Kissing Cousins – A Recap of Gossip Girl’s “The Kids Stay in the Picture”

“OK, men of Gossip Girl!  The race to my bed (and into my panties) begins RIGHT NOW!  On your mark . . . get set . . .GO!”

Welcome back, Upper East Siders!  Congratulations on surviving yet another interminable GG hiatus!  To reward your patience, Blair, Chuck, Serena, Dan and the rest of the gang (which, obviously, does NOT include Vanessa, because Vanessa sucks Monkey Butt)  wish to share with you five BRAND NEW hours of makeouts, makeups, breakups, betrayals, conspicuous consumption, fights, schemes gone horribly awry, and, hopefully, at least one or two SUPER HOT SEX SCENES . . .

And while this week’s episode of Gossip Girl, wasn’t exactly the most action-packed I’ve seen, it did set the stage for what looks like it will be a riveting final third of the season. 

So, slip into that ugly gold unitard, and smile for the camera . . . because this recap is about to begin!

Bed-ridden, Befuddled, and Bound for the Slammer . . .

“Have you really been in BED for the entire hiatus, Blair?  How have you NOT flunked out of college yet?”

The episode begins with the media camped outside the van der Woodsen’s home, as a result of Lily having FINALLY turned herself into the police, for forging her daughter’s signature on a legal document stating that Boring Ben statutorily raped her, back in the day.  Thank the LORD that storyline is FINALLY over!

SAYONARA, SUCKA!

Dorota, who knows how much Blair enjoys hearing about people who’s lives are worse than hers, traipses into Blair’s bedroom clutching the live news footage.  But Blair wants NO part of Serena’s Family Shame.  She is DEPRESSED, and, apparently, hasn’t left her bed for THREE WEEKS.  Of course, Mama Eleanor and Step Papa Cyrus haven’t noticed, because that would require a level of parenting simply unheard of on this show.

“We have a daughter?  So, THAT’S who’s been using the guest room all this time!”

Interestingly enough, Blair’s depression seems to have been triggered by the Saliva Swapping she engaged in with Dan Humphrey, about a month back . . .

That’s funny.  This image caused widespread depression among most Chair fans too!  Go figure!

Dorota, who assumes that Blair has “taken to her bed,” because she was fired from / quit her ridiculously unrealistic job as editorial assistant at W Magazine, gently reminds Blair that “Carmela Soprano” i.e. Edie Falco, didn’t become truly successful until age 40 . . .

The things you learn from watching Gossip Girl . . .

AGE FORTY?!  That’s like 92, in GOSSIP GIRL YEARS!  Fortunately, for Blair, she’s not going to have to wait that long.  As if, on cue, the phone rings.  It’s Epperley!   Remember THAT useless plot device of a character?

“Cheers!”

Back from her Epic Quest for Love in Bali, and ready to work once more, Epperley is now working on a photo book entitled “Modern Royalty,” which will feature photgraphs’ of Manhattan’s most elite families.  Now you would think that Blair, being a Waldorf, and the daughter of a famous fashion designer, would be the perfect person to be featured in that book.  But, conveniently, NO!  Epperley instead wants Blair to WORK at the shoot. 

“You have GOT to be kidding me?”

It’s a real testament to how much Blair Waldorf has grown over the seasons, that, not only is the Queen B, NOT upset over her family not being featured in the book, she is also TOTALLY willing to help Epperley with the event.  Soon after this phone conversation takes place, we learn that “hiring” Blair was not Epperley’s idea at all, but CHUCK’S!

“Game on, BITCHES!”

That’s right, boy and girls!  After having had his head lodged firmly up his ass, for the past five episodes, during that whole Raina Thorpe / Bass Industries nonsense, Chuck Bass has FINALLY remembered what (or, perhaps, I should say WHO) is important in his life.  And, now, he will stop at NOTHING to get what he wants . . .

