon too begins to become concerned that Elena’s Magical Mystical Plan is not working, when he suggests that Rebekah might kill Elena, and Stefan seems completely unmoved by this prospect.  “Wow, you really have given up,” says Damon sadly.  “Screw this Lexi plan.  We could both use a drink,” he concludes, easily removing Stefan’s chains.

“I’ll drink to that.” 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my Drunk Damon as much as the next girl.  But, if you recall, Lexi’s Magical Detox Stare from last week, you know that what Damon is doing, is effectively undoing the equivalent of an ENTIRE YEAR of sobriety for Stefan, and all for a single night out on the town.  Bloodaholics Anonymous would, most definitely,  not approve . . .

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Have I mentioned that Damon Salvatore just so happens to be the PERFECT wingman?  While sticking to liquor himself, Damon not only lines up beautiful girls for Stefan to drink throughout the night, he also compels them to forget what happened, once Stefan’s finished.  He even gives them parting gifts of ugly red neck scarves, to wear, as payment for their services.  Not a bad deal, I’d say . . .

“Tell me something, Callie.  Do you COME here often?” 😉  

In a stroke of pure genius, Damon even challenges Stefan to a game of Quarters, during which he sticks to a bottle of bourbon, and his brother drinks the bartender!  It’s cute . . . in a twisted, sort of sadistic way . . .  In the midst of all this, Damon even finds time for a little bar-top dancing, Coyote Ugly style . . .

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(Unfortunately, the song playing in the background is not “Enjoy the Silence.”)

Fun, brotherly bonding aside, I must say, I do have one slight quibble with the notion that Damon can just force Stefan to gorge himself on blood, without the fear of anyone . . . oh . . . I don’t know . . . DYING!  By way of example, take a look at this little pictoral representation of the TVD episode, “The Birthday.”

BEFORE:

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AFTER:

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I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t that the entire point of Klaus getting Stefan high on blood, so that, “once he started, he wouldn’t be able to stop?” (How many times have we heard THAT line, this season?)  Now, granted, Stefan’s been “sober for almost a year now,” but a gorge fest like this would seemingly be enough to send any vampire over the edge.  So, why is Stefan “I’m Freaking Hungry” Salvatore suddenly so calm about all of this . . .

Does turning off one’s emotions, also turn off his hunger?  I would think not, or else Klaus probably wouldn’t have done it.  It just seems a bit inconsistent, if you ask me.

Oh well . . . I guess the ever-changing characterization of Ripper Stefan is just one of those aspects of the show, on which its writers and I will perpetually disagree . . . But hey, enough negativity, let’s bring on the Brotherly Love!

Here’s the interesting thing.  Though Damon is clearly frustrated by the fact that his brother has gone Ripper, there’s a part of him, that has wanted to go drinking and dancing, with his usually judgmental brother for decades.  And, now, he is finally getting the chance to do so!  If only Stefan was able to un-douche himself long enough to enjoy it with him!

“I love you, MAN!” 

So, Damon tries a new tactic . . . namely, insulting Stefan’s masculinity.  He rightly tells Stefan, that, chains or no chains, he can never truly be free, if he continues to be Klaus’ b*tch.

And the only way Stefan can break himself of  that is to help KILL Klaus.  Now, the point of this little bar outing becomes clear.  Damon wanted to give Stefan a taste of freedom, to show him exactly what he was missing, while under Klaus’ thrall.

Admittedly, this was a pretty darn impressive plan, especially coming from the Moonstone Soapdish Guy.  Bravo Damon!

“But Klaus, can’t be killed,” whines Stefan, clearly taking buzzkill lessons from his ex.

“Maybe I can help with that,” answers a voice from behind the two brothers.  “The Salvatore Boys, I presume?”

Oh, look!  It’s Vampire Hunter Mikael.

Ruh Roh!

But where’s KAT?  Did YOU eat ALL of her, you PIG?  Did you?   Did YOU?

Meanwhile, back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Rebekah has launched, head-first, into her family history  . . .

Meet the Originals . . .

Right off the bat, we learn, much as we suspected that the necklace Stefan gave to Elena, back in Season 1, actually belonged to the Original Witch, and that the symbol on the front of the necklace, actually MEANS “witch.”  (How clever?)

I actually think this necklace gets more screentime than Matt . . .

So, here’s the deal about the Original Family.  They apparently emigrated from Europe, after one of their children died from the plague, hearing rumors of a MYSTICAL, magical place where everyone lived longer, and was healthy.  Hoping to spare their children, and themselves, some untimely deaths, the Original Family moved to Mystic Falls, which, at the time, was overrun by werewolves.

The humans and the werewolves lived peacefully, for a time.  But then, one day, Klaus and young Henry snuck out to watch the werewolf transformations, and Henry got eaten, in the process.

R.I.P. Little Henry Original.  We barely knew YE! 

OUCH!  What a way to go!  Now, the Original Family had to accept the fact that, wherever they were, death was inescapable .  . . or WAS it . . .

You see, the Original Family had a witch friend, who knew of a curse, or spell, that could make individuals immortal.  Mikael and the Original Mother, Esther, ask this witch (I think her name is Ayana, or something), to cast this spell on all of them.  However, Ayana refuses to do this, claiming that it will . . . wait for it . . . upset the balance of nature.  (Yet another annoying catch phrase, TVD fans have had to endure for three years, now. ;))

“I have no function in this story, whatsoever . . .”

This means, that Mama ESTHER has to perform the spell.

