Greetings Upper East Siders! Well, it’s been a long and bumpy ride (complete with about 50 bad decisions, 30 meta-references to previous seasons, 25 questionable fashion choices, 3 different Gossip Girls, a car accident, a dead baby, a cyborg wedding, and Dan’s hair).
But we’ve made it to the end of another season of Gossip Girl.
With only ten episodes (and one retrospective) remaining in the entire series, “The Return of the Ring” was arguably GG’s most important episode to date! After all, where each of these characters landed at the end of the episode will undoubtedly play a major role in determining their Ultimate Destination. For some characters, their futures are looking quite bright . . .
For others? Not so much . . .
Let’s review, shall we?
For the Upper East Side’s resident genius . . .
. . . Season 5 (like every season before it) was mainly about the ladies. First there was the Cougar . . .
Then, the Imposter . . .
And, finally the Ingenue . . .
But with Diana out of the Country, Ivy still largely persona non-grata with the NJBC, and Lola headed out of town to be a Flying Monkey or something . . . Nate’s sure to find himself with a pair of these, this summer . . .
And yet that newfound loneliness will give him all the time and energy he needs to set his sights on yet another lady . . . one who’s arguably more important to the Upper East Side than all of Nate’s other recent women combined . . . Gossip Girl.
That’s right! Thanks to a surprise video tip from Diana, our pretty little intrepid journalist might just be hot on GG’s trail. The question is what will he do when he finds her? Take her down? Or take her to bed? The answer to that question will likely comprise Nate’s journey through Gossip Girl’s final season.
Who are we kidding? We know he’s going to f*&k her. XOXO, indeed!
As for Gossip Girl herself, I have a little theory on who she might be . . .
Lately, I’ve been concocting this theory that Minion #1, Penelope has been Gossip Girl, all along. Think about it. She’s the only character that’s been on the show consistently since the pilot episode, who isn’t part of main cast. For five seasons, she’s been close enough to the NJBC to obtain the information she needs to do the job, but distant enough from them to avoid detection.
As further evidence of my case, in this, the latest episode of Gossip Girl, Penelope was found with her well-manicured fingers all over Blair Waldorf’s precious diaries. Later, she allied with the Queen B’s frenemy Serena, to keep Blair from attending the Shepard’s Divorce Party, and possibly reuniting with the Donut. Wouldn’t it be ironic, if the same minion Blair has hired time and time again, to put out the fires Gossip Girl has set on her life, actually ended up being Gossip Girl, herself . .
However, while I’ve been long suspecting Penelope of being the Girl Behind the Laptop, many of YOU have set your sights on another of Nate’s ladies . . .
Never one to be fully comfortable with the World of Wealth and Privilege her family and Nate inhabited, for Lola, the absolute last straw was learning that her Aunt Lily, had sabotaged her mother’s legal defense, by hiring an attorney to take on and subsequently botch her case. So, this week, Lola decided to turn over her recently inherited share of Grandma Cece’s estate to, her former imposter, Ivy, of all people.
(And why not? Cece bequested it to HER, in the first place.) Lola’s only precondition to the payout? That Ivy use it to bring down the Malevolent Lily van der Woodsen Bass Humphrey Bass . . .
As for Lola herself, after turning down Nate’s invitation to move in with her, she ended the episode by heading off on tour with the Broadway show Wicked as a “swing” . . . a.k.a. a perpetual Flying Monkey or munchkin. Rumor has it, we won’t be seeing her again any time soon . . .
Unlike her pseudo alter ego, Lola, Ivy always seemed to fit quite well into the Upper East Side world. In fact, girlfriend was so desperate to fit in, that even after being shunned by the entire VDW clan, a few weeks back, Ivy willing volunteered to play a major part in one of the NJBC’s classic takedown schemes . . . playing a hooker no less. With cash at her disposal, and Revenge on her menu, something tells me Ivy will be a major player on the Upper East Side in Season 6 . . .
Speaking of people with something to prove . . .
Spurned by his wife for the Upper East Side’s undead answer to Montgomery Burns, the UES’ favorite house husband, will probably spend much of the summer holed up in Brooklyn, licking his wounds, and using his recently filed annulment papers as some very expensive toilet paper.
