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Anatomy of a Trailer – Touchstone Pictures’ “You Again”

OK.  So, a film about a former high school nerd, who is now “all-grown up” and successful, but soon finds herself reverting back to her old ways, when the school bully conveniently re-enters her life?  It’s not exactly the most original movie premise out there.  And yet, with a cast that includes none other than:

 my girl-crush Kristen Bell (of Veronica Mars fame),

Jamie Lee Curtis,

Sigourney Weaver,

Kristin Chenoweth,

Cloris Leachman,

and the always ADORABLE Betty White

 . . . I simply HAD to post this trailer.  So, here it is (special thanks to TrailerDelinquent, over at YouTube, for posting this):

Let’s analyze, shall we . . .

:12 – I’m not sure how I feel about Jaime Lee Curtis and Victor Garber as Kristen Bell’s parents.  Don’t get me wrong, they are both GREAT actors.  It’s just that they are so “dark complected” compared to Bell’s blonde, fair-skinned, look.  Maybe she is supposed have been adopted?

That being said .  . . I’m TOTALLY loving Garber’s “doo-rag” in this dinner scene!

:28 – I was wondering how they would make the super cute Kristen Bell into a convincing nerd, for “flashback scene” purposes.  I don’t have to wonder anymore . . .

Nice job, wardrobe and makeup department!  They even (gasp!) gave my girl highly realistic looking PIMPLES!

:36 – Now, I may be broadcasting my “inner nerd” when I say this, but I think mascots, in general, are pretty awesome . . . Well, maybe not that one.

Now, do you see what I mean about the pimples?

:47 – “Hugsies!”  – UGGHHH!  I already HATE Odette Yustman’s character, and it’s been less than a minute!

:54 – It definitely looks like they photoshopped together ACTUAL high school pictures of Jaime Lee Curtis and Sigourney Weaver to make this fake yearbook picture.  (Devil horns not included, of course.)

1:12 – OH NO!  They DID NOT just allude to a Jamie Lee Curtis “money shot!”

Sheesh!  The woman does ONE movie with Lindsay Lohan . . .

 . . .  and already she’s exposing herself in public.  This is yet another GREAT reason to ban “Lilo” from all future cinematic appearances!

1:16 and 1:48 – For a movie trailer, this has has a surprisingly  good soundtrack!  The first song you hear is “Good Girls Go Bad,” by Cobra Starship.  The second one is Little Jackie’s “The World Should Revolve Around Me.”  Remind me to add these two tracks to my ipod, OK?

2:08 – “Somebody call US Weekly.  Let’s find out who wore it best!”

Sorry Jamie Lee!  I’m going to have to go with Sigourney on this one . . .

2:24 – “I’m also on the Facebook . . . and the Twitter.”  –  I heart Betty White!  I’ll definitely be stalking her on both Facebook AND Twitter, once I finish this post.

 

You Again bullies into theaters on September 24, 2010.  Will YOU see it?

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Teen-y Porn, Pill Poppers, and Excess Parental Baggage – A Recap of Gossip Girl’s “The Lady Vanished”

 

This picture is disturbing on so many levels.  For one thing, the actress on the far left is only 16.  For another, the guy in bed next to her plays her BROTHER.  The photographer really should have thought this one through a bit more . . .

WARNING:  Tonight’s episode of Gossip Girl has been rated . . .

 . . . with heavy emphasis on the “F.”  Viewer (and reader) discretion is advised.

Food, Fake Os, Family and Fun!

“The Lady Vanished” began with Nate and Serena, more or less, doing what they did throughout the entire last episode: screwing eachother’s brains out.  Poor Nate!   Once cast as the show’s leading man, he has, of late, been relegated to the roll of Porno Pizza Delivery Guy. 

“Did someone order extra sausage?”

Since the show has returned from hiatus, all this guy has had the opportunity to do in terms of “acting” is give  smoldering looks to the camera and make mildly suggestive comments, while being ravaged by his current femme fatale, Serena.

Don’t worry, Chace Crawford.  We still think you’re pretty.

I’ve been told that Nate’s and Serena’s food-filled sex romp was a send up to this classic film . . .

