A Good Day to Be an Underdog – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “We all go a little mad sometimes”

So many really great pornos started just like this.  Except, if this was a porno, Damon would be wearing a fireman’s hat or a Superman cape . . . and nothing else . . .

“We all go a little mad sometimes,” Fangbangers.  It’s a movie quote that I thought originated from the 90’s horror classic, Scream.

Source

But apparently, it’s even older than that . . . like, Psycho OLD . . .

The promos for this week’s episode (and its title) were misleading . . . in a good way.  What many of us thought would be a rather annoying episode about Elena’s Trip to Wacky Town  . . .

. . . actually ended up being less about our female protagonist’s episode-long psychosis, and more about the series‘ underdogs finally getting their time to shine, whether that meant getting the girl, saving the day, or making yet another hybrid’s head into a Pez dispenser, just to add some ink to their arm tattoos   . . .

Then again, whether Damon and Klaus could actually be considered underdogs on this show, is likely a point of contention among fans . . .

Nonetheless, “We all go a little mad sometimes,” was definitely a “game changer: of an episode, more of one, perhaps, than any of the episodes that preceded it, this season.  So, hold on to your heads, your hearts, and your sunscreen rings, because it’s time for another TVD-cap . . .

Why you should always think twice, before stabbing people in the carotid artery . . .

Source

JEREMY: “If you didn’t want me to make you waffles for breakfast, you could have just said so.”

You know what sucks about hallucinating that every single person you know looks exactly like That Dude You Killed?

“I must just have one of those faces . . .”

Well, aside from the obvious, there’s a really good chance, you’ll end up murdering your baby brother in the kitchen, by jabbing a steak knife into his carotid artery.

Sh*t happens . . .

First of all, you’ve really got to hand it to Elena Gilbert.  I mean, I’ve heard of people who sleep walk, sleep talk, sleep eat, even sleep drive, but Sleep Kill?  Now, that’s impressive . . .

The episode begins with Elena awakening from a bad dream, and heading to the kitchen for a hot drink, only to find Hotty the Ex Vampire Slayer, standing before her all broody and bloody.  For a guy who got knifed in voice box, Dead Connor sure is chatty. He’s yammering on and on to Elena about how he has a brother, and how he died in an unmarked grave, and Boo Hoo Hoo WAHHHH.

Could you really blame Elena for wanting to shut him up again, by poking a fork in his kneck, like a chef testing how well his meat is cooked?  Except, there’s one slight problem.  Connor doesn’t exist anymore.  And Mini Gilbert just so happens to be standing in his place . . .

“If you people don’t stop poking holes in my body, every time you go temporarily insane, or are just in a really bad mood, I’m going to compel myself back to Denver . . .”

That makes a whopping THREE deaths for Jeremy, who had his neck snapped by Damon, in Season 2, and was shot by Sheriff Forbes at the end of that same season.  This new death, at the hands of his own sister, doesn’t quite land Jeremy in Alaric territory . . . I mean, that guy died like 580 times .  . .

. . . and lord knows how many times Rebekah and Elijah have met the sharp end of that White Oak stake.

However, it still gives Mystic Falls’ resident Scrappy Doo a one up on his sister, who, so far, has only croaked twice . . .which, on this show, is like a walk in the park . . .

While Elena waits for her brother’s Ugly Ass Ring of Immortality to kick in, she calls Damon for moral support.  After all, if anyone knows what it feels like to temporarily kill Jeremy Gilbert, it’s Damon.

Also, Saint Stefan’s vampire buzzkill ways, coupled with a few recent fibs on his part, not to mention the surprise resurgence of his obviously sexual relationship with one Klausipoo (Come on, those two aren’t fooling ANYBODY!) have been enough to move the younger Salvatore brother down one notch on Elena’s Emergency Contacts list . . .

Source

STEFAN: *whistles uncomfortably*

But then Damon calls Stefan to come over . . . I think because the poor blue-eyed vamp has become so used to getting denied nookie on this show that he’s started to cockblock himself . . .

Except Elena doesn’t want to talk to Stefan, she wants to have We Both Killed Jeremy Gilbert Once, But that Doesn’t Necessarily Make Us Bad People Sex with Damon! take a shower, thank you very much!

 

Source

This would be a great commercial for dishwasher detergent.  “Look NO DISHPAN HANDS!”

Unfortunately, for Elena, once she’s alone again, her hallucinations start kicking back into high gear.  What’s a baby vamp to do?

“Eat my feelings?”

Elsewhere in Mystic Falls . . .

There Ain’t No Party Like a Headless Hybrid Party . . .

Tyler, Hayley, and the rest of their Wacky Woof Pack have apparently spent the night repeatedly toasting to the life of That Random Hybrid that Got Blown Up Last Week, but not to the life of That Random Hybrid Who Got His Head Chopped Off Two Weeks Ago, thus proving that, much like high school, every Wacky Woof Pack has it’s jocks that people actually care about, and its mathletes that they don’t.  Sucks to be you, Headless Hybrid Number 22!

Then, Hayley does this thing where she seductively feeds Tyler booze from her finger.  And I guess it’s supposed to be sexy.  But as anyone who’s actually been up all night partying knows, all-night partiers’ fingers are the last places you want to be licking (well, almost the last places), because you have no idea where they’ve been . . .

Source

“Contrary to popular belief, my mouth is NOT your sink.”

Caroline comes flouncing in at that moment in a huff to engage in the ex-girlfriend ritual of “returning ex-boyfriend’s belongings in a box.”

Source

I don’t know . . . taking the time to pack your exes crap in a box, just so you can hand deliver it to him . . . it seems like a lot of work to me.  Personally, I like to throw all my ex-boyfriends’ sh*t in my cat’s litterbox, and let her do the rest of the dirty work.  But that’s just me . . .

“I knew my hat smelled funny.”

It sure makes Klaus happy though, who just so “happens” to walk in at the moment all this is going down.  The Original Hybrid wastes absolutely no time giving Caroline those trademark googly eyes that say, “When you’re done playing FedEx Delivery Girl with Tyler, come play Naughty Nurse with me.”

But it looks like the joke might be on Klaus.  Because, the minute the blonde vamp exits stage right, Hayley and Caroline are patting one another on the back for a ruse well-played, and Tyler and Caroline are tonguing one another, like it’s their job.  (Be careful, Caroline.   Tyler’s tongue just had Hayley’s all-night party finger all over it.  Can you say, Germ Party?)

 

Turns out, the whole scene was just a ruse to throw Klaus off the gangs’ Master Plan to free all the hybrids from their Master’s Sire Bond.  In fact, one hybrid named Chris is already a success story.  Sorry Chris.  We all know what happens to hybrids who get a name that isn’t “Tyler,” don’t we?

Enjoy having a name, and partying with Sexy Finger-Sucking Hayley, while you can.  Because it looks like you just got a first class, one-way ticket to the Hybrid Pez Head Hall of Fame . . .

Adventures in Babysitting Elena Gilbert . . .

After paying his hybrids a visit, Klaus calls his boyfriend Stefan for a quick booty call.  I can’t tell you exactly what he says.  But I suppose it goes something like this:

Source

“Hey my Ripper Stud!  How’s it hanging?  Has your not-nearly-as-good-in-the-sack-as-me girlfriend started going all loony tunes from killing a vampire hunter yet?  She has?  So, in other words, both my love interests’ significant others are misbehaving, and making me look gooooood.  This must be my lucky day! Pull down your pants.  I’m coming over.”

Klaus explains to Stefan that part of the Curse of the Five is that, when a vampire kills one of them, the dead hunters spirit haunts that vampire until he or she offs herself . . . you know, permanently.  Klaus wants Stefan to lend him Elena to make sure she doesn’t rid the show of it’s main female protagonist.  Stefan is understandably leery of his boyfriend’s promise.  After all, we all know what happened the last time Klaus “borrowed,” Elena . . .

Unfortunately, for Stefan, Elena chooses this exact moment to mistake Damon for Dead!Connor.  And, within minutes, the latter rushes right into Klaus’ waiting arms . . .

Source

All of the sudden, this show just became one of those “zany” sitcoms, where the main character loses the kid he’s babysitting for, and has to go on all these CRAZY adventures, to find the kid, before The Parents get home . . .

A Christmas Carol – Mystic Falls Edition

Klaus locks Elena in one of those elegant-looking dungeons that all civilized super villains seem to have built into their homes.  It’s there that Crazy!Elena starts morphing into Mystic Falls’ version of Ebenezer Scrooge.  And just in time for the holidays!

We’ve already seen Elena be visited by the Ghost of Vampire Present, a.k.a Hot!Dead Connor. But now it’s time for Elena to get a glimpse into her vampire future, a.k.a Katherine.  I have to say, though I was initially annoyed that the writers took the time to bring back Elena’s Vixen Doppelganger, only to have her be little more than a figment of Schizo!Elena’s warped imagination, I kind of enjoyed watching Nina Dobrev so expertly turn her own alter ego to mush, with some awesomely biting insults.

Source

It’s hard being That Girl in the show or the movie, with whom all the hot supernatural creatures are madly in love, who always seems to need saving, and who is inadvertently responsible for most, if not all, of the untimely deaths in the series.  Because, as much as female fans might want to be you, a lot of them will also want to shove pointy objects up your ass, or, at the very least, feed you lard, and make your face break out in lots of pimples.  Just ask Bella Swan and Sookie Stackhouse . . .

So, while loving Vampire Diaries means, at least to some extent, loving Elena Gilbert, we all also hate her a little bit too.  And the part of us that hates her, got a real kick out of hearing our complaints about the character emerge directly from the mouth of Katherine Petrova . . .