But wimpy as he might be (he is Donut Dan’s dad, after all), something tells me the Elder Humphrey won’t be going down, without a fight. My prediction? He and Lily will reunite, once and for all, in the series finale . . .
Lily van der Woodsen
From her petty (not to mention incredibly greedy) attempts to sabotage her own dead mother’s will . . . to her icy cold treatment of her newfound niece Lola . . . to her intolerance for living anywhere that isn’t the Upper East Side . . . to her callous dismissal of her husband . . .to the malevolent way she sabotaged her own sister’s legal defense, Lily van der Woodsen has been a nearly impossible character to root for this season.
And her recent decision to annul her marriage to Rufus Humphrey, in favor of Comic Book Super Villain
Montgomery Burns Bart Bass certainly doesn’t help matters.
However, I predict that Season 6 will be Lily’s Redemption Story. And that Chuck Bass will play a major role in that. After all, Lily’s care and support of her adopted son is one of the most relatable aspects of her usually chilly character. (It could even be argued, that Lily is a better mother to Chuck than she is to Serena or Eric.)
I’m thinking that when Lily finds out the true story of how Bart vindictively ripped the Empire away from the same son, who recently saved his life, she won’t be keeping the Bass bed warm much longer. Speaking of Bart . . .
This asshat’s in for a major takedown, NJBC-style! I mean, here’s a guy who used his own son’s lifelong love for a woman to rip the business the latter spent years building right out from under him! That’s just cold!
With the Empire back under his sole control, his lady by his side, and the man who tried to have him killed behind bars, Chuck’s dad seems to be riding pretty hight right now.
But the higher they rise, the harder they fall. And with his son and his uncle plotting his demise, something tells me, Season 6 isn’t going to end all that pleasantly for the elder Bass . . .
Speaking of falling from grace . . .
Serena van der Woodsen
The pilot episode of this series began with a UES exiled and drug-addled Serena VDW staring forelornly out a dirty bus window, after getting caught screwing her best friend’s boyfriend on top of a bar at the Shepard’s wedding.
The season 5 finale had Serena making a similar mess of things . . . first by inadvertently leaking her bestie Blair’s diaries to Gossip Girl . . . and later by seducing Blair’s then boyfriend Donut Dan . . . you guessed it . . . on top of a bar at the Shepard’s wedding (She even videotaped it, for heaven sakes). Rejected by her best friend, a prospective employer, and the object of her affection (Donut . . . no accounting for taste), all in one episode, Serena has once again truly hit rock bottom.
And if the final scene of this episode is any indication, she’ll spend the summer snorting nose candy, and getting felt up by drug dealers on trains.
My prediction for Serena in Season 6? An emergency intervention led by all her friends, who, mad as they might be at her right now, love her too much to see her throw her life away like this . . . again.
Oh, and hopefully she’ll end up with Nate. I always really liked those two together . . .
Speaking of people who recently f*&ked Serena . . .
Five seasons, and Dan still hasn’t managed to cut that ridiculous hair.
The Season 5 finale was a “hard” one for the Donut, in more ways than one. Of course, it was no suprise to any of us, that Blair ultimately (FINALLY) ditched Humpty Humphrey for the real love of her life, Chuck Bass.
But Donut didn’t see it coming, deluded as he was by the notion that if he whined hard enough, and gave Blair a sufficient number of ultimatums, she would be bullied into choosing him instead.
Given that, it’s not surprising that Humpty Humphrey spent the second half of the episode getting wasted with Serena, and humping her at a Divorce Party, of all places. After all, when the going gets tough, the tough get f*&ked by their ex’s best friends.
Now, you would think that the Donut would be at least somewhat remorseful of his actions. After all, since Blair hadn’t publicized her choice yet, at the time Dan was screwing Serena, he technically cheated on her. But nooooo . . . Donut remains just as self-righteous as he was in the pilot episode.
And by the episode’s end, he’s literally making a deal with Devil, i.e. Georgina, to evicerate his former Upper East Side friends in a nonfiction expose.
Hey, at least, with Georgina as his snarky co-authoress, Dan’s new book will be better than that lame Dair fanfiction he wrote last year . . .
In other news . . .
Who knew the man most known for having Hep C, whore mongering, and his hotels-for-chicks imbroglio was actually a closet romantic?
