Teen-ier Wolf – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s “The Benefactor”

freshmen right

Ever wondered what your favorite werewolf teen show would be like if Jackson was its sometimes-furry protagonist, Danny was his kind-hearted gay sidekick.  And Some Douchey Blonde Jock (one of the Alpha Twins, perhaps?) and his girlfriend were his “super cool” pals, who secretly wanted to decapitate him for some extra cash at the mall?

hot jackson

If so, then I proudly present to you, “The Benefactor,” an Alt-World version of the Teen Wolf we know and love, complete with an Entirely New Cast, who Scott and Co. have generously volunteered to babysit for the next hour or so . . .

the new class

Not sold yet?  Did I mention the episode involves a Party?

heard party

dancing stiles moon

Let’s review, shall we?

[As always, special thanks to Andre, for all the glorious screencaps you see here , he may not have an age-inappropriate crush on Liam, like some of us (not me, definitely not me] ladies do, but he sure knows how to capture Scott’s Mini-Me in all his barely post-pubescent glory.]

Tie me up, tie me down . . .

Mere hours have passed since Sexy-but-in-the-need-of-some-serious-Orthodontia Sean was iced by Mouthless Morty on the roof of Beacon Hills Hospital (a.k.a. The Place Where Otherwise Healthy, or Mildly Injured People Go to Get Murdered by Psychopaths), and Scott accidentally bit young Liam while trying to save him from falling to his death from the roof of a tall building using (naturally) his mouth . . .

teeth

dentures-in-water-lg

nap time perpetuall

“I’ve earned this dirt nap.”

Sheriff Stilinski has politely shooed away his well-meaning, but generally useless, apart from the occasional “red-shirt” murder, clan of Keystone cops, so self-proclaimed “cannibal expert” Derek Hale can case the crime scene.

smells like teen spirit

Smells like Teen Spirit.

“Someone else was here,” Derek remarks sagely.  “He was young, attractive, not-legal, vaguely resembled Jackson from Seasons 1 and 2, and was apparently bleeding like a stuck pig, all over the damn roof.”

confused liam

“Who me?  Couldn’t be?”

“Good to know,” replies Sheriff Stilinski, who, unbeknownst to him, just so happens to be harboring the adorable twink in his bathtub.  (I hope they used Scrubbing Bubbles first!)

Soap%20on%20a%20Rope%20thumbnail

The definition of a good friend is someone who won’t judge you, even after you tell them you bit a freshman boy on the arm, tied his hands, arms, legs, and lips together with duct tape, and, without permission, dumped him in said good friend’s shower for safe keeping . . .

rubber duckie

“Can someone at least toss me a rubber duckie?  He makes bathtime so much more fun!”

rub my ducky

In case it is not already readily apparent, Stiles Stilinski is a saint for putting up with all of Scott’s sh*t  over the past three seasons.  (But, in Scott’s defense, the furry pal was surprisingly understanding, back when Stiles was going through his whole Evil Japanese Spirit Phase.)

i was going to take a shower

“Dammit Scott, I really wanted to take a shower!

What I loved about this scene was how totally uncomfortable Scott and Stiles became at the site of Liam’s Crocodile Tears, when they were trying to explain to the kid why they felt it necessary to kidnap his ass and deprive him of the use of his limbs.

behave

“Now you behave!”

da fuck

“Says the guy who just kidnapped me, thereby committing a felony . . .”

(It is a universal truth that men are as skeeved out by the sight of people crying, as they are by even the most remote mention of women’s “monthly changes.”)

ew face

“Ewwww emotions, gross!”

Liam, apparently, knew this.  (Maybe he has sisters?)  And used it to his advantage, getting Scott and Stiles to untie his ass, and drop their guard, just long enough for him to smack them on the heads with a chair, and make his death-defying escape.

chair

“You just got chair-ed, chumps!”

“What the heck is your problem, Liam?”  Stiles whined, clearly offended by the rudeness of his hostage, who left without even thanking his captors for their hospitality.  (That tub was sparkling clean!  Not that self-absorbed Liam would notice!)

that went a whole lot better in my head

“Does this mean you don’t want to borrow my bathrobe?”

Meanwhile, in a sparsely furnished apartment, where no one ever heard of a lamp, downtown . . .

Don’t Worry Peter.   Derek is next .  . .

Question, what’s the first thing you do when you enter an apartment, and know for a fact that no one else is home?

looking good peter hale

“Hello Darkness, my old friend.”

