Captain Hook Gets a Little Handsy – A Recap of Once Upon a Time’s “The Apprentice”

hook looks at hands

Back in the very late 90s, there was a ridiculously bad movie called Idle Hands about a teenage boy who somehow managed to get his hand possessed by a serial killer. (Don’t you just hate it when that happens?) What followed was 90 VERY LONG minutes of the “evil hand” killing the teen’s friends, family, and, most depressingly, his cat (who, spoiler alert, was the only remotely likeable character in the entire film). Through it all, the teen just stared dumbfounded at his super busy body part, like a guy on a really bad acid trip . . .

idlehands_980x350

This week’s installment of Once Upon a Time was a Disney-fied take on that story, with a twist, or, dare I say, a hook, at the end that made the premise much more palatable.

with the hook

(More importantly, I am happy to report that no cats were harmed in the making of this episode . . .)

happy-cat-800

. . . just a knave . . . and some really old guy.

Let’s review, shall we?

To read the rest of this snarktastic recap, click here.

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Maid Marion Gets a Cold – A Recap of Once Upon a Time’s “Rocky Road”

frozen maid marion

“Hey, anyone got a tissue?  Or an ice scraper?”

What does it take to gain your trust?  Are you someone who is easily won over?  All it takes is a pretty face, a warm smile or a few moments of bonding over a sweet treat, and you are already convinced you’ve met a friend for life.

ice cream for roland

Do you tend to give people the “benefit of the doubt,” and view them in the best light possible, until they prove to be otherwise?

trust you

Or perhaps you are a bit more discerning in the people with whom you choose to share your secrets?  You often find yourself skeptical of the motives of others.  You play your cards close to your chest.  Those who don’t know you well may even call you aloof, standoffish, or, dare I say . . . frosty .  . .

not to trust

Though one could argue that the theme of every episode so far of Season 4 of Once has been “how to milk the Frozen franchise for all its worth,” I would argue that this particular episode . . .

nodding oh yeah

  .  . . had that theme too . . .

verbal keyboard smash

 . . . but it was also about “Trust.”

For people like Elsa and Emma, who have been hurt and mistreated in their past, it is difficult to open up and trust others .  . .

For people like Regina, Rumpelstiltskin and Will Scarlet, who have been stereotyped and marginalized for their past deeds, it is difficult to regain the trust of the people who may have already written them off.

breaking mirror

And for people like the Snow Queen, this general lack of trust amongst the good people of Storybrooke proves to be a fertile playground for manipulation, control, and all sorts of other activities that tend to frequent the To Do Lists of every self-respecting Big Bad.

Let’s review, shall we?

Actually, before we begin . . .

A Little Background on The Snow Queen

What’s fun about Once Upon a Time, is that most of the fairytale characters we meet here are fairly recognizable to pretty much anyone who has ever read a fairytale or  . .  . more likely . . . seen a Disney movie based on a Fairytale.  Most of us grew up knowing at least the basic stories of Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, Little Red Riding Hood.

disney princesses

But Once seems to have waded a bit deeper into the Fairytale Pool for The Snow Queen, a story that probably didn’t make a lot of your first grade teachers’ Must Read list . .  . basically because its super dark, and a little gross . . .

You see, The Snow Queen’s modus operandi was basically to shove broken pieces of glass mirrors into people’s eyes (ouch!) and distort their vision of the world.  She’d make them hate everything and mistrust everyone except for . . . wait for it . . . The Snow Queen herself.

up top

“Up top!”

This was a step-by-step process. First she’d make her victims act like total douchebags to all their friends.  Then, when they had no friends left, she’d have them come live with her.  Then she’d make out with them (even if they happened to be little prepubescent boys . . . ewwwww), causing them to not only mistrust and hate their former friends, but to forget their existence entirely.

In short, The Snow Queen was the “If I can’t have you, no one can,” abusive boyfriend / mistress in every Lifetime Movie you ever saw . . .

bunny burner

A burner of bunnies . . . among other things.

