Tag Archives: Vampire King of Mississippi

Bill Compton’s got moves that will make your head spin! – A Recap of True Blood’s “It Hurts Me Too.”

“Hey, Sookie!  Did you see what your boyfriend just did to that chick’s head?  That was some freaky sh*t!”

“Yeah.  I know I’m supposed to be all mad that he like totally cheated on me.  But I just keep rubbing my neck, and thinking, ‘Better you than me, b*tch.  Better you than me . ..'”

Boy, did Alan Ball and Co. reap the benefits of being on “pay cable,” and having a “Mature Audiences” rating tonight!  Tonight’s True Blood installment featured no less than THREE hard core sex scenes, each one more raunchy than the next, three pretty gruesome dead bodies, and one . . . burning bush.

Did I mention we got introduced to THIS GUY?

I’m starting a little betting pool on how many more episodes before we get to see this hot werewolf without his shirt on.  Any takers?  I’m willing to bet it happens next episode.  Sookie and Alcide have to SLEEP eventually.  And if you looked like THAT, would YOU wear clothing to bed?  I think not . . .

So, let’s try to “wrap our heads around” this episode, shall we?

 Ooops!  Sorry, Lorena!  I guess that was in poor taste, under the circumstances . . .

“Lessons in Good Housekeeping” by Sookie Stackhouse

Poor Sookie!  For a girl who seemingly spends every episode cleaning her house, she sure collects a lot of interesting stains on that carpet of hers.  (Maenad-induced orgy juice anyone?)  When we last left our favorite Merlotte’s waitress, she was hanging out with Eric.  And the two crazy lovebirds were engaged in their own unique brand of foreplay.  You know the drill.  Eric makes sexual innuendos; Sookie fends him off passionately; they stare angrily / lovingly into one anothers’ eyes; someone tries to kill Sookie . . .  the usual.

The higher the body count, the hotter the love . . .

This week’s candidate for a Viking Vampire Ass Whupping was a random nameless werewolf hopped up on vampire blood.  He apparently hailed from that pesky Jackson, Mississippi-based were-gang that has been bothering Vampire Bill for two episodes now.  Sookie tries to shoot him herself, but in a  brash show of machismo (“No way I’m letting my lady do my murdering for me!”), Eric dives in front of the bullet, and valiantly takes it in the chest, before literally chewing the were’s head off. 

 “I got your carpet wet,” admits Bloody Eric apologetically, his speech garbled by the bits of man-dog still lodged in his teeth.  (He’s been alive for centuries, and still NO ONE has taught him not to speak with his mouth full.  Someone clearly needs a Mommy!)

Eric and Sookie then head back into Sookie’s already corpse crowded backyard to bury the latest Trophy of Love.  Sookie is not so much bothered by the fact that someone died in her house, as she is by the fact that Eric killed him before she could “mind read” him in to giving up Bill’s whereabouts.  And you just KNOW that Eric’s got it bad for the spunky barmaid, when he actually responds to her ungrateful idiocy by APOLOGIZING! 

My heart really went out to Mr. Macho Vamp, as he sheepishly admitted to Sookie that he might not have been strong enough to save her from the V-strengthened werewolf, had they held off any longer on killing him.  Talk about having your metaphorical balls cut off!  That admission really had to hurt. 

On their little romantic post burial stroll back home, Sookie tells Eric that she must go to Jackson to find and rescue Bill.  “Do us all a favor and stay out of trouble,” warns Eric.  “You are no good to anyone, if you are killed.”  (Awwwww!  He so LUUUUUVES HER!)

The next afternoon, after putting together an impromptu funeral for Tara’s Eggs . . .

Sunny side DOWN . . .

 . . . Sookie is scrubbing up her bloody floor, when a mysterious stranger approaches her from behind. (Wink, wink!)  She hears the stranger thinking about how pretty and blonde she is, and immediately runs into the house.  But the stranger is faster and more powerful.  He wraps his big sexy arms around her waist, and says “Eric Northman sent me.  I’m here to look at your boobs after you.”

Clearly Eric has a lot of confidence in his “stamina” to be OK with Sookie going on vacation with a guy who looks like this.

Typically, werewolves and vampires don’t mix.  However, Alcide apparently owes some sort of debt to Eric that is in need of repayment.  So, off head Sookie and Alcide to Lou Pines, a hardcore werewolf biker bar.

