How Stanley didn’t get laid – A Recap of (U.S.) Skins’ Series Premiere “Tony”

Chances are, if you’ve been alive and well this week, and have found yourself anywhere near a television, computer, or magazine, you’ve probably heard at least something about Skins.  At the risk of being redundant, Skins is MTV’s newest “scripted” drama (And yet, aren’t they all scripted, when you really think about it?).  Although MTV’s version premiered this week, the concept of Skins is not particularly new.  In fact, the show is a remake / reimagining of a popular UK show of the same name, which debuted back in 2007, and featured MOST of the same characters (only played by British young actors, as opposed to American ones).

In terms of the U.S. version of Skins, public opinion has run the gamut from diehard fans of the original, who believe this version should never have been made, to conservative right-wingers, who think the fact that underage actors makeout on the show is tantamount to “child porn.”  This post isn’t going to say any of those things, or even really offer an opinion one way or the other.  I’m merely going to recap the episode, and hopefully, entertain you a bit in the process . . .

Sound good?  Let’s get started . . .

Meet Naked Tony (and his Burnout Sister, Wacky Dad, and Slutty Next Door Neighbor)

You would think that a television episode entitled “Tony,” would open up with a shot of “Tony” right?  WRONG!  Instead we got this random chick . . .

I see this on my television screen, and I immediately wonder whether my cable guide lied to me, and I am not watching Skins, but rather some second rate straight-to-video zombie flick (Dawn of the Dead 2: Electric Boogaloo).  But no, this is “Tony’s” baby sister.  We know her as “Eura,” but in the U.K. version, she had the much more mainstream name of “Effy.” 

 I notice immediately that it is snowing, and she isn’t wearing any shoes.  My feet experience immediate sympathy pains, as a result.  It’s not an enjoyable feeling.  In short, I’ve already about had it with Zombie Eura, and her soon-to-be frostbitten feet.  And she hasn’t said a single word yet!

No matter.  Bring on NAKED TONY!

This is our first glimpse of the titular Tony.  He’s cute.  But his bedspread is stark white, and covered with tarantulas (I think . . . I generally make it my business to know as little about spiders as humanly possible.)  It also seems way too neat, tidy, and generally void of personality to be a teenage boy’s bedroom.  This makes me think that Tony might be a serial killer, because only serial killer teens have clean rooms like that.  (Hey, maybe he killed EURA!  And that’s why she’s coming back to his house . . . to eat his BRAINS for REVENGE!)

(You might be interested in knowing that in the U.K. version of Skins, Tony was played by Nicholas Hoult, a.k.a. the kid from About a Boy . . .)

Anyway, Tony gets up, and starts doing these weird Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dweeb moves, by the window, to show off his surprisingly buff teen physique.

Now, I no longer think I am watching a zombie movie, but rather an infomercial for Bow Flex or the Shake Weight.  (After all, it is 2 a.m. at this point.)  Tony then takes a break from his Tae Bo routine to play Peeping Tom with his slutty adult neighbor.

Slutty Neighbor really seems to enjoy being ogled by a 16-year old, which, I guess, makes her a pedophile.  If Tony WAS, in fact, a serial killer, Slutty Neighbor would probably be his first victim (after Zombie Eura, of course) . . .

While Tony is ogling Slutty Neighbor, he spies Zombie Eura, and decides to invite her inside the house, and help her to evade the EVIL Parental Units.  (NO, TONY!  NEVER INVITE IN THE ZOMBIES . . . Or maybe it’s vampires you aren’t supposed to invite in?  OK . . . Now I’m confused.)

So, Tony turns his music up full blast, and while Tony’s dad (stepdad?) rips him a new one, Zombie Eura dashes back to her room, cleans the crap off her face, and tries to make her bed look slept in . . .

Meanwhile, Tony’s dad or stepdad is screaming at the top of his lungs at Tony, but I can’t understand a damn word the guy is saying . . . I suspect we aren’t supposed to understand him, anyway.  In essence, Skins is like a live teenage version of Charlie Brown, where all the adults are WAY too tall, and speak in gibberish all the time . . .

“Wah-wah wah wah mwah wah-wah, mwah WAHHHHHHHHHH!”

