Tag Archives: who killed Alison

“This site is cursed!” – A Recap of Pretty Little Liars’ “Stolen Kisses”

[Hey there, Werebangers!  Your recap for Teen Wolf’s “Battlefield” is on its way!  It should be posted by early evening, at the latest.  Thanks for your patience! :)]

Welcome back, my Pretties!  This week on Pretty Little Liars, Caleb and Aria both learn how “the other half lives” (and by “other half,” I mean “stinking filthy rich half”), Hanna reads a lot of really big words from a bunch of really little note cards, everybody and their brother hit on Emily, and a whole lot of people experience . . . wait for it . . . “stolen kisses.”

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P.S. WRREEEEEEENNN!!!! (Dude sure does get around, doesn’t he?)

Let’s review, shall we?

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“The Great Fitzy” by Ezra . . . Fitzgerald?

Ahh, Fitzy.

Technically, we’ve known the guy since the pilot episode.  And yet, he is still such an enigma.  I mean, sure, we know he writes crappy poetry . . . enjoys bike riding, while wearing scandalously short shorts . . .

On second thought, maybe not so short . . .

. . . keeps hairy limes in his fridge . . .

. . .  and has a psychopathic ex-girlfriend named Jackie, who occasionally makes him utter serial killer lines like this . . .

But what else do we REALLY know about this ex-high school English teacher, turned ex-college professor turned . . . future “journalist?”

Actually, this week we got to add quite a few important pieces of information to our dossier entitled “Fitzy.”  For instance:

(1) Interesting Fitzy Fact Number 1: His last name is actually “Fitzgerald.”

You know, like the guy who wrote “The Great Gatsby,” i.e. the book about all the rich, shallow and snooty people now a movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio.  This actually brings me to my next point . . .

(2) Interesting Fitzy Fact Number 2:  He’s actually filthy rich . . . or, at least, his parents are . . .

It looks like everyone’s favorite former teacher, has been holding out a bit on Aria  . . . dining on Ramen Noodles with her, and slurping generic brand soda, when they could have been eating caviar (which is, in his defense, is gross, anyway) and sipping champagne.  At least this kind-of / sort of explains, the unemployed guy’s recent penchant for expensive antique cameras, and fancy cars (though, of course, the jury is still out on those). . . .

Oh, and remember that time that Fitzy picked up Aria in a limousine for their “first date” to the Philadelphia museum?  Suddenly, that’s making a whole lot more sense too . . .

Of course, the discovery Fitzy’s flush finances brings about an even more interesting question.  Why does he live like such a poor slob, when he can live like a royal?  Yeah . . . about that . . .

(3) Interesting Fitzy Fact Number 3: Fitzy’s Mommy is the Rich B*tch Mom Archetype from Every Movie or TV Show You Have Ever Seen . . .

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.  Rich Boy / Girl falls in love with Not-so-Rich Girl / Boy, but Rich Boy / Girl’s parents don’t approve of the relationship.  So, they try to sabotage it in the only way they know how, by throwing money at the problem.  It’s pretty much the least original relationship storyline ever.

And yet, this particular tale of upper class meets upper-middle class “star crossed lovers” has much less to do with why Fitzy’s family sucks so bad, and more to do with what it says about Fitzy and Aria as human beings.  Those of us (myself included), who have occasionally criticized Fitzy for lacking a bit of a backbone, were undoubtedly pleasantly surprised this week, when he immediately stood up to his mother on Aria’s behalf, even if that meant shunning wealth and a family connection.  So, often in these type of stories, we see the “rich love interest” caving to his or her callous family’s demands.  Not so here.

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On another positive note, those of us who have occasionally criticized Aria for being a bit self-absorbed, were also pleasantly surprised to see her taking to heart some of the not entirely untrue criticisms Fitzy’s mom lodged at her, during the art benefit.  After all, while Fitzy did personally choose to continue to pursue a relationship with Aria, despite the risks it held for his teaching career, it must be said that had he never met or dated Aria, he’d still likely be teaching English at Rosewood.  Though it came from a judgmental and manipulative source, it was refreshing seeing Aria maturely evaluate the role she is playing in Fitzy’s life.  It shows just how much she really cares about him.