Lou Pines?  Really?  Is that the best you can do, Alan Ball?  I could think of about a thousand cooler names for a werewolf bar than this.  How about, for example, “The Hair of the Dog (that Bit You),” or “No Fleas,” or “WERE’S the Beer?”  (Get it, “were,” like in WEREwolf . . . never mind.)

Anyway at Lame-O Lou Pines, Sookie puts on her dumb blonde act, in hopes of getting some information on Mr. Bill.  She reads one dude’s mind and figures out he was one of the were’s that kidnapped Bill in his car.  (Sheesh!  How many werewolves were IN that car, anyway?  Because I’m pretty sure we’ve met at least six already.   Bill must have one of those clown cars, I used to see in the circus . . .)

“We’ll all be expecting our SAG cards in the mail, thank you!”

Random Clown Car Werewolf catches wind that Sookie is not the brainless bimbo she seems, and starts attacking her.  In typical True Blood male fashion, Alcide tries to jump in and rescue her.  He gets in a few good punches, before the rest of the werepack starts beating the crap out of him.  Luckily, the owner of the bar (Lou Pine, I presume?), breaks up the fight and kicks out the offending weres.  Then, in a complete non-sequitur moment, the bar owner tells Alcide that his ex-girlfriend is gettting engaged to Coot, head of the Evil Werewolf Clan, the following day, at the bar.  (WAY TO STAY CLASSY, Alcide’s ex!)

Hmmm . . . so Alcide’s former girlfriend went from dating this  . . .

 . . . to this . . .

Color me impressed!

Creepiest O Face, EVER!

Apparently, Sookie and Eric aren’t the only human / vampire pair turned on by random acts of violence.  When we last saw Tara, she was punching the stuffing out of some drunkards, while “new in town” vamp Franklin Mott gallantly held them still for her.  Now she’s in bed with the new vamp, and the poor girl looks like she’s having a seizure! 

Now, I don’t know if this was done on purpose. (Rutina Wesley gave some FANTASTIC O Face, back when she was getting it on with Eggs in Season 2.  So I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt here.)  But, watching this, I honestly couldn’t tell if Tara was enjoying herself, or literally having the life f&*ked out of her.

While doing the deed, Tara begs Franklin to bite her and he refuses.  When she asks him why, he replies, “Because you want me to.”  (OH NO!  That’s never a good sign!  RUN TARA!  RUN LIKE THE WIND!)

During the post-coital cuddling session, Tara basically blows Franklin off, telling her she can’t be in a relationship now and blah, blah, blah.  But, of course, this wouldn’t be True Blood, if Tara wasn’t being beaten up, mind controlled, and abused.  So, when Franklin visits Tara at Sookie’s house, where she is staying for the time being, it didn’t surprise me at all they he compels her against her will to let him in.  Here we go again . . .

(Sidenote:  If Vampires can COMPEL or GLAMOUR humans to invite them into their homes, why don’t they do it all the time?  Isn’t that the ultimate loophole?)

Vampire Jessica just got in over her HEAD . . .

“I’d rather be taking my SAT’s, than dealing with this sh*t.”

The Good News is Vampire Jessica’s “dad’s” house doesn’t have that awful smell anymore.  The Bad News is that Jessica’s lost something you can’t exactly pick up at the local Lost and Found. (And NO, I’m not talking about her eternal virginity). 

In a classic little scene, Jessica calls Vampire Pam to ask for advice on her little problem.  Just like her maker, Vampire Pam apparently never learned not to talk with her mouth full.  She picks up the phone right in the middle of doing something that rhymes with  . . . bug crunching?

“Oh, don’t be such a prude, TV Recapper!  I was eating out!  What’s the big deal?”

Vampire Pam basically tells Jessica not to worry about the whole Missing Person Thing.  “No body, no problem,” she says, more or less.

Later, however, Vampire Jessica is visited by that Pesky Vamp, Franklin Mott . . .

 . . . who, apparently, has a gift for her . . . the severed head of that Missing Dude she killed!   (Hoyt found the rest of his body, buried in Bon Temps).   Mott basically plans to blackmail Vampire Jessica — keeping her murderous tendencies a secret, in exchange for information on Vampire Bill. 

(Uh . . . Franklin, that was a nice “gift” and all, but I think she would have preferred a necklace . . .)