You know what I do?  I TURN ON LIGHTS!  LOTS OF THEM!  It’s a pesky little idiosyncrasy of mine: I like to see where I’m going, make sure there aren’t any mouthless axe murderers with laptop computers that make their voices sound like Darth Vader, lying In wait for my arrival . . .

check out my new outfit

 

“If no one turns on the lights, how can they appreciate my swanky new outfit!”

Not Peter though, “Hi Honey, I’m home,” he calls out, arms outstretched, as if waiting for a big ole dudebro hug from his nephew Derek, or an axe in the chest from Mouthless Morty, whichever comes first . . .

that stings

“This kind of stings.  Not going to lie.”

What sucks for Peter is that, in this particular instance, he seems to just be a guy in the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time.  Despite the fact that seemingly everybody and there mother would like to brutally murder Peter, in this instance, Mouthless Morty just finds this Scar to Derek’s Mufasa, a trifling inconvenience, a non-worthwhile target, which is why he axes him in the chest, as opposed to the carotid artery, a shot to maim, not to kill . . . a message to the True Target that his days are numbered  . . ..

better i know what you

shhhh

Speaking of Scar and Mufasa, let’s check back in on our little Simba Scott and his cubbie pals, shall we?

baby simba

50 Shades of Malia

Sheriff Stilinski has learned a lot since Season 1, like, for example, not to question his son, when he’s trying out a new-old set of chains on his new-soon-to-be-old girlfriend .  . .

not what you think

dont want to know

Hey Stilinski, considering how every single other one of your furry friends has managed to escape from your sorry attempts at bondage during the full moon, don’t you think it’s time to splurge on something . . . I don’t know, a little stronger, perhaps?

chains

chain yank

3 5 chained mike

Or, at least, a matching set of whips and some chaps.  What kind of sadist, doesn’t wear chaps?  A second rate one, that’s who!

Speaking of Malia, Kira gently suggests to Lydia that the reason their new gal pal is failing pre-calc, might be the ridiculously incomprehensible notes with which genius Lydia is providing her every single school night . . .

the key

“You know what we can really use right about now, a key.”

“I’ve been a bit distracted, lately,” admits a guilty-looking Lydia, who has most certainly not been deliberately sabotaging the studies of her former male love interest, as a way to get her left back a grade, and out of the social circle, no sir!

lydia smirk

In other news, did someone say, “Keys to an abandoned Lake House on the night of a Full Moon?”

I don’t know about you, but I sure smell an Underage Orgy in the making .  . .

not an orgy - Copy

Speaking of unseemly scents .  . .


“The Bite is the Gift . . . that Keeps on Giving  .  . . Like Herpes, or HPV”

Hey Liam, I know that riding the bus to school isn’t exactly a surefire path to high school popularity, but neither is stumbling into homeroom drenched in stress sweat, after sprinting a 5K on a leg you supposedly recently broke during lacrosse practice . .  .

running man li

“Can I interest you in borrowing some Old Spice Body Spray?   It made a man out of me, just like the commercial said!”

So, remember that time when Derek stalked Scott around school, spouting out Yoda-like pearls of wisdom, including sparkling pearls of wisdom like “The bite is a gift,” and “Your life is about to undergo some serious changes.”

scary derek

But we weren’t at all supposed to find it creepy, because Derek owned a leather jacket and looked like this, without his shirt on?

ep 9 yeah shirtless derek

Yeah, this isn’t quite working for Scott . . .

ill be watching you

the gift

4 4 quit stalking

Face it, McCall, you are never going to be a Cool Hot Older Brother Figure like Derek, or a Suave Snarky Evil Uncle like Peter, if you want Little Liam to listen to you, disarm him, the way you do everyone else on this show, with your Magical Nerd Charms . . .

ephemeral

. . . or, just pimp out your hot Asian girlfriend and her “adorable” inability to walk on two legs, without falling on her face . . .

walk

fall

party

love it

“Teeny Wolf like, a lot!”

You wouldn’t like Li, when he’s angry . . .

So,you say you have a new young friend with “Anger Management Issues,” who is going through some “personal stuff” that just so happens to coincide with the night of the full moon?

scott dog dish

wolf pack turne

No big deal, just try to chain him up in a secluded area, in a close proximity to Lots of Innocent Teenagers!