“Someone told me something that made me want my own legacy, not my father’s. I can’t convince Blair of her place in it, until she’s feeling powerful again,” Chuck tells Epperley over the phone.

Chuck spends most of the early part of the episode calling various cast members to inquire after Blair.  “What has she been up to, while I was chasing a poorly written storyline Raina?  Has she been seeing anyone?”  He wonders. 

Watching these first scenes, I, of course, was THRILLED that Chuck was, once again, making a much-needed play for Blair’s heart (It’s about DAMN TIME!). 

Yet, already, I feared Chuck wasn’t going about things the right way.  Note to all you prospective suitors out there:  If you want to know what the girl of your dreams has been doing while you were “away,” and whether or not she still feelings for you, ASK HER!   Otherwise, there’s a good chance you won’t get the whole story.  Unfortunately, Chuck’s inability to get the “whole story” was what ultimately foiled his chances at long-lasting romance, this week.

“DOH!”

Meanwhile, over in Brooklyn, Dan and Mini van der Woodsen are wearing matching Farmer Flannel Shirts . . .

Weird . . .

With Nate over at the Bass Penthouse boning Raina, Poor Lonely Boy is lacking a dumping ground for his Girl Problems.  The sensitive (and currently storyline free) Mini VDW seems like a solid choice for the job of Dan’s Shrink of the Week.  “I kissed Blair,” Dan confesses, causing Eric (an obvious Chair fan) to double over in hysterical laughter.

Though Dan claims the kiss meant nothing, he does seem more than a bit curious as to how Blair felt about it, since she supposedly said NOT ONE WORD, after it occurred.  (Not a good sign Dan . . . NOT a good sign.)  Eric of course, sees right through his stepbrother’s false bravado.  “Omigod,” he exclaims, “You are ASS BACKWARDS crushing on Blair!”

Well, duh!  Isn’t EVERYBODY on this show?”

Meanwhile, back at Lily’s place . . .

 You Stay Classy, van der Woodsens!

Meet Lily van der Woodsen, and two of her FIVE husbands.  Eat your heart out, Big Love!

While, the Waldorfs may not be “”sophisticated” enough to be included in the “Modern Royalty” book, Soon-to-be Convict Lily and Slutty Serena sure ARE!  However, since it is technically the “Rhodes” family, and not the van der Woodsens’ who will be featured in the book, this gives Lily’s Evil Mother Cece an excuse to invite Lily’s estranged older sister, Carol, to be included in the picture.  Though Carol seemingly wants NOTHING to do with Lily’s hoity toity Manhattan lifestyle, she, apparently, isn’t disgusted enough by it, to give up the opportunity to have her picture featured in a book celebrating the most Most Obnoxiously Wealthy Families in America.

“What do you say we have a Botox Party to celebrate?  For old time’s sake?”

Blatant hypocrisy aside, Sister Carol won me over immediately, due largely to her unparalleled ability to rip Lily’s upper crust lifestyle to shreds, in a manner that was both extremely effective and undoubtedly hilarious.  Ways in which Carol verbally slayed Lily included: (1) referring to Dr. VDW and Rugus as husbands numbered 1 and 5, respectively; (2) talking to Serena about her mother’s Brazilian wax jobs; (3) coming up with increasingly creative ways to “subtly” make reference to Lily’s impending jail time; and (4) suggesting that the theme for the family picture be Chicago, a broadway show, which also stars a hardened female criminal.

So, why would the “Modern Royalty” book want a dysfunctional family like Lily’s featured within its pages?  Actually .  . . they don’t.  The book publishers call to cancel the photo shoot, shortly after Carol enters the building.  Feeling sympathetic to a heartbroken Lily, Dr. VDW promises her that he will “work on it.”

Good Luck, Charlie!

Oh, look!  Another seemingly innocent blonde, who’s about to become corrupted by the UES lifestyle, and will eventually go batsh*t crazy, and try to ruin Serena’s life, as a result.  Because we’ve never seen THAT before, right?