Miscellaneous Plot Points

Before I get to the episode’s “Big TWIST,” let’s get the other minor storylines out of the way . . . . 

First, Jason Stackhouse is HOT!

But, you knew that already . . . What you didn’t know was that he wants to become a cop!

NO!  Not an angel!  I said a COP!

But he couldn’t go through with the application process, because he kept seeing bullet holes in people’s heads, as a result of his guilt over killing Eggs.

Sheriff Budd randomly quit the police force, because he got tired of looking at dead bodies.  That means that this guy will probably end up in charge . . .

Arlene is pregnant, which means the stupidest baby in Bon Temps is about to be born . . .

But it’s not Terry’s . . . which begs the question, “Who else, in their right mind, would screw Arlene “So I Married a Serial Killer” Fowler?”

Sam’s family is a bunch of alcoholic hicks . . . and his biological brother and dad hate him. 

But at least he looks nice with his shirt off . . .

Finally, Eric gave Lafayette a hot new car, so he could conduct his V-dealing business in style.

Lafayette is thrilled.  Wouldn’t you be?

Vampire Bill is Turning Heads Everywhere He Goes!

Back at the Big GayVampire King of Mississippi’s house, Russell “stops, drops, and rolls” burning Lorena up in an expensive rug. 

Talbot is PISSED!

King Russell then more or less threatens to harm Sookie, if Bill doesn’t leave Queen Sophie Anne’s “kingdom” in Louisianna, and pledge “fealty” to him in Mississippi.  That morning(?), while Bill is sleeping, he flashes back to his early “baby vamp” days, when he visited his wife (that chick who played Ryan’s one time GF Lindsay on the O.C.) . . .

 . . . and learned that his son died of “the pox.”  When Bill cries tears of blood over the loss of his child, his wife freaks out and shoots a hole in his arm.  Giving Bill her best “I told you so,” face, Vampire Lorena, convinces him to glamour his wife so that she forgets about his reappearance.  “Vampires will only cause humans pain.  The only way we can show love for humans, is by leaving them,” she says, more or less.

Pained by the memory of his wife, Bill walks downstairs and immediately agrees to be Vampire Russell’s b&tch for all eternity.  When Lorena comes by to gloat . . .

. . . Vampire Bill screws her, while trying to rip her head off.  But instead of breaking her neck, he ends up twisting her head around, like she’s some perverse pornographic Gumby doll.

It’s gross!  But Lorena doesn’t seem to mind.  In fact, mid screw, she tells Bill, “I still love you.”

Except, Bill can’t hear her . . . because her head’s on backwards . . .

Tune in next week, when Alcide will, hopefully, takes his shirt off, and allow me to recoup on my bet.  Because I could really use the cash . . .

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Everybody Wants Sookie (or should I say . . . SOOKEH!) – A Recap of True Blood’s “Beautifully Broken”

Well, would you look at that?  It’s a gay vampire riding in on a white horse to “save the day!”  (Insert sexual euphemism and/or cheesy pun here.)

Did I miss something?  Did Valentine’s Day come early this year?  Because there sure was a lot of LOVE in this episode.  And I’m not just talking sex either.  (Sadly, there was none of that.) 

I’m talking about that real mushy gushy stuff.  The kind of “stuff” that would make you drop someone’s favorite beverage at their doorstep a few minutes before dawn (Hoyt and Jessica); or write a list about why you’d be a good father to their kids (Terry and Arlene – He passed anger management and tamed an armadillo); or babysit a drunk (Andy and Jason); or save a person’s life (Lafayette and Tara); or feel “disturbingly human.” (Sookie and Eric)

So, what you do you say, we get this  lovefest started?

Things That Go Growl In The Night . . .

“Mmmm, Eric, your breath smells refreshingly minty.  What toothpaste do you use?

“AB – Negative.”

When we last left our good pal Sookie, her and Vampire Jessica were “feeling” Bill.  Their “feelings” let them to a crashed car, with a werewolf corpse inside.  Operation Werewolf markings were on both the body and vehicle.   Despite having little luck previously, Sookie, armed with new intel, decided to take another shot at asking Vampire Eric for help in finding her Bill (or should I say “Beaaal” like she says it).  At Fangtasia, Sookie tells Eric about the whole werewolf thing, and initially, he seems unimpressed.  “Your obsession with Bill Compton is going to get you killed,” he says matter-of-factly.