It’s a pretty cute couple, right?  No wonder all their kids are so hot! 

Oh . . . wait . . . I didn’t tell you, yet, did I?  You see, Esther, i.e. Klaus, Elijah and Rebekah’s mother, is also THE ORIGINAL WITCH!

Since, as far as we know, it is impossible to be BOTH a witch and a vampire (Sorry Bonnie!), Esther was unable to become immortal herself.   (So, instead, she became some ghost thingy, who likes to hang out with Vampire Vicki in the after life.  Go figure!)

As the Original kiddies were never let in on this Grand Plan, to say it was traumatizing for them to be STABBED FATALLY in the stomach by their own fathers, and then forced to drink from one of their neighbors, is probably the understatement of the century.

“Anyone got some stain stick I could borrow?” 

Now, the Originals were vampires, burned by the sunlight, weakened by vervain, and harshly shunned from the werewolf homes, where they once felt so welcome.  They also learned that they could be killed by the same White Oak Tree used in the spell to give them immortality.  So, they burned it . . . (though, clearly, a few stakes covered in the ash from that tree, remain.)

 . . . can prevent Forest Fires, Original Family.  (Smokey the Bear is TOTALLY judging you, right now.)

Also, their chief personality traits were heightened.  Rebekah became more stubborn.  Elijah became more . . . honorable.  (“Yes, I know, that sounds terrible,” she said sarcastically.)  Father Mikael (who, I guess stabbed HIMSELF to make the transition) became more prideful.  And Klaus became more intolerant of rejection.

Now, that’s a face only an Original Witch could love . . . 

So, what’s YOUR most dominant trait? 😉

But something else happened to Klaus . . . something that would doom this family for all eternity.  He started showing werewolf traits, thereby illustrating to Mikael that he wasn’t HIS son, but rather, some random Lockwood werewolf dude who Esther screwed . . . a dude, who, unfortunately we have yet to meet.  Knowing that the existence of werewolf/vampire hybrids in the world would . . . you guessed it . . . UPSET THE BALANCE OF NATURE, Esther puts a curse on her own sun to make his werewolf traits dormant, and then, promptly turns her back on her own son, to appease the increasingly tempestuous Mikael.

This is where the events of the story become a little hazy.  According to Rebekah, despite Esther’s moves to protect her family from Bastard Kid Klaus, her infidelity prompts Mikael to rip out Esther’s heart, while Klaus watches.  (Wow, no wonder Klaus is so effed up . . .)

Hey!  You stole my heart! 

After this happens, the rest of the Original Family, including Papa Mikael, scatters, while Rebekah, Klaus, and Elijah remain behind to bury their mother.  Upon doing this, the three now-orphaned children all hold hands, Ring Around the Rosie-style, and promise to stick together as one, always and forever . . . at least, until the inevitable time when Klaus gets into a fight with one of his siblings, and decides to dagger them for decades.

(Note: We know that Rebekah met the dagger, at least once, back when she chose Stefan over Klaus in the 1920’s.   But judging from her statement, that Klaus was “disappointed by her,” many times, we can also assume that Rebekah had met the pointy end of the dagger prior to the events of “Klaus,” in 1492, as well.  Naughty girl!)

Finished with her story, Rebekah threatens Elena with DEATH, if she ever goes after Klaus.  Fair enough, right?  But wait . . . now it’s Elena’s turn to share some news.  Upon reviewing those cave drawings again, Elena comes upon a set of pictures signifying the death of the Original Witch.

And, according to THOSE pictures, it was KLAUS who killed his mother, as punishment for banishing his hybrid side, NOT Michael.

Elena shares this information with Rebekah, in hopes to secure her help in murdering Klaus.  “He took Stefan’s life.  We have to make it stop,” she pleads.  But, of course, Rebekah is infuriated and extremely distraught by the news, which — though she continues to deny it — on some level, she seems to know its true.

Claire Holt REALLY flexes her acting chops in a major way, in the scene where she lashes out at Elena, in a mixture of fury, and inconsolate sadness.  She pushes the Doppelganger up against the doorframe, as she continues to scream “Shut up . . . don’t talk anymore . . . nothing.”

Now, that’s some seriously close talking! 

At first, I thought Rebekah might have compelled Elena’s voice away, which I suspect she could have, given that she no longer has her vervain necklace (Bonnie recently gave it to Alaric, so that he could study it.)  But the fact that she didn’t makes the whole scene more heartbreaking in a way,  Because it shows that Rebekah is more hurt, than she is angry, having been lied to for centuries by her own flesh and blood, the only person on whom she thought she could truly count.

It’s just so . . . tragic. 

“She’s just a girl, who lost her Mom too young, and loves recklessly and blindly, even if it consumes her,” Elena says of Rebekah, later on in the episode, when she’s discussing her day with Damon (more on that spectacular scene, later).

Though, on the surface Elena and Rebekah might seem very different . . . one is human . . . the other is an Original Vampire . . . one is blonde . . . the other is brunette . . . one is brash . . . the other is more reserved . . . etc., I think the two women definitely found a common ground this week, and learned that they are much more a like than they could have ever imagined.  I’m actually sort of looking forward to seeing this relationship grow and develop in the future.  And yet, a part of me is worried for Rebekah’s life, now that she has proven herself to be such a vulnerable and relatable character.

Here’s hoping you at least live long enough to attend the Mystic Falls Prom, Beks! 

On this show, Vulnerable and Relatable tends to be a death sentence, if you aren’t one of the Big Three cast members.  I hope I’m wrong about this . . .

