It’s the Derek and Stiles Show! – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s “Wolf’s Bane”

There’s nothing like a good old-fashioned physically abusive bromance to get your motor running on a weeknight, am I right?  Just so you know, MTV, I would ABSOLUTELY watch a sitcom in which these two did nothing but wall slam eachother, hit eachother in the heads with various objects, and throw pies in one another’s faces . . . provided, they did it shirtless, of course. 

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Believe it or not, Blatant Homoeroticism and Bromantic Buddy Cop Comedy Antics, were not the ONLY things “Wolf’s Bane” had going for it.   There was also a lot of partial male nudity.  This episode was jam-packed with nail-biting chase scenes, intense wolfed-out battle blowouts, drippy Allison and Scott melodrama, creepy dream sequences, countless plot-twisty reveals, and the most unintentionally erotic description of sex ever told by a sociopathic wolf wannabe.  Did I mention that they FINALLY TOLD US WHO THE FRIGGIN’ ALPHA WAS?

And to my pleasant surprise, it ended up being someone who nearly NOBODY had guessed . . .

So, what are we waiting for, Werebangers?  Take off your shirt, and call yourself “Miguel,” because it’s time to FIND THE ALPHA!

RUN, DEREK, RUN!

(Can I just say that I very much approve of the producer’s fairly recent decision to make Derek look less wolfy, and more vampire-y.  I know, I know . . . he’s not SUPPOSED to be a vampire.  So, technically, I should be upset about this.  But REALLY, wouldn’t most of you prefer the picture above to THIS?

Just sayin’)

So, considering what Derek Hale looks like, it’s not much of a surprise that people always seem to be chasing him down, because they want to eat him, lick him, or pop him in the ass (with a “gun”) . . .

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It all started with that Creepy Emo Chemistry Teacher who (randomly gave his students an economics test last week) everyone seemed to think was the Alpha, because in shows like these, the Bad Guys always seem to be the ones wearing the bad suits and nerdy glasses . . .

“Who has two hands, and looks like the serial rapist in every Lifetime movie ever created?  THIS GUY!” 

So, when the Alpha paid HIM a visit at the school late at night, you could almost hear the collective shocked gasps of Werebangers across the world . . .

“What slimy hands you have?”

“The better to finger you with, Professor Emo!” 

“HOLY CRAP!  Creepy Emo Chemistry Teacher is not the Alpha.  Everything I thought I knew about Life is WRONG!”

Not only is Creepy Emo Chemistry Teacher (a.k.a. “Professor Emo”) NOT the Alpha . . . the Alpha also doesn’t seem particularly fond of the guy.  Perhaps, this has something to do with the fact that Professor Emo, indirectly, made Alpha look like THIS . . .

Now, here’s a guy who should REALLY consider keeping his shirt ON! 

More on exactly how he DID that later . . . the important thing is that Professor Emo looks like he’s about to become an Alpha Chew Toy.  That is, of course, until DEREK JUMPS IN AND SAVES THE DAY!

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“My HERO!”

Unfortunately for Professor Emo, he misses out on the opportunity to give Derek a Big Ole Bear Hug for the whole “Saving His Life Thing.”

“Would it be too forward of me to lick your ear, right now?” 

Because, moments after Emo Man is pushed out of harms way, the lights in the school pop on, and suddenly the place is crawling with Stiles’ Dad cops.

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Now Derek is on foot.  And though I’m screaming at my television that he would be able to run much faster, without those pesky clothes weighing him down, he doesn’t listen . . .

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Cops and Alphas aren’t the only ones who want a piece of Derek tonight.  A pack of RABID ATTACK DOGS are also on his tail .  . .

But, of course, all Derek has to do is smile at them, and the Big Bad Dogs all go scampering away like giggly school girls.  Less easily wooed are the Argents, who are trailing Derek in their cars, and on land, respectively . . .

“Hi, is this the phone sex hotline?  I’m looking for someone who sounds REALLY young, and likes to be licked.”

“Oooh, my stomach is killing me!  I really shouldn’t have had those beans for dinner on a Derek Hunting Night!” 

They are also undoubtedly wondering why, if Derek is on foot, his car seems to be on the highway, DRIVING ITSELF!  Welllll . . . not exactly. Cruising down the highway at warp grandpa speed are Scott and Stiles, who will be functioning as Derek’s getaway drivers, this evening .  . .

By the way, was I the only one who was hoping Derek would give Scott just a TEENSY bit of a harder time about the whole “accusing him of being a serial killer” thing?  I mean .  . . sure . . . today he’s Mr. Chauffeur, but who’s fault is it that Derek is on the run from the cops, anyway? RIGHT?

And when Scott responds to Derek’s WAY TOO TAME snarky comment about the situation, by whining, “Can’t we just get over that already,” I want to PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!  (Get over it “already?”  Really?  Because, where I come from, this happened TWO EPISODES AGO, a.k.a TWO DAYS AGO, in Teen Wolf time.)  And nobody’s memory is that short . . . except for, perhaps Douchebag Wolves who make out with their best friend’s crushes.

In fact, oddly enough, when Derek wants to share pertinent information about the possible identity of the Alpha, it’s STILES he doesn’t trust to keep a secret . . . not Benedict ARNWOLF in the driver’s seat . . .