Downstairs, in the lobby of the high rise where she lives, Serena is accosted by a young woman who looks SO much like her, they could be related.  “My family is not talking to the press,” asserts Serena haughtily, who’s self-absorbed arrogance convinces her that everyone in the world is a reporter, who’s life’s purpose is to interview HER.

As it turns out, “Charlie” is NOT a reporter!  And she IS related to Serena.  In fact, she’s Carol Rhodes’ daughter, which makes her Serena’s cousin.  Curious about the EEEEVVVIL branch of her family that her mother never allowed her to meet, Charlie decided to secretly follow her mother to New York City, and find out about the van der Woodsen’s for herself.  So, Serena decides to bond with her long-lost relative the only way she knows how having sex with her: They go SHOPPING!

Though not as deliciously nasty as Carol, the socially awkward Charlie also endeared herself to me, with HER characterization of the van der Woodsen family!  When asked by Serena, why her mother thought the VDW’s were “toxic,” Charlie replied, “Both you and your brother spent time in a mental institution.  Your dad gave your mom Fake Cancer.  And your mom sent some teacher to prison, just so you could get into a fance boarding school.”

You forgot the part where my mother and I slept our way through every eligible (and some not-so-eligible) bachelors in the tri-state area!”

Meanwhile, Lily and Carol are, back at the house, strolling down memory lane as they flip through pictures of the failed pilot episode starring these two as teens them, from when they were growing up together, back in the 80’s.

This segways into a random discussion about a childhood dance routine (which Lily and Carol actually PERFORM for the camera . . . and it looks a little something like this) . . .

 . . . and .  . . get this . . . the Gold Unitards they wore during it.  Suddenly, Lily and Carol are ready to Spend Obscene Amounts of Money on Things They Don’t Need too . . . like Gold Unitards, which NO ONE over the age of FIVE should wear . . . trust me!  Of course, while shopping, Lily and Carol run into Serena and Charlie . . .

AWK-WARD!

Carol immediately begins scolding Charlie, in public, rambling on about how she doesn’t want HER daughter tainted by this Terrible Horrible Filthy Rich lifestyle to which the rest of the “Rhodes” family is already accustomed.  She then forces Charlie to return all the FABULOUS clothes she purchased (not to mention the priceless “family heirloom” Serena gave her) and head back to their spaceship HOUSE BOAT in Miami, ASAP.

But just when it seems like all hope of a family reunion is lost, Serena overhears CeCe remind her daughter Carol that SHE too has been receiving checks from Grandma Cruella Deville. for YEARS!  Serena tells Charlie this, which quickly prompts the young woman’s rebellion / decision to stay on the Upper East Side for a little while to cause more trouble for the Gossip Girl cast, like all recurring guest stars inevitably do“get to know her family.”

“Toto, I don’t think we are on the House Boat, anymore!”

Experiencing guilt over being such a hypocritical BIATCH to  her own baby sister, Carol ultimately agrees to let Charlie stay with the VDW’s.  (She even promises to visit Lily, while she’s in jail and smuggle her in pot brownies.   I KNEW I liked this chick, for a reason!) 

Of course, this is not before Carol ominously refers to some “event” that resulted in Charlie having to leave college, and warns her sister, Lily, to “watch out for [Charlie].”  Later, we see Carol leering at Charlie, as she flirts with Dan Humphrey, for the first time.  UH OH!  I think we all know where THIS is going . . .

“I REFUSE to be ignored, Lonely Boy!”

Oh, and just in case you actually cared, the van der Woodsen / Rhodes ultimately got to take their picture for the Modern Royalty book.  Dan was in the photograph, but Raccoon Zombie Jenny wasn’t, or Chuck, for that matter.  How RUDE! 

Hey!  Where are the Gold Unitards I was promised?