Meanwhile, back at the bar that is NOT the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls . . .

Getting to the “Heart” of the Matter . . .

Everyone seems to have their own tactics regarding “Curing Stefan,” and though he doesn’t know the younger Salvatore Brother particularly well, Mikael might have the best one yet.  Sensing that Stefan might be the key to ascertaining Klaus’ whereabouts, he asks him out right, where the guy is.  In response, Stefan calmly notes that he has been compelled NOT to tell him.

So, Mikael ups the stakes by reaching into Damon’s chest, and literally wrapping his hand around his heart,  threatening to pull it out, if Stefan doesn’t talk . . .

Poor Damon!  Of all the near-death experiences he has had since the beginning of this series, this one is probably the most gruesome, not to mention dangerous.  Stefan initially reacts frighteningly little to the notion that his own brother is about to get his heart ripped out of his chest, causing viewers to wonder just how effectively Klaus HAD succeeded in turning Stefan’s emotions off.  But then, at the last second, he gaves, offering to deliver Klaus to Mikael, thereby saving Damon’s life . . . again.  (PHEW!)

“See, I’m not so bad.” 

Outside the bar, a Happy to Be Alive Damon ribs Stefan for his hidden “brotherly feelings,” and thanks him for saving his life.  “Be careful, Brother.  Your humanity is showing,” remarks Stefan, echoing a very popular promotional poster for the show that was released back in Season 2.

Though Stefan claims to only have saved his brother to secure his OWN freedom, and not because he particularly cares whether the latter lives or dies,  I’m not sure I buy that.  I mean, Stefan WAS seemingly able to fight off SOME of Klaus’ compulsion, in that he directly disobeyed his Master’s order, by agreeing to help Mikael.  So, it stands to reason that, in the context of that fighting, some of Stefan’s love for his brother leaked through his now-hardened heart.

Of course, that doesn’t stop Damon from kicking the sh*t out of his own brother, right there on the street.  Because . . . I mean . . . what’s a brotherly bonding session, without a little brotherly, ass kicking, right?  Man for a supposedly all-powerful, high on blood vampire, Stefan sure does get whacked around a lot, doesn’t he?

“Time for my nap!”

And now for the moment you have all been waiting for . . . if you are an Elena fan, at least . . .

A Bedtime Story

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First, before I do anything, I just have to share this nifty-little Delena-themed chart I found online.  It’s SO PERFECT and spot-on, it’s not even funny . . .

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Now, I’m going to link you to the Bedroom Scene in it’s entirety, because, no matter what I say about it, I suspect I won’t truly be able to give it justice.  Here you go!

So, yeah . .  . as you saw, or didn’t see, Elena arrives home from DAMON’S house, to find Damon cuddling up in HER bed, with HER teddy bear . . .

Though mildly turned on, horny, sexually aroused annoyed by this uninvited intrusion, Elena doesn’t kick Damon out of her bed, as we’ve seen her do in the past.  Instead, she crawls under the covers WITH him

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Well . . . actually, he’s still ON TOP of the covers.  But it’s a start.

(Sidenote:  For those of you out there who are Dawson’s Creek / Pacey / Joey fans, how much did this entire scene remind you of the parallel bedroom scene from “Stolen Kisses.)

“You know you are truly in love with someone when you can spend the entire night just watching them sleep.”   OK.  I just had to put that out there.  Dorky fangirl moment, over . . .)

This is truly a testament to how comfortable Elena feels with Damon . . . that she can unself-consciously get into bed with him, and talk about the events of the day, without experiencing any sort of apprehension or fear that he will take advantage of the situation.

Another sign that the Delena relationship is hop, skipping and jumping, toward romantic bliss is the fact that the usually uber judgmental Elena, doesn’t yell at or lecture Damon for releasing Stefan (She knew he had done it, because he had called her, while it was happening.), as he (and we) fully expect her to do.

When you think about it, this is really the first time we’ve seen Elena GENUINELY trust Damon’s judgment.  After three seasons, she’s finally figured out that Damon’s century and a half of experience with his brother, outranks Elena’s year and a half.  It’s a big step for Elena, who’s always been somewhat of a control freak, particularly where the people she loves are concerned.

And since we are on the subject of big steps,  I simply adore the way Elena turns out the light, while Damon is still in the room . . . an inherent invitation for him to spend the night, which is re-emphasized with her final words to him of, “Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

Yeah . .  . right . . . “talk.” 

Then Elena turns her body toward Damon, and moves her head inches away from his on the pillow (KISS DAMMIT!  KISS! KISS!  COME ON!  SO CLOSE! You are killing me, here!), to say to him, the sweetest thing she has ever said to him, since, “I like you just the way you are,” back in “As I Lay Dying.”

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And here it is: “I think you’re going to be the one to save him from himself.  It won’t be because he loves me.  It will be because he loves you.”  (All together now . . . AWWWWW!)

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Aside from the fact that I think Elena is absolutely RIGHT about this (After all, at it’s core, The Vampire Diaries is a show about the unbreakable bonds of family and brotherhood, just as much as it’s a story about a girl and her love for two vampires.), it was something Damon really needed to hear.  Having always felt like he was doomed to be the brother in need of rescue, Damon has to feel truly heartened by the notion that the woman he loves believe that HE and only HE can save his brother’s humanity.

Oh, and then Damon watches Elena sleep again, which is just . . . you know  . . . AMAZING . . .