But then Sookie, wisely, does the same thing I do whenever I get pulled over by a cop for suspected speeding (not that it happens often, mind you) . . . She cries!

Oh no!  Not like THAT!  That’s real crying!  Ugly crying!  That NEVER works . . .

Ahh . . . much better!  Good form, Sookie!

Although his facial expression never changes, you can tell that Eric, in his own sexy vampiric way, is highly moved by Sookie’s tears.  “Please don’t do that,” he says without affect, “It makes me feel disturbingly . . . human.”

WOO HOO!  Sookie and Eric sitting in a tree,  K-I-S-S . . .Sorry, got a little carried away for a moment there.  I’m back now . . .  

Dejected, Sookie leaves Fangtasia with a final plea to Eric that he help her find Bill.  At first, it seems as though Eric has no intention of helping Sookie.  Once she is out of sight, he crumbles up the paper she gave him with werewolf intel, and tosses it aside.  But then . . . suddenly, he’s in Germany, in a Nazi uniform, and guess who’s there?

It’s GODRIC!  He’s ALIVE!  I mean . . . DEAD . . . I mean .  . . undead?

Actually, the answer is none of the above.  Godric (played by Allan Hyde) is still very dead-dead, which means this is a World War II flashback.  Apparently (as Eric explains to Sookie later), Operation Werewolf had some sort of connection to the Nazis back in the day, but they, like the vampires, were around long before that. 

In the flashback, a she-wolf eats an American solider.  Eric and Godric come upon her, and Eric attacks the she-wolf.  She claims they are on the “same side.”  Eric disagrees.  (Nice to know my lover isn’t a real Nazi.  That would have been a bit of a turnoff, I think .  . .) 

Like the “Operation” Werewolves in present day, She-Wolf seems a bit hopped up on vampire blood.  She begs Eric for a drink.  And, although Godric cautions against it, Eric complies.  But then She-Wolfs goes apesh*t, and Vampire Eric has to finish her off.  Godric doesn’t like that at all, and he gives Eric a real judgy look.  Parents . . . they’re no fun at all . . .

Later, Jason comes over to Sookie’s house to play.  She tells him how much she misses Bill, and the way he says “Sookeh!”  (Great impression, by the way!  Way to go Anna P!  Bet you and Mr. Moyer were practicing that one in bed!)  She then tells him about the existence of werewolves.  He’s thrilled!  “Does that mean Bigfoot is real too?  SANTA?!”  He asks, excitedly.

 Awww!  Jason!!  Sweet, hot, dim-witted Jason!  I already saw this scene in the promos for the show.  But it still made me giggle and squeal like a little school girl the second time around!

When Sookie arrives at work, she finds herself stalked by a real creepy looking werewolf.  But he disappears before she can get a good look at his ugly mug.  That night, ANOTHER werewolf breaks into Sookie house.  Fortunately, Eric comes to the RESCUE!

There were a ton of great scenes in this episode, but I’m pretty sure this second Sookie / Eric scene of the evening was my favorite, for obvious reasons.  Eric arrives at Sookie’s door and inquires after the intruder.  He then tells her that he lied to her earlier, and comes clean about the whole “Operation Werewolf ” thing.  “Why are you telling me this now?”  Sookie asks.

“Because circumstances have changed . . . I have no interest in rescuing Bill.  In fact, it would be advantageous to me if he were never to return.  However, now they are coming after you .  . . and I . . .”  Eric hesitates, unsure of the proper words.  (He seems almost . . . disturbingly human.)

” . . . my objective was to protect you from danger, not increase it.  Your life is to valuable to throw away,” he finally concludes.

“What do you want me to do?”  Sookie whispers.

“I want you to invite me in, so that I can protect you, and have passionate, primal sex with you.  Hopefully both.”

Sookie seems taken aback by his request, a bit angered by his boldness, and more than a little turned on by the sexual proposition (REMEMBER “stamina” is Eric’s middle name). 

A much stronger woman than I am (You had me at primal sex, Eric!), Sookie insists she still belongs to Bill.  Eric concedes that is true.  They talk a bit about the difficulties of Sookie’s relationship with Bill. 

Suddenly, Eric gets up in Sookie’s face and demands he be invited in.  Sookie begins to argue again, but notes the new insistence in his voice, and ultimately invites him inside.  At that same  moment, a werewolf enters the home, braced for attack. 