After all, it worked out so well .  . . All Those Other Times, remember?

wake uppppp stiles

As enamored as Liam may, at first, be with Kira, a.k.a  She Who Sexy Walks in Slow Motion, Before Falling Flat on her Face, and inviting random freshmen to her party, that fascination quickly fades when she brings him to what seriously looks like the Worst Party Ever, hosted by none other than, the Creepy Guy Who Bit Him in the Arm, and the Other Creepy Guy Who Helped Keep Him Tied Up in the Bathtub.

worst party ever

headache

Introductions are quickly made around the room, as everybody tells the new kid about their super cool supernatural alter ego . . . except Stiles, who used to be evil, but now . . . isn’t.  Malia even flashes her shiny new blue color contacts at Liam, which only serves to make him REALLY, REALLY PISSED OFF . . .

blue eyes

cock blocker

“Hey, Blue Eyes aren’t just something you can turn on and off at will, dammit!  They are special genetic anomalies!  And my parents worked hard to get me mine . . . and by worked hard, I mean, had sex with each other.”

And like any hormonal boy would, he decides to take his anger out on the hard wood floors of Lydia’s parents lake house .  . .

floor ruiner

lyd screams

That’s when the cavalry arrives . . .

where da party at

You ever decide to have a small intimate gathering of friends at your house .  . .

more dancing stiles

. . . and one or two of your friends casually mention it to some of their friends . . .

secret circle 8 face off

. . . and those friends mention it to a few other people, who are kind of your friends, but not really . . .

JOE JONAS, DEMI LOVATO

.  . . and then, before you know it, everybody and their mother is waiting outside on your front doorstep?

hey hey hey

Well, that’s kind of what happened here . . .

Elsewhere in Town, Mouthless Morty has oh so conveniently left his Darth Vader Voice (complete with matching Evil Glove) at Derek’s apartment, enabling the Sheriff and his pals to determine that he (1) has a military background; (2) is a hitman getting paid off by someone called . . . I’ll give you a hint . . . it’s the title of this episode . . .

benefactor

the clue

“I think its time we upgraded our computers.”

Taming the Beast

Back at Werewolf House Party 2 – Electric Boogaloo, Kira and Scott drag an already wolfing out Liam (gold eyes, not blue, so, anger management problems aside, he hasn’t murdered anyone . . . yet) to a nearby boat house, where Kira, who has a talent for wielding all things long, pointy and phallic looking, whacks Liam in the noggin with an oar.  The hit is hard enough to knock him unconscious, but not hard enough to scar his pretty boy face.  (Clearly, Jeff Davis knows where his bread is buttered.)

thwack smash

peaceful

Things are going slightly less smoothly in the basement of Lydia’s house, where Stiles and Malia are engaging in some pillow talk.  “I want to rip out your heart and crush it with my bare hands,” Malia offers flirtatiously.

this is my happy face

“This is my happy face.”

“Been there, done that,” remarks Stiles casually.

winky stiles

Clearly, this is not his first time at the S&M rodeo.

You’ve really got to hand it to the little guy.  I mean, he’s in this relationship with Malia for the long haul, and clearly he’s not just into her because her looks . . .

bad hair day

“Bad hair day?”

out of shape stiles

Don’t feel bad, Malia.  After a rough night of drinking, we’ve all had some mornings, when we looked like this . . . It’s nothing a really large pair of sunglasses, and some heavy duty foundation couldn’t cure!

You know what makeup can’t cure though, not having a head, as secret werewolf Logan the Beer Keg guy learns when new chick Violet garrotes him with her necklace, only to return to the party moments later to swap spit with her boyfriend, Douchey Garrett.

hate my job

“I hate my job.”

lost my head

“Lost my head.”

Now, that’s just cold!

he had it coming he was overcharging

“He had it coming.  He was overcharging for beer.”

Naughty and Nice

If I had to offer up an early pick for Favorite Teenier Wolf newbie, I’d definitely go with Mason.  He’s quiet, mild mannered, super polite, and even knows how to get red wine stains out of a white carpet.  Talk about a useful guy to have around in a pinch!

nooo

oop

the carpet whisperer

“Have no fear.  I am the Carpet Whisperer.”

Unfortunately, Lydia has much more pressing problems than a few unsightly stains.  She’s got faces peeking out of her walls!

abstract art

“This is the ugliest piece of abstract art I have ever seen.”

Now THAT is going to knock at least 100K off the sales price . . .

Over in the boat house, virginal Kira shows her naughty side by trying to sexually arouse Scott enough to get him to wolf out, while poor Liam is stuck watching and wondering what might have been.

smack lick

boner

“Eye boner.”