Next we get a completely unnecessary shot of Tony taking a dump on the toilet, while reading a book entitled Know Your Rodent.  (See, TOTAL SERIAL KILLER!)

Soon enough, Tony’s dad or stepdad is outside the bathroom bellowing again, “MWAH-WAH WAH, WAH I HAVE TO TAKE A DUMP TOO MWAH WAH-WAH!”  So, Tony sneaks out the window . . .

And . . . then he’s back inside.

(See, now I’m thinking this HAS to be Tony’s stepdad.  Because climbing down your fire escape, just to make your biological pops look like a moron, seems like WAY TOO MUCH WORK, with no foreseeable benefits.) 

Calling All Cast Members!

After breakfast, Tony leaves for school.  It’s still snowing, but Tony’s dressed for 65 degree weather, because “he’s just cool like that.”

This is the part of the pilot, where Tony generously introduces you to the rest of the main cast, by calling EVERY. . .  SINGLE . . . ONE of them . . .

This is Daisy.  In this scene, we learn precisely three things about her.  (1) She’s smart.  We know this because she plays a musical instrument.  And the only time they ever show kids playing musical instruments on teen shows is to imply that they are smart.  (2)  She’s fairly wealthy.  We know this because she has a fancy and rather old painting on the wall next to her.  (3) She’s snarky.  We know this because, on teen shows, the only time it’s acceptable to be BOTH smart and wealthy, is if you are also snarky.

This is Abbud.  Like Daisy, we don’t get to know much about him this week, aside from two things: (1) He’s Muslim.  (2) He digs lesbians.  You might be interested to know that in the U.K. version this character (then named Anwar) was played by Dev Patel, a.k.a. The Slumdog Millionaire guy . . .

This is Tea.  She’s a tough and spunky lesbian cheerleader.  (She hasn’t told her fellow cheermates of her sexual orientation yet.   This way, she figures, none of them will feel awkward, when they have to stick their hands up her skirt, during the Cheer Pyramid.)

This is Crazy Chris, who, I noticed, doesn’t like to wear clothing.  He’s already one of my favorite characters.  This is probably because the “Chris” episode of Skins is the only episode of the U.K. version that I actually got to watch.

This is Tony’s girlfriend, Michelle.  He’s nicknamed her Nips (which she HATES).  Unfortunately, for male viewers, the U.S. censors won’t allow you to see WHY . . .

And this is Stanley.  He’s a virgin, who calls his weiner “Mr. Happy.”  (Though, since he IS a virgin, that is probably somewhat of a misnomer.)  Unlike Tony, Stanley has a room that looks EXACTLY like you would expect a teenage boy’s bedroom to look (i.e. messy, stinky, and covered with porn).  So, Stanley is probably not a serial killer.  But he DOES have Hanson hair . . .

 . . . which, I strongly suspect, is one of the reasons he can’t get laid.

Time for “School”

It’s nice when, during a teen drama, you see the kids actually go to class, even if it’s only for one scene.  This is psychology class.  And the psychology teacher needs therapy . . .

“Mwah-wah wah-wah Boyfriend Dumped Me, WAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Adorable Chris is clearly in love with his Wackadoo Psych teacher, so he tries to impress her, by dressing like a hillbilly from the movie Deliverance . . .

He also carries her books after class.  She doesn’t seem to mind nearly as much as you would expect.   In fact, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if these two ended up doing the nasty at some point this season assuming the show doesn’t get canceled first.

“You may teach Psychology, but we SURE have Chemistry!  Get it . . . because . . . oh, never mind.  Wanna screw?  My parents are out of town for the week.  So, I can TOTALLY have a sleepover!”

Now, it’s lunchtime.  Whether or not these are wealthy teens, we know they go to a pretty wealthy school, because their cafeteria has flat screen TVs in it  . . .

They also serve Massive Meal Portions, akin in size to what 800-pound men would likely eat at a breakfast buffet . . .

At lunch, Tony tells Stanley that the only way he will be able to get laid, is if he buys a lot of drugs, and gets the object of his affection SO HAMMERED that she forgets he has Hanson hair.  While they are talking, Michelle arrives.  We know instantly that Stanley is in love with her, because she walks in SLOOOOO MOOOOOO . . .