Speaking of family affairs you don’t really give two craps about, Nate Archibald is going to help Raina go on a mission to find her long lost mother, who, as we know, is (unbeknownst to Raina) burnt to a crisp, and dead as a doornail. 

 I hope they bring a shovel!

Finally, in the story you’ve all been waiting for . . .

Chuck wins back Blair . . . and loses her . . . again . . . in a matter of minutes

DAN:  “Are you here to fight for Blair’s honor?”

CHUCK:  “Nah, I just need to use your bathroom.  I have to piss like a racehorse!”

No one’s secrets are safe on Gossip Girl.  And when Blair admits to Epperley that she has experienced a “kiss that profoundly changed her,” Epperley immediately texts that information to Chuck.  So, of course, Chuck heads out, to find out who owns the “life changing lips” in question.  He visits Humphrey first.  And, within, minutes, the latter is just rambling on and on (and on . . . and on) about how WONDERFUL Blair is.  Chuck puts two and two together, and figures out that Dan Humphrey’s lips are the “Evil Culprits.”

“Yes, he can kiss you.   But the question is, can he give you HOT LIMO SEX?”

Determined to show up the competition, Chuck gets Epperley to invite Dan to the “Modern Royalty” photo shoot, under the guise of his being featured in the “up-and-comer” section.  Poor Misguided Humpty Dumpty immediately assumes that it was Blair that got him included in the book.  So, of course, he is thrilled at the prospect of her returning his affections. 

“She likes me!  She REALLY likes me!”

However, upon arriving at the shoot, Humphrey learns from Blair, herself, that this is NOT the case.

“DOH!”

In fact . . . get this . .  . Dan’s kiss was ONLY life-changing, in the sense that it made Blair realize that she NEVER WANTED TO DO IT AGAIN!  (Ouch!)  In fact, the only man she EVER wants to swap saliva with, for the rest of eternity, is . . . wait for it . . . CHUCK BASS!

But then, OF COURSE, Chuck, being CHUCK, has to go SCREW EVERYTHING UP, by confronting Blair with his extremely snobbish, and arrogant, scheme to show her that “Humdrum Humphrey” is not part of “their world.”   

(Dammit CHUCK!  You were SO CLOSE!  Why did you have to go and a be a . . . word that rhymes with your name, and starts with “F?” )

“Dan Humphrey may not be royalty, but at least he’s not a child,” argues Blair, before stomping off.

In an attempt to right his wrongs, Chuck later brings Blair into his dressing room and screws her brains out, like only he can shows her the original Princess Diana dress he bought for her (sweet . . . yet . . . at the same time . . . slightly morbid?).  You see, Chuck wants Blair to be in his photo for the “Modern Royalty” shoot, because SHE is his family . . .

All together now . . . “Awwwwwww!”

“We can build our futures together,” says Chuck.

“That’s funny.  Because, this morning, I came to same conclusion.  I was ready to be with you.  I thought you changed, but I can see you are not ready,” says Blair sadly.

She then exits stage left, leaving Chuck and his beautiful dress, all by themselves, thereby forcing the Big Bass to pose solo for the loneliest family portrait EVER!

Man, these characters can be SO frustrating sometimes!

Later, Blair confronts Dan, to apologize for the dirty trick Chuck played on him, and for telling Chuck that their kiss meant absolutely nothing, RIGHT IN FRONT OF DAN!  TO Dan’s credit, he takes rejection REALLY well. (I mean, given his history on this show, he’s GOTTA be used to this by now . . .) 

Heck, Dan was just happy Blair compared kissing him to kissing a DOG instead of a TOAD . . . (Talk about setting low standards for yourself!)

“Woof!”

But wait!  SOMEONE was listening in on Blair’s and Dan’s private conversation!  Golly gee, I wonder who it could BE?

SURPRISE!  It’s MAN-NESSA, the Psycho Stalker who Lives to Snoop, and who just so happened to be present at the photo shoot, as part of her NefariousPlan to Continually Cock Block Every Male on this Show! internship.