So, with that in mind . . .

(You can read the rest of my recap for Once Upon a Time’s Rocky Road here . . .)

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Under the Snow Globe – A Recap of Once Upon a Time’s “White Out”

elsa

You get a snowman . . . and you get a snowman . . . and you get a snowman. You ALL GET SNOWMEN!”

Another week, another snow-themed Once episode . . . this show is starting to wreak some major havoc on my Seasonal Affective Disorder . . .

SAD for dummies

This week, the residents of Storybrooke find themselves trapped inside their small community which I’m pretty sure The Curse prevents them from actually leaving anyway, not to mention freezing their magically delicious tushies off, when a vengeful Elsa encases them inside a town-wide wall of ice.  Elsa is bargaining that this oh-so-clever hostage-taking maneuver will force the fairytale characters to give up the goods on where her perky ginger little sister is hiding . . .

going to story

Clearly, this Frozen princess has been spending her free time in Arendelle watching non-Disney approved shows on that Other Network of Which We Dare Not Speak Its Name . . .

under the dome

For shame, Elsa! For shame!

Meanwhile, over in Fairytale Land, Prince Charming sports a hideous perm . . .

bad perm

Thus proving, once and for all that, contrary to popular belief, (1) Fairytale characters are not immune to having Bad Hair Days; and (2) sometimes those Bad Hair Days have the unintended effect of making them look like chorus members from the Broadway Revival of Rock of Ages . . .

hair rock of ages rock of ages hair 1

Also, this week on Once, Snow White learned how to change a light bulb . . .

baby high five

Emma and Hook got one step closer to their much awaited THIRD DATE . . .

squee

Henry got one step closer to no longer being able to hide that he’s going through puberty. . .

doesnt

“I used to hide a book of fairytales under my mattress. Now, it’s an iPad and internet porn . . . lots and lots of internet porn.”

And Little Bo Peep showed the world that the darkest of warlords are the ones that wear the poofiest skirts and the biggest bloomers . . .possibly to protect against Little Bo Poops . . .

 watch the sheep

Let’s review, shall we?

You can read the rest of my recap of Season 4, Episode 2 of OUAT here .  . .

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Coitus Interruptus – A Recap of Once Upon a Time’s Season 4 Premiere “A Tale of Two Sisters”

elsa and anna

Anna: “I’m so excited. I get to play a married early twenty something woman on an adult television show. Do you think they’ll finally let me take off these ridiculous pigtail braids?”

Elsa: “No.”

Anna: “But . . .”

Elsa: “Just let it go, Anna. Let it go.”

It’s official.  The prime time television season is back in session.  There goes my social life . . .

You can check out my random musings about Robin Hood’s failed attempt at propositioning a threesome, Hook’s and Emma’s oddly kinky idea of a first date, Rumpbelle’s House Crasher Honeymoon Oasis, and why I think the StayPuft Marshmallow man has seen better days, by clicking here.

Or . . . you can spend the evening hanging out with This Guy.  It’s totally up to you . . .

grrr frosty

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Hide Your Kids, Hide Your Wife – A Once Upon a Time Season 3 Retrospective

glorious

A surprisingly evil Peter Pan, an unsurprisingly evil Wicked Witch of the West and sooooooooo much Captain Hook . . .

broody hook

What am I babbling on about, you ask?  It’s Season 3 of Once Upon a Time, of course!  And you have just enough time to catch up on it, before the Season 4 premiere this coming Sunday.  Do it, right here, right now.  Come on . . . you know you want it!

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Once Upon a Time Season 2 Retrospective – The Ones with Regina’s Mom and that Annoying Cult that Hated Magic

Once-Upon-a-Time-Season-2-Cast-Promotional-Photos-once-upon-a-time-32308597-660-495

“My GPS says, ‘Recalculating route . . . when possible, make a legal U-turn.’  My horse says, ‘Naaaaaaayyyyy  . . . . I think I just pooped.'”