He also conveniently has pornographic images of of her on his cell phone . . .

Unfortunately for Stanley, he will not be getting the opporunity to horizontal mambo with Nips Michelle, and her awesome blue leather jacket  (Seriously?  Where can I get me one of THOSE?), because her face is pretty much permanently attached to Bobby’s mouth.  Instead, Stanley will be screwing Psychopath Cadie, who he is supposed to meet in the “Life Skills” classroom . . .

If I knew that “Life Skills” class involved growing phallic vegetables and playing with knives, I totally would have chosen it as my elective at school.  When Stanley first meets Cadie (though I’m not sure how he hasn’t already met her, considering all his friends already seem to know her — I mean, how big IS this school exactly?) he’s understandably a bit afraid of her . . .

But that doesn’t stop him from wanting to have sex with her.  He IS a teenage boy, after all.

OMG, it’s GLEE!

Meanwhile, Tony has randomly decided to try out for the All Girls Choir, at the private “school for young ladies” nearby.  (No, offense to any of my readers out there, who may actually be named Edith Damp.  But, is that not the WORST name for a girl’s school ever?)  Tony shows up at the practice and starts singing this REALLY old show tune, that I suspect is called Let’s Fall in Love.

And, although both the song choice, and the way Tony sings it, make him seem INCREDIBLY gay, all the women choir-ettes seem to eat it up (probably because they all haven’t seen any men other than their dads, in about 10 years).

On the way out of “Edith Damp School”, Tony has a slight run-in with schools headmaster, but escapes unscathed.

(Just in case you can’t read it, the sign, behind the headmaster’s head says “Juvenile Males are a Threat.” – HILARIOUS!)

Did I mention that the Leader of the Choir-ettes invites Tony to a party at her house?

Tony agrees to attend, assuming he can make a big profit, by selling Stanley’s weed there. 

“I wanna dip my balls in it!”

Speaking of Stanley . . .

He’s in the suburbs, searching for a drug dealer.  The dealer looks pretty much exactly like EVERY drug dealer looks in show’s like these, down to the 5 0’clock shadow, and 70’s era blue tracksuit . . .

The dealer “generously” sells Stanely a $900 bag of weed, on credit, promising the boy, that his still virginal balls will be chopped up if he doesn’t pay him back in full within 48 hours  . . .


That night, Queen B chick is thrilled to see Tony and Stanley’s weed, at her party.  However, she is less than thrilled that he brought the entire regular cast of Skins along with him.  She is also not pleased with the way he’s grinding all up on his girlfriend Nips Michelle, instead of the Party Hostess, herself . . .

But things REALLY get out of hand, when Queen B chick asks Chris to take off his dirty SHOES, and he takes off his PANTS instead.  Suddenly Tony’s derelict friends are MOSHING at this Rich Chick Party!  “Too urban!  Too urban!” She squeals, as the mosh evolves in a knock down-drag out fight . . .

Meanwhile, outside Queen B’s house, we are treated to a romantic full moon, and Psychopath Cadie’s squeals of pleasure.  (GO STANLEY!)  

Yeah, she’s actually just jumping on the trampoline . . . But then, her and Stanley actually start MAKING OUT . . .

(GO STANLEY!)  But then . . .  Cadie stops, and tells him, “it’s no good,” because she can tell he’s in love with Michelle.  But she offers to screw him anyway!  (GO STANLEY!)  And  . . . then she falls unconscious due to having OD’d on a massive amount of pills. 

Stanley runs back into the Rich Chick Party (which, by now, has completely devolved into chaos) to tell his friends that they need to take Cadie to the ER.  The crew each get in a few more punches, before leaving the party for good.  By the time they get outside though, it’s miraculously become daytime, even though it was the middle of the night, literally two seconds earlier . . .

“Got any skins?”

Chris hijacks one of the rich kids’ cars.  Then, the crew pile in and speed to the hospital, practically getting themselves killed in the process.  Now, if this was ANY other teen drama, this would be the part where Cadie dies, or falls into a coma, to teach the teens watching back home and “Important Lesson About the Abuse of Pharmaceuticals.”   But this is MTV!  So, by the time the gang arrives at the hospital . . .