After being similarly shafted from the Empire by his much older brother, Jack Bass came to a necessary, if uneasy, alliance with fellow shafted family member, Chuck Bass.
Together, the two hit the casinos in Monte Carlo to win big money, and plot their mutual takedown of the malevolent Bart Bass. But first, Jack has some matters of the heart to take care of . . . Chuck’s heart . . .
Of course, I save the best TWO for last . . .
It’s been a roller coaster of a season for our dear Chuck . . . starting with that whirlwind summer he spent in LA, risking his life on a daily basis, and trying in vain to shield himself from the pain of lost love.
Chuck’s return to the Upper East Side brought with it the reopening of old wounds . . . but it also allowed Chuck to open his heart to someone very special . . .
What followed was Chuck’s redemption story. Early on in the seaon, he vowed to become the man Blair needed him to be, even if she never got the chance to experience it herself.
Eventually, however, Blair DID see Chuck for the changed man he was.
And the two shared a blissful, if short, romantic reunion, one that, unfortunately, ended in the tragedy of Blair’s lost baby, and almost ended Chuck’s life.
Following the accident, Chuck lost Blair again, for patently ridiculous reasons. But it didn’t stop him from supporting her, or for paying the dowry that got her out of that sham of a Cyborg marriage.
As if all that wasn’t enough, Chuck went through a series of weeks, where every day he had a new father, and a different mother. Weird!
But with Blair’s help, Chuck finally figured out his real deep dark family secret . . . His father had been alive all this time! In two weeks time Chuck went from, thinking his father wasn’t his father, to finding out his father was alive, to avenging his father’s fake death, to losing his business to that same father! My head spins just thinking about it.
Given all that he’s been through this season, can you blame Chuck for initially being a bit skeptical of Blair’s decision to FINALLY choose him?
But worry not, Chair fans. We all know it’s not REALLY over until Gossip Girl says, “XOXO!”
Lost and found . . . that’s the way I’d describe Blair’s character arc this season. More than any other character, Blair seemed to have lost her way throughout Season 5. Through her weird, dull, and at- times infuriating courtship with Louis-bot . . .
. . . to her ridiculous and uncharacteristically brief foray into religiosity . . .
. . . to her shocking change of style . . .
. . .to the bizarre way in which she magically decided she loooooooved a Donut, and then just as magically decided that she didn’t . . .
. . . Blair seemed to spend much of the season stumbling around in a fog, trying desperately to reconnect with the sexy, spunky, smart, sassy, and strong woman she’d been for twenty years.
But by the end of Season 5, Blair finally found that woman again.
She used that strength to make positive changes in her life . . . first by agreeing to take on her mother’s business . . . then by ditching deadweight Dan . . . and finally . . . by following her heart.
After watching Chuck chase Blair all season, mostly to no avail, it was so satisfying to see Blair finally come to him, with her heart in her hand, ready to begin their future together.
For Chair fans, like myself, there was nothing more satisfying than watching Blair, in the final moments of the episode, refusing to take no for an answer, and deciding to bet it all on the love of her life.
My prediction for these two, next season? The beginning of a well-earned Happily Ever After . . .
17 responses to “Gossip Girl Season 5 Through the Looking Glass – A look at where all our UES’ers left off, and what this means for the show’s final season . . .”
I completly agree with everything you just said! I have thought for many seasons that Penelope was Gossip Girl. It just makes a lot of sense (but I can’t imagine her getting it on with Nate. Hopefully he becomes less of a slut next season)
By the way, am I the only one who is getting that Gossip Girl is taking notes from Pretty Little Liars? I mean, first they had Gossip Girl and her texting some of the UES from her unknown number. And now, they have a video of her, dressed in the exact same outfit A wore (Black hoodie, Black pants, etc), taking the laptop. And besides, Gossip Girl seems to be always present, so maybe Gossip Girl is secretly Mona Vanderwal? That would be a total mind f**k. And it would be amazing. 🙂
Serena and Dan…….I can’t even begin to speak my thoughts on them. Big mistake. I hope that they can work everything out, and quickly return Serena to her normal self (even if her normal self is a slut. We all know it)
Ohhhhh Lily/Rufus/Bart. I’m so disappointed in you. All of you. Lily has been a heinous bitch this season, and while it’s fun to watch, I hope that she REALLY redeams herself next season. Rufus, just grow a pair, and if you truly love her, fight for her (take notes from Chuck and Blair 🙂 ) Bart…..this is going to sound awful, but please, disappear again. You suck. Even if you being a total ass hat means seeing Jack and Chuck work together ( So. Excited. For. This.) Chuck, who put the man that tried to kill you behind bars, and got you out of hiding, and Jack, who has helped you all these years stay hidden and safe, did not deserve to be completely thrown away by him.
