[Greetings, Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars Fans! I know I owe you all two recaps today. Unfortunately, I was feeling a bit under the weather last night. However, I hope to get both recaps out to you by early January 18th (all fingers crossed). This means my Glee-cap should arrive by January 19th. Sorry about the delay. And thank you for being patient!]
BONNIE: “Make a wish, Caroline.”
CAROLINE: “I wish to get more action than Elena, this year.”
“Nice, Caroline! I thought we were friends. Do the words, ‘three seasons of virtual celibacy’ mean anything to you?”
Greetings Fangbangers! I’m going to admit that some very strange things happened to me during this episode . . . things I never thought would happen, ever . . . Here they are, in no particular order:
(1) Bonnie, as per usual, was judgmental toward Elena, about something she did last week. And I AGREED WITH BONNIE!
(2) Matt Donovan actually made me smile. (This hasn’t happened, since he got high, back in “The Birthday.” Perhaps, I only like Matt when he’s wasted . . .)
(3) Elena refused a second kiss from Damon, and I was totally OK with it. (BECAUSE, NEXT TIME, SHE’S GOING TO KISS HIM, INSTEAD!)
(4) I found myself incredibly turned on by a (sort of) love scene between Caroline, and someone who wasn’t Tyler . . .
Clearly, the apocalypse is upon us . . .
Also this week, I found myself, at various points during the episode, seriously questioning the respective motivations of Stefan, Klaus, and Tyler.
Are these men behaving out of self-interest, genuine concern for their lady friends, or, in the case of Tyler, a slighty modified version of compulsion? Also, would they all have been better off keeping their hands (and teeth) to themselves?
All in all, it was a very intriguing episode . . . one I very much look forward to “biting into” with you, right now . . .
(By the way, special thanks to Andre, for providing me some seriously amazing screencaps for this episode. I just wish we had a TVD tumblr, so that I can share them all with you.)
Channeling “Frustrations”
“I will not imagine Damon naked. I will not imagine Damon naked . . . I will not . . .”
“Dammit!”
So, Fangbangers, have you ever been really horny stressed out? Do you sometimes find yourself with so much excess desire and sexual energy, you simply must find someone to bone some way to release it? I have. And whenever I feel this way, I tend to GO BONE DAMON SALVATORE, THIS INSTANT, ELENA! do one of two things . . .
(1) workout my frustrations with some good old-fashioned humping physical exertion; or
(2) get naked cool off in a nice, refreshing shower.
When you think about it, it actually makes a lot of sense that Elena ended up doing the former, especially, in light of her recent epic porch smooch with Damon.
It’s also no surprise that, Damon did the latter. (After all, let’s face it, it’s been WAY TOO LONG, since we got to see Mr. Smoulderhotter NAKED!)
I’ve never been so envious of a towel, in my entire life.
I mean, Damon’s always been known to be quite the suds-loving dude . . . He takes his personal hygiene VERY seriously . . .
But aside from all that, Damon is in a REALLY good place right now.
And . . . now, I’m jealous of the shower head . . .
After three seasons of angst, and unrequited love, the elder Salvatore Brother has FINALLY unburdened himself to Elena. He’s exposed himself to her, in the rawest, most personal way, and SHE reciprocated!
It was everything he dreamed about. And he’s totally satisfied with how it all turned out.
Elena, on the other hand, is CONFUSED, not to mention SERIOUSLY SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED. It’s as if, through that kiss, Damon transferred years of horny angst, unrequited love, and giddy confusion from his shoulders onto her own . . .
The only way to release that tension will be for Elena to similarly unburden herself. But, until she does that, something tells me she’s going to be thinking about that kiss for a VERY, VERY long time . . .
“Have you talked to Damon, today?” Elena asks Alaric apprehensively, as she thrusts her body into that big sweaty hunk of punching bag. (It’s a surprisingly girly comment, coming from our new warrior princess . . . Suddenly, she’s a preteen again, asking her best friend, if he thinks her crush likes her.)