 . . . Cadie is JUST FINE!  Well . . . almost fine.  She REALLY has to pee . . .

While, Cadie “does her business” the rest of the gang gets a HUGE urge to rip into Stanley’s MASSIVE bag of pot.  “Anybody got skins [a.k.a. rolling papers]?”  Stanley asks. 

Tony tells Stanley he’s got some in his pants pocket (probably because he’s secretly always wanted to be felt up by a guy with Hanson hair).  Unforunately, Stanley’s getting to third base with Tony has the unintended effect of pulling the car out of “park” and into “drive.”  So, about a second after, Stanley finds the “skins” . . .

 .  . . the gang’s stolen car careens off into a cliff with all of them inside it . . . well, everyone except for Cadie.

So, now, I’m thinking to myself, that if the entire cast of this show DIES in its FIRST EPISODE, it will officially become the most BRILLIANT SHOW EVER!

But they don’t .  . . so it isn’t . . .

The gang swims safely to shore.  But it is not until LONG after they’ve left the area, and gone back to their respective homes, that . . . for reasons that defy all laws of physics, gravity, and basic logic . . . the MASSIVE BAG OF WEED resurfaces.

Nice knowing ya, Stanley’s Balls!

In the last few moments of the episode, we learn three things:  (1) that douchey headmaster we met earlier is actually Ton’y neighbor, and wife to that Slutty Pedophile who poses nude for him each morning . . .

(2) Stanley is still a virgin.

(3) Or IS HE?

“Birds do it.  Bees do it.  Even educated trees do it.  Let’s do it.  Let’s fall in love.”



Filed under Skins (U.S. Version)

10 responses to “How Stanley didn’t get laid – A Recap of (U.S.) Skins’ Series Premiere “Tony”

  1. Rene

    Hey so glad u saved me the time of watching LOL I don’t think I have interest in this show but thanks for the recap. I think it seems way to derpressing and morbid for me.

    • Hi Rene! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. Based on some of the reviews I’ve read of this episode, I think a lot of people would probably agree with your assessment. As for me, I didn’t necessarily find the episode depressing. However, it’s definitely darker and (forgive the cliched term) “edgier” than what us fans of American Teen Dramas are probably used to.

      I think one of the problems with this episode was that it was an almost frame-for-frame remake of the U.K. pilot. As a result, the show sort of seemed to have an identity crisis. It didn’t know if it was supposed to be American or British, dark or silly, edgy or quirky. The actors also seemed confused as to whether they were supposed to mimic their British counterparts, or put their own unique spins on their characters. Since, the next few episodes are supposed to be “original,” it will be interesting to see whether this show improves in coming weeks, or goes completely to crap, without it’s more popular “British Older Brother” to support it. 🙂

      As for me, I’ll probably watch it again. However, since it airs on the same night as Pretty Little Liars, Gossip Girl AND Being Human, it might be difficult for me to find the time to do another full write up of it. (Not to mention that TVD is returning next week, and you can probably guess how much space that show takes up in my brain, most days!) 🙂

  2. Rene

    ahhhhhhhh thanks for the replying to my reply LOL, by the way, I did like Being Human though the ending was disturbing. I will watch it again and you know I loved Pretty Little Liars though did not read ur recap yet 🙂

  3. snottlebie

    Yes! You’re doing a Skins recap! Awesome. {Beware of waaay too long response…}

    I’ve already seen the British version (most of it’s on youtube) and I really enjoyed that so I was a bit nervous to see what the “US” version would do.

    I know I shouldn’t be making comparisons yet, it’s too early, but comparisons are inevitable. The new Tony needs to getmore comfortable in his role as a lot of his lines came off as forced (by the way, the screaming guy was in fact, his dad, not his stepdad – though you are right about how all Skins’ adults are somewhat crazy). He doesn’t quite have Hoult’s… steeliness or sense of control, I guess. He’s a bit softer, which is interesting because Tea, the only “new” character (based off of Maxxie, a gay guy, but her storyline is supposedly greatly altered, as Maxxie didn’t play too great a role in the first series) kind of fills in the power vacuum, supposedly. I’m looking forward to her episode, which is next. (BTW – Haha Hoult’s Tony would be waaay more of a psychopath than new!Tony. Trust me)

    Cadie – I thought the actress who plays her did a really great job becauce Cassie (who Cadie is based off, essentially) was very much Hannah Murray’s role, unique. I liked how different Cadie was from her original and I think that just goes to show how US Skins could be great, if they break away from the original series. There’s only supposed to be a couple of “copied” episodes to help get the new writers on their feet or somethings. whatevs. [“I am crazy, didn’t they tell you?” Magical]

    Chris – I liked this Chris! He has a certain quality. But the teacher – no.

