When Bad Dancing Happens to Good TV Stars . . .

When you’ve resorted to “ass-slapping,” it’s never a good sign . . .

Ahhhh, dancing.  We all do it on occasion.  But only a few of us can actually do it well.  But, even if you aren’t exactly the “Life of the Dance Party,” perhaps, you can sleep better tonight, knowing that you are not ALONE.  In fact, there are many, otherwise, very cool, talented, and debonair television stars out there, who undoubtedly dance just as bad as you do! 

Anyone who watched television during the 90’s, undoubtedly remembers The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

If you ever watched The Fresh Prince, you probably know that, regardless of what an AWFUL dresser he was (see picture above), Will Smith, who played the titular character on the show, was a VERY GOOD DANCER!  His cousin, Carlton (played by Alfonso Ribeiro), however?  Not so much . . .

Around the same time Carlton was “getting jiggy,” on The Fresh Prince, another, very different, comedy sitcom was also gaining popularity . . .

Seinfeld had always been a show known for its crazy characters, and ridiculous occurrences.   Of all the characters on that show, Elaine (played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus) was probably the most “normal.”  That is . . . until she stepped out on the dance floor . . .

But that all happened during the 90’s.  And we can’t really blame television stars for dancing badly during the 90’s, right?  After all, in the 90’s, our idea of “good dancing” was this . . .

So, in order to make YOU feel better about YOUR bad dancing, we need to show you some television stars who dance badly, in this decade!

Josh Holloway, a.k.a. Sawyer from Lost

*Sigh*  How I miss Sawyer, let me count the ways.  Not only did he have the best body EVER, he was also the quintessential “Bad Boy,” and a closet romantic, who was pretty gosh darn hilarious, to boot.  Honestly, who wouldn’t want to get a slightly insulting / highly stereotypical nickname from Sawyer, after joining him a rousing round of Bear Cage Sex?

And yet, Sawyer, as much as I adore you, your dancing skills leave a bit to be desired.  Allow me to draw your attention to Bad Dancing Example 1:

And Example 2:

Then again, can you really blame a guy who’ s been stuck on a deserted island with Psychotic Others and Killer Polar Bears for six years for never learning how to “Dougie?”

Ryan Kwanten, a.k.a. Jason Stackhouse from True Blood

Jason Stackhouse’s half-naked body is a sight to behold, FOR SURE!  And yet, just because you look good half-naked, doesn’t mean you dance well half-naked too.  Then again, perhaps, Jason instinctively understood this.  Why else would he be wearing that Creepy Ex-President Mask?

Speaking of True Blood stars . . .

Alexander Skarsgard, a.k.a. Vampire Eric Northman on True Blood

Eric Northman.  Now THAT GUY is the epitome of COOL!  Not only is his body flawless . . .

. . . but he always seems to know exactly what to say to make the girls’  hearts melt . . .

That vamp is like a Human Panty Dropper!

That being said, I’m not quite sure what exactly he was trying to do here:

Speaking of Super Cool and Sexy Vampires doing ambiguously gay things . . .

Ian Somerhalder, a.k.a. Vampire Damon Salvatore on The Vampire Diaries

If you’ve read this blog before, you already know that I am OBSESSED with Ian Somerhalder, in general, and his character Damon Salvatore, on The Vampire Diaries, specifically.  Not only is Damon Salvatore, a Brooding Bad Boy . . .

 . . . the Life of the Party . . .

 . . . and a Hopeless Romantic . . .

 . . . he’s also a FABULOUS DANCER.

So, why, you ask, is HE on this list?  Remember what I said earlier about “Half-Naked Dancing,” not necessarily being “Good Dancing?”  Well . . .

 . . . I rest my case.

In other Bad Dancing Vampire news . . .

David Boreanaz, a.k.a. Angel on Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and Angel), and Booth on Bones

David Boreanaz . . . he’s a pretty cool guy, right?  I mean, this is someone who KNOWS how to wear a suit!  And yet, he also looks fairly amazing wearing NOTHING AT ALL . . .

