Beck | TV Recappers Anonymous

Awww, I’m sorry Jesse St. James! Drawing on your face like that was immature and wrong (not to mention, bad for your complexion). You know what else is “immature and wrong?” Quitting the school you just transferred to a week or so ago, because people were “mean to you” there, and cracking eggs on your ex-girlfriend’s head because YOUR FRIENDS told you to . . . Guess that means, we’re even. Here’s hoping your face breaks out from all the scribbling I did on it . . .

Don’t you hate it when your boyfriend transfers schools to get away from you, and then breaks up with you in front of ALL of your friends, by singing a Queen cover song, that not-so-subtly implies you were just another notch on the bedpost for him? Yeah, we really feel for you Rachel! But whatever you do, PLEASE don’t break out the Suicidal Beanie Baby dress again!

You and that lamb on your head have so much to live for!

There was a lot of talk amongst Glee fans this week, about how the show’s producers switched this week’s episode, “Funk” with last week’s “Theatricality,” so that the Gaga-themed episode would coincide with the American Idol Finale. Many attributed that random switcheroo to the off-putting weirdness that ultimately developed into what I would hereby like to refer to as “Jesse-gate.” However, seeing as Jesse didn’t appear AT ALL in “Theatricality.” And, in the episode prior to that, he was being all sorts of sweet to Rachel, and even told Ms. Corcoran he cared about the head Gleek, I’m not sure that switch was completely to blame here. Simon Cowell agrees with me . . .

. . . but Randy and Paula clearly don’t. (Hey Paula! You’re not even on Idol any more! You no longer get a say in these types of disputes!)

Exploring Jesse-gate

As I’ve already suggested above, this week’s installlment of Glee opens with our Glee kids’ nemesis, Vocal Adrenaline, breaking into their auditorium. The purpose of the break-in, you ask? Well, it appears that Vocal Adrenaline heard a rumor that New Directions was poised to beat them at Regionals, and wanted to psych out their biggest competition. This also gave Vocal Adrenaline’s not-so-former star, Jesse St. James the opportunity to be a poorly constructed plot device inform the Glee kids that he was back working for the enemy, and that he and Rachel were totally dunzo. And just in case Jesse’s big speech wasn’t enough to nail the final coffin into his temporary relationship, he had to go and do this . . .

Careful Jesse! Something tells me microphones aren’t the ONLY thing that girl has had in her mouth, recently . . .

Now, don’t get me wrong, “Another One Bites the Dust” was good. It just wasn’t my favorite Vocal Adrenaline performance. For that, I’d have to go with “Highway to Hell.” In this song’s defense, the fact that I was shouting four letter words at Jesse the entire time the group was performing, probably didn’t help matters . . .

As if this whole abusive and completely illogical scene wasn’t hard enough to watch, later on in the episode, Rachel receives a call from Jesse, telling her to meet him the parking lot. She runs out all happy and slow motion style, which, by the way, I DON’T UNDERSTAND AT ALL, seeing as the dude COMPLETELY humiliated her just moments earlier. And that’s when THIS happens . . .

There were two things (aside from the obvious, of course) that really irked me about the “Rachel egging scene.” First, how FRIGGIN OLD do those Vocal Adrenaline kids look? Aside from Jesse, these guys seriously look to be pushing about middle age! It’s like that Chinese Olympic gymnast controversy in reverse.

“Yeah, if you believe those Vocal Adrenaline ‘kids’ are 16, then we’re 45!”

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m ALL FOR twenty-something’s playing teens . . .

(Yes, I’m looking at you, my sexy Puck Man!) However, when your “high school kids” look like they are about ready to register for AARP benefits, THAT is a problem!

My second issue with the scene came into play when Jesse said “I loved you” to Rachel, before cracking that egg on her head. Jesse, what exactly did Rachel DO to make you NOT “love” her anymore? I mean come on! The beanie baby dress wasn’t THAT bad!

Hmm . . . then again . . .

Will Schuester has a cute butt. Alert the media!

I guess one positive (depending on how you felt about this particular plotline) of Rachel getting her heart stomped on by the conveniently turned-evil, Jesse, was that it inspired Will to seek revenge on Sue Sylvester. His maniacal plan of genius? To get her to FALL IN LOVE with him . . .

