Welcome back, my fellow Fangbangers! I missed you! Heck, I missed this show! Now, I know how Stefan feels, when he’s going through blood withdrawal . . .
All those sad, lonely, desperate Thursday nights without my TVD . . . it’s a wonder I didn’t completely lose my head or have Stefan chew it, or Jeremy chop it off with a meat cleaver . . . .
So, of course, this brings up the inevitable question . . . Was “The New Deal” worth the interminable wait . . . the sleepless nights . . . the hours spent watching Delena fanvideos on YouTube, while sitting entirely too close to my computer screen? Survey says . . .
Well, I’ll take that as a yes! 🙂
But wait . . . before I get started on the recap . . . I think I’m forgetting something. What could I possibly be forgetting?
Oh . . . yes . . . THAT. Well, we will definitely be talking about THAT, soon enough. But first, let’s get all that “other stuff” out of the way. Shall we? 😉
“If you unbury it, he will come . . .”
We open the episode with a nice close-up shot on Bonnie, who’s dressed like she’s ready to head out for a night of clubbing.
This, of course, caused me to ponder how far away the nearest dance club is from Mystic Falls. It’s too bad Vicki’s gone. She would have known the answer to that question, for sure . . .
But enough about Vicki. We’re with Bonnie, now. Mmm-kay? And Bonnie’s hearing The Whispers. You know The Whispers, right? These guys are WAY famous. If they had an IMDB page, it would probably be longer than Robert De Niro’s.
The Whispers are always popping up in horror movies, and scary TV shows, and telling the protagonist to do BAD THINGS: “steal that precious object,” “cheat on your wife,” “kill That Guy,” “eat more Chicken McNuggets.”
Unfortunately, here, The Whispers just want Bonnie to go into Lame Emily’s Ugly House of Dead Witchcraft and Mildew. Bonnie obeys. (Far be it for her to disobey The Whispers!) She goes into the basement of the Ugly House. There are four coffins there. (Gee golly! I wonder what it all means?)
It’s a nice day for a vamp funeral . . . or four . . .
The Whispers tell Bonnie to open one of the coffins. (They sure can be bossy . . . those Whispers.) And when she does . . . well . . . you’ll never guess who’s in there! It’s KLAUS! And he just looks like the happiest Dead Guy ever!
“Oh, hey Bonnie! Do you know where the bathroom is in this place? I’ve gotta piss like a racehorse.”
He’s also wearing some seriously tacky Man Bling on his finger and neck.
“Real Men” apparently wear insanely ugly jewelry . . .
Hey, maybe Bonnie has decided to go clubbing, after all! She notices that Klaus’ Man Bling would look TOTALLY AWESOME with her shiny gold-plated halter top, and black leather jacket. Should she take them? The Whispers say go for it! Klaus won’t need jewelry where he’s going.
“My Preciousssss!”
Bonnie reaches down to take the jewelry. Bad girl! Someone grabs her from behind. Now, she’s really going to get it! No one has ever stolen Man Bling from the Original Hybrid, and lived to tell the tale. At home on the couch, TVD fans hold their breaths, awaiting her witchy demise . . .
Or not . . .
You see, Bonnie was just dreaming . . . But you probably already knew that, didn’t you? You sly little fangbanger, you!
“Great, now I have to pee like a racehorse . . .”
“Hey, Hot Soon-to-be-Headless Hybrid! Wanna Race?”
While Bonnie’s still in Dreamland, our girl Elena is out kicking ass, and taking names.
Actually, she’s jogging. And yet, given Elena’s track record with vampires, werewolves, hybrids and other assorted demons, I kind of think learning how to run away is a much better use of her time, don’t you think? Of course, there’s only one problem: HUMANS CAN’T RUN AWAY FROM SUPERNATURAL CREATURES . . .
“Doh!”
Speaking of the aforementioned OBVIOUS premise, I think it’s kind of funny that, after finishing her 5K race, or, however, long it is that our girl jogs, Elena looks at her stop watch, and gives herself a mental pat on the back for her improved speed.
You can almost hear her saying in her head. “I finished in 25 minutes. That’s 30 seconds faster than last time! That means I should now be able to run a full 30 seconds, before whatever vampire is chasing me that week chews my legs off . . . or whatever . . .
Elena’s self-congratulatory mood is short-lived however, because someone is jogging behind her. He’s kind of hot . . . but not Damon hot, or Tyler hot . . . just normal run-of-the-mill hot. He is also wearing the Blue Hoodie of Death, and has Senseless Kill of the Week written all over him.
“Hey . . . is that guy looking at my ass? He better not be looking at my ass.”
Elena knows that none of these things are good signs. She starts to panic. But maybe she’s just being paranoid? He could just be a Random Running Guy, right? Elena breathes a sigh of relief.
Then, she remembers what television show she’s on, and starts running like hell . . .
At home, we’re counting the seconds before This Guy goes into warp speed and chews off Elena’s legs. But he just keeps following her at regular speed . . . no . . . scratch that . . . slow speed . . . Elena’s kicking his ass. This guy’s a chump!
And then . . . like that . . . he’s gone.