In Derek’s defense, Stiles’ “I’m really a daddy’s boy at heart” comment, that the police were just “doing their job” by trying to KILL DEREK, did seem to have a whiff of NARC, beneath the surface, didn’t it?

Nevertheless, Derek eventually shares THREE pertinent clues with the Scott and Stiles duo:

(1) The Alpha is somehow connected to Professor Emo (but he is not the Alpha);

(2) Laura Hale . . .

Isn’t she pretty? 

 . . . saw Professor Emo shortly before she died, when she was asking him questions about a list of individuals, a list that seemingly contained his ENTIRE FAMILY . . .

(3) on Professor Emo’s desk there was a drawn image that looks EXACTLY like the Ugly Ass necklace Allison wears on her neck . . .

Scott, of course, begins to have a major “O” at the mere mention of Allison’s name . . .

Meanwhile, at the hospital . . .

Dig a Little Deeper (Barf a Little Harder) . . .

“Almost finished . . . this is shaping up to be the best ‘I Heart Derek Hale’ tattoo I have ever created.” 

Poor Jackson!  I mean . . .  SURE!  He’s a girlfriend stealing, insecure, bullying slime bucket, of the highest order.  But . . . really, does anyone aside from maybe Hitler deserve to have claws come out of his mouth, and obscure blue flowery plants (with SUPER LONG STEMS) emerge from his neckhole?  I think NOT . . .  Of course, all this ultimately ended up being a dream.  Dr. Frankenstein wasn’t REALLY using some massively LARGE metal instrument to painstakingly pull flowers out of Jackson.   (Euphemism for SEX?)

Come on, DOC!  Aren’t we being a little over-zealous here?  I’ve seen medieval torture devices that look more humane than THAT?

But that didn’t make the experience any less dramatic .  . .

That is NOT a happy face . . . 

Three things about this dream sequence that made me want to vomit in my mouth I found particularly interesting are:

(1)  in it, Jackson admitted to having nightmares about the Hale fire, ever since he was scratched;

(2) even in the dream, the substance coming out of Jackson’s neck, was VERY CLEARLY the same substance to which he had developed an “allergic reaction,” despite the fact that, at that point, Jackson had NO WAY OF KNOWING what was wrong with him; and

(3) at the end of the dream, Dr. Frankenstein morphed into Derek Hale, a.k.a. the extremely hot guy who fingered scratched him.

“Please, Honey!  Be gentle!  I’ve only done this once with Danny, and I was very, very drunk at the time never done this before.”

Seeing this, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the True Blood concept, whereby, if you drink someone’s blood, you naturally become sexually attracted to them, and have sex dreams about them, for as long as said blood lingers in your system.  Could, perhaps, the same thing be said for werewolf scratches?  (And, if so, how do I go about getting myself one?)

“Has anyone ever told you, you have beautiful eyes?” 

Eventually, Jackson wakes up from his not-so-sweet dream, to hear the Doctor tell him that nothing is wrong with his non-healing scars, except for the fact that they seem to suggest that he is suffering from . . . wait for it . . . wolfsbane poisoning . . . as in, you know, the stuff that MAKES WOLVES horny for Derek Hale WEAK?

“So, this ‘wolfsbane poisoning,’ it doesn’t have, like, sexual side effects, does it?” 

This, of course, raises another host of questions.  Why is Jackson reacting so oddly to the wolfsbane, if he is HUMAN?  Is it, perhaps, because he has a “little bit of wolf” in him, already?  And what about Derek . . . why would a WEREWOLF have wolfsbane on his claws?  Is it a substance wolves’ bodies create naturally to protect themselves from other wolf predators?  Or did Derek have wolfsbane on his nails, simply because Auntie Kate had shot him full of the stuff, in the previous episode?

Clearly, Jackson is curious about this too, since, immediately upon finishing his meeting with the doctor, the Douchebag shamelessly hits on Scott’s mom, so that she will leave, and stupidly allow him to use her work computer.

“Hey Mama McCall!   Do you know what my FAVORITE movie is?  The Graduate.   Hint, hint, wink, wink.” 

When Jackson does, he looks up wolfsbane .  . .

 Google and Bing would NOT approve . . .

. . . and has an EPIPHANY!

He now knows EXACTLY what Scott is . . .

Sniffing Magic Fairydust in the Moonlight (and other things Jackson would like to do with Scott) . . .

At school, Stiles tells Scott that he has to somehow get Allison to give him her Ugly Ass Necklace, so that Stiles and Derek can use it as a sex toy investigate what the heck it has to do with Derek’s sister’s murder.

“Hey buddy?   How about a hug?  My life is going to be in mortal danger again, in about twenty minutes, and it’s all because of YOU!” 

 However Scott is WAY TOO preoccupied with thinking of Allison wet and naked, to be able to concentrate on the matter at hand.  (What else is new?)  By the time Scott arrives at his locker, Stalker Jackson is already waiting for him . . .


“Hey Buddy!  How about sharing some of that sexy wolf mojo, you’ve got going on!”

