Sunglasses = The Ultimate Hangover Accessory
This week’s installment of Glee was kind of like a weekend-long, alcohol-fueled bender. It was random, plot-free, only mildly coherent, embarrassing, vomit-filled, and, yet . . . at the same time . . . AWESOME!
So, fill up those shot glasses, turn on some Ke$ha, and get ready to make out with someone completely inappropriate, because it’s time for a GLEECAP!
Everybody in the School, Get Tipsy!
When the episode begins, Principal Figgins (or, as I like to call him, The Fig) is, once again, in need of Mr. Schuester’s help. Apparently, McKinley High’s alcohol content has recently skyrocketed to Charlie Sheen-type levels. The entire student body is walking around blitzed on Four Loko, cheap beer, and Mike’s Hard Lemonade (a.k.a. The Good Stuff). To combat this trend, The Fig wants The Schue and his Glee kids to perform a song about “the Dangers of Drinking” at the school’s “Alcohol Awareness Assembly.”
Normally, The Schue would welcome this opportunity! The problem is that lately he has become DEPRESSED. And, why not? He’s lonely and divorced. The object of his affections is house hunting with her faux-husband, Jesse from Full House (Have MERCY!). And . . . well . . . actually, I’m not sure what it is about THIS week that is making Will so much more miserable than usual. I mean, his life is the same degree of sucky that’s it’s been for about four episodes now! But it’s important to the plot that he be “depressed.” So, we’ll deal . . .
Always one to rub Will’s face in things, Sue materializes to tell Will that Alcohol Awareness Week will most certainly send our favorite Spanish Teacher straight to the Drunk Tank.
Now that you mention it Sue, a Rehab-themed episode of Glee would be FABULOUS. Just imagine all the Special Guest Stars we’d get to see!
But enough about those BORING teachers! We want to see some GLEE KIDS GET WRECKED!
Rachel Berry’s House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza!
Poor Rachel! She had such good intentions. There she is, just minding her own business, trying to create an original song for Regionals, when a (very hot) Mohawked-devil LITERALLY appears on her shoulder, and tries to convince her to throw a party at her house, while her two dads are on vacation. Rachel initially rebuffs Puck’s offer. But there’s nothing like a Really Bad Musical Performance to drive our diva heroine straight to the bottle . . .
Truth be told, Rachel’s “Original” single, “My Headband,” probably isn’t going to make it on to the Top 100 Itunes Downloads this week. And yet SOME might have found it inspiring!
Unfortunately, for Rachel, Finn is more of a pigtail-type guy, and, therefore, doesn’t show Rachel’s ode to headgear the love that it deserves. Rachel realizes that the reason she can’t come up with an “inspired” original song is that she has no “life experience.” She has never even TASTED ALCOHOL BEFORE! And so, our girl decides to throw a house party, after all, and invite “all of her friends” i.e. the Glee Club and Blaine.
The Glee crew is skeptical at first, as to whether Rachel will truly be able to “throw down” with the rest of them. And yet, they all ultimately decide to attend, looking forward to the Massive Trainwreck that will inevitably result . . .
Doesn’t this screenshot kind of look like one of those Sex Hotline ads you usually see on TV at 3am? Justin sayin’
As expected, the party gets off to a pretty lame start, with Rachel, clad in a what looks like my grandma’s nightgown, pawning off wine coolers on her guests, and threatening to involve them in a game of “Celebrity.”
Oh, Rachel! Hasn’t having two gay dads taught you ANYTHING about fashion?
Once Puck convinces Rachel to let him break into the liquor cabinet, however, things pick up, rather quickly.
We are treated to a fun little Drunk Party Montage, to the tune of Far East Movement’s G6, as Designated Driver Finn generously gives us all a tutorial on the “Different Types of Drunk People.” (Who said you couldn’t learn anything from Glee?)
Which type are YOU?
Angry that Finn has dubbed her Needy Drunk, Rachel sets out to prove how very UN-needy she is, by setting up a game of Spin the Wine Cooler Bottle. To everyone’s surprise, the hottest kiss of the night actually belongs to . . RACHEL AND BLAINE?
