“A long time ago, we used to be friends . . .” – Thoughts and Speculation on The Veronica Mars Movie

 

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Unless you happen to have been living under a rock this past week, you’ve probably heard a little something about the Massively Successful Kickstarter Campaign to convert Veronica Mars from long-defunct television series to Movie for the Me Generation.

 

So, now that us long-time VM fans finally have our movie, the logical next question is: “What’s it going to be about?”

Series creator Rob Thomas has wasted little time providing us with a surprisingly detailed answer to that probing question.

A 10-year high school reunion?  A high-profile celebrity murder?  A “friend” of Veronica’s accused of a crime he (probably?) didn’t commit?  It’s like all the best plot points of Season 1 of the series, rolled into one awesomely pint-sized package!  Kind of like Veronica herself .  . .

 

 

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And let us not forget the most important thing.  Logan Echolls . . . he’s SINGLE ladies!

 

 

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Having a Dead Girlfriend will do that for you . . .

Now, while the general film plot points are already in place, there’s still quite a bit of speculation to be had, about what sort of things we can expect to see in this film.  Of course, certain aspects of the film are already a given.  Here are a few things I am 100% positive will appear in the Veronica Mars Movie:

 

 

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1) Cast Cameos Galore

Nothing says fan-backed film like a full-on cast reunion.  Obviously, no Veronica Mars film would be complete without the likes of Logan Echolls, Keith Mars, Wallace Fennel, Mac Mackenzie, Dick Casablancas, and Weevil.

But what about fan favorites, like the hilariously ruthless Vinnie Van Lowe?

 

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Deputy Leo (or as many of know him better, Schmidt from New Girl)?

Logan’s troubled sister, Trina?

That hilarious chick from Freaks and Geeks?

And JONATHAN TAYLOR THOMAS as The Crooked CIA Agent, who inadvertently brought about the first Logan/Veronica kiss?

 

 

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But with every character we’d love to see return to the series, there are a few we’d just as soon relegate to the video vault, never to be seen again . . .

Like, for example, almost all of Veronicas and Logan’s annoying (why even bother trying) temporary love interests . . .

Piz . . .

 

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Parker . . .

Hannah . . .

That Drug Dealer Dude, who dated Veronica for three episodes . . .

Pretty much, all of Wallace Fennel’s love interests . .  .

 

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That character played by that chick from The Hills .  . .

 

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And the “B from Apartment 23” (Sorry Krysten Ritter!)

 

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2) Celebrity Cameos that (hopefully) do not include Paris Hilton

Though the Veronica Mars cast was mainly comprised of young, talented, unknowns, who were still waiting to get their feet wet in Hollywood, quite a few well-established actors made notable appearances on the show, including, but not limited to .  . .

Leighton Meester . . .

Kevin Smith . . .

Paul Rudd . . .

Michael Cera . . .

Alyson Hannigan . . .

and Joss Whedon . . .

We already know from Rob Thomas that Logan will be dating a pop star.  Wouldn’t it be great if a real-life pop star took on the role, in a self-deprecatingly exaggerated version of herself?  Someone like Carly Rae Jepsen, perhaps, or Taylor Swift, maybe even Britney Spears . . .

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What celebrities would you like to see featured in the new Veronica Mars movie?

3) Veronica Mars’ trademark snarky voiceover narration

One of the things I always adored about Veronica Mars as a character, was her distinctive voice. When done incorrectly, voiceovers can be an annoyance, distracting from, and hindering the main plot, with needless exposition.  But, somehow, Rob Thomas managed to make Veronica Mars’ voiceovers a welcome, and necessary, addition to the series.  They made you feel closer to the main character, almost like you knew her personally.  I’m hoping that Thomas opts to continue this trend, during the film.

 

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4) Oodles of Super Sweet (but not too sappy) Daddy / Daughter moments

Most shows geared toward a teen audience tend to substantially minimize the roles of any character over the age of 30.  Parents usually exist on these shows, solely as an impediment to the action of the main plot.  They ground the characters, to prevent them from going to the parties they need to attend.  They disapprove of their significant others.  They razz them about their grades and poor school attendance.

Not so, for Veronica Mars.  As a young P.I., adults were an integral part of Veronica’s world.  They were her clients, suspects in her cases, and, sometimes, they were her friends.  But no adult was more important to Veronica’s life than her father, Keith Mars.  There was just something so real, and authentic about this daddy/ daughter relationship.  Unlike many TV parents, Keith Mars was a good dad.  He cared about his daughter, and related to her, not only as a guardian, but also as a friend, confidant and colleague.

Now, that Veronica herself is an adult, I can only imagine that her and Keith Mars will come to regard one another even more as equals.   And I look forward to seeing their relationship develop, during the film.

5) Flashbacks, flashbacks, and more flashbacks . . .

Since one of it’s main characters was a corpse . . .

Veronica Mars was a TV series that spent a lot of time in the past.  Hazy, dreamlike flashback scenes, became a mainstay of the show, often offering important insight into current character motivations, and, sometimes, even invaluable clues for solving the murder mystery at hand.

Considering that The Veronica Mars movie will be taking place ten-years after the series’ conclusion, I suspect we will be treated to plenty of flashbacks that will fill in the blanks as to what Veronica, Logan and company have been doing during all these long, lost years . . .

6) Off the charts LoVe sexual tension!

Ahhhh, LoVe . . . sweet, sensual . . . dysfunctional, destructive .  . . LoVe.  It’s no secret that I’ve always been a big fan of this pairing, which still ranks right up their in my uber competitive list of the Top Ten TV Couples of All Time.

LoVe fans were left with a bit of an ambiguous ending for this star-crossed duo, in the series finale of the show, which left off with the characters definitively separated from one another, but still making googly eyes at one another from across a crowded lunchroom . . .

 

 

Based on the premise of the film, Veronica and Logan have not yet experienced their happily ever after.  We learn right off the bat, that Logan has been in as series relationship with someone else.  And Veronica’s love life, for the time being, still remains a mystery.

 

 

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But with a 10-year high school reunion looming large over their heads, and Logan in desperate need of Veronica’s sleuthing services, one can only imagine that this scorching couple will be falling into one another’s orbits once again.  And we all know what happens when these two come into close contact with one another . . .

Here are a few other VM plot points that may / or may not make their way to the silver screen:

1) A Surprise Mac / Dick Coupling?

She’s a cynical computer whiz, raised by a blue-collar family,  despite having come from silver spoon roots.  He’s the arrogant, airheaded son of a white collar criminal, and the brother of a murderous sociopath.

A match made in Heaven, this was certainly not . . .  And yet, there was just something about these two that made you wonder if Rob Thomas was contemplating coupledom for them, had the series continued on for a fourth and fifth season.

Perhaps, The Veronica Mars Movie will enable these polar opposites to finally attract . . .

2) A Ghostly Lily Visitation?

Though virtually unknown as an actress prior to receiving her role as the mysterious, complex, and deeply flawed, Dead Best Friend Lily on Veronica Mars, Amanda Seyfried is now, pretty much a household name, having landed major movie roles in films like Mean Girls, Les Miserables, and the critically acclaimed television series, Big Love.

 

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When your character is killed off a television show, bringing you back for the reunion is always a challenge.  But if there is a way to do it, rest assured Rob Thomas will find it .  . .

 

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3) Veronica’s return to Mars Investigations?

Given how heavily Veronica’s FBI aspirations were featured in the show, and how much time she spent working as a private investigator for her father’s firm,  I was a bit surprised that that Rob Thomas ultimately decided to make her a lawyer.  For one thing, it’s a pretty hefty departure from Thomas’ original ideas for the show’s fourth season.

 

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I’m thinking there’s a sob story behind this radical career change.  And if that’s the case, there’s a strong possibility that Veronica’s film happily ever after might set her back on her original path . . .

Speaking of Happily Ever Afters . . .

4) Love for Keith Mars

From alcoholics to married women to Wallace’s mom, Keith Mars was no stranger to messy, doomed, relationships.  Will The Veronica Mars Movie finally bring TV’s Favorite Dad his perpetual Plus One?  Here’s hoping . . .

And finally . . .

5) A Veronica / Logan Endgame?