In which I hope Professor Boo Radley doesn’t end up being this Silas Guy (because then I won’t be able to call him Professor Boo Radley anymore) . . .

Our Scooby Gang always seems to be searching for some “cure,” don’t they?  Just last week, they were hunting for a cure for vampirism, now they are seeking out a Cure for Crazy.  Their Pal Bon-Bon suggests that Professor Boo Radley might be just the guy to give them the answers they are seeking.

Worst Show and Tell EVER!

For the second time this season, we are subjected to another one of Boo Radley’s boring lectures about the occult . . .

.  . . except this one is about a seriously pissed-off dude named Silas, who literally lives under a rock.  It also raises some questions.  Could this Big Bad Silas guy be “the cure” to vampirism everyone is talking about?  Is Professor Boo Radley his alter ego, a la Clark Kent and Super Man?  Does this mean, I’m going to actually have to start listening to Professor Boo Radley, when he talks instead of sleeping, or taking a bathroom break, because his words might actually be important to the show’s mythology?  Man, I hope not . . .

As Matt cleverly pointed out, during his random chat with Damon at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls (Damon is still ordering drinks for Alaric, by the way.  How adorable is that?) . . .

Source

 . . . anyone who knows anything in this town is just assumed creepy, until proven otherwise.  And Professor Boo Radley sure does seem to know a lot about The Five.  Not only was he IN CAHOOTS with Hot!Connor, he also seemed to have been IN CAHOOTS! with that wackadoodle Pastor Young from the premiere episode.  Did I mention it was Professor Boo Radley, who conveniently clued in the rest of the Scooby Gang to the information they needed to secure Jeremy Gilbert’s status as a new vampire hunter?

Something smells fishy about Professor Boo Radley, and it’s not just all that gel he uses in his hair, or that his hippy dippy candlelit office probably reeks of patchouli.  It’s something else . ..  something BAAAAAAD . . .

In which we continue our trend of senselessly murdering hybrids, and Caroline takes her turn as the romantic lead . . .

Armed with the information they received about The Five, the Scooby Gang formulates a new two-pronged Save Elena plan.  First, free her from Klaus clutches, with the help of no-longer-sired-to-Klaus-hybrid Chris.  Then, get Jeremy to kill a vampire, thereby activating himself as a new member of The Five, and simultaneously breaking the hold DeadHOT! Connor has on Nutzo!Elena before she kills herself . . . again.

The first part seems like it should be easy.  After all, with Scooby Gang sympathizer Chris guarding her door, all Stefan really has to do is walk right in and free Elena, right.  Except, like I said, Stefan  is the Worst Babysitter in the World!

So, of course, two minutes after Stefan walks through that dungeon door, Elena is all, “Stefan, when did you turn into a hot bald black man who’s trying to kill me? AHHHHHHHH!”

She runs out.  And he loses her, AGAIN . . .

I know I shouldn’t be laughing at Stefan’s pain, and Elena’s psychoses, but I totally am . . .

Over at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, Klaus flirts some more with Caroline.  And she uses her feminine wiles to get the Original Hybrid on board with the Scooby Gang’s plan to “activate Jeremy” and “save Elena.”

Source

Whether your Team Klaroline or Team Forwood, you have to admit, Candice Accola and Joseph Morgan are fun to watch on screen together.  Their chemistry is just so different than the one that exists between Caroline and Tyler, that it makes this new love triangle, which could come off as stale or cliche with lesser actors, something fresh and interesting . . .

That said, I couldn’t have been the only one rolling my eyes, when Klaus told Caroline that if Tyler was still sired to him, the baby hybrid would never hurt the Vampire Barbie.  REALLY?  Says the guy who, just last season, used his sire bond to get Tyler to POISON CAROLINE WITH HIS SALIVA and almost kill her, just so Klaus could come to her rescue?

Here’s some advice, Klaus:  when trying to woo your lady love, play toward your strengths: buying expensive jewelery and dresses, offering up exotic vacations, doing that panty-dropping smirk thing you do, drawing ponies . . .

Save the “Honorable Guy / Hero” stuff for your adversary, Tyler, because it just doesn’t work for you . . .

Shortly thereafter, in a scene that upset me more than I thought it would, Sort-of Anonymous Hybrid Chris runs into Klaus, just moments after helping Team Scooby and paving the way toward his freedom.  The Original Hybrid stabs the poor guy, and then steps aside while Sweet Little Jeremy hacks off the head of yet another hybrid, in order to . . . wait for it . . . SAVE ELENA . . . the only difference is that, unlike the first one he killed, this one was genuinely a nice guy.  Too bad the writers had to go and give him a name . . .

I know a lot of people were disappointed in Tyler for throwing that glass at the wall in anger, upon learning that, not only had he pretty much hand delivered his fellow pack member to certain death, but that Caroline agreed to go on a date with Klaus, in order to ensure that it would happen.  But personally, I think that anger was kind of justified, under the circumstances.  Old Season 1 Tyler probably would have broken a heck of a lot worse than a wine glass, had that happened to him . . .

In which Damon Salvatore saves the day (AND quotes an 80’s movie), all in the same hour!

Source

Damon uses his expert knowledge of Elena to conclude that her wackadoodle self ran off to Wickory Bridge, i.e. “the place where it all began.”  But before he can find her, we get a fun little scene where The Ghost of Elena’s Vampire Present (Hot!DEAD! Connor), and the Ghost of Elena’s Evil! Vampire Future (Missing! Vampire Katherine) team up with the Ghost of Elena’s Not-So-Vampire Past (Mommy!) team up for a fun little game I like to call “Get Elena to kill herself.”

Now, if Connor Ghost was creepy, and Katherine Ghost was intellectually satisfying, Mommy Ghost was just frigging hilarious, though,  I suspect the last was not entirely intentional.  Come on . . . the blank expression she had on her face . . . the Stepford Wife smile . . . her complete lack of irony, as she told Elena, “Hey, you were an awesome human daughter, but as a vampire, you suck.  You should totally throw yourself off the bridge, honey, and join your underwater parents, whose corpses might still be there.  It’s what a Good Daughter would do . . .

Source

“Hmmm . . . I wonder what I’m having for dinner tonight.  I’m so tired of fish.”

Dramatic music blares in the background, as Elena stares over the bridge, and THROWS AWAY HER SUNSCREEN RING . . .

Now, that’s just a waste of perfectly good jewelry, not to mention environmentally unsound.  Just think about all the fish with insanely small heads who might choke on that ring . . .

Fortunately, Yummy Damon appears just moments after Jeremy chopped off Poor Chris’ head, thereby breaking the Suicide Spell on Elena FOREVER . . . or, at least, until the show comes up with another Spell That Puts Elena’s Life in Danger . . .

Source

The two of them exchange A LOOK . . . you know, the one.  It’s a look that says.

DAMON: “Hey sexy.  I’m so glad your still dead, but not, you know . . . DEAD, DEAD.  I’d really like to have sex with you right here on this bridge, where you keep almost dying.”

ELENA: “Hey hot stuff.  I’m so glad you came to see me at the exact same spot where I chose Stefan over you, and was punished for doing so by DYING.  Also, I’d really like to have sex with you right on this bridge, because why not?“

Then, the SUN COMES UP, which would normally be poignant and romantic . . . a metaphor for LIFE AND HOPE, except . . .

Well . . . this is a dead chick we’re talking about who just threw her sunscreen ring in river, so . . . OOPS.

Worry not, it’s Damon to the rescue!  He grabs Elena, and jumps into the water with her like Superman, saving her supernatural jewelry, just like he saved her vervain necklace, back in the day.

Source

Except, this time, Elena is SUPER APPRECIATIVE .  . . so appreciative that when Damon comes to see her in her bedroom the following morning she . . . wait for it . . .

Source

. . . fondles his . . . fingers.

Source

DARN . . . so close, right?  But wait . . . there’s more.

“It’s not you, it’s me . . . and my vampire sex urges for your older brother.”

Elena and Stefan have a heart to heart on the porch, after self-sacrificing brother extraordinaire Damon finally came clean to Elena about the whole “vampire cure” thing.  But for those of us who assumed we’d be subjected to YET another Stelena makeup scene, BOY were we wrong.  In a confession that literally caused my jaw to drop, Elena admitted to Stefan that her feelings for DAMON were growing stronger, and that she was not the same person with whom Stefan fell in love.

Source

And in a confession that dropped my jaw further, Stefan AGREED.

And then, they BROKE UP!

Holy crap!  For four years, Delena fans have been waiting for Elena to FINALLY recognize and give in to her romantic feelings for Damon.  But we never expected it to happen like this . . . It all just seemed so . . .matter-of-fact?

In a way, it’s the perfect time for the writers to explore the Delena relationship.  Not only does it give a nice nod to how Damon and Elena came together in the book series, it also makes sense.  While Stefan’s adoration of Elena remains largely fixated on the person she was . . . Damon has shown her, time and time, again, this season, that he loves, not only the young woman she was, but also the vampire she’s becoming . . .  His love is without condition or judgment.

It is accepting of Elena’s new-found impulses and flaws.  And while Elena is learning to accept her new self, she needs to be with the kind of man who can accept her too . . .

If I had to express one gripe about the way all this went down, it would be that, in the context of the season, it seemed to come a bit out of left field.  I mean, sure, Delena fans have all spent long hours analyzing scenes that show Elena fighting her unresolved passions for Damon.  But if we are to believe now that Elena feels MORE passionate about Damon, since becoming a vampire, I would have liked to have seen a scene or two, before she made her confession, which illustrated this . . .

Because aside from that one that one scene at the frat party . . .

. . . and a very short scene, in which Elena appeared to be checking out Damon’s shlong, we haven’t really gotten much of that so far this season.

