Crimes of Fashion – A Recap of Pretty Little Liars’ “Never Letting Go”

SPENCER:  Pssst, don’t look now, but there’s a BIG GIANT ALISON HEAD behind us . . .

EMILY:  Maybe, if we ignore it, it will go away . . .

Poor “sweet” Alison!  Perhaps, if there wasn’t a memorial service for her every two episodes, people would stop trying to sabotage them . . .

Hello, my Pretties!  This week on PLL, we got to meet Alison’s Mommy, Samara’s “friend,” and a whole lot of dresses.  We also got to see how well our favorite little liars can work the Runway . . .

Ten innocent bottles of hairspray were harmed in the making of this picture.  FOR SHAME!

Also this week, no hot men took off their shirts . . .

“Oh the humanity!”

 . . . which is why I decided to do THIS for you . . .

You’re welcome!

Wipe the drool off your mouths, girls . . . because it’s time to get this Pretty Little Recap started .  . .

“It’s All Fun and Games, Until Someone Hacks Up a Hairball.”

Here’s a Riddle:  How many Pretty Little Liars does it take to fold a bunch of fashion show programs?

Answer:  Apparently, all of them.  (Because folding is . . . like . . . hard . . . or something.)

When the episode begins, the Fabulous Foursome is in Spencer’s room (at least, I think it’s Spencer’s room), preparing for the annual school fashion show / charity event / function where “A” will inevitably torture the girls, and make them wish they were never born.  As has become the norm, the girls spend the opening scenes of the episode, helpfully rehashing what happened last week, and trying to figure out who killed Alison.  Spencer reminds us, that just because Creepy Pedo Ian didn’t kill Alison on the raunchy sex tape, doesn’t mean he didn’t do it later . . .

You’re not off the hook yet, Buddy!  (Poor choice of words?)

Hanna wonders whether “A” isn’t Ali’s actual killer.  It’s interesting how, at the beginning of the series, both the girls themselves, and most PLL fans, had always ASSUMED the aforementioned premise to be true.  Then, sometime in the middle of the first season, the theory that “A” and Ali’s killer were two DIFFERENT people seemed to become commonly accepted.  Now, it seems, with Creepy Pedo Ian dead, the girls, at least, have returned to the first theory.

But, hey, who needs to talk about “boring stuff” like Ali’s killer, when we can talk about EXCITING stuff, like what kind of lip gloss Hanna was wearing when she started cleaning Caleb’s teeth with her tongue, at the end of last week’s episode?

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Apparently, she was wearing the sticky kind that tends to get hair stuck to it . . . hair like Caleb’s long luscious locks.  Aria (who’s already a little bit pissy, because, not only did Fitzy REFUSE to hug her in public, last week, he also ditched her this week to enter the PLL Lost Significant Other Vortex “attend some lame college conference”) has some choice words to say about that . . .

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*insert hacking noises here*

By the way, I don’t know about you, but, lip gloss or no lipgloss, I’ve never had the experience of hacking up hairballs from making out with guys.  Perhaps, Aria just kisses hairier men than I do!

Don’t worry, Fitzy!  I wasn’t talking about YOU . . . (See shaved tummy picture above)

Speaking of Aria’s many hairy suitors, she gets a text message from one of them, just shortly after making her hairball comment . . .

OK, here’s another question:  How many of you actually include FULL NAMES in your cell phone contacts?  I mean, I understand that Jason is a fairly common guy’s name.  So, maybe a popular girl like Aria has four or five friends named Jason.  But still, wouldn’t “Jason D” be sufficient?  Or “Jason Ali’s Bro”?  Or, my personal favorite, “Facelift Jason?”  Honestly, I’m not even sure a name like “Jason Dilaurentis” would fit in my cell phone contact list!  A name like that would probably take up MY ENTIRE SCREEN!  But, I digress . . .

Text Message Reply:  “Hello, Jason Dilaurentis.  Aria Montgomery would very much like to meet you outside in your car, so that we can discuss the fact that you are still a murder suspect, and perhaps, if we are lucky, make out.  Don’t worry, I am wearing a special lipgloss that minimizes hairball creation.”

Being sure not to tell the girls who she is meeting (They, of course, assume it’s Fitzy), Aria heads out in the dark of night to rendezvous with Facelift Jason. 

Try to forget, for a moment, that he has been eye f*&king her to near-pregnancy in every scene the two of them shared, since he got his new face.  Do you want to know why I THINK it’s obvious that Facelift Jason wants a First Class Trip inside the Montgomery Pantalones?  Let’s put it this way, he asked to meet her in secret . . . in his expensive car . . . in the middle of the night . . . just to tell her not to tell anybody about something he said to her the day before. 

“Don’t worry Facelift Jason, I’m going to keep this between you, me, “A,” and the million or so folks who watch Pretty Little Liars, every week . . .”

Wouldn’t a “Don’t tell your Big Mouth Friends that I think I may have killed my sister, while in the midst of a Drunken Rage Blackout” text message would have sufficed, in this situation?