And that was “Ordinary People,” in a nutshell.  So, what did you think of the episode?  Were you satisfied by the answers you received about the Original Family?  Were you frustrated by the fact that the only other Original “child” you met, was the kid that got eaten by werewolves?  Do you think Elena is right about Damon being the key link to Stefan’s missing humanity?  And finally, how excited were you to FINALLY get an end-of-the episode Delena scene that WASN’T cockblocked by Alaric, Stefan, Katherine, etc. . .

Oh, and did I mention that next week is the mid-season finale, which means that after “Homecoming,” airs, there will be NO TVD EPISODES until January 12th?

Hiatuses are awful, aren’t they?  Here’s hoping that next week’s episode is action-packed enough to tide us over, during those interminable TVD-less weeks.  You can check out the extended American promo for “Homecoming” here:

And . . . here’s the Canadian one. (Though, admittedly, the sound quality isn’t the best.  So, turn up your speakers.)

Well, that’s all I’ve got, folks.  At least, for now .  . . But be sure to tune in next week, or someone from this show might eat you, and not in the “good way,” either.  Adios, Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com] [Fangirls Forever]

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Filed under The Vampire Diaries

Unfinished Business – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Ghost World”

“Hi, is this 911?  I have an emergency.  I may have just impregnated a ghost through eye-f*&king.” 

Fangbangers, do you find yourself living hopelessly in the past . . . 2010, to be exact?

Are you still wearing your “Jeremy & Anna Forever” t-shirt to bed every night?

Do you still feel 50% cheated by that scene in “Brave New World,” where Tyler took off his shirt, like a Good Boy . . .

. . . but Mason had to wear that ugly tank top thingy?

“I prefer to call it a Bro, or a Manzierre!” 

Do you still send Damon Salvatore hate mail for whacking Lexi in “162 Candles?”

And, perhaps most importantly, are you the ONLY PERSON ON THE PLANET who actually misses the TOMB VAMPIRES?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then “Ghost World” was the episode for you . . .

(Once again, all the awards go to Screencapper Extraordinaire Andre, for all the glorious, non-gif, images you see here.)

Reunited and it feels so . . . burny.

When we last left our good friend, Damon Salvatore, a Ghost Mason Lockwood was gleefully, and invisibly, tossing him around the room, for sh*ts and giggles.

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 This week, the fun continues, as Mason ties poor Damon to a chair with silver chains, takes off his Magic Sunscreen Ring, and lets the sun shine in to La Casa de Rich and Awesome.

“I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened to me . . .” 

“You guys really need to get more creative with your torture techniques, ‘tied to a chair’ is fast becoming as cliched as The Wall Slam.”

Damon’s torture scene is a macabre homage, both to Damon’s torture and subsequent murder of Mason last season, which just so happened to occur, while the latter was strapped to the EXACT SAME CHAIR, and Caroline’s dad’s “Aversion Training” session on his daughter.

“The sun will come out, tomorrow.  Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sunnnnnnn.” 

Of course, this time, things are just a little bit funnier, because Damon still has ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA who’s doing this to him.  Enter Ripper Stefan to take advantage of the situation, by poking, prodding and tickling his captured brother.  I mean, that’s just cold . . .

STEFAN: “This is HILARIOUS!”

DAMON: “Laugh all you want, Brother Dearest, but in about 10 minutes, someone is going to do this to YOU!” 

Though we never see it happen, we can assume that either (1) Mason got bored of playing with his new vampire toy; or (2) Stefan finally got up off his lazy bloodsucking ass to help.  Because, mere moments later, Damon is sunburn free, and cruising around Mystic Falls in his hot sports car, looking for answers . . .

“Greetings Blondie . . . Witchy”

Meanwhile, outside La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Mystic Falls is engaging in, SURPRISE, yet another town celebration.  This one is called the Night of Illumination.  I swear, the reasons for these town parties, get more ridiculous every week.  At this rate, next week, we’ll probably learn that someone from the Fell family invented toilet paper, and have a Potty Party, in his honor . . .

Speaking of the Fells’, they do seem to be the one Founding Family that gets the shortest shrift on this show, don’t they?  If Mystic Falls was Hogwarts, the Fells’ would probably be Ravenclaw.  (Oh, and just in case you were curious, the Gilberts are Gryffindor.  The Forbes are Hufflepuff.  And the Lockwoods, of course, are Slytherin.)  I only mention this, because “Ghost World,” marked our first, and last introduction to Tobias Fell, Head of the History Department, and soon-to-be winner of the Senseless Death of the Week Award . . .

R.I.P. Tobster!

Anywhoo, Tobias is waxing poetic about lamps in Mystic Falls, or some other useless crap,  while Ghost Anna is adorably mocking him.

“This guy is going to be so much more interesting, when he’s a corpse.” 

Meanwhile, Jeremy is trying his best not to look like a total freak show, while, at the same time, chatting up and holding hands with his new “Imaginary Friend.”

Alaric is standing nearby, and clearly notices something is up.

“Well, Jeremy may be nuts.  But on a lighter note, I definitely prefer his imaginary girlfriend to his real one.  This one is way less cheesy.”

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However, having been on this show for three years now, he’s long ago learned not to call attention to other people’s bizarre behaviors.  To do so, inevitably causes you to end up with a stake through your heart, burnt to a crisp, or, in the case of Tobias Fell, strung up in a tree, like a Big Ole Bloody Christmas Ornament . . .

We wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Yearrrrrrr  . . . 