Sexual orientation aside, these two are actually kind of smokin’ together. For one thing, they look like FRATERNAL TWINS! (Wait . . . ewwww . . . nevermind. That’s not awesome AT ALL!)
Honestly, am I the only one who thinks Drunk Blaine and Drunk Rachel are WAY MORE FUN, and WAY LESS ANNOYING / JUDGEMENTAL than Sober Blaine and Sober Rachel? I didn’t think so . . .
“Your face tastes awesome,” slurs Rachel in Blaine’s ear. (YAY, Cannibalism!)
After swapping spit and gnawing on one another’s faces for a good twenty seconds, while a dejected Kurt looks on miserably, Rachel and Kurt segway immediately into an impromptu duet of The Human League’s “Don’t You Want Me?”
Considering how COMPLETELY FUBAR-ed these two individuals supposedly are, the resulting performance is surprisingly good! See for yourself . . .
Unfortunately, we don’t get to actually see the rest of the party. However, we can assume that the night went pretty well, when we see Kurt’s dad Burt (who NEVER TAKES OFF HIS BASEBALL CAP, by the way. What’s up with that?) barge into Kurt’s bedroom the next morning, only to find THIS GUY in there . . .
“WAY TO GO, KURT! (My son is a TOTAL PIMP!)”
“The Hair of the Dog that Bit Yo Ass”
Despite the party having taken place on Friday night, the Glee kids are all conveniently still completely hungover by Monday. (LIGHTWEIGHTS!) The experience of being hungover has somehow converted Artie into Chris Rock. So, he informs the rest crew, in a RIDICULOUS accent, that they should all join him for some Bloody Marys, a.k.a. “The Hair of the Dog that Bit Yo Ass.”
Cut to the once-again inebriated Glee kids performing “Blame it on the Alcohol” for Mr. Schue in the school auditorium, while swaying back and forth on Rotating Red Leather Furniture(?). Seriously? What kind of BUDGET does the Glee Club have that they get these type of props? At my high school, musical performances in the auditorium always featured the exact same scenery: Hand-Drawn Smiley Faces on Posterboard . . .
The Schue, who apparently has NO SENSE OF SMELL WHATSOEVER, and is also a moron, can’t tell his own students are wasted. They are just REALLY GOOD ACTORS. (De-Nial ain’t just a river in Egypt, Schuester!) And yet, Will wonders whether this Jaime Foxx ditty glorifies drinking a bit TOO much to be performed at the Alcohol Awareness Ceremony.
You be the judge . . .
The Schue Gets Sloshed
Tired of listening to Will’s nonstop “wah-wahing” about how sucky his life is (Aren’t we ALL?), The Schue’s new bestie, The Beiste, decides to take the Glee Club advisor out for a night of hard drinking, bull riding, and cheesy line dancing. The pair even get up on stage and sing a duet of that countrified ode to wasted-ness, “One Bourbon, One Shot, One Beer.”
This would all be well and good, except for the fact that Will still has Spanish tests to grade . . .
“Que HAGO Uds.?” “Yo ESTOY el hermano de Pepe?” YO NO THINK SO!
After giving all his CLEARLY illiterate Spanish students A+’s on their exams (I am SO transferring to this school!), Will makes the same fateful mistake many of us unfortunately make after a night of endless boozing and faux-soul searching. Of course, I am referring to . . . THE DRUNK DIAL!
“Emma? I luuuuuuuuuuuve youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!“
As luck would have it, the following morning, when a VERY hungover, also sunglasses wearing (Product Placement much?) Schuester arrives at school and confronts Emma about his belligerent late night phone call, she has no idea what he’s talking about.
“PHEW! Now THAT would have been embarrassing . . .”
Then again, maybe he’s NOT so lucky, after all . . .
“You want to put your . . . WHAT . . . in my . . . WHAT?”
In sober-er news . . .
Ring Around the Closet . . .
Poor Little Ornery Kurt! He’s not exactly having the best episode. First, he made the mistake of STAYING SOBER at Rachel’s party. So, he had his full faculties, when he had to watch the man of his dreams make out with his new gal pal. Then, his dad read him the riot act about having Blaine sleep over, despite the fact that the dude was so wasted, Kurt didn’t even get to COP A FEEL! Kurt accuses his dad of having a double standard, regarding the whole sleepover issue. “If Finn had PUCK sleepover at the house, you wouldn’t care!” Kurt whines.