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You know, these two crazy kids  . . . well, this one crazy kid, and this other crazy adult . . . might just make it after all . . .

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A third refreshing turn of events in this storyline.   For once, Papa Montgomery actually wasn’t a total douchenozzle!  Way to be a decent dad, by reminding your daughter that she plays a positive role in her boyfriend’s life, despite the fact that said boyfriend is someone you, personally, hate.

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I’m still glad Mama Montgomery is dumping your ass for the American Pie Guy though . . .

In other relationship news . . .

If you wanna know, if she loves you so, it’s in her . . . flask?

Why is Emily’s Lost Night at the Gravesite storyline, suddenly becoming the gay girl’s version of the Hangover movies?

First she was in Jenna’s car, then she was at some diner, now, apparently she was sucking face at Paige’s house, then she may or may not have helped dig up her ex best friend’s grave.  For a girl who was roofied to the point of almost unconsciousness, Emily Fields sure was a busy little beaver, wasn’t she?  (No pun intended.)

Anywhoo, when Emily tries to apologizes to Paige for inadvertently drugging her into a jealous cupcake spitting rage with her Flask of Truth, she learns that Paige has been keeping a Very Big Secret from her.  Apparently, on the Night that Shall Not Be Named but we are going to keep bringing it up anyway, Emily found herself on Paige’s doorstep, drugged out of her mind.  This of course, did not stop Emily from sticking her tongue down Paige’s throat.  And it certainly didn’t stop Paige from letting Emily stick her tongue down Paige’s throat, even though, afterward she felt incredibly guilty for doing so . . .

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I know a lot of fans were kind of harsh on Paige for letting Emily make out with her, when she was so clearly not in her right state of mind.  And, as many of you know, I’m far from Paige’s biggest fan, especially after the whole “Trying to Drown Emily” thing.

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*dunk, gurgle, gurgle, glug*

That said, anyone who has experienced unrequited crushing can certainly relate to how difficult it would be to stop the object of your affection from kissing you, when its something you’ve wanted for so long.

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Now, I think I’d feel much differently about the situation, had Paige and Emily done more than kiss that night.  But simply allowing an inebriated person to make out with you, is not a crime.  Anyone who’s been to a high school or college party can tell you that.

However, Paige’s decision to hide this important information from Emily for as long as she did is a bit suspect in my eyes.  Also suspect?  Emily’s rationale that because she made out with Paige while nearly unconscious, she must secretly looooooove her.

I mean, don’t get me wrong.  I’m a firm believer in the fact that people shouldn’t use alcohol as an excuse for bad behavior.  Being drunk might lower your inhibitions, but it doesn’t completely deprive you of control of your own mind, and bodily functions.  (Well, at least most bodily functions . . .)

People who do things while drunk should not be excused from taking responsibility for them when sober.

That said, I think it’s safe to say Emily was more than just “drunk” on the night in question.  And because of her state, things happened to her over which she clearly had no control.  We know that a sober Emily would never have left her PLL friends to get into a car with not-blind Jenna.  And she certainly wouldn’t have chosen to hover over Ali’s open, recently robbed, grave with a shovel.  So, maybe, just maybe, Emily should take her actions on the Lost Night with a grain of salt . . .

“I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gravedigger, but she ain’t messin’ with no corpsey corpse .  . .”

Then again, had she done that, us fans wouldn’t have been treated to this awesome Olympic quality late night synchronized swimming session  . . .

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Step aside, Michael Phelps!

Meanwhile . . .

In which Nate gets creepier, Toby gets madder, and Caleb gets a WHOLE lot richer . . .

The obvious serial killer psychosis of Maya’s supposed cousin Nate continues to both intrigue and frighten me.  If you recall, it was Nate’s idea that Emily probably acted out her subconscious desires while under the influence.

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And while, as I said, his statement wasn’t entirely incorrect, Nate’s assertion that people who do “bad things” in their dreams, are the same as people who do bad things in real life sounded like a guy trying to justify his own bad acts . . . his own “murderous” acts, perhaps?

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I mean, really, who besides a killer could argue that thinking about killing somebody is just as bad as actually killing somebody?

In other creepy Nate says news, Nate memorably noted that he could “totally see himself” committing murder,  when he saw Garrett that day at the hospital, even going as far as saying that the Police Boy was “better of dead.”  Once again, Nate seems to be attempting to rationalize away murder as something “anybody could do.”