Speaking of freak shows, Bonnie and Caroline are having a VERY serious conversation about how Bonnie’s boyfriend might be cheating on him with the female version of Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Caroline, who has clearly watched way too may episodes of Dr. Phil and Oprah, is really pulling for Bonnie to express her anger over Jeremy’s ghostiality.  (It’s kind of like bestiality only with .  . . well, you get the idea.)

And Bonnie is angry.  But she’s also a bit humiliated.  I mean, rejection is hard to take, no matter what.  But when your competition is INVISIBLE, and lacks a PHYSICAL BODY, that’s pretty darn harsh.

Here comes Damon in his swanky convertible.  He’s driving with the top down, of course, because he CAN.   (Oh, the joy of Sunscreen Rings, and vengeful ghosts who get bored of torturing you, before the first commercial break.)

*wipes drool from computer monitor* 

Damon wants Bonnie and Caroline (but mostly Bonnie, because this is SOOOO her fault) to know that he is none too pleased about how SOMEONE’S recent spellcasting, has enabled Mason Lockwood to “break on through to the other side” (That’s a song, right?) and spit roast Damon in his own home.  “When I kill someone, they are supposed to stay dead,” explains the undead vampire, matter-of-factly.

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(Careful, Damon!  I don’t think Alaric would like that remark very much . . .)

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Speaking of people responsible for this mess, Mr. I Did Some Spell to Bring My Sister Back into this World, so She Could Try to Murder My Ex Girlfriend, Matt is listening in on this exchange, and looking more than a bit guilty.

“Uh oh, it’s Bonnie and Caroline.  Maybe if I pretend I’m a ghost, they won’t see me.” 

But when Caroline and Bonnie interrogate him as to his knowledge of the Return of All Dead Characters to This Show, Matty Boy is pretty clueless.  Of course, this is not all that surprising, considering we are talking about a guy who took nearly three years to figure out that most of his friends were no longer human . . .

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Then Bonnie’s bookbag, and her spellbook falls out, which makes me think, she should probably find a safer place to store it.

“Read ME!” 

(Hmm . . . I wonder if ancient spellbooks come in e-reader versions for your Kindle, Nook or iPad.  Witches ARE pretty tech savvy, nowadays.)  The book opens to some specific spell, that Bonnie must immediately go and chant.  It’s time for more Scary Latin Muttering . . . but no nosebleeds.

I’m starting to think Bonnie’s nosebleeds have gone the way of Damon’s occasionally becoming a crow, and Elena actually writing in her diary . . .

Speaking of diaries . . .

Oooh . . . now EVERYBODY can see DEAD PEOPLE!

Elena, Jeremy and Alaric are eating OUTSIDE the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls.  (I feel like they started shooting OUTSIDE the Mystic Grill, in the hopes that some of us would be fooled into thinking the gang is actually at another restaurant.  But us TVD fans are a wily bunch, and will not be so easily duped.)  Elena is perusing Stefan’s diary, and begging Jeremy to summon Lexi from the dead, so that she can SAVE STEFAN’S SOUL.

“Yes, I do carry around all 2,500 of your diaries, with me everywhere I go.  Do you have a problem with that?” 

It’s interesting how Elena is totally cool with bringing the dead back to Earth, if they save precious Stefan, but not if they (1) make out with Jeremy, or (2) try to roast Elena in Alaric’s car.  It doesn’t work, both ways, honey!

Then Stefan arrives, to taunt Elena about reading his diary, and to make some Damon-y jokes about eating people during the Night of Illumination.  Him and Elena then have THIS exchange, which is, more or less, a variation on the same conversation they’ve had every week, ever since Stefan became Klaus’ b*tch, back at the beginning of the season . . .

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After blowing off Elena’s suggestion,  Jeremy eventually excuses himself to the public restroom, because, apparently, this is where all the cool ghosts, like to hang out.  Of course, Anna is there waiting for him.

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VERY Dramatic Music starts playing the background.  And I’m wondering if there’s a speaker in one of the toilets.  How romantic!  Jeremy monologues about how he doesn’t know how long he’ll be able to play Ghost Whisperer with Anna, but that he simply must make out with her, before the Ghostbusters come, and turn her into a steaming pile of ectoplasm.

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The pair then make out.  It’s pretty awesome, especially because I’m a Jeremy / Anna fan.  But I’m still kind of wishing their first kiss in two years took place somewhere other than a public restroom . . . because public restrooms tend to smell like pee . . .

We then cut back to a number of scenes, in fairly quick succession.  First, there’s Bonnie and Caroline, who have returned to that All Powerful Witch Burning Site, so that Bonnie can conduct the spell her spell book suggested to her.  She starts chanting.  Fortunately,  WE get to leave, before it starts getting too annoying.  “I don’t like this,” says Caroline, when the lights start getting all flickery.

Yeah, we feel ya, Caroline.  We don’t like it either . . .

Meanwhile, INSIDE the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, Damon is trying to kiss and make up with Alaric, who’s being all pouty and toddler-like.  “I don’t like you anymore,” huffs Alaric, as he sticks his tongue out at Damon, and blows him a raspberry. 🙂

ALARIC:  “Shhh . . . I’m just playing hard to get, so that he’ll want my Chunky Monkey even more.”

DAMON:  “I heard that, you know!”

ALARIC: “DOH!” 

“But remember when you did like me, and we both conspired to kill Mason Lockwood.   Well, he’s back.  And I think he’s a little pissed off,” Damon replies, offering his ex-bromantic buddy, his best version of the Eye Thing, in hopes of winning his favor.