Anyway, Facelift Jason is relieved that Aria is thankful enough to him for not ratting her bratty brother out as a Dirty Thief, to not rat him out as a Drug Addict / Potential Sister Killer.  Everybody WINS!  (Well, except Ali of course . . . who’s dead . . . and Creepy Pedo Ian, who’s also dead).

Dads Behaving Badly . . .

Talk about sending a bad message!  There are FOUR DADS on this show.  And if my theories about Spencer’s papa is correct, the ONLY one of them who has never been unfaithful to his lady love, is the one who’s too busy fighting for his country to have time to do so!

“YAY!  I WIN!”

In a scene that’s highly reminiscent of the Aria’s Parents Secretly Start Dating One Another Again storyline (BARF!), Hanna comes home to find her divorced Mommy and Daddy slowly getting eachother wasted with Martinis, and looking at one another, like they want to do it on the counter, right in front of their daughter.

“I’m so glad you guys decided to fork over the money for my therapy.  Because I am REALLY going to need a shrink, after seeing this . . .”

Some might argue that Hanna should be happy that her parents are possibly reconciling.  And yet, this jaded blonde has been around the block enough times with her Douchey Dad to have developed a healthy dose of skepticism toward his ever-evolving definition of “family.”  “What’s for dessert?”  She asks her “sperm donor” snidely.   “Or are you saving that for your new family?”

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Dysfunctional Family Land, Spencer has just finished probably having super hot sex with Abs Toby . . .

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. . . when she overhears her dad loudly arguing with someone on the phone.  Specifically, he is telling someone that he or she “clearly doesn’t have control over a certain situation, if Jason is back home.”  Cue Spencer Face!

When Spencer asks her dad about the telephone conversation, he acts suspicious enough that it prompts Spencer to dial the last number he called, after he conveniently leaves the phone on the kitchen table.  

“Do you like Scary Movies?”

Upon doing that, she quickly learns that the woman her Dad was screaming at was none other than . . . wait for it . . . Ali’s and Jasons’ Mom, Jessica DiLaurentis  . . . 

BUSTED!

Now, I’m guessing that Spencer’s POP and his Lady Friend were both using landlines to make this call, considering (1) Spencer had to press Redial to solve the mystery, instead of simply looking at the “Dialed Calls” list that is now available on pretty much every cell phone made in the last FIVE YEARS; (2) Dead Ali’s Mom conveniently stated her FULL NAME, upon picking up the phone, which means that she obviously didn’t realize that the call was coming from the Exact Same Person Who Just Called Her Moments Ago. 

*sigh*  Old People . . . they never learn . . . 😉

Now, to me, it seems pretty obvious that the “Big Secret” Spencer’s Dad and Ali’s Mom are hiding is that they had an affair at some point.  And the reason that Spencer’s Dad is so miffed about Jason returning to town is that HE KNOWS ABOUT IT, somehow.  Then again, I could be TOTALLY wrong . . .

In other Parental Unit News, Emily’s Mom is getting all weepy about missing Emily’s Dad . . .

*insert blubbering noises here*

So, Emily suggests that she go stay with him in Texas for a while, so the two can have Wild and Crazy Monkey Sex in the army barracks get “reacquainted,” while Emily finishes out the school year in Rosewood.

WOO HOO!  Parties every night at my house!  You’re all invited!”

Dressed to Kill (or Be Killed)

The next day, Spencer and Aria are talking about how suspicious Facelift Jason is acting (Actually, Spencer is talking about that.  Aria is sticking up for Facelift Jason, like it’s her JOB!  Watch out, Fitzy!), when they get a strange e-mail from Alison’s mom, inviting all four of the PLL’s to lunch . . . UH OH!

OK . . . now this may be because I’m a TOTAL NERD, but I had so much fun reading the subject headings for all of Spencer’s FAKE E-MAILS!  Someone in the production department probably had a blast coming up with these!  Here are some questions I had:  (1) Why is Melissa e-mailing Spencer for “lunch” when she (a) hates her now, because of the Ian thing, and (b) is supposedly on vacation? (2) Whose birthday is it, that Spencer is getting them cupcakes? (3) Spencer plays the flute? (4) What the heck is Albacore Design?  And why does Spencer keep making and canceling orders from them?

Cue, the most AWKWARD lunch meeting ever . . .

Only the swankiest of restaurants serve their drinks in jars of leaves . . .

Alison’s mom, who’s looking a bit looped, after her fourth Bloody Mary before noon (Hey, I’m sure it’s Happy Hour, SOMEWHERE!), is apparently STILL head of the school board, despite the fact that neither of her children have attended Rosewood Prep in at least a year.  (Maudlin much?)  She recalls depressingly how much her Dead Daughter loved the Annual Fashion show, and asks the Pretty Little Liars to dedicate a portion of the show to Alison, while each wearing dresses that the SHE picked out, before she was murdered. 

Even in death, I am still making you feel self-conscious, and not-so-subtly criticizing your taste in clothing, MWAH-HAHAHA!”