 . . . which, I will admit, I never saw, because I was too young when it came out (and, from the looks of it, may still be!)

However, I was shocked to find out that the sexy hunk of man in the above-poster “grew up” to be none other than this guy from The Wrestler . . .

“This should be a lesson to all you kiddies.  DON’T DO DRUGS!”

Aside from being a super sexy scene, it was nice to see one of the Gossip Girls actually eating.  Because, as Blair mentioned during the episode, Serena hasn’t “eaten bread since middle school” or, likely,  anything else, for that matter . . . (well . . . except . . . nevermind.  This blog post has gone far enough into the gutter as it is.)

Serena and Nate are interrupted from their “meal” by the loud sexual moans of Blair Waldorf.  (Seriously, could this episode get any more pornographic?)  Of course, Nate and Serena immediately assume that Blair is having her own “meal” with Chuck.  However, when Chuck phones Nate, requesting that the latter retrieve the former’s cell phone from Blair’s and Chuck’s apartment, without Blair finding out about it, it becomes apparent that Blair is home alone, flying solo . . . WOAH!

“What?  I’m not man enough for you, in my neon orange peacoat?”

As it turns out, Blair is “just reading.”  (Isn’t that what everyone says, when they are caught?)  Her moans were merely intended to make a point about Nate’s and Serena’s inconsiderate “loudness” and sexcapades of recent days past. 

“Glad I got Chuck’s couch scotchguarded,” she remarks.  (I totally forgot N and S did it there last week too!  The writers were loving Leighton Meester, this week.  She got all of the episode’s best lines.)

While Blair confesses to Serena that her and Chuck are “not connecting,” Nate arrives with a lame excuse as to why he suddenly needs Chuck’s cell phone.  “I had to check a tweet,” he offers.

Good ‘ole Gossip Girl.  Always up on what the “cool kids” are doing . . .

Of course, because Blair almost got into Yale, and, therefore, must have an IQ above 20, she doesn’t buy Nate’s Tweety Excuse.  “I so miss dating a horrible liar,” she sighs.

Upon examining the phone, Blair learns that Chuck has been receiving calls from the woman who, last week, claimed not to be, but actually is, his mother.  And he has been ignoring her.  Chuck walks in on this exchange, and explains that he wants nothing to do with Mommy Bass.  Blair surprises us all, by supporting Chuck’s decision.  Serena “Buttinsky” Van Der Woodsen, however, is not as understanding.

Serena arranges a dinner date with Chuck, Blair, Nate and herself, and secretly invites Mommy Bass along for the ride. 

(I did a little research on Laura Harring, the actress who plays Chuck’s mom.  From this, I learned precisely two things: (1) she starred in that bizarre David Lynch movie, Mullholland Drive; (2) when you search for pictures of her on Google Images to include in your blog, more nudie pics appear than clothed ones.  Based on her not-so-hot acting during these past two episodes, I can’t say I am all that surprised.)

Anyway, Chuck approaches Mommy Not-So-Dearest, and hands her a large check in exchange for her leaving his life for good.  She takes the cash.  Later, Chuck admits to Blair that he HAD wanted a relationship with his long-lost mother.  Giving her the check was a test,  and she failed. 

Refusing to accept defeat, Nosy Nellie Serena pays another visit to Mommy Bass.

I just couldn’t resist . . .

You see, this whole “Chuck thing” was about SERENA all along!  Serena is hurt that her dad hasn’t made an effort to meet her, and she’s hoping Mommy Bass can give her some sort of an explanation for his action.  Mommy Bass does provide an explanation, but not exactly the one Serena wants.  As it turns out, it was Chuck’s Mom’s idea for Bart Bass to tell Chuck his mom had died during childbirth.   She was young at the time, and simply didn’t want any part in raising a child.

Horrified, Serena stalks out, immediately leaving a message on her absentee father’s machine, stating that she no longer wants to find him.  However, given that they have already offered the role of Serena’s father to this guy . . .

And the award for Baldwin Brother Who Aged the Best Goes to . . . BILLY!

 . . . I’m assuming Daddy Van Der Woodsen doesn’t regularly check the messages on his cell phone.