So, you can imagine Elena’s surprise when he comes back again IN THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE DIRECTION from where we last saw him. He bumps into Elena on purpose, while mumbling apologies about how he should really watch where he’s going.
“Has anybody ever told you that you have a great ass?”
At this point, Foster the People’s “Pumped Up Kicks” starts playing in my head, “All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, run, run, out-run my hybrid . . .”
That’s how the song goes, isn’t it?
Three Cheers for the Klaus-ageddon!
Later, at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, Bonnie and Elena are swapping stories about their CRAZZZY mornings.
I just keep wondering where Caroline is during all this? Don’t they realize that Caroline’s boyfriend just became Gay for Klaus, and she’s in an Extremely Vulnerable State, right now? They couldn’t have asked her to come along for their little breakfast session? HOW RUUUUUDE!
“Don’t mess with me. I eat girls like you for breakfast. No . . . seriously . . . for breakfast this morning, I ate a girl that looked just like you.”
Speaking of rude, Bonnie, who has NO TACT, WHATSOEVER, decides that this is the perfect time to bring up He Who Shall No Longer Be Named, a.k.a. Stefan. “He betrayed us. The Stefan we know is gone,” replies Elena, in a voice that says, “Keep on this subject, and I’ll start asking you about Luka. Remember him, Bon-Bon?”
By the way, did you all notice how Elena said “us” . . . as in “Damon and I are an “us” now. Get used to it?” Because, I certainly did. 😉
Speaking of Damon, I think it’s adorable (in a highly dysfunctional way) that my TV Boyfriend is such a raging alcoholic that the bartender basically puts an entire shelf full of liquor in front of him, so that he can mix his own drinks at his leisure, despite the fact that it’s probably about 11 a.m. in TVD-land . . .
Damon’s kind of bummed though, because Boy Toy Alaric is being a TOTAL kill joy, and not drinking with him. LAME! So, Damon tries to entice him . . . first with his baking skills (“I’ve got a screw driver, and a bloody mary. It’s brunch in a bottle”), and then with his sexual wiles (“Let’s get naked.”)
Come on, Chunky Monkey! Don’t be such a stick-in-the-mud. Get naked with your bromantic buddy. It’s not like we all haven’t seen it before . . .
But alas, Alaric is in no mood for sex games with Damon. He’s seriously bummed out, because he had to fail Jeremy on a plagiarized history paper. Damn! That’s cold. I thought the whole point of having a history teacher as your pseudo dad is so you can get straight A’s?
Apparently, Alaric is skulking at the bar, in order to perform his first of many interventions on his errant not-so-son (seriously, the Scooby Gang must have spent at least ten minutes during this hour Waiting for Jeremy), as soon as the latter arrives at work. Not so fast, No Longer Alchy-ric! Sexy Female Bartender says Jer Bear got canned from The Only Bar / Social Establishment weeks ago.
Ruh-roh! I guess this means Matt Donovan is going to have to go back to being the Only Waiter at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls again . . .There goes your social life, Matty Boy!
But don’t worry. You still have your sister and your mom to hang out with . . . oh . . . wait . . . never mind . . .
“Let’s get drunk and shoot some stuff . . .”
Speaking of Naughty!Jeremy, he’s out in the woods with Tyler, boning drinking cheap beer, and shooting stuff with crossbows. (How very hillbilly of them!)
“Hey Ty, after this, are you up for some cow-tipping?”
Much like the rest of us, Jeremy wonders out loud, why Tyler is suddenly so interested in hanging out with him, considering that the two of them have had virtually nothing to do with one another, since that time back in Season 2, where Tyler’s dad just died, and Jer Bear and Ty-Ty discovered that they both liked to draw supernatural creatures, drink booze, and screw slutty soon-to-be-dead girls . . .
Tyler responds that “Since you are leaving the show for a while, the writers thought it might be nice to throw those much-neglected Team Jyler fans a mildly homoerotic bone, while they still could. “I’m pissed at Caroline, and Bonnie dumped your ass . . . the point is to get drunk and shoot stuff.”
Oh Tyler! How you slay me with your eloquent wordsmith-ery! It almost makes me forget that you are about to RUIN THIS POOR BOY’S LIFE, FOREVER . . . almost.
Now, don’t even try looking at me with those puppy dog eyes of yours. Because it’s just not going to work . . .
Jeremy instructs Tyler to get out of the way, since he’s drunk and is about to “shoot stuff,” just like Tyler said. But Tyler’s all, “Heyyyy . . . I’m a hybrid. Why not shoot me? Come on! I know you wanna!”
Is it just me, or is Tyler particularly screencappable today? It’s almost as if becoming a hybrid has provided him with an entirely new range of facial expressions to try out . . .
In the first of many Helpful Hybrid Tips Tyler reveals throughout the episode, Vampy Teen Wolf explains that the only way to really kill a hybrid is to chop off it’s head, while it’s unconscious. Good to know . . .
Jeremy then shoots Tyler with the crossbow, and Tyler catches it. Bo-ring! I thought he was going to deflect it with his Massive Muscular Man Chest. Maybe next time . . .
Elena ponders the Epic Question that has plagued fangirl bloggers for years: What is Damon Salvatore’s Most Attractive Look?