Eric bares his fangs, and Sookie grabs her gun and shoots, just as the werewolf begins to pounce . . .

Andy and Jason = BFFs Forever

 Cutest couple EVER!

While Sookie and Eric are battling werewolves and flirting shamelessly with one another, another adorable twosome is navigating the waters of a new and beautiful friendship.  If you recall, Andy has taken the rap for shooting Eggs, even though Jason ACTUALLY shot him, in order to protect his big cuddly loverboy, Andy. 

But now, Andy is being hailed as a hero, an Jason is a bit jealous.  The elder Stackhouse copes with his feelings just like everyone else in this town seems to  . . . by getting wasted, of course!

“I keep trying to be good and do the right thing,” slurs Jason.  “But I always end up doing the wrong thing.”

Andy doesn’t know exactly how to respond to this sudden drunken show of emotion by his bromantic buddy.  So, he does what any good boyfriend would do in this situation, he compliments his pal’s good looks.  “You’re prettier than most girls!”  Andy offers optimistically!

You can say THAT again!  Andy!

But Andy doesn’t say it again.  Instead, he tells Jason that he could do anything he puts his (admittedly small) mind to, as long as he applies himself.  Andy then drags a drunken Jason along with him to a nearby trailer park called “Hot Shot,” where some guy named Calvin Norris is suspected of having a meth lab.  While Andy is attempting to chase down the suspect, Jason comes across one of the few girls out there, who may actually be just as pretty as Jason, himself . . .

Jason tries to talk to Miss Pretty (Lindsay Pulpisher, playing the new upcoming role of Crystal Norris), but she runs away before he can get many words in.  This gives Jason just enough time to tackle Calvin Norris for Andy and save the day!  We knew Andy was right about Jason being pretty.  But, it looks like he was also right about that whole “applying himself” thing.  Who knew?

Vampire Jessica Makes Bill a Grandpa!

 

“Crap!  I’m a mom!  But, how can that be?  I thought I was supposed to be a Virgin for all eternity!  Is this like Divine Conception, or something?”

Vampire Jessica is a bit distracted.  You see, she ate this guy, and fed him her blood.  And now he’s rotting  and decaying, and stinking up her coffin, not to mention her “dad’s” entire house.  So, it’s understandable that she’s not exactly in the mood for nookie.  So, when Hoyt arrives at her home, with a six pack of her favorite brand of True Blood, in hopes of reconciling, she’s a bit less than friendly.

To Hoyt’s credit, he gives this really great heartfelt speech to Vampire Jess, about how he understands why she tried to eat his mother, and how the two of them can fight their flawed natures together.  Vampire Jess is clearly moved by the speech.  But she’s so horrified by the heinous murder she committed, and embarrassed by her stinky home, that she pushes Hoyt away.  And I felt so bad for the poor guy, I literally almost cried. 

Convinced that her “victim” is “Dead-Dead,” Vampire Jessica begins to make plans for his proper disposal, even going as far as to rent a chainsaw to hack up Dead Guy’s body parts (Mmmmm, yummy!)  However, when she returns to the basement that evening, the body is GONE!

Lafayette and Tara Meet Mysterious Men / Decide Life is Worth Living . . .

Surprising precisely NO ONE, Lafayette rescues Tara from her half-hearted pill-swallowing suicide attempt.  Hoping to keep her from trying to off herself again, Lafayette takes Tara to a surprisingly classy mental hospital where Lafayette’s (extremely sharp and witty for a crazy gal) mom is currently residing . . .

Lafayette’s mom (Alfre Woodard) tells Lafayette that he was “killed” when he came out as being gay.  He claims Tara was “killed” too.  “Almost,” replies Tara, quite truthfully. 

Neither Lafayette nor Tara say much to Mommy.  After all, Lafayette didn’t really want to see her, he just wanted to use her to teach Tara a lesson.   Namely, don’t go nuts like my mom, or I’ll lock YOU away too!  Lafayette DOES exchange quite a few words with this guy, however . . .

 . . . his mother’s caretaker, Jesus (played by Kevin Alejandro).

No, no . . . not that one. (It’s pronounced Hay-soos.)

And based on the close talking and lascivious looks these two were giving one another, you just KNOW they are going to hooking up sometime real soon!  It’s HIGH TIME our boy Lafayette got some loving!  After all, he hasn’t had Vampire Eric’s blood in a while, and he REALLY needs something new to dance about . . .