The girls (rightfully) think this is an ABSOLUTELY AWFUL IDEA.  I mean . . . we all remember what happened THE LAST TIME these four made a memorial for Ali, right?

R.I.P. Ugly Ass Memorial Fountain

But still, they have to do it.  Because, really, how can you say no to a grieving Mom?

As if the Annual Fashion Show hadn’t become frightening enough, Spencer soon learns that Annoying Mona has stolen the position of Committee Chairperson right out from under her during that whole Under Suspicion for Murdering Ali Fiasco (not to mention completely discarded the programs Spencer spent hours painstakingly FOLDING)  . . .

“We thought you were like going to jail, or something,” offers Mona, in a faux sweet voice.  “Decisions had to be made.  I made them.”

“That’s right, Mona.  I’ve never murdered anyone.  But keep talking, and that might change real fast.”

I’ve gotta say, Janel Parrish (the actress who plays Mona) is spectacular.  The way she portrays this character makes me GENUINELY want to reach into the television and wring her neck, every time she is on screen!  Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard to me.  Like Spencer, I have no idea why a fun, funny, non-annoying, girl like Hanna would ever willingly spend time with such a slimy toad.  Mona is probably the kind of girl who gets spit or worse in her food EVERY SINGLE TIME she eats at a restaurant, if you catch my drift . . .

Mona’s personal “chef”

Fortunately, for Spencer, she has Toby at her side, to prevent her from doing bodily harm to the Evil Mona . .  .

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Oh, did I mention that Mona hired her new boyfriend, Bushy Eyebrows Noel to D.J. the affair?

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Things just went from awkward .  . . to annoying . . . to dangerously creepy, in about two minutes flat . . .

Sometimes the Truth Hurts . . .

Peek-a-BOOB!

Apparently, Emily’s new girlfriend has more talents than just the ability to fangirl at swim meets, and successfully lie to parents, she’s also quite the master seamstress!  We find Samara at Emily’s house, gleefully fondling the latter’s lady parts, under the guise of fitting her in Alison’s dress  for the fashion show . . .

“Ummm . . . Samara?  My eyes are UP HERE!”

Between you and me, Samara has always struck me as being a bit insecure about the extent of Emily’s feelings for her.  Perhaps, she senses that her new girl Friday seems more than a bit hung up on her former Ex-Loves (and current PLL Vortex Inhabitants) Maya and Little Orphan Bitchy . . .

LET US OUT!  WE’VE BEEN TRAPPED IN HERE FOR MONTHS!”

So, it is not surprising to me that Samara purposefully tries to “test” Emily, by asking if she could bring a “date” with her to the fashion show.  Not wanting to seem too possessive over her “friend with benefits,” Emily reluctantly agrees, even managingto offer Samara a polite little smile, upon hearing the request . . .  (Threesome, anyone?)

Meanwhile, after hearing from her Mother that memories lost during alcoholic blackouts  can be revived with proper coaxing and psychological support (By the way, kudos to Aria’s mom for not-so-subtly copping to taking part in underage drinking, back in the day.) . . .

“To be honest, Aria, I’m still a bit hazy about the night you were conceived. .  .”

 . . . Shrink Aria meets up with Facelift Jason (who looks so much like Ali, they really could be brother and sister)  . . .

 . . .  to review the pictures of Ali they plan to use in their slideshow tribute to the Dead Girl, during the fashion show . .  .

Hey FaceliftJason, how do you expect to see the pictures, if you keep STARING LOVINGLY AT ARIA, while she’s showing them to you?

Things are going well, until Aria starts peppering Facelift Jason with questions about the night of the accident.  Once he figures out what she’s trying to do, he gets SUPER defensive, and eventually storms off.  I guess SOME memories are better off repressed . . .

“Nice going, ARIA!  You just totally blew your opportunity to have sex with me  . . . ummm . . . Well . . . actually, I’d still kind of like to have sex with you . . . if you want to have sex with me.  Do you?  WOULD YOU?  Pretty please, with a weiner on top?”

Speaking of Men in Denial, Hanna’s father refuses to cop to the fact that the REAL reason he keeps hanging around the house, is that he wants to get back into Hanna’s mom’s pants . . .

“You want relationship advice, DAD?  Did I ever tell you about the time my boyfriend was PAID to seduce me, and took my virginity in a tent outside?  Good times!”

Beauty is Painful (and, sometimes, even deadly)

“Gee, thanks a lot A!  Now our chances of becoming contestants on America’s Next Top Model are pretty much ruined!”

What started off as a fairly slow, and uneventful episode, definitely picked up the pace, during the climactic annual fashion show, where, in just minutes . .  .

 . . . Emily met the Mister to her girlfriend, Samara’s “Misses,” and became insanely jealous (which was precisely why Samara brought her along, in the first place).  This eventually, prompted Emily and Samara to have “The Talk” about the status of their relationship, and whether they should take it to the “next level.”  (Nothing was really decided, however.)

Hanna went for a liquor run, and got an eyefull of her supposedly-separated parents dry-humping on the dance floor, instead . . .