GG fans, I’m seriously thinking of starting a campaign to get this character hit by a BUS?  Anybody with me?

But it’s not bad enough that Man-nessa eavesdrops on Dan’s and Blair’s conversation.  SHE then decides, despite the fact that both members of the lip-locking party explicitly tell eachother that the kiss they shared meant nothing, to CALL SERENA and rat them out to HER!!!!

I’m serious about the whole Hit by a Bus Thing, by the way .  . . Or, maybe Chuck can throw her off the Empire State Building!  That would be pretty cool, right? 

The inability of Man-nessa to stay out of my favorite characters’ lives for any extended period of time, even though NOBODY LIKES HER ON THE SHOW, is doing something strange to me . . . it’s actually making me MISS THE RACCOON ZOMBIE!

Oh, the horror!

At the end of the episode, Dorota tucks a very distraught Blair back into bed.  “Why does love have to be so hard, Dorota?”  Blair whines.  “All I ever wanted was a simple fairytale. Kate Middleton has it!  And I have much shinier hair than she does! Although, she does have a better assortment of hats . . .”

True . . . on all counts.

To this, the wise Dorota replies, “Destiny is full of surprises.”

And then, in a not-so-big-surprise at least if you read the spoilers, like I do, Prince Louis emerges from his limosine, outside Blair’s home, carrying the shoe she left him in Paris, in true Cinderella fashion . . .

It looks like the race for Blair Waldorf’s heart, just gained another runner!  Better lace up those sneakers, Bass and Humphrey, because it looks like this one’s going to be a MARATHON.  XOXO!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

21 Comments

Filed under Gossip Girl

21 responses to “Kissing Cousins – A Recap of Gossip Girl’s “The Kids Stay in the Picture”

  1. CB girl

    AWE always love your reviews. Its not to get a review that is actually fun that sounds like it comes from someone who actually watches the show and not from a GG producer email that says “heres what happened please mention numerous times how awesomely awesome DB are that Jesus fails at life in comparison. Thanks!”

    Very entertaining review. Cant wait to see what you have to say next week 🙂

    • Hi CB Girl! Thanks so much for your kind words!

      I agree with you completely regarding what you said about the GG press coverage, of late. It’s odd to see many of the media reviewers being so shockingly pro Dair, when not too long ago (just about five or six episodes back, actually) when all the SUPER HOT Chair sex was happening, these same reviewers were staunch CB fans, right along with the rest of us.

      You know, it’s kind of like sports teams. There are real fans, and there are fair-weather fans. And the real fans are the ones who truly get rewarded in the end. 🙂 I really believe that.

      Now, I’ll admit that some of the Massive Fan Allegiance Switch comes from the writers dropping the ball a bit, in terms of how they are writing Chuck Bass’ character, lately. But to me, four years of solid history, and amazing chemistry between these two characters, can’t be undone by a few poorly written plotlines, and some out-of-character dialogue. True love just doesn’t work that way! 😉

  2. Elizabeth

    I love this recap to bits, which is more than I can say for the show at the moment. Even if I weren’t spoiled, I would have seen the fail bus coming to pick up the CB ship once again. Both were assuming all over the place and not talking at all. It’ll be nice if they learn to do that at some point. Until then, it looks like I’ll have your recaps to keep me entertained! Keep up the good work.

    • Hi Elizabeth! Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting! I’m really glad you enjoyed the recap! *blushes*

      In hindsight, I should have seen the “Fail Bus” (love that term, by the way!) coming for Chuck and Blair this week too! I suspect that the writers needed to have an excuse to delay the Chair reunion just a bit longer, in order to ramp up the Final Episode Drama that the three-man race for Blair’s heart will inevitably bring. But still, it was a bit disappointing, after all this time, to see Chuck and Blair falling back on the same bad habits we have seen them successfully overcome together, so many times in the past.