Alaric clearly suspects something is going on between his surrogate kid, and his bromantic buddy, but, fortunately knows when to leave well enough alone . . .
“She could beat me up, for sure.”
Meanwhile, over at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Stefan also might suspect that Damon’s gotten some tongue action (among other things), when the latter saunters out of his shower, naked except for a towel, looking surprisingly peppy, not to mention cocky as hell.
But if you were hoping for a brotherly bonding / gossip session over the brother’s mutual Gal Friday, you will end up being sorely disappointed. Stefan, who, by the way, hasn’t been laid in AGES . . .
“Rub it in, why don’t ya?”
. . . is all business. He wants the two of them over at Institution for Dead Witches on the Rag, ASAP, so that the pair can discuss Operation Kill Klaus.
As douchetastic and cold as Stefan has been, of late (He also seems to be wearing a heck of a lot more guyliner, since he went over to the dark side.), it was kind of fun to see the Salvatore Brothers back to their old schemes, and sibling banter. We haven’t seen that from them, in a while . . .
Knock, Knock . . . (a.k.a. Funeral 1)
Knock, knock . . .
Who’s there?
Heartless Hybrid . . .
Heartless Hybrid who . . .
Oh crap!
Despite the fact that there are three other unopened coffins in our midst (one of which contains Elijah and his awesome hair) . . .
. . . everyone only seems interested in that Mystery One . . .
“What are we? Chopped liver?”
We find Bonnie at the Institution, doing her own version of Bibbity Bobbity Boo over it . . .
Hey, I’ve got an idea. Why doesn’t she try to light the coffin on fire, or give it a headache, like she used to do to Damon . . .
(only without the nosebleeds . . . Have we completely forgotten about the nosebleeds, writers?) to no avail.
That’s right, Bonnie. I’m never letting you live this down . . .
Later, Damon tries to bash it in with a crowbar. That’s more like it. I’m just waiting for a Batsh*t Crazy Stefan to come at the thing with an electric chainsaw. Now, THAT would be awesome . . .
But, suddenly, just as Bonnie finishes her silly little rhyme, and Damon and Stefan reach the doorway to the Institution, the coffins disappear (What a clever little security system those witches have set up!) Damon rushes inside to warn Bonnie. Then, he and Stefan tag team and promptly de-heart our first anonymous hybrid victim of the evening.
Man, is it just me, or are these hybrids incredibly lame?
I don’t know, Klaus. Maybe they get that from their mom’s side of the family? But it seems to me like some of the Season 1 vampires, were about ten times more difficult to kill than these supposed Lean, Mean, Killing Machines . . .
Part vampire . . . part werewolf . . . ALL LOSER?
“These hybrids are really bringing the neighborhood down,” snarks Damon, as he tosses the bloody heart on the floor.
No wonder he showers so much . . .
Correction: They WOULD be bringing the neighborhood down, if any of them were actually smart enough to survive longer than five minutes to do it . . .
A Very, Very Un-Birthday to YOU!
“I was originally going to write the letters in my own blood, but thought that might be inappropriate.”
Over at school, Elena and Bonnie are busy decorating undead birthday girl, Caroline’s locker, when Elena announces that she has a confession to make. “I kissed Damon, and it was so hot I nearly orgasmed, right there on my porch. I’m so horny right now I could SCREAM. Jeremy’s leaving Mystic Falls, because I made Damon compel him to do so,” she admits, more or less.
The look on Bonnie’s face, when she hears this, is just FILLED with judgment. Can you imagine what her face is going to look like, when she learns Damon and Elena are boning?
She knows her ex would never willingly leave his family to battle evil, while he scurried off to someplace “safe.” And she also knows how much Jeremy always hated the way everyone, especially his sister, always treated him like a toddler, and never let him play in any Scooby Games. But, as angry as she is, Bonnie doesn’t say anything . . . yet.