PAPA MARIN:  “Let’s make another baby . . . right here . . . while our daughter watches.”

MAMA MARIN: “Oh, Daddy!  You always DID know how to sweet talk me . . .”

“Oh, MY EYES!  I think I just went blind . . .”

*laughs maniacally*  “Mission accomplished!”

Speaking of Hanna, the uninvited Caleb decides to crash the Fashion Show, in order to support her, whether she wants to be supporte or not.  (Something tells me, Ashley won’t be the ONLY Marin girl to be getting some nookie tonight . . .)

Spencer spots her Dad fighting with Ali’s Mom again.  (Where’s SPENCER’S MOM, anyway?  On vacation with Crazy Nanny Carrie Melissa?)

Spencer is also asked by Mona — who is randomly wearing weird librarian glasses —  to deliver the Ali Tribute CD to Bushy Eyebrows Noel (a potentially important detail that we will touch upon, in just a bit) . . .

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 When Spencer hands the CD off to Bushy Eyebrows, he asks her if she wants to watch it first, to make sure it is “OK.”  Spencer says “No” . . . a decision she will undoubtedly come to regret later not that it matters, since Bushy and Mona probably would have switched the CDs at the last minute anyway, if they are, in fact, behind all this.

Meanwhile, Jason continues to have visual intercourse with Aria, even though he is supposedly still “mad at her” . . .

It’s important to practice safe eyesex, boys and girls!  You never know where else your partner has LOOKED, before you!

The fashion show begins, and our PLL girls strut their stuff, and shake their asses, down the runaway to the cheers and catcalls of a mixture of adoring parents, and potential pedophiles . . .

If The Flintstones was ever made into a porno, I’m pretty sure Betty Rubble would be wearing an outfit like Emily’s . . .

Then the music changes, and it’s time for the Ali Tribute.  The girls smile politely, as they walk out together, in the dresses that Ali herself never had the chance to showcase . . .

Cute dresses . . . but I’m not loving the hair choices . . .

Suddenly, the music gets all angry, and death metal-ly.  Then, THIS HAPPENS and, it’s really NO SUPRISE AT ALL, CONSIDERING THEY SHOWED THIS PART IN THE MUCHMUSIC PREVIEWS . . .

The whole crowd gasps audibly, as Spencer rushes to turn off the slideshow, and Ali’s mom rushes out of the room in tears . . .

(OK, now I know it’s is probably an inappropriate time to ask this, but who’s the Extra sitting next to Facelift Jason?  He’s CUTE!  Hey, Buddy, if you are reading this, Call Me!)

Once the chaos has died down, the PLL girls find themselves alone on stage, in entirely different dresses, than the ones they were wearing earlier.  (I love that Hanna is wearing the inappropriate Nikki Minaj Concert Dress she wanted to wear to Creepy Pedo Ian’s funeral!)  Of course, “A” has one final message she wants to deliver just to them  . . .

 . . . make that TWO final messages . . .

Given “A’s” passion for fashion, and b*tchy snarkery, not to mention that “my dresses” comment, it is becoming more and more apparent that “A” is a WOMAN (which is not to say that she doesn’t have a male companion by her side to do the “heavy lifting.”)  In particular, the final scene of the episode, seems to suggest that the Gloved Hand is manicured underneath the leather (more on that later) . . .

The Aftermath . . .

Understandably, the PLL girls are pretty darn eager to escape the school auditorium, after all that happened to them there.  Hanna cuts out with a wide-eyed and clearly smitten Caleb (But where’s LUCAS?) . . .

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Meanwhile, Aria is accosted by a sickeningly smug-looking Bushy Eyebrows Noel, who seems WAY TOO PLEASED WITH HIMSELF, when he hands her back the incriminating CD . . .

“Hi, my name is Bushy Eyebrows Noel.  I butcher small puppies for fun, and feed them to the hungry furry caterpillars sitting over my eyelids.”

I have to say, I cheered a bit when Facelift Jason intervened, and broke the CD with his barehands.  (On the other hand, now we might never know who tampered with the damn thing!)

“You don’t SCARE ME, EYEBROWS!  I’ve smoked blunts bigger than YOU!”

Cue the Facelift Jason / Aria Sexual Tension Moment . . .

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The pair end up leaving together in his car . . . sound familiar?

Back at home, we get three quick parental moments, in short succession.  In the first, Hanna’s dad FINALLY admits to still being in love with Hanna’s mom.  And Hanna finally accepts him back into her life . . . (Repeat after me, “AWWWW!)

“So, if your Mom’s room’s a-rockin, don’t come a-knockin”

Emily’s mom decides to go to Texas to see her husband, and, therefore, lets Emily bunk with the Marin’s for the rest of the year.  (Because, apparently, the Marin house is the equivalent to the Rosewood Homeless Teen Shelter . . . just ask Caleb!)

(This seemed like kind of a random plot point to me.  I’m thinking “Mom” landed a movie role, or TV pilot, or something . . .)

