An Important Message from Future Nick Miller – A Recap of New Girl’s “Re-launch” and “Katie”

Ah, New Girl. There is so much to love about this show. It’s got penis casts (and penis diapers?), random dancing, drinking games, references to Game of Thrones,and people shaking their asses at one another, just because they can . . .

But really, for me at least, New Girl is about one man . . . THIS MAN . . .

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Nick Miller, you are the fictional love of my life . . . my Grumpy TV Boyfriend for life. This is why, though plenty of other things happened, during the New Girl two-episode season premiere, most of this recap is going to be dedicated to you . . . and your turtle face.

Nick Miller’s Greatest Hits

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Here’s how I know, the writers of New Girl care about me as a fan. Even before the opening credits rolled, we got to see both Nick and Schmidt in their mostly naked glory. I mean, granted, penis cast diapers aren’t exactly the hottest male fashions of 2012 . . .

But hey, when a girl has gone an entire season without ANY Naked Nick and Schmidt in her life. She’ll take what she can get.

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Did I mention that Nick Miller sings “Groove is in the Heart,” while in the shower, and has a terrible singing voice?

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You might not know this about me, but I also sing bad 90’s music, while in the shower. And I too have an awful singing voice. Now, that’s what I call kismet . . .

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Nick Miller feels your pain . . .

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You can tell how far Jess and the guys have come in their relationship, when she gets canned from her job . . .

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. . . and they awkwardly rally around her, trying to cheer her up, as opposed to merely be annoyed at her, like they were, when she first moved in . . .

Nick, in particular, seems deeply affected by Jess’ loss. It even causes him to develop an Eye Twitch . . .

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Though Jess initially claims to be OK with her new-found unemployment . . .

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Nick doesn’t buy it, and goes to great lengths to help her through this difficult time. He compliments her beauty . . .

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. . . and her artistic endeavors . . .

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He encourages her . . .

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He even dances for her. (And Nick Miller doesn’t dance for just anybody.)

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And when Jess’ foray as “shot girl,” at Schmidt’s “Dangerous Penis Party” . . .

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. . . causes her to finally break down, and face her fears about being an out-of-work teacher . . .

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. . . it’s Nick who races off to find her, comfort her, and, of course, tell her she has a plywood ass . . .

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Nick Miller will help you get laid . . . but only if you want to get laid by guys named Bearclaw . . .

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While Schmidt is coping with the idea that Cece has moved on to an adorably average looking guy . . .

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Jess’ unemployed, off-the-grid mojo is off the charts. This enables her to draw the attention of, not one, but both of Nick’s fellow bartenders, in addition to this really hot guy, who just so happens to think she’s a dancer named Katie, who he met on OK Cupid . . .

Given Jess’ recent hike in sex appeal, and Nick’s newly single status . . .

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Can you really blame the guy for “accidentally” giving Jess’ number to the goofy guy with a Bearclaw tattoo on his back, instead of his much less bear-like friend, in whom she was very obviously interested?

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Eventually, Jess’ identity thieving, two-timing ways, end up getting her busted in a bar bathroom. And Nick gets a front row seat to her humiliation. (Though, I guess, when you think about it, the whole thing is actually more impressive, than it is embarrassing.)

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One person who thought this feat was impressive, was actually Jess’ fellow bathroom humper Sam, who decided to continue engaging in mindblowing sex with Jess, despite the fact that she was a liar, who absolutely hated his favorite band, Creed. Sorry, Nick! Better luck, next Bearclaw . . .

Nick Miller will apologize to you for things he hasn’t even done yet!

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What would you do, if you had the opportunity to come face-to-face with your future self?

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What kinds of things would you ask him or her?

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And would you take future you’s advice, even if “future you” sort of / kind of seemed like a wackjob, who wore a tin foil hat, and “time traveled” in a cardboard box, while making weird beeping noises?

Nick did. And it’s probably a testament to his obviously burgeoning feelings for Jess, that, despite the fact that Future Nick might well have been a total nutbar, Nick decided, at the end of the episode, to make his female roommate an old fashioned, and apologize to her for any harm he might cause her heart, in the near future . . .

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Yeah . . . that’s what us folks in the literary and media world like to call FORESHADOWING . . .

Don’t you, worry Nick Miller. Something tells me you and Jess will be having sandwiches and sex together soon enough. ~~It should have been ME, dammit!~~