Chuck and Bliar were perfection!!!!!! I can not wait to see their relationship next season, and hope that they really do get their happily ever after! And if they team up to take down his father……… fall can not come soon enough. 🙂
Hey MCRmymember! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting.
Hmm . . . your right, Penelope and Nate might be a kind of strange pairing. On the other hand, it would be a nice way to give the character of GG some depth. After all, the whole time the two of them were screwing, she’d have to be asking herself, “Should I post this on Gossip Girl? Gossip Girl usually posts about the girls Nate screws?” But now he’s screwing ME?”
I loved the comparisons you made between “A” and “GG” (both letter people :)). Actually Penelope kind of reminds me of Mona van der Waahl in a way. She may have even started out as a nerd, before Blair let her set on the steps next to her at the Met. (If that plot twist actually ends up happening, I will laugh so hard!)
Poor Serena! Having sex with Donut Dan must truly be toxic. It made Blair a temporarily bad dresser, without her trademark spunk. And it made Serena a drug addict, who allows herself to get felt up by members of Cobra Starship on dirty trains. 🙂 Come to think of it, if Chuck, Blair and Jack really want to take down Bart Bass, all they have to do is somehow get him to sleep with Dan. 🙂
And last but not least, Chair. I agree with you 100%. I know TV show relationships are all about drama. But Chuck and Blair have already had enough drama to last a life time. It’s another couple’s turn. If next year’s short season is nothing but flowers, candy, and happily ever afters for one of my favorite all-time ships, I say, “BRING IT ON!”
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Chuck and Blair!!!! Can they get anymore amazing? I’m now very interested in finding out who is Gossip Girl, and if Nate manages to do it with his some-what limited brain power, then that will be all the more amazing. I hope they can help Serena, and that Dan will just…….ugh. Stop causing problems? Go into a hole? I don’t even care. Just fix him.
Hey, I know this is kind of random, but i was wondering if you still watched Degrassi? I just noticed that you listed it in your categories, and became very excited, because it has become my latest obsession. The season finale aired on Friday, and it was amazing! I was wondering if you had watched it so we could discuss it.
Hey GossipGirlDegrassiGleePLLluvr! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. I love your screenname, by the way. You clearly have great TV taste.
I did watch the Degrassi finale, and loved it. The Frostival, the reuniting of the “old-school” niner crew, the return of Holly J, Fimogen, EClare . . . it all just made me very happy. It was probably one of the most feel-good episodes of Degrassi the writers have produced in a really long time. The episode made me extra special excited for the show’s summer season. 🙂
Hey! Long time no speak. I love reading your recaps, as always. You make this show so much better than it deserves to be. Really this season was a mess and the plots totally incoherent and really detrimental to the characters we love (Chuck being the exception). I hope the writers can get their act together for season 6, especially with it being concentrated into to 10ish eps. I want my Chair wedding and babies 😉
Hey iszy! Thanks so much for stopping by, and for your kind words and support. I really do appreciate it.
You are right, Season 5 of GG left a lot to be desired, in so many ways. It wasn’t just Blair who lost her way, this season. I think the writers definitely did as well. But then, every once in a while, they’d turn around, and write an episode like “Raiders of the Lost Art,” or a scene like the ones between Chuck and Blair in the finale, and remind us about why we fell in love with this show in the first place.
I do have a lot of high hopes for the series’ final season. For one thing, a new showrunner will give the show some of the fresh perspective it needs. For another, I actually think the limited episode order will help the writers to stay on task, both in getting the characters to their desired end game, and to paying as much homage as possible to earlier seasons. In short, no more floundering ridiculousness, because they are afraid of getting Chuck and Blair together too soon.