Finally, Spencer’s Dad reluctantly admits to fighting with Ali’s and Jason’s Mom, and warns Spencer to stay away from Facelift Jason so that he can’t tell her about the AFFAIR!.

Remember, how I told you that the last scene seemed to pretty strongly suggest that “A” / Gloved Hand was a woman?  Well, it begins with a closeup on an array of open fashion magazines kind of like the ones MONA might have used to create the new Fashion Show program.  Now, I don’t mean to be sexist, but how many men DO YOU KNOW that read women’s fashion magazines (Well, aside from the MALE FASHION DESIGNERS, of course)?  Gloved Hand then orders a pair of fashionable women’s boots online in Size 5.5. (very small feet!), and delivers them to an as-of-yet unknown address . . .

(By the way, have you ever tried using a laptop, while wearing gloves?  It’s IMPOSSIBLE .  . . Not to mention, it makes your hands really sweaty.)

So, which PLL girl is about to get a new pair of shoes from “A?”  Tune in next week to find out!  Until next time, My Pretties!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

11 Comments

Filed under Pretty Little Liars

11 responses to “Crimes of Fashion – A Recap of Pretty Little Liars’ “Never Letting Go”

  1. sassyfran

    Awesome recap as usual. I love that you see stuff that I miss. I never noticed the extras in the audience at all but I did see there were a lot of people LOL. Spencer and Toby outside kissing was cute and I love that Spencer is so happy at least while Melissa is off at Spa. Oh as far as Pam, Emily’s mother getting another show that so makes sense. I looked it up and she was just in three films; maybe she just needs a break LOL. Fitzy being away was a sore point with me because I think he is just using excuses to keep from coming out as Aria boyfriend. Aria deserves better I’m sure she thought Fitzy would be the grown up in their relationship but its not looking like he is going to step up at least so far. Hanna and Caleb were cute though they didn’t get much screen time together. The lack of shirtlessness didn’t stick out to me I guess those longing looks of Aria with Jason and Spencer with Toby was enough. I am not totally on the Samara train as I mentioned in my recap I may just be the suspicious type. Samara could be one of those girls that likes the shiny new toys but when they get old she throws them away. Just because she tells Emily she had a long term girlfriend before doesn’t mean its true. I really liked most of the fashion I guess it was couture or something but for the high school it was good. I didn’t think it was slow the focus was the fashion show and we spent most of the episode getting to that point for sure. Jessica Dilaurentis seems like a woman who can’t be bothered; very business like not so much motherly but it could be the grief I guess. I still don’t put anything passed anyone on the show. You know there was a point I suspected Ashley of foul play LOL yeah it was brief it was just the way she told Caleb he could call her Ashley that made me think she could have been A 🙂 Now you are one that believes Alison is really Dead? Cause why the whole idea of A when it could as easily be Alison; people fake their death I know I watch lifetime. really? Am I the only one that thinks that is a possibility especially after what was on the board; my dresses, my game, my rules!! oh well thanks for the awesomeness.

    • Hey there, sassyfran.

      I’m starting to wonder a bit about Samara, myself. (And, to think, I was all about her and Emily, back when she was first introduced!) After my recap pal 🙂 posted her Samara is a Stalker theory on this site, I couldn’t stop myself from wondering whether the girl’s seemingly sweet exterior was hiding something darker.

      It always seems like Samara trying to manipulate Emily into committing more seriously to the relationship, even after the two agreed to take things slow. When she asks questions like, “You don’t mind that I came to visit you, RIGHT?” “You REALLY want to be here with me, DON’T YOU?” “I can meet your Mom, RIGHT?” “I can rub up on my childhood friend in front of you, because we are CASUAL, OK?” There always seems to be a little prickly edge to her voice that concerns me. Maybe I’m completely wrong about this, and 🙂 just got inside my brain with her Mad Persuasion Skills. But still . . .

      The thing about Ali faking her own death, is I sort of can’t imagine a Total Attention Whore like that being capable of staying out of the spotlight for a year . . . hiding from parents and friends . . . not talking to anybody . . . or dating anyone . . . or going to parties . . . or having a boyfriend. Being completely out of the High School Social Scene would drive someone like Ali NUTS! And then, there’s the question of the body found behind the barn . . .

      As for who killed Ali, I think the PLL writers will keep the basic storyline from the books, even if they change “A.” I’m not going to mention it here, since I don’t want to spoil anything. However, the “My Dress . . . My Game . . . My Rules” comment definitely makes sense, in that context. 😉

      Oh, and I definitely felt like Mona and Noel were behind this week’s fashion sabotage. They both had the opportunity to act. And Noel was just a bit too smug about the whole thing, after it happened . . . I’m kind of hoping neither of them are “A” though, because . . . Zzzzzz. 🙂

      I’m happy to see that you enjoyed the episode. Fashion has always been a huge part of PLL. So, it makes sense that the writers would create an episode that revolves around a fashion show. I, myself, am a bit of a Fashion Noob. (My entire wardrobe can basically be found at the GAP.) Therefore, I might not be the best person to judge, in this regard.