Elsewhere, Stefan has taken a break from the Ripper / Elena comedy hour, and is off to find his car.

We’re now back in Spellville with Bonnie unfortunately.  At least, she’s finally finished chanting (THANK YOU, WRITERS!)  But here’s the weird thing.  Her GRANDMA is standing next to her . . . as in the same grandma who died casting a spell with Bonnie to open that tomb, back in Season 1.

“Are you up for a game of Ring Around the Rosie, by chance?” 

 (If I recall correctly, Grandma’s death was the plot point that first ended my “friendship” with Bonnie.  After that, she got an ugly haircut, and started hating on vampires, and literally giving Damon a headache, every chance she got.  Now that I think about it, I’m not quite sure I’m thrilled about Grandma’s return.)

But, that’s not all.   Now, Elena has walked in on Jeremy and Anna kissing.

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And she can SEE Anna.

ANNA: “Busted!”

JEREMY: “I swear, Elena, it’s not what it looks like.   Anna just had something in her teeth, and I was helping her get it out.”

ELENA: “With your tongue?” 

Back at the bar, Mason sits down next to Alaric and Damon to do a shot, and break a glass on Damon’s head.

MASON: “Come here often?”

DAMON: “Of course, I come here, often.  This is the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls!  Where else would I go?” 

ALARIC: “Don’t mind him.  I think it’s his time of the month, if you catch my drift.”

And Damon and Alaric can SEE him.  Outside in the parking lot, Lexi has bashed Stefan’s head into a car window.  And HE can see her TOO . . . before he falls unconscious, at least!

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In other words, this sh*t just got REAL!

“I get by with a little help from my GHOSTS”

Back in Spellville, Bonnie is blubbering.  And Grandma is basically telling her to shut the f*&k up, so that the two of them can start cleaning up the MAJOR mess this teen witch has made.  It seems that Bonnie’s act of sending Vicki back to the Demon Dance Club From Whence She Came, has opened some portal between this world and the next, giving basically EVERY ghost with “unfinished business” a free multi-day admission into Mystic Falls.

Since Vicki obtained HER ability to cross over from the Original Witch, and the Original Witch is tied to Elena’s necklace, Granny says that the girls need to get that necklace back, and destroy it, in order to close the portal.   Caroline calls Elena, who’s still in the smelly bathroom, reading Jeremy the riot act for cheating on her friend with Ghost Girl.  Basically, Elena thinks that Jeremy is setting himself up for a World of Hurt, by getting caught up in a relationship with a Dead Girl, that is simply NOT REAL.

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The OBVIOUS IRONY of Elena’s arguably hypocritical statements are completely lost on her, at this point . . .

After rudely leaking to Gossip Girl Caroline the details of her brother’s ghostly smooch, Elena is determined to help Caroline and Bonnie find her necklace, so that she can banish Ghost Girl Anna to the Great Beyond.  She tells Caroline that Damon has the necklace, and then hangs up the phone to stomp out of the bathroom angrily.  (SHE SHOWED THEM!)

“Geez, Ripper Stefan.  When is the last time, you brushed your teeth?” 

But then, Elena runs into Lexi, who’s all about SAVING STEFAN FROM RIPPERDOM through an Aversion Therapy that ALSO seems remarkably similar to what Caroline’s dad put her through, a few episodes back.  Lexi has even locked Stefan up in that same dungeon, where Caroline was once a prisoner.   Now that it’s in HER best interest, Elena is TOTALLY PRO GHOST!  In fact, she even calls back Caroline, to put a stall on the whole “destroy the necklace” thing.

Did I mention that Lexi has magical mystical ghost powers now?  Yeah . . . apparently, all she has to do is stare at Stefan, and his body is painfully leached of all human blood.   According to her, he is now at the equivalent of being “Nine Months Sober.”  Convenient, right?   I guess this is how the writers plan to get around the whole “last time, it took Stefan 30 years to come back to himself.”

Lexi, apparently, is really big on the whole “Tough Love” thing.  She’s stone cold, as Stefan screams in pain, as the veins in his arms and face bulge out, and his body gets soaked in sweat.  In fact, she almost seems to enjoy it!  It takes a real “special” woman to be able to be able to stomach this, even once.   And we know that Lexi has performed this little “service” for Stefan quite a few times, by now.

Among other things . . . 

Elena is having a bit more trouble coping with watching her lover boy in pain.  (Personally, I just wish Lexi had taken off his shirt, before she started.  I don’t know about Stefan, but that would certainly make this experience  a lot more enjoyable for ME!  That was one thing the Tomb Vamps got right!)

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Things get particularly difficult for our heroine, when Stefan starts pleading for her to help him, while claiming that he loves her.  But when Elena doesn’t budge, Stefan’s true Ripper persona shines through.  And he hurts Elena in a way that only he can . . .

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Wow, Ripper Stefan!  Why don’t you tell us how you REALLY feel?

Believe it or not, there’s actually a point to all this angst, and pain, and moaning.  The idea is that by forcing Stefan to feel SOMETHING, even if its hatred, anguish, or a desire to die, Lexi can reawaken the part of him that FEELS.  I’m just wondering what they’ll do when Stefan has to go to the bathroom.  Vampires still do that, right? 😉

Of course, Stefan.  What goes in, must inevitably come out . . . 

