Dancing Television Stars | TV Recappers Anonymous

When you’ve resorted to “ass-slapping,” it’s never a good sign . . .

Ahhhh, dancing. We all do it on occasion. But only a few of us can actually do it well. But, even if you aren’t exactly the “Life of the Dance Party,” perhaps, you can sleep better tonight, knowing that you are not ALONE. In fact, there are many, otherwise, very cool, talented, and debonair television stars out there, who undoubtedly dance just as bad as you do!

Anyone who watched television during the 90’s, undoubtedly remembers The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

If you ever watched The Fresh Prince, you probably know that, regardless of what an AWFUL dresser he was (see picture above), Will Smith, who played the titular character on the show, was a VERY GOOD DANCER! His cousin, Carlton (played by Alfonso Ribeiro), however? Not so much . . .

Around the same time Carlton was “getting jiggy,” on The Fresh Prince, another, very different, comedy sitcom was also gaining popularity . . .

Seinfeld had always been a show known for its crazy characters, and ridiculous occurrences. Of all the characters on that show, Elaine (played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus) was probably the most “normal.” That is . . . until she stepped out on the dance floor . . .

But that all happened during the 90’s. And we can’t really blame television stars for dancing badly during the 90’s, right? After all, in the 90’s, our idea of “good dancing” was this . . .

So, in order to make YOU feel better about YOUR bad dancing, we need to show you some television stars who dance badly, in this decade!

Josh Holloway, a.k.a. Sawyer from Lost

*Sigh* How I miss Sawyer, let me count the ways. Not only did he have the best body EVER, he was also the quintessential “Bad Boy,” and a closet romantic, who was pretty gosh darn hilarious, to boot. Honestly, who wouldn’t want to get a slightly insulting / highly stereotypical nickname from Sawyer, after joining him a rousing round of Bear Cage Sex?

And yet, Sawyer, as much as I adore you, your dancing skills leave a bit to be desired. Allow me to draw your attention to Bad Dancing Example 1:

And Example 2:

Then again, can you really blame a guy who’ s been stuck on a deserted island with Psychotic Others and Killer Polar Bears for six years for never learning how to “Dougie?”

Ryan Kwanten, a.k.a. Jason Stackhouse from True Blood

Jason Stackhouse’s half-naked body is a sight to behold, FOR SURE! And yet, just because you look good half-naked, doesn’t mean you dance well half-naked too. Then again, perhaps, Jason instinctively understood this. Why else would he be wearing that Creepy Ex-President Mask?

Speaking of True Blood stars . . .

Alexander Skarsgard, a.k.a. Vampire Eric Northman on True Blood

Eric Northman. Now THAT GUY is the epitome of COOL! Not only is his body flawless . . .

. . . but he always seems to know exactly what to say to make the girls’ hearts melt . . .

That vamp is like a Human Panty Dropper!

That being said, I’m not quite sure what exactly he was trying to do here:

Speaking of Super Cool and Sexy Vampires doing ambiguously gay things . . .

Ian Somerhalder, a.k.a. Vampire Damon Salvatore on The Vampire Diaries

If you’ve read this blog before, you already know that I am OBSESSED with Ian Somerhalder, in general, and his character Damon Salvatore, on The Vampire Diaries, specifically. Not only is Damon Salvatore, a Brooding Bad Boy . . .

. . . the Life of the Party . . .

. . . and a Hopeless Romantic . . .

. . . he’s also a FABULOUS DANCER.

So, why, you ask, is HE on this list? Remember what I said earlier about “Half-Naked Dancing,” not necessarily being “Good Dancing?” Well . . .

. . . I rest my case.

In other Bad Dancing Vampire news . . .

David Boreanaz, a.k.a. Angel on Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and Angel), and Booth on Bones

David Boreanaz . . . he’s a pretty cool guy, right? I mean, this is someone who KNOWS how to wear a suit! And yet, he also looks fairly amazing wearing NOTHING AT ALL . . .

Perhaps, we know him best now as the smart, loveable, and adorably snarky Booth on Bones. But, like Ian and Alexander after him, David Boreanaz is no stranger to donning THE FANGS. On both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its spinoff, Angel, David played the sometimes sweet, sometimes evil “Angel” (although, when he was evil they usually called him “Angelus,” weird right?).

Whether Angel was trying to kiss Buffy, or KILL HER, he always looked like a true gentleman doing it . . . except, of course, when he was dancing . . .

GIF provided courtesy of my AWESOME blogging pal Cherie, over at myspideysenseistingling.

Ummm . . . Booth? Perhaps, you better stick to your Day Job of playing with skeletons. Because I’m guessing Dancing with the Stars is not in your future.

Hey, you know who used to be on Angel with David Boreanaz? Vincent Kartheiser!

What a coincidence! Because he made this list too!

Vincent Kartheiser, a.k.a. Pete Campbell on Mad Men

A lot of people don’t like Pete Campbell on Mad Men. They find him slimy, manipulative, whiny and insecure. Well, they are RIGHT! He’s all of those things!

(Although, in his defense, he’s gotten A LOT kinder and gentler, this past season.)

I, for one, have always LOVED Pete. And a lot of that has to do with Vincent Kartheiser‘s amazing acting ability. I just find him so intriguing, and fascinating to watch. Whenever, he’s on screen, I just can’t keep my EYES OFF OF HIM! Unless, of course, he’s dancing. Then, I have to look away . . .

Speaking of Mad Men stars who can’t dance . . .

Jon Hamm, a.k.a. Don Draper of Mad Men

Don Draper, I am very disappointed in you! You just got engaged to Megan!

What the heck are you doing, getting jiggy with Betty White?

I hope you don’t plan on dancing like that at the wedding . . .

Elsewhere in Manhattan . . .

Chace Crawford, a.k.a. Nate Archibald on Gossip Girl

Spotted: A gorgeous rich white boy, teaching us that, just because you were born with a “silver spoon in your mouth,” doesn’t mean your parents ever paid for you to have dance lessons . . .

And, of course, who could forget . . .

John Krasinski, a.k.a. Jim Halpert on The Office

If John Krasinski wasn’t already married to Emily Blunt ~~and if I looked anywhere near as pretty as Emily Blunt~~, I’d totally marry him. This guy is the WHOLE PACKAGE! He’s smart, sweet, funny, caring, and, perhaps, most importantly, a bit of a goofball. Did I mention that he makes this face ALL THE TIME?

ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!

In fact, John Krasinski is almost TOO perfect. I mean, what would I bring to the relationship?

Aha, now I know what I would bring! Two right feet, for his dual left ones . . .

So, you see Fellow Bad Dancers, you are in VERY GOOD COMPANY! There are plenty of successful, attractive, and powerful people, who don’t know there mambos from their cha-chas. Heck, our very own President might be one of them!

But even if your the Worst Dancer in the World, that’s NO EXCUSE not to be dancing! Dancing brings people together. It makes them happy. It gets their hearts racing, in a good way. In short, dancing makes the world go round.

So, don’t worry about looking silly. Just strap on your party shoes, hit the dance floor, and EVERYBODY CUT FOOTLOSE!