As the New Year approaches, I suspect that many of you are taking this time to reflect on the year past. Perhaps, you are even wondering how you might be able to improve your life in the upcoming year.
Meh! Self-reflection is overrated, I say. As for me? I prefer to use this time to think back on all the hot new fictional TV characters I’ve met this past year, and decide which ones are worthy of being added to my ever-growing TV Boyfriend List . . .
Now, I’m the first to admit that, when it comes to TV Boyfriends, I tend to be a bit on the slutty side (sometimes “dating” as many as twenty television characters at once) . . .
Nevertheless, making it onto my List is still a rather competitive process for prospective faux-beaus. After all, I’ve watched A LOT of television, during my time on this planet. As a result, there are characters on my List that have been getting into my increasingly crowded panties, since the late 90’s. (I’m looking at you, Pacey Witter.)
So, if a TV character wants to date me, he better be pretty damn special. Because, when it comes to fictional men, I’ve literally seen it all!
Nonetheless, 2011 ended up being a pretty great year for TV Boyfriends. New additions to my List run the gamut from fairytale characters, to warlocks, to bartenders. I even managed to squeeze a little person in there!
So, without further adieu, I proudly present to you (in no particular order) my Ten New TV Boyfriends of 2011 . . .
1. Wade Kinsella – Hart of Dixie
Who plays him: Wilson Bethel
Why we’re “dating”:
Just like Hart of Dixie’s own Zoe Hart, I’m both a city girl, and a native East Coaster. And whether or not we like to admit it, us East Coast girls can be a bit high strung. We could really use a laidback, small town, southern guy to keep us grounded, and prevent us from “sweating the small stuff.” Whether he’s playing video games, jamming on his guitar, or cooking up a prize-winning pot of gumbo, Wade is a guy who knows how to have a good time.
Wade is a man’s man, through and through. He doesn’t put on airs, or stand on ceremony. You can always count on him to be straight and honest with you, whether or not you necessarily want him to be. He’s also quite the ladies’ man, not that this should be any surprise . . .
And yet, Wade has a soft side too. He cares about his family and his friends. And he can always be counted on to lend a helping hand, when they really need him. And as much as he might mess around with the local floozies, deep down, I think Wade is a one-woman man, as evidenced by his adorable, suffer-in-silence pining over one, Zoe Hart.
Moments when he won my heart:
*When he kissed Zoe to “calm her down” . . .
*When he sang Moon River with his drunken dad to get him down from a roof ledge . . .
*When he cooked a prize-winning gumbo pot for Zoe, but let her take all the credit for it . . .
*When he offered to drive Zoe to the airport, in a tacit admission that he had feelings for her . . .
*When he called out George for leading Zoe on, when the two spent the night in jail . . .
*When he told Zoe that she taught others how to be “amazing” . . .
For your consideration:
2. Nick Miller – New Girl
Who plays him: Jake Johnson
Why we’re “dating”:
There’s just something super endearing about a grumpy guy . . . especially when you are one of the few people that can make him smile. Like many of us, Nick is still figuring some things out about his life. He’s a smart guy, and a law school graduate, but he isn’t quite sure what career path he wants to take. He’s a “relationship guy,” but he just got out of a devastating relationship, and might not be quite ready to fall in love again . . .
However, Nick doesn’t let these shortcomings detract from who he is as a person. If anything, his self-deprecating sense of humor, and good-humored, if slightly sarcastic, take on life makes him more relatable and approachable. This is likely why most of the roommates in the house go to Nick first for advice. And yet, as wise and grounded as Nick can be, he’s not afraid to let his adorkable flag fly, when it’s warranted, or when his friends need a good laugh.
As a friend, Nick’s a pretty considerate guy . . . one who almost always puts his friends needs before his own. And even though he can tend to be a bit jealous sometimes, he never lets that get in the way of his friendships. Oh, and I almost forgot, like Wade, Nick is a bit of a “piner.” And the way he looks at Jess, when he thinks nobody is watching will most definitely turn you to mush. . .