While recapping Season 2 of Once Upon a Time for Happy Nice Time People.com  the following three things dawned on me, in no particular order:

(1) every season of Once is actually separated into two distinct sub-seasons, each with its own stand-alone plot;

are you

(2) if I fail to come up with a conceivable relationship between the whole Regina’s Mom Wreaks Havoc on Her Daughter’s Happiness plot line of Season 2A, and the Magic-Hating Cult Come to Blow Up Storybrooke and Kidnap Young Henry for a Mystery Man We Later Learn to be Peter Pan plot line of Season 2B, there’s a good chance this recap will suck;

hide behid

and (3) I still really hate Mary Margaret’s short haircut, and can’t for the life of me understand why she didn’t grow it out in Season 2, especially after learning her true identity as the fabulous-hairdo-having Snow White . . .

scared snow

hang on

Nonetheless, recap Season 2, I did . . . and read it, you shall . . . well . . . at least, if you feel like reading it . . .  which I hope you do, because I have a very fragile ego.  And affirmation from total strangers is pretty much my bread and butter . . . :)

not feel

Anywhoo, travel back to Storybrooke, and get Hooked by Sexy Captain Hook, by clicking here.  You know you want it!

broody hook

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Presto Chango – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s Season Finale “Smoke and Mirrors”

presto chango iii

Game of Bones . . .

Have you ever seen a children’s magic show? By design, a children’s magic show has to be different from its adult counterpart. You see, children generally don’t have the patience for the pomp and circumstance of adult magic shows . . . the “mood music,” the attractive scantily clad assistant, the table that spins in the center of the stage for no apparent reason than to make the audience dizzy.

Because of this, children’s magic shows tend to consist of a variation of the same magic trick, over and over again. “Presto chango.” This hat is empty.

“Presto chango.” Now there is a rabbit in it.

make bunny cry

“Presto chango.” We poured milk into a rolled up newspaper.

“Presto chango.” Now it’s dry.

“Presto chango.” This is a blank coloring book.

“Presto chango.” Now it’s filled with the colors the audience shouted at the magician, a moment earlier.

blue just pretty

Season 4 of Teen Wolf, in general, and the aptly titled “Smoke and Mirrors” finale, specifically, felt a bit like watching a children’s magic show . . .

“Presto chango.” There’s a deadpool.

“Presto chango.” Just kidding!

all contracts terminated

“Presto chango.” Derek’s a man werewolf. “Presto chango.” Now, he’s a kid werewolf. “Presto chango.” Now, he’s dying. “Presto chango.” Now, he’s not dying, and is an actual wolf.

thats me

“Woof.”

“Presto chango.” Scott’s a berserker. “Presto chango.” He’s better now.

ephemeral

“Presto chango.” Liam’s petrified of berserkers , and doesn’t want to be a member of the pack. “Presto chango.” “I’ll die for you, Scott McCall!”

confused liam

Back in my early season recaps of Teen Wolf, one of the aspects of the show I always complimented was the way in which its writers never felt they had to underestimate their fans intelligence, by spoon-feeding them information they could figure out on their own. But there’s a difference between providing the audience with only some of the pertinent information, and providing them with none. When you do the former, you are treating your fan like she’s smart. When you do the latter, you are treating your fan like she’s . . .well, a child.

teacup humans

Let’s review, shall we?

[As always, special thanks to Andre, who faithfully recapped this entire season of Teen Wolf, without grumble or complaint, and even indulged my Deputy Parrish fantasies and thinly veiled requests for pictures of him naked, without judgment or mocking.]