Back at Merlotte’s, a mysterious vampire approaches the bar.  In hopes of making small talk, Tara tells him that she wants to kill herself.  (Very nice, Tara!   What a conversationalist you are!  It’s a real wonder you’re still single!)  Fortunately, for Tara (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), the new vampire dude . . .

 . . . who we know from promos is Franklin Mott (played by James Frain), is unperturbed by Tara’s admission.  In fact, he’s so unperturbed, that later that night, he holds some drunk dudes upright while Tara kicks the crap out of them for fun.  Ahhh . . . young love! 

The Family That Shifts Together, Stays Together . . .

 

“Oh, don’t worry!  This is how we greet ALL of our long lost relatives, down in Hickville!”

After being held at gunpoint by a man who ends up being his biological brother, Tommy (Marshall Allman), Sam is led inside a shabby home.  There, he reunites with his worse-for-wear mother and father.  As it turns out, both Mommy and Tommy Merlotte (well . . . Mickens, actually) are shifters, like Sam, while his father is “normal.” 

Sam’s Mommy cries a bit (but the tears are no where near as pretty as Sookie’s, and therefore, are less, effective) about how she didn’t mean to give up Sam and blah, blah, blah . . .  Sam’s a bit resentful about being put out to pasture to fend for himself as a child, but remains remarkably polite to his trashy bio parents.

The same cannot be said for Sam’s brother, Tommy, who instantly resents him for intruding on his “happy family.”

But then, suddenly (almost TOO suddenly), Tommy wants to make friends.  His olive branch of peace?  “Let’s go for a run,” offers Tommy.

Sam immediately takes off his shirt, and I get excited . . .

But then he turns into a dog . . .

Oh well . . . can’t win em all!

Tommy turns into a dog too.  But he’s this weird funny looking bull dog thing . . . not cute at all.  While the two are out running, a car conveniently swerves into their path. 

 “Miraculously” Tommy has enough foresight to turn into a bird and fly away before the car can hit him.  Sam fares slightly less well, rolling out of the way, just moments before becoming road kill.  The bad news is, his brother clearly tried to kill him.  The good news is, Sam wound up naked in the bushes, as a result.  SO HOT!

Who Knew There Were So Many Good Recipes You Could Make with Blood?

And lastly, we have Vampire Bill and his bloody journey to Mississippi.  It looks like Alan Ball has heard our complaints.  He seems to be totally intent on making Bill Compton more interesting this season. 

 Last week, Bon Temps’ Dullest Vamp starred in that hot gay dream with Sam.  This week, he BIT OFF SOME DUDE’S EAR!  (Now, that’s not very “Southern Gentleman” like, now is it?)  Upon finding Vampire Bill looking like an extra in a zombie movie, Big Gay Vampire King Russell Edgington (Denis O’ Hare) . . .

 

 . . . lectures head werewolf Coot (Grant Bowler) on letting his men feed on Vampire Bill.   He then disposes of the remaining werewolves (aside from Coot).   Finally, in yet another homoerotic scene that would not seem at all out of place on the cover of a romance novel, Russell invites Vampire Bill aboard his massive white steed . . .

Russell brings Vampire Bill back to his bedroom his mansion.  It is there that Bill is introduced to Talbot (played by Theo Alexander), Russell’s lover, as well as home decorater, in-house chef, and host extraordinaire. 

I haven’t known this character long, but already I ADORE him!  In sheer queenishness, Talbot could give Lafayette a real run for his money.  Here’s hoping Talbot ditches old fogey Edgington, and heads to Bon Temp for some Lafayette-flavored loving SUPER soon! 

While Bill and Russell talk business in a way that is polite, while still filled with thinly veiled threats, Talbot regales them with a four course meal that includes, blood sherbert, blood soup, the blood of some Thai boy, and blood from a woman who eats nothing but Tangerines.  Take that lame True Blood bottles from Merlotte’s!

Russell meanwhile has a proposition for Vampire Bill.  If Bill spills the information he has on Queen Sophie Anne, Russell will give him the position of Sheriff of Area 2.  Apparently, Russell would like to marry Sophie Anne, in order to increase the size of his dominion.  He believes that having some blackmail material under his belt, might help him to persuade her to enter into the union.  Bill claims he has no information on Sophie Ann.  However, Russell begs to differ. 