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Couple that with the guy skulking around Emily’s and Maya’s lakehouse, and hijacking Emily’s personal memories of Maya as his own (“OH!  We used to do that too!”), and we are starting to get a pretty frightening picture of who this guy might be . . .

In light of the PLL girl’s recent discovery that Maya was seen getting into Police Boy’s Police Car on the day of her death, and the hints we’ve received lately, both from Mona, and Maya herself,  that she “knew” a secret about Ali’s death, I have a new theory about Maya’s last moments.  Wanna hear it?

Sure you do!

OK . . . so now I’m thinking that Maya found out about Ali having a murderous twin who really killed Alison, and decided to bring that information to the cops, hence her secret rendezvous with Police Boy Garrett.  The only problem was that secret camp stalker boy Nate, saw these two together, and assumed they were hooking up.  So, Nate kills Maya in a jealous rage, and is only too relieved when the deed is pinned on the police boy he hates . . .

Sounds pretty plausible, right?

Speaking of rages, Abs Toby is PISSED at Spencer for unwittingly making him a fellow Obstructer (Is that a real word?) of Justice regarding that whole “hit and run” thing that happened with Drunken Jason and his car . . . especially, now that Drunken Jason seems to be MIA . . .

Fortunately, for Spencer, she has another boy toy, with which to buy her time.  And it’s . . . wait for it . .  . CALEB!

That’s right!  Hanna’s ex-beau has been logging in some serious bonding time with Rosewood favorite super sleuth, as the two worked together to crack the code of Maya’s website.  (Even though we all know the password was “IMMD,” anyway!)  Truth be told,  Caleb and Spencer used to not really have all that much in common, considering that Spencer spent her spare time in country clubs, and Caleb slept in the school library.  But now that Caleb wears $400 sweaters, and drives some fancy schmancy car, they, apparently, have plenty to talk about .  . .

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Now, in Caleb’s defense, he promises that the reason he’s helping Spencer crack Maya’s code (that sounds a little dirty) is to protect Hanna.

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But as we all know, on PLL, good intentions always seem to lead to making out with someone you shouldn’t . . .

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 . . . which leads me to . . .

Now, Mona won’t have to “Miss (Her) Dolls”

It’s a bit ironic that while Spencer is spending quality time with Hanna’s ex beau, Hanna ends up locking lips with one of Spencer’s.  It all stars when Doctor Sexy Pants Wren approaches Hanna with the “bad” news that Mona is going to be relocated to another nuthouse, if Hanna doesn’t speak on her behalf.

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Sheesh!  Hanna really must be the most forgiving person ON THE PLANET.  I mean, if someone tried to ruin my life, and kill ME, you could be damn sure, I wouldn’t be appearing before some medical board in a suit, talking about how much I wanted to keep that person living down the street from me, as opposed to “far, far away” where she belongs.

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I don’t know, I think brown rat asses are kind of cute!

Nevertheless, Hanna’s initially rehearsed, but, eventually extemporaneous, plea to allow Mona to stay at Radley, was oddly sweet and touching .  . .

. . . you know . . . if you ignore completely the fact that Mona is a TOTAL PSYCHOPATH . . .

After the speech is over, Wren comes to Hanna to share with her the good news.  Crazy Town Mona is HERE TO STAY!  Umm, yay?

Well, Hanna certainly seems thrilled with the results of her presentation . . . so, thrilled, in fact, that she plants a big juicy wet smooch on Wren’s lips.

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Ahhh . . . well, I certainly can’t blame anyone for making out with that adorable, delectable Brit.  And if a relationship with Hanna, means more Wren on my TV screen, then, of course, I’m all for it.

But I have to say, I think Wren has much more chemistry with Spencer . . .

And Hanna has much more chemistry with Caleb . . .

. . . than Wren and Hanna do with one another.  Does anyone else agree?

And the Password to Maya’s Super Morbid Secret Site is . . . ummm . . .