Then again, I strongly suspect that the best is yet to come.  After all, anyone who’s ever had a secret crush knows that it’s when you actually verbalize it to your friends that it becomes the most real.  Suddenly, those feelings are out there in the world, and “playing it cool.” is simply no longer an option.

Just in time for the Miss Mystic Falls pageant. . .

Until next time, Fangbangers!

For those who wear their hearts on their sleeves (or, perhaps, someone else’s heart?) – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “The Ties that Bind”

Source

De-hearted Hybrid . . . the gift that keeps on giving . . .

Greetings, Fangbangers!  This week’s installment of TVD was all about family reunions, and heart-to-hearts . . .

Everytime a hybrid loses its heart, an angel gets its wings . . . 

Also, this week, 95% of TVD characters endured at least one ass-kicking . . .

Source 

(And some characters endured multiple ass-kickings . . .)

So, load up on buckshot, tighten those chains, and, for heaven sake, keep your coffins hidden, because it’s time for another TVD-cap . . .

(As always special thanks to the awesomeness that is my good pal Andre, and his mad screencapping abilities . . .)

I Dream of Meanie . . .

Bonnie’s reaction, when she learned that her future love interest on the show is sort of / kind of her brother . .  . 

Ever notice how the only time most of the characters on TVD “sleep” is when they are passed out unconscious, or dying?  Not Bonnie, though.  She’s a regular Rip Van Witchy.  For the second week in a row, the episode begins with one of Bonnie’s “spirit dreams.”  Once again, our resident Nose Bleeder is all dressed up, with no where to go, but to a Dead Person Party . . .

“Well, this is morbid!  Why can’t I just have Dirty Damon Sex Dreams, like everybody else?”

Dream Bonnie finds herself near the graveside plots reserved for various members of her family.  In the midst of all this is a Mahogany Coffin, which, I suspect is supposed to represent Klaus’ Mysterious Fourth Coffin, only this one looks way more expensive than that one.  So, Bonnie does what any rational human being would do, when she sees a fancy coffin in her dreams.  She fondles it . . .

Source 

“My precioussssss.”

But Bonnie’s not alone at her Dead Person Party.  Another guest has arrived . . .

Source

The fact that Klaus is in this dream makes a lot of sense, if you think about it.  After all, nobody loves Dead Family Members and Fancy Coffins, more than Klaus!

So, Klaus, being the gentleman that he is, makes some small talk with the Bonster, before . . . you know . . . eating her . . .

*Nom-nom, nom-nom, crunch, crunch, mmmmm . . .*

Source

Bonnie wakes up moments later INSIDE THE COFFIN.  Oddly enough, her neck is still attached to her head, despite Klaus having clearly lobbed it off, while making her his meal . .  . or, as I like to call it . . . foreplay.  One thing I have to say for Bonnie:  She has smarter dreams than I do.  Here’s how I know.  Dream Bonnie remembered to bring her cell phone to the Dead Person Party.  I can’t tell you how many dreams I’ve had, where the whole time, all I seemed to do was search for my cell phone, and wonder why I didn’t have it with me.  Super annoying!

Speaking of annoying, rather than actually using her cell phone to CALL SOMEONE, Bonnie decides to bang hysterically on the roof of the coffin, screaming, “I’M IN HERE.”  You know, just in case someone happens to drop by the cemetery for some R&R, at that very moment.  Someone like . . . her . . .

“Oh, hi there.  I was wondering if I could borrow your cell phone, since I left mine at home.  Thanks!”

*slams coffin shut again, and walks away* 

The minute Bonnie wakes up, she rushes to tell her Bestie Elena all about her dream, and that whole Hidden Coffin Thing.  This was actually pretty nice of Bonnie.  Because, typically, it takes the Scooby Gang about four episodes, to let Elena in on anything.  And, when she finds out, she usually ends up yelling at Damon . . .  So, really, when you think about it, Bonnie did Damon a solid, here . . .

“And then Klaus was like, ‘Can you open it?’ And I was like ‘Duh! No!’  And he was like ‘RRRRR-munch, munch.’ And I was like ‘Ahhhhhhh!’  And then, later, I was like, ‘Hi Mom!’ 

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” 

Somehow, from this ridiculous dream, Bonnie determines that her absentee mom, who she hasn’t seen in about 15 or so years, is the key to opening the fourth coffin.  To prove it, she decides to show Elena and a very pissed off Stefan a baby picture of herself, with some seriously poofy hair, and an oddly-placed bald spot . . .

Don’t you think it would have been nice, if they found a baby for this picture who actually looked remotely like Katerina Graham? 

The Return of the Eye Thing . . .

Source 

Later that day, Bonnie and Elena are combing through photographs of people named “Abby Bennett,” in hopes of finding one that looks like she might be related to Bonnie.  During the search, we are treated to a couple examples of real people who are “not Bonnie’s mom.”  And I must say, I felt particularly bad for THIS PERSON, who Bonnie classified as being “too old” . . .

First of all, girlfriend looks about 22.  Second of all, that’s REALLY HARSH!  Can you imagine this model being super excited about landing a “role” on The Vampire Diaries, and telling all her friends to watch, only to find out that she’s “too old?”

Fortunately, Damon magically appears to put a stop to this madness . . .

Source

With a little compulsion, and a lot of luck, Damon is quickly able to locate the home address of the “real Abby Bennett.”  And, understandably, he feels his super-sleuthing has earned him the right to enjoy a little road tripping time with new kissing buddy, Elena.  When denied the option of riding shotgun, Damon the chivalrous, graciously offers to ride in the back seat with Elena.  This, of course, got me to thinking about a Delena fanfiction I wrote once, where Damon and Elena had hot amorous sex in the backseat of a car, while Tyler and Caroline sat in front, uncomfortably pretending not to notice all the moaning sounds emanating from behind them . . .

“Hey Tyler, what do you say we roll down the back windows on this baby, and head for the local car wash?”

But I digress . . . a super pouty Elena tells Damon he can’t come on the road trip, because she thinks he will be mean to Bonnie, during her Epic Mother Child Reunion.  In Elena’s defense, she’s probably right.  Then again, how can you really say no to a face like this?

Source 

This adorable Delena exchange (which, unfortunately, was the only one we got for the ENTIRE hour) reminded me of another instance, in which Elena lectured Damon, and Damon responded by . . . well . . . doing THIS . . .

Source 

Not at all surprisingly, you could cut the Delena sexual tension in the room with a butter knife.  And it doesn’t go unnoticed by Bonnie, who immediately asks, “What’s going on between you too?”

Of course, you can count on Damon to spill the beans on the soon-to-be-couple’s epic necking session.

By doing this, Damon ensures that, even though he can’t go on the road trip with Bonnie and Elena, he is at least guaranteed to be a major topic of discussion thereon.   Well played, Pimp Salvatore . . .

Love Means Never Having to Say “I bit you.”

Source 

Redemption, thy name is Shirtless Tyler Lockwood!  Those of us Forwood fans who became concerned last week, that the siring of Tyler would lead to a complete, and utter, assassination of his character (both metaphorically, and, possibly even literally) breathed a sigh of relief this week, when Hybrid #2 manned up in a really big way.  After accidentally giving his girlfriend the Love Bite to End All Love Bites, Tyler doesn’t hide in his room all day, binging on carbs, and watching YouTube videos.  (Though, that’s probably what I would do, if I were him.)  Instead, he shows up on Caroline’s doorstep, first thing in the morning with an apology, a special guest star, and, most importantly, a PLAN . . .

So, remember Caroline’s Big Gay Dad . . . a.k.a. the Asshat, who tried to De-Vamp Caroline, by locking her in a dungeon, and drying her out, in a sick version of Daddy / Daughter Time?

Someone’s not getting a Father’s Day gift . . . 

Well, apparently, just like Tyler, he knows a thing or too about guilt, and being the subject of Vampire Barbie’s disappointment and wrath.  He also knows how to fend off compulsion with his mind, a party trick that could come in super handy, if you are someone who is . . . oh, I don’t know . . . Gay for Klaus . . .

 Source

“Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the e-card that said, ‘Sorry, I almost gave you were rabies.’  So, I decided to do the next best thing.”

Caroline’s dad always seems to get just a bit too much glee out of torturing supernatural high schoolers.  That said, his notion that Tyler can break his sire bond, by owning his painful werewolf transformations, thereby staving off the gratitude he feels toward Klaus for allowing him not to experience that pain, is an intriguing one.  Of course, it assumes that the sire bond exists only in Tyler’s conscience, and has absolutely nothing to do with magic or compulsion .  . . an assumption with which I’m inclined to disagree.

 “Let’s make out.”

“Yes, Master.”

Nonetheless, I love the idea of Tyler trying to regain his own independence, by embracing his werewolf side, a side of himself which, to a large extent, was what first connected him to Caroline, in the first place . . .

Since we already know how LONNNNG and painful, werewolf transformation can be, especially for a relative “newbie werewolf” like Tyler, I for one was grateful to get the Cliff Notes version, this time . . .

I suspect Caroline was grateful, as well.  Because, whatever has happened between these two of late, I think she still loves him.  Given that, it must be unbelievably hard for her to see him in so much pain . . . especially, since she knows he’s enduring it, to a large extent, for her.  There’s also that whole, “werewolf bite kills a vampire” thing.

So, when Tyler kindly growls for Caroline to “beat it,” so he can turn into a monster in peace, he doesn’t have to ask twice.  She’s out faster than a tubby girl in dodgeball.  Big Gay Dad on the otherhand, clearly has a death wish, and sticks around.  Someone should have told this guy, that you don’t shake sticks at angry dogs.  And you DEFINITELY don’t go after angry werewolves with an axe . . .

“Kiddies .  . . do not try this at home.” 