Russell insinuates that Bill initially traveled to Bon Temps on orders from Sophie Anne.  We later learn that Russell has hired someone to search Bill’s home back in Bon Temps.  There, the searcher finds a drawer full of personal information about Sookie. 

Could Bill have seduced Sookie solely on Sophie Anne’s request?  Is there whole relationship a LIE?  If such a development means Sookie will dump Bill’s ass and run straight into Eric’s arms, I say, BRING IT ON, BABY!

When Bill fails to respond to Russell’s insinuations, the Big Gay Vampire King resorts to threatening Sookie’s life (by sending werewolves to her home perhaps?).  That’s when Bill gets angry!  It’s also when his maker Lorena magically appears . . .

And Bill responds by doing what fans of the show have wanted him to do to Lorena since she first appeared . . .

He throws a lamp at her head and SETS THE B*TCH ON FIRE!

Dammit, Bill Compton!  Stop making me like you so much!

That’s all I’ve got folks.  All in all, it was a stellar second episode, in my opinion.  Quick-moving, well-plotted, and jam packed with sexually tense Sookie and Eric goodness — exactly how I like my True Blood!

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True Blood Season 3: Anatomy of an AWESOME New Promo!

I’m with you, Lafayette!  That’s how I felt, after I watched this video TOO!

If you’re a True Blood fan, and you’ve stopped by this blog, during the past few weeks or so, you know that I have been getting particular joy out of “leaking” the Drop of True Blood minisodes, on here, about a week before they air live on HBO.  What you DON’T know, is that I have also been trolling YouTube for solid promos for the show’s upcoming third season.  Unfortunately, the ones I’d been finding, up to this point, had been a bit, forgive the expression, “bloodless,” lasting, on average, about 35 seconds, and showing little more than a teasing scene or two. 

So, you can imagine how THRILLED I was, when I was randomly flipping channels this evening, and, entirely by accident, came across this gem . . .

(Special thanks go out to TrueBloodItalia for posting this, allowing embedding, and, basically, making my night!)

Color me impressed!  HBO gave us A LOT to work with here, especially considering that the season premiere is still about three weeks away.

Let’s analyze, shall we?

:5 – We open with a far away shot of an unidentified shirtless man.  I’m going to take a shot in the dark here, and guess that it’s Vampire Bill.   As Shakira once said, “The pects don’t lie.”  Or, was it hips?  I don’t know.  It was definitely something about a hot body part telling the truth . . .

:14 – Eric to Sookie:  “You’re so blinded by your obsession with Bill Compton, that you are going to get yourself killed.”

Translation: “I love you, Sookie!  Toss that Old Dead Windbag to the curb and give a tall Viking Vampire some hot lovin’!”

OK, maybe that translation was a bit of a stretch.  But I’m a Sookie / Eric Shipper all the way!  And I was HIGHLY satisfied with all the screen time that these two had together in this trailer!  I mean, you have to LOVE Eric Northman.  He’s cocky!  He’s confident!  He does that seductive “eye thing,” when he’s trying to infuriate / seduce Sookie . . .

In short, he reminds me VERY MUCH, of another television vampire that I adore . . .

:16 – Eric to Sookie:  “You’re life is too valuable to be thrown away!”  (OK.  I didn’t even HAVE to translate that one.  It was Eric/Sookie Shipper Friendly, all on its OWN!)

:21 – Here, we get our first shot of new True Blood character, Franklin Mott, played by James Frain . . .

The casting call sheet described him as an “older vampire and love interest for Tara” . . .

That description is consistent with a character of the same name, who appears in the third book of the Southern Vampire Mysteries, Club Dead, on which this season’s True Blood is purportedly based.  However, based on the few scenes I have seen involving this character, my impression is that the show will offer a darker interpretation of Franklin Mott than the one depicted in the book.  The scenes between him and Tara, seem less like love and more like rape / torture.   Tara, honey, I love you, but you have some BAD taste in men and friends (cough, Maryanne from Season 2, cough)!

:22 – Case in point, that was some UNSEXY sex, if you ask me!

:23 – Don’t you hate it when you’re in some backwoods town, and some dirty hillbilly puts a huge shotgun in your face?  Because it happens to me ALL THE TIME . . .

WOW!  Does that screencap look 3D, or what? 