Perhaps, we know him best now as the smart, loveable, and adorably snarky Booth on Bones.  But, like Ian and Alexander after him, David Boreanaz is no stranger to donning THE FANGS.  On both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its spinoff, Angel, David played the sometimes sweet, sometimes evil “Angel”  (although, when he was evil they usually called him “Angelus,” weird right?). 

Whether Angel was trying to kiss Buffy, or KILL HER, he always looked like a true gentleman doing it . . . except, of course, when he was dancing . . .

GIF provided courtesy of my AWESOME blogging pal Cherie, over at myspideysenseistingling.

Ummm . . . Booth?  Perhaps, you better stick to your Day Job of playing with skeletons.  Because I’m guessing Dancing with the Stars is not in your future.

Hey, you know who used to be on Angel with David Boreanaz?  Vincent Kartheiser!

What a coincidence!  Because he made this list too!

Vincent Kartheiser, a.k.a. Pete Campbell on Mad Men

A lot of people don’t like Pete Campbell on Mad Men.  They find him slimy, manipulative, whiny and insecure.   Well,  they are RIGHT!  He’s all of those things! 

 (Although, in his defense, he’s gotten A LOT kinder and gentler, this past season.) 

I, for one, have always LOVED Pete.  And a lot of that has to do with Vincent Kartheiser‘s  amazing acting ability.  I just find him so intriguing, and fascinating to watch.  Whenever, he’s on screen, I just can’t keep my EYES OFF OF HIM!  Unless, of course, he’s dancing.  Then, I have to look away . . .

Speaking of Mad Men stars who can’t dance . . .

Jon Hamm, a.k.a. Don Draper of Mad Men

Don Draper, I am very disappointed in you!  You just got engaged to Megan! 

What the heck are you doing, getting jiggy with Betty White?

I hope you don’t plan on dancing like that at the wedding . . .

Elsewhere in Manhattan . . .

Chace Crawford, a.k.a. Nate Archibald on Gossip Girl

Spotted:  A gorgeous rich white boy, teaching us that, just because you were born with a “silver spoon in your mouth,” doesn’t mean your parents ever paid for you to have dance lessons . . .

And, of course, who could forget . . .

John Krasinski, a.k.a. Jim Halpert on The Office

If John Krasinski wasn’t already married to Emily Blunt and if I looked anywhere near as pretty as Emily Blunt, I’d totally marry him.  This guy is the WHOLE PACKAGE!  He’s smart, sweet, funny, caring, and, perhaps, most importantly, a bit of a goofball.  Did I mention that he makes this face ALL THE TIME?

ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!

In fact, John Krasinski is almost TOO perfect.  I mean, what would I bring to the relationship? 

Aha, now I know what I would bring!  Two right feet, for his dual left ones . . .

So, you see Fellow Bad Dancers, you are in VERY GOOD COMPANY!  There are plenty of successful, attractive, and powerful people, who don’t know there mambos from their cha-chas.  Heck, our very own President might be one of them!

But even if your the Worst Dancer in the World, that’s NO EXCUSE not to be dancing!  Dancing brings people together.  It makes them happy.  It gets their hearts racing, in a good way.  In short, dancing makes the world go round. 

So, don’t worry about looking silly.  Just strap on your party shoes, hit the dance floor, and EVERYBODY CUT FOOTLOSE!

(Grrr!  Pesky Copyright Requirements 😦 . . . Click on the embedded link, if you want to DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY!)

[www.juliekushner.com]

A Six-Year Old’s Take on the Film, Dirty Dancing . . . (My Retro-spective)

The first time I saw the movie Dirty Dancing, I was six-years old.  My mom had rented it from the video store, and decided to let me watch it with her.  I was excited, because it was my first ever PG-13 movie.  So, I was absolutely certain it would be filled with all sorts of naughty grown-up stuff (like curses and sex!), the likes of which I had never seen before!