As I hinted at earlier, this week was also the week we finally got a peek at Maya’s password-locked website, which ended up somewhat of a cross between a private YouTube account,  and a Facebook page,  filled as it was with quirky, cute, video diaries, and a whole lot of pictures of Emily and Maya together.  At this point, I suspect the series has really only scratched the surface of what sort of easter eggs the Masssugar.com site has in regard to Maya’s secrets / final days on Earth.

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Of course, we got the obligatory, Morbid / Unintentionally Frightening videos you always see on the type of shows where the main characters are investigating the personal thoughts of the recently deceased.  For example, Maya eerily predicting that her own website was “cursed,” and her ironic proclamation that she’s “always losing things.”

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But I suspect the video that will become most important is the one of a frightened and tearful Maya (dressed in the same outfit she was wearing shortly after she came home from “camp”) talking about no longer being afraid,  and finally revealing her secrets.

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The question is WHAT secrets was she planning to reveal.  Were they the ones about her stalker Nate?  Or were they the one’s about Ali and her secret crazy twin?  And were those secrets dangerous enough, that someone would kill her rather than risk having them revealed?

The plot . . . it thickens.

Speaking of thick, like many fans (including my awesome pal Sassy Fran, who did a kickass video blog of the episode this week), I was kind of annoyed at my PLL girls for pretty blatantly ignoring some of Mona’s most important coded clues from last week, i.e. Maya Knew, and PW: IMMD.  Since Caleb got into Maya’s site through “back door” methods, we never did get to find out whether either of these were the password for Maya’s site.

I suspect Marlene King and Co. are waiting for a later episode to reveal the importance of these clues.  That said, since Mona DID mention them last week, and most fans picked up on them, almost immediately thereafter, I think the writers were remiss in not, at least, acknowledging there existence.

But hey, what I do I know?  I’m just a lazy recapper . . .

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Anywhoo, that was “Stolen Kisses” in a nutshell.  Next week on PLL . . .

As Scooby Doo would say, “Ruh ROH!”

Until next time, my Pretties!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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Filed under Pretty Little Liars

The Last 30 Seconds Was the Best Part! – A Recap of Pretty Little Liars’ “Please, Do Talk About Me When I’m Gone.”

“Hey!  Watch where you’re putting those hands, Jason Di-Grabby Fingers!  Who do you think we are, Toby and Jenna?  I’ll be watching you.” – A

Last night’s episode of Pretty Little Liars was unusually thinky and philosophical, wasn’t it?  In it, the girls discussed “deep” topics such as “immortality,” “aging,” and “leaving a legacy behind after death.”  I bet you didn’t realize you were watching such a SMART show, did you?

“These discussions are nice and all, but I was kind of hoping we’d get to discuss more important things:  like whether we like Fitzy’s new haircut!”

Yeah, see . . . here’s the thing.  Pretty Little Liars is not a show I watch for “deep thoughts.”  So, before I begin my recap, I have a little message for the writers.  In the future, less waxing poetic about the meaning of life, and MORE snarky messages from A / sex with inappropriately-aged men, OK?

Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself.

Glad we got that straightened out.   On with the recap . . .

Life’s a beach, and then you die . . .

“Does this insanely large ego, make me look fat?”

When the episode opens, our four main characters are making final preparations for Ali’s Memorial Service, which is set to occur that weekend.  They roll out this big scary-looking wooden box . . . the kind that always carries a ferocious tiger, or massive gorilla, in the cartoons.  Unfortunately, this box doesn’t contain anything so exciting . . . just this . . .

When the green packing noodles are the most interesting thing inside your box, you know you’ve made a bad purchase.

Despite this “Memorial Fountain” being hideously ugly, the girls marvel over its “sheer awesomeness.”  Aria ruminates a bit about how, long after everyone has forgotten SHE existed, Ali will still be remembered as “the dead girl who had the lame fountain named after her.”  Aria’s trying to be respectful of her long lost pal, but we all know she secretly wishes a monument could be erected in her honor – one that, for centuries to come, will be considered “home” by countless cigarette butts, gobs of drooly backwash, and piles of bird sh&t.

Aria’s Memorial Fountain

“That’s immortality, my darlings,” coos Spencer, in this weird whispery voice that kind of creeps me out.  Suddenly, we are flashed back to the previous summer.  The girls are hanging out at the local pool, looking pretty . . . except for Hanna, who’s wearing a t-shirt over her bathing suit . . . because she’s supposed to be FAT!  Apparently t-shirt = Really Huge Heifer in Pretty Little Liar’s world.

