July 4th Movie Quote Contest (a.k.a. The post my lazy butt came up with at the last minute, because I drank too much on July 4th)

Have you ever noticed how there is nothing AT ALL to watch on television during the entire July 4th weekend?  Case in point:  Earlier this evening, I was flipping through channels in search of decent programming.  The viewing selection on my small screen was SO bad, that I actually watched an infomercial . . . on a motor scooter for the elderly . . . for a full half hour.  It was only 10 p.m.

Four glasses of wine in my belly, and I was actually about to purchase this . . . another two glasses, and I would have bought a spare one for my pet cat.

But you know what DOESN’T suck during July 4th weekend?  MOVIES!

July 4th weekend is a time when film production companies tend to release their highest budget films, in hopes of scoring big at the box office, and, thereby, achieving that much coveted “blockbuster” status.  It is also a time when television networks tend to air some of Hollywood’s most successful blockbusters, during prime time hours.  Networks tend to do this because (1) why bother putting out new content, when everyone is too sunburned and beer-logged to watch it; and (2) the few people who ARE watching are so happy to find something decent on television to watch and so very drunk, they won’t care at all that it’s a movie they have already seen 25 times.

For this reason and because I have had too much to drink to be genuinely creative, I have decided to run a little informal contest / game here at TV Recappers Anonymous.  The winner gets . . . well . . . to be honest, the winner gets nothing, because I don’t have anything to give him or her.

However, having a contest win of any kind under your belt WILL provide you with massive “street cred” on the blogosphere, not to mention something to brag about at all your upcoming July 4th parties!

OK . . . Here’s how the game works.  Got a pen and paper handy?

Good!

I’m going to show you a YouTube video featuring 100 famous movie quotes.  As you watch the video, jot down as many movies and quote-uttering actors as you recognize.  Then, tally up your points.  You get one point for each movie you correctly identify, and one point for each actor. 

And remember NO CHEATING!  If I hear later from your friends that you paused this video and started trolling around IMDB for the answers, I am going to find out your home address, and personally mail this to it . . .

Don’t think I won’t do it, either! 

If you’d like, feel free to comment here on how many points out of the possible 200 you received.  If not, don’t worry, I won’t be insulted . . .

 .  . . well, maybe I’ll be a little insulted.  But I’ll get over it.

This would actually be a pretty cool game to play with your friends on July 4th, assuming the party you are attending is extremely lame.  Additionally, I’m pretty sure there is a way to turn this into a drinking game.  I just haven’t quite figured out how to do it yet.  (Your suggestions in that regard, of course, are welcome too.)

So, without further adieu, here are 100 famous movie quotes in under four minutes . . . Good luck!

(At some point, I MIGHT add a comment to this post that includes the “answers” to this game.  Until then, you are on the honor system.  And remember, I’ll be WATCHING YOU!)

 Happy July 4th, everyone!

Career in a Slump? Bad Publicity Got You Down? – Just Get in a Fat Suit and Dance with J Lo! All Will Be Forgiven!

Fat, bald, and booty-shaking is officially the NEW sexy!

Good ole’ Tom Cruise!  This guy has had more image makeovers than Madonna!  He first made a name for himself in the early 80’s, as a promising child star, in the movie Taps, alongside other soon-to-be big names, Sean Penn and Timothy Hutton.

 Then, a few years later, he reinvented himself in Risky Business, as a shy teen, who liked hookers . . . but disliked wearing pants.

As an early twenty-something, Tom Cruise starred in Top Gun,  a very “manly” movie about fighter pilots.  Soon after, he unwittingly became an icon for gay men everywhere, thanks to this little scene . . .

Then Tom did the “serious lawyer movie” thing in A Few Good Men.  And, even though I was still prepubescent when it came out, I’m pretty sure that it was this film (and the below scene in particular) that eventually inspired me to go to law school.  Not that Tom really cares, of course . . . (Nor should he.)

And what’s a modern day acting career without a little vampiric bloodsucking?  Here’s looking at you, Vampire Lestat in Interview with a Vampire!

Since when did Victorian Age vampires have access to crimping irons?

When you’re a Hollywood star, who is constantly bombarded by the media’s preoccupation with youth, mid-life crises tends to hit YOU a bit earlier than the rest of the world.  So, when Tom was staring down his late 30’s, he did what any self-respecting male A-list star does, upon being faced with his own mortality.  He made an action movie (or, rather, four).

(Insert annoying Mission Impossible theme music here.)

This was when things got a little hairy for Tom’s heretofore stellar media image.  First there was, that “Couch Jumping Incident”

Wow!  I truly forgot how bizarre and uncomfortable that was to watch!

This was quickly followed by that Today show interview with Matt Lauer, which I like to refer to lovingly as . . . “Glib”-gate.

And, yet, just when it seemed as if all hope had been lost for reviving Tom Cruise’s seriously messed-up career, out of the darkness of Hollywood, there emerged a little film called Tropic Thunder, and a very special character named Les Grossman.

The film procured mainly positive reviews.  In particular, Tom’s portrayal of tubby, potty-mouthed studio exec, Les Grossman, was extremely favorably received.  Les Grossman went a long way toward reviving Cruise’s seemingly stalled career.  The role singlehandedly illustrated his comedic chops, his ability to laugh at himself, and his general willingness to play . . . well . . . fat and bald. 

The problem was that not EVERYBODY actually saw Tropic Thunder.  This was why, in order to stage a COMPLETE comeback, Tom needed to do this . . .