:25 – 27 –  It looks like this little scene was our introduction to two more new True Blood characters, namely Sam’s little brother, Tommy Merlotte, played by Marshall Allman .  . .

 .  . . and Mommy Merlotte, played by J. Smith Cameron . . .

These two DIRTY-UP nicely, don’t they?  Who knew levelheaded Sam had such Trailer Park Trashy roots? 

:33 – This is what happens when Baby Vampire’s Makers go away!  It makes Good Vamps go Bad!  (Isn’t that the name of a Cobra Starship song?)

:34 – Ahhh, Pam!  Same trademark Laura Bush-style wardrobe, same snarky attitude.  Kudos to the producers for wising up and FINALLY making Kristin Bauer a series regular . . .

:37 –  Eric to Sookie: “Invite me in!”

Ooh, la la!  Close talking!  Intense looks!  He’s trying to rescue her from WEREWOLVES!  My Relation-Shipper senses are all a-tingly!

:50 –  This exchange between Sookie and her brother Eric?  Comedic Gold!  Just look how EXCITED Jason gets, when faced with the possibility that Santa might actually be real  . . .

I heart Ryan Kwanten!

: 57 – WOAH!  Who’s that slut rubbing up on Vampire Bill?

:59 – OK, boys, this is a classic example of what NOT to do when kissing a girl!  Check out Tara’s look of utter revulsion, if you don’t believe me . . .

1:06 – Welcome back, Andy Bellefleur!  Have you lost weight?

More Andy and Jason antics in Season 3  = EVEN MORE COMEDIC GOLD!

1:14 – Eric to Sookie:  “You’re no good to Bill or to me, if you’re dead.”  (Alexander Skarsgard looks good, even when his mouth is caked with nasty blood and guts.  Now THAT’S the mark of a REAL MAN!) 

1:19 – Here’s our first shot of Joe Manganiello, as Werewolf Alcide Herveaux.

Did you notice how he totally looked Sookie up and down, as he said “Eric Northman sent me to look after you.”  (Sheesh, is there ANY man on this show who DOESN’T want Sookie . . . aside from her brother, of course ?)  It looks like these two will be headed on a road trip to Jackson, Mississippi to “collect Bill.”  And we all KNOW that naughty things have a tendency to happen on ROAD TRIPS . . . 😉

1:23 – Holy, Biker Bar, Batman!  Did I accidentally flip over to Sons of Anarchy on FX, and not realize it?

1:31 – Meet Big Gay Vampire King of Mississipi, Russel Edgington, played by Denis O’Hare.  Observe the most unattractive facial expression on the planet . . .

1:32  – Awwww, puppy!

Come on, those CGI graphics are WAY TOO CUTE to be a werewolf!

1:37 – Here’s a shot of Bad Ass Werewolf Biker Dude, Coot, played by Grant Bowler . . .

Nice abs!

1:39 – Speaking of abs, Vampire Bill .  . . have you been working out?

1:41 – Stop, Drop, And ROLL, Random Burning Man!

1:42 – Do I really need to explain my inclusion of this picture into this post?  I didn’t think so . . .

1:43 – This picture goes out to my new blog pal, Buddy, who says I ONLY show Shirtless Men pictures on My Blog . . .

I’m pretty sure this is ANOTHER dream sequence .  . . The question is:  Is it Sookie’s dream, or Eric’s, or BOTH?

1:47  – Speaking of “Santa,” I’m pretty sure Christmas came early this year.  After all, I was able to get a screencap of THIS blink-and-you’ll-miss-it shot from the promo!

1:48 – Four out of five dentists recommend flossing, at least once a day . . .

Vampire Bill just ate the fifth dentist . . .

1:55 – Bill to Sookie: “Do not try to find me.  I do not wish to be found!”  (Bill, sweetie, with men like Eric and Alcide on her side, why would she even WANT to find you?  Be careful what you wish for, Mr. Compton . . .)

There you have it,  the True Blood extended promo in a nutshell.  Lots of new characters and werewolves, a TON of shirtlessness (both male and female), a boatload of sex, some blood, and MORE than a handful of Sookie and Eric moments, to boot . . . What could be bad?

True Blood premieres Sunday, June 13th at 9 p.m. on HBO,  be there or . . .  well .  . . having seen THIS trailer . . . do you REALLY need any MORE reasons to watch?

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