Instead, she goes and asks Jeremy about why he’s leaving. And when he provides her with the stock, Stepford Husband, compulsion response with which Damon has provided him, she gives him this smirk that says, “You are acting like a such a brainwashed tool, right now. And you don’t even know it.”
For a second, it seems like Bonnie just might have gotten through to Jeremy. But then he sees a shiny object (Ghost Anna?), and completely forgets that she exists. Sorry, Bonster. You may be right about this one. But your ship has definitely sailed . . .
“I’m sorry. Damon has also compelled me to forget the name of that witch I used to screw.”
Meanwhile, an unusually Mopey Caroline arrives at school to find Tyler waiting for her in the parking lot.
“I could always ‘accidentally’ run him over with my car . . .”
I know girls like Caroline. Under normal circumstances, she’d probably show up to school on her birthday, wearing a tiara, a gold sequined dress, and a big button that says, “F*&k Kiss me, I’m a year older.”
“When I open my eyes, I better see lot of expensive presents in front of me, or else!”
But our girl Caroline has changed, in more ways than one, since last year. And the sight of her erstwhile beau isn’t making things any easier on her.
Speaking of subdued, the events of the past week seem to have finally gotten it through Tyler’s thick (but still adorable) hybrid skull that being “Gay for Klaus” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. He apologizes profusely to Caroline for no longer being able to put her first, given how demanding his new lover happens to be. Then, he sweetly slips an adorable silver charm bracelet into her hand, wishes her happy birthday, and exits stage left . . .
As the couple talk, there’s some song playing in the background, in which the lyrics repeat, “It’s over,” over and OVER again. And there’s just something about it that really makes me want to break something.
Many fellow TVD fans have often complained about the LOUDNESS of the show’s background music. But this was the first time it TRULY bothered me . . . like a too-loud laugh track, over a part of a sitcom that wasn’t particularly funny . . .
“Turn the music down, dammit, I’m trying to hear FORWOOD!”
All this angst and pedantic music quickly become too much for Caroline. So, her and her plaid Catholic School Girl Skirt both decide to take a sick day . . .
How very Britney Spears, circa 1998 . . .
When, she arrives back at her house, however, Elena, Matt, and Bonnie are there waiting for her. (Did they all call in sick too?)
How many high school boys do you know who would willingly wear a bubble gum pink dunce cap?
They’ve planned a tequila campfire party in her honor. But Caroline, as we know, isn’t in a celebrating mood. “[My birthday, this year] is just a reminder that I’m dead,” she gripes. “I’m stuck in a filler year,” Vampire Barbie adds about her “forever 17” status.
(I don’t know about 17 being a filler year, per se. At least you can get your driver’s license, over and over again!)
But worry not, Caroline fans. Because Elena Gilbert, Therapist to Vampires, knows exactly the kind of party that Caroline needs . . .
A Very Klefan Breakup (a.k.a Funeral 2)
Speaking of vampires who are desperately in need of both therapy and sex, it seems Klaus has crafted a comfy new coffin for his re-daggered sister, Rebekah (or, perhaps, he saved the old one . . . knowing it wouldn’t be long before he’d get sick of his sister, and need it again).
He tells Punky She-Hybrid to “Show Rebekah to her room,” while lovingly caressing the coffin. And, for a moment, I’m reminded of that movie where Ryan Gosling started having intimate conversations with, and eventually, if I recall, marrying, a life-sized female doll . . .
But before Punky She-Hybrid can give Coffin Number 1, the grand tour of the Original Hybrid Suite, Stefan magically appears . . . (because, apparently, this is a day for Reunions with Ex-Boyfriends).
Klaus’ eyes light up when he sees his Steffypoo. And for a moment, I think the ancient vampire truly believes that the two of them are about to kiss and have sex make up.
But before Klaus and Stefan can continue their weekly weiner-measuring contest, Stefan has some grievances to air about their relationship, “friends don’t strip friends of their free will,” whines Stefan, of Klaus’ Very Bad Boyfriend decision to render him a virtual zombie for three or four episodes.