So eager is Jackson to inherit some of Scott’s Mad Lacrosse-Playing Wolf Skills, that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to become a werewolf.  This includes getting bitten .  . . getting scratched . . . and sniffing magic fairydust in the moonlight . .  .

Uh, yeah, Jackson?  I don’t actually think sniffing fairydust with the wolfpack in the moonlight is actually part of traditional werewolf lore.  That just might be a personal fantasy of yours.  Anywhoo, Jackson basically threatens Scott that if he DOESN’T make him a wolf, the douchemeister will tell Allison what he is, and make her hate him FOREVER!

 YIPPPEEEE!  WOOOOHOO!  YEAAH!   OHHH NOOO!  NOT THAT!  Who would give us those goopy love montages those romantic walks in the forest, if not for “Barbie Dream Couple,” Scott and Allison?

(By the way, Scott tells Jackson that in order to be transformed into a werewolf, an ALPHA needs to bite you.  I’m not 100% sure that’s true.  But more on that later . . .)

Sexting for Dummies . . .

Oh Scott!  You really are a COMPLETE MORON, when it comes to women, aren’t you?  What on EARTH made you think that the way to get Allison to love you again, and give you her Ugly Ass Necklace, was to send her pictures of you two MAKING OUT?

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And, while we are at it, Scott, what PERV took these pictures with your cell phone?  Because it sure wasn’t you or Allison! 

You know what PICTURE might have been more effective, Scott?  THIS ONE . . .

 . . . or THIS ONE . .

 . . . or THIS ONE (if you cropped your MOM out of it) . . .

Just trying to help . . .

Anyway, we are treated to some DRAMATICALLY HEARTBREAKING MUSIC as a tearful Allison RUSHES FROM THE CLASSROOM, in anguish, over the traumatizing sexts her werewolf ex-boyfriend sent her . . .

“I thought you’d at least have the decency to send me a picture of your weiner!  Don’t you care about me AT ALL?”

She wonders whether Scott was trying to “hurt her” by sending her those “painful memories.”  She’s going to need “some time,” before she can “work back to being Scott’s friend.”  (Uh, Sweetie Pie, I hate to break this to you.  But you were NEVER Scott’s friend.  You came . .  .  you saw . . . you screwed.  So, don’t be expecting that you two will be painting one another’s toenails at a slumber party, any time soon.  Mmmm ‘kay?)

“I Bet She’s a Screamer”

She sure looks like a screamer, in THIS picture! 

So, here are Scott and Stiles just minding their business a lunch . . . (Stiles is gorging on the fried finger food, as per usual . . .)

Now, clearly, this is a guy who never met something he didn’t want to shove in his mouth.  I can work with that . . .

All of the sudden, Jackson is eye-f*&king the pair hardcore, from across the lunchroom.  He’s also seductively eating his apple, and describing, in VERY graphic detail, all the sexual things he’s going to do to Allison, if Scott doesn’t help him become a wolf.  Though he’s halfway across the room, Scott can hear him speaking, as if he is whispering sweet nothings in his ear.  Jackson’s clearly done his research, and knows this.  And yet, since Scott’s supersonic hearing ability seems to be a tad on the selective side, I can’t help but wonder whether Jackson’s “wolfy connection” to Scott is what actually enables him to accomplish this feat.

But more on THAT later . . .

I have to admit, that as much as Jackson SUCKS SERIOUS ASS, I thought this scene was pretty hot.  The camera man focused on Jackson’s Angelina Jolie lips the entire time he was describing the way his hands were going to fondle Allison.  It was as erotic, as it was disturbing, and, I suspect, intentionally so  . . .

Scott tried to get his mind off things, by having the usually verbose Stiles distract him.  But alas, Stiles was a tad too distracted by his tater tots and the massive size of Jackson’s lips to be much help . . .

“Seriously?  Do you think he injects collagen in those things?”

Jackson’s goading of Scott affects the Teen Wolf so intensely, that he very nearly wolfs out right there in the cafeteria.  In fact, I’m pretty sure he manages to break his lunch tray, with his bare hands . . .

Oh, and I almost forgot Scott and Stiles decide that Scott should STEAL Allison’s necklace, since there is no chance in hell that she will give it to him, now . . .

Sink or Swim . . .

“So, all that stuff they say about shrinkage . . . is that true?” 

Honestly, I’m not sure what kind of wacked out school these guys go to, that they can randomly take a dip in the pool by themselves in the middle of the day, while a bunch of other students look on, boredly.  Nevertheless, here are Jackson and Allison swimming slower than my grandma “racing” eachother across the Olympic-size swimming pool, while Scott looks on enviously, and digs through Allison’s bag for the ever-elusive Ugly Ass Necklace.

I mean, seriously Jackson, I genuinely thought you had game, with all that great 1-900 Sex Talk you were giving Scott earlier.  But, here you are racing a woman in the pool, and — of all strokes — you choose the BREASTSTROKE, a.k.a. the least manly looking swim stroke of ALL TIME?  What gives, Dude?

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Yeah . . . go ahead . . . eat your apple.  It’s not going to change how I feel . . . that much.

That being said, it’s becoming increasingly clear to me that Jackson doesn’t really give two craps about Allison.  This whole goopy lovesick puppy act is all for Scott’s benefit, which is . . . interesting.