*sigh* A Finn and Puck sleepover . . . I’ve had dreams about this . . .
Burt gently reminds Kurt that his analogy is a POOR one. While Burt wouldn’t care if Finn had PUCK sleepover, he WOULD care if Finn had Quinn or Rachel sleepover. (Does that mean KURT can have Rachel sleepover, without his dad getting mad? I mean, it’s only fair, right?)
“I watched all of Brokeback Mountain. Now, I don’t know much about gay stuff, but I’m pretty sure something went on in that tent,” Burt notes wryly . . .
*sigh* Memories!
Ultimately, the father / son duo come to a compromise. Kurt will ask Daddy, before having any possibly gay dudes sleep with him (a.k.a. any guy in Glee Club). In return, Burt will school himself on the wonders of male-on-male sex, just in case Kurt happens to “have any questions” on the topic. (Oh, Burt! I have a WHOLE LIST of really great movies I can recommend for you on this topic. Just call me, OK?)
But Kurt’s dad is the least of his problems. Kurt also has to worry about the fact that a ONCE AGAIN drunk (My, they sure fall off the wagon fast on this show!) Rachel has asked Blaine out on a REAL date, post kiss. And Blaine has accepted!
“And we can play Barbies, and watch The Care Bears Movie, and you can braid my hair, and play with my dollhouse . . .”
Kurt sees Blaine’s acceptance of a date with Rachel as a blatant rejection of Kurt homosexuality. Blaine argues that he is just not that into him “confused” about whether he’s into dudes, chicks, or both, and that Kurt should stop chasing after him like a wounded puppy be more understanding. Then Blaine ends the conversation, just as any straight manly man would, by sticking his tongue out, flipping his hair, and strutting off, in a huff . . .
That night Kurt stops by Rachel’s house to ask stalkerish questions about Blaine, and interrogate her about the Infamous Date the two shared help her clean up the basement, after the big party. To Kurt’s chagrin, the pair actually had a great time. Kurt “kindly” tells Rachel that she is destined to a be a perpetual . . . forgive the expression . . . “Fag Hag” to gay guys pretending to be straight, starting with Blaine. Now, if I were Rachel, I would of SLAPPED Kurt in the face for saying that to ME! (Even though, let’s face it, it’s probably true . . . for Rachel at least.)
I love how, in this screencap, you can clearly see the bra Brittany was wearing earlier, at the party, hanging on the wall, behind Rachel and Kurt . . . It’s all about the details!
But Rachel, to her credit, refuses to be bullied by Jealous Kurt, and his pronouncements of doom and gloom. She vows to kiss Blaine sober, thereby proving, once and for all, that the Warbler, is, in fact, in love with her. After all, she is not about to pass up the opportunity to have “A New Musical Boyfriend” and . . . eventually, “vaguely Eurasian-looking babies.” I mean, can you blame her?
The next day, at the coffee shop, as Kurt creepily looks on, Rachel plants another smackeroo on the Blainester . . .
Blaine’s reaction? “Yep, I’m gay,” replies the Head Warbler, before exiting the coffee shop.
WOW! Insensitive much? Who knew gay guys could be such D-bags? Fortunately, Rachel takes the rejection in stride. Besides, being dumped by a gay guy in the middle of Starbucks is GREAT song-writing material. Even, Rachel’s headband would agree!
I Didn’t Know Vomit Could be That Color . . .
Looks more like Wet Cement . . . actually.
It’s the day of the Alcohol Awareness Assembly, and the Glee kids are unusually nervous about their performance of Ke$ha’s (or, as The Fig calls her “Ke Dollar Sign a”) rousing alcoholic anthem “Tik Tok.” Fortunately, Rachel has come bearing courage-fabricating “refreshments.” Said “refreshments” apparently include the REST of the contents of her dads’ liquor cabinet, all poured into one big yummy vat . . . along with cough syrup . . . and some crushed up Oreos . . .
Mmmmm . . . Yummy!