And based on my brief perusal of the message boards and entertainment rags, Tom’s Master Plan for Image Upheaval REALLY WORKED!   Mr. Cruise’s little dance with J. Lo at the 2010 MTV Movie Awards received almost uniformly positive reviews.  Some even cited it as the best moment of the ENTIRE awards show.  And, in discussing the dance, virtually NO ONE (except me, of course) made ANY MENTION AT ALL of all that Couch-Jumping, Scientology proseletyzing hoohaa! 

Congratulations Tom Cruise!  American media clearly has a very short memory . . .

Let that be a lesson to YOU, Lindsay Lohan . . .

It’s time to get fat and funky, GIRLFRIEND!

Anatomy of a Trailer – Knight and Day

I REALLY did not want to like this trailer!  It’s Tom Cruise — I have  kind of a personal vendetta against him.  You see, when I was a little kid, I luuuuuuved my Tom Cruise.  Because, really, back then, what was not to love?  He played a kickass fighter pilot in Top Gun, who played volleyball with his shirt off . . .

In Risky Business, he played an enterprising young high school student, with a hooker for a BFF, who danced around the house with his pants off . . .

And he played a brilliant attorney in A Few Good Men, who regrettably kept his clothes on, but still looked pretty darn good in a suit, while wiping the courtroom floor with Jack Nicholson. . .

“You can’t handle the truth . . . about what I’ve got under my shirt.”

I luuuuved Tom Cruise so much, I actually had a teddy bear named Tom Cruise, that I slept with every night.

But things started to go down hill, when Tom Cruise went and stole Joey Potter from Pacey Witter, who — anyone who has ever watched Dawson’s Creek knows — was obviously her soulmate.

Yeah, I know they were just actors reading from a script.  Whatever, it still makes me MAD!

After that, my boy Tom went all CRAZY!  Jumping on couches . . .

 . . . calling Matt Lauer “glib,” and preaching a religion that truly believes that all the world’s problems could be solved —  if only we could stop those pesky aliens from leeching onto the back of our skulls.

Needless to say, Tom and I aren’t exactly on good terms right now.  So when I heard that he had a new movie coming out this summer, I REALLY wanted to hate the trailer.  Except, I didn’t . . .  See for yourself.

(ARGH!  You know, it really dusts my doilies when movies and TV shows don’t let me embed their videos!   I’m offering you FREE PRESS, people!  If you don’t mind too much, just click on the YouTube link to watch.  Otherwise, the rest of this post won’t make much sense . . .)

Let’s analyze, shall we . . .

:10 – Cameron Diaz is looking pretty good, I must say.  Do you think she has had any work done?

:17 – Awww, look its Marc Blucas!   You may remember this guy as Buffy’s one time boyfriend, Riley Finn, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  You also might remember him as the cute, but kind of boring, other boy (the one who never ends up with the girl), in countless romantic comedies.  And from the looks of it, he’s going to play the same role here.  Don’t get too down on yourself, Marc.  We still think you look good with your shirt off . . .

:22 – Don’t you hate it when some crazy Scientologist kills everyone on your plane?

:58 – Don’t you hate it when some crazy Scientologist crashes your plane into a corn field?

1:03 – Hey, Lost fans!  It looks like Shannon isn’t dead after all.  She’s alive and well, and getting married in a Tom Cruise movie.

How pissed would Lost fans be, if the show ended up being an evil plot on the part of J.J. Abrams and Co. to convert the masses to Scientology?  What if Jacob was really L. Ron Hubbard reincarnated? 

Same color hair . . .

1:07 – I really hate to say this, but Peter Sarsgaard is starting to look kind of old.  It wasn’t so long ago, that he starred in Garden State and looked like this . . .

1:20 – Don’t you hate it when your driving on a highway, and you can’t remove that pesky Scientologist from the hood of your car?  They really need to make stronger windshield wipers for this express purpose.

1:34 – Do you realize that Cameron Diaz’s character, has just basically summarized what will likely be the ENTIRE first half of the movie for Marc Blucas’s character, in this trailer?  Talk about leaving nothing to the imagination . . .

1;48  – “I’m the guy.”  – Now that’s Classic Tom Cruise, right there!  He’s even rocking the sunglasses. 

This scene made me so happy, I might just stop calling him “the Scientologist” for the rest of this recap . .  . Maybe.

2:00 – “Nobody follows us, or I’ll kill myself, and then her.” –  Hmmmm . . . there is something wrong with this statement.  Oh, yeah, generally, already dead people CAN’T kill other people . .. unless, of course, they are Freddy Krueger, or those creepy kids from the Japanese horror movies . .

I didn’t think this was THAT kind of film . . .

2:08 – This warehouse  hiding, dual guns blazing Tom Cruise, reminds me a lot of his Mission Impossible days, no?

Sidenote:  In case you were curious, the song they played during the second half the trailer was “Uprising” by Muse.  It’s a nice addition to any iPod, in my opinion.   This is an especially good song for those of you, who have a lot of untapped rage that needs releasing . . .

Did I mention the video for the song features a tribe of Angry Teddy Bears?

It always comes back to Teddy Bears with me, doesn’t it?

So there you have it.  Knight and Day.  It seems a bit predictable.  And they definitely gave away too much of the plot in the trailer.  But it also looks fun and funny enough to convince me to refrain from making bad Scientology jokes about Tom Cruise .  . .  for a few hours, at least. 

Knight and Day hjacks theaters on June 25, 2010.  Will YOU see it?