Speaking of girls Jackson isn’t really interested in, he dumps Lydia . . . by TEXT MESSAGE.

The Poor Girl is so far inside Scott’s jockstrap clueless about the nature of attraction that she hasn’t noticed that the writing has been on the wall for the end of this relationship, since the Pilot episode.  In fact, when she receives Jackson’s “Please drop off my housekey at your earliest convenience, as we are no longer dating.”  (Beautifully written . . . Jackson’s English teacher would be so proud.) text message, she automatically assumes its a joke, despite the fact that Jackson failed to include a “HaHa” at the end.  (Personally, I’ve always been more of an “LOL” girl myself.  I also use “JK”  under special circumstances).

Jackson callously tells a stunned Lydia that he is making some “changes” in his life.  Apparently, this includes dropping some “dead weight.”  And Jackson feels she is “the deadest.”

Now, whatever your feelings are about Lydia, you have to admit, that was pretty darn harsh.  (And you have to wonder whether the reference to Lydia as “dead” was meant to function as foreshadowing of some sort.)

ALSO . . . umm Jackson . . . how exactly is being a werewolf going to improve your dating life?  Are you expecting to start dating only poodles, now?

Don’t you worry, Red . . . you’ll get back on that horse again . . .

AHEM!

And now for my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE part of this episode . . .

Derek Hale – Fashionplate Extraordinaire

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We all know how much Derek Hale likes to sneak up on people.  However, so far in the series “people” has been relegated to just “Scott.”  So,  you could imagine my pleasant surprise when Derek pays a surprise visit to my OTHER favorite character on this show . . .

“Uh oh!  Derek’s here.  I guess I should minimize my porn now . . .” 

Stiles screams out Derek’s name, rather loudly from the bedroom.  And Derek, who’s supersonic wolf hearing has informed him that Papa Stiles is outside the door, figures that Papa might have some question about THAT . . . So, Derek puts his foot down, and forces Stiles to confront his Proud Papa . . .

Awkwardness ensues in the hallway, as the manly Papa Stiles attempts to express how proud he is of his son for making the First Line in the school lacrosse game, based on a schoolwide outbreak of monkeypox, or something.   Between these two non-emotional men, I think the word “proud” is thrown out about 10 times, before the seemingly interminable conversation ends with a SURPRISINGLY INTENSE HUG . . .

I’m kind of loving Stiles’ dad, right now.  If anything happens to him on this show, HEADS WILL ROLL!

Then Stiles returns to where he belongs . . . up against Derek Hale’s manly chest.  I think I smell a TVD-inspired Wall Slam, coming on . . .

Is it just me, or is Derek’s hair looking particularly POOFY, today?

Though Derek clearly tries to manhandle and intimidate Stiles, our scrappy little hero is clearly able to hold his own.  After all, HE’S holding all the cards.  “Hey Dad, Derek Hale is in my room.  Bring guns!”  Stiles threatens.  “As long as I am harboring your fugitive ass, it’s my house, my rules.”

YOU GO, BOY!

At least, we have no solved the mystery of where Derek has been hiding out all this time . . .

As it turns out, while Scott is stealing the Ugly Ass Necklace, Stiles has a little project of his own to solve.  He wants to trace the faux-Scott text message to Allison from “The School Night” episode to its source.  And he knows just the guy to do it.  Apparently, our good pal, Danny, was quite the little hacker at age 13, and has a criminal record for overriding cell phone security.  (I’m liking him, already!)

Unfortunately, Danny still believes that he only came to Stiles’ house for sex to study, and he is not interested in Stiles’ illegal hacking assignment.  And so, Stiles must resort to more creative methods of persuasion to get Danny to comply with his wishes.  Fortunately, “cousin Miguel” is around to help . . .

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So, apparently, Derek Hale’s La Casa de Old and Decrepit is lacking in the fundamentals, like say, indoor plumbing and running water.  This would explain why Derek is forced to wear a bloody shirt around Stiles’ house.  Danny, of course, notices right away, which gives Stiles an idea . . .

He starts insisting that Derek put on one of HIS (Stiles’ shirts) knowing full well, that none of them will fit.  The result is an AMAZINGLY HOT, and hilarious fashion show, during which an adorably grouchy Derek (or should I say “Miguel”), alternates between blessed shirtlessness, and uber tight-shirted bliss .  . .  And YES I have “visual aids for you to enjoy . . .


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(Honestly, I can’t imagine Stiles actually wearing this shirt.  Can you?)

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You’re welcome, DANNY (and Stiles)!

Then Stiles makes a comment like, “I know you play for a different team, but you still play ball, don’t you, Danny Boy?”

WOAH!  Did Stiles just offer up Derek for SEX?  I could have sworn that’s what that line intimated.  Because, suddenly, Danny is (approvingly) telling Stiles what a horrible person he is.  (Hey, it could have been worse, Danny.  He could have asked you, if you thought he was attractive for the 85,000th time.)  Horrible person or not, Danny is suddenly VERRRRY EAGER to help Derek find a pair of too tight underwear to match that too tight shirt Stiles with his little phone project.  Seemingly, within seconds the call is traced . . . to Scott’s Mom’s computer at the hospital?