“Must . . . eat . . . braaaaaiiiiins.”
To Klaus’ credit, he actually apologizes for this. “I know that was extreme, but I can get a bit moody sometimes,” says the guy who has a habit of KILLING his relatives, for fun. “I was hoping [now that all that is over and done], that we could pick up right where we left off,” he coos, the sexual suggestiveness of his statement, fairly clear, as he winks at his boy toy, and blows kisses in his direction.
But Stefan’s not giving in so easily, nor is he swayed, by Klaus’ decision to play the “Brother Card.” In fact, Stefan’s SOOOO not down with the idea of a Klefan reunion that he CHOPS OF PUNKY SHE-HYBRID’S HEAD!
So, remember back when Stefan used to eat people’s heads off, and then glue them back on, because he felt bad about it? Apparently, neither does he . . .
And another one bites the dust . . .
I love how the decapitated body just stood there, for about three seconds, before finally crumbling to the ground.
For those of you keeping track at home, out of Klaus’ merry band of hybrids, we now have two, without hearts, and two without heads. Now, we just need some arms, legs, and torsos, up in this joint. And we could have ourselves a mean game of Hangman!
But alas, Klaus decides to burn Punky She-Hybrid’s head, in all it’s stylish Angry Girl Band-loving glory. This to me, seems like a real waste, especially when a “decorative sculpture” like this could really have spruced up Coffin Rebekah’s new bedroom . . .
A Very Klyler Breakup?
But Stefan isn’t the only boy toy of Klaus’ that’s cheesed off at him. Seemingly moments after Stefan the Decapitator has departed, in comes a snarling, feral-looking Tyler. He’s not giving in to this “sire” thing. No sir! He’s his own man, dammit.
So, of course, Klaus has to send Tyler off on another errand: namely, bite Caroline, and give her were-hybrid rabies, like Rose and Damon, before her.
(Hmmm . . . interesting. So, a hybrid bite can kill a vampire, just as easily as a werewolf one can, despite the fact that hybrids are, technically, part vampire. What happens, when they bite themselves?)
Tyler says “Hell to the No” to this errand, which I appreciated very much (Of course, I would have appreciated it much more, if his “Hell to the No” was followed by “Pretty please don’t kill Caroline, because I love her” . . . as opposed to merely, “Why should I do it?” . . . the unspoken . . . and, perhaps, unintentional, implication being that it would be OK, if someone else did it).
“See? I should have run him over with my car!”
Klaus pouts a bit, at his sex slave’s surprising disobedience. But, oddly enough, he ultimately lets Tyler off the hook, for this particular errand, without much fanfare . . . or does he?
In which it becomes shockingly apparent that the entire Founder’s Council is made up of vampires and psycho killers . . .
That night, Team Bad Ass, a.k.a. Alaric and Damon, attend one of those ridiculous faux-Founder’s Day parties at the Lockwood Mansion, so that they can later appear at one of those totally useless Anti-Vampire Council meetings. While they wait, Alaric talks to Damon about how odd it is that Stefan’s gone balls out, evil, while Damon is in hero-mode, and playing house with Elena. (You can always count on Alaric to say what everyone else is thinking . . .)
Speaking of Elena, “something’s up with [her],” Alaric confides in his bromantic buddy.
Damon smirks at this, undoubtedly imagining the way her tongue tastes. But he reveals nothing. Instead, he deflects, “I’m sure, whatever it is it starts with a ‘Stef’ and ends with an ‘an.'” He jokes. (More like starts with a “DAM” and ends with an “IT’S ON!”)
Crazy Nanny Carrie, er, I mean Meredith Fell then annoyingly magically appears to hit on Alaric some more, and remind us that, as a “Founding Fell,” she’s part of this Useless Council too . . .(Hey, you know who else was a Fell? Season 1 Logan . . . the guy Damon and Alaric both killed . . . coincidence?)