At the episode’s conclusion, Mommy Bass decides to stay in town and get to know her son; Chuck makes amends with her;  and they all live happily ever after . . . at least, until next week.

The Runaways

Meanwhile, Little Jenny Humphrey is hiding in her bedroom,  with Poor Man’s Jared Leto Drug Dealing Damien.  The two are messing around amid thousands of pharmaceuticals, while Jenny’s oblivious parents are still moping about the fight they got into last week.

And the Parent of the Year Award goes to . . .

Jenny is understandably a bit miffed when Drug Dealing Damien’s dad calls and he refers to Jenny as “his friend.”  However, she doesn’t have much time to pout about this, because her parents finally wake up from their self-indulgent stupors and realize that Jenny has an older boy in her bed.  Just to prove she’s “bad ass,” Jenny drops a bag of pills on the floor and tells her parents that they are hers.  When her father balks at the discovery, Jenny calls Hypocrite on his Aging Rocker tush.  “I know you didn’t spend all those years on the tour bus, reading,” she remarks.

“I WOULD HAVE . . . I just don’t know how to read . . .”

A surprisingly gallant Damien tries to deflect blame off Jenny, by admitting the pills are his,  and telling Mommy and Daddy Humphrey a sob story about his drug-addicted dad (a story he later told Jenny was true, but I’m not buying it).  However, Daddy Humphrey, a.k.a. Rufus, will not back down.  He uses Jenny’s rebellion as an excuse to escape the swanky Van Der Woodsen residence and return to Brooklyn. 

Although Rufus claims he is doing this for his daughter, I cry bullshit.  I’m pretty sure this has more to do with Mommy Humphrey’s “little white lie” to Rufus last week about her recent dalliance with Serena’s dad.

And yet, it seems that Mommy Humphrey isn’t the only parent getting a little action on the side.  Once Rufus has left the house, Lily learns from the doorman that Daddy Humphrey has been spending time in  Slutty Neighbor’s apartment, and has even left certain items of clothing there.

At the episode’s conclusion, Jenny leaves home and runs off to live with Drug Dealing Damien, who accepts her with open arms.

Shame on you Poor Man’s Jared Leto!   She’s 16!   If you even THOUGHT you would be cast in the remake of  My So Called Life, you could just forget about it now!

Which reminds me, didn’t we do the whole “Runaway Jenny” storyline two seasons ago? 

I guess this works for plotlines too . . .

In other news, these two reunited at a beach-themed party, and decided to make a go of it as a couple . . .

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ . . . .

Ooh, sorry, I must have dozed off for a moment there.

So, there you have it folks, another nearly R-rated Gossip Girl episode in the can.  Until next week . . .

XOXO!

 

 

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7 (Healthy) Ways to Cope While AMC’s Mad Men is on Hiatus

By now, it is no secret that I am a television fanatic – one who harbors an almost unhealthy level of attachment to my favorite shows and characters.  Inevitably, each year, there comes a time when a show on my viewing roster will go on hiatus.  (In the case of cable shows – a LONG hiatus!) 

 I will be the first to admit, that I do not always accept these “breaks” from my shows like the mature adult I am supposed to be.  Back in November, after Mad Men aired its Season 3 finale episode, the fantastic “Shut the Door, Have a Seat,” I took the parting particularly badly . . .

“That’s not water he is sitting in . . . those are my tears!”

In fact, I would say, I cycled through ALL FIVE of Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ stages of grief, in a span of just a few months:

Denial: “It is Sunday night, 10pm.  Mad Men MUST be on!  If I put on AMC, and watch this crappy old movie, I am certain that the movie will magically convert into a new Mad Men episode!”

Anger: “It is 12:00 p.m!  I watched that entire crappy movie!  It never turned into Mad Men!  I am going to throw this lamp at my television!”

Bargaining: “OK.  I just bought a new television.  AMC, if you  put Mad Men back on, I promise not to throw a lamp at THIS television.”

Depression: “I just ruined two of my televisions!  I can’t afford to buy another one!  Life sucks.”

Acceptance: “Thanks for the new TV, Mom!  I heard HBO has this new show on Sunday nights at 10pm.  It’s called “How to Make it in America.”  I’m going to give it a try . . .