      On the other hand, after all this Raina / Bass Industries nonsense, the Chair fan in me was just THRILLED to FINALLY see Chuck fighting for Blair again, as we all know he really should have been doing, since the couple’s tragic breakup, at the end of the “Witches of Bushwick” episode.

      Game on, Chair! It’s time for the Dark Knight to be redeemed BIG TIME . . . and, of course, win back his Queen B, in the process. 🙂 I can’t wait!

  3. I am just so happy that Blair is finally getting all the attention. I get so sick of all the guys going crazy of Serena all the time – when Blair (in my humble opinion) is SO much hotter! Finally! Go crazy boys! Weeeee1 =D

    • Excellent point, diplomaticwife! I feel like there’s always been such a disconnect on Gossip Girl, between which female character got the most attention from other characters on the show (Serena), and which female character fans identified with the most (Blair). Because, when you think about it, with the exception of Chuck, up until just recently, EVERY male regular on the show ALWAYS seemed to choose Serena over Blair. But then, you’d go on fan pages for the show, and fans would inevitably spend more time praising Blair and her storylines, than Serena and hers.

      It’s refreshing to see the storylines on the show finally reflecting what the fans want to see . . . Well, at least they are reflecting WHO we want to see. The “what” is still arguably a bit up in the air, at least until this Love Polygon gets squared away satisfactorily. 😉

  4. Megan

    Hi! loved the recap and am so happy to see recappers who aren’t buying into the sudden “organic” DB storyline they keep insisting is so great in every review. Sometimes I think it’s to get information or interviews with the writers, so thank you for actually sharing what most feel about the show. I’ve become very disinterested in the show this second half (along with the other 7000,000 that took off) and have decided to wait until the series is over to watch again. I feel like this show has lost it’s spark recently and the stories have made the characters less of what they are. It feel very plot driven, not character based. I’ll always ship CB but I have lost my love for Gossip Girl. Last night I just felt like someone kicked me in the gut again as a Chuck and Blair fan when they’ve already beaten,thrown me to the ground, and spit on me. I’m just tired of it. Needless to say, I will continue to read your reviews even when I’m not watching.

    • Hi Megan! Thanks so much for your kind words. It’s genuinely nice to hear from intelligent and insightful longtime GG watchers, who have remained Chair fans, since the beginning. Lately, it sometimes seems like there is a Wall of Silence around our SHIP, almost as if people (and by “people” I mean “the media”) are now afraid to speak out on its behalf. And that is SO crazy, when you really think about it! Because Chair IS Gossip Girl, and has been, since about the middle of Season 1, ever since Chuck admitted to Blair on the balcony of that party that she gave him “butterflies.” 🙂

      I can certainly commiserate with your frustration with the show of late, and know that A LOT of people have made the same decision you made, with respect to watching it “live.” After all, the writers have all but said that Chuck and Blair are endgame. The rest, no matter how complex, or dramatic, is really just delay tactics and slight of hand. So, there is something to be said, for skipping over this part, waiting until Season 4 ends, purchasing the DVD, and just watching the first half (up through Witches of Bushwick) and the finale. This may allow you to keep your vision of Chair in tact, long after Gossip Girl has XOXO’ed for the last time.

      For what it’s worth, I do believe that Chair and GG are both on their way toward getting back on track. And I will do my best to continue faithfully covering the show each week for loyal longtime GG and Chair fans like you. My only hope is that I can continue to do the show and our SHIP justice 🙂

  5. GoodcopBasscop

    Hilarious review as usual, and just so I don’t go on rambling about Vanessa I don’t think anyone can FULLY EXPRESS how much they want Vanessa to be kicked out!!! I have an idea, lets have Dan, Serena, Nate, Blair, and Chuck all circle around her and completely humiliate her and then send her away!!!

  6. GoodcopBasscop

    Oh, and I am really looking forward to Chuck winning back Blair, it’s going to be epic!!!