Which brings me to my last point, Chuck and Blair are together now. And hopefully, they’ll BE together through the season finale. Because, as you said, a Chair wedding, and some Baby Basses would be mighty nice. 😉
missed your recaps 🙂 another brilliant and funny recap! The season was a mess and sucked big time but the ending of finale was amazing ❤ so looking forward to Chuck&Blair building their futures together <333
Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting, ds! I was really satisfied by the finale too . . . well, at least the Chair part of it.. 🙂 These two have been through so much together. Here’s hoping Season 6 allows them to finally bask in the glow of their mutual happiness. Let someone else take the helm for angst and drama for a change. (Donut and Serena, for example). 😉
I just finished watching The Return of the Ring, and I just realized Dan IS Gossip Girl!! I can´t believe it! I know it sounds like a stretch, but the person on Nate’s video is a boy. That night Dan followed Blair to the brothel, and was wearing similar clothes as the person in the video. Besides he has ALWAYS been a hater of the UES, and his whole literary production is based in speculation and gossip. Dan is such a troll.
I also find very interesting how both Lily and Serena fell on the dark side at the end of this season. Serena had it coming, because she is an idiot. But Lily is so Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde. One episode she’s all nice, next five episodes she’s a massive bitch willing to blow the mummy Bart Bass. But I still think it was good for her to get rid of Rufus, he is so dull.
I predict that they both will start next season as fucked up train wrecks, and will eventually go to rehab, Lily cuz she is obviously falling in a downward spiral of alcoholism and pills, and Serena is a cocked out herpes mess.
Ps, Thank you for your awesome recaps! they are so funny to read!
Hey loop loop! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. Hmmm . . . Donut as Gossip Girl . . . interesting. For one thing, it would mean that he had read Blair’s diary before pressuring her to go to Italy with him, even though he already knew she never loved him, and always loved Chuck. Slimey!
It would also make his conversation with Georgina at the end of the episode make a lot more sense. As Gossip Girl, Donut would have more than enough information to truly eviscerate the UESer’s in his next novel. Heck, if Donut could pull off writing as a woman for 5 years, I’d actually be pretty impressed . . . way more impressed than I was with that lame Dair fanfiction, Inside. 🙂
I also think you might be right about Lily. The writing of her character has been incredibly inconsistent these past couple of seasons. An alcohol or pill addiction might serve to explain some of that away. 🙂
Lots of good ideas, Loop Loop. You know, part of me thinks if you were running the show instead of Safran, we might not have fallen below a million viewers. 🙂 Thanks for talking GG with me! 😉
Ok, I know I’m quite “late”, since the episode aired two weeks ago, but these last few weeks were so stressful that I didn’t have the time to stop by and comment properly. So now I will absolutely make up for it.
Well, season 5 just ended and there are only 11 episodes left before the series ends. This is so sad, since for me, it’s like a chapter of my life being closed, not just with regard to the show, but also with regard to my teenage years. In fact, the show started when I started high school and now it is going to finish when I finish school.
This season was overall awful and full of inconsitencies, but it also gave me some of the best Chair moments, such as 5×06, 5×10, 5×13, 5×22, 5×23 and 5×24 (these are the most important ones). I got emotional and cried everytime I saw Chuck suffer (which means, unfortunately, several times), and I was so angry at Blair when she was the cause of all this pain. I never thought I would have ever said that, but there were times when I hated Blair and her inconsistency. I know that she was facing a difficult moment, not knowing what she wanted to do, but she played Chuck too many times and now she deserves to chase him a little bit.
As far as Serena is concerned, I feel very sympathetic for her. At the very beginning of the show I actually didn’t care of what she was doing, but now, I feel like she has suffered too much.
Nate, after 5 years, still hasn’t a good and wothy-to-be-seen storyline, except from sleeping with every girl on the show. I mean, he almost slept with his BF’s mom (thank God it turned out that it wasn’t true)!
Well, I like the fact that Rufus and Lily aren’t together anymore, since I really hate him. On the other hand, I didn’t like Bart’s behaviour, not being even slightly grateful towards Chuck. At the beginning, I thought that maybe the two of them could develop a healthy father/son relationship, but after a few minutes I was really disappointed.