In actuality, Dirty Dancing had a disappointingly minimal amount of curses (like 15, 20 tops . . . I know, because I counted).  And while there was adult content, I was too young to understand most of it.  (I’ll get to that later . . .). 

Despite all of this, I was a fan of the movie, almost instantaneously, because the Dad in it, Jerry Orbach, looked kind of like my dad.  And sort of acted and sounded like him too . . .

I hated Baby’s sister, though!  She seemed like a total poopyhead!

 So, I was kind of happy that, by the end of the movie, you find out that she’s a TERRIBLE dancer and singer, and nobody in her family really likes her.  (That’s what you get for being a poopyhead, after all.)

Oh, yeah, and Baby’s sister didn’t get ANY of the boys!  Not even that nerdy hotel manager’s son, Neil, or that rapist waiter, Robby.

Speaking of Robby, that whole rape/ abortion storyline completely flew over my 6-year old head.  When the cast started talking about how, “Penny got knocked up by Robby, the creep,”  I thought they just meant that he punched her or something.  But she didn’t have a black eye, or anything!  Weird!

So, why couldn’t she dance at the show?  And why did they have to pay all that money for a doctor with a dirty knife to cut her?  Why couldn’t she just put a bandaid on her boo boo, and have her mommy kiss it to make it better?

Newman from Seinfeld was in the movie too, and he did MAGIC TRICKS!  He even cut Baby in half!

Who knew mailmen had magical powers?

When I was six, I thought it was really funny that, in order to get into the hotel employees’ dance party, Baby had to carry a watermelon. 

But it didn’t make a lot of sense to me that she would have to do this, because none of the hotel employees at the party even ate the watermelons she brought!  And no one there seemed particularly hungry . . . for food, at least.

Then the BEST part of the movie started!  Baby and Johnny started DANCING!  Except that, for some reason, the characters decided not to dance to cool music, like Madonna . . .

or New Kids on the Block.

Oh, give me a break!  I was six.  I didn’t know any better . . .

Instead, they danced to “Old People” music — like the kind Mom and Dad made me listen to in the car when we went out to dinner on weekends.

But that was OK, because Baby and Johnny got to dance in COOL places!  Like on a log that reminded me of the balance beam at gymnastics parties . . .

 . . . and in the POOL

 .  . . and on the FLOOR!

And Baby’s mom NEVER even yelled at her for getting her jeans dirty!

Plus, watching Dirty Dancing made me less embarrassed about being ticklish . . .

Then Baby had a sleepover with Johnny, and she got in trouble with her Daddy, because sleepover parties are supposed to be ONLY with girls!  Silly!

Then, at the end of the summer, there was a Big Dance at the hotel, and Johnny said, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner!”

Suddenly, all of the hotel employees appeared out of no where!  (Where did they come from?)  They did this awesome dance to the song  “I’ve Had the Time of My Life,” which they all knew PERFECTLY, even though they never, ever practiced. . .

Baby even did THE LIFT without falling on her face!  So, of course, her Daddy had to forgive her about the whole “sleepover” thing . . .

And they all lived happily ever after . . .

When we finished watching the movie, I asked my Mom if I could take “Dirty Dancing lessons.”  She didn’t like that idea too much.  So, signed me up for jazz instead.  In hindsight, jazz dancing probaby wasn’t as much fun as “dirty dancing” would have been . . .

But I did get to wear pretty shoes . . .

After that first viewing, I went on to watch Dirty Dancing at least 20 more times, as I’m sure a lot of little girls from my generation did.  However, just in case you haven’t seen the film, you can check out this really awful old-school trailer for it (complete with cheesy film-announcer narration).  If you are one of those people who think that trailers give away the major plot points in movies today, you ain’t seen nothing yet!

They just don’t make ’em like THAT anymore . . .