    • I FULLY AND COMPLETELY agree with you, GoodcopBasscop? 🙂 (Don’t I always? ;))

      I’m genuinely starting to believe that Man-nessa’s entire purpose on the show is to unite all these warring SHIPS in their mutual hatred of ONE PERSON. Chair fans, Dairfans, Darena fans, Serenate fans . . . no matter WHO you are, chances are you still HATE Man-nessa! And there is something very refreshing about that! 🙂

      Oh, and, of course, the Chair reunion will TRULY be epic, not to mention, I believe, 100% worth all the pain and struggle our SHIP has had to endure, during these past few episodes! GO TEAM CHAIR! 🙂

  7. REgina

    love the recap as always.
    I really felt sorry for Dan though..he was like slap right in the face..tsktsk..
    Also,i agree bout how the characters can so frustrating, CHUCCK BASS!
    he could have just ask her,ASDASDSADASD!1
    But knowing Chuck Bass…

    • Dan did get kicked around quite a bit this week, didn’t he? Though I don’t think he’s at all right for Blair (because no one is more right for Blair than Chuck, obviously), I must admit that Humpty Dumpty has grown on me quite a bit, in these past few episodes. So, I DO want Lonely Boy to get a happy ending . . . with Serena, perhaps? 🙂

      And, you make a good point about Chuck, Regina. As unnerving as his behavior this week was, acting first, and asking questions later, has always been one of Chuck’s biggest character flaws (not to mention, one of Blair’s). So, even if these two are not yet acting on their best behavior, at least they are FINALLY acting like themselves, again! And, as far as I’m concerned, that’s a major step in the right direction, for this dynamic couple. 🙂

  8. Tammy

    Loved the review. It’s so hard to find a review this days which doesn’t make me think that I’m watching a completely different show. Thank you for this review. I hope Blair will come to her senses and finally come back to her King. She is Queen B she doesn’t need a prince she needs a king.

    • Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting, Tammy!

      You are SO right. So, many reviewers seem to be discounting the Chair relationship completely, based solely on recent events. But what about the PAST FOUR YEARS? Are we supposed to forget they existed, just because the writers are experimenting with some new storylines? HECK NO!

      As you said, a Queen B needs her KING C. Accept NO SUBSTITUTES! 🙂

  9. Jasmin

    Love this review. Lately this has been the best part of Gossip Girl, its certainly been more entertaining. Having said that I’m happy that the show is starting to steer back towards Chair so maybe/hopefully it will start to come back.
    I will admit that these last few episodes will determine whether I watch next season or not even though I will always ship Chair and read your awesome recaps.
    Last night it felt as if they were repeatedly kicking Chair fans while they are down but in many ways it is what is needed to be done in order for them to grow and start rebuilding their relationship.

    • Awww, thanks so much Jasmin! You are so sweet! You know, chatting with fellow Chair fans like you has been MY favorite part of Gossip Girl lately too. It’s nice to know there are others out there who love Chair as much as I do, and who have been experiencing the same frustrations I have been experiencing, regarding certain plotlines that shall remain nameless *cough the Raina Storyline cough*

      That being said, I love your positive outlook on the future of GG in general, and Chair specifically. I do agree with you (based on the promos and some of the sound bytes we’ve been getting from the GG writers and producers) that things are only going to get better, from here on out, for our SHIP. And I also like what you said about Chuck’s and Blair’s most recent argument being necessary for the growth of their relationship, and essential to their eventual reunion. I honestly didn’t see it, at first. But now that you’ve mentioned it, it makes complete sense to me.

      Blair needed to realize that she could still be a successful woman in her own right, AND be in a relationship with the man she loved, at the same time. And she DID realize that, this week. Now, Chuck needs to learn to trust Blair, and believe in his heart that she loves him enough not to ditch him at the first sign of struggle or strain in their relationship. As for Blair, she needs to learn that she doesn’t need the “fairytale” of a “royal relationship,” when the “Modern Royalty” Romance she has with Chuck is ten times better than any fairytale could ever be!