I DO NOT recommend this method of coping with the loss of your favorite shows.  For one thing, it is very expensive.  To prevent you, dear reader, from doing what I did, I have come up with seven significantly cheaper and less destructive methods for coping with the loss of Mad Men.  These suggestions  should tide you over, until the show returns to our television screens this July.

1) Buy the DVD Box Set

This is probably the most obvious way of getting your post-season Mad Men fix, as it will enable you to enjoy hours and hours of Don Draper-ey goodness on your own time schedule.  The first two seasons are already available on DVD.  The third WILL be available for purchase on March 23, 2010.  However, you can pre-order it here.  According to Amazon.com, buying all three DVDs will set you back about $75.00.  (Not exactly cheap – but way less expensive than a new television . . .)

2) Watch Mad Men fan vids on YouTube

Low on funds, but still need your Mad Men fix?  YouTube has a few choice clips from the show that you might enjoy.  (I’d love to post one here for you, but AMC does not allow you too embed its videos – phooey!)  Instead, please enjoy this fan video involving my two favorite Mad Men characters: erstwhile ingenue Peggy and erstwhile villian Pete . . .

3) Watch Mad Men Spoofs on other channels.

They say that “mimicry is the sincerest form of flattery.”  If that’s the case, the folks at Mad Men should be SINCERELY FLATTERED, because everybody and their mother is putting out some sort of spoof or parody of the show this year.  You can check out the above-pictured “Mad Men” during a reoccurring skit on Sesame Street.  Or, watch The Simpsons, for this gem . . .

4) Purchase Mad Men Paraphernalia

Aside from the aforementioned DVDs, a few Google and Amazon.com searches can lead you to all sorts of Mad Men goodies, including:

 . . . this Sterling, Cooper, Draper & Pryce t-shirt that allows you to show your support for the brand new ad executive team;

this Mad Men martini shaker, perfect for taking a little nip at the office;

this MAD WOMEN mug, because it isn’t always about the boys; and

these Mad Men – inspired Barbie dolls, which are adorable, but, unfortunately,  (1) cost $75 a pop, coincidentally, the same amount it costs to buy all three Mad Men DVDs together, and (2) aren’t on sale until July 2010.  By then, we will have the real thing to enjoy!

5) Follow the Mad Men characters on Twitter.

Talk about an anachronism!  On Mad Men, our favorite advertising executives are still using type writers.  But, apparently, in the virtual world, they are all about the Twitter.  I’ve read that there was some controversy about these character-inspired Twitter accounts, which were fan-created.  In fact, at one point, AMC sought to have them removed from cyberspace.  Fortunately, the pages are back and ready for you to enjoy.  Here are just some of the Mad Men on Twitter today.  (You can view their pages, by simply clicking on the links provided.)

Don Draper

Betty Draper

Peggy Olson

Roger Sterling

Ken Cosgrove

Salvatore Romano

6) Find out which Mad Men character you are.

When I was younger, I used to love reading Teen magazine.  I particularly enjoyed taking all of those kind of lame, not particularly accurate, personality quizzes they always had in there.  Fortunately, AMCTV.com has created a slightly improved online version of those quizzes, inspired by its most successful television program. 

The first time I took the quiz, it told me I was most like “Duck Phillips.”  I was a little insulted.  But either they have changed the quiz in the past few months, or I have changed.  Because, I took the quiz again today and got “Joan Holloway!”  Awesome!

You can take the quiz here.

7) Transform yourself into a Mad Men character.

Another cool thing to do on AMCTV.com is to make yourself into a cartoon Mad Men-themed avatar.  The computer program allows you to choose between male and female avatars, and customize your character, by electing from any number of faces, body types, clothing styles, accessories, and backgrounds.  Here’s mine:

Those of you who have met me in person, can confirm that I actually sort of look like this . . .

You can create your own Mad Men Avatar here.

There you have it.  Hours and hours of HEALTHY Mad Men-themed enjoyment, certain to keep you occupied (and sane), while you wait for the show’s Season 4 premiere. Now, you no longer have any excuses for throwing lamps at your televisions.  OK?

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