“Is this guy for real?’ 

Next thing you know, Tyler is giving a BIGGGGG love bite to another member of the Forbes family.  And I’m thinking to myself, “Oh Tyler, honey, eating your girlfriend’s father is REALLY not the best way to salvage your relationship . . .”

“Hey . . . he started it.”

Crazy Nanny Carrie Takes on Team Badass

Source

I think Alaric’s finally found a girlfriend, who’s as big of an alcoholic as he is!

“Bottoms up, bottoms up . . . let me fill your cup.  Got a couple bottles, but a couple ain’t enough . . .” 

We find him, at the beginning of this episode, once again day drinking at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls with Crazy Nanny Carrie, who, of course, classifies herself as an “Angry Drunk,” before heading out for another day of “saving lives” (or taking them?).  Damon arrives on the scene, looking more than a bit jealous that his bromantic buddy has been drinking with someone who isn’t him . . .

Damon also watches a lot of TV.  So, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he caught Crazy Nanny Carrie drugging Mayor Dan, and trying to bury him alive on One Tree Hill . . .

Given all that, coupled with the recent untimely demise of a certain Medical Examiner Ex Boyfriend of the Crazy Nanny’s . . .

. . .  you certainly can’t blame Damon for being a wee bit suspicious of the woman who’s planning to eat his boyfriend’s Chunky Monkey  . . .

And so, one half of Team Badass heads straight to hospital to pay the good doctor a visit, armed with an admittedly rather lame excuse for his presence there . . .

 

Source

A newborn’s response to being waved at by Damon Salvatore . . . 

Having disposed of the pleasantries, Damon quickly launches into some not-so-thinly veiled accusations that Crazy Nanny Carrie murdered her preppy sweater vest wearing ex-beau.  At first, Crazy Nanny takes these insults in stride.  It’s nothing she hasn’t heard before.  But then, she VERVAINS DAMON, and JACKS HIS BLOOD, WHILE HE SLEEPS, which is so NOT the way to treat your boyfriend’s best friend .  . .

That said, it did give us the opportunity to watch Damon sleep, which was awesome.  I’m not going to lie . . .

Sadly, Damon’s shirt was kept on, throughout the entire ordeal . . . But surely, you wouldn’t blame me for taking a little creative license with this moment.  Would you?

A little while later, Damon  visits Alaric (who is looking particularly sweaty and sexy in his grey tank top) for a friendly round of “I told you so.”

 “You better buff up, if you want to date this one,” Damon warns.  “Diagnosis: Psycho case.”

To be honest, I missed a lot of this scene.  I was way to focused on the magically reappearing, disappearing sweat on Alaric’s shirt . . .

Now you see it . . .

Now you don’t . . .

See it . . .

Don’t . . .

“Dude, I think that immortality ring of yours is giving you a glandular issue . . .” 

Eventually, Alaric confronts Crazy Nanny Carrie, and she reveals to him her Deep Dark Secret . . . she uses vampire blood to cure her patients.  She also has a collection of decapitated heads in her bathtub.  (We even see Crazy Nanny using Damon’s blood to save Big Gay Dad, so that he might live to torture Poor Tyler another day.  Hooray!)

“Turn into a werewolf without pain?  Easy for him to say .  . . At least, he gets to drift into convenient unconsciousness, when I break HIS bones.” 

Alaric might be a history teacher.  But he clearly hasn’t learned the number one lesson of all history courses:  history has a way of repeating itself.  A few years back, Alaric dated a psycho named Isobel, to whom he told all his Deepest Darkest Secrets.  She ended up dumping his ass, and then returning to town, only to use those secrets to get him POSSESSED BY AN EVIL VAMPIRE.  And yet, Mr. Disappearing / Reappearing Sweat Stain saw absolutely nothing wrong with revealing to Crazy Nanny Carrie, a woman he barely knows, the fact that (1) he’s a vampire hunter with a MAD weapons stash, and (2) he owns an immortality ring . . .

Crazy Nanny Carrie wastes no time trying to pry the damn thing off his finger, while they make out (probably so that she can morph into Medusa and turn him into stone, or something).  Fortunately, Elena barges in, and, in doing so, probably saves Alaric’s life.  But even that’s a lesson Alaric hasn’t seemed to have learned yet.  Hey Alchy-ric!  News flash: When you live with teenagers, and you want to hook up with your girlfriend, CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR, FIRST!

“Whoopsies!” 

“Geez, Alaric!  At least put a sock on the doorknob, or something!”

“Baby, I’m Howling for You . . .”

I absolutely love that Klaus is a fan of The Black Keys.  I also happen to think that “Howling for You” is a perfect theme song for the character.  I would have liked it even more if he started to dance to it . . .

 At some point, in the middle of the song, Stefan pops by for a little Ripper Reunion . . .

They talk business.   They talk coffins.  Neither one is willing to budge an inch on his position.  Then Klaus makes an offhand comment about how he doesn’t think the whole “Crazy Stefan” thing, is really working for him.  “How’s that working out for you?  Do you have any friends left?”  He asks, slyly.

Ouch, Klaus!  Of course, this searing analysis would probably mean a lot more coming from a guy who didn’t kill both his parents, and stake all his siblings . . .

That said, no one can say now that Klaus doesn’t have a lot of friends.  He’s made a ton of them recently . . . I mean, literally “made them.”  In fact, he calls one of these so-called friends, shortly after Stefan leaves.  He then instructs the hybrid to pay a little visit to a certain Bennett household where, Elena and Bonnie may or may not be headed, as they speak . . .

“Dammit, Klaus.  Why did you have to call me?  Every hybrid on this show that gets a speaking part, always ends up without a head or a heart . .  .” 

In which Bonnie joins Team Damon, and my respect for her increases ten-fold . . .

Source 

You know, Bonnie and I have never been particularly close.  And I think part of the reason for that was that she always seemed particularly anti-Delena.  And, as you might have guessed, I’m a bit of a fanatic about that Ship . . .

Then came this week’s road trip, in which Bonnie craftily got Elena to admit that Damon was a good kisser, and, in that beautiful moment, all the things that made me HATE Bonnie’s character, in the past  (the fire starting,  the ugly nose-bleeding, the judginess, and the migraine-making) was forgiven . . . at least, until she starts pulling that sh*t again . . .

Source 

This Damon-centric conversation is cock blocked by a phone call from Stefan, who Elena tells Bonnie to ignore, before eventually taking the phone herself (which is the responsible thing to do, considering Bonnie is DRIVING, and shouldn’t be on her cell phone, in the first place, Stefan).  Elena ends up lying to Stefan, telling him that the two are going to the lakehouse, instead of to Bonnie’s mom’s house.  Stefan, of course, sees right through the lie, and vows to do something about it . . . a decison that, under the circumstances, he might end up regretting . . .

Family Reunion gone Baaaaaaaaaad.

“Bonnie!  I’d like you to meet your mom, and your new boyfriend / brother.  They will both be trying to kill you today . . .” 

Since we saw Soon-to-Be-Heartless-Hybrid pay a visit to the Bennett house, just moments earlier, us viewers are all pretty sure this mother/child reunion is going to end badly.  We just aren’t sure how.

 When Bonnie and Elena first arrive at the house, they meet THIS GUY . . .

 . . . who seems to have no qualms about inviting the two strange females into the house (one of whom claims to be the owner of the house’s daughter), and offering them food and drink, as if he owns the place.  When Bonnie asks “Jamie” (that’s his name, by the way) if the two of them are related, and he says “no,” my first thought is that Abby Bennett is a cougar, and this is her boyfriend.  Part of me is actually disappointed that this didn’t end up being the case . . .

“So, basically, my bio mom was a sociopathic vampire, and yours is a total slut.  Awesome!” 

“Jamie” explains that his dad dated Bonnie’s mom, but ended up being a total douchebag deadbeat.  So, Mama Bennett ended up raising him as the child she never had.  Of course, she did have a child . . . Bonnie.  So, we certainly can’t blame our little witch for being a bit resentful, under the circumstances.

“Don’t make me light a fire up your ass, JAAAAIMMMEE.” 

Another thing, I couldn’t help but notice is that, though they are not technically related, in some ways, Jamie IS kind of like Bonnie’s brother.  And, to me, this makes things kind of icky, especially if the writers are planning on pairing the two together romantically, as rumors seem to suggest that they are . . .  But hey, it worked in Clueless, right?

Shortly thereafter, Bonnie’s bio mom returns to the house.  Elena quickly leaves, so that the two can “iron out their issues” in piece . . .

“So, mom . . . you used to be a witch, right.  How did you cope with all the nose bleeds?  Sometimes, I bleed so much, I feel like my nostrils are going to fall off my face . . .”

I have to say, I was neither impressed, nor did I entirely buy, Abby Bennett’s story as to why she ditched Bon-Bon as a kid.   So, let me get this straight, she “lost her powers” fifteen years ago, while luring Original Mikael into a coffin, and then decided to leave town without her kid or husband, so she didn’t have to be a witch anymore?

Well, without her powers wasn’t she “not a witch anymore,” anyway?  And, if she was planning to leave town, why didn’t she think to take her three-year old, and the rest of her family with her?  Wouldn’t that have made more sense?

Also, this “kind-hearted” woman . . . who was willing to literally give up everything to save her best friend’s kid (Mikael was supposedly in town looking for Elena) . . .  and went on to raise someone else’s kid as her own . . . never even thought to check on whether her OWN MOTHER, who she put in charge of raising HER KID, was alive or dead?

I don’t know.  Something about this story stinks . . . and it isn’t just the nosebleeds that are making it so . . .

Outside in the barn, or whereever it is that Elena ends up, she runs into Stefan, who’s none too happy with her for lying to him about her plans.