      I suspect these two realizations will come to BOTH of our favorite characters within the next few episodes. SQUEE! I can’t wait! 🙂

  10. angie

    Yay!! GG is back, and along with it, your fabulous recaps!!

    * Haha, I didn’t even notice that Nate and What’s-Her-Face had a storyline–skipped right over those scenes.
    * Argh! Chuck!! That mess was just absurd. When Blair said, “Dan Humphrey may not be royalty, but at least he’s not a child,” I was like ‘Ouch,’ but also like, ‘You go, girl!’ I’m glad she’s not taking that crap, but I’m pissed as hell that Chuck would pull that stunt. (Also, you would expect something much more devious from him, no?)
    * Vanessa…….. She’s getting REALLY creepy lately. Oh! And NYC is NOT that small, for crying out loud! Why is she everywhere??

    Thanks for the recap!!

    P.S. If you aren’t already, you should be a writer! I would totally read a magazine article by you! I love your sense of humor!

    • Hey angie! Thanks so much for your kind words!

      LOL re: your comment about “Nate and what’s-her-face.” Poor Nate Archibald! 🙂 Remember the early seasons of Gossip Girl, back when Nate had REAL STORYLINES, and actually interacted with the rest of the cast on a regular basis? Now, he’s like a glorified guest star on his OWN SHOW! Poor GUY! Always a bridesmaid . . . never a bride, if you catch my drift. 🙂

      You are absolutely right in your Chair analysis! As harsh as Blair was to Chuck this week, and as frustrating as it was to see this couple going THERE again, just when their relationship FINALLY seemed to be getting back on track, it was refreshing to see Blair stand up to Chuck, and tell him how things should BE in their relationship. If Chuck is going to win Blair back, and make himself worthy of her (which I have no doubt that he WILL), he is going to have to learn to (1) be more honest about his feelings for her; and (2) grow up / ditch all the petty scheming and jealousy of seasons past.

      Now, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE a good Chair scheme, as much as the next girl. But I think it’s high time Chuck and Blair stopped “punking” eachother, and combined their deliciously naughty forces together to punk OTHERS, don’t you? 🙂

  11. Allie

    Fantastic recap! I couldn’t read it until now because my work network blocked it as “porn” (?!)- maybe because of the “kissing cousins” in the title, who knows. Anyway, point being, every time I see the “why are you even here?!” gif, I snarf up whatever I’m drinking. Vanessa FTL.

    Also, the D Humps gifs were fantastic.

    Favorite line? “Dan’s kiss was ONLY life-changing, in the sense that it made Blair realize that she NEVER WANTED TO DO IT AGAIN! (Ouch!) ” Well played.

    • Oh no! I’ve been classified as INTERNET PORN! *blushes* LOL! That’s hysterical! Maybe it has something to do with the CB limo sex GIF? 🙂 Clearly, internet search engines don’t understand my sense of humor! 🙂 Those GIFS are TOTALLY Rated PG. (PG13 tops!)

      Vanessa FTL, indeed! You just know if that character was on a vampire show, like TVD, she’d get eaten within the first two episodes, and would never both anyone AGAIN! It kind of makes me wish TVD and the CW had a crossover episode, just so Vampire Damon could get this pesky witch out of our hair, for good! Because, you are absolutely right, Vanessa’s ability to always pop up EVERYWHERE she isn’t wanted, is getting SERIOUSLY creepy! Talk about fatal attraction!

      LOL, regarding your Humpty Dumpty comments. There was just so much unexpected Dair ire, coming from Blair, herself, no less, in the lines of this episode. It was almost enough to make me feel pity for Dair shippers . . . almost. 🙂

      Thanks so much for your awesome comment and kind words, Allie. This “internet pornographer” really does appreciate it. 😉

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