“Oops . . . I cockblocked again.”
Back at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, a slightly slurry but still maddenly gorgeous Damon has told Elena about Jeremy’s little Work Mishap, in between his fifth shot of scotch, and his second round of darts. (Fortunately, the drinks haven’t negatively impacted his aim or, as we will see soon enough, his pick-up lines.)
“If I’m this good at hitting a bullseye with a dart, just imagine how good I might be at locating other sensitive areas.”
Mama Elena, of course, is “very, very disappointed in Jer Bear,” and has been leaving increasingly frantic phone messages on his cell phone, as a result. Damon, however, seems completely unfazed. He tries to calm Elena down, by reminding her that Jeremy is a teenager . . . and that being sullen and sometimes irresponsible is simply what teens do.
“Elena, you seem so tense. I hereby renew the request I made earlier to Alaric, that we all get naked. I’ll go first.”
(I always find it interesting how much the rest of the Scooby Gang is constantly noting how young and impressionable Jeremy is, when he’s really only two years younger than Elena. After all, 16-years old, isn’t exactly a toddler, especially when you consider that Elena, herself, was just a year older than that, when the series started. The issue of Jeremy’s “youth” will come into play again, later on in the episode. So, stay tuned . . .)
Funny . . . he doesn’t look like he needs a diaper change . . .
Even when Damon seems carefree and tipsy, he’s always looking out for Elena, and trying to make her feel better about the admittedly horrible situations in which she seems to find herself on a nearly daily basis. He does this by lifting her spirits with flirty humor, and comforting words, disguised as nonchalant banter. It’s only when Elena’s truly distraught, that he allows himself to get serious with her, and let his true feelings show, as we will see later in the episode . . .
Elena is always looking out for Damon too . . . She just does it in a more obvious way. I like how Elena sees Damon joking around, and looking seemingly drunk and happy, but instinctively knows that he is smarting from his brother’s betrayal, while still missing him terribly, and hiding all this pain behind glibness and false bravado. “Are you OK?” She asks him, her brows furrowed, and her eyes filled with obvious concern (among other things) for this beautiful vampire.
“Are you OK because I don’t want you to be too drunk to ravish me in your bedroom, after we make out, later tonight?”
But Damon is no fool. He has no desire to rehash the Stefan Salvatore Saga with the woman he loves. And he’s much too selfless, at least when it comes to her, to bring her down, by recounting his own personal woes. Instead, he uses this as an opportunity for flirtation.
Damon confidently strolls into Elena’s personal space, and inquires which of his many looks she finds the most attractive, since she admitted that his Drunken Frat Vampire visage isn’t her “favorite.” Flustered, Elena quickly counters that she doesn’t necessarily find any of his looks attractive. However, the way she’s staring at his lips, and pawing at his chest, when she says it, makes me think that, even as she denies it, Elena is mentally perusing a catalogue of her favorite Damon Looks, in order to choose the most erotic one.
“Pick ME, Elena . . . pick ME!”
Now, I’m no mind reader, of course. But my guess is that THIS is the look she ultimately chose . . .
As with most sexy Delena moments, this one gets cockblocked by Klaus, who seems to be enjoying the Delena Show just as much as the rest of us. “Don’t mind me,” he says with a smirk, as he approaches the Dartboard of Looooooove . . .
“Damon, my brother . . . you better hit that, soon. Because if you don’t, I will . . .”
Klaus hasn’t shown up alone, though. He’s got his good pal The Soon-to-be-Headless Hybrid with him . . . Soon-to-be-Headless has a name, apparently. It’s “Tony.” I’m just choosing not to remember it. (I mean, why bother, right?) Damon’s left nipple has had more screen time than this guy will ever have on TVD . . . He did have a cute head, though . . .
“Coincidentally, Damon’s left nipple also happens to be named ‘Tony.'”
As always, Klaus has a special request for his favorite couple. He wants them to help him find his sister, and Grave Robbing Stefan. If they do that, he’ll be a good little Mystic Falls neighbor, and leave them alone . . . well . . . at least until he needs Elena’s blood again to make more hybrid minions. Something tells me he’ll have at least one less of those by the end of the episode . . .
“Damn you, MURDEROUS MEAT CLEAVER! DAMN YOUUUUUU!”
As for Elena, she has absolutely no interest in getting in the middle of the b*tch fight between her ex-boyfriend, and his new boyfriend . . .
“That sounds to me like a Klaus and Stefan Problem,” Elena says smartly. (Damon’s right. She does get feisty, when she’s angry.)
Klaus, however, considers himself way too important to get himself sassed by a mere human. He moves closer to her, in order to show her who’s boss. But then THIS happens . . .
That’s right, boys and girls, Damon shoulders his way between Klaus and Elena, and gives Klaus THE STARE. Watch out Bad Ass Damon . . . your chivalry is showing!
One of my favorite Klaus moments in the episode was when he giggled at Damon’s obvious show of affection for Elena. I know that part of him sees this as a weakness of Damon’s that he can exploit. But I strongly suspect that another part of him just sees it as really hot . . .
“This is me broadening the scope,” responds Klaus to Elena’s retort, before exiting stage left.
Well played you adorable, curly-haired, villain, you!