Scott McCall and the Temple of Relationship Doom

Not to be a Debbie Downer (I promise I’ll try to make the rest of this recap more upbeat.), but I was so incredibly disturbed by the scene where Berserker Scott beat the crap out of Kira that I think it may have colored my perception of the rest of the episode. My main issue with the scene is that I have this sneaking suspicion that Scott’s actions will have no repercussions in his relationship with Kira, next season. “He didn’t mean it,” she’ll say. “He wasn’t himself at the time.”

why do i suddenly feel like i fell into an after school special

“This is all starting to feel very Afterschool Special.”

In this particular instance, it may be true. But how many times have you heard an abusive boyfriend or husband use the same excuse? “I wasn’t myself . . . I was angry . . . I was drunk . . . I haven’t been sleeping.”

his eyes

“I was wearing a funny hat.”

Even Stiles, who actually wasn’t himself, back in Season 3, when he was possessed by the Nogitsune, was willing to take some responsibility for the havoc “his body” wreaked on the town. “I was there. I saw everything. And a part of me enjoyed it,” Stiles admitted to Malia earlier this season.

stiles no

If the writers were to have Scott make a similar confession to Kira, could they allow Kira to willingly continue the relationship, without sending a terrible message to fans everywhere?

that didnt take long

Ummmm . . . .

Anywhoo, back in the Temple of Relationship doom, Kate is Villain Monologuing about how this cave has magically imbued her with the power to create Berserkers, and make them 100% loyal to her, because . . . um . . . bears really like jaguars, I guess.

i dont good

“Are they still considered six-pack abs, if you have to wear them as a t-shirt?”

She tells her pet Scott to stab Kira in the chest, and he does.

pre stab

“Good Bear / Dog. You get a cookie . . . or should I say, another bone.”

Has the Mexico Department of Tourism Gotten Wind of This?

In the season premiere, the Scooby crew all took a nice little road trip to Mexico to save Derek from Kate’s clutches . . . and also to tussle with a Mexican crime syndicate. Now, in the finale, they are heading back to Mexico to “save” Scott and Kira . . .

town of mexico

Apparently, if you are looking for a place where your adult friend can get turned into a teen, and your teen friend can get turned into a mindless bear zombie, Mexico is the Vacation Destination for you!

more dancing stiles

“Cancun, baby!”

Did I mention they have Chimichangas?

Papa Stilinski is totally not cool with Stiles and his friends heading off to certain death in Mexico. “I get it. You need a vacation. But why not somewhere like Daytona Beach, Bermuda, New Orleans, Vegas . . . a Giant Maze where bug-like creatures chase you around for sh*ts and giggles . . .”

“Nope, viva la Mexico,” replies Stiles. “Also, I’d very much like some guns, please.”

noooo

ep 7 in spanish

“What’s that you say, Stiles? You would like to take your trustee bat to the Murder Church? Yes, you can take your bat,” replies the Sheriff.

“I said GUNS . . . G-U . . .”

“All right, sonny boy, now you run along and play . . .”

stiles alphabet 1 allisonargents stiles alphabet2 allisonargents

Speaking of guns . . .

All Paws on Deck

For trained bounty hunter, Braeden, murder is like playing golf. You bring every gun you own, everywhere you go, and then carefully select the best one for the circumstance at hand . . . hopefully, before someone shoots you in the face.

all the guns

“You’re going to need a really big backpack.”

. . . which, I guess, makes Derek her caddy.

i make this look good

For a hero, Derek seems surprisingly cool with his impending demise.

dont die

DEREK: “They’ve got that little guy, with the pretty boy face now. Clearly, I’m being phased out, sent off on the ice floe, like the Eskimos do to old people.”

BRAEDEN: “But if you’re dead, we can’t have sex in your poorly furnished apartment, while Lydia screams in our ear anymore.”

DEREK: “You’re over 18, (I hope. I mean, you are, aren’t you? Because, I never actually asked). Maybe they’ll send you on the ice floe too . . .”

BRAEDEN: “Hmmm . . . I’ve never had sex on a block of ice before . . .