Crazy Nanny continues to flirt with Alaric, and make weirdly threatening references to the fact that she still imagines throwing her ex boyfriend from high school off a bridge. Woah, Crazy Nanny Meredith! Considering that you’re a doctor, it’s safe to say you’ve been out of high school for at least ten years. It’s time to let go, psychopath . . .
Later, we see said ex-boyfriend and Meredith fighting about something. The ex gets a bit rough with Meredith, and Prince Alaric comes to her rescue. Instead of being mad at Alaric, the guy in question actually seems to pity him, even going so far as to warn him about the nutjob he’s about to start screwing. (Clearly, this guy has watched One Tree Hill and Pretty Little Liars.)
Cause of death: The use of too much hair product, at once . . .
We later learn that this guy is the Town Medical Examiner, a.k.a. The Guy Who Lies and Says Residents Were Killed by Wild Dogs, When They Were Actually Sucked Dry by Stefan Salvatore . . .
More interesting than Crazy Nanny Meredith’s fantasies of becoming Stephen King’s Carrie, and Medical Examiner Guy’s shockingly bad hair is the fact that “some British guy,” has apparently donated oodles of cash to Mystic Falls’ Founder’s Council.
Annnnd . . . that’s how the Baddest Vampire of them All, and his Band of Strong, But Stupid, Hybrids all became honorary members of the Now Virtually 0% Human Anti-Vampire Council . . . Would you believe that Klaus got his foot in the proverbial council door, by offering the group PROTECTION from Stefan? Talk about the ultimate switcheroo.
To be honest, I was much less surprised that Carol Lockwood went along with her son’s new boyfriend’s plans, than I was that former vampire despiser, Lizard Forbes has suddenly gone out and bought herself a “Team Klaus” t-shirt.
Is it possible that she is predicting a future romance for her Vampire Barbie daughter, and the Original Hybrid? Stay tuned . . .
LIZ: “Bet you $20 they are boning by sweeps week.”
DAMON: “I’ll take that bet . . .”
Speaking of Crazy!Stefan, he makes a go at killing, yet a third hybrid, upstairs in the Lockwood Mansion. (This one, would have been another beheading . . . not very creative. However, he is ultimately stopped by Peacekeeping!Damon. Go figure! Damon’s passionate plea of “No dead hybrids at the Founder’s Party,” reminds me so much of Chris Rock’s “No sex in the Champagne Room,” that it makes me giggle.
Stefan, however, isn’t amused. So, he storms off to go pee on some more proverbial trees, so as to mark his town territory, and “be the better villain,” so to speak. And by “trees,” I mean “Elena” . . .
Meanwhile . . .
Here Lies Caroline Forbes . . . (a.k.a. Funeral 3)
In the most morbid, but surprisingly appropriate birthday party ever, Elena and the gang take Caroline to Fell’s tomb. There, they decide to give her a FUNERAL . . . you know, because she’s dead . . . and stuff. The idea, of course, is to get her to stop focusing on her OLD life of GETTING OLD, and start focusing on her NEW LIFE (which . . . is really, more or less, the same as her old one, except she occasionally drinks blood, and never ever will have to pay for Botox).
Then, Caroline proceeds to get mildly inebriated on tequila, and uses it as an excuse to drunk text Tyler. (We’ve all been there. ;)) This prompts Elena to make a snide remark, and Bonnie to stick up for Caroline. (AGAIN, I’m agreeing with Bonnie AGAIN! What the heck is wrong with me?) Apparently, liquor has loosened Bonnie’s lips enough for her to Elena what she really things of her decision to steal Jeremy’s free will, and send him away, possibly for good.
“Judging you . . . again.”
Matt gripes comedically, that all this catty girl talk is totally ruining Caroline’s kickass funeral. So, BonBon leaves. Enter Tyler to the tune of the song “Birthday Sex.” (Now, THAT would have been a good soundtrack choice!)