B*tch!  No wonder the kid is pissed off!  Blue balls are real. And I’ve been told they hurt . . . a lot!

cock blocker

blue balls

Control is Overrated

These are the words Stiles use to break through to Malia, and convince her not to break his face.

confused-monkey

Wait . . . WHAT?

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I love me some Stiles, so much that pretty much every word that comes out of his mouth is pure gold to me.  But when it comes to inspirational speeches, this one strikes me as a bit stale.

good stiles

Don’t hate me yet.  Just hear me out.  Stiles tells Malia that a part of him liked being the Nogitsune, because it made him feel in control .  . .

stiles kicks kiras ass

stiles no

Except he wasn’t in control, he was possessed.   And Malia is not in control when she looks like something out of a Japanese horror movie, while threatening to rip out Stiles’ skull in monster voice.

If you ask me, I think control has been vastly underrated . . .

But what do I know?   I’m not a were-anything . . .

abominable snowman

On one of the message boards it was suggested that this concept of “losing control” to “gain control,” has much less to do with Stiles and Malia, and more to do with Scott FINALLY gaining the power to become the Gorilla Thing his True Alpha self has instinctively shied away from being for a season and a half . . .

alpha now

alpha at the window

Maybe  this whole control theme is all about the Scooby Gang of Beacon Hills accepting the things about themselves they cannot change, and becoming stronger for it . . .

Then again, maybe Jeff Davis just wrote the line “Control is Overrated,” because he thought it would look good on a t-shirt . . .

gives me joy

I Got Your Text

I may have spoken a bit too soon, when I chastised Mouthless Morty for leaving his Voicebox at the scene of the crime.  As a turns out, this was all an elaborate trap, designed to get Derek to track (via WiFi, naturally) Morty to the high school, where he could tomahawk his ass, without all those pesky cops get in the way . . .well . . . almost all of those pesky cops . . .

fight

In other technology news, Papa Argent may not like to shave anymore.  And he probably won’t answer your phone calls, or respond to your E-Vites.  But he can always be counted on to respond to your text messages .  . . particularly when they say something to the effect of: “Teenie Wolf is about to kick my True Alpha Ass.  How embarrassing!  SOS!”

beard ba

Speaking of Argents, I bet you’ll never guess which recently departed one’s name happens to be the key to crack the jibberish code all those dead supernaturals were forcing Lydia to jot down compulsively in her Pre-Calculus notebook . .  .

key allison

scream for al

That’s right . . . ALLISON, subconsciously leading were creatures to their untimely demises, since some time in the mid-nineties . . .

dark allison 2 erisaac

You’re not a Monster (But you sure look like one!)

Bonus points for any Werebanger, who didn’t have to stifle a laugh when Sheriff Stilinski attempted to read Mouthless Morty his Miranda Rights, when he arrested him in the hallway of Beacon Hills High.

remain silent

haha

But, of course, the episode MVP award must go to Peter Hale, who waltzed into the school like a BAMF just as the arrest was happening, and casually, calmly and quietly, murdered the living stuffing out of Mouthless Morty, then proceeded to yank out his guts, just to be absolutely certain he wouldn’t come back to life, ala Kate . . .

ass kcik

finish-him-o

finish hi

Sometimes sociopathy can be really hot . . .

large and in charge

Elsewhere, after an entire episode of pussy-footing around Liam, Scott finally found his balls, and forced Liam to give him some friggin respect, by red eyeing his ass. “You’re not a monster.  You’re a werewolf, like me.  (Except, I’m cooler than you, because I have red eyes.  Remember that, b*tch!”)

you are like e

my hero

my hero

Liam looks vaguely impressed.  Then again, maybe he’s just tired.  He’s had a really crappy night.

So, why didn’t Scott just do his whole “Alpha Roar” thing to gain dominion over Beta Liam, in the first place?  (It certainly would have saved everybody a whole lot of trouble, rescued Lydia’s carpet from wine, saved Beer Boy Logan from losing his head, literally, and prevented that window from being broken . . .)

stefan shrug

Well, that wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun, now would it?

Speaking of fun, hey Scooby Gang.  The Benefactor says you’re all going to die!  And what’s worse, all the other supernaturals in Beacon Hills are apparently worth more money than you chumps . . .

dead pool

more dead pool

Sucks to be you!

stiles alphabet 1 allisonargents

stiles alphabet2 allisonargents

Until next time, Werebangers!