Somebody call an interior decorator (or an exorcist) . . .
Elsewhere, Bonnie return to Lame Emily’s Ugly House of Witchcraft and Mildew . . . a.k.a. home of The Whispers. Honestly, you would think that a house inhabited by a bunch of ghostly witches would be more aesthetically pleasing. The resale value must be next to nada. HGTV would most definitely not approve.
Behold . . . a house that only a dead person could love.
Bonnie is only mildly surprised to learn that Stefan (who’s still looking all cold and Ripper-y, despite his recent de-compulsion by Klaus) has been living here. Quite a step down from La Casa de Rich and Awesome, I’d say! Not to mention the fact that he used to share a mansion with one person. Now he’s sharing a two-bedroom colonial with four staked Originals, and a bunch of dead witches, who are perpetually on the rag . . .
“Damon, let me move back in and I promise I will never make fun of your massive bath soap collection again.”
Stefan wants Bonnie to use a spell to help keep the coffins hidden from Klaus. Bonnie is uncertain she has enough nosebleeds left in her to do this . . .
It’s Time for Hybrids 101, with your Trusty Professor, Tyler Hotpants . . .
Back at the Gilbert house, Alaric and Elena are waiting in the kitchen to attempt their second Jer Bear intervention. But when Jeremy finally arrives home, he’s all “Not without My Tyler.” Suddenly, Mr. Gay for Klaus, himself, has been invited inside the Gilbert home. And guess who’s sticking around for dinner?
“Hey, do you mind if I use your neck for a few seconds? I haven’t fed all day.”
Clearly speaking for the TVD fandom, Alaric wonders out loud what exactly the difference is between being Klaus’ “sire” and doing everything he says, and being compelled to do whatever Klaus says . . .
“Yes Master, I will absolutely color coordinate with you, the next time we go out to pick up chicks.”
At first, Tyler is actually pretty convincing in his support of siring. Tyler explains that he “obeys” Klaus, because he feels indebted to him for saving him from a life of painful monthly transformations, and, of course, mortality. He also assures the Gilbert clan that he’s still his own man, and can disobey Klaus whenever he feels like it. It’s kind of like a crack junkie, who says, “I can stop whenever I want. I just choose not to do so.”
But as convincing as Tyler’s initial arguments might have been, he shoots himself in the foot by admitting that he would rip his heart out of his chest, if Klaus asked him nicely to do it . . .
So, let me get this straight, Ty-Ty. You are forever indebted to Klaus for saving your life . . . so indebted, in fact, that if he asked you to KILL YOURSELF, you would do it? I don’t know . . . that sounds a heck of a lot like compulsion to me . . .
Oh, and Tyler? Elena and Alaric are TOTALLY judging you, now . . .
Damon finds a new drinking buddy . . .
Back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Klaus has just let himself in, completely uninvited. By now, the whole notion that this house is owned by Elena, and therefore, no one can be invited in, unless she says so, has been completely forgotten in TVD land. Damon might as well open a Bed-in-Breakfast, considering all the supernatural creatures, who come and go as they please. They don’t call it the Salvatore Boarding House, for nothing . . .
Klaus has come to drink with Damon, flirt with him shamelessly, b*tch about Stefan, and, of course, re-issue his offer to stop cock blocking Damon and Elena, and killing off their friends, provided the couple help him locate his pretty little coffins. Unfortunately for Klaus, Damon would probably respond much better to compulsion than flirtation, as he seems to be the only male character on this show who’s completely immune to the Original Hybrid’s unique charms.
But Klaus can’t compel Damon, because Damon’s been drinking vervain. So, instead the Big Bad Vamp metaphorically waves his weiner at his younger nemesis, by making a Mysterious Phone Call, in which he instructs SOMEONE to do SOMETHING he told them to do earlier . . .
SPPOOOOOKKKYYY . . .
Always look both ways before crossing the street (or responding to a hypnotic phone call) . . .
In a scene that is extremely reminiscent of the one from Plan B, in which Katherine compelled Useless Aunt Jenna by phone to stab herself in the chest, after dinner, we see Jeremy in the corner, engaged in a clandestine conversation. After he hangs up the phone, Jeremy sits back at the kitchen table, as if nothing happened.
But moments later, when Mama Elena and Papa Alaric stupidly turn their back on Jeremy to wash dishes, and make fun of Tyler, and his silly Sire-y Ways, Jer Bear takes off his Ugly Ass Ring of Immortality and walks out into the street, looking like the Hottest Zombie Ever!
He then dazedly stands in the middle of the road and waits for a car to come and run him over into oblivion. Now, last I checked, Elena lives in a suburban development, where the speed limit in front of her house is probably a whopping 25 mph. You would think, at that slow speed, someone might notice a teenage boy standing in the middle of the road, like a moron.
Death Car for Cutie
A-ha! But Klaus took care of that too! Because, sure enough Busy Bee, Soon-to-be Headless Hybrid is cruising on the street at about 90 mph. (Annnnd . . . now we know why Jeremy had to take off his ring. If a HUMAN drove the car into him, the ring wouldn’t save him. But because Soon-to-be Headless did it, it’s considered a Supernatural Death. Well, technically, the compulsion is supernatural too and . . . nevermind.)