 

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Movie makers are artists.  But they are also, to some extent, hired hands, who are struggling to earn a paycheck, just like the rest of us working stiffs.  I’m sure you’ve all read the stories about the film creator who was forced to compromise his vision at the hands of the Big Studio Suits, whose hands were holding the purse strings.  Substitute those four or five Big Studio Suits for 55,000 intense TV fans, and you’ve got an idea of what Rob Thomas is up against, when he’s deciding how to properly conclude the Veronica Mars saga.

 

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Given that, I honestly can’t imagine a scenario in which Rob Thomas doesn’t conclude this film with a Veronica and Logan Happily Ever After.  And, I for one, am THRILLED that this is the case . . .

But here’s the thing, when you care about a TV couple, as much as I care about Veronica and Logan, you want what’s best for them.  So, my hope for this story, is that the inevitable Veronica and Logan reunion is written in such a way that feels authentic and true to the characters . . . not like something that was just slapped on to the end of the movie, because the writers felt like that was what fans wanted.

Obviously, a Veronica and Logan coupling is going to have complications, given the amount of offscreen time, during which they’ve presumably been apart.  And, of course, let’s not forget, the whole, “Logan’s Got a Dead Rockstar Girlfriend” thing . . .

 

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Of course, we’ve survived Logan’s Dead Girlfriends, before.  Despite Lily remaining a strong presence in both Veronica’s and Logan’s lives, the writers somehow managed to make the development of Veronica’s romance with her dead best friend’s ex-boyfriend feel genuine and not cheap.  But can lightening strike twice in this spot, especially when so much time has past?

 

All fingers crossed . . .

So, tell me, Veronica Mars fans, what kinds of things are YOU expecting / hoping to see in the upcoming feature film?

 

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

Veronica Mars Meets Mad Men Meets Rich People You Hate Taking Your Money and Laughing About It – A Brief Look at the Pilot Episode of Showtime’s “House of Lies”

As you may or may not have noticed,  I haven’t been around much lately.  Now, I can make up a bunch of fairly lame excuses for this.  But I won’t, because you’re smart enough not to believe most of them. 🙂

Basically, the reason I haven’t been blogging this past week or so, is because I have fallen into the Vast Wasteland that is Winter Hiatus Television.  And I can’t GET OUT!

Man, it’s dark and dismal out there, in the world of repeats, countless Christmas movies starring Mario Lopez, and infomercials for Forever Lazy!

The one item of clothing capable of making a Snuggie look chic and fashionable by comparison.

Useless as the state of prime time TV has become of late,  I find myself spending a good deal of the time I usually spend watching television shows and writing about them doing productive things with my time, like charity work, training for triathalons, and socializing with Real Live Human Beings refreshing the homepages of ew.com and tvline.com, in hopes of finding spoilers for The Vampire Diaries and Gossip Girl. 

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Pathetic?  Yes!  Ashamed?  No sir!  Do you know why?  Because trolling the interwebs, has enabled me to find the pilot for a BRAND NEW SHOW!

The show is called House of Lies, and it premieres on January 8th on Showtime.  Don’t have Showtime?

Worry not!  Because you can watch the entire pilot episode, RIGHT HERE, ON THIS BLOG.  Though, admittedly, they cut out all the good stuff, like the cursing . . . and the naked people.  But mostly it’s naked women, so if you are a straight girl, like me, you probably won’t mind much. 

The show is, more or less, about these fast-talking, manipulative, take-your-money-and-run, high-powered management consultants, and how they bilk wealthy douchebag companies out of their not-so-hard-earned cash, in ways that are entirely legal.  (Honestly, I’m not quite sure who you are supposed to be rooting for, in this scenario.)  Showtime, of course, has a bit more to say about the premise of the show.  So, if you are curious, you can check out the official website here.

House of Lies is loosely based on a book of the same name written by THIS GUY . . .

Hey, at least he’s honest!

Therefore, it is probably not surprising that the main character of the show is a man named Marty Kaan, which, is probably the way Martin Kihn’s clients say his name, after they’ve had a few drinks, when they aren’t calling him “Asshole” of course.   What might surprise you though, is that Marty Kaan is played by THIS GUY . . .

The resemblance is striking.  Don’t you think?

Yes, fellow film fanatics.  The handsome man pictured above is Don Cheadle, otherwise known as that Actor From Every Oscar-Award-Winning Movie You Ever Saw . . . and, of course, Hotel for Dogs. 

To be completely honest, though, Don Cheadle wasn’t who brought me to this show . . . She did . . .

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That’s right!  Kristen Bell is in this show . . . a.k.a. Veronica Mars . . . a.k.a. one half of one of my favorite TV Couples of ALL TIME

Between you and me, I have a bit of a girl crush on Kristen Bell . . .

Not like that!  (Get your mind out of the gutter!) 

So, much of a girl crush, in fact, that I even enjoyed THIS adorably heartfelt, and yet, at the same time, gut-wrenching and utterly disturbing, music video . . .

While Bell’s character, Jeannie Van Der Hooven, is neither quite as edgy, nor as spunky, as a certain high school detective we all know and love, she does share some of that trademark sarcastic wit, acerbic nature, take-no-prisoners attitude, and hidden vulnerability, with her slightly more youthful alter ego.

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As a Veronica Mars fan, I found this kind of refreshing.   It was almost as if House of Lies took place in some alternate universe, where Lily Kane never died, Keith Mars kept his job as sheriff, and Veronica graduated high school as a better dressed, if a tad less accessible, “Niner” who had her sights set on business school.  (If you’ve never watched VM, feel free to disregard this entire paragraph, as it probably makes no sense to you, whatsoever.)

 

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Also starring in House of Lives is Dawn Olivieri, a.k.a. one of Damon’s many dead ex girlfriends from The Vampire Diaries . . .

R.I.P. Andie Starr 

Dawn plays Marty’s drug addict ex-wife and business rival, Monica.  Three seconds into the pilot these two are already buck naked . . . if you’re into that sort of thing . . .

 Hmm . . . I wonder if there will be biting involved, in future episodes?

Now, that I’ve given you a rundown on the cast, you are probably wondering what I actually thought of the pilot.  Here’s what’s interesting . . . for the first, I’d say, ten minutes or so, I wasn’t a fan.  Mainly, I think, this had to do with a certain annoying little gimmick employed by the writers, way too frequently, during the first third of the show.  I’m, of course, referring to those instances during which Cheadle’s character would literally FREEZE TIME, in order to break the proverbial “Fourth Wall,”so as to define a particular term for the viewing audience that didn’t really need to be defined, or explain something to them that didn’t particularly need explaining . . .

It was pedantic, annoying, and made me feel like I was watching Sesame Street for Rich People, or a really cheesy sitcom from the early 90’s.

And then, weirdly, about 15 minutes into the episode, this gimmick completely disappeared . . . almost as if the writers forgot they were doing it in the first place.

I also wasn’t entirely sold on Cheadle’s character.  He seemed smarmy, but not in a particularly funny, or likeable way . . .

NOT Don Draper . . .

Yet, despite all that, I found the pilot to be REALLY funny.  I laughed out loud more than once, which, is unusual for me, when watching a TV show.  Two subplots . . . one involving “Marty’s” son auditioning for a school production of Grease, and another involving a . . . um . . . double date, were particularly amusing.

That’s where House of Lies pleasantly surprised me.  For a seemingly sleek, “adult,” pay cable show, about arrogant greedy rich people, House of Lies was more screwball, and a bit more campy, than the glossy advertising, and designer-suit wearing cast would have you believe.  This is a show that definitely doesn’t take it self too seriously . . . a quality that more television programs could stand to adopt, nowadays.

And it’s that aspect of the show that’s convinced me to give it a second chance . . . (also, because Veronica Mars is in it, obviously).  (But they REALLLLY have to get rid of that Freeze Frame Tutorial Thing, IMMEDIATELY!)

Thanks Mr. Chead . . . er . . . I mean Marty.  I never would have remembered to do that, if you hadn’t held up that handy dandy sign for me to read.  🙂  So, without further adieu, I present to you, the pilot episode of House of Lies . . .