    Daisy/Abbud – Too early to tell. I didn’t care for either of their characters in the UK version (Jal and Anwar) so we’ll just have to wait and see.

    Michelle – The only character whose full name remained the same. She has potential, I think, and she has good chemistry with new!Tony, but once again, too early to tell.

    Stanley – Eh. There was something about Sid (UK), his puppy dog -like qualities that made him likeable despite his sloppiness/laziness. This guy doesn’t have that BUT I saw bits of potential in him in the trampoline scene, which, although copied almost exactly, I thought was done brilliantly.

    UK Skins, while heavily advertised as “edgy” and all that, was really about the characters in the end and subtle in its form, which was why it was (and continues to be) so popular. While this episode was only a “meh”, I’m going to hope for more.

    PS: Eura – I think I am just too biased against the whole “Snyder” family because the STONEM family was kind of awesome. It’s quite unfair because we don’t know how much the characters are the same from the original but….Effy and Tony worked so well because they had this air of complete control, of complete confidence (To be destroyed, at least for Effy in series 4). Effy didn’t say a WORD for ages and she built up this great mystique (here’s a link to her first words – ). Tony was manipulative and everything just worked. Eura – well, she doesn’t have Kaya Scodelario’s prescence, like new!Tony doesn’t have Nicholas Hoult’s prescence. That’s why I hope they take the characters in a different direction than the original.

    PSS: The UK’s Tony – his bed sheets were a naked guy and a naked girl, which made the ending scene funnier:

    Sorry for the massive post, Skins just makes me go: ARGHHH

    • Hi Snottlebie! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting, and for your awesome insights into U.S. Skins, and how it compares to the British version. As I mentioned in the blog, I’ve only seen one British Skins episode (Season 1, Episode 4 – Chris – Loved it!), so I wasn’t at all in the position to make comparisons here. I plan to see more episodes soon, however.

      In my reading of various reviews and message boards, I have noticed that most people, who were fans of the original Skins, HATED this one with a passion. So, it’s really nice to see someone like you, who is a fan of the British version, but can see some positive aspects of this new version as well.

      I agree with you, that it’s a bit too early to tell what U.S. Skins will be like, particularly because it’s staff writers didn’t exactly “write” this episode, more like “borrowed” it from the British version. Plus, there have been many times were I wasn’t a fan of a show’s pilot, but ended up loving the series. As for U.S. Skins, I generally enjoyed the pilot episode actually. (I couldn’t write a blog post on something I really hated.) And yet, also like you, I saw a lot of room for improvement, both in the translation of the episode from British to American, and in the way many of the young actors initially interpreted their characters.

      I think it’s kind of hilarious that Tony had naked people on his bed in the British version, and the U.S. producers interpreted that as “spiders.” Us Americans can be SO PRUDE, sometimes! Speaking of which, the bleeps in the episode, REALLY ANNOYED ME! Either say the curse, or say something else, but don’t BLEEP IT OUT. That’s just lame. It’s strange that MTV made this decision, especially considering that it’s a cable network. I was just watching an old episode of AMC’S Mad Men and noticed that they used the words “sh*t” and “f*&k” in it, without any bleeps. If AMC can do it, MTV can do. Just sayin!

      Like you, I REALLY liked the U.S. version Chris. He’s attractive (a bit better looking than his U.K. incarnation, actually), funny, and has a lot of charisma. I also saw a lot of potential in Tea and Michelle. Though it’s difficult to love Cadie at this point, I do think the actress did a great job portraying her. You can tell that, if the show sticks it out for a season, she will turn out to be a really interesting character.