Fortunately, Alaric, who, as we all know, has been holding on to the Ugly Ass Ring of Immortality that Uncle / Father John gave Elena, back in “The Hybrid,” jumps in front of the car just in time to push Jeremy out of the way. The good news is that he saves Jeremy’s life . . .
The bad news is that Alaric is dead . . . for now . . .
In a rather unnecessary “I told you so,” moment, Elena informs a very shaken-up Jeremy that (1) he’s been compelled by Klaus to kill himself; and (2) his so-called good buddy Tyler has only been hanging out with him, so that he could compel him off vervain. Way to rub salt in the wound, Elena . . .
Like the compelled suicide attempt itself, this aspect of Klaus’ plan is also similar to Katherine’s from “Plan B.” If you recall, Katherine posed as Elena, in order to get Jenna to stop taking vervain . . .
So, while Klaus gets an “A” for deviousness. He gets a “C” for originality. Sorry, Original Hybrid!
Elsewhere, Klaus is busy building his future Mystic Falls home, (which, honestly, I thought would be much bigger), when Tyler arrives MORALLY OUTRAGED by what Klaus almost succeeded in doing to Jeremy, and the part he played in it. (Seriously, Tyler, you made the dude stop taking vervain, in the service of someone who HATES his family. What exactly did you think was going to happen?)
Klaus calmly tells Tyler, more or less, to man-up. (hybrid-up?) “You need to get over your conscience. Human life is a means to an end,” Papa Bear explains patronizingly to Baby Bear.
I love how Klaus refers to a “conscience” as something you can simply “get over,” like a head cold, or a bad stomach flu . . .
Meanwhile, back at the Gilbert house, Damon has, once again, come to Elena’s aid. “How’s [Alaric]?” He asks, with obvious concern for his bromantic drinking buddy.
“He’s still dead,” replies Elena conversationally.
If you recall, the first few times Alaric died, wearing his ring, he came back to life, within mere minutes. But, back in “Disturbing Behavior,” when Damon killed him, it seemed to take at least an hour. This time, Alaric is dead for multiple hours, and experiences additional complications that I will address in just a bit. No word yet, on why Alaric’s ring seems to be offering it’s wearing increasingly diminishing returns. Perhaps, even when it comes to Magical Rings, there’s a limit to how many “Get Out of Death Free” cards, a person is entitled to use . . .
‘This is depressing . . . I need another drink.”
Leaving Alaric to . . . um . . . rest in peace, Damon and Elena discuss their respective plans to finally rid Klaus from their lives for good. Elena wants to return Rebekah to Klaus, so that he can undagger her. But Damon won’t hear of it. He hates the idea of Rebekah seeking vengeance against Elena, considering that Elena is the one who staked her, in the first place. As for Damon’s plan, he wants to give Klaus back his precious coffins, if only he knew where they were . . .
Remembering Bonnie’s dream, Elena thinks she knows exactly where to look, and calls Bonnie to confirm . . .
But before Elena and Damon can head off on their Next Big Kill Klaus Plan, Little Bro Jer has some haunting parting words for them both: “None of us are going to make it out of here alive,” he warns.
(By the end of the episode, of course, we know that for certain, that Jeremy’s words aren’t entirely true, considering that ONE person gets out of Mystic Falls, very much alive. But could this possibly be a foreshadowing of Elena eventually being turned into a vampire? Stay tuned . . .)
Over the River and Through the Woods . . .
So, remember last season, when Damon tried to enter Lame Emily’s Ugly House of Witchcraft and Mildew, for the first time?
Well, apparently, female witches are quite good at holding grudges, because they are still up to their same shenanigans, when Damon tries to enter the house, this time. My only question is, why are they still so Pro Stefan, especially considering what a major douche he’s become, of late . . .
At first, Damon waits outside, while Elena tries to talk some sense into Stefan. “Bonnie sucks at keeping secrets,” Stefan pouts, when Elena admits to knowing exactly why Stefan is there and what he’s doing.
I’ll admit, I’m a bit shocked when Elena tells Stefan that Klaus will KILL Jeremy, if he doesn’t put an end to this vendetta, and Stefan barely bats an eyelash. “That’s not my problem,” he says callously.
WOW! Even Compelled Zombie Ripper Stefan wasn’t this cold! Considering that Stefan claims to be doing all this to save his own brother, you would think he would be more sympathetic to Elena’s desire to do the exact same thing. I’m glad when she finally slaps him. He’s had that one coming to him for quite awhile, now . . .
Having heard everything that went on inside Ugly House, Damon grabs hold of Elena’s hand to comfort her over what she’s just endured. “You deal with your brother, and I’ll deal with mine,” Damon assures Elena, sweetly, offering her that sad half smile, he seems to reserve exclusively for her . . .
“Cutthroat and Devious.”
Fighting the torturous sunburn he’s getting, Damon rushes into the house to talk to Stefan . . . and, of course, by “talk” I mean “beat up.” I kind of feel like Damon and Stefan fight with one another the way other brothers hug, or give eachother Manly Back Pats. And when they stake one another, it’s like their own super secret handshake . . .