 

3 Comments

Filed under Teen Wolf

3 responses to “Teen-ier Wolf – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s “The Benefactor”

  1. Andre

    My actual comment is probably going to come tomorrow, but I need to ask this now:
    Does anyone have any idea what was up with the Lydia and Mason scene where you could heal all else noises but not them talking?
    Was that supposed to be Lydia’s banshee powers kicking in again? If yes, then they had never worked like that. Seriously, what was that?
    Any ideas?

  2. East Coast Captain

    I believe Lydia’s grandmother might have been a Banshee, it would make sense for that room to be sound proof.

  3. Andre

    As you know already, in my eyes this episode was fucking stupid. It clearly shows that Jeff Davis does not care one bit about anyone or anything except getting the story along the way he wants it. I did a quick check on season 3a and b and apparently nearly every of it’s stupid and plothole ridden episodes were written by him. That cannot be coincidence, since this one here was co-written by him also.
    And quite frankly, I think the guy is racist. The thing with Scott and Jackson 2.0 alone indicates that, well for people so stupid that they think Scott is a Latino and to whom “Latino” signifies a race. But it’s colorism nonetheless. Not only had this show the same type of guy over and over (Jackson, Isaac, Deucalion, Ennis, the Twins, the deputy, younger Chris Argent etc.) but Jackson 2.0 … is clearly Jackson. Of course there is even more stupidity than that.

    Ever wondered what your favorite werewolf teen show would be like if Jackson was its sometimes-furry protagonist, Danny was his kind-hearted gay sidekick. And Some Douchey Blonde Jock (one of the Alpha Twins, perhaps?) and his girlfriend were his “super cool” pals, who secretly wanted to decapitate him for some extra cash at the mall?
    No. Not ever! Because it would be about a rich, pale Anglo-American with his minority friends to trick the viewers into thinking the show is progressive and the character a good guy. Aka what we have seen over and over. Sorry Davis, didn’t work last time, doesn’t work now.

    he sure knows how to capture Scott’s Mini-Me in all his barely post-pubescent glory
    Well let’s be honest here. Davis shoved him into our faces so much it would have been a superhuman feat not to capture him. And oh boy did his portrayal suck.

    Mere hours have passed since
    I would have called it: A scene so forced and lazy that it could have come from the Twilight movies.

    Sheriff Stilinski has politely shooed away his well-meaning, but generally useless, apart from the occasional “red-shirt” murder, clan of Keystone cops, so self-proclaimed “cannibal expert” Derek Hale can case the crime scene.
    Aka he calls the person who is probably the least suitable in the entire town, completely ignoring the much more experienced “druid/veterinarian” that he knows since that guy is a magical negro and so cannot truly be important except as a plot device and Davis needs to convince gullible viewers that Derek is important and useful. Why he tries that now when he had spend pretty much every episode since the start of season 2 to show us that Derek is an incompetent moron is beyond me. Maybe Davis is delusional or tries to rip-off Batman. At least Derek’s sudden appearance is very Batmanlike. Of course Derek isn’t at all like Batman, since Batmann is a badass and Derek a guy so stupid that he could be… Well, Homer Simpson or Peter Griffith:

    Also: Wendigos are cannibalistic shapeshifters? To be a cannibal you must belong to the same species and these guys eat humans… yeah they really have no idea what they are talking about.
    Not to mention that this clearly shows how much all of this was plugged from the writers asses with no editors pointing out the herd of plothole elephants:
    The family was well hidden? They lived in the open and had lots of bodies, every random raccoon would have been able to sniff them out. Also they have been in the town before apparently. Wow, yeah the Hales really come along as protectors now. No werewolf ever got a sniff? No Hunter saw it? No kid ever did a picture or a youtube video? Does Davis know that this is not the early 90s?
    Plus, let’s just pretend this makes any sense; there is still a big problem:
    Remember this guy?

    Wasn’t his whole deal last season to spread chaos and misery to feed of it? He had an army of flies flying all over town for days apparently and he never stumbled upon this family? Or all the other supernaturals that were revealed to be in town in this episode. Never? Davis really is the master of ruining his own stuff.
    In addition is this a take on this “they are drawn to Beacon Hills” crap that they never actually followed?

    vaguely resembled Jackson
    Vaguely? Come on Julie, you can’t be that naïve.

    The definition of a good friend is someone who won’t judge you, even after you tell them you bit a freshman boy on the arm, tied his hands, arms, legs, and lips together with duct tape, and, without permission, dumped him in said good friend’s shower for safe keeping . . .
    That sounds rather like a yes boy to me. A good friend tells you right away when s/he thinks your ideas are stupid and man was this stupid. This is stupid even for Scott, which was an early indicator for how forced this plot was.
    Wow, this level of stupidity is a new low, even for Scott. Tying Jackson 2.0 up is surely going to make it all right. Seriously, that is stupid.
    Not to mention: This makes him panic? After all the show threw at him, this of all things makes him panic?
    Sorry but panic and stupidity only explain so much, this here is clearly a forced and nonsensical plot to promote Jackson 2.0.