Also packing for the trip are Stiles and Malia, the former of whom helpfully offers Malia a pair of his besties dirty underwear so that she can pick up his scent . . .

underwear

. . . which would be very helpful, if Scott was trapped under something heavy, and the only part of his body out in the open air was his crotch . . .

um no thanks

Malia rolls her eyes, and decides to sniff his pillow instead. Smart girl!

febreeze

Last week, Liam was all, “No thank you,” to the opportunity to be a series regular on a show that involved him willingly walking into the jaws of death every week. “Please keep me in mind when there’s an opening on Dawson’s Creek,” he said.

sad liam eyes

“I have soulful eyes.  I can totally be broody like Dawson, or misunderstood and charming like Pacey.”

But then that other wolf guy gave him a pep talk, and he changed his mind . . .

(Also, he Googled Dawson’s Creek, and learned it’s been off the air for over 10 years.)

let me come

“I’d very much like it if you tied me up, and strapped me to the roof of your car, so that I can come along on this Super Fun Suicide Trip with you all,” Liam offers, shrugging off the second full moon of his werewolf existence like it no big deal . . .

im in

“Hey, can I come too? I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to be good or evil in this episode Maybe I should go back into a coma, so Meredith can tell me what I’m really thinking,” chimes in Peter.

Now, THAT’S what I call a road trip. But wait . . . SOMEONE’S MISSING . . .

Not Without My Lydia . . .

snort

“Kind of smells like Scott’s crotch . . .”

really sexin

Back at school, Lydia is snorting one of Kira’s jackets, when this happens . . .

wanna study

“Hey Lydia, I was hoping I could borrow your calculus notes.  You see, I have this big exam on Monday, but Kate’s had me out late every night eviscerating innocent flesh, and I just haven’t had the chance to sit down and study.

RUH-ROH!

I get that it’s the weekend. But I love how no one noticed the GIANT BEAR BONE ZOMBIE THINGY wandering the halls in broad daylight . . .

Mason’s at the school too, because he’s human, and not friends with Scott, which means he still has to do boring things on this show like eat nasty cafeteria food, dissect frogs, and, in this particular instance, “attend Study Group.”

lyd phone hume

Also, because every cute red-headed high school teen needs a gay best friend . . .

Stiles tries to get the group to wait for Lydia.   But Peter seems to be in a very big rush to leave her behind, so he can save two teens he doesn’t like very much. Yeah, because THAT doesn’t seem suspicious at all . . .

lets ride

So, the Scooby Gang leaves without Lydia, which is pretty much what they’ve been doing all season, probably because she’s not dating Stiles or Scott . . . also, maybe, because of the Screaming Thing, which is super unpleasant . . .

scream

Mason eventually finds Lydia’s cell phone in the hallway . . .

berserker screen

“Cool screensaver, is that from an app?”

. . . and then, he finds Lydia, just not in the way he would have hoped.

in there

“Bet you never thought you’d wind up back in the closet, huh?”

“That guy, in the hallway . . . the one who beat me up. He had a really great Halloween costume. But I’m not sure if he was supposed to be Shredder from the Ninja Turtles movies, or someone from Game of Thrones. Think I should ask him?” Mason inquires.

“Not human,” Lydia remarks ominously of their burly captor . . .

Humanity is overrated . . .

As the full moon rises, all of our Scoobies appear to be becoming a bit more feral.   En route to Scott, Peter is doing a pretty good job of convincing Malia that murder is totally OK, provided it’s for a good cause, like, for example, to help out the person you occasionally bone. “Also, losing control and becoming an animal is OK, if you want to kill the Bear-Looking thing, that may or may not be Scott, so I can become Alpha, because . . . wait for it.”

always been the alpha

Meanwhile, in the other car, Derek is offering up a slowly wolfing out Liam, his very favorite cereal box toy, to help him control his animal urges.

toy

“I think it was supposed to come with a matching decoder ring, but I accidentally threw it out with my box of Lucky Charms.”