Led by Ke$ha lookalike Brittany, and her criminally short-shorts, the Glee kids give a performance that starts off rather well, and ends in . . . for lack of a better word, Vomitpalooza 2011.
“Everybody drink responsibly,” slurs Brittany at the end of the performance, before rushing off for an intense session of Oreo Cookie Tossing and Porcelain God Praying.
You can enjoy the Glee kids, in all their pukey splendor, RIGHT HERE . . .
To add insult to vomit-covered injury, the next day, Sue decides to broadcast Will’s drunk dial to Emma across the student loudspeaker, during morning announcements. (Poor Will! He must not have very many friends AT ALL, if “Sue’s” name comes anywhere near “Emma’s” in his Cell Phone Contact List.)
Usually, on television shows like this, “Drunk Declarations of Love” are surprisingly romantic, eloquent, and poignant. Not so here! Kudos to Glee for showing the world what REAL DRUNK DIALS sound like: disturbing, stalkerish, and incredibly creepy.
“Bring some wine coolers to my place, and we can get busy together ALL night . . . I rode a bull tonight, and when I was riding it, I was thinking of YOU,” slurs Will into his phone. (Ummm . . . ew?)
“Awwww, you think I look like a Mechanical Bull! That’s the sweetest thing anybody’s ever said to me!”
But just in case you were worried that our Glee kids and Will would experience repercussions for their bad behavior, worry not! The Fig LOVED IT! Thanks to the Glee kids barf, and Will’s humiliation, no one wants to be drunk in school anymore.
Uhhhh . . . your welcome?
In fact, The Fig is so grateful to the Glee club for their effort, he gives them all coupons to buy yogurt! Because that’s the first thing you want to eat, after you’ve vomited up your insides . . . mushy, chunky, globule, yogurt . . .
That afternoon, at Glee club practice, The Schue makes all the students sign pledges promising to stay sober through Nationals. However, he also gives the crew his cell phone number, so that, in case they DO end up getting wasted, he can come pick them up from whatever dark alley they decide to shoot heroine in.
Can I get that number too, Will?
And that’s all she wrote! Be sure to tune in two-weeks from now, when The Schue FINALLY takes a break from whining and complaining about how miserable his life is, in order to rock out to some Prince songs, and bang Gwyneth Paltrow. Good times!
See ya then!
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TV Recappers Anonymous 
Great recap as always! I thought this episode was good too – Glee returning back to “silly” episodes instead of the after school specials that have become more and more frequent. And add in alcohol – well, it’s always fun to see the Glee kids go crazy, amirite? (Santana doing body shots off of Brittany, anyone?)
Finn wasn’t a douche! (maybe because he didn’t have much of a storyline…) Kurt kind of was though – he kind of slammed all bisexuals as “fake” and then whoa – Blaine proved him right. I think Blaine’s storyline could have worked better if the writers showed him actually feeling uncertain about his sexuality prior to this episode. You know…like development of a story idea. Instead, Blaine just comes across as flakey and thoughtlessly impulsive (He didn’t think about how he felt about kissing girls before coming out as gay?….). Plus, he knew how Kurt feels about him right? Kind of insensitive to make out with a girl while the guy who’s been hopelessly in love with you watches.
BUT, I still liked this episode. It was funny and an example of Glee not taking itself so seriously. (btw – loved your Blair Waldorf headband collage up there!)
Hi snottlebie! I’m so glad you liked this week’s Glee installment too. I feel like, for whatever reason, people either loved or hated this episode. So, it’s nice to chat with a person who felt the same way about it that I did: Namely, it was just FUN. It didn’t try too hard to be preachy, or particularly issue-oriented. It didn’t really even take all that firm of a stance against underage drinking. And I, for one, appreciated the episode’s silliness and simplicity.
You are a Skins fan, right? I actually watched the most recent Skins installment last night, and was intrigued by how surprisingly similar Blaine’s and Tea’s storylines are. Unlike many homosexual television characters, these two seemingly had no trouble initially coming out of the closet. Characters like Kurt tend to have trouble saying they are gay, initially. But, once they are out, they seem to have little trouble embracing a homosexual lifestyle.