Source 

Unfortunately, for him, he doesn’t get too much time to “express his feelings,” because THIS happens . . .

Source 

That had to hurt . . .

Yeah, apparently, hybrid compulsion beats Stefan compulsion.  Who knew?  When Jamie comes to intervene on Stefan’s and Elena’s arguing, Stefan horrifies Elena, by strangling the poor kid, and compelling him to leave.  But it’s Jamie who has the last laugh, when he turns right back around, and pumps Stefan’s stomach full of buckshot.  He also ties Elena to a post, with some rope.

(Chivalry is SO dead!)

Things aren’t going much better, inside.  When Bonnie hears the gunshot, Mama Abby muffles Bonnie’s face, until she falls unconscious, and drags her ass into a car.  Man, the parents on this show suck ass . . .

“Rockabye Bonnie, in the farmhouse.  When the wind blows, I’ll DRUG YOU, UNTIL YOU PASS OUT . .  .” 

Stefan gets a woody (multiple woodies, actually)

I guess all that time Elena has spent working out is finally starting to pay off . . .

Elena somehow manages to break free of the ropes confining her to the wooden post.  As Stefan writhes on the floor in pain, more or less, useless.  Elena gets Jamie to admit that he’s been compelled to (1) hurt Stefan; (2) keep Elena safe; and (3) KILL HIMSELF IF BONNIE DOESN’T REVEAL TO KLAUS’ HYBRID THE LOCATION OF THE COFFINS.  Then, feigning rope burn, Elena gets Jamie to come close enough to her that she can knock him unconscious, with a spare piece of wood.

Source 

Once that’s over and done with she kneels down to tend to Stefan, who suggest that Elena hand pick all the buckshot out of his body.  (FUN!)  Part of me was actually surprised that Stefan didn’t ask her to do it with her mouth, like THIS GUY did . . .

(If it had been Damon on the floor, he totally would have done this .  . .)

It makes sense that Elena’s acts of bravery and kindness would prompt Nice Stefan to make a rare cameo appearance.  First, he compliments Elena on how much tougher she’s become, since he temporarily ditched her ass, and went Rogue Ripper . . .

 Source

Yes, Stefan.  Being dumped tends to make people Stronger and Tougher, even Kelly Clarkson said so.  What’s interesting about what Stefan says here is that it kind of reminds me of what Katherine said to him, when the pair were first reunited in “The Return.”

Source

“You’re stronger . . . meaner . . . sexy.” 

Stefan also gets major points for admitting that he went just a smidge too far, with the whole “threatening to drown you over the same bridge where both your parents died,” thing . . .  And perhaps, it’s this honestly, and increased intimacy, between the two that prompts Elena to make this AWESOME confession . . .

Source 

Source 

That’s right, Delena fans.  Elena Gilbert is not one to mince words.  And when she says she fell in love with “vampires” plural .  . . and then later admits to KISSING SOMEONE without guilt, as opposed to BEING KISSED, she means it, most definitely.  And whether or not I think this was the opportune moment to share this information with Stefan, I love that Elena is so willing to own up to her romantic feelings for Damon, not just to Stefan . . . but also to herself . . .

And really, can Stefan honestly blame her for falling for his brother, when Damon Salvatore is so friggin hot and charming, it’s almost painful to be in his presence, without ripping your clothing off he practically rolled the red carpet for the two of them to couple?

That said, even the staunchest of Delena shippers can’t help but feel the tiniest bit bad for Stefan, when — after weeks of showing virtually no emotion whatsoever, aside from sheer, unadulterated RAGE — the younger Salvatore brother suddenly looks as though he’s going to burst into tears at the prospect of his lover moving on, without him . . .

Source 

Source 

Welcome back, Stefan’s Humanity!  Long time, no see . . .

Once Stefan has come down a bit, from the shock of hearing that Elena kissed Damon (He should watch it on YouTube.  He’ll really be miserable then!), Elena confronts him again.

“Hey Steffy . . . I just wanted to stop by and torture you some more with details about my new love life.  Here’s a detailed description of how Damon’s tongue felt as it probed my mouth and nether regions.  If you’d like, I could even show you pictures. . .” 

At this point, Stefan says something interesting: “You’re better than him.  You’re better than both of us,” he says sadly, before getting back into his car, and driving away.

We heard this same sentiment echoed by Damon, when he first told Elena he loved her (and compelled her to forget it) back in “Rose.”  To me, it shows just how psychically linked these two brothers are.  How sad that neither man believes himself worthy of the woman he loves the most.

Well, hey, if Elena ends up being “too good” for both Damon and Stefan, I’d be happy to take one of them off her hands for her .  . .

Elsewhere, Bonnie’s mom (who wasn’t compelled, but was acting against her real daughter to save her not-son?) keeps Jamie from offing himself, by getting Bonnie to come clean to Klaus’ hybrid about the location of the coffins.  But before she does that, she secretly gives Bonnie the OK to tell her friends what’s happening, so that they might have time to do something about it.  Their story ends on a relatively nice note, with Bonnie’s mom offering to try and get her power back (assuming she genuinely lost it, in the first place), so that she can help Bonnie open the Infamous Fourth Coffin.

I still don’t trust the witch, though . . .

 Source

. . . sorry . . .

Klaus = 1, Dead Witches = 0

So, the good news for Klaus is that he found out from his hybrid where Damon and co. were hiding the coffins . . .

 . . . but the bad news is that the witches are hiding them from him, so he can’t actually see them  . . .

They are also pretending he’s old school Damon and beating the crap out of him WITH THEIR MINDS .  . .

So, he tells them, in no uncertain terms, that they better be nicer to him, or he will “Rip Damon from limb to limb” and “KILL EVERYONE THEY LOVE.”

Time to get some new tagline, Klaus.  These threats are getting old . . .

Lack of originality aside, the witches roll over and play dead decide to show Klaus the coffins . . .

The only problem, of course (for Klaus, that is), is that Damon has re-hidden the ALL IMPORTANT FOURTH COFFIN . . .

So, suck on that Klausipoo!

Klaus = 0, Damon = 2, Elijah = 310 . . . .

When Stefan arrives back home to La Casa de Rich and Awesome, after a long, eventful day of being shot at, and having his — now apparently working again — heart stomped on, he decides to offer his favorite brother a little “keepsake” from his journey . . .

Source

It’s a BLACK EYE!  HOORAY! 

Poor Damon . . . vervained, de-blooded,  beaten-up . . . he ALMOST wins the award for most abused cast member, this week .  . . almost . . .  But it appears, Damon might have taken a little keepsake of his own . . .

Meanwhile, back at the Klaus House, a mildly-pleased-with-himself Klaus, is going over his Malelovent Plans for World Domination with his Hybrid Pal of the week, when THIS happens . . .

Sorry Random Hybrid!  It looks like you just won yourself one of these . . .

But hey, look on the bright side.  I’m sure this episode earned you your SAG card!

Anywhoo . . .

Source 

(He wants to know what he missed.  Do you think I should e-mail him my recaps? :))

That’s right boys and girls, Damon the Awesome de-staked Elijah, before returning his coffin to Klaus.

And now, boyfriend is going to have some SERIOUS explaining to do . . .

You can try to run, Klaus . . .

 . . . but you CAN’T HIDE!

And that was “The Ties that Bind,” in a nutshell.  Unfortunately, The Vampire Diaries is taking a short hiatus, next week.

But if the promos for episode 13 are any indication, it will definitely be worth the wait . . .

See you then, Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

A Birthday and Five Funerals – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Our Town”

[Greetings, Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars Fans!  I know I owe you all two recaps today.  Unfortunately, I was feeling a bit under the weather last night.  However, I hope to get both recaps out to you by early January 18th (all fingers crossed).  This means my Glee-cap should arrive by January 19th.  Sorry about the delay.  And thank you for being patient!]

BONNIE: “Make a wish, Caroline.”

CAROLINE: “I wish to get more action than Elena, this year.” 

 

Source

“Nice, Caroline!  I thought we were friends.  Do the words, ‘three seasons of virtual celibacy’ mean anything to you?” 

Greetings Fangbangers!  I’m going to admit that some very strange things happened to me during this episode . . . things I never thought would happen, ever . . .  Here they are,  in no particular order:

(1) Bonnie, as per usual, was judgmental toward Elena, about something she did last week. And I AGREED WITH BONNIE!

(2) Matt Donovan actually made me smile.  (This hasn’t happened, since he got high, back in “The Birthday.”  Perhaps, I only like Matt when he’s wasted .  . .)

Source 

(3) Elena refused a second kiss from Damon, and I was totally OK with it.  (BECAUSE, NEXT TIME, SHE’S GOING TO KISS HIM, INSTEAD!)

(4) I found myself incredibly turned on by a (sort of) love scene between Caroline, and someone who wasn’t Tyler . . .

Clearly, the apocalypse is upon us .  . .

Also this week, I found myself, at various points during the episode, seriously questioning the respective motivations of Stefan, Klaus, and Tyler.

Are these men behaving out of self-interest,  genuine concern for their lady friends, or, in the case of Tyler, a slighty modified version of compulsion?  Also, would they all have been better off keeping their hands (and teeth) to themselves?

All in all, it was a very intriguing episode .  . . one I very much look forward to “biting into” with you, right now . . .

(By the way, special thanks to Andre, for providing me some seriously amazing screencaps for this episode.  I just wish we had a TVD tumblr, so that I can share them all with you.)

Channeling “Frustrations”

Source 

“I will not imagine Damon naked.  I will not imagine Damon naked . . . I will not . . .”

“Dammit!”