 

If you have a spare half hour or so, give it try.  Because it sure beats watching It’s a Wonderful Life for the 85,000th time .  . . .

Happy viewing!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

TV Couples Showdown: Veronica and Logan (of Veronica Mars) versus Caroline and Tyler (of The Vampire Diaries)

Last week, I thoroughly entertained myself, by conducting a fairly in-depth comparison two of my favorite television couples, Pacey and Joey of Dawson’s Creek, and Damon and Elena of The Vampire Diaries.  In fact, I was SO entertained, that I thought it might be fun to try again, with two other television couples I have to come to adore, namely, veteran couple, Logan Echolls and Veronica Mars of Veronica Mars, and newbie couple, Tyler Lockwood and Caroline Forbes of The Vampire Diaries. 

As you can see, Caroline is a HUGE LoVe fan!  So, she is very excited about this.

(Special thanks for this post go out to the veronicamars tumblr, for many of the fabulous GIFs and screencaps you see here; and to my brilliant blogger pal Cherie, for her inspiration, and for allowing me to pick her brain on many occasions, regarding what makes both of these couples tick.  Oh . . . and you know the drill on the YouTube videos.  Most of them aren’t embedded. So, just click on the internal links and ENJOY!)

Tyler Lockwood and Logan Echolls —  Poor Little Rich Sheep in Wolves’ Clothing

Regarding Logan Echolls, in the pilot episode of Veronica Mars, Veronica can be quoted as saying, “Every school has an obligatory psychotic jackass.  And he’s ours.”

Given that Logan bashed in the headlights on Veronica’s car with a crowbar, shortly thereafter, we certainly can’t blame her for making such a harsh comment toward her future soulmate.

One might argue that, had we asked Caroline who the “obligatory psychotic jackass” in her school was, at least during the pilot episode of The Vampire Diaries, she probably would have said, “Tyler Lockwood.”

And though Tyler didn’t bash in the headlights on anybody’s car, he DID bully young Jeremy Gilbert, and date rape Vicki Donovan . . .

Perhaps, Logan and Tyler are such major asshats when we first meet them, because of their startlingly similar upbringings. 

Both teens are extraordinarily wealthy.  Logan’s father is a famous, award-winning, actor.  Tyler’s father is the Mayor of Mystic Falls.  Both dads are TOTAL jackasses, who emotionally abuse their sons, and beat the crap out of them, on a regular basis.

At school, Tyler and Logan would both be considered “popular,” though whether said popularity is attributed to their “pleasing personalities,” or their wealth and, tendency to beat up others who disagree with them, is arguable.  Nonetheless, at the start of their respective series’, both Tyler and Logan have hot girlfriends, with matching reputations for “putting out.”

Tyler’s girlfriend was Vicki Donovan.  She was eventually murdered by Damon Salvatore.  Then turned into a vampire. 

Vampire Vicki was then murdered again by Stefan Salvatore (but he only did it in self-defense).  To make a long story short: Vicki’s DEAD!

Logan dated Lilly Kane. 

Lilly screwed Logan’s dad (Ewww!) . . . and videotaped it.  So, Logan’s dad killed her. 

Unlike Vicki, Lilly only died once . . .  (though bloody incarnations of her appeared throughout the series; so, it felt like she died multiple times).

Following the deaths of their first loves (slutty though they may have been), both Tyler and Logan experience a run of bad luck.  And each blow they receive causes them to feel even more vulnerable and alone.  Tyler’s father dies in what he believes was a freak fire (he was actually murdered by some Angry Tomb Vampires) . . .

Logan’s mom commits suicide, by jumping off a bridge . . .

Logan learns his dad killed his girlfriend.  And, to add insult to injury, he just so happened to be porking her at the time.  Tyler learns his dad was a WEREWOLF!  And, to add insult to injury, because Tyler killed someone accidentally, he’s going to become a WEREWOLF TOO!

As you can probably tell. by now, these are some SERIOUSLY DAMAGED DUDES!  And it’s going to take a pair of really special ladies to fix their wagons up right! 😉

Caroline Forbes and Veronica Mars:  Spunky Blondes with Major Ass-Kicking Capabilities

In addition to being blonde and petite, Veronica and Caroline possess many similarities to one another.  For starters, they were each the daughter of a Town Sheriff.

As for Caroline’s and Veronica’s other parents (Caroline’s dad and Veronica’s mom, respectively), they were more or less, absentee.  Caroline’s dad left Caroline’s Sheriff Mom for another man.  (Yep!  That’s gotta hurt!)  Veronica’s mom left Veronica’s Sheriff Dad because she was an alcoholic depressive, who was unable to cope with family trauma.

When their series’ began, both Caroline and Veronica were dating sweet, but kind of bland boys, who just so happened to be best friends with their respective eventual soulmates.  Caroline dated Matt Donovan (brother of Dead Vicki) . . .

Matt and Tyler were best friends.

Veronica dated Duncan Kane (brother of Dead Lilly) . . .

Duncan and Logan were best friends.

Before the series began, both Veronica and Caroline were rather naive and innocent, and had little to worry about, aside from what they were going to wear to prom . . .

 . . . or whether they would win the local beauty pageant . . .

But then, things happened in both of their lives, that forced them to reevaluate their priorities.  Veronica’s best friend died.  And as a result of the murder investigation that followed, her father was shunned by the community, and lost his job as sheriff.  She was then dumped by her boyfriend, and all of her rich friends, and date raped at a party.

As for Caroline . . . well . . . she was in a near-fatal car accident, then killed by a girl who looked JUST like her best friend.  And then . . . she became a vampire.

The teens’ respective experiences forced them to grow up fast.  It made them wiser, tougher, and a bit more jaded about the world around them.  But it also caused them to become fiercely protective of the ones they love.  In other words, Caroline’s and Veronica’s trials and tribulations prepared them for the intensely dramatic (and sometimes traumatic) romantic relationships into which they were about to enter . . .

Love Begins . . .

Tyler and Logan came to Caroline and Veronica, when both were at extremely vulnerable places in their lives.  Logan refused to believe that his mother had committed suicide, and, knowing that Veronica had a knack for private investigation, begged her to help him learn the truth about what really happened to her.

Tyler came to Caroline, upon learning that he was a werewolf, because she seemed to know more about his condition than he did himself.  Since Caroline was a Baby Vamp (a fact she later reveals to Tyler) she has some idea what he’s going through, and promises to help him cope with his first Full Moon Transformation . . .

Both Caroline and Veronica are there to support Tyler and Logan, when their respective research projects result in them learning some SERIOUSLY BAD NEWS.  Logan is forced to come to terms with the fact that his mother has, in fact, committed suicide, and is not merely hiding from her husband, as Logan originally suspected . . .

(Hey, did you catch how Big Sis Trina called Logan’s dad, The Big Bad Wolf?  Now if that’s not a Tyler parallel, I don’t know what is!)

For their part, Tyler’s and Caroline’s research turns up a DVD of a VERY PAINFUL werewolf transformation, as experienced by Tyler’s cousin Mason.  Tyler realizes to his horror that the awful experience he just witnessed on his computer screen is inevitable for him . . .

On the day of the transformation, Caroline accompanies Tyler to an underground dungeon, and supports him through the whole horrifying ordeal, hugging him, and whispering to him calmly, as he writhes in pain. 

 

Caroline does this, despite the fact that, with every extra second she remains in that dungeon, the amount of danger she is in increases tenfold  . . .

When it is all over, Caroline’s is the first name Tyler calls . . .

After going through such intense experiences together, it is inevitable that these two pairs will couple.  And so, both women are eventually rewarded for supporting their Vulnerable Bad Boys, with Ambush Kisses .  . .

“Our First Kiss Won’t Be The Last”

When a good girl rescues a bad boy, it is only natural that he rescue her right back.  In Veronica’s case, Logan beats the crap out of an undercover FBI agent who’s sort of / kind of kidnapped her . . .

The incident culminates in Veronica’s and Logan’s first kiss.  She kisses him chastely at first to show her gratitude for the rescue attempt.  Logan’s return kiss is MUCH more aggressive (and WAY hotter)!