. . . only so he could DUMP her before her Cheerleading Cheerios were set to compete in Nationals. This whole plotline was BIZARRE on SO MANY LEVELS. For one thing, it seemed so ENTIRELY out of character for Will to even CONCEIVE of pulling this off, let alone actually do it. For another, Sue just doesn’t strike me as the type of gal who would fall in love, over little more than a few good butt wiggles and some free protein powder, particularly with the guy she seemed so intent on MURDERING in EVERY OTHER EPISODE. On a positive note, the plot device did bring us THIS . . .

Thanks MikkoBayani!

Seriously, I don’t think I’ve EVER seen as tight and adorable an ASS as the one Matthew Morrison was showing off in this scene. I know some pretty fit girls who couldn’t pull off wearing THOSE pants . . . Then again, should I have expected anything less from this guy?

Eventually, Sue succumbs to the Charms of the Hot Ass, and agrees to go on a date with Will. But then he pulls a Jesse, and stands her up. And suddenly, Sue is so heartbroken that the guy she hates, hates her back, that she holes up in her house, and cancels Cheerleading Nationals. The Cheerios got pretty torn up over it, which, in itself, provided for some light comedy, in the form of Brittany’s inside out cheerleading uniform and ridiculous “I’m sad” hair-do. Unfortunately, I couldn’t manage a screencap on that one. So you will just have to take my word for it.

Ultimately, Will apologizes to Sue. She gets out of bed, and goes on to win Nationals with her Cheerios. And they all lived happily ever after?

Funk Master Puck is SOOOO NOT a Loser!

In order to retaliate for Vocal Adrenaline’s acts of violence against the Gleeks, Puck and Finn decide to put their differences aside and band together to get revenge. Their plan? Slash the tires of the ENTIRE Vocal Adrenaline team, all of whom just so happen to drive identical Range Rovers with super obnoxious “Voc Ad” vanity plates. (Man, what a perk! No wonder these 40-year olds don’t want to graduate!)

In a surprising show of decency, Bad Mommy Corcoran . . .

. . . gives up the opportunity to have Puck and Finn expelled from school, provided they pay for the damages they caused. So, these two Bad Ass Dudes get jobs working at Sheets’ N’ Things, working for none-other-than the Former Mrs. Schuester . . .

. . . who kind of seems like she has the hots for Finn, because he looks like her Ex-Husband did when HE was 27 16. Pretty random, right? But at least it gave us the opportunity to see this . . .

Thanks bangbangxo!

“Losers” never looked so pretty! Later, Finn and Puck perform together AGAIN (along with Mercedes) in the Glee choir room. This time, instead of a Beck song, they choose one by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch . . .

. . . and during the number, Puck got so excited, he started HUMPING THE FLOOR!

And while it wasn’t a BAD performance, it just didn’t feel true to its roots. After all, when covering a song sung by a former underwear model, isn’t shirtlessness kind of required? To prove my point, here is the music video for the ORIGINAL “Good Vibrations.”

Thanks highwishs!

Quinn Febray and the Case of the Disappearing, than Reappearing, than Disappearing Again, Baby Bump

Someone once said that you could judge how well the stock market would do in a given year, based solely on what length of women’s skirts was in fashion at the time. Using that same logic, I’ve come to believe that you can judge the success of a Glee episode based solely on (1) the size of Quinn’s baby bump that week; and (2) which Glee cast member she was bunking with at the time. This week, Quinn’s baby bump was fairly small for her solo number “It’s a Man’s, Man’s Man’s World.” Then it looked insanely large / about to pop during the finale number, “Give up the Funk.”

Watch and compare for yourselves . . .

Thanks Mr. GleeMusicTV3!

(Oh, and in the words of Artie . . . the “Unwed Motherhood” Backup Dancers? “Kind of disturbing . . .”)

Thanks again MikkoBayani!

Oh, and Quinn is randomly living with MERCEDES now . . . her fourth home since the season began. Make of that what you will!

That’s all she wrote folks! Tune in next week for the Season Finale, when, given the recent trend in their personalities, Jesse and his Middle-Aged Vocal Adrenaline team mates will probably start devil worshipping and try to offer Rachel up as a human sacrifice . . .

All snarky comments aside, I CAN’T WAIT! My Gleeks better WIN THIS THING!