When that doesn’t work, he teaches him the Latin Alphabet.

help me

“Not impressed.”

When that doesn’t work . .. it’s all about the Buddhism, baby!  I’m thinking, The Sun, the Moon, The Truth would make for a great phrase to put on a Teen Wolf t-shirt, don’t you?

Meanwhile, back in temple, Kira is self-mutilating, because the spirit of her Mom told her it would make her feel better. And it works! She’s healed! (And the negative messages for kids, just keep on coming . . .)

i can help self mut 2 success

“Thanks for making me a cutter, Mom.  You’re the best!”

Derek gets sent on the ice floe . . .

Our gang barely manages to park outside the church, when Derek gets his intestines sliced open by a Berserker. It’s the kind of wound you see humans in movies suffer, and you just know they are about to bite it. But Derek . . . well, I guess he’s sort of kind of human now.

dying der

torn up derek 1

The Scooby Gang makes sure to put on their best sad faces for all of two seconds, before leaving Derek to die, and rushing off to rescue their REAL Hero, Scott.

To Stiles’ credit, he looks sad for at least FOUR seconds . . .

sad stiles

Braeden stays with the dying Derek, though . . . possibly because now she has no caddy to hand her guns in battle . . .

But then Kate and the Berserkers arrive, and it’s every man (and woman) for themselves . . .

here they are

And the CAVALRY IS HERE! Hello Deputy Parrish, Crazy Mexican Crime Syndicate, Chris Argent . . . We missed you! Well . . . at least I very much missed one of you!

phoenix

I love how there are thousands off bullets being shot off in every direction, and every single one of these “trained shots” is totally missing the Berserkers. I get that the bone armor is probably pretty effective in warding off bullets. But there are enough openings in the Berserker wardrobe that one would think even a novice marksman could get in a few lucky shots on. . .

THE STOMACH . . .

Berserkers tummy

THE ARMS . . .

band hand

THE EYES . . .

his eyes

Maybe not all of these shots are kill shots, but they would at least do a better job at disarming the Berserkers than, whatever the heck it is they are doing in this scene . . .

shoot at

“Pretending this is the carnival game where you have to shoot water into a clowns mouth until the balloon on his head pops . . .”

Having slightly better luck against the Berserkers on the home front. . .

Bombs Ove Beacon Hills

I’m pretty sure my favorite part of the episode was the scene where Lydia and Mason, kamikaze themselves (and their baseball bats) at the Berserker. I mean, Mason even came up with his own battle cry, which sounded like ArRRAHHIIAHIHIHI! It was awesome.

battle cry

Then, Sheriff Stilinski added to the comedy, by engaging the Berserker in a friendly game of catch . . . with IEDs of course. I very much enjoyed the Wil E. Coyote facial expression the Berserker had while he’s holding on to the bomb and knowing he’s about to go kablooey . . .

front toward enemy wil e coyote

“Front toward enemy? I don’t get it. Why would you want to play catch with your enemy? Wait a second . . . Awwwww sh*******t.”

explode

S.O.S. – Save Our Scott

Inside the temple it’s a Berserker versus Scooby showdown. Stiles finds a newly-healed Kira, who warns Stiles that (1) Scott is a Berserker; (2) Lydia was left behind on purpose, so that she couldn’t warn the others before they killed Scott.

he kind of

“My boyfriend physically abused me, which caused me to voluntarily cut myself, which, if this was another show, would make you very concerned for my well being.  But this is Teen Wolf, so SAVE SCOTT!”

Meanwhile, everyone seems to be working pretty hard to murder our newly-turned Doesn’t Care Bear . . .

carebear stareee

“STOP! It’s our fearless leader Scott, in that Shredder costume!” Stiles warns, just as “Scott” is attempting to strangle little lost Liam.

In that moment, Liam looks into the face of the thing he fears most and sees EYES . . .

hey scott what up

“Hey, I’d know those bushy unplucked verging-on-unibrow eyebrows anywhere! That’s my surrogate daddy!”