Back at the bar, Mason claims he wants an apology from Damon for murdering him in cold blood.  Alaric thinks this is pretty hilarious, and so do I.  Damon’s not really big on the whole “I’m sorry,” thing.  In fact, the only person he EVER really says he’s sorry to, is Elena.  And that’s because he LOOOOOOOOVES her.  But Damon doesn’t LOOOOOOVE Mason, which is why Mason get’s THIS, instead: “I do a lot of things I don’t have to do.  I didn’t HAVE to kill you.”

“I just did it because it was FUN!” 

Mason finds this awkward attempt at apology kind of hilarious, and so do I.  I notice that Ghost Mason, in general, is much more happy-go-lucky guy than his living incarnation.  Screwing Lady Gaga is, apparently,  GREAT for one’s well being. 

Smiley, shiny, happy Mason admits that his “unfinished business” comes from him knowing that Tyler has turned hybrid, and pretty much gone “gay for Klaus.”  Having missed out on “Baby’s first, second, and third werewolf transformation, as well as Baby’s First Taste of Human, Mason is not about to miss another milestone in his nephew’s life.”  When Mason first arrived in Mystic Falls, it was to provide a positive male influence in Tyler’s life.  Since that idea got shot to hell, the least he figures he can do, is kill Klaus, so that Tyler won’t turn out to be a TOTAL EVIL DOUCHEBAG.

“I’m arm wrestling for your SOUL!” 

So, Mason has decided to HELP Damon kill Klaus.  He’s chosen to help his former enemy, because he knows that they have the same goal.

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After all, killing Klaus will not only save Tyler’s soul, it will also save Stefan’s, by breaking the compulsion Klaus has put on him.  Additionally, it will keep Elena from becoming a human bloodbag, for all Klaus’ hybrid minions.  All in all, a pretty good deal, right?

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That being said, part of me wishes Mason actually took the time to TALK to Tyler, and give him some advice, in person.  Because THAT would have been a great scene to watch . . .

Anywhoo, apparently the “tools” to kill Klaus are located where almost everything in Mystic Falls seems to be located, lately . . . the Lockwood cellar.  Damon tentatively follows Mason there.  And just like the rest of us, he can’t help but be a bit skeptical of his former enemies motives, bringing the vampire into a dark enclosed space on property that used to belong to his family.  “You think I’m leading you into a trap, don’t you?”  Mason asks smugly.

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“The thought crossed my mind,” Damon admits.

Mason is FINALLY able to prove to all of us that he’s a Good Guy, when a security system in the Lockwood cellar, shoots Damon’s with large wooden stakes (MAN, this is REALLY not a good episode for Damon, is it?), and the former werewolf, singlehandedly rescues him.  You know, I’m kind of bummed Mason couldn’t stick around longer.  I think he would have made a really nice addition to Team Badass . . .

Further down, in the cellar, however, Damon finds himself unable to pass, because . . . wait for it . . . he hasn’t been “invited in.”

Hottest . . . mime . . . EVER! 

So, Mason continues down the path, by his lonesome, and sees . . . well . . . I’m not going to tell you, yet. 😉

It’s Not in the SOAPDISH!

Hilarity ensues, when Bonnie and Caroline, unable to get in touch with Damon, start tearing through his house, in search of Elena’s necklace.  Caroline makes me literally roll on the floor laughing, when she searches for the SUPER important artifact in Damon’s soapdish, which, most of us remember as the AWFUL hiding place the Elder Salvatore chose for last season’s all-important Moonstone.  Poor Damon!  He’s just never going to live that down, is he?

DAMMIT!  It was ONE TIME!  LET IT GO, ALREADY 

(Again, kudos to the TVD writers, for their adherence to continuity, and their obvious ability to laugh at their own, sometimes inexplicable, plot points.)

Meanwhile, in what is perhaps the LEAST happy of the TVD Ghostly Reunions, Frederick and his Tomb Vamp friends (or, as I used to not-so lovingly call them, the Hidey Hole Vamps), have returned to seek vengeance against the Founding Families, for keeping them entombed all those years.

“We’re BAAAAAAAACK!  Did you miss us?  No?   Well, WE DIDN’T LIKE YOU, EITHER!” 

The Tomb Vamps successfully manage to publicly lynch poor Tobias Fell (Oh, if I lived in Mystic Falls, I would have moved away YEARS ago.  How often do things like this happen here, and no one says anything?), AND crash Carol Lockwood’s car at the Night of Illumination, before SOMEONE finally musters up the courage to stop them . . .

Everyone is in danger of being made into tree ornaments by the Tomb Vamps, but they’d prefer to yell at Jeremy than to  . . . you know . . . run.  When Jeremy calls Bonnie, Caroline picks up the phone, and tells him that, if he doesn’t watch out, he’s going to lose EVERYTHING.  Well . . . actually, he’ll just lose Bonnie, but, whatever.  Then, Elena arrives to chime in.  She turns her ire on Anna, accusing her of holding Jeremy back from having sex with real live human girls.  She also accuses Anna of stealing her necklace, which, so far, no one has found.

Anna denies this, but only because she’s a liar, liar, pants on fire . . .

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Once Elena has left — probably to go moon over Stefan some more — Anna admits to stealing the necklace.   Wait . . . hold up . . . wasn’t the necklace in La Casa de Rich and Awesome, after Damon retrieved it, and returned it to Elena, at the end of “The Reckoning?”

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Man, someone needs to install a new security system in that place, now that EVERY WITCH, VAMPIRE, ORIGINAL, GHOST, WEREWOLF, and their mother can seemingly just walk in, whenever they feel like it.