So, Fangbangers, have you ever been really horny stressed out?  Do you sometimes find yourself with so much excess desire and sexual energy, you simply must find someone to bone some way to release it?  I have.  And whenever I feel this way, I tend to GO BONE DAMON SALVATORE, THIS INSTANT, ELENA! do one of two things . . .

(1) workout my frustrations with some good old-fashioned humping physical exertion; or

(2) get naked cool off in a nice, refreshing shower.

When you think about it, it actually makes a lot of sense that Elena ended up doing the former, especially, in light of her recent epic porch smooch with Damon.

It’s also no surprise that, Damon did the latter.  (After all, let’s face it, it’s been WAY TOO LONG, since we got to see Mr. Smoulderhotter NAKED!)

 I’ve never been so envious of a towel, in my entire life.

I mean, Damon’s always been known to be quite the suds-loving dude . . .  He takes his personal hygiene VERY seriously . . .

Source 

But aside from all that, Damon is in a REALLY good place right now.

Source

And . . . now, I’m jealous of the shower head . . . 

After three seasons of angst, and unrequited love, the elder Salvatore Brother has FINALLY unburdened himself to Elena.  He’s exposed himself to her, in the rawest, most personal way, and SHE reciprocated!

Source 

 It was everything he dreamed about.  And he’s totally satisfied with how it all turned out.

Elena, on the other hand, is CONFUSED, not to mention SERIOUSLY SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED.  It’s as if, through that kiss, Damon transferred years of horny angst, unrequited love, and giddy confusion from his shoulders onto her own . . .

The only way to release that tension will be for Elena to similarly unburden herself.  But, until she does that, something tells me she’s going to be thinking about that kiss for a VERY, VERY long time . . .

“Have you talked to Damon, today?”  Elena asks Alaric apprehensively, as she thrusts her body into that big sweaty hunk of punching bag.  (It’s a surprisingly girly comment, coming from our new warrior princess . . . Suddenly, she’s a preteen again, asking her best friend, if he thinks her crush likes her.)

Alaric clearly suspects something is going on between his surrogate kid, and his bromantic buddy, but, fortunately knows when to leave well enough alone . . .

“She could beat me up, for sure.” 

Meanwhile, over at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Stefan also might suspect that Damon’s gotten some tongue action (among other things), when the latter saunters out of his shower, naked except for a towel, looking surprisingly peppy, not to mention cocky as hell.

But if you were hoping for a brotherly bonding  / gossip session over the brother’s mutual Gal Friday, you will end up being sorely disappointed.  Stefan, who, by the way, hasn’t been laid in AGES .  . .

“Rub it in, why don’t ya?” 

 .  . .  is all business.  He wants the two of them over at Institution for Dead Witches on the Rag, ASAP, so that the pair can discuss Operation Kill Klaus.

As douchetastic and cold as Stefan has been, of late (He also seems to be wearing a heck of a lot more guyliner, since he went over to the dark side.), it was kind of fun to see the Salvatore Brothers back to their old schemes, and sibling banter.  We haven’t seen that from them, in a while . . .

Knock, Knock . . . (a.k.a. Funeral 1)

Knock, knock . . .

Who’s there?

Heartless Hybrid . . .

Heartless Hybrid who . . .

Oh crap!

Despite the fact that there are three other unopened coffins in our midst (one of which contains Elijah and his awesome hair) . . .

 . . . everyone only seems interested in that Mystery One . . .

“What are we?   Chopped liver?” 

We find Bonnie at the Institution, doing her own version of Bibbity Bobbity Boo over it . . .

Hey, I’ve got an idea.  Why doesn’t she try to light the coffin on fire, or give it a headache, like she used to do to Damon . . . 

 (only without the nosebleeds . . . Have we completely forgotten about the nosebleeds, writers?) to no avail.

That’s right, Bonnie.  I’m never letting you live this down . . . 

Later, Damon tries to bash it in with a crowbar.  That’s more like it.  I’m just waiting for a Batsh*t Crazy Stefan to come at the thing with an electric chainsaw.  Now, THAT would be awesome . . .

But, suddenly, just as Bonnie finishes her silly little rhyme, and Damon and Stefan reach the doorway to the Institution, the coffins disappear (What a clever little security system those witches have set up!)  Damon rushes inside to warn Bonnie.  Then, he and Stefan tag team and promptly de-heart our first anonymous hybrid victim of the evening.

Man, is it just me, or are these hybrids incredibly lame?

I don’t know, Klaus.  Maybe they get that from their mom’s side of the family?  But it seems to me like some of the Season 1 vampires, were about ten times more difficult to kill than these supposed Lean, Mean, Killing Machines . . .

Part vampire . .  . part werewolf . . . ALL LOSER?

“These hybrids are really bringing the neighborhood down,” snarks Damon, as he tosses the bloody heart on the floor.

No wonder he showers so much . . . 

Correction:  They WOULD be bringing the neighborhood down, if any of them were actually smart enough to survive longer than five minutes to do it . . .

A Very, Very Un-Birthday to YOU!

“I was originally going to write the letters in my own blood, but thought that might be inappropriate.” 

Over at school, Elena and Bonnie are busy decorating undead birthday girl, Caroline’s locker, when Elena announces that she has a confession to make.  “I kissed Damon, and it was so hot I nearly orgasmed, right there on my porch.  I’m so horny right now I could SCREAM. Jeremy’s leaving Mystic Falls, because I made Damon compel him to do so,” she admits, more or less.

Source

The look on Bonnie’s face, when she hears this, is just FILLED with judgment.  Can you imagine what her face is going to look like, when she learns Damon and Elena are boning?

She knows her ex would never willingly leave his family to battle evil, while he scurried off to someplace “safe.”  And she also knows how much Jeremy always hated the way everyone, especially his sister, always treated him like a toddler, and never let him play in any Scooby Games.  But, as angry as she is, Bonnie doesn’t say anything . . . yet.

Instead, she goes and asks Jeremy about why he’s leaving.  And when he provides her with the stock, Stepford Husband, compulsion response with which Damon has provided him, she gives him this smirk that says, “You are acting like a such a brainwashed tool, right now.  And you don’t even know it.”

For a second, it seems like Bonnie just might have gotten through to Jeremy.  But then he sees a shiny object (Ghost Anna?), and completely forgets that she exists.  Sorry, Bonster.  You may be right about this one.  But your ship has definitely sailed . . .

“I’m sorry. Damon has also compelled me to forget the name of that witch I used to screw.”

Meanwhile, an unusually Mopey Caroline arrives at school to find Tyler waiting for her in the parking lot.

“I could always ‘accidentally’ run him over with my car . . .” 

I know girls like Caroline.  Under normal circumstances, she’d probably show up to school on her birthday, wearing a tiara, a gold sequined dress, and a big button that says, “F*&k Kiss me, I’m a year older.”

“When I open my eyes, I better see lot of expensive presents in front of me, or else!” 

But our girl Caroline has changed, in more ways than one, since last year.  And the sight of her erstwhile beau isn’t making things any easier on her.

Speaking of subdued, the events of the past week seem to have finally gotten it through Tyler’s thick (but still adorable) hybrid skull that being “Gay for Klaus” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  He apologizes profusely to Caroline for no longer being able to put her first, given how demanding his new lover happens to be.  Then, he sweetly slips an adorable silver charm bracelet into her hand, wishes her happy birthday, and exits stage left . . .

As the couple talk, there’s some song playing in the background, in which the lyrics repeat, “It’s over,” over and OVER again.  And there’s just something about it that really makes me want to break something.

Many fellow TVD fans have often complained about the LOUDNESS of the show’s background music.  But this was the first time it TRULY bothered me . . . like a too-loud laugh track, over a part of a sitcom that wasn’t particularly funny . . .

“Turn the music down, dammit, I’m trying to hear FORWOOD!” 

All this angst and pedantic music quickly become too much for Caroline.  So, her and her plaid Catholic School Girl Skirt both decide to take a sick day  . . .

How very Britney Spears, circa 1998 . . . 

When, she arrives back at her house, however, Elena, Matt, and Bonnie are there waiting for her.  (Did they all call in sick too?)

How many high school boys do you know who would willingly wear a bubble gum pink dunce cap? 

They’ve planned a tequila campfire party in her honor.  But Caroline, as we know, isn’t in a celebrating mood.  “[My birthday, this year] is just a reminder that I’m dead,” she gripes.  “I’m stuck in a filler year,” Vampire Barbie adds about her “forever 17” status.

Source

(I don’t know about 17 being a filler year, per se.  At least you can get your driver’s license, over and over again!)

But worry not, Caroline fans.  Because Elena Gilbert, Therapist to Vampires, knows exactly the kind of party that Caroline needs . . .

A Very Klefan Breakup (a.k.a Funeral 2)

Speaking of vampires who are desperately in need of both therapy and sex, it seems Klaus has crafted a comfy new coffin for his re-daggered sister, Rebekah (or, perhaps, he saved the old one . . . knowing it wouldn’t be long before he’d get sick of his sister, and need it again).

He tells Punky She-Hybrid to “Show Rebekah to her room,” while lovingly caressing the coffin.  And, for a moment, I’m reminded of that movie where Ryan Gosling started having intimate conversations with, and eventually, if I recall, marrying, a life-sized female doll . . .

But before Punky She-Hybrid can give Coffin Number 1, the grand tour of the Original Hybrid Suite, Stefan magically appears . . . (because, apparently, this is a day for Reunions with Ex-Boyfriends).

Klaus’ eyes light up when he sees his Steffypoo.  And for a moment, I think the ancient vampire truly believes that the two of them are about to kiss and have sex make up.

But before Klaus and Stefan can continue their weekly weiner-measuring contest, Stefan has some grievances to air about their relationship, “friends don’t strip friends of their free will,” whines Stefan, of Klaus’ Very Bad Boyfriend decision to render him a virtual zombie for three or four episodes.