      My main gripe with his episode, was that it seemed a bit like filler to me. In most episodes, we are left with a major clue, serious occurrence, or genuine romantic development, that changes the show, for better or worse. I kind of feel like this was an episode we could have skipped over entirely, without fans feeling like much was missing. Sure, “A” sabotaged the fashion show. But her threats weren’t that much more terrifying than stuff she’s done in the past. We didn’t learn any more about Ali’s killer, or Ian’s death, or Blind Jenna’s creepiness. Even the romantic storylines were at a standstill, save for a few more eyesex scenes between Aria and Facelift Jason.

      No worries, of course. I’m sure next week will bring us plenty more clues, shirtlessness, and romantic entanglements. And I can’t wait to discuss them all with you on both our blogs, sassyfran! 🙂

      • Hide your potential murder weapon hockey sticks, and your ugly ceramic bowls, because this next PLLL recap, will be coming your way, sometime within the next 24 hours. I’m late again, I know! *pouts* I just find I have a whole lot more to say, when I’ve had more time to process the episode. (Plus, that’s when all the good screencaps come available.) Talk to you soon, my Pretties!

  2. sassyfran

    Sorry I am refining my Alison theory to something more akin to someone who loved her dearly is doing all this stuff in her name, A. Also I believe they are more deranged than clever, maybe.

  3. Hey Eeyore! Awesome recap as always. I never stopped laughing reading it. Your recaps are seriously the first thing I wake up to every morning to have my day go on an awesome note.
    My comment this week is directed to how much I disliked this episode. All the Arson crap going on had me TICKED OFF and Ezra was AWOL.. The only part that made me necessarily laugh was either when Facelift Jason stalked off in a ticked off mood or when the tribute was ruined. Reading your recap was the only good thing about the episode. So, sorry in advance for my negativity!
    First of all, when the episode started off, I was FUMING because Jason texted Aria. If it had been Ezra, saying how he couldn’t make it to the fashion show and he was sorry, planning another time that he can see his clueless girlfriend, it would’ve been forgivable. But no! It had to be Facelift Jason, who wanted to eye goggle at Aria in his car in the middle of the night. I was ready to claw my eyes out. Strike 1, PLL. Why? You’re not making it me any easier to like the new Jason as much as I did the old if he ends up ending the reason I watch the show.
    Next! Aria feeling sympathy for Jason, when it was HIS OWN FAULT that he was wasted and/or high. So, defending him when she should be sending flirty texts to Ezra (or her Mom or anyone else besides her hot boyfriend) was just unacceptable. So, when she ticked Facelift Jason off, I was clapping, because I legit walked away to escape the torture.
    Third on my Arson hate list: All of the eye sex their having makes me throw up in my mouth. If I had been at the fashion show, I would have delivered Ezra and given him a machete, so then I wouldn’t have had to experience the torture anymore. Hurry back, Ezzy! I miss you!
    Okay, I have tried to break a disk with my bare hands before and the shatters went EVERYWHERE and I split my hand open. So, Jason coming to Aria’s rescue and breaking the disk without his hands getting cut is seriously unrealistic. In addition to this fact, I think that Mona gave the tribute to Spencer knowing what was on it. (So right about wanting to strangle her. This week, she made me even more annoyed than per usual.) He also destroyed any evidence the girl could use to trace the disk back to –A and possibly find out who their shim stalker is.
    Lastly, Aria leaving the fashion show with Facelift Jason. Why don’t the PLL writers just shove a rusty knife in my stomach? Being the diehard Ezria fan I am (More of Ezra than Aria, but still) that’s what it felt like. If Ezra and Aria ever break it off, Ezra won’t stay on the show for long. Then I will be forced to endure every week of PLL (considering I’m still watching it) without my Wish-Upon-A-Star-English-teacher (I know they have romantic episodes coming up, but I won’t be able to enjoy them until Jason is pushed off of a cliff)
    Next week, I’ll be a little late commenting because I will be without my computer. So, I’ll be visiting the Lost Vortex of Significant Others (other words all of Emily’s Love Interests of Season 1, Alex, Wren (he’ll be back in two weeks though!), Ezra (I’ll never leave without him coming with me), Lucas, and Boring as Dishwater Sean.
    See you next week!

    • Hey there, Tigger! 🙂

      Arson – LOL. I had been calling Facelift Jason and Aria the ridiculous-sounding Jaria. But this actually makes a lot more sense ;). You know, when I was watching this episode, I jus kept thinking to myself. “Oooh, Tigger is not going to like this at all!”

      I feel like the writers of the show are definitely ADD, when it comes to romantic storylines. A PLL girl will have a significant other. And the writers will write their relationship as if it’s “meant to be” and “endgame,” etc. And then, all of the sudden, they will write in a NEW significant other, and it’s as if the other person NEVER EXISTED.

      At least they BROUGHT WREN BACK for Spencer, but what about that ALEX guy? (At least, I think his name was Alex.) And what about Maya and Paige for Emily? Most shows do Love Triangles. This show does The Great Boyfriend Swap.