 As for Tyler saving Caroline, and kissing her . . . well . . . neither event has actually occurred on the show as of the date of this blog entry.  HOWEVER, during the preview for The Vampire Diaries’ January 27th episode, entitled “The Descent” we DID see Tyler promising Caroline that he would do ANYTHING for her.

(Brought to you by the F-Yeah Tyler Lockwood Tumblr!) 

Later in the same episode (at least, according to that AWESOME promo), Tyler follows through with his promise, by giving Caroline EXACTLY what she needs .  . . a big juicy AMBUSH KISS!

Yes, boys and girls.  When it comes to Tyler and Caroline, things are DEFINITELY headed in the direction of love . . . or should I say LoVe!

Other Similarities

Aside from having similar beginnings, the parallels between Logan’s and Veronica’s relationship and Tyler’s and Caroline’s are simply not to be ignored!  Check out the couples’ mutual love for “playing dress-up” . . .

 . . . and um . . .  undress . . .down?

As for Caroline and Veronica, both are VERY feisty!  And neither is afraid to kick her boyfriend’s ass, when he deserves it . . .

(from TVD gifs)

And I guess . . . on occasion, they also kick the asses of people who aren’t their boyfriends .  . . at least, when the situation requires it.

Unfortunately, Veronica’s and Logan’s story is already over . . .

But Caroline’s and Tyler’s is JUST BEGINNING!

And, while we don’t know exactly where Baby Vamp Caroline and Baby Were Tyler will take us in the upcoming TVD seasons, if their predecessors, Veronica and Logan are any indication, we can be sure, that it will be EPIC . . .

[www.juliekushner.com]

Anatomy of a Trailer – Burlesque

The way I see it, Burlesque, the upcoming movie / musical starring Christina Aguilera, in her big screen debut, will either be truly spectacular . . .

 . . . or ridiculously bad.

The film follows Ali (Aquilera), as she escapes from whatever podunk town she came from, and heads off to Hollywood with big dreams and little cash.

View from a dirty bus window.

She finds a job as a waitress at a struggling night club, called Burlesque Lounge, run by Tess (Cher).  And . . . well, I’ll let you see for yourself .  . .

:32 – “When you are putting on your makeup, it is like you’re an artist.  But instead of painting a canvas, you are painting a face.”

 . . . or, in Cher’s case, a face made of canvas.

So, after seeing Cher in this trailer, I’ve come to two conclusions: (1) She looks pretty good.  Her face really hasn’t changed that much since the 90’s . . .

(2) The reason Cher’s face hasn’t changed since the 90’s, is that it hasn’t moved since then.  Did you watch that scene where she was putting on her makeup?  I felt like I was watching an expert ventriloquist!

Bet you can’t guess which one is real?

:49 – “Great enthusiasm, terrible timing.”

It looks like Stanley Tucci will be playing the role of the “man behind the older woman” . . .

 and the “staunch supporter / behind the scenes mentor” of the younger one. 

It’s The Devil Wears Prada all over again.

:57 – Kristen Bell is in this movie!

I heart her, even when she plays mean and unlikeable characters . . .

  . . . and it seems like she will be playing one here too.

1:02 – “The question is, do you have the talent?  Because you’re on . . .”

Hey, that was Cam Gigandet!

What?  You don’t remember CAM?  Sure you do!  He was the douche responsible for Marissa Cooper’s death on The O.C.  . . .

 . . . and the douche who wanted to beat Sean Farris to a pulp in Never Back Down .  . .

 . . . and the douche who wanted to eat Bella in Twilight . . .

In fact, Cam’s “Douching Schedule” was SO uncompromising, that he rarely had time to put on a shirt . . .

 .  . . which is why I love him!

1:12 – “What happened to all the great dancers in L.A.?” 

             “They’re all Dancing with the Stars.“

I think this was meant to be somewhat of an inside joke, as Dancing with the Stars’ Julianne Hough is said to have signed on to  this film.

It seems a little odd that they didn’t put her in the trailer, though.

1:17 – “What is she doing up there?”

The Genie in a Bottle dance, perhaps?

1:27 – “Nobody can tell you.  You gotta make me believe that you belong on that stage.  That it’s yours, and that nobody can take it from you.  Now you want to show me something?  Show me THAT!”

WOW, Cher, I’m so inspired now!

I might even start taking violin lessons — on a tiny violin, kind of like the one I heard playing in the background, during that speech you just made.

1:46 – And there are those infamous Aguilera pipes we’ve come to know so well. . .

Too bad she’s dressed like a bachelor party stripper . . .

1:48 – OMG!  It’s Alan Cummings!

This guy kinda scares me.   But I can’t remember why . . .

Now I remember . . .

1:51 – McSteamy ALERT!  McSteamy ALERT!

Hold on to your panties, ladies.  Because they are about to fall . . .

2:07 – “Clearly, one of us has underestimated the other.”

Oooh!  I smell a Cat Fight!  And I don’t know about you, but my money is on Veronica Mars!

She’s small, but scrappy.  Then again . . .

This could actually be a real toss up.

2:16 – Aww Cam!  I knew you wouldn’t let me down!

2:24 – “Alice?  Well, welcome to Wonderland.”

Burlesque dances into theaters on November 24, 2010 (Thanksgiving).  Will YOU see it?

[www.juliekushner.com]

OMFG? Not so much . . . – The Top Ten “Been There, Seen That” Teen Television Cliches (Part 2 of 2)

A couple of days ago, I came up with a list of the top ten plotline cliches featured in teen-oriented television dramas.  In the first installment of this blog entry, I posted the first five of these cliches.  That list included: (1) the Pregnancy Plotline; (2) the Death of a Peripheral Character Plotline; (3) the Student / Teacher Relationship Plotline; (4) the Cheating on a Test  / Plagiarism Plotline; and, finally, (5) the “Bad Influence” Plotline.

This installment will focus on the following popular Teen Television Cliches: (1) the Love Triangle; (2) the Summer in Europe; (3) the Love / Hate Relationship; (4) the School Ski Trip; and, of course (5) the Prom.  So, without further adieu, what do you say we take off our creative thinking caps, embrace conformity, and get started?

1) “Can’t we all just . . . have a threesome, instead?” – The Love Triangle Plotline

The Storyline:  Girl meets boy.  Boy is attractive. 

Boy is also nice and sweet, albeit a tad boring (and, sometimes, a bit of a whiny b*tch). 

Or, conversely, Boy is total douche; 

but Girl’s parents love him;

He looks “good on paper.”

and Boy is sure to make Girl a very wealthy, but very bored, housewife, some time in the not-so-distant future, if she plays her cards right.

But then . . . Other Boy magically appears.

Unlike the original Boy, Other Boy is a little dangerous . . .

Maybe he’s from the wrong side of the proverbial “tracks” . . .

Or, perhaps he has a reputation for being a bit of male slut . . .

 . . . or a criminal.

 Or maybe he has a bit of a mean streak, so Girl isn’t sure she can really trust him.

But there is just something about the way Other Boy makes Girl feel . . .

She smiles and laughs more when she’s around him. 

(Click the internal link to watch.)

He makes her more fun!

And Other Boy continues to believe in Girl, and support her, long after everyone else has seemingly abandoned her (including the original Boy).

So, what’s a Girl to do, when she wants them both?

Who does she choose?  Well, that depends on the season . . . the Television Season, that is . . .

Examples: Joey, Pacey, and Dawson (Dawson’s Creek); Veronica, Logan, and Duncan (Veronica Mars); Marissa, Ryan, and Luke (The O.C.); Elena, Damon, and Stefan (The Vampire Diaries); Rory, Jesse, and Dean (Gilmore Girls); Blair, Chuck, and Nate (Gossip Girl); Peyton, Lucas, and Nate (One Tree Hill); Emma, Sean, and Peter (Degrassi: The Next Generation); Felicity, Ben, and Noel (Felicity); Casey, Cappie, and Evan (Greek); Lyla, Tim, and Jason (Friday Night Lights)

Why it’s a cliche?  Three words (One of them is a contraction).  Because . . . It’s . . . AWESOME!