Love Bites and Dating Dealbreakers . . .
Tyler wants to talk to Caroline . . . alone. You see, his conversation with Klaus has taught him that he CAN, in fact say no. . . maybe. Of course, he’s thrilled . . . so thrilled, in fact, that he confesses his love to Caroline. Now, they are kissing. Now, they are humping against a tree. Now, they are . . . BITING EACHOTHER’S NECKS????
Ruh-roh! Apparently, some foreplay is just no longer acceptable, when you are a hybrid hooking up with a Vampire Barbie. Caroline falls to the floor, a mixture of shock, accusation, and pain, on her face.
Gnarliest hickey ever . . . I think Tyler might need braces . . .
To Tyler’s credit, he looks genuinely shocked at what he did. He obeyed Klaus’ wishes after all, even though (I think) he clearly didn’t want to do so. Now, if that ‘s not compulsion, I don’t know what is . . .
I would have liked for Tyler not to run off into the woods like a b*tch to leave Caroline dying in the forest. But run off, he did. In Tyler’s defense, Caroline asked him to leave. And he DID go and get her help, which, I suspect, was also precisely what Klaus wanted him to do . . .
Meanwhile, an adorable wasted Elena and Matt tumble out of the tomb, in search of Caroline. Just as they find her, Stefan knocks Matt unconscious, and steals Elena away, without so much as a “Happy Birthday,” to Dying Caroline. Way to be a gentleman, ASSHAT!
Next thing we know, Stefan is speeding down the highway with a kidnapped, and super pouty, Elena. He wants to drive her down to the bridge where they first met . . . you know, back when her parents drowned, and he rescued her? Ahh . . . memories. In fact, Stefan wants to take reliving those memories all the way to the next level, by DRIVING OVER THE BRIDGE, AND DROWNING WITH ELENA . . .
Damon calls Elena for some phone sex, and is not-at-all pleased that his brother has picked up the phone. He becomes even less pleased, when he learns what exactly Crazy!Stefan plans to do.
In an odd turn of events, Damon suddenly finds himself on the same side as Klaus. He runs to warn his new friend, of what’s happening. “Get rid of your hybrids, or he’s going to kill Elena,” Damon says, more or less.
“Sometimes, I wish YOU were my brother . . . you know . . . aside from the whole, leaving your siblings in coffins for 1,000’s of years . . . thing.”
Initially, Klaus isn’t concerned. He believes that Stefan ultimately loves Elena WAY too much to kill her. So, therefore, he must be bluffing. But when Klaus calls Stefan on the phone, he hears Elena’s anguished screams . . . screams which sound so very real. Then he hears Stefan, do the one thing, that to Elena, is worse than killing her out right, he force feeds her his blood . . . the exact same action for which he attacked Damon, last season.
Now, Klaus seemed fairly certain that Stefan wouldn’t kill Elena. But he’s much less certain he won’t turn her into a vampire, thereby making yet another Petrova Doppelganger useless as a human blood bank / hybrid making machine. This is a HUGE deal. After all, Klaus had to wait 500 years after Katherine turned vamp, for another opportunity to become / make hybrids. Who knows how long he’ll have to wait next time around?
Watching Klaus cry, as he hears Elena’s screams of terror, you could almost imagine that he really does care about her, as more than just a blood bank. And maybe he does. After all, Klaus has romantic history with two girls, who look exactly like Elena. So, it’s not hard to imagine that some of that tenderness has translated over to this new doppelganger, who’s so very important to him, in so many ways.
At the last possible minute, (once Klaus agrees to get his hybrids out of Mystic Falls, of course) Stefan stops the car. Oddly enough, despite having gone through the last few minutes with Elena, this guy seems truly confused, as to why she won’t back into the car with him.
Stefan’s speech to Elena is interesting, because it causes you to question just how much of his “No Emotions” thing, is an act, while, at the same time, illustrates just how insensitive and hard-hearted his experiences with Klaus have made him.