“Must . . . eat . . . braaaaaiiiiins.” 

To Klaus’ credit,  he actually apologizes for this.  “I know that was extreme, but I can get a bit moody sometimes,” says the guy who has a habit of KILLING his relatives, for fun.   “I was hoping [now that all that is over and done], that we could pick up right where we left off,” he coos, the sexual suggestiveness of his statement, fairly clear, as he winks at his boy toy, and blows kisses in his direction.

But Stefan’s not giving in so easily, nor is he swayed, by Klaus’ decision to play the “Brother Card.”  In fact, Stefan’s SOOOO not down with the idea of a Klefan reunion that he CHOPS OF PUNKY SHE-HYBRID’S HEAD!

So, remember back when Stefan used to eat people’s heads off, and then glue them back on, because he felt bad about it?  Apparently, neither does he . . . 

And another one bites the dust . . .

I love how the decapitated body just stood there, for about three seconds, before finally crumbling to the ground. 

For those of you keeping track at home, out of Klaus’ merry band of hybrids, we now have two, without hearts, and two without heads.  Now, we just need some arms, legs, and torsos, up in this joint.  And we could have ourselves a mean game of Hangman!

But alas, Klaus decides to burn Punky She-Hybrid’s head, in all it’s stylish Angry Girl Band-loving glory.  This to me, seems like a real waste, especially when a “decorative sculpture” like this could really have spruced up Coffin Rebekah’s new bedroom . .  .

A Very Klyler Breakup?

But Stefan isn’t the only boy toy of Klaus’ that’s cheesed off at him.  Seemingly moments after Stefan the Decapitator has departed, in comes a snarling, feral-looking Tyler.  He’s not giving in to this “sire” thing.  No sir!  He’s his own man, dammit.

So, of course, Klaus has to send Tyler off on another errand: namely, bite Caroline, and give her were-hybrid rabies, like Rose and Damon, before her.

(Hmmm . . . interesting.  So, a hybrid bite can kill a vampire, just as easily as a werewolf one can, despite the fact that hybrids are, technically, part vampire.  What happens, when they bite themselves?) 

Tyler says “Hell to the No” to this errand, which I appreciated very much (Of course, I would have appreciated it much more, if his “Hell to the No” was followed by “Pretty please don’t kill Caroline, because I love her” . . .  as opposed to merely, “Why should I do it?” . . . the unspoken .  . . and, perhaps, unintentional, implication being that it would be OK, if someone else did it).

“See?  I should have run him over with my car!” 

Klaus pouts a bit, at his sex  slave’s surprising disobedience.  But, oddly enough, he ultimately lets Tyler off the hook, for this particular errand, without much fanfare . . . or does he?

In which it becomes shockingly apparent that the entire Founder’s Council is made up of vampires and psycho killers . . .

That night, Team Bad Ass, a.k.a. Alaric and Damon, attend one of those ridiculous faux-Founder’s Day parties at the Lockwood Mansion, so that they can later appear at one of those totally useless Anti-Vampire Council meetings.  While they wait, Alaric talks to Damon about how odd it is that Stefan’s gone balls out, evil, while Damon is in hero-mode, and playing house with Elena.  (You can always count on Alaric to say what everyone else is thinking . . .)

Speaking of Elena, “something’s up with [her],” Alaric confides in his bromantic buddy.

Damon smirks at this, undoubtedly imagining the way her tongue tastes.   But he reveals nothing.  Instead, he deflects, “I’m sure, whatever it is it starts with a ‘Stef’ and ends with an ‘an.'” He jokes.  (More like starts with a “DAM” and ends with an “IT’S ON!”)

Source

Crazy Nanny Carrie, er, I mean Meredith Fell then annoyingly magically appears to hit on Alaric some more, and remind us that, as a “Founding Fell,” she’s part of this Useless Council too . . .(Hey, you know who else was a Fell?  Season 1 Logan . . . the guy Damon and Alaric both killed . . . coincidence?)

Crazy Nanny continues to flirt with Alaric, and make weirdly threatening references to the fact that she still imagines throwing her ex boyfriend from high school off a bridge.  Woah, Crazy Nanny Meredith! Considering that you’re a doctor, it’s safe to say you’ve been out of high school for at least ten years.  It’s time to let go, psychopath . . .

Later, we see said ex-boyfriend and Meredith fighting about something.  The ex gets a bit rough with Meredith, and Prince Alaric comes to her rescue.  Instead of being mad at Alaric, the guy in question actually seems to pity him, even going so far as to warn him about the nutjob he’s about to start screwing.  (Clearly, this guy has watched One Tree Hill and Pretty Little Liars.)

Cause of death:  The use of too much hair product, at once . . . 

We later learn that this guy is the Town Medical Examiner, a.k.a. The Guy Who Lies and Says Residents Were Killed by Wild Dogs,  When They Were Actually Sucked Dry by Stefan Salvatore . . .

More interesting than Crazy Nanny Meredith’s fantasies of becoming Stephen King’s Carrie, and Medical Examiner Guy’s shockingly bad hair is the fact that “some British guy,” has apparently donated oodles of cash to Mystic Falls’ Founder’s Council.

Annnnd .  . . that’s how the Baddest Vampire of them All, and his Band of Strong, But Stupid, Hybrids all became honorary members of the Now Virtually 0% Human Anti-Vampire Council . . .  Would you believe that Klaus got his foot in the proverbial council door, by offering the group PROTECTION from Stefan?  Talk about the ultimate switcheroo.

To be honest, I was much less surprised that Carol Lockwood went along with her son’s new boyfriend’s plans, than I was that former vampire despiser, Lizard Forbes has suddenly gone out and bought herself a “Team Klaus” t-shirt.

Source

Is it possible that she is predicting a future romance for her Vampire Barbie daughter, and the Original Hybrid?  Stay tuned . . .

LIZ: “Bet you $20 they are boning by sweeps week.”

DAMON: “I’ll take that bet . . .” 

Speaking of Crazy!Stefan, he makes a go at killing, yet a third hybrid, upstairs in the Lockwood Mansion.  (This one, would have been another beheading . . . not very creative.  However, he is ultimately stopped by Peacekeeping!Damon.  Go figure! Damon’s passionate plea of “No dead hybrids at the Founder’s Party,” reminds me so much of Chris Rock’s “No sex in the Champagne Room,” that it makes me giggle.

Stefan, however, isn’t amused.  So, he storms off to go pee on some more proverbial trees, so as to mark his town territory, and “be the better villain,” so to speak.  And by “trees,” I mean “Elena” . . .

Meanwhile . . .

Here Lies Caroline Forbes . . .  (a.k.a. Funeral 3)

In the most morbid,  but surprisingly appropriate birthday party ever, Elena and the gang take Caroline to Fell’s tomb.  There, they decide to give her a FUNERAL . . . you know, because she’s dead . . . and stuff.  The idea, of course, is to get her to stop focusing on her OLD life of GETTING OLD, and start focusing on her NEW LIFE (which . . . is really, more or less, the same as her old one, except she occasionally drinks blood, and never ever will have to pay for Botox).

Then, Caroline proceeds to get mildly inebriated on tequila, and uses it as an excuse to drunk text Tyler.  (We’ve all been there. ;))  This prompts Elena to make a snide remark, and Bonnie to stick up for Caroline.  (AGAIN, I’m agreeing with Bonnie AGAIN!  What the heck is wrong with me?)  Apparently, liquor has loosened Bonnie’s lips enough for her to Elena what she really things of her decision to steal Jeremy’s free will, and send him away, possibly for good.

“Judging you . . . again.”

Matt gripes comedically, that all this catty girl talk is totally ruining Caroline’s kickass funeral.  So, BonBon leaves.  Enter Tyler to the tune of the song “Birthday Sex.”  (Now, THAT would have been a good soundtrack choice!)

Love Bites and Dating Dealbreakers . . .

Source

Tyler wants to talk to Caroline . . .  alone.  You see, his conversation with Klaus has taught him that he CAN, in fact say no. . .  maybe.  Of course, he’s thrilled . . . so thrilled, in fact, that he confesses his love to Caroline.  Now, they are kissing.  Now, they are humping against a tree.  Now, they are . . . BITING EACHOTHER’S NECKS????

Ruh-roh!  Apparently, some foreplay is just no longer acceptable, when you are a hybrid hooking up with a Vampire Barbie.  Caroline falls to the floor, a mixture of shock, accusation, and pain, on her face.

Gnarliest hickey ever . . . I think Tyler might need braces . . . 

To Tyler’s credit, he looks genuinely shocked at what he did.  He obeyed Klaus’ wishes after all, even though (I think) he clearly didn’t want to do so.  Now, if that ‘s not compulsion, I don’t know what is . . .

I would have liked for Tyler not to run off into the woods like a b*tch to leave Caroline dying in the forest.   But run off, he did.  In Tyler’s defense, Caroline asked him to leave.  And he DID go and get her help, which, I suspect, was also precisely what Klaus wanted him to do . . .

Meanwhile, an adorable wasted Elena and Matt tumble out of the tomb, in search of Caroline.  Just as they find her, Stefan knocks Matt unconscious, and steals Elena away, without so much as a “Happy Birthday,” to Dying Caroline.  Way to be a gentleman, ASSHAT!

Next thing we know, Stefan is speeding down the highway with a kidnapped, and super pouty, Elena.  He wants to drive her down to the bridge where they first met . . . you know, back when her parents drowned, and he rescued her?  Ahh .  . . memories.  In fact, Stefan wants to take reliving those memories all the way to the next level, by DRIVING OVER THE BRIDGE, AND DROWNING WITH ELENA . . .