When it comes to successful teen drama plotlines, The Love Triangle, is a surefire WIN!  After all, what girl wouldn’t want to have two totally hot guys, who are complete opposites of one another fighting over her!  Aside from allowing female fans to vicariously fulfill their deepest fantasies, Love Triangles provide the added benefit of making Teen Television watching a TEAM SPORT!  Boys have football and basketball.  Girls have  THIS . . .

Yes, boys and girls, choosing sides in a Love Triangle War is SERIOUS business!  (Girls have been shot over WAY less!)  Don’t believe me?  Check out the sheer intensity of THESE fan-fueled debates  . . .

About Blair, Chuck and Nate. 

About Elena, Damon, and Stefan

About Felicity, Ben, and Noel . . .

(The above video debate between these two twenty-somethings kind of goes off the rails, after the first five minutes.  But I love their obvious enthusiasm for a show that’s been off the air now for nearly a decade!  I also love their accents . . . and the very impressive “Portrait of Ben” one of them created.  Scott Speedman, himself, would be proud!)

2) “Go to Europe . . . because no one could possibly ‘find themselves’ in the States!”  – The Summer in Europe Plotline

“When in France, do as the French do . . . French kiss!”

(Here we go again!  Internal link clicking time!)

The Storyline: It’s close to the end of the Season.  Our female protagonist’s life is a mess!  It’s just jam packed with unresolved love triangles, family issues, and massive blowout fights with former friends.  And what better way is there to deal with all of your problems, than to run away from them?  So, our female protagonist jaunts off to Europe (usually Paris), leaving pining boys and cliffhangers in her wake . . .

 Once there, our female protagonist sees the sights . . .

and miraculously FINDS HERSELF!  When she comes back, she’s a COMPLETELY different person, than when she left.  Who knows?  She might even have a new completely random, doesn’t belong on the show at all boyfriend!

Examples: Serena and Blair (Gossip Girl); Joey Potter (Dawson’s Creek); Brenda and Donna (90210); Holly (What I Like About You)

Why it’s a Cliche?  The main character’s temporary departure from his or her home base is a great way to bring about a Teen Television Drama’s summer hiatus.  If us fans are forced to spend an ENTIRE summer away from our beloved gang of characters, at least we can sleep better knowing that they aren’t hanging out with one another EITHER!  Plus, filming a scene or two “across the pond” makes for a great excuse for the show’s writers to say to their producer, “I’d like an all expense paid European vacation, please.  What!  It’s for THE SHOW!”

A summer in another country is also a pretty good excuse to suddenly change the entire personality and demeanor of a character, without any rational explanation whatsoever .  . .

“I got my new girlfriend and a frontal lobe lobotomy in Prague.  Doesn’t everybody?

3) “He Loves Me  . . . He Hates My Guts . . . He Loves Me . . .” – The Love/ Hate Relationship Plotline

The Storyline: He’s a playboy, and a real ladies man.  But he comes across as mean, and kind of shallow.  She’s a Type A personality, who comes across as cold and a bit uptight. 

They butt heads from the moment they first appear on screen together.  They fight, and call eachother names.  They insult one another, and play nasty tricks on eachother. 

But there is a passion boiling beneath the surface, that both he and she are trying desperately to deny. 

At the time, he and she are both involved with other people.  Their significant others notice the sexual tension laced beneath their supposed hatred, and try in vain to ignore it.  But the tension only grows.  Jealous and longing looks become prevalent.  Lingering touches, and moments of out-of-character “niceness,” between the two make each member of the pair begin to question their feelings. 

The guy in this scenario typically recognizes his feelings for her first. 

(You know the drill . . .)

But he usually keeps this to himself, out of fear of being ridiculed by the new object of his desires.  Then the two are placed in a dramatic situation.  Suddenly their mutual passion for one another overtakes them.  And they both give in to their desires.

Examples: Joey and Pacey (Dawson’s Creek); Buffy and Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer); Veronica and Logan (Veronica Mars); Seth and Summer (The O.C. – sort of . . . well . . . she hated him); Elena and Damon (The Vampire Diaries); Blair and Chuck (Gossip Girl)

Why it’s a Cliche?  You know how everyone always talks about how hot Makeup Sex is?  A couple fights, and then they make up.  All that angst and sexual energy, built up from all that red-faced arguing, is just kindling for the inevitable Orgasmic Fire of “Getting Back Together.”  And THAT’S from a fight that might last a day!  You can just imagine how hot Makeup Sex would be if the couple fought nonstop for TWO SEASONS!

4) “When the temperatures get COLD, the action gets HOT!” – The Ski Trip Plotline

The Storyline:  I’m going to be honest, this one was less of a “storyline” and more of a “plot convention.”  (Hey!  YOU try to come up with ten of these things . . . It’s not as easy as it looks.)  But did you ever notice how virtually EVERY teen drama features at least one ski trip?  BIG THINGS always happen on ski trips too!  People get drunk, get laid, get raped, or cheat on their significant other!   And someone ALWAYS hurts their foot, and conveniently can’t ski!

Examples:

Dawson’s Creek:

Jenn hurts her foot, gets wasted, and almost screws Gay Jack. 

Pacey and Joey do it for the first time!

Boy Meets World:

Cory hurts his foot too!  And makes out with Linda Cardellini!

Other fabulous shows featuring wild and crazy teen ski trips include Degrassi: Next Generation (Darcy gets date raped), and What I Like About You (Holly comes to terms with her feelings for Vince).

Precisely NONE of these characters were ever shown ACTUALLY skiing . . .

Why it’s a Cliche?  There’s just something about being away from home and your parents . . . about sleeping in a log cabin, right next to the fire.  You relax.  You let your guard down.  You get a little slutty and make bad choices.  (Except in the case of Pacey and Joey . . . that choice was GOOD!)  Plus, it’s WAY cheaper to film on location in some fake ski lodge than say . . . taking your entire cast and crew to Europe.

5) “Question:  What happened at Prom?  Answer: EVERYTHING!” – The Prom Plotline

The Storyline: It’s the event of the WHOLE season!  The entire cast will be in attendance!  But not everybody is going with the person they WANT to be going with. 

 A couple will break up.  A couple will get back together. 

Someone will win prom queen. 

 

Someone’s heart will be broken. 

A couple will finally do it. 

Another couple will ALMOST do it, but decide to wait . . . Oh, and someone will get wasted and make an ass of herself.

Examples: Dawson’s Creek, The O.C., 90210, Veronica Mars, Gossip Girl

Why it’s a Cliche?  For every high school girl, the Prom is the culminating social event of her entire pre-college academic career.  Even the most jaded of high school students (and I, myself, was already pretty jaded by that time) can’t help but dream of having the perfect dress, the perfect limo, the perfect Prom date, and the perfect slow dance.  For most of us, with all that build up and preparation, Prom itself ends up being pretty anti-climactic.  (The Post Prom Beach Trip, on the other hand . . . now, THAT ROCKED!).  But if we CAN’T have the perfect Prom, at least we can get the joy of seeing our television friends experience it for us.

So, there you have it – Ten Trashtastic Teen Television Cliches for your viewing pleasure!  Doesn’t it all make you feel OLD?

 

“I Prefer MY Men Dark, Broody, and a Little Bit Evil.”. . . My Picks for TV’s Top Ten Brooding Bad Boys

 

What good girl doesn’t secretly want a bad boy by her side to rescue her from the monotony of a life spent being well-behaved?  Now, in the real world, dating a guy like this is the quickest way to a broken heart — if you’re lucky — and a black eye, the slammer or the morgue — if you’re not.  But in TV land, the girls who win the hearts of the baddest baddies fare quite well, actually (not to mention have the best sex lives)! 

 For girls like me, who are desperate to experience the thrills of the darkside, without any of the risks or guilt attached, TV Brooding Bad Boys are our salvation.    And because I am so grateful to these fictional bad asses, who’s mere existence has managed to keep me on the straight and narrow all these years, I have decided to pay tribute to some of the best ones in this post . . . 10 to be exact.  (They are in no particular order. although I may have saved the best for last.  After all, playing favorites with bad boys is the surest way to get burned . . . literally.)