Stefan explains to Elena that she and Damon HAD to believe that he was really going to kill her / and/ or turn her into a vampire, to convince Klaus of the same thing. And if all that was an act, maybe the rest of it was too. After all, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time Stefan pretended not to care about Elena, in order to protect her.
On the other hand, as Elena tearfully explains, Stefan traumatized her, beyond belief, by forcing her to relive the moment of her parents death. And the fact that Stefan could make her do this, without giving so much as a thought to the mental and emotional impact it would have on her, shows him to not be the same guy with whom she fell so madly in love, a few years back.
Stefan digs the knife deeper, by telling Elena that defeating Klaus is all he has left, pointedly leaving both Damon and Elena out of that equation. He also tells Elena that they’ve been “over,” since he left Mystic Falls, and that he doesn’t care what she thinks about him, anymore. Of course, his facial expressions, when he says this, say otherwise.
Then, the Poopyhead drives off, leaving Elena in the middle of the road, for Damon to rescue . . . again. That’s right, boys and girls. Stefan Salvatore is on Team Delena. And, as awful a dude as he’s been lately, I certainly can’t fault him for that.
Speaking of Delena . . .
The Kiss Raincheck? 🙂
Throughout the hour, we’ve been waiting for Damon and Elena to address their epic liplock. Now, fittingly enough, they get to do so, in the exact same spot, where the infamous smooch occurred. Let’s rewatch, shall we?
I must admit, on first watch, I was disappointed that Elena rebuffed Damon’s sweet facial caresses, and soulful love eyes, with her, “You can’t kiss me again.”
I thought to myself, “Oh come on, Elena! Stefan practically ROLLED OUT THE RED CARPET for you to give in to your desires with Damon. Surely, you can’t be feeling guilty about it now!”
But Damon’s wistful remark, about it being “right . . . but not right now,” was true in so many ways.
It also reminded me of that little Dawson’s Creek moment, I shared with you last week. You know, the one where Pacey told Joey that he couldn’t keep kissing her, because he’d already made his feelings known. So, if she wanted their relationship to continue, she would have to kiss him?
In essence, I think that is what Damon and Elena are both saying to one another, here. From Elena’s perspective, it wouldn’t be fair for her to accept another one of Damon’s mind-blowing kisses on THIS night, when her heart is so very raw, from where Stefan stamped on it. Despite her obviously strong feelings for Damon, if she let him kiss her right now, it would be more about Stefan than it would be about Damon. And Elena cares enough about Damon to know that he doesn’t deserve that . . .
The next time Damon and Elena kiss, it should be all about THEM, just like it was the first time.
From Damon’s perspective, he, like a certain Pacey Witter, knows that their next kiss must be Elena-initiated. And it needs to come at time, when Elena is finally genuinely OK with what happened between her and Stefan. He loves and respects Elena enough to wait for that moment to come. He’s also confident enough in her love for him, to know that it WILL come eventually . . .
Dreaming of Delena . . .
And, if the longing look Elena gave Damon at the end of this scene, and her words to Matt at the end of the episode are any indication, that moment will probably come sooner, rather than later . . .
The Softer Side of Klaus?
Coming from a Hardcore Delena and Forwood shipper, you might be surprised to know that I found this the most fascinating moment of this episode. It was both surprising, and, at the same time, telegraphed from the very first scene. Most intriguing of all was the fact that Klaus’ motives for doing what he did are still not entirely certain.
On one hand, it certainly seems as though Klaus told Tyler to bite Caroline, knowing, full well that he would initially say no, and then, inadvertently end up doing it, anyway. At first, most of us fans, probably felt that this was done to show the Scooby Gang that Klaus means business, just as the attempted murder of Jeremy did, last week. However, on second glance, it seems more likely that Klaus only got Tyler to bite Caroline, so that he could ultimately save her.