Conversely, Blaine and Tea are very outspoken about being gay. However, THEY seem fearful of getting into a REAL serious homosexual relationship. Sure, they can make the BIG BOLD gestures, like when Blaine sang to that dude at the Gap, and Tea invited Betty to the club. But when it comes to having an actual gay relationship, they run scared.
I think that’s probably why Tea slept with Tony, and Blaine dated and kissed Rachel. They don’t necessarily feel sexually attracted to these individuals. They just see these straight prospective mates as “a good match” for them physically and intellectually. Tea and Blaine also know that, if they date Tony and Rachel, it will never become serious. Folks like, Kurt, Abbud, and Betty, on the other hand, scare Tea and Blaine, because they are SO obviously into them, and therefore, represent the long term relationships that Tea and Blaine aren’t quite sure they are ready to have.
At least, that’s how I see it 🙂
On the other hand, at least TEA seemed like she felt BAD about toying with Betty’s and Abbud’s hearts. Conversely, the callous, self-centered Blaine didn’t give a second thought to whether he hurt Kurt or Rachel by his actions. Along with his diva-like tendencies, and judgmental behavior, these are some of the problems I have with the Blaine character. I do love Darren Crissm though. I think he’s very talented, and plays this part well. (He’s also pretty hot, which certainly doesn’t hurt.)
Yep, Finn was a tad less douchey this week – although I felt he could have been a bit more tactful with Rachel, during the scenes he had with her. I don’t care how drunk a person is, NO ONE likes to be called clingy or needy. 🙂
And yeah, Kurt bugged me this week, less for how he was with Blaine (who sort of deserved it), than for how he was with Rachel (apparently, this was Be Mean to Rachel Week) and, even more, egregiously, his father. Though Burt may not always SAY the right things, you can tell that Kurt’s dad is always REALLY trying hard to be understanding and respectful of his son’s lifestyle and bond with him. I don’t think Kurt gives his dad enough credit most of the time.
I almost forgot that the next episode is the Brittana one! 🙂 I’m surprised they didn’t show more of that in the promo, as the SHIP has SUCH a major fanbase in Glee World, certainly a large fanbase than Schue and Holly. That being said, between the two new couples, it definitely promises to be a “Sexy” episode.
Great recap… I et is was hard to write a recap of such a plot-less episode… I must admit I liked that lack of sense this week tho… As you said this was a FUNNY episode.
As for Blaine, I´m totally with you. They left him totally aside last week instead of giving us a little bit of his now very present sexual insecurity. The writers just threw this at our faces and no one saw that coming. I mean while drunk everything was ok…. but then at tarbucks just telling Kurt “I though I was gay, maybe I am bi” WTF??? Kut is right when he says what are you talking about? You´re kinda my support system beacuse of your confidence and all………. Now I come to ralize, this is not the first time Blaine is a little double-standar-ed .. Remember when he told Kurt: “we all wear uniforms here,,,, it´s all about team work” or something….. And then he sings everything by himself and leaves no other to even try to scream a note…. Just saying
That aremy issuea with Blaine as a character…. Maybe is because they introduced him as a “confident and openly gay teen” maybe if they would say instead “as confused as Kurt but woring on it together”….
Blaine had a point tho…. when he says they bullied you beacuse they didn´t like what you are….. and what are ou doing now??? snap
Now, for a plot-less episode this was good stuff LOL
Rachel…. haha I´m with u Kurt did not have a good episode but neither did Rachel…. Even when she desrved being bullied and slaped, kicked, etc fo wearing that hedious night gown who made hr look like a very uncool and no-sense-of-fashion-ed zombie… EWW.. Seriously WHY? I kinda accept the fact that sh wears everything that can be on the rack of kids R us but this is just aweful.
Kurt mean to his dad: not cool!! I totally agree with u when u say Burt has tryed his best to be there for his son
By the way… Did you notice Kurt stopped by Rachel´s to help her cleaning like th nex wednesday??? Is she that gross??? Living in filth for like about half a week… Eww
I´d like to say I loved how the new buddieship of The Schue And the Beiste is developing. I also loved this episode was not at all to try to sermon us about the alcohol or dangers and blah blah but just showed us how it is in real life….. You got to love that about Glee… Whrn thy teach you things without shoving them through your throat they nail it
Hi al! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting! Yay! Another “Blame it on the Alcohol” lover! I’m so happy to find others who enjoyed the episode as much as I did.