1) Don Draper – Executive Bad Boy

TV Show: Man Men

Who plays him?  Jon Hamm

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Let’s see.  He accidentally killed the REAL Don Draper, and then stole his identity.  Now, he smokes and drinks like a fish (and usually drives afterward).  He also cheats on his (soon-to-be ex) wife . . . ALOT, sometimes with married women, sometimes with coworkers and/or his kids’ teachers, and sometimes with random flight attendants he meets on business trips.

Why he’s broody?   On occasion, Don actually feels guilty about all the sleeping around he does (It’s rare, but it happens).  He also had a miserable childhood, with a drunken dad who abused him mentally and physically, and a prostitute biological mom who named him after a private part.  To top things off, Don’s wife can be a real cold b*tch sometimes.  And despite being model gorgeous, she actually strikes me as a kind of snoozy lay.

Why we love him anyway?  Don Draper is nothing, if not flawed.  But he is also a brilliant ad man, with a keen sense of business acumen.  When he wants to be, Don is actually a pretty great dad to his kids.  But Don’s “parenting” goes beyond the walls of his home.  The advertising executive’s paternal nature extends to his younger colleagues, particularly Peggy Olson, whose ambition and intellect he encourages, and whose career got a jump start, thanks to his willingness to put his own job on the line for her.

2) James “Sawyer” Ford – Castaway Con Artist Bad Boy

TV Show: Lost

Who plays him?  Josh Holloway

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Sawyer made his living as a con man who bilked little old ladies out of their pension checks, and slightly younger ladies out of their inheritances and hard-earned dough.  On the island, he initially kept to himself (aside from the occasional fist fight).  Left to his own devices, he survived by hoarding his fellow castaways possessions (including some very pricey drugs, and quite an impressive weapons stash).  He also used Shannon’s painful and highly traumatic asthma attack as an excuse to get Kate to kiss him for the first time.  It was hot, but kind of heartless too . . .

Why he’s broody?  Like Don Draper, Sawyer had a pretty f-ed up childhood.  When Sawyer was a little kid, a con man bilked his parents out of their life savings.  Sawyer’s father became so depressed as a result, that he killed Sawyer’s mother before turning the gun on himself.  To make matters worse, Sawyer is stranded on a deserted island where he is constantly fending off the unwelcome advances of Polar Bears, sadistic birds, black smoke, and those wackadoo Others.  Oh, and did I mention the object of his desires keeps ditching him to make out with this lame ass pompous doctor?  You’d be pretty pissed off too . . . I bet!

Why we love him anyway?  Sawyer may be a con artist, and a thief . . . and he sure likes to beat the sh&t out of people!  But he looks GREAT with his shirt off!

As the seasons of Lost progressed, Sawyer also proved himself to be an excellent leader, and a staunch protector of those he loved, most notably, Kate, Juliette, and, yes, even Hurley.  He even stopped beating people up so much.  (Well, at least he was more selective about it.)  Oh, and the nicknames!  I loved all those nicknames!

3) Noah “Puck” Puckerman – Mohawk-Wearing Bully Bad Boy

TV Show: Glee

Who plays him?  Mark Salling

Why he’s a Bad Boy?   At the start of the show, Puck was your basic jock bully (with a mohawk, of course).  He LOVED tossing slushees in the faces of the Glee kids, and tossing nerds in the dumpster.  He also got it on with a quite a few of his mom’s friends.  But Puck’s worst offense, by far was screwing “Celibacy Club President Quinn,” while she was dating his friend.  He also kept their rendezvous a secret, even after Quinn became pregnant, and Finn agreed to take responsibility for Puck’s baby . . .

Why he’s broody?  You know, I could explain it to you.  However this video says it better, than I ever could . . .

Why we love him anyway?  Ummm . . . did you WATCH that video?  Did it not make you fall in love with Puck, and make you want to give birth to all of  his mohawk-wearing babies?  By the end of Season 1, Puck came a long way toward redeeming himself.  Not only did he stop throwing nerds into dumpsters, he also became really close with the Glee kids, most notably Rachel and Mercedes.  And when it came down to it, Puck really stood by Quinn, and supported her throughout her pregnancy, even going so far as to stand by her side, as she gave birth.  Now if that’s not a Redeemed Brooding Bad Boy, I don’t know what is!

4) Chuck Bass – Upper East Side Bad Boy

TV Show: Gossip Girl

Who plays him?  Ed Westwick

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Oh, Chuck!  How are you a bad boy?  Let me count the ways.  Before you met Blair Waldorf, you bedded so many random women, that you made Don Draper, Sawyer, and Puck look like priests. 

You tried to date rape Jenny Humphrey in the pilot episode (an incident we ALL wanted to forget about, and almost did, until you repeated the feat during the Season 3 finale.)  Along with Blair Waldorf and the rest of your Scooby gang, you have schemed (and succeeded) to ruin the lives of MANY of Manhattan’s elite, sometimes even those in your own social circle.  And you’ve callously broken Blair’s heart a few more times than us fans would have liked . . .

Why he’s broody?  Despite being born into privilege, Chuck hasn’t had the easiest life.  His mother died giving birth to him (or so he thought).  And Chuck’s father blamed him for his mother’s absence all his life, constantly denigrating the young man’s worth and ability.  Then his father died, which always sucks. 

On the romantic side of things, particularly in the earlier episodes, Chuck constantly found his love for Blair unrequited or blatantly ignored.  And once he FINALLY got her, Chuck had to keep screwing things up.  So  he lost her, over and over again, due to his own insecurities, hubris, and fragile ego.

Why we love him anyway?  He’s Chuck Bass!  The only man who can refer to himself in the third person constantly, without it ever becoming annoying.  And as cold and callous as he may sometimes seem, Chuck LOVES Blair, possibly more than any television character has ever loved another.  He loves her unconditionally, despite her flaws and idiosyncrasies.  Chuck is always willing to sacrifice his own happiness for Blair’s, as he does in this adorable scene.

(Click the internal link to watch.)

5) Ryan Atwood – “Bad Boy from the Wrong Side of the Tracks”

TV Show: The O.C.

Who plays him?  Benjamin McKenzie

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Ryan hails from Chino.  Based on what the show’s writers would have you believe, growing up in Chino makes you automatically bad news.  During the pilot episode of the show, Ryan got himself involved in a teensy bit of grand theft auto.  (It wasn’t really his fault, but still . . . .).

  Oh, and believe it or not, Ryan likes to beat the sh&t out of people EVEN MORE than Puck and Sawyer!  In fact, I’m pretty sure he did it at least once during every single  episode of The O.C!  If I recall, toward the end of the show’s run, he even got into cage fighting for a while, so that he could get PAID to beat the sh*t out of people.  Smart business move, Ryan!

Why is he broody?  NOBODY does broody like Ryan Atwood!  Don’t believe me?  Check out this clip from the show’s pilot episode . . .

This guy is the epitome of the strong, silent and ANGRY type.  And with good reason!  Growing up poor with an absentee father, a drunk mother, and a delinquent brother, Ryan didn’t have many opportunities growing up.  At least, that is, until saintly public defender, Sandy Cohen, took him into his home and under his wing . . .

Why we love him anyway?  Grand theft auto and butt-kicking notwithstanding, let’s face it, for a bad boy Ryan wasn’t .  . . all that bad.  He was sweet and protective of his friends, particularly Seth and Marissa, the latter of whom he got out of more jams than I can even count.  He also had this staunch code of honor and integrity, that he never seemed to waver from, no matter how far he got from his Chino roots. 

Sure, Ryan could be a little stiff and quiet at times . . . . OK .  . . most of the time.  But every once and a while, he would let loose and show his sweet side.  And when that happened, no heart was safe . . .

6) Alex Karev – Dr. McBad Boy

TV Show: Grey’s Anatomy

Who plays him?   Justin Chambers

What makes him a Bad Boy?  OK.  I’m not going to lie.  A lot of times Alex Karev can be kind of a dick, both literally and figuratively.  There was that one time, when he posted all those pictures of Izzie in her undergarments all over the hospital.  And that other time when he unwittingly gave George syphilis, by sleeping with the nurse he had a thing for.  Giving of STD aside, Alex was kind of mean to George in general.  He was always calling him names and denigrating his manhood, whenever he got the chance. 

Oh, and Alex cheated on Izzie . . . like A LOT!