Since mantras had worked so well on Liam, he decides to use one on Scott . . . the same one Scott used on him to help control his change, earlier in the season. “Scott, you are not a monster. You are a werewolf, just like me.”

damn hat off break on through

And . . . presto chango . . . Scott has, once again accomplished the impossible, and broken the Berserker curse . . . now, if he could just wax those eyebrows . . .

Minutes after coming back to himself, Scott sees Peter and immediately figures out that HE has been behind Kate’s plans all along. (For a dumb-dumb, Scott can be pretty insightful, when its plot convenient.) And he’s PISSED! So, he runs toward Peter, and Peter runs toward him, and the two of them embrace one another in a snazzy dance move I like to call the “Flying Hug of Death.”

lets dance bitch

“Let’s dance.”

pretty funny

“Think happy thoughts .  . .  You can FLY. You can FLY.  You can FLLLLYYYY.”

Meanwhile, outside . . .

Blah, Blah, Blah, Stuff Happens, Blah, Blah, Blah . . . NAKED DEREK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, just when everything seems like it’s going to crap, Derek turns into an actual wolf, and attacks Kate with what at first seems like puppy licks, but is actually gnashing teeth . . .

running tackle hug

“Tee hee, that tickles.  Wait.  Why are you biting off my tit?”

He doesn’t kill her though, because . . . she hosts Wolf Watch . . .

Then Kate’s own brother, Chris, shoots her with a yellow-tipped bullet. Kate looks super offended, but this also doesn’t kill her . . . because . . . Wolf Watch.

im sad

“My feelings = hurt.”

THEN DEREK APPEARS NAKED, AND I START DROOLING, AND MY MIND TURNS TO MUSH . . .

howl 2345 hello baby berserker die

(I don’t think anything really important happened at that point anyway . . . except for maybe that whole, Derek kills a Berserker by smushing his face with his bare hands thing.)

Back in the Church . . .

FINISH HIIIIIIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scott and Peter fighting was like something straight out of the Mortal Kombat video game. Five minutes of, punch, punch, punch, kick, fly, punch, throw, fly, punch . . .

4 10 nod off

And I started looking at my nails and thinking, my nail polish is really chipped. I should invest in a better top coat . . .

Then Scott, had Peter on the ground FINALLY. . . and I’m like the announcer from the Mortal Kombat video game. “FINISH HIM . . . FINISH HIM . . . FINISH HIM.”

punch punch fight finish him

But he doesn’t . . . lame.

Also, lame is how Chris totally has a chance to, if not kill, at least disarm, Kate. And he willingly lets her go, only so he can leave the show head off with the Mexican Crime Syndicate to find her again . . .

emasculated

“Feeling alone and emasculated . . . wondering if I remembered to DVR My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, before I left the house.”

How it ends . . .

Stiles comes back home, and gets grounded . . . big time.

groundedstiles

Malia decides her favorite food is pizza, after all . . .

nommy

Coach tells the boys that he’s seen things in Mexico that would knock off their genitals. (I smell a prequel!!!!)

coach

Kira gets a tail . . . well . . . actually a piece of the glass she mutilated herself with, but . . . details.

tail

*sigh* Memories . . .

Lydia gives Parrish a book that looks surprisingly skinny for a bestiary (abridged version, perhaps?), and tells him she’d like to try and help him figure out that he’s a phoenix what he is. (Meanwhile, Parrish patiently waits for Lydia, to leave, so that he can check his database to confirm that she’s had her 18th birthday, before he invites her over to his place for some . . . bestiarying.)

helpin you

Peter ends up in Eichen House, and he has a roommate!

lololol

“I bet he snores and farts in his sleep too.”

(So maybe my guess about the X-Men Eichen House breakout is not so far off after all . . .)

Until next season, Werebangers!

dancing stiles moon

 

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