Tag Archives: Ursula

Things that Make You Go, “Ahhhhh! Ahhhh!” – A Recap of Once Upon a Time’s “Poor Unfortunate Souls”

640_OUAT_Queens_of_Darkness_Ursula

Once upon a time, a sweet little mermaid named Ariel dreamed of walking on land, so she could get laid by a hot human prince.

names ariel

It’s not exactly the most heroic of Life Goals, is it?

This week on Once, we learn that you can’t judge a man by the size of his (ahem) ship, or a hero/villain by his or her chosen happy ending.

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The Kids Are Not All Right – A Recap of Once Upon a Time’s “Unforgiven”

"So, Snow White gets to keep two kids and a hot husband, and I get stuck with nothing but a funny looking hat and blue balls."

“So, Snow White gets to keep two kids and a hot husband, and I get nothing but a funny-looking hat and little blue balls.”

When people say, “Love makes you do crazy things,” they tend to be talking about romantic love . . . the kind of love that gives you butterflies in your tummy, a warm gooey feeling in your heart, and that awkward tingly sensation in your pants.

ouat 4.2 hook squee

But what about the love a parent feels for his or her child? The kind of love that only develops when a little tiny human enters your world and, at least for the first two or three years of its life, is totally and completely vulnerable, relying on you for even the simplest of life’s necessities, including pooping.

scared baby gif

If romantic love can make you do crazy things, well then that kind of love should have the power to render you damn near psychotic.

This week’s installment of Once was all about the great lengths parents will go to shield their little ones from darkness . . . even if that darkness happens to be coming directly from the parents themselves.

oh spit

Also this week on Once . . .

. . . everybody gets away with lying to Emma, whose bullsh*t-detecting magical power seems to have been on the fritz ever since she started dating the flying monkey back in Season 2.

Alcoholism... making ugly flying monkeys look like Captain Hook since the beginning of time...

Alcoholism… making ugly flying monkeys look like Captain Hook since the beginning of time…

. . . Belle gets a little tongue action from someone whose name most certainly does not rhyme with Bumplebiltskin.

OUAT Rumple yells

. . . Snow and Charming act shady and start (or continue, depending on how you look at it) sucking at life.

ouat 4.2 charming battle

. . . and a plot is hatched for Regina to infiltrate Regina George’s Army of Skanks Maleficent’s Queens of Darkness, thereby indicating that I’ve been genuinely onto something with all my shameless Mean Girls references this season. (Never pegged the Evil Queen as a Cady Heron though . . .)

"You're like really pretty."

“You’re like really pretty.”

Let’s review, shall we?

You can check out the rest of this recap HERE!

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It’s Always Dawn-est Before the Dark – A Recap of Once Upon a Time’s “Heroes and Villains”

queens of darkness

Welcome to the mid-season finale of Once Upon a Time, a.k.a. The Episode Where We Learn How Everything That Was Fixed in the Last Episode Will Turn to Crap Just in Time for Part B of the Season. It was an episode jam packed with ooey gooey goodness, and a heaping helping of angst thrown in for good measure. Let’s see, we got a wedding . . .

clapping

. . . well . . . part of a wedding . . .

ouat 4.1 belle

. . . we got to see a bride look in the mirror before her wedding . . .

“What? She couldn’t have waited another 20 minutes, until she got home? What a b*tch! Team Regina all the way!”

Two lovers rekindled their romance . . .

say goodbye

. . . and then . . . un-kindled it.

regina tears

Rumpel had a very good day . . .

everything i desire

. . . followed by a very bad one . . .

im afraid

. . . followed by a trip to the aquarium?

Lots of people made out with one another.

reunited kiss hook

And three very fabulous Drag Queens of Darkness finally found their King.

Let’s review, shall we?

You can check out the rest of this recap here.

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