Damon calls Elena for some phone sex, and is not-at-all pleased that his brother has picked up the phone.  He becomes even less pleased, when he learns what exactly Crazy!Stefan plans to do.

In an odd turn of events, Damon suddenly finds himself on the same side as Klaus.  He runs to warn his new friend, of what’s happening.  “Get rid of your hybrids, or he’s going to kill Elena,” Damon says, more or less.

“Sometimes, I wish YOU were my brother . . . you know . . . aside from the whole, leaving your siblings in coffins for 1,000’s of years . . . thing.” 

Initially, Klaus isn’t concerned.  He believes that Stefan ultimately loves Elena WAY too much to kill her.  So, therefore, he must be bluffing.  But when Klaus calls Stefan on the phone, he hears Elena’s anguished screams . . . screams which sound so very real.  Then he hears Stefan, do the one thing, that to Elena, is worse than killing her out right, he force feeds her his blood . . . the exact same action for which he attacked Damon, last season.

Now, Klaus seemed fairly certain that Stefan wouldn’t kill Elena.  But he’s much less certain he won’t turn her into a vampire, thereby making yet another Petrova Doppelganger useless as a human blood bank / hybrid making machine.  This is a HUGE deal.  After all, Klaus had to wait 500 years after Katherine turned vamp, for another opportunity to become / make hybrids.  Who knows how long he’ll have to wait next time around?

Watching Klaus cry, as he hears Elena’s screams of terror, you could almost imagine that he really does care about her, as more than  just a blood bank.  And maybe he does.  After all, Klaus has romantic history with two girls, who look exactly like Elena.  So, it’s not hard to imagine that some of that tenderness has translated over to this new doppelganger, who’s so very important to him, in so many ways.

At the last possible minute, (once Klaus agrees to get his hybrids out of Mystic Falls, of course) Stefan stops the car.  Oddly enough, despite having gone through the last few minutes with Elena, this guy seems truly confused, as to why she won’t back into the car with him.

Stefan’s speech to Elena is interesting, because it causes you to question just how much of his “No Emotions” thing, is an act, while, at the same time, illustrates just how insensitive and hard-hearted his experiences with Klaus have made him.

Source

Stefan explains to Elena that she and Damon HAD to believe that he was really going to kill her / and/ or turn her into a vampire,  to convince Klaus of the same thing.  And if all that was an act, maybe the rest of it was too.  After all, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time Stefan pretended not to care about Elena,  in order to protect her.

On the other hand, as Elena tearfully explains, Stefan traumatized her, beyond belief, by forcing her to relive the moment of her parents death.  And the fact that Stefan could make her do this, without giving so much as a thought to the mental and emotional impact it would have on her, shows him to not be the same guy with whom she fell so madly in love, a few years back.

Stefan digs the knife deeper, by telling Elena that defeating Klaus is all he has left, pointedly leaving both Damon and Elena out of that equation.  He also tells Elena that they’ve been “over,” since he left Mystic Falls, and that he doesn’t care what she thinks about him, anymore.  Of course, his facial expressions, when he says this, say otherwise.

Source 

Then, the Poopyhead drives off, leaving Elena in the middle of the road, for Damon to rescue . . . again. That’s right, boys and girls.  Stefan Salvatore is on Team Delena.  And, as awful a dude as he’s been lately, I certainly can’t fault him for that.

Speaking of Delena . . .

The Kiss Raincheck? 🙂

Throughout the hour, we’ve been waiting for Damon and Elena to address their epic liplock.  Now, fittingly enough, they get to do so, in the exact same spot, where the infamous smooch occurred.  Let’s rewatch, shall we?

I must admit, on first watch, I was disappointed that Elena rebuffed Damon’s sweet facial caresses, and soulful love eyes, with her, “You can’t kiss me again.”

Source 

I thought to myself, “Oh come on, Elena!  Stefan practically ROLLED OUT THE RED CARPET for you to give in to your desires with Damon.  Surely, you can’t be feeling guilty about it now!”

Source

But Damon’s wistful remark, about it being “right .  . . but not right now,” was true in so many ways.

Source 

It also reminded me of that little Dawson’s Creek moment, I shared with you last week.  You know, the one where Pacey told Joey that he couldn’t keep kissing her, because he’d already made his feelings known.  So, if she wanted their relationship to continue, she would have to kiss him?

In essence, I think that is what Damon and Elena are both saying to one another, here.  From Elena’s perspective, it wouldn’t be fair for her to accept another one of Damon’s mind-blowing kisses on THIS night, when her heart is so very raw, from where Stefan stamped on it.  Despite her obviously strong feelings for Damon, if she let him kiss her right now, it would be more about Stefan than it would be about Damon.  And Elena cares enough about Damon to know that he doesn’t deserve that . . .

The next time Damon and Elena kiss, it should be all about THEM, just like it was the first time.

From Damon’s perspective,  he, like a certain Pacey Witter, knows that their next kiss must be Elena-initiated.  And it needs to come at time, when Elena is finally genuinely OK with what happened between her and Stefan.  He loves and respects Elena enough to wait for that moment to come.  He’s also confident enough in her love for him, to know that it WILL come eventually . . .

Dreaming of Delena . . . 

And, if the longing look Elena gave Damon at the end of this scene, and her words to Matt at the end of the episode are any indication, that moment will probably come sooner, rather than later . . .

The Softer Side of Klaus?

Source 

Coming from a Hardcore Delena and Forwood shipper, you might be surprised to know that I found this the most fascinating moment of this episode.  It was both surprising, and, at the same time, telegraphed from the very first scene.  Most intriguing of all was the fact that Klaus’ motives for doing what he did are still not entirely certain.

Source 

On one hand, it certainly seems as though Klaus told Tyler to bite Caroline, knowing, full well that he would initially say no, and then, inadvertently end up doing it, anyway.  At first, most of us fans, probably felt that this was done to show the Scooby Gang that Klaus means business, just as the attempted murder of Jeremy did, last week.  However, on second glance, it seems more likely that Klaus only got Tyler to bite Caroline, so that he could ultimately save her.

The question is, why did he go through all this trouble to do that, for a girl with whom, up to this point, he has had little to no interaction?  Does he truly care about her as much as he seems to, in this clip?

Source 

Is it possible that Klaus feels kinship with Caroline, because both have questioned their existence, in the past?

Source 

Or maybe because she looks so much like his sister (the other Vampire Barbie), or, perhaps, like someone he once loved?  Has he coveted her all along, and merely been using Tyler to get to her?

Or, was all this merely a way, of keeping Tyler in line, by breaking him of the one person, who potentially had the power to keep him from being completely loyal?  Also, having someone, like Caroline, who is so intimately linked to Stefan’s inner circle beholden to him, certainly can’t hurt Klaus’ plans for continued Elena usage, and world domination?  The coy way, in which Klaus caresses the bracelet Tyler gave her for birthday (He ultimately gives her a much nicer, more expensive piece of jewelry, himself.) could be interpreted either way . . .

 Source

But whether you are Team Klaroline, or Team Forwood, you have to admit that these two are pretty darn sexy together . . . And here I thought death bed flirting was only hot , when Delena was doing it.  Shows, how much I know . . .

Bye, Bye Jer Bear!

After Caroline gets her bracelet, things wrap up pretty quickly.  Jeremy gets shipped off to Denver, without much fanfare.  And Bonnie, for all her complaints and hand-wringing, when it actually comes time for him to leave, merely,  hugs him goodbye.

Don’t worry, Jeremy.  You’ll be back.  The ones that don’t die ALWAYS comeback.  (Come to think of it, so do the ones that DO die . . .)

Here Lies Elena Gilbert (a.k.a. Funeral 4) . . .

We follow up this tearful Jer Bear moment, with a surprisingly sweet one between Matt and Elena on that fateful Bridge of DEATH.  Elena notes sadly that her former self might be disappointed with her current self, a girl in love with VAMPIRES (That’s right, I said “vampires” PLURAL . . .

Source

You know what that means, don’t you, DAMON?

The Matt we USED to know, would have probably agreed with Elena.  But New Matt, was much kinder, giving Old Elena a “funeral,”  so that she might be able to embrace her new crazy life, one which, though he might not fully understand, he does support,  because he  . . . wait for it  . . . wants her to be happy.

Source 

Way to go, Matt!  (I can’t believe I just typed those words . . . I must be going crazier than Stefan . . .)

Speaking of crazy . . .

Here Lies Crazy Nanny Carrie’s Victim Preppy Medical Examiner Guy . . . (a.k.a. Funeral 5)

Question: If the only Medical Examiner in town gets whacked, who gets to determine his Cause of Death? 

While Alaric proceeds to get Day Drunk with Crazy Nanny Meredith, Lizard Forbes and her once-again pal Damon go traipsing in the forest to locate yet another of Mystic Falls growing list of Dead Unimportant Characters.  This time its . . . surprise . . . Preppy Medical Examiner Guy . . . as in, the same one Crazy Nanny Meredith talked about tossing over a bridge, and the same one that Alaric publicly tussled with the night before.  He’s got a stake in his chest, the victim of one of those rare things in Mystic Falls: the HUMAN KILL.

He stole Bonnie’s nose bleed.   BASTARD! 

Do, I suspect a Crazy Nanny Meredith Murder, followed by an Alaric Saltzman frame-up, possibly to avenge the death of an odious weatherman named Logan Fell?  You bet I do!

And that was “Our Town,” in a Nutshell.  Next week, on TVD: Tyler gets chained up and naked again, Crazy Nanny Meredith shows her true colors, and Bonnie appears to be bleeding from her nasal passages again.  Hooray!  You can check out the Canadian and American trailers for this episode, entitled “The Ties that Bind,” here:

Until next time, my fellow Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]