Anna tells Jeremy that she did this, because she hasn’t found her mother on the Other Side, and she doesn’t want to be alone anymore.

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Then, she gives Jeremy the necklace and starts crying.  But I’m not crying.  Nope, not me.  No sir.  It’s just raining on my face . . . and I have something in my eye . . . Did I mention I was recently chopping onions?

Yeah, so Jeremy heads off to find Bonnie, so he can give her that stupid necklace . . . a piece of jewelry that I only like when Damon uses it to
flirt with Elena . . .

Otherwise, that necklace can KISS MY ASS!

Caroline and Bonnie are driving toward the necklace, when Caroline asks to be let out the car, so that she can kick some Tomb Vamp booty, and save her Possible Future Mother-in-Law, Carol Lockwood from a possible vampiric demise. You GO GIRL!

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“Please hold your applause, until after the recap.”

Without giving even a second thought to the safety of her supposed best friend, who, under normal circumstances would be NO MATCH for the much older, stronger, and more plentiful Tomb Vamps, Bonnie drives back home. (Nice one, WITCH!)

And they all just DISAPPEAR!

Back at Spellville, Jeremy finds Bonnie and gives her the Phantom Necklace, which she promplty tosses into the fire.  More Latin Chanting with Bonnie and Grandma ensues.  “You are stronger than all of this.  I am so proud of you for screwing everything up, as royally as you did this week,” Granny says.

 

They are holding hands.  Then, suddenly, they aren’t.  Grandma is gone.  The portal is closed.

Elsewhere, Mason disappears, conveniently before telling Damon the importance of whatever the f*&k it is he has found inside the Lockwood cellar.  (So much for helping Tyler!  Something tells me Mason’s business is still “unfinished.”  So, the poor guy will probably still be lurking around in Purgatory for awhile . . . hopefully shirtless.)

Lexi disappears too, after hearing from Stefan, how lame it is that she has nothing better to do with her Purgatory time, than to save his life.  He’s got a point.  But Ripper Stefan really has to stop calling his exes pathetic.  It can’t be good for their self esteem . . .

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In the seconds before she vanishes, Lexi reminds Elena that Stefan is still “in there,” so she musn’t give up hope.  Elena nods agreeably, telling the disappearing Lexi that she knows exactly what to do now, thanks to her.  Who knows?  Maybe if Elena turns Ripper Stefan upside down, and shakes him really hard, Good Stefan will fall out of his mouth . . .

Open wide and say, “Ahhhhhh!” 

Anna disappears too, but just before she does, she meets up with her mom, and they hug, vanishing into thin air mid-embrace  All together now, “AWWWWWW!”

 

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Caroline’s kicking Frederick’s butt, when he fades out too . . . bummer.

“Come back!  I’m not done emasculating you!”

After all the Special Guest Stars ghosts are gone, things wrap up pretty fast.  Bonnie tearfully dumps Jeremy’s ass for preferring to make out with the air in the men’s room, than make out with her . . .

“Wait . .  . before you go . . . would you mind taking off your shirt for me, one more time, so I have something to remember you by?”

 Thanks!

Oh, did I mention that after all that hand-holding and chanting the Original Witch’s Necklace (which, according to Lexi, represents Stefan’s LOVE for Elena) . . .

STILL hasn’t been destroyed!

Who would have ever thought that, out of all the vampires, witches, ghosts, and werewolves on the show, the biggest badass of all would be a piece of cheap costume jewelry?

Then, Elena tells Stefan that she is not giving up on him yet, but if he doesn’t clean up his Ripper act soon, she’s going leave his ass to rot in the Torture Chamber.  Then she  .  . . leaves his ass to rot in the Torture Chamber.  But this time, I’m pretty sure it’s only temporary . . .

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“Well  . . . I am getting a stiffy from you leaning over me, and touching my face like that.  Does that count as ‘having feelings?'”

In my FAVORITE moment of the episode, Alaric and Damon finally “kissed” and made up, after Damon called him to explore the Lockwood cellar with him, admitting that, aside from Elena, he had no one else to call. “Sometimes I do things I don’t have to do.  I didn’t have to kill you,” says Damon with a smile, repeating the same pickup lines he used on Mason earlier.

Of course, Alaric calls him on it.  And of course, Damon has a response for that too.  “I didn’t mean it with him,” he says adorably.

I hereby take back all the mean things I’ve said about this sweet Chunky Monkey, since he started fighting with my Damon.  I guess sometimes I do things I don’t have to do, either. 🙂  Oh, and you want to know what Mason saw in the cave that seemed to shock him so much . . . It was . . . wait for it, LAME CAVE PAINTINGS.

Yeah, I was disappointed too.  But, I actually think a history nerd, like Alaric, is going to absolutely eat this sh*t up.  So, more power to him, I guess . . .

And that was “Ghost World” in a nutshell.  I just have one question though.  Where was Useless Jenna in all this?  Are we expected to believe that she had NO unfinished business at all?  Oh, wait, I know!  She was the one who stood at the door of the portal, and told Vicki and the Original Witch, along with all the Evil Tomb Vamps, to just COME ON IN!

It all makes perfect sense now . . . 

Next week on TVD, we get a flashback to the lives of the Original Vampires, BEFORE they were vampires.  And we all know what that means, ELIJAH IS BACK B*TCHES!

You can check out the trailer for the episode here:

By the way, did you catch DAMON DANCING in it?  Can I get a HELL YEAH?

Until next time, Fangbangers . . .

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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