During the fighting, grunting, staking, and de-staking, Damon cleverly manages to throw his brother out of the Ugly Witch House, before he starts to look like a cast member on the Jersey Shore. But before they can discuss anything else, Damon has one question he’s been dying to ask his brother since before the hiatus, namely: “Why didn’t you just let Mikael kill Klaus, Ya MORON?”
“I did it to save YOU,” Stefan admits in a way that is surprisingly sheepish, and heartfelt, especially considering the icy way he dealt with Elena earlier.
Elena is absolutely right. Damon truly is the key to Stefan’s humanity. Right now, he’s the only one to whom the latter is willing to show that he still has it. Honestly, the whole fight scene was kind of hilarious (yet oddly sexy), as was Damon’s occasional bratty remarks, like “No wayyyyyy,” and “STOP SAVING ME!”
Once they are done trying to temporarily kill one another, Damon and Stefan eventually come to a truce. “In order to defeat Klaus, you need to be cutthroat and devious,” Damon explains to his little brother. “I am so much better at that than you.”
Stefan does not necessarily disagree. The brothers ultimately agree that they will work together (along with Bonnie) to keep the coffins from Klaus, provided Elena has no part in their plan.
*insert girly growling noises here*
It’s nice to know that Stefan still has some concern for Elena’s well being. And it’s interesting to see how, now, the shoe is on the other foot. Back in “Rose,” Damon compelled Elena to forget his love declaration for her, because he thought that Stefan was “better for her.”
Now, it’s Stefan who’s keeping his distance from Elena, and continuously pushing her away, at least partly, because he knows that Damon will love and protect her, no matter what . . .
As for the coffins, they’ve been hiding in the Ugly Witch House the entire time, only becoming visible when the witches want them to be seen. (Well, at least there’s ONE person those vengeful witches seem to hate more than Damon . . . Klaus). Toward the end of the episode, Bonnie notes that if The Whispers are right, one, in particular, will be the key to Klaus’ undoing. It’s the fourth coffin, the only one that DOESN’T contain an Original Family Member within it. Could this coffin be the one that houses the First Petrova?
Everything Comes to a Head . . . Literally
They say that the definition of “stupidity” is doing the same thing multiple times, and continuing to expect different results. That was exactly what I thought about, when I saw Jeremy once again trying to shoot Tyler with a crossbow, and Tyler once again, catching it. I don’t know. Perhaps, this was just Jeremy’s unique way of “breaking up” with Tyler. No more sex in the champagne room for these two!
Nonetheless, Tyler still obviously has enough of a soul, and independent spirit to want Jeremy stay alive. And for that reason, Tyler warned him that he should stay in his house, because Klaus wasn’t finished with him yet . . .
Back at the Gilbert House, Alaric is FINALLY coming back to life . . . That’s the “good news.” The bad news is that he’s coughing up blood, and somehow still near death’s door. Apparently, while the Ugly Ass Ring of Immortality has kept his heart beating, it hasn’t bothered to cure his injuries, thereby making it the Lazy Ass Ring of Immortality.
At this rate, a friggin crossbow would be more effective at protecting Alaric than his ring . . .
A frantic Elena calls the ambulence. But by the time they arrive, someone else is there compelling them to leave. Surprise! It’s Soon-to-be-Headless Hybrid! Seriously, Klaus? Again? This is like on that show Punk’d, when all the pranks starred that same Dax guy for about five seasons, and Ashton Kutcher wondered why suddenly none of the celebrities were being fooled anymore. If Klaus supposedly has all these fabulous sired hybrids, why the heck does he keep using this same one?
“Howdy . . .”
Anywhoo . . . Soon-to-be-Headless tells Elena that, now that the ambulence is gone, Alaric’s only shot at survival is to invite the hybrid inside, and let Alaric drink his blood. I guess this would make Alaric a plain-old vampire, since only Klaus, himself, could make hybrids, and Alaric was never a werewolf. Elena seems torn, having been in a not-entirely-different situation to Alaric herself, not long ago.
Fortunately, however, she doesn’t have to make that choice for Alaric, because Soon-To-Be-Headless was just crossbowed. That’s right. Jeremy is BACK, baby! But wait, he hasn’t finished with the hybrid yet. Striding into the house, like it’s no big THANG, Jeremy reemerges on the porch with a meat cleaver and hacks off Now-Actually-Headless’s skull, as easily as if he’s cutting through butter.
Now, admittedly, this is not the most realistic rendition of a decapitation. In real life, Jeremy would probably have to spend an hour methodically chipping at this guy’s neck, to get through the skin alone. But that’s OK. Because, while this may have been the fakest Head Chop EVER, it was also the sexiest. I mean, can you imagine getting turned on by decapitation? I can . . . now! Heck, even the blood splatters on Jeremy’s face, upon finishing the job are hot!
They look kind of like freckles . . .
Elena doesn’t necessarily think so, though. She’s choking back tears . . . not necessarily because she gives two sh*ts about Now-Actually-Headless Hybrid. Nope, she’s merely mourning the loss of Jeremy’s innocence. Oh honey, you forget that Jeremy once dated Vicki Donovan. I hate to break it to you, Big Gilbert, but that Innocence Ship sailed away a LOOOOONG time ago . . .