Apparently, Jackson’s not the only guy who’s been able to pull Mommy McCall away from her “work.”  SLUT! 

Seriously, this kid NEVER EVER CLOSES HIS MOUTH.  I LOVE IT! 

The Argents are CRAAAAZY . . . Nuff Said . . .

We are then treated to a rather nauseating (in my opinion, anyway) scene in which Scott once again sneaks into Allison’s room (Girlfriend, shouldn’t really consider investing in a lock for that window.  Don’t you think?) to steal the Ugly Ass Necklace.  Before he can find it, however, he finds an old receipt Allison kept from the pair’s first bowling date.  Cue the Slit-Your-Wrist Emo Music!

Almost TWENTY BUCKS?  Kind of a ripoff, don’t you think?

“Wahhh!  Allison has such neat handwriting.  Why can’t I have handwriting like that?”

Fortunately, we aren’t subjected to this goopy maudlin “young love is hard” crap for long, because, eventually Scott finds the Ugly Ass Necklace, right next to an old book on werewolves Allison has apparently been researching.  Or, perhaps, should I say, “Loup Garous?”


So, of course, the minute Scott sneaks out of Allison’s bedroom, he HAS to run into Papa Argent, right on her lawn, right?

“We REALLY have to stop meeting like this, PSYCHO STALKER!” 

Why does it seem like nobody EVER wants to hang out with the adult Argents unless they are cornering them, and practically dragging them kicking and screaming into their “Friendship Circle.”  Once in the house, Papa A once again starts plying Scott with alcohol (which would actually be cool, since wolf Scott is incapable of getting drunk, and could, therefore drink Papa A under the table).  He apologizes to Scott for being aggressive with him, and expresses sympathy over the Salison breakup.

Papa’s candor with the teen he BARELY knows is a cross between genuine concern, and disturbing creepiness.  Throughout the entire uncomfortable conversation, I just keep waiting for the guy to tie Scott up, rip off his clothing and lock him in the basement, next to all the guns . . .

Papa interrogates Scott about how well he knows supposed Big Bad Serial Killer Derek and blah, blah, blah.  We’ll back to them later.  For now, let’s go visit MORON Allison.  Our favorite A+ student has, apparently decided that, even though there are wild animals and serial killers on the loose, it’s a perfectly fabulous idea to go out running alone in the “picturesque” woods where the Blair Witch Project was probably filmed.

“Hi, my name is Allison Argent.  Do you like the sign on my back?  It says :”Please murder me, and bury my body under a nice tall tree.”

 As if that wasn’t bad enough, Little Miss Death wish then decides to go wandering around the suspected murderers burnt up house, so that she can explore all the suspicious -looking claw marks on the floor. (Come to think of it, this is EXACTLY how The Blair Witch Project ended.)  Auntie Kate the crazy cougar sex pot / obvious arsonist /  Hale fale murderer follows her niece there, supposedly to “keep her safe” or whatever.

 When Allison wonders out loud what would make a hot dude like Derek become a psychotic killer, Katiepoo gets quite a bit defensive, arguing that “You don’t have to be psychotic to be a murderer . . . you just have to have  a ‘reason’, but even then, sometimes, you can surprise yourself.”  (In other words, “Yes, I burned down this house, and killed all the Hales in it, because I was raised to hate werewolves, but also because I secretly get turned on by watching things DIE!”)

“My precious!” 

As Auntie Kate tells her tale of how some serial killers are really just nice people, who are misunderstood, she fondles the wall of Derek’s house, like she wants to hump it.   (Sidenote / Speculation: The writers seem to have made it SO obvious that Kate was the one responsible for the Hale fire, that I can’t help but wonder whether this is a MAJOR red herring, and that someone else, like Allison’s MOM for example, is actually the one who lit the final match.  Just wondering. . .  )

Then Allison gets all weepy for the 225,000th time this episode, and whines to Kate about how weak she feels because she doesn’t know how to battle a serial killer.  Katiepoo promises that if Allison is patient she will make her drink the Kool Aid and become a bat-sh*t crazy Werewolf Hunter, just like everyone else in her family give her everything she is seeking . . .

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s “nice” that Allison has decided that she wants to learn how to defend herself.  However, there was something about the sneakly little smirk Auntie Kate gave the camera at the end of this scene that just didn’t sit well with me. It seems pretty obvious that Katiepoo has some very SELFISH reasons for wanting Allison to be trained in the art of werewolf hunting . . .

Speaking of whiny, whiners, who like to whine . . .

Scott is conveniently boo hooing to Papa Argent about how EVERYTHING he has done, since he met Allison, has been to keep her safe except for, you know, those times he tried to kill her . . .  and the time he made out with Lydia . . . and the time he left her for dead, while he did the horizontal  mambo with the Alpha, when Allison appears in the doorway, and (SURPRISE!) hears exactly the right part of the conversation.  Well, played, Scotty Boy!

Revelations of ALPHA importance!

I’m not exactly sure how he figured it out, but somehow Stiles’ Super Cool Daddio connected Professor Emo to the Hale fire.  When Papa confronts him with this information, Professor Emo explains how some Hot Chick (Kate) found him in the bar, and plied him with liquor and promises of sex, until he told her how to make the scientific concoctions necessary to burn down a home, and hide dead bodies.  Apparently, this conversation occurred just a few weeks before the Hale house burned down.  (The important question, of course, is: Did Kate and Professor Emo bump uglies?)