Why he’s broody?  Alex had an abusive father, who beat the crap out of him regularly.  (Anyone else noticing a pattern here?)  He also has really bad luck with the ladies.  His girlfriend Rebecca went all crazy and bipolar on his ass.  The other love of his life, Izzie, cheated on him with a ghost (Oh, I am serious!).  She also got cancer . . . and he married her, thinking she was dying.   But then she went into remission . . . and then she inexplicably dumped his ass.  I think Alex has a right to be a little pissed off at the world?  Don’t you?

Why we love him anyway?  Alex is a fighter.  He speaks his mind, and tells the truth, when no one else has the guts to do it.  Plus, he’s an amazing doctor, who has a fabulous way with kids and teens, in particular.  Unlike some of the other doctors at the hospital, Alex speaks their language, and doesn’t talk down to them.  For that reason, they often trust and respect him.  And for a D-bag, he can be surprisingly sweet and romantic, as illustrated here . . .

7) Eric Northman – Immortal Viking Bad Boy

TV Show: True Blood

Who plays him?  Alexander Skarsgard

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Eric is a very old, and very powerful vampire, who always gets what he wants.  To him, humans are food to be consumed, and toys to be used for his amusement.  Eric is currently involved in the shady and underground business of selling highly addictive vampire blood to humans and other assorted creatures.  He’s betrayed his colleague Bill more times than I can count, in order to get what he wants.  He kidnapped Lafayette and beat him into submission, until the latter agreed to become one of his blood pedaling minions.  Eric also tricked Sookie into drinking his blood so that she would have hot sex dreams about him all the time.  (And that’s a BAD THING?)

Why he’s broody?  In truth, Eric’s not all that broody.   And if he was, he probably wouldn’t admit it.  But he does have a very soft spot for one Sookie Stackhouse, which has heretofore remains unrequited.   And Eric is not a man used to not getting his girl.  At the end of Season 2, we witnessed a vulnerable side to Eric that we hadn’t seen before.   He lost his beloved maker, Godric to the sun, and cried tears of blood to mourn the loss.  Thus, proving that even a “cold blooded” vampire like Eric can suffer from a broken heart.

Why we love him anyway?  Let’s face it.  Eric is just super sexy!  His witty banter with Sookie never fails to make me drool.  Eric also has a great sense of humor, and can lighten even the darkest of moments with his wit and charm.  Plus, Vampire Eric is a really good guy to have on your side, when you are faced with a group of evil supernatural creatures who wish you dead.  And you never know when that might come in handy.  Did I mention he would be an excellent accessory to any bathtub?

8 ) Logan Echolls  – Spoiled Little Rich Bad Boy

TV Show: Veronica Mars

Who plays him?  Jason Dohring

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Logan Echolls takes the term juvenile delinquent to a whole new level.  Like many on this list, Logan enjoys giving a good ass whipping, but that’s not anywhere close to the worst thing on his rap sheet.  Let’s see, during the show’s three seasons he (1) bashed the headlights on Veronica’s car; (2) brought GHB to a party; (3) blew up the local community pool; (4) orchestrated and videotaped “bum fights” for profit; (5) screwed his good friend’s mom and his girlfriend’s enemy; and (6) got himself arrested so he could beat up a known criminal who hurt Veronica. (I’m sure there’s more, but I only have so much blog space . . .)

Why he’s broody?  Logan’s dad was a famous actor, but also a sadistic psycho killer who slept with and then murdered Logan’s girlfriend, Lily.  Then his mother promptly killed herself.  Logan soon found himself to be a suspect in Lily’s murder.  Once he was cleared of that rap, he became a suspect in some gang member’s murder.  Then, later, he was a rape suspect. 

In fact, every time something bad happened in Logan’s general georgraphic vicinity, he became an automatic suspect.  After just a couple of episodes spent hating her guts, Logan fell in love with Veronica.  The problem was, there almost always seemed to be another guy (Duncan, Piz), another girl (Hannah, Kendall, Parker), another dead body, or another one of Logan’s bullheaded actions, standing in the way of the couple’s happiness.

Why we love him anyway?  Logan and Veronica were made for eachother!  Their witty banter was timeless.  Logan alone had enough one-liners to fill a Joke Bible . . .

 The sexual tension that emerged from Veronica’s and Logan’s once mutual hatred of one another could power cities.  No matter what the current state of their relationship was, Logan was always willing to risk everything to save Veronica, be it his happiness, his future, his life, or his freedom from legal prosecution. 

And what girl wouldn’t want that dedication in a guy?

9) Pacey Witter – Bad Boy from the Creek

TV Show: Dawson’s Creek

Who plays him?  Joshua Jackson

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Pacey was pretty much the worst student ever!  It was a wonder he even graduated!  He was also in many ways the ringleader of the Creek crew.  For the most part, they were pretty straight laced to the point of being kind of boring (I excuse Slutty Jen Lindley from this list of course).  But Pacey was always the one trying to lure them over to the darkside, with parties (gasp), and drinking (double gasp), and ditching school!  (OMG!) 

OK . . . so maybe he isn’t that much of a bad boy.  But I couldn’t imagine doing a “boy list” without including the boy that officially started my TV fangirl career.  And, of course, there was that time he banged his English teacher in the bushes and ended up inadvertently making a sex tape from it . . .

Why is he broody?  Like many of the boys on this list, Pacey is a product of a dysfunctional family — a drunken dad who abuses him, a brother who verbally berates him, and a mother and sisters who ignore him completely.  Due to his poor grades and upbringing, Pacey believes himself to be destined to a life on the Creek, doing menial labor for minimal wage.  To make matters worse, he spends a good portion of Season 3 head over heels in love with Joey Potter, a woman who he believes to be completely out of his league, and who also seems to be very hung up on his best friend, Dippy Dawson.

Why we love him anyway?  Pacey is by far, the kindest hearted, most romantic, sweetest, and most loyal boy on this entire list.  Not only did he beat up boys for his lover, Joey ( most of these guys did that at one time or another), he also took care of her when she needed a friend, taught her to drive, saved her family’s business, bought her a wall, picked her up from a bad date in the middle of the night, and took her on a three month voyage without ever pressuring her into sex.  In short, this man is MY HERO!

10) Damon Salvatore – The “I Like to Bite” Bad Boy

TV Show: The Vampire Diaries

Who plays him?  Ian Somerhalder

What makes him a Bad Boy?  What doesn’t make this guy a bad boy?  He’s a VAMPIRE!  He controls humans’ minds and drinks from them regularly.  He breaks peoples necks for no apparent reason at all.  He made Caroline his feeding vessel and sex slave for a couple of episodes.  

(Click the internal link to watch.)

 He tortured Vicki and made her think his brother, Stefan, was doing it.  Then he killed her. 

(No embedding on this clip either.  You know the drill.)

After that, he turned her into a vampire and she went nuts.  So he had to dispose of the body.  He also continually tries to steal his brother’s girlfriends.  (But we actually really like him for that .  . .)

What makes him broody?  Damon has been pining over the same girl for a century and a half!  (How’s that for dedication!)

So, he risks his undeath to find his dream girl, only to learn that she doesn’t want to be found.  His own brother basically tricked him into becoming a vampire.  And now that same brother is dating a woman who looks exactly like the girl he fell in love with all those years ago.  Did I mention that Damon is in love with this new girl too?

(Here we go again, click away . . .)

Why we love him anyway?  Damon is beautiful and sexy.  He is also strong, intensely masculine, and hilariously funny.  The elder Salvatore Brother really does try to protect Elena in every way he knows how.  Damon knows that Elena can redeem him.  And deep down, he truly wants to be redeemed.  Oh, and he looks really hot with his shirt unbuttoned. . .

So, there you have it, Ten Brooding Bad Boys viewed from the perspective of the blogger that loves them all.  In every life a little darkness must fall.  And if you have to have darkness, at least let it come in the form of a hot sexy man who loves you, like no one else will . . .

Sweet Dreams, fellow Good Girls!

[www.juliekushner.com]

Hot Summer Nights – The TV Sex-y Awards!