      I also see what you are saying about Stanley / Sid. In the one British episode of Skins I saw, Sid was adorable, in a geeky sort of way. Stanley doesn’t quite have as relatable a “look” as Sid. Yet, he still had a likeable quality about him, one that I think will improve as the show goes on.

      I know most people had their biggest issue with NuTony, which is understandable, seeing as he’s “The Leader of the Pack.” Arguably of all the cast members, NuTony had the toughest job, because his character is the most iconic, making him more subject to negative U.K. comparisons than the rest of his castmates. But I kind of liked him! He’s cute, and does have good chemistry with the actress who plays Michelle.

      It’s possible that I feel this way, because, having only watched the Chris episode, I haven’t had a chance to see OldTony in action yet. However, I do agree, that NuTony’s acting and grasp on the character could be improved a bit. Yet, I suspect it will in coming episodes. The guy has a lot of potential. 🙂

      I’m still trying to figure out, how I will fit Skins into my recapping schedule. But I definitely look forward to hearing more of your insights into both versions of the show, as the season wears on. Thanks again, for taking the time to share all this with me. 🙂

  4. fauvish

    Honestly, if they were going to copy UK Skins this much, then why not show the original version in the US? Maybe they would have to censor out too much (like Tony’s bed sheets, the ones another commenter already mentioned). I think the biggest disappointment for me personally is that they made Maxxie into a lesbian. Well, I know one scene that will now never see the daylight ( or at least, not as awesomely disturbing.

    I don’t think I’ll bother watching this, as I’ve seen it all in the UK version already and probably better. The Skins storyline comes from the British teen culture. For me it would have been more interesting if they’d taken the concept -of a couple of teens with all kinds of issues without glossing it over-, but created different characters and a different story line.

    • Hi fauvish! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting! I’m so happy to get insight from people, like you, who have actually seen the U.K. version of this show. It really helps me to see the bigger picture, of what I’ve apparently been missing all these years. 🙂 (Thank goodness for YouTube! It looks like I have some “homework” to do!)

      I too wondered why the writers and producers of U.K. Skins (who, incidentally, are the same writers and producers of the U.S. version) didn’t simply syndicate their show on MTV. Sure, there are some differences between the cultures of U.S. and U.K. teens. However, if viewers went in KNOWING this was a British show, they would expect those differences, as opposed to being confused or put off by them. Besides, 2007 (when UK Skins debuted) isn’t all that long ago. So, it’s not as though the issues explored in the original show wouldn’t still be timely, today.

      I do recognize that U.K. censors are generally much more lenient than U.S. censors, which, as you mentioned,, might be a slight issue with the original show’s possible syndication. On the other hand, U.S. primetime channels have successfully, for lack of a better term, “neutered” more risque cable shows and movies for general audiences in the past. I think they would be able to do that here, with the help of some audio re-dubbing, blurred body parts, and a few cut scenes.

      You know, I didn’t mind them replacing a gay guy for a lesbian girl on the show . . . until I watched that SUPER HOT, and still refreshingly awkward, clip you showed me. Now, I’m just mad! Hey, maybe the Logo channel can pick up the U.K. Skins, just to showcase all the Maxxie parts! 🙂

      As for the U.S. version, it still might be too early to determine whether it will end up being a failed retread of a better series, or a new and unique animal all its own. If the writers of the show have been reading the reviews at all, I suspect they’ll start pushing for the latter, if they have not done so already. 🙂

  5. imaginarymen

    Yeah I kinda hated all of them. I think I’ll get the UK version on Netflix and read your recaps instead ;-0

    • You must, must, must watch the UK version, Amy! It has literally monopolized my life, this ENTIRE WEEKEND! 🙂 I suppose I have the U.S. version, and everybody’s comments here, to thank for that. (Thanks guys!) Interestingly enough, the ENTIRE SERIES is on YouTube. (I’d post a link here, but I don’t want to NARC out the VERY GENEROUS SOUL who has posted it all there ;))

      Just do a YouTube search for “Skins Series 1, episode 1” (or episode 2, since you’ve pretty much already seen the first one, just with different actors). This will link you to all the episodes in order. Happy viewing! 🙂

  6. Pingback: 10 örök slozi-dilemma ‹ tízdolog

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s