    But, in Scott’s defense, the furry pal was surprisingly understanding, back when Stiles was going through his whole Evil Japanese Spirit Phase.
    In what way? Stiles had been possessed for what? A week?

    It is a universal truth that men are as skeeved out by the sight of people crying
    According to the found of wisdom that was Will & Grace that only works with straight guys, which shows that you will never ever get Sterek Julie, instead all Stereks have to settle for Stiles and Malia.

    And used it to his advantage, getting Scott and Stiles to untie his ass, and drop their guard, just long enough for him to smack them on the heads with a chair, and make his death-defying escape.
    I know Scott is stupid enough to fall for Jackson 2.0s trick, but Stiles?
    Also to promote his new boycrush Davis & Co break the rules. Seriously we saw Scott being smashed against walls and all and he was fine but this chair makes him collapse? Sorry, but according to season 1 the werewolf strength does not come in that fast.
    This is so stupid it’s painful to watch. Scott has superstrength… does Davis care so little? Yes of course, but I had to ask for my own sanity’s sake.

    Not Peter though, “Hi Honey, I’m home,” he calls out, arms outstretched, as if waiting for a big ole dudebro hug from his nephew Derek, or an axe in the chest from Mouthless Morty, whichever comes first . . .
    Well you beat me at that piece of writer stupidity, the last time.

    Despite the fact that seemingly everybody and there mother would like to brutally murder Peter, in this instance, Mouthless Morty just finds this Scar to Derek’s Mufasa, a trifling inconvenience, a non-worthwhile target, which is why he axes him in the chest, as opposed to the carotid artery, a shot to maim, not to kill . . . a message to the True Target that his days are numbered . . ..
    Which is odd to say the least. At least seeing Peter stabbed was nice, even if he is still alive. Seriously, if he is going to make him a stupid plot device anyway, just kill him. And how do you burn out wolfsbane? It would be in the blood stream by now or be bled out, do these guys have any idea how the circulatory system or bodies in general work? Also if that thing was laed with wolfsbane and apparently went in so deep it might have pierced the lungs, how is Peter still alive?

    Hey Stilinski, considering how every single other one of your furry friends has managed to escape from your sorry attempts at bondage during the full moon, don’t you think it’s time to splurge on something . . . I don’t know, a little stronger, perhaps?
    You know I wondered why does Malia need to be restrained anyway. Sure she was in coyote form before, but for 8 years and the moon affects you no matter whether you are transformed or not, so after 8 years she still needs restrains? What did she do before? Slaughter everything in sight? Did they completely forget… no they just don’t care.
    Good to know you caught that reference/rehash to the season 1 locker room scene as well.
    Plus a sheriff who doesn’t want to know… is he related to Chief Wiggum?

    Speaking of Malia, Kira gently suggests to Lydia that the reason their new gal pal is failing pre-calc, might be the ridiculously incomprehensible notes with which genius Lydia is providing her every single school night . . .
    Ok, it’s nice to see that some of Lydia’s intelligence is back but if she knows that much you really have to tell me what she is still doing in high school. Oh right, plot convenience.

    “I’ve been a bit distracted, lately,” admits a guilty-looking Lydia, who has most certainly not been deliberately sabotaging the studies of her former male love interest, as a way to get her left back a grade, and out of the social circle, no sir!
    Which would be a way more interesting plot than the one we got, for sure.

    Yeah, this isn’t quite working for Scott . . .
    Of course not since while both wear designer clothes, Derek wears black and Scott doesn’t. Pretty simple.
    Plus. Wow is Jackson 2.0 stupid to come to school. And not only do I wonder who these three are but how they know Jackson 2.0 so well if he just transferred, I mean where they all on the same school… maybe … I know next to nothing about Californian schools. However I guess these three stooges are for being progressive now… yeah I can literally hear the clock ticking until one of them dies. My money is on the black guy (aka Mason aka the first black person on the show introduced by the first name). Hey after Boyd (Erica’s death was rather due to Goliathly leaving but Boyd was planned) can you blame me? Plus this is allegedly a horror show and you know what happens with black people in such cases:

    Also then, especially when I heard Scott’s stupid “gift” sentence I was:
    “Did it ever occur to these idiots to just show Jackson 2.0 the wolf face?” That would make a lot more sense.
    And oh my gosh is Scott stupid. This “gift” talk didn’t work with him, why would it …
    The worst part is that the whole ordeal is so unnecessary and easily solvable that even an idiot like him would do it. There must be some airborn virus that makes people dumber and that species is called Jeffus Davicus.
    This is basically the same BS we had in season 3a when people got dumbed down to make Scott appear special and Scott’s “special status” was constantly shoved into our faces. Just like they did with Jackson 2.0 here.