      That being said, since Fitzy has been the only PLL boyfriend around since Episode 1, I can’t imagine the writers would assume that the fans will just forget him, as they (wrongly) assumed we would with the others. I think PLL might get its very first Love Triangle, after all! And that can only mean more screentime for Ezria, in the future . . .Conflict generally makes for more sexual tension and intrigue in TV relationships. And hey, Ezria could become the Delena of PLL :). (Just trying to put a positive spin on things . . . which, I guess, isn’t a particularly Eeyore Thing to do, is it? ;))

      By the way, have you ever considered writing a fanfiction in which Facelift Jason mysteriously disappears? 😉 You might find it very cathartic. And, considering how many thousands of people enjoyed your first Ezria fic, I bet they would love THIS one to pieces too! No pressure, of course. Just a suggestion . . . 🙂

      I’m sorry to hear you will be without a computer this coming week. (Have a great vacation!) But I definitely look forward to talking PLL with you when you return. By then, I have no doubt that there will be plenty of solid Ezra scenes to make your Tigger Heart bounce for joy . . . 🙂

      • Funny you should mention the Jason disappearing fnafic. I actually started to write another fanfic last week (when i was without power, I HAD A LOT OF TIME ON MY HANDS) and I think that maybe later in the fanfic, I’ll have Jason come in again. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, heres the link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7179252/1/I_Do_Cherish_You
        There is a whole lot more angst and regret than fluff (though I think my flashbacks will help that case).
        Jason going missing like his little sister….I like that idea. I think I’ll work that in later on! Thanks for the good idea!

  4. :)

    Hey Kjewls! I am back 😀
    Ohh by the way the room was Emily’s…..not Spenser’s 🙂
    Did anybody think Noel was the sexist.!!!! Especially when he was DJ-ing. Anyways, great recap as usual…i showed my friends this recap this morning and they all died laughing. Complete Genius. Now it is time for my weekly hater-ade 🙂

    1) MARIN
    Mr. Marin: “Hanna i am here because i am worried about you….
    Hanna: *Hope fills her eyes*
    Mr. Marin: “Naww i am just here to screw your mom!
    Hanna: *sniff sniff* just leave. i hate u 😦
    Mr. Marin: “Whatever. I am gonna make martini’s…im gonna get mama wasted!”
    —-
    First target is Mr. Marin. I am one of those people that wants Hanna to just be pissed off to the max! I thought at first that he was sincere about trying to get on good terms with his daughter, but when he admitted that he is here to just hook up with Ashley….i had a Mercedes ohhhh Hell to the Nahhhh moment! What an awful dad.

    2) Jason versus Ezra!
    Lately ever since Jason has been having extreme eye sex…or molestation with Aria, there has been huge battle teams….Team Ezria vs. Team Arson!
    Honestly, i prefer Jason over Ezra, because he seems like my only hope for Ezra to be pushed to the vortex. (I know I am bitter, but i used to like Ezra and Aria together, but after awhile their storyline became so cliche and they were always fighting for dumb things that i became bored…so Jason for the win) Anyways, Jason is cute but the whole “I was high so i don’t remember crap” is so repetitive that it reminds me of Samara’s constant nagging line (i will get to that demon later).

    3) Mona is hilarious!
    I agree with you 1000% about Janel’s character Mona! She really makes me want to dislike her…but i can’t because she is so darn funny! her line about Spencer going to jail had me rolling :D….Speaking of funny, that flashback with Allison was hilarious! Why? Do you remember Hanna commenting on one of the dresses, and then Allison said there wasn’t enough stretch………….yes? no? Hahahahahaha i sure did! It was so mean that it was hilarious, i literally re-winded it over and over again (yeahh i know i am mean…i have an iceberg for a heart). Anyways i think i am the only person who likes Mona.

    4) I am Jealous…..Spoby Relationship!
    I really don’t have to explain myself…i mean did you see the way he was kissing her neck! *Fans myself* Oh Lord have mercy!

    5) The Devil named Samara!
    Well you already know i despise this woman so much. but i will continue my angry rant. First off, i was soo happy when Samara’s attempt to make Em jealous failed miserably. Muahahahahahaha! On the positive side: What she did for Emily was extremely nice, and maybe she is not as bad as i thought, but she is just too much. Your right Kjewls she is a little insecure but she is not Maya so i don’t like her.

    Ohh before i forget! I just realized that the bitchy but funny video was Noels idea, which means -A didn’t do crap this episode…a little disappointed 😦

    Kjewls thanks for keeping me going when it is not a Tuesday! I wish i was as funny as you! IDK how you do it! Also sorry for the long post…i have no life 🙂 I hope you keep on writing so i can keep on reading

    • :)

      Actually i take that back….i still hate Samara! She is toooooooo desperate. Ohh thanks for the shout out! It’s about time you realized how crazy the demon / -A partner she really is!