“Don’t look at me!  I’m hideous!”

Ever the philosopher, Flashback Aria wishes out loud that you could pick an age you want, and stay there forever.  Riiiiiiight!  Because 15-year olds ALWAYS worry constantly about growing old and aging.  You know what age I wanted to be when I was 15?   21 . . . so I could drink legally, without having to worry about my fake ID getting confiscated, and someone ratting me out to my Mom.

Fortunately, Ali has a FABULOUS solution to Aria’s wrinkle and cellulite worries.  Death! 

Hooray!

“Die young.  Leave a beautiful corpse,” Ali instructs Aria, as she relishes the thought of dying a mysterious death at an early age.  (Be careful what you wish for!)  “That’s immortality, my darlings,” Ali concludes, echoing Spencer’s earlier words.

Hey, Ali!  You know who ELSE is really into perpetual youth and immortality?  Evil Bloodsucking Vampires . . .

OK . . . OK.  I’m pretty sure this show ISN’T going in that direction.  But, COME ON!  Wouldn’t that be a fabulous idea for a spinoff?

The girls are shaken out of their respective reveries by a reminder that they will be meeting with Ali’s long lost older brother, Jason, the following morning, to run through the Service itinerary.  The crew take some time out of their busy Memorial preparations to diss on Ali’s Big Bro, wondering out loud how an Ivy League school could have possibly admitted a student like Jason, who listened to “LOUD MUSIC” and “DRESSED LIKE AN EMO!”

NO!  Not ELMO!  EMO!

That’s better!

And yet, when the girls reunite with Jason the following day, they find out, much to their surprise, that he isn’t EMO at all!  Instead, Jason is a Poor Man’s Ryan Phillippe, circa Cruel Intentions.

Same pouty lips.  Same “I just sucked on a lemon” face.  Still pretty hot though . . .

Jason is also kind of a D-bag.  Immediately upon arrival, he gives the girls an obnoxiously fake smile, and thanks them for all their hard work.  He then proceeds to subtly crap on everything they’ve done, and completely take over.  As if that isn’t bad enough, Jason adds a name to the list of Memorial Service Speakers.  Bet you can’t guess who?

 

WORSE!  Guess again  .  . .

Nope! 

Give up?  It’s  BLIND JENNA AND HER CANE OF DESTRUCTION!

 . . . which she’s mysteriously stopped using, since the pilot episode.  (NOW, how are we supposed to know when she’s coming?) 

The Return of Deputy Douchey

“I’m BAAACK!”

Apparently, Blind Jenna wasn’t the only one Jason contacted prior to returning to town.  He also got a hold of the one man on this show whose D-bag tendencies rival his own.  It’s Deputy Douchey!  Apparently, Jason is interested in re-opening the investigation into Alison’s murder, and is unhappy with the way the local PD has handled the matter, thus far.  So, of course, Deputy Douchey immediately starts nosing around Hanna again, who he CLEARY has some creepy crush on. 

Kudos to My New Favorite Character, Hanna, for calling Douchey out on his unethical (but strangely hot) shirtless behavior.  “Exactly what evidence were you planning to uncover wandering around my kitchen wearing nothing but a towel?”  She quips.

Funny, I think I once saw a porno that began with this exact same line . . .

All Aboard the Lanna Ship (a.k.a. Lucas and Hanna Together Forever)!

Awwww!  I SO heart them!

Speaking of Hanna, things just seem to keep going from bad to worse in her life.  When we first check in with her, she is complaining to her mother about the total embarrassment of having her credit card recently declined.  Hanna’s mother explains that the family has been experiencing financial difficulties.  “We’re a one paycheck family,”  she explains morosely.  “We can’t keep living a two paycheck life.”

By way of illustration, Hanna’s Mom opens the refrigerator, to show her just how bad things really are.  (Conveniently enough, if you want to see a “before” picture of Hanna’s Fridge, simply scroll up to Deputy Douchey’s picture, above!)

“Now, honey, I know, in the books, you are supposed to be ‘bullimic,’ but do you think you can switch to anorexic for a little while?  The ‘binge’ part of the ‘binge and purge’ cycle is just too pricey for us, right now.”