Well, summer’s definitely here, folks!  It’s almost 90 degrees outside, where I’m from.  And I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty hot and bothered.   So I figured, what better way to beat the heat OUTSIDE, than to steam things up INSIDE, where at least an air conditioner, and a few systematically placed ice cubes, can cool you off?

A few days ago, my blogging buddy, Amy, over at Imaginary Men, hosted something she lovingly referred to as the TV Boyfriend Olympics.  During said “Olympics,” Amy and a “distinguished panel of judges” voted on the best television scenes, featuring the TV stars we LOVED to watch get together and almost get together.  The sheer awesomeness of her post, and the undeniable guilty pleasure I had “judging” the scenes, gave me an idea . . .

So, this morning, while many of you were probably out on the beach, working on your tans, I was INSIDE, culling through hours of hot television sex scenes, in search of the most notable ones. (Or rather, the most notable that DIDN’T require me to register with YouTube as someone who likes “dirty” videos.  I’m pretty sure YouTube sends THAT registry list to the government  . . .)  It was a tough job, but someone had to do it . . .

So, without further adieu, here are my picks for the first annual TV Sex-y Awards.

The “Most Bizarre Place to Get Lucky” Award goes to . . . (drumroll please)

KATE AND SAWYER on LOST for “Bear Cage Sex.”

Don’t you hate it when you are trapped on on an island you THINK is deserted, but it actually ends up being filled with a weird group of Others who throw you in a cage, and force you to eat nothing but massive looking dog food crackers shaped like fish?  Kate and Sawyer actually don’t seem to hate it all that much . . . In a few moments, you will understand why.

Honestly?  I don’t understand how these two DIDN’T end up together, at the end of the series.  Can you imagine JACK SHEPARD doing it in cage?  He’d probably be too concerned with how many bacterial infections you could get from those steel bars, to really get in the mood.

“When is the last time you think they windexed those?  That dude with the beard just didn’t look very clean.  Maybe they’d be willing to give us some paper towels to put down first . . .”

The “Best Use of Camera Effects to Simulate Sex, Without Upsetting the Censors” Award goes to . . .

CHUCK and BLAIR on GOSSIP GIRL for “Limo Sex”

I remember literally drooling the first time I watched this scene, which took place during Season 1 of Gossip Girl.  In it, Chuck takes a highly vulnerable Blair to a Gentleman’s Club he wishes to purchase.  Once there, the typically buttoned-up and straight-laced, Blair surprises him, by getting up on stage and performing a tasteful, but highly provocative, strip tease.  During the limo ride home, the pair do it for the first time. 

Upon watching the scene again, I was surprised by how little the producers actually showed, sex-wise.  In fact,  when compared to many of the others scenes shown here, this one was surprisingly tame.  And yet, something about the scene made it seem deliciously X-rated.  I’m thinking it was the jump cuts and old-school video effects that caused us fans to imagine a raunchiness that wasn’t necessarily there.  Watch and you’ll see what I mean . . .

The “Best First Time” Award goes to . . .

PACEY and JOEYon DAWSON’S CREEK for “High School Ski Trip Sex”

I’m pretty sure the scene I’m about to show you RUINED virginity loss for young women everywhere.  Most first sexual encounters are awkward, painful and uncomfortable.  Joey’s and Pacey’s was PURE PERFECTION. 

After watching an entire season of longing looks and “Will they?  Won’t they?”  Followed by ANOTHER season of coupledom that was frequently marred by petty fights and the annoying romantic advances of boring hangers on (cough, cough Dawson cough), it was REALLY nice to see Joey and Pacey finally able to get some unadulterated loving.  And as for Joey’s pre-sex speech?  Well, foreplay just doesn’t get much better than that!

The “Most Realistic First Time” Award goes to . . .

SETH and SUMMER on THE O.C. for “Not-So-Hot at Having Sex”

He was desperately in love with her since the sixth grade.  She . . . thought he was a major loser . . . But then, he seemingly moved on.  And the thought of Seth dating another girl stirred up feelings in Summer that she didn’t know she had.  Remember how I said earlier that most “first times” are awkward, painful, and uncomfortable?  So was their’s . . .

The “Most Uncomfortable to Watch Sex Scene” Award goes to . . .

MEREDITH and GEORGE on GREY’S ANATOMY in “There’s No Crying in Sex!”

Speaking of awkward . . . how would you like it if you finally got the chance to do it with the girl or guy of your dreams?   But then, the mere thought of consummating a relationship with you made the object of your desire burst into tears .  . . and not tears of joy, either . . .

Note:  Asking someone if they are “almost done,” during sexual activity?  NOT A TURN ON!

The “Dirtiest (and not in a good way) Sex” Award goes to . . .

VAMPIRE BILL and SOOKIE on TRUE BLOOD in “Doing It with the Dead Sex”

Remember how I told you Dr. Jack Shepard from Lost would be too finicky to engage in Bear Cage Sex with Kate?  Well, you could just imagine how he’d feel, when faced with the prospect of banging a naked corpse in a cemetery, especially when said corpse had just spent the last several hours buried in the dirt.  In this next scene, Sookie, believing her beloved Vampire Bill to have died permanently in a fire, heads to his gravesite to pay her last respects.  It is there that she has a rather “unexpected” encounter . . .

The “Undead Dudes Make the Best Lovers”  Award goes to . . .

ELENA and STEFAN on THE VAMPIRE DIARIES in “I Love You, Even if You Are Old and Fangy, Sex”

My squeamish thoughts regarding the last video might give you the mistaken impression that I think sex with vampires is gross and wrong.  TOTALLY UNTRUE!  Sex with vampires can be unbelievably hot, particularly when the vampire in question has Hypnotic Arms of Steel, like Stefan Salvatore.  Watch and be entranced . . .

(This one is un-embedded, unfortunately.  Just click the internal link to see it.)

The “So Hot, We Wish it Wasn’t Incest” Award goes to . . .

BOONE and SHANNON on LOST in “Step-Sibling Sex”

You know who else plays a vampire on The Vampire Diaries?  THIS GUY . . .

Unfortunately, the sex scenes he’s been in on that show, so far, have almost universally involved, compulsion, violence, and girls that were NOT Elena.  But to hold a a TV Sex-y Award “show” and NOT include the Sex Master himself, Ian Somerhalder, would be pure sacrilege.  So, I figured, the least I could do was show a scene where he got it on with his sister.  Just TRY not to be aroused by this one . . . I DARE YOU!

The “Sex Scene That Made Me Hungry” Award goes to . . .

SERENA and NATE on GOSSIP GIRL in “Do You Really Expect Me To Put That in My Mouth? Sex”

“I can’t believe I ate the WHOLE thing!”

You see, to me, food and sex DON’T mix.  In fact, food is what you abstain from a few hours BEFORE sex, to avoid unfortunate incidents and “Pudgy Tummy.”  But, then again, I’m not Serena and Nate.  Is it wrong that, when I was watching this scene, I was paying more attention to the waffles and strawberries the couple was eating, than I was to the couple themselves?  Because, let me tell you, those were some JUICY strawberries . . .

(Yet another poopy non-embedder.  Click that link!  You won’t regret it!)

And, finally, The “Best Post-Coital Conversation” Award goes to . . .

LOGAN and VERONICA on VERONICA MARS in “We Just Did It.  Now Let’s Chat About Hookers Sex”

It’s fitting that the last award of the day would go to an “After Sex” scene.  And if any couple deserves a moment to lie together peacefully and spoon, its Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls.  Fans of Veronica Mars know that this couple’s “epic” relationship was most certainly never dull.  When these two weren’t bashing in the headlights on one another’s cars, getting eachother suspended for drug use on school grounds, protecting eachother from mobsters, rapists and serial killers, breaking eachother out of jail, and testifying in court against people who killed their friends, Veronica and Logan were just an ordinary couple looking for some “alone time.” 

Unfortunately, the show was only three seasons long.   And Veronica and Logan were “coupled” for less than half of it.  This didn’t leave much time for these two to do those “normal things” that most couples do.  That’s what makes the quiet and contemplative moment that the pair shares in this scene so special . . .

Well, there you have it folks.  This year’s First Annual TV Sex-y Awards has officially came and went.  I think I’m going to take a cold shower now . . .