“Come on, Officer!  Cut me some slack.   Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get laid, when you look like the serial killer from a Lifetime movie?”

In hindsight, it’s kind of unfortunate that our main characters weren’t made privy to this conversation, as it actually fills in a lot of previously mined plot holes.  And because this recap is getting longer than I wanted it to be, I will just go ahead and list them here:

(1) We now know why, at the beginning of the episode, the Alpha blamed Professor Emo for what happened to him in the Hale family fire.

(2) We now know that Laura Hale came to Emo MAN prior to her death, because she somehow figured out that someone with Professor Emo’s last name (“Harris” not “Emo”) was the one who gave the arsonist the “tools” to set the fire.  And she figured that HE would be able to lead her to her family’s murderer.

(3) We know that the Arsonist (probably Kate, but maybe Allison’s mom) was an Argent, since she was wearing the infamous Ugly Ass Necklace that Allison now owns . . .

And now for the REAL juicy stuff . . . upon getting the news that the Alpha is probably hiding out at Beacon Hills Hospital, where Scott’s mom works, Stiles and his new boyfriend “Miguel” erp . . . I mean Derek drive over there to investigate.  Unfortunately, Stiles is currently missing what will, most likely, be his ONLY chance to play first lacrosse, which makes me sad, both for him and his dad.

But you know what’s NOT sad .  . . what’s in fact, HILARIOUSLY funny?  THIS . . .

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Yeah . . . apparently Derek wasn’t too cool on Stiles pimping him out to Danny, in exchange for some cell phone information.  Fortunately, Stiles seems to have a very bouncy skull, and will probably be just fine.  (He’ll have a killer headache, tomorrow though!)

To be honest, I’m not 100% sure why Derek made Stiles go into the hospital BY HIMSELF, knowing that there was a pretty good possibility that the Alpha was in there . . .

Like a lamb heading to slaughter . . . 

In fact, all it takes is for Stiles to report to Derek via telephone that Derek’s “invalid” uncle is no longer in his room, despite his having supposedly not left his CHAIR for ten years, for Derek to figure out EXACTLY who the Alpha is . . . And in about three seconds we will know too . . .

You know, I gotta say, as far as having a “good cover” for being a serial killer, pretending to be a vegetable for ten years, is about as ambitious as they come!  Color me impressed!  But Uncle Alpha didn’t get where he is today, by being a lone wolf, he had at least one accomplice . . .

As of now, I’m not quite sure what the nurse has to do with all this.  Currently, my guess is she was either boning the Alpha, or she’s part of his pack.  Perhaps, both.  But to be honest, I’m more worried about Stiles right now . . . and he’s, rightfully, more worried about himself than he is about solving the Mystery of the Alpha for his Scooby Gang pals.

Source

But worry not, Stiles!  Because Derek Hale is here to rescue YOU!

Source

Now, that’s HOT! 

Unfortunately, for Derek,  he’s really no match for the Alpha, as we learned that time when said Alpha GUTTED LIKE A FISH!

Ahh!  Memories! 

So, eventually Derek is temporarily incapacitated, and we come to that annoying, but necessary, part of every story, where the villain monologues for his prospective victims, and tells them all his secrets . . .

The Alpha’s first secret?  He FAKED HIS UGLY FACE (either that or he has the coolest Plastic Surgery Mirror EVER)!

Here’s another interesting Alpha tidbit.  Remember when Derek visited his fake invalid uncle in the hospital, and asked him if anyone else got out of the fire alive that could potentially be the Alpha?  Remember how Fake Invalid Uncle raised his finger?  Well, apparently, he was POINTING AT HIMSELF!

That Alpha . . . what a FUNNY GUY!

But, for me, the most interesting tidbit was THIS . . . Uncle Alpha BECAME an Alpha by killing the original Alpha, also known as . . . wait for it . . . Laura Hale.

My Alpha . . . how you’ve changed! 

And it was the act of becoming an Alpha that healed his wounds (and also made him nuts).  Why this is pertinent, of course, is that it pretty much debunks Derek’s theory that Scott could cure his own werewolfism by killing the Alpha.  In fact, if Scott kills Uncle Fake Invalid, he will become an EVEN BIGGER ASSHAT WOLF than he is now.  But . . . and here’s the kicker . . . so will DEREK, if HE kills his uncle . . .  which he may very well do in the upcoming episode . . .

My sentiments exactly  . . .

On a lighter note, Derek was also wrong about something else . . . he and Scott ARE definitely part of the same pack.  (All together now . . . AWWW!)

Speaking of pack members, we actually learned some important things on the boring lacrosse field too . . .  Wanna hear them?

Well too bad, because here they come . . .

(1) Contrary to popular belief, there IS, in fact, a “ME” in “Team” . . .

 (2) The Argents are werewolf hunters, because their last name means “silver.”  (Well, actually, we sort of knew that already, but . . . whatever JACKSON!