Paging, Dr. Fell . . .
At the hospital, Alaric’s doctor is Crazy Nanny Carrie from One Tree Hill. No, I’m sorry, I mean, Psychotic B*tch Sister Melissa from Pretty Little Liars. OMG, how am I supposed to trust this woman, when every single solitary role she takes, her character ends up being a totally evil wackadoo. (She’s also Paul Wesley’s real-life wife. Go figure!)
Anywhoo, Doctor Not-Crazy-Nanny-Carrie and Not-Psychotic-B*tch-Sister-Melissa is super flirty with Alaric. She’s also super intrigued by his miraculous healing abilities and wants to study him in a lab. (Not the worst pickup line I’ve ever heard . . . but I’ve certainly heard better.)
Dr. Fell’s “game” improves a bit, when she asks Alaric if he has a guardian angel, or he “sold his soul to the devil.” Alaric’s clever reply, “a little bit of both,” actually describes Damon Salvatore to a tee, don’t you think?
But more important than her flirting abilities, perhaps, is the “good” doctor’s name. Dr. Fell wants Alaric to call her by her first name: Meredith. Intrepid TVD book fans will recall that “Meredith” was Book Elena’s smart, sardonic, dark-haired, and olive-complexioned “other best friend,” aside from Bonnie. They will also recall that “Meredith” dated the vampire hunter / history teacher, Alaric Saltzman throughout most of the series.
So, is this the TVD writers way of FINALLY introducing this character — who by the way, was a real fan favorite — into the television series? Well, that remains to be seen. Torrey Devitto definitely “looks” the way Meredith was described in the books (though she’s about ten years older). But I just don’t trust her . . . and if she’s a character I can’t trust, she’s NOT Book Meredith. Sorry Crazy Nanny Carrie . . .
A “fair trade” . . .
In a scene and plotline that was surprisingly reminiscent of Elena’s decision to go against both Salvatore’s wishes, and un-dagger Elijah, so that he could help her kill Klaus, Elena decides to invite Klaus into her home . . .
. . . and offer him the not-particularly-dead Staked Rebekah, in exchange for a promise of Jeremy’s continued safety. Before Klaus can accept the bargain, Elena lets him know two important pieces of information: (1) Elena, as we know was the one who staked Rebekah. So, if Klaus still needs Elena, for her blood, or just for leverage, Klaus will have to keep Rebekah from killing the Petrova Doppelganger. (2) Rebekah knows that Klaus killed their mother.
Klaus ultimately accepts the terms of Elena’s deal, but still wants Elena to help him find Stefan. Elena hasn’t turned her back on her former beau quite enough yet to reveal his whereabouts to Klaus. She does let the Original Hybrid, however, that there is no longer any love lost between the pair. “Stefan doesn’t care about me, anymore,” she explains resolutely. “You turned him into a monster, and now he’s your problem.”
Recognizing that Stefan is no longer a sufficient bargaining chip to auction in exchange for Elena’s loyalty, and that Jeremy is now off the table, Klaus reminds Elena that he can still kill other people she loves, like Caroline, Bonnie, or . . . . wait for it . . . DAMON!
NOOOOOOO!
Needless to say, Klaus threat was a highly effective one . . .
Someone’s in the kitchen with Elena . . .
Speaking of Damon, back at the Gilbert house, he chivalrously agrees to dispose of Now-Actually-Headless Hybrid’s body, while Elena frantically scrubs at her bloody hands. (Why are you’re hands so bloody, Elena? And don’t say it’s from “cleaning the porch,” because I don’t buy it. Did you soak them in the Poor Guy’s disembodied skull?)
Back in “Homecoming” Elena took a very angry, betrayed, drunk, and frightened, Damon’s face in both of her hands, and told him him that they would survive whatever Klaus through their way . . . together. Now, in “The New Deal,” Damon is returning the favor. His “are you all right?” absolutely echoes Elena’s own words to him, earlier in the episode.
And the way Damon pulls Elena’s shaking body and tear-stricken face toward his own and promises her that he will fix things for her, and her increasingly dysfunctional family says so much about what these two individuals mean to one another, and the way each lifts the other up, when they are feeling particularly weak and vulnerable . . .
(Sidenote: I noticed that, while Elena immediately admitted to giving up Rebekah to Klaus, Damon, though clearly torn about it, kept his alliance with Stefan from Elena. Presumably, Elena still thinks Damon agrees with her about giving up the coffin. I just hope this little white lie doesn’t come back to bite Damon in the butt later, especially considering the AMAZING place these two finally have reached in their relationship . . .)
For your own good . . .
How interesting that both Klaus and Elena “give up” their younger siblings, purportedly for their own good, and to “keep them safe,” but possibly for selfish reasons as well. Klaus shows some surprisingly vulnerability when he de-stakes Rebekah in the house he has built in order to reunite with his family. He watches her hand twitch back to life with excitement and anticipation.
But then he remembers Elena’s words. I think Klaus re-stakes Rebekah, because he doesn’t want to face the way she will look at him, now that she knows he has killed their mother. He fears her disappointment . . . her accusations . . . and her judgments. So, while, I’m sure a part of him keeps Rebekah daggered to “protect” her from those who would use her against him, a larger part of him does it to protect himself . . .