“Does this mean I have to go back to using the ‘Five Finger’ Discount, like I did in the Pilot Episode?”

But, guess what?  Despite the obvious stress she’s under, Hanna doesn’t go back to STEALING!

Why, you ask?  Because of THIS GUY!

While the Soon-To-Be Couple (Come on!  It is SO obvious!) are working together on formatting the School Yearbook, Lucas unwittingly suggests that Hanna sell some of her old (probably stolen, let’s be honest) designer things on eBay to make some extra cash.  Ever the helpful guy, Lucas is even willing to help her photograph the items and put them online.

Hanna makes a MINT!  And even though she happens to be with her Snoozy Current Boyfriend, Sean, when Lucas gives Hanna her earnings, the two clearly share a moment, during the monetary exchange.  (In yet another beach flashback, we see Ali making fun of Lucas and warning the Not-So-Hefty Hanna against hanging out with “losers.”  We can’t help but notice, that Hanna seemed partial to the Nerd Cutie, EVEN THEN!)

Ultimately, Hanna does the selfless thing, by using her eBay earnings, to buy groceries for her mother.  As if we couldn’t like this girl enough, already!

In Emily and Maya News . . .

Emily and Maya . . . . .  ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz

Oops!  Sorry!  I must have dozed off for a second there!  Emily and Maya went out on a date.  They went to see what looked like a creepy old horror movie.  It was VERY romantic, so they started to make out during it.  Yeah . . . that’s about it. 

 Oh, and Emily’s Dad is coming home from the Armed Services, which is exciting, I guess . . . Except, I never knew he was gone in the first place . . .  I imagine they probably mentioned it before on the show.  Maybe I was sleeping . . .

Aria Has a New Guy?

OK.  PLL, now you’re starting to make me MAD!  First, you have Spencer COMPLETELY forget about Wren, and jump instantly into the arms of the Ball Boy . . .

“Hey, when you HAVE balls, you might as well USE them .  . .”

. . . NOW you’ve got this random Noel dude, with big Bushy Caterpillar eyebrows, honing in on Fitzy’s girl?  WTF?

“You better watch out, NOEL!  I’ve got white pasty stick legs!  And I’m not afraid to use them on your face!”

To Aria’s credit, she’s not NEARLY as ho-ish as Spencer, and at least hesitates a bit, before “moving on” to a new man. 

Tired of Aria’s newfound mopey ways, Hanna decides to set her up on a double date.  You see, Lame-O Sean got four concert tickets.   Two of them will go to him and Hanna, of course.  But Sean’s friend, Noel has dibs on the third one, and HE would really like to take Aria as his date.  Recalling that Aria used to crush on Furry-Browed Noel,  Hanna tries to convince her friend to go out with them.  Aria initially declines, but ultimately, decides to go.

The problem is that Aria is still SERIOUSLY depressed about her parent’s separation and Fitzy’s sudden departure.  So, during the date, she acts like someone just killed her best friend.  (Oh  . . . wait . . . someone DID!)  Noel pulls Aria aside to ask what’s wrong, and, to all of our surprises, she opens up to him about her “ex boyfriend in Iceland” (a.k.a. Fitzy White Legs).  Noel sees Aria’s misery, and figures it’s the PERFECT opportunity to ask her whether the two of them can starting making out.   (Smooth move, Douche!)

Aria declines . . . but isn’t nearly as turned off by the randomness of the request as she should be.  Damn those hot boys with Wild Overgrown Eyebrows!  They get away with EVERYTHING!

And then there was Spencer . . .

Sigh!

Spencer was the only Pretty Little Liar who didn’t get any loving this week.  Instead, she was pretty much abused, accused, and berated throughout the entire episode.  First, Jenna informs her that during the last few months of her life, Ali didn’t TRUST Spencer.  Ali apparently told Jenna this, while visiting her in the hospital. 

Spencer later learns from Brother Jason that Ali told him all about the Jenna Thing.  Except, instead of admitting HER part in setting off the fireworks that blinded Jenna, Ali told Jason that SPENCER was the mastermind behind it all!