Moments when he won my heart:
* When he convinced his roommates to leave a hot party, so that they could all serenade a recently stood up Jess . . .
*The way he looked at Jess, the first time he saw her in a dress . . .
*When he “fixed” the house soap dispenser, by attaching a wooden spoon to it . . .
*When he got super jealous of Jess and Paul, but still followed them to the back of the shopping line on Black Friday, so they wouldn’t be left out . . .
*When his feet pointed at Jess, wherever she went (a sure sign of attraction, if ever there was one) 😉 . . .
*When he missed Christmas with his parents to bring Jess to Candy Cane Lane, so that she could see the “pretty lights” . . .
For your consideration:
3. Derek Hale – Teen Wolf
Who plays him: Tyler Hoechlin
Why we’re “dating”:
Derek Hale really is the best of both worlds. He’s dark and dangerous . . . yet highly moral, loyal, and fiercely protective of those he cares about. He’s masculine and tough, yet sensitive and vulnerable. He’s got a bit of a temper, but he’s also surprisingly funny, and an exceptionally patient teacher. He’s kind of a loner. And yet he’s no stranger to “pack mentality.” He can be cold and aloof sometimes, yet warm and caring other times.
Though Derek’s been hurt and betrayed in the past by those he loved, this hasn’t stopped him from caring about others, and looking out for their best interest. Derek is the kind of boyfriend, who would always make you feel safe and protected, but would never be too clingy or overbearing. He’d always be there for you, when you needed him, but would be willing to give you space when you didn’t. I mean, so what if he sometimes gets hairy, and howls at the moon? We all have our idiosyncrasies!
And have you SEEN this guy’s body? It’s genuinely mesmerizing . . .
Moments when he won my heart:
*Every time he rescued damsel-in-distress Scott from certain doom . . .
*His sexy homoerotic “locker press” with Jackson . . .
*His surprising show of vulnerability with Kate, and when he found his sister’s corpse . . .
*His hilarious exchanges with Stiles, most notably, that one time Stiles tried to “pimp” him out to his gay friend . . .
*When he did pull ups half-naked, in his ramshackle house . . . (THANK YOU MTV!)
For your consideration:
4. Sheriff Graham / The Huntsman – Once Upon a Time
Who plays him: Jaime Dornan
Why we’re “dating”:
Having literally had his heart crushed by an evil queen, Sheriff Graham may not have been long for TV land, but he will most certainly live happily ever after in our hearts. An animal lover, with expert aim (which can come in VERY handy, if you catch my drift), plenty of energy in the sack, and a high tolerance for liquor, this hard working public servant will most certainly be keeping you warm and happy during those long cold nights in Storybrooke. Did I mention he has an adorable accent, and a sexy voice that will make you go weak at the knees every time he opens his mouth?
But lest you think my relationship with the Sheriff is just superficial, I can also tell you that, despite what he might tell you to the contrary, Sheriff Graham has a good heart. He’s a hero, a protector, and a savior of those in need. Plus, despite his murky past, and dubious history, he’s managed to stay surprisingly innocent. There’s an almost childlike quality about him that’s quite refreshing. Perhaps, that comes from spending so many years inside a children’s book . . .
Moments when he won my heart:
*When he drunkenly kissed Emma for the first time . . .
*When he (as the Huntsman) beat up some barmen for talking smack about wolves . . .
*When he (as the Huntsman) was brought to tears by Snow White’s letter, and ultimately spared her life . . .
*When he sat with young Henry and learned about his history in Fairytale World . . .
*When he finally got up the courage to dump the Mayor’s ass . . .
*When he lovingly kissed Emma for the second time, just moments before his heart . . . turned to dust.
*Anytime he wore those super tight pants . . .
For your consideration:
5. Tyrion Lannister – Game of Thrones
Who plays him: Peter Dinklage
Why we’re dating:
This may seem like an odd choice to some. But hey, I’m only 5’3”. So, height has never really been an issue for me. (Also, I hate wearing high heels . . .) Though I despise most of his family members (which means we could probably never marry), Tyrion himself is a terrific catch, in my eyes. He’s exceptionally smart, amazingly resourceful, exceedingly wealthy, uproariously funny, honest almost to a fault, and surprisingly honorable.
Though he comes from a very powerful family, Tyrion is most certainly not a snob. In fact, he often acts as a champion for the weak and less fortunate. Though not necessarily the most able-bodied of the bunch, Tyrion can use his intelligence and wit to get himself out of even the stickiest of situations. And he knows how to get what he wants.
On top of that, Tyrion is a blast to hang out with. He drinks like a fish, curses like a sailor, screws like an Adonis, and always has a joke or hilarious story handy, when the party is getting too stale. In a world that is dark, bleak, and filled with war, Tyrion never takes himself or the situations in which he finds himself too seriously. Optimistic, fun-loving, and good-natured, this is exactly the kind of guy, you want on your side, especially when “winter is coming” . . .
Moments when he won my heart:
* When he helped the newly crippled Bran come to terms with his paralysis . . .
*When he told the story of his first love . . .
*When he confessed to ALL of his sins, in front of the Moon Door . . .
*When he won a fierce deadly battle, despite being unconscious for most of it . . .
*When he proved that at least one Lannister, does, in fact, always pay his debts . . .
For your consideration:
6. Schmidt – New Girl
Who plays him: Max Greenfield
Why we’re “dating”:
Sure, he owns a Douchebag Jar, sometimes wears women’s kimonos, and gets a bit persnickety about his cooking, but, rest assured, if you are hanging out with Schmidt, you’re going to be having a great time. You will also be laughing a lot . . . sometimes with him . . . sometimes at him. A notorious ladies man, who’s clearly very comfortable with his sexuality, Schmidt feels just as comfortable being “one of the girls,” as he does being “one of the guys.” Whether he’s at a baby shower, a wedding, or playing Sexy Santa at the office Christmas function, Schmidt is always sure to be the life of the party. He’s also an impeccable dresser, with great hair. So, if you are ever in need of fashion tips, he’s your guy. (Just don’t let him choose your perfume . . .)
As if all that wasn’t enough, Schmidt is also super sweet and an unabashed romantic . . . when he’s not being douchey, that is!
Moments when he won my heart:
*When he watched Curly Sue with Jess . . .
*When he singlehandedly saved a baby shower, by getting everybody (except for the mother-to-be) completely wasted . . .
*When, at the same party, he drank out of a giant baby bottle . . .
*When he admitted to not liking to sleep alone . . .
*When he saved Thanksgiving Dinner . . .
*When he played Sexy Santa at the Office Christmas Party . . .
*When he bought Cece her own personal perfume. (Regardless of how bad it smelled, it’s the thought that counts, PEOPLE!)
*When he made this dating video . . .
For your consideration:
7. Owen Sleater – Boardwalk Empire
Who plays him: Charlie Cox
Why we’re “dating”:
Every girl wants a bad boy. And Owen Sleater’s as bad as they come. A hit man, and professional “enforcer,” Owen has no qualms about stealing, committing murder, or sleeping with another man’s betroved. Don’t let his sweet smile, boyish good looks, and adorable accent fool you. Owen is a very dangerous man. He’s strong, smart, incredibly resourceful, and can be very manipulative when he wants to be.
But Owen Sleater can also be a true gentleman, one who sweeps ladies off of their feet, with his incredible acts of kindness, declarations of adoration, shameless flirtation, and calm, self-assured nature. Owen might have a criminal’s brain, and a killer’s body, but he has a lover’s heart, and deep down, I think, a good soul. Like many of the men on this list, Owen is a caretaker, and a protector. And he’s going to make one lucky lady very happy some day . . . if he doesn’t get himself killed first . . .
Moments when he won my heart:
*His surprisingly awkward, and adorably cute, early flirtations with Margaret . . .
*His surprisingly friendly standoff at gunpoint with Richard Harrow . . .
*The sexy, and brilliant way he explained the inner workings of the explosives he was making to blow up Mickey’s liquor distillery . . .
*How he told Margaret that he was hers to “command” . . .
*The way he always looks at Margaret . . .
*The fierce growl he let out, when he finally had his way with Margaret . . .
*The look on his face, when he found out Emily was diagnosed with polio . . .
*The way he helped Margaret fix Emily’s leg braces . . .
*The solemn, and slightly sad, look on his face, as he acted as a witness to Margaret’s and Nucky’s wedding . . .
For your consideration:
8. Charles Meade – The Secret Circle
Who plays him: Gale Harold
Why we’re dating:
If Owen Sleater is a “bad boy,” Charles Meade is arguably an “evil man.” When he ignited the fire that killed his supposed long-time friend Amelia Blake, in the pilot episode of The Secret Circle, I got chills. When he used a crystal to turn Jane Blake into a Stepford Wife / zombie in more recent episodes, I gasped. Charles is an incredibly powerful warlock, one that will stop at nothing to get what he wants. The fact that his motives for doing the things he does are, as of yet, not entirely clear, make him even more frightening . . . and intriguing.
That said, people are not all good, or all bad. Most tend to reside within the shades of grey, and Charles Meade is no exception. We’ve seen this man experience extreme guilt, and even have an emotional breakdown, as a result of his part in the accidental death of Nick Armstrong. We’ve also seen him show love and concern for his daughter Diana, and affection for his longtime friend and fellow coven-mate Dawn.
Aside from all that, there’s just something about Charles Meade that makes me think that he lives by a rather rigid moral code. He seems to truly believe that the things he’s doing are in service of the greater good. Many times he’s even expressed disapproval toward Dawn, when she behaved particularly rashly, or hurt someone he felt didn’t need to be hurt. This evidence leads me to believe that Charles Meade’s motives might be more benevolent than many viewers assume them to be . . .
Besides, there are plenty of perks to dating a sexy, strong, mysterious warlock. I mean, when you think about it, the possibilities are absolutely endless . . .
Moments when he won my heart:
*When he broke down, following Nick’s death . . .
*Anytime he uses his sexy, eargasmic, spell-casting voice . . .
*During his flirtations with Dawn . . .
*During his father/daughter moments with Diana . . .
For your consideration:
9. Prince Charming / James – Once Upon a Time
Who plays him: Joshua Dallas
Why we are “dating”:
There’s a reason the phrase “Prince Charming” has come to embody the Ideal Man. He’s strong, heroic, debonair, dashing, incredibly handsome, and, let’s not forget, how his KISSES SAVE LIVES! And yet, admittedly, in children’s books, I always found the character of Prince Charming to be kind of wooden, and woefully personality-free. Fortunately, in Once Upon a Time, the writers have managed to come up with a character who actually lives up to his name . . .
Unlike the traditional, born-with-a-silver-spoon-in-his-mouth fairytale prince, our Prince Charming lived most of his life as a poor, sheep herder, in a remote town. He worked hard, took care of his mother, who he loved dearly, and expected very little out of life. In this new world post-recession world of 99%ers, where most of us “have-nots” deeply resent the “haves,” the fact that Prince Charming came from humble beginnings, and can, therefore appreciate the riches bestowed on him in later life is deeply refreshing.
And if that didn’t make him loveable enough, Prince Charming is also a dragon slayer, who put his life at risk to save an entire kingdom, and gave up his happiness to save his own mother’s life, when he agreed to marry a woman he did not love. But what really makes Prince Charming an excellent TV Boyfriend is the way he behaves around Snow White. With a disarming smile, sharp wit, and adorable banter, both Prince Charming and his Storybrooke counterpart James managed to bust through this slightly jaded woman’s firm walls and found his way deep into her heart.
Prince Charming literally lights up whenever he sees or speaks to Snow White. And yet, there relationship isn’t cliched or cheesy. They are both very strong willed, head strong, and slightly snarky individuals, who have fought hard for everything they have, and are inherently skeptical of those for whom things come easy. There’s is the kind of love for which everybody secretly wishes . . . the kind of love that makes you believe in fairytales . . .
And who doesn’t want a little fairytale in their lives, every now and then?
Moments when he won my heart:
*When he rescued his knights, and singlehandedly slayed a dragon, without any battle training whatsoever . . .
*During his heartfelt goodbye to his mother . . .
*When he “captured” Snow White . . .
*When he flirted with Snow White . . .
*When he helped Snow White battle the trolls . . .
*When (in Storybrooke), he came to Snow White / Mary Margaret’s school to declare his love for her . . .
*When he lost his own life (in fairytale land) to save his wife, and baby Emma . . .
*Everytime he said “I’ll always find you,” to Snow White . . .
For your consideration:
10. Matty McKibben – Awkward
Who plays him: Beau Mirchoff
Why we are “dating”:
Sometimes in our lives, we are looking to find our Prince Charming, and have our fairytale. Other times, we’d much rather date someone normal, with flaws, insecurities, and imperfections . . . someone like us. What’s so great about Matty McKibben is that he’s so incredibly real. Way too often television shows make teenagers act and look like people in their late twenties. But Matty McKibben is a genuine high school guy . . . a guy who most likely reminds you of someone you went to high school with, crushed on, and maybe even were lucky enough to date . . .
In the pilot episode of Awkward, Matty is depicted as your typical popular high school jock. He’s good looking. He’s athletic. He goes to the best parties, and dates the prettiest girls. He has sex with Jenna Hamilton that first time, more on impulse than, as a result of any sort of strong feeling he has for her. And he keeps their relationship a secret, because it’s easier that way, considering the fact that they come from different social circles.
And in a typical high school drama, that would pretty much be the end of the story. The “Jenna” character would inevitably find out that the “Matty” character is shallow, and using her for sex, so she would leave him for a “nicer” guy. But real life isn’t that simple, and, fortunately, neither is this show. As the series progresses, we get to know more about Matty McKibben. What we learn is that he’s actually pretty good guy . . . someone who’s loyal to his friends, to the point of being willing to give up love for their sake . . . someone who truly cares about Jenna, and tries to do right by her, in the best way that he knows how.
Throughout the series, we watch Matty learn from his relationship with Jenna, and grow from a seemingly dimwitted and shallow jock, to a surprisingly smart and thoughtful boyfriend. And in the end, when Jenna chooses the “nice guy,” our heart can’t help but break a bit for Matty, who, as it turns out, is actually pretty “nice,” himself . . . not to mention, smokin’ hot.
Moments when he won my heart:
*When he drove Jenna home from the football game on her birthday, and helped her toss out her not-so-lucky socks . . .
*When he finally told Jenna he wanted to make their relationship official . . .
*When he took Jenna to his parents’ restaurant on their first official date . . .
*When he bonded with Jenna’s friends, and gave them guy advice . . .
*The mixture of jealousy and friendly sympathy he showed, when he learned about his best friend, Jake’s feelings for Jenna . . .
*When we found out about the sweet way Matty planned to “ask” Jenna to formal . . .
*The resigned look of heartbreak and devastation on Matty’s face at Winter Formal, following Jenna’s tacit rejection . . .
For your consideration:
(Sorry, MTV is surprisingly stingy, about allowing scenes from Awkward to exist on YouTube. So, this was the best I could do. That said, you could watch the entire series on MTV.com!)
And there you have it . . . my Ten New TV Boyfriends of 2011. So, who’s on YOUR list?
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Snarky Goes to Hollywood!
The Exquisite Corpse
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