The question is, why did he go through all this trouble to do that, for a girl with whom, up to this point, he has had little to no interaction? Does he truly care about her as much as he seems to, in this clip?
Is it possible that Klaus feels kinship with Caroline, because both have questioned their existence, in the past?
Or maybe because she looks so much like his sister (the other Vampire Barbie), or, perhaps, like someone he once loved? Has he coveted her all along, and merely been using Tyler to get to her?
Or, was all this merely a way, of keeping Tyler in line, by breaking him of the one person, who potentially had the power to keep him from being completely loyal? Also, having someone, like Caroline, who is so intimately linked to Stefan’s inner circle beholden to him, certainly can’t hurt Klaus’ plans for continued Elena usage, and world domination? The coy way, in which Klaus caresses the bracelet Tyler gave her for birthday (He ultimately gives her a much nicer, more expensive piece of jewelry, himself.) could be interpreted either way . . .
But whether you are Team Klaroline, or Team Forwood, you have to admit that these two are pretty darn sexy together . . . And here I thought death bed flirting was only hot , when Delena was doing it. Shows, how much I know . . .
Bye, Bye Jer Bear!
After Caroline gets her bracelet, things wrap up pretty quickly. Jeremy gets shipped off to Denver, without much fanfare. And Bonnie, for all her complaints and hand-wringing, when it actually comes time for him to leave, merely, hugs him goodbye.
Don’t worry, Jeremy. You’ll be back. The ones that don’t die ALWAYS comeback. (Come to think of it, so do the ones that DO die . . .)
Here Lies Elena Gilbert (a.k.a. Funeral 4) . . .
We follow up this tearful Jer Bear moment, with a surprisingly sweet one between Matt and Elena on that fateful Bridge of DEATH. Elena notes sadly that her former self might be disappointed with her current self, a girl in love with VAMPIRES (That’s right, I said “vampires” PLURAL . . .
You know what that means, don’t you, DAMON?
The Matt we USED to know, would have probably agreed with Elena. But New Matt, was much kinder, giving Old Elena a “funeral,” so that she might be able to embrace her new crazy life, one which, though he might not fully understand, he does support, because he . . . wait for it . . . wants her to be happy.
Way to go, Matt! (I can’t believe I just typed those words . . . I must be going crazier than Stefan . . .)
Speaking of crazy . . .
Here Lies Crazy Nanny Carrie’s Victim Preppy Medical Examiner Guy . . . (a.k.a. Funeral 5)
Question: If the only Medical Examiner in town gets whacked, who gets to determine his Cause of Death?
While Alaric proceeds to get Day Drunk with Crazy Nanny Meredith, Lizard Forbes and her once-again pal Damon go traipsing in the forest to locate yet another of Mystic Falls growing list of Dead Unimportant Characters. This time its . . . surprise . . . Preppy Medical Examiner Guy . . . as in, the same one Crazy Nanny Meredith talked about tossing over a bridge, and the same one that Alaric publicly tussled with the night before. He’s got a stake in his chest, the victim of one of those rare things in Mystic Falls: the HUMAN KILL.
He stole Bonnie’s nose bleed. BASTARD!
Do, I suspect a Crazy Nanny Meredith Murder, followed by an Alaric Saltzman frame-up, possibly to avenge the death of an odious weatherman named Logan Fell? You bet I do!
And that was “Our Town,” in a Nutshell. Next week, on TVD: Tyler gets chained up and naked again, Crazy Nanny Meredith shows her true colors, and Bonnie appears to be bleeding from her nasal passages again. Hooray! You can check out the Canadian and American trailers for this episode, entitled “The Ties that Bind,” here:
Until next time, my fellow Fangbangers!
Let's Go Shopping!
Buy Comeuppance!
Buy Hollywood Warlock!
Buy InGENEious!
Buy Life Sucks, Death Bites!
Buy Me and You, Inc.!
Snarky Goes to Hollywood!
The Exquisite Corpse
TV Recappers Anonymous 