      Keep on drinking that Hater-ade because one day when Samara is all like ” Hey I am Allison’s twin, and I am trying to get to Emily because she is the easiest to crack. Suckss” I will be victorious :D….hmm? i wonder if i can make a smiley with glasses on it B) ….i hope that works! Lol byee and thanks

    • Hey there :)! Thanks so much for your awesome comment. It truly cracked me up! You’re genuinely hilarious! (And, I must say, I’m a bit jealous that I didn’t come up with some of that stuff for my recap. ;))

      By the way, if you ever want to make a happy face with sunglasses on it on this blog, it’s this: 8) . Though, I’m still not sure that works in the comment section. (I guess I will see!) Unfortunately, I learned this by accident, when I tried to post a Top Ten List here, and published it, only to find out that the top of my countdown looked like this: 10), 9), Happyface with Sunglasses, 7) . . .

      You know, now that you mention it, Hanna’s dad IS a Super Douche with a capital D! He’s like one of those kids who gets a new toy, gets it drunk on martinis, has sex with it a few times, and trades it in for something shinier. (OK . . . I think that might of been a mixed metaphor there. But you get my point. ;))

      In Papa Marin’s defense though, I will say that watching Hanna’s parents dance, was WAY less nauseating than watching Ma an Pa Montgomery eat one another’s face off in the librar,y a few weeks back. *Gag, Retch, Puke* So, um, yeah . . . they have that going for them, I guess . . .

      Speaking of kissing, even though I am TOTALLY a Wren Girl, Abs Toby can play vampire with my neck any day. 🙂 (And twice on Sunday.)

      The verdict is still out for me on Facelift Jason. On one hand, he sure is PRETTY, and looks so much like the actress who plays Alison, that I don’t understand why they didn’t just cast him in the role in the first place, rather than doing the old switcheroo. And as you might have noticed from my recaps, I’m certainly not someone who is immune to Eye Sex and Shirtlessness. (I’m only human after all!)

      It’s just that, aside from the fact that he clearly wants to jump her bones, and used to be inappropriately turned on by her pink hair, when she was thirteen, I don’t yet see a genuine connection yet between Mr. Facelift and Aria, in terms of their personalities.

      Let’s see . . . Spencer and Abs Toby are smart, both love Scrabble enjoy sexy vampire neck kisses, and have batshit crazy sisters that their parents seem to like better than them, for whatever reason. Hanna and Caleb are both snarky, enjoy stealing in their spare time, have abandonment issues, seem to prefer sex in “unique” places (the shower, the tent, the doorway of Mom’s house . . .), and have really awesome hair. Emily and Samara . . . well, I’ll get back to that one. And Aria and Fitzy, goopy as their relationship can sometimes be, have that wide-eyed,”sensitive poet” thing going on.

      I’m not sure what Aria and Facelift Jason have in common, aside from having a relationship with Dead Girl, and a mutual secret desire to screw eachother’s brains oout. Until I know what makes their relationship “interesting,” I can’t really commit to the ship. That being said, I can’t WAIT to see the inevitable Drunk and High Facelift Jason Flashback we are sure to get later on this season. Wasted people on TV are hilarious (especially, the hot ones)!

      LOL about Samara. You definitely have succeeded in giving me doubts about her. But I was never necessarily on Team Maya, and I REALLY wasn’t a Team Little Orphan B*tchy. So, I’m still not sure what I want to see happen with Emily and this relationship. (To be honest, I kind of liked her with Abs Toby, which I know is VERY WRONG of me *slaps self on the wrist*) I just hope Samara doesn’t end up burning Emily’s pet bunnies in the stove, Fatal Attraction-style. (Not that Emily actually has pet bunnies, but still . . .)

      Interesting theory about Bushy Eyebrows Noel (and Mona?) not necessarily being “A,” but sabotaging the fashion show, anyway. On one hand, it would be a bit of a cop out on the writers’ part to do that (just like when LUCAS destroyed the fountain). On the OTHER hand, however, it would show that Bushy KNOWS enough about “A” to impersonate her (or him), since the letter at the end of the night was definitely an “A” letter . . .

      I guess we will have to wait and see! Thanks again for talking PLL with me. And happy Sunday! 🙂

  5. :)

    8) ….i think i did it! Thanks

    By the way! I wanted Toby with Emily too, but when she turned out gay Toby was out of the question…too bad for Emily because Spencer is getting the good stuff now 😀
    And you are TOTALLY right! I would rather have the Marin’s than the Montgomery’s …eww Chad Lowe is not what you would call Mr. Rico Suave.

    Ohh and your metaphor about the toys was on point…i have this friend whose brother is at that age where he wants to screw EVERYTHING!!! See he had this piggy bank… the ones with the hole on the bottom…hopefully u get the picture of what I’m saying. Lol kids these days, i blame the television for taking away all those good 90’s cartoons, and forcing kids to watching puppets! ….yet the TV is no child’s babysitter.

    Speaking of baby, is Melissa keeping her? IDK if that was answered!
    Thanks and is Happy Sunday a Canadian holiday, because i have never heard of that phrase or were you just wishing me a good Sunday?!?!?!….i’m serious lol 8) yayyyyy

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