(3) Auntie Kate is a closet pedophile who wants to lick teenage boys.  She thinks Jackson is hot, and really wants to hit that.  She also thinks he might be the second beta wolf because . . . wait for it . . . a DEEP WEREWOLF SCRATCH is enough to turn a human into a werewolf.

“BUT WAIT . . .” You say.  I thought only an ALPHA could turn a human into a werewolf.  Derek is just a beta.  TRUE.  BUT . . . what if . . . a human was scratched by a Beta . . .

 . . .and that same scratch was TRACED by an Alpha . . .

Uh Oh, Jackson!  Be careful what you wish for . . . because you just might get it.

See you next week, Werebangers!

P.S. Special thanks go out, once again, to my FABULOUS, UBER TALENTED, EXPERT SCREENCAPPER, Andre, for all the beautiful caps you see here (particularly the shirtless ones, because those deserve EXTRA thanks). ;)

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

33 Comments

Filed under Teen Wolf

33 responses to “It’s the Derek and Stiles Show! – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s “Wolf’s Bane”

  1. East Coast Captain

    I think Scott might become an Alpha either him or Derek. Because there´s always a moment in each season where our hero becomes more powerful to defend the town from evil.

    Holy crap, Peter is badass. The Argents better beware he is not Derek. Someone is gonna get killed in the next episodes. I predict that someone will be turned probably Jackson if he hasn´t already.

    I posted a new chapter of my story, there´s a little thing that will excite you.

    • East Coast Captain

      PS

      Stiles and Derek are the ultimate antagonistic bromance since Spike and Angel.

      Another thing, Kate and Derek are weird together they try to kill each other but you can bet there thinking with their downstairs brain if you know what I mean.

      • I think I read a spoiler somewhere stating that Derek and Kate have a PAST . . . a romantic past. Wouldn’t it be interesting if Derek and Kate, were LITERALLY the 1.0 version of Scott and Allison? A prediction of things to come for the show’s most mushy couple, perhaps? ;)

    • Hi East Coast Captain! I can definitely see someone new becoming the Alpha, as the cliffhanger of Teen Wolf Finale. Perhaps, it would be Derek, or someone who is NOT a wolf yet, like Jackson. Of course, the ULTIMATE shocker would be if an Argent ended up becoming a wolf, killing the Alpha, and then, subsequently, becoming an Alpha. Could you imagine Auntie Kate as an Alpha? Now THAT would be frightening!

  2. Trey D.

    “Almost finished . . . this is shaping up to the best ‘I Heart Derek Hale’ tattoo I have ever created.”

    Wow, this was a hilarious and very good recap. Thanks for taking the time to do this every week Jewls, now on to my crazy (and most likely, long winded) commentary.

    Okay so the actual Uncle being the alpha… why did he raise his finger in a near vegetable like state in response to Derek’s question AFTER Derek left and only when his “caretaker” (who knows he is not a vegetable) is present? That… (and this brings a tear to my eye to say about this show I have come to love so deeply) makes no sense… at all.

    Derek was very wrong to think the alpha was packless… the neat thing is, we now know why Jackson AND Scott reacted to the alpha’s howl. Because they are somewhat in the same pack.

    Auntie Kate makes little sense on thinking Jackson is the beta because of his scar… granted wolves heal fast and his deep scar would be gone just like Scott’s bite was gone.

    I have to watch this episode again because I am still not sure the alpha killed Laura, especially since he didn’t start healing faster until he became the alpha which only happened because Laura died.

    We don’t know if Derek is wrong about killing the alpha being able to cure Scott. The Hales are born werewolves, Scott was bitten, the rules may be different. I think if the Alpha dies (regardless as to who kills it) it goes in some sort of order. Like Laura became the alpha after the original alpha burned in the fire. So unless another Hale is out there, if this alpha is killed, I am pretty certain that Derek will become an alpha.

    If the alpha dies this season, I do not think it will cure Scott because you can’t have a show called “Teen Wolf” without a… well, teen wolf.

    I do agree that with as much as they point towards Kate being the arsonist, that they’re going to turn around and say Stiles was the actual arsonist or something crazy like that… well not that crazy, but you know what I mean.

    Did I mention that I am still uncertain as to whether the alpha killed Laura or not? I am very unsure. Why would he do that? He could have killed Derek a few times and yet he never did. Laura didn’t come back to look for him because he wasn’t an alpha killing folk before… seems she came back to look for whoever burned the house down.

    Derek and Stiles are awesome as a team. I like that combination more than the Scott and Stiles thing. It is hilarious.

    Oh and I imagine he sent Stiles in by himself because with everyone looking for him, he wanted to lay low and figured if things got bad, he would be able to get in there fast enough to save Stiles.

    I am tired of Derek getting his butt kicked by everyone except the guy who got turned into a wolf 3 days ago. Can he be formidable against someone who is a respectable opponent before this season ends? Please?

    I wonder what they are going to do with Jackson. I can’t deal with there being two teen wolves. Unless they have a way of erasing his memory, he basically has to be turned at this point or be killed (maybe both).

    Danny is awesome. He may become my third favorite character. I would like to see more Danny… and not in the way that it would mean if you said that Jewls (meaning shirtless Danny) but in the way that he could be incorporated into the story more.