Spencer is understandably hurt, and more than a little freaked out, by these revelations.  Why would Ali say these things about her?  Apparently, Spencer and Ali weren’t seeing eye-to-eye during those last few months before she disappeared.  If this information gets out, will SPENCER become a suspect in Ali’s murder? 

Possibly, but she won’t be the first.  It was also revealed this week that Creepy Toby called Ali on the night she disappeared, and SOMEONE (either Ali or someone with Ali’s phone in hand) TOOK THE CALL!

“What?  Did you think they would just STOP talking about me on the show, just because I disappeared?  Who do you think I am?  Wren?”

Before the Memorial Service, Spencer receives yet another cryptic message from A.  “The Memorial Service is tomorrow.  Do it right.  I’ll be watching, just like Tom Sawyer.”

OK, ENOUGH with the High School English Literary References, PLL.  First To Kill a Mockingbird, then Catcher in the Rye, NOW The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.  We get it, Tom Sawyer attended his own funeral.  Ho, ho, ho.  So clever! 

Do you really expect me to believe that a girl as stuck up and shallow, as Ali would make this kind of reference in a threatening text message?  The Girl Who Never Met a Nerd She Couldn’t Abuse?  Even if she READ the book (unlikely), I highly doubt she’d admit to doing it.  Be reasonable, PLL Writers!

Remembering Ali

Here’s a scenario for you.  You have this “friend” who is total b&tch during her lifetime, but ends up dying this totally tragic, untimely death.

You have to give her eulogy.  What do you say?  Do you lie, and make up nice stuff about her, even though you know it’s not true.  Are you brutally honest, a la Jen Lindley eulogizing the sort of evil, but hilariously funny, Abby Morgan on Dawson’s Creek?

I WISH I could find that eulogy on YouTube so that I could show it to you.  It remains, for me, one of the most uncomfortable moments on television, EVER!

Or do you do something in between.  It seems, in this case, that the girls go for option three.  Spencer discusses how much Ali would love all the attention of a Memorial Service in her honor.  She also talks about how nice it was that she was able to constantly fight with Ali.  (Not a smart admission, Spencer, seeing as you’re already a suspect in her murder.) 

 Hanna talks about how Ali “challenged” her (i.e. relentlessly berated her for being a chubby dork, and made her feel like crap on a regular basis).  Emily and Aria say stuff too, but it is so boring and meaningless, that I can’t remember any of it. 

At some point, during the ceremony, the Ex-Boyfriend of Spencer’s sister Melissa shows up.

“I come bearing flowers!”

NO!  I’m not talking about Wren . . .

Her OTHER Ex-Boyfriend, Ian!

Played by the adorable Ryan Merriman, who, unfortunately, was wearing a shirt at the time.

No one can really figure out why he was there.  But I’m sure we will find out in coming weeks . . .

Then Blind Jenna gets up to speak . . .

Surprisingly, she is kind of nice too!  She speaks about Ali’s strength, which, I guess, like the rest of the “positive traits” mentioned at the service, could be interpreted as “bitchiness,” but, no matter.  At least she doesn’t say anything crazy, like “I KNOW WHO KILLED ALI!”

After the ceremony, Jason approaches the girls with a gift . . .

It is THAT UGLY ASS BRACELET with Alison’s name on it!  Supposedly, Alison was wearing it at the time of her death.  BUT WAIT!  The girls already HAVE that bracelet!  They found it in the woods during the second episode . . .

Huh?

This is when THE BEST PART OF THE EPISODE happens.  As the credit begin to roll, we look upon Alison’s Memorial fountain, surrounded by tiles, and covered with candles.  A figure in black approaches it.  He or she sits silently, observing the memorial for a few moments.  He or she then takes out a hatchet, and BASHES THE CRAP OUT OF IT!  It is SO AWESOME!  That scene makes the whole episode worthwhile, in my opinion! 

So much for “remembering Ali forever!”  They really should have went with Aria’s Memorial choice . . .

That’s all I’ve got for this episode.  According to ABC Family there is only ONE EPISODE LEFT before the Season Finale.  That’s CRAZY TALK!  That would mean the whole season was just TEN EPISODES long, and I know for a fact that the channel ordered 22 episodes!

Whatever the situation is, there’s a PLL hiatus coming up soon, which means the next two episodes should be ACTION-PACKED!  See you then!

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