And what about Dan? Well, he proved my opinion 100% – he really is a douche. He treated Serena so badly, in five years didn’t pay the consequences of his actions not even once and now he acts like he was played by the entire UES? Wake up, boy, it was also your fault!
My wishes for season 6? Lots of Chair and NJBC moments, hoping that Blair will win Chuck’s heart soon (I mean, the writers kept “off screen” so many important storylines, so why can’t they skip most of the chase and let us see some Chair happiness?); Dan’s takedown and awareness of his bad choices, otherwise I just hope that he will stay in Rome forever; Serena’s redemption, because I hate seeing her so devastated; more focus on Nair friendship, since they don’t share so many moments together as friends and it’s a shame; Nate having a more interesting storyline; Blerena being fixed for good, since they are the core of the show.
Well, I would like to finish saying that your recap was as usually funny and witty (I liked the fact you used some Italian expressions, since I’m Italian!) and that I just hope I wasn’t too long and tedious!
I can’t wait to read your recaps next fall! I have the feeling that it will be an amazing season!
Hey Elisa! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. I adored your analysis of the season, and all of it’s characters. I’m always impressed by how brilliant, witty, kind and supportive GG fans are. We’re the best. The writers and producers of the show should really appreciate us more. 🙂
You bring up a great point about the ending of GG being bittersweet for so many of us fans, for whom the show has been a part of our lives for the past five years. We’ve all really grown up with these characters. In a sense they’ve become sort of like old friends, or family members. Sure, we get annoyed and frustrated with them, sometimes. But we still love them, and want the best for them. (Well . . . except for Dan . . . it’s hard for me to love Dan. :))
You bring up a great point about the writers hopefully speeding up Chuck’s and Blair’s reconciliation offscreen. With 11 episodes left, I could really use my Chair happy ending. Surely, some other characters could have a turn at the angst for a change, right? 😉
For what it’s worth, I suspect that the season premiere will jump off at the end of the summer. And we’ll find Chuck and Blair still in Europe in the blissful throes of coupledom. After all, you saw the way Chuck was looking at Blair, when he found out she followed him all the way to Monaco. Something tells me she probably didn’t have to chase him that hard. 😉
As for Serena, as badly as she’s been behaving these past few episodes, I do hope she finds her happiness. I was hoping it would be with Nate. But at this point, that relationship might seem a bit out of left field. 🙂
I’m also kind of eager to see Chuck and Jack unite to bring down Bart Bass. You are right, Elisa. Chuck deserved a happy family reunion, after all he did for his father. But clearly Bart Bass doesn’t know how to love anyone but himself. And, if that’s the case, I hope that Chuck and Jack bring him down once and for all. Perhaps, once they’ve reclaimed the company, they can, let him work as a hotel manager or bellhop. Some manual labor would be good for him. 🙂
Like you, I have high hopes for the conclusion of the series. Us fans have made it very clear to the writers and producers what will satisfy us, in terms of happy endings for our favorite characters. So, I’d like to think that the GG staff will pay tribute to our long-running support of the show, by making those happy endings happen. 🙂
Eagerly waiting for your Gossip Girl S06 recaps.. This is the last season with just 11 episodes. Please dont give up on GG now.. That too its CHAIRVILLE now. Awesome Chair scenes, Dan getting slapped twice and getting kicked out of Empire by Nate!!!!!!! I am waiting to hear from you on this.
Hi, I know it’s been months and you probably are never ever going to write anything about GG again. Like, ever. But remember how I said Dan was Gossip Girl? in the commentary above? What do you think now?? This season has been quite frustrating, if not for the past 2 episodes, which show us how Dan is a sociopath capable of lying to everyone’s face.
Are you going to watch the final episode? Your recaps were the best.
Hey loop loop! I was actually planning on writing something about the GG finale. 🙂 My feelings about these final episodes have been mostly negative, which is one of the reasons, I’ve been refraining from writing recaps thus far. I feared my reviews might come off as more mean-spirited and whiny than humorous. 🙂
That said, I’ve been a GG fan (and a Chair fan) since way back in Season 1. And I doubt I’ll be able to leave the show forever, without saying one final goodbye. And besides, the writers wouldn’t be dumb enough to end the finale without giving us one heck of a Chair sendoff, would they? 🙂
OMG! Henry Bass! He has made it all worth while. Spin off!
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