    . . . or, just pimp out your hot Asian girlfriend and her “adorable” inability to walk on two legs, without falling on her face . . .
    Oh yeah that part… Yea right, Kira is a trickster… if she would be she would not need Lydia to point this out. Amazing how these writers have no idea what they are talking about isn’t it, it’s like they went to the M. Night Shyamalan school of writers.
    Also the meaning of “vixen” in American and especially Japanese sense often refers to seductive women and prostitutes… so basically Lydia just called Kira a prostitute and/or a slut. Well what can I say: Cultural ignorance. Calling women sluts since time immemorial.
    But back to the idiocy and bad writing at hand. So Jackson 2.0 just happens to look up at that same moment to see Kira there? Plus she looks the same as usual, where is the difference? Right plot convenience.
    At least the vixen part failed, still stereotypical, but at least in character.
    Of course the alleged natural enmity between foxes and wolves is completely forgotten, so technically this all should have never worked.

    Plus: A 25 year old woman playing hitting on a 16 year old boy… crreeeeeppppppyyyyyy

    No big deal, just try to chain him up in a secluded area, in a close proximity to Lots of Innocent Teenagers!
    After all, it worked out so well . . . All Those Other Times, remember?

    And the problem is that this is not even the biggest Fuck you to 3 (technically 4) seasons of character development.

    Malia even flashes her shiny new blue color contacts at Liam
    At least Malia had the good sense to just show her eyes, finally….

    And like any hormonal boy would, he decides to take his anger out on the hard wood floors of Lydia’s parents lake house . . .
    Also wouldn’t it be smarter to clear the room of furniture? Wait of course not, because then they wouldn’t have had a party later on since all those teens would have left.
    And Oh great the kid has anger management issues ad gets violent when not getting his way… just like Jackson.

    Well, that’s kind of what happened here . . .
    He told Mason and Kira did not notice that? When did he do that?
    And did Mason use GPS? Kira didn’t tell them where they would be going.
    At least Lydia gave me something to be happy about I those party planning scenes.

    Elsewhere in Town, Mouthless Morty has oh so conveniently left his Darth Vader Voice (complete with matching Evil Glove) at Derek’s apartment
    Aka he is an idiot.
    And the deputy was in Afghanistan… yeah is it smart to bring up that disaster of a war that tarnished US reputation when the show on average completely ignores in which country it is in?
    Because if you acknowledge that existence you also have to acknowledge the existence of:

    As for the Benefactor… well I am cautious. In the last two seasons the first antagonists sucked and the second one was ok, so I will withhold my judgment until later.

    The hit is hard enough to knock him unconscious, but not hard enough to scar his pretty boy face. (Clearly, Jeff Davis knows where his bread is buttered.)
    Yep, he can’t hurt his new Jackson can he? And gosh, seriously cannon break over cannon break, how can Scott not hold him? And how can Kira think she killed him?

    “This is my happy face.”
    Which looks barely different from her human face… what a surprise…
    And Malia’s talk about bloodlust and killing makes no sense, if she is that bloodthirsty on a full moon there would have been mass slaughter of live at every full moon, even if she doesn’t find any humans there would need to be dozens of carcasses around. Plus, if she was in the area all the time, why didn’t she drive animals out of the woods instead of Peter? Oh right, because the writers had not invented her yet and just ignore inconsistencies.

    You know what makeup can’t cure though, not having a head, as secret werewolf Logan the Beer Keg guy learns when new chick Violet garrotes him with her necklace, only to return to the party moments later to swap spit with her boyfriend, Douchey Garrett.
    Where do these werewolves suddenly come from? Is this the nemeton thing again?
    Not that I didn’t see it coming that the guy would be killed.
    And apparently the Benefector could not hire some competent assassin since Violet does not seem to care about deposing of the body first instead of just walking away.
    Also Violet and Garrett follow the typical formula of white guy with non-white girl. Just pointing this out.