    Like always, I still can’t wait to see what happens next.

    And uh, where’s the Vet guy?

    • Hey Trey! Thanks so much for your awesome comment.

      LOL about the Uncle’s “I tried to warn you,” comment being a load of crap, as you mentioned. I actually do think that in that “Fake Vegetable Scene” Uncle Alpha WAS raising a finger to signify himself as the Alpha. However, he probably wasn’t doing it to “warn” Derek. “It was more of a na-na, na-na, na-na, YOUR STILL CLUE-LESS,” type finger gesture. He might as well, have given Derek the middle finger, and thrust his pelvis at him, for all the good that did!

      Interesting point about Jackson. I do now subscribe to the theory that one of Jackson’s biological parents is a Hale (maybe even Peter Hale). This would possibly give Jackson a dormant werewolf gene, hence his allergic reaction to Beta Derek’s wolfsbane-infused scratch. That being said, I like the symmetry of having Derek STARTED Jackson’s wolf transformation by scratching him, and the Alpha FINISHING it, by tracing it. Perhaps, Jackson’s transformation is progressing slower than Derek’s did, because (1) he was scratched, not bitten; and (2) the wolfsbane poisoning was somehow holding off the transformation. Just a theory . . .

      You know what’s funny, I missed the Alpha discussing Laura Hale on first watch too. I think I was so shocked about him being the Alpha that I initially missed a lot of his obligatory Evil Monologue. But if I recall correctly, he said something like, “killing Laura . . . becoming the Alpha . . . taking that from her . . . etc.” Of course, I could be wrong.

      All that said, I agree with you that there’s a possibility that, as a bitten wolf, the “rules” of werewolfism that apply to the born wolves do not necessarily apply to Scott. So, perhaps, there is a possibility he could be cured, either by killing the Alpha that bit him, or something else . . .

      And I really like Danny too! Technically, aside from this week, he hasn’t had much to do yet on the show. And yet, you can already tell that he’s a standup guy (ex. sticking up for Scott and Stiles against Jackson, on separate occasions). Plus, his interactions with Stiles and Derek this past week were pretty darn hilarious. Now, if we could only figure out what the heck he’s doing being best friends with Jackson! :)

      Things are definitely heating up on this show. And if the promos are any indication, it’s only going to get more intense. I can’t wait . . .

  3. jmae

    Funniest episode of teen wolf so far. I loved tha car chase scene at the beginging awesome especially when Stiles was telling Scott to go faster and Scott’s like I’ll kill us. Logically I’d think that as a werewolf he’d be able to see what was coming at him. Did you see where Kate went before they went to pick up Derek because maybe it’s because I watched it so late but she just seemed to disappear/drive off. Also Derek seems to have upgraded his car and now has bulletproof windows.
    So here’s what I’m thinking:
    1) Jackson has no clue what he is asking for wanting to be turned into a werewolf. Also, now that the Argents are suspecting him I think that he’ll get a taste of just how dangerous the hunters can be to a werewolf.
    2) I had thought that it could have been the uncle at first, but I wrote him off when I got a good look at him. Plus, he played the catatonic act so well.
    3) Why the f*&ck were Stiles and Scott in Derek’s car in the first place because I doubt that they were the ones that took him to the school.
    4) Spoiler alert: On Mtv’s preview for next week all those murder that made no sense to us are connected by Papa Stiles.
    5) I don’t think that Kate followed Allison there I just think that she was already there looking around and saw Allison come in.
    6) As far as the two Alphas theory goes alot of people have been saying that Laura Hale was the other Alpha but here’s my theory in “Who’s your daddy” Derek said that his sister came to town looking for the Alpha so being that his uncle didn’t become an Alpha until he killed Laura there would have to be another Alpha even though Derek’s uncle is most definately the one that bit Scott.
    Also, I think someone needs to introduce Aunt Kate to a hot guy her own age. I mean come Scott and then Jackson( Derek doesn’t count because a woman at any age would want him).
    I absolutely loved the Derek, Stiles, and Danny scene. Especially when Stiles noticed the way Danny was looking at Derek and used that to get what he wants.
    Is it wrong if I hope that Derek or even Scott kills Jackson.

    • Hi jmae! Thanks so much for your comment and insightful analysis! Hmmm . . . you know, initially, I didn’t give the chase scene too much thought, aside from it being fun to watch. But, now that you mention it, it does raise a lot of questions. Maybe Derek upgraded the windows on his car, after the Argents bashed them in, during one of the earlier episodes. :) As for Stiles and Scott in Derek’s car, the only thing I could think of was that the entire chase scene was more or less orchestrated by them, the same night that Derek rescued Jackson and Allison from Scott. After Scott came clean about throwing Derek under the bus (I still think Derek should have kicked his ass), they recognized that if he was going to go anywhere in public, he needed a plan of attack.

      You know, I’m not sure where Kate disappeared to in this scene, but I definitely think she’s hiding something. And I suspect we will find out a bit about what that is in the final three episodes. I’m also REALLY looking forward to those inevitable Kate and Derek flashbacks. Those two have a complicated relationship, to say the least. ;)

      I’m with you on Jackson. He’s such a douchenozzle, and has NO clue what it means to be a wolf. That being said