You are right. This was a hard episode to recap, in terms of organization, because there were no real cohesive storylines. Everything was sort of a mishmash of drunken hilarity. That being said, the episode was so funny, in and of itself, the “funny” parts of the recap really wrote themselves.
I agree with you completely about the whole “teenage drinking” issue. It was refreshing to see a “controversial” topic like that handled in a genuine, fun, and non-preachy way. So, often prime time shows seem to feel the need to teach us “lessons.” But we don’t watch Glee for “lessons.” We watch it to laugh for an hour and listen to (usually) good music! Ultimately, I feel that the writers got their message across, in a way that didn’t alienate or talk down to its target audience.
You and I are EXACTLY on the same page about Blaine! While, he can defintely be cute and charming, one of the character’s most annoying faults is his self-righteousness. He pressures Kurt to stand up to Karofsky, and be openly gay at his school. And yet, he seems frightened about being in an openly gay relationship himself. He tells Kurt to not grandstand in the Warblers, and to be part of the “team.” And yet he’s a bigger DIVA than even Kurt is! I would love to see one of the other Warblers get a solo just ONCE. I don’t even think Blaine is a SENIOR. Shouldn’t the GRADUATING students get a chance to shine?
That being said, I still think Kurt and Blaine would be a fun couple, who might even out one another’s more annoying faults. So, I do hope they can ultimately work through their respective issues.
LOL about Rachel’s clothing. Some of her outfits I actually find cute, in a childlike quirky way. But that nightgown was THE WORST! Where would one even buy something that hideous? The Old Age Home? 🙂
Thanks so much for taking the time to share your fun thoughts and insights about the episode with me. I really do appreciate it! 🙂
Sorry for all the mispelled words… my keyboard sucks
Well done Julie! I want to slap Rachel every Glee episode. She annoys me soooo friggin much and the only thing saving her is her beautiful voice. Her party dress reminded me something that a 1980s Barbie doll would wear, but I totally didn’t get why she wore such a mumu outfit?!? I enjoy Rachel fake acting drunk but not sober: totally agreed. I also have a TV crush on Will, even though he is mournful.
What do we think of Matthew Morrison: real life straight or gay?
Also, WTF, spin the bottle is like, totally jr. high, not like, high school at all. And adore the photo montage of Blair from Gossip Girl with all of her pretty headbands 🙂
Hey Tanya! LOL, you are so right about Rachel being more fun drunk, than sober. In fact, I think Rachel should develop an alcohol problem on the show. This way, she could be drunk all the time . . . and WAY more likeable, as a result. 🙂 Then, when things get too out of control, she could go to rehab, during a “Very Special Episode of Glee.” (Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen could guest star!) 🙂
I love that you describe Will Schuester as “mournful.” 🙂 That’s a pretty accurate description of the character, actually. Will’s got an AMAZING BODY, which definitely earns him points in my book. However, I’ve always been a Puck girl, myself. I guess it’s the whole “Bad Boy” thing . . .
Hmmm . . . you know, I’ve heard the gay rumors swirling around Matthew Morrison. I was always inclined to see him as straight. I just kind of feel like, if he was gay, then acting on Glee (which is produced and written by the openly gay Ryan Murphy, and stars the also openly gay Chris Colfer), would be the perfect opportunity to come out of the closet, and be accepted with open arms for doing so. So, when Morrison, instead, came out publicly to debunk rumors of his homosexuality, I assumed he was telling the truth. After all, what reason would he have to lie?
Of course, I’ve been wrong before. 🙂
What is Rachel wearing!? Looks like something from the 40s? XD
Even we didn’t have those props! At one of the most expensive schools on the state.
LOL. That rotating couch was pretty ridiculous. But if I had to choose my favorite “WAYYYY too expensive for a public high school” Glee Prop, it would have to be the BUCKETS and BUCKETS of water that poured forth from the auditorium ceiling, during the “Singing in the Rain / Umbrella” number from a few months back.
The water bill alone would have bankrupted most schools. Hope they had good flood insurance!