Back at the Gilbert house, Damon finds Jeremy in Elena’s bedroom and tells him that his sister thinks it’s time the two of them had another one of their talks. He’s surprisingly paternal about it, just as he was the first time Damon compelled Jeremy, in order to make him forget the circumstances surrounding Vicki’s death. Damon’s compulsion here has the same effect, more or less. It takes away Jeremy’s pain, and leads him to Denver for a new life . . . one that is free from supernatural threats . . . one that will most likely not require him to chop off some hybrid’s head to save his family.
But Damon also takes away Jeremy’s natural concern for the well-being of his sister, and that troubled me a bit. Aside from my not wanting to see the character go, I’m just not sure how long compulsion like that could stick. How many times will Jeremy brush off inquiries about his family back home, before he starts to wonder himself, whether something is missing from his life? Perhaps, this was done on purpose to allow Steven R. McQueen to return to the show at a later date . . .
I hope so, because I feel like this story is not over. By having Damon compel Jeremy, she kept him safe, but she also removed his free will, and treated him like a child. She did the exact same thing she criticized Damon for doing to her, when he force fed her his own blood, back in “The Last Day.” Of course, she did it out of love . . . but I think she also did it to help herself feel a sense of control in the crazy world in which she was living, and to free herself from guilt . . .
And it’s this familial “guilt” that plays a big role in this episode’s epic finale . . .
These lips were made for Ambush Kissing . . .
Back at the end of Season 1, there was a kiss that took place on the Gilbert Porch. It preceded a speech, in which Damon thanked a person he “thought” was Elena, for making him into a better person, and for seeing him as someone who was worth saving. And though that person actually ended up being “Katherine,” staunch Delena fans adopted the scene was one of their own, hoping upon hope that it would be revisited, one day . . . and that, this time, it would be REAL . . .
Two years later, we got our wish, but with some crucial differences. This time, it’s Elena who’s thanking Damon for being there for her . . . for seeing her as someone who is worth saving . . . for making her feel like a better person, even when she’s making morally ambiguous decisions.
Elena, who wasn’t actually on the porch that last time, doesn’t see the parallel between this scene, and the last one. But Damon does. And it’s Elena’s thankfulness that Damon is alive, that reminds him of how Elena was the person who kept him alive on Founder’s Day, but Stefan kept him alive during “Homecoming,” This makes Damon feel guilty enough to admit to Elena that Stefan hasn’t totally turned off his emotions, and that his continued vitality is at least somewhat responsible for the danger in which all of them are currently enmeshed.
This expression of guilt causes Elena to wonder, once again, whether Stefan is really lost forever. However, it causes Damon to feel guilt about something else, entirely, his love for Elena. But this time, Damon isn’t going to relive the unrequited heartache of “Rose.” He’s not going to be “selfless” by compelling Elena to forget his kiss . . . his love for her. Rather, he’s going to own up to the strong feelings he’s felt for this woman for two years now . . . feelings he’s finally starting to see, might be returned.
Damon’s kiss in “Founder’s Day,” was sweet and tentative. His kiss here is intense, decisive, passionate, and filled with two years worth of pent-up emotion. More importantly, Elena kisses him back! Watch as she grabs the hand he has cupped on her cheek, in order to pull Damon closer, and prolong this beautiful and delicious moment between them . . .
Now, while I would have loved for Elena to have been the one to pull Damon into a kiss, the first time he walked off that porch, in some ways, this was more meaningful, given Damon’s history of always giving up Elena for the greater good. His manning up to his love for her, will hopefully give her the swift kick in the ass she needs to make the next move.
The song that’s playing during this scene is called “Holding on and Letting Go,” by Ross Cooperman. While Damon and Elena are kissing the lyrics talk about one door swinging closed, and another door swinging open. Now, of course, this could refer to any number of things that happened throughout the episode: Alaric’s growing mortality, Tyler’s realization of Klaus’ hold on him, Klaus’ re-staking of Rebekah, Jeremy’s departure, Damon’s and Stefan’s truce . . . but personally, I’m hoping it refers to the state of Elena’s heart . . .
On that note, check out the extended promo for next week’s episode entitled “Our Town” . . . (bad segway, I know) . . .
As for our friends in Canada, I’m actually a bit less impressed with the Canadian promo, this time around. Aside from that “car scene,” which the CW had already released, there isn’t much here, that we didn’t see in the promo above. Nevertheless, here you go . . .
Now, it’s your turn. Let me know what you thought about Jeremy’s departure, the Delena kiss, Tyler’s betrayal, Crazy Nanny Carrie’s arrival, Ripper Stefan 8.0, and anything else related to this fabulous show that I feel so lucky to have gracing my television screen, each week. Until next time, Fangbangers . . .
Let's Go Shopping!
Buy Comeuppance!
Buy Hollywood Warlock!
Buy InGENEious!
Buy Life Sucks, Death Bites!
Buy Me and You, Inc.!
Snarky Goes to Hollywood!
The Exquisite Corpse
TV Recappers Anonymous 