    He’s quiet, mild mannered, super polite, and even knows how to get red wine stains out of a white carpet. Talk about a useful guy to have around in a pinch!
    So quiet that I have no idea what he said. Can anyone tell what was wrong with the audio in the room were Lydia spilled the whine?
    In that case I might know what they were talking about and why Lydia was so devastated.
    Seriously what was that about?

    Unfortunately, Lydia has much more pressing problems than a few unsightly stains. She’s got faces peeking out of her walls!

    I wondered whether the whole voiceless thing is either a glitch in my file or part of the banshee deus ex machine now.

    Over in the boat house, virginal Kira shows her naughty side by trying to sexually arouse Scott enough to get him to wolf out, while poor Liam is stuck watching and wondering what might have been.
    Ok, the dancing is a cute idea in general but not at that moment, they should have left that for the end of the episode. The way it is now its just a cheap gimmick to distract from the stupidity of their situation, especially after the writers made two 17 year olds speak about how young their counterpart looks. Also I wanted to say this to Kira: “If Scott’s eyes are glowing due to sexual arousal, that means he is about to eat you Kira.”
    Of course she wouldn’t know that since Scott never tells anyone anything actually important unless he is forced to.
    And when Liam breaks free I wondered: “Why doesn’t Scott try the roar? You know like Peter did in season 1 or Derek in season 2? Even for him this is stupid.” And “You might want to go after him? And Scott is an Alpha,… fuck it””

    Don’t hate me yet. Just hear me out. Stiles tells Malia that a part of him liked being the Nogitsune, because it made him feel in control . . .
    Except he wasn’t in control, he was possessed. And Malia is not in control when she looks like something out of a Japanese horror movie, while threatening to rip out Stiles’ skull in monster voice.

    Which is a serious problem: They mess the story up even more, they make it up as they go along. There was the stuff I mentioned already but this episode seemed to suggest that Malia’s feelings for Stiles cause her to freak out like that. Which is the exact opposite to season 1. Also control is not overrated, not when you are a bloodthirsty monster attacking everything on sight.

    On one of the message boards it was suggested that this concept of “losing control” to “gain control,” has much less to do with Stiles and Malia, and more to do with Scott FINALLY gaining the power to become the Gorilla Thing his True Alpha self has instinctively shied away from being for a season and a half . . .
    The problem with that is that last season they had the twins state that this form is a bad thing and that it basically means you are as sociopathic as Peter. However Jeff Davis is totally inconsistent so its possibly that he made this up now.

    I may have spoken a bit too soon, when I chastised Mouthless Morty for leaving his Voicebox at the scene of the crime. As a turns out, this was all an elaborate trap, designed to get Derek to track (via WiFi, naturally) Morty to the high school, where he could tomahawk his ass, without all those pesky cops get in the way . . .well . . . almost all of those pesky cops . . .
    And quickly gets his ass kicked and killed via plot convenience Peter. Of course we couldn’t have had any revelations now.

    In other technology news, Papa Argent may not like to shave anymore
    Hopefully Isaac isn’t back as well

    You’re not a monster. You’re a werewolf, like me. (Except, I’m cooler than you, because I have red eyes. Remember that, b*tch!”)
    1) How did they get him in that trap?
    2) These are Scott’s own words? That is every cliché sentence about accepting yourself that we all hear before.
    3) For a guy with anger management issues Jackson 2.0 was extremely calm. So I think they will ignore his anger management issues anyway so I didn’t feel anything.
    4) Yes he is a monster, being a werewolf means he is a monster, I know the show tries to push the werewolf = maligned minority, but so far the majority of werewolves we saw gave us every good reason to be afraid of them

    Speaking of fun, hey Scooby Gang. The Benefactor says you’re all going to die! And what’s worse, all the other supernaturals in Beacon Hills are apparently worth more money than you chumps . . .

    Except that the list is incomplete:
    Where is Malia on that list and Noshiko? Or Deaton and Morell? Or Peter. So it’s not all of the supernaturals of Beacon Hills. You are not all in the Deadpool.
    And the password is Allison? Did Kate send the guy?

    And that list of all supernaturals in Beacon Hills… Yeah not really, you can’t even say Peter is not on it because the assassin thought he was dead since Sean and his family are on it still. Also Malia (boy did that with her make no sense), Noshiko and possibly Deaton and Morell are all supernatural and are not on the list. In addition if the password is Allison, does that mean Kate, Gerard or Isaac send those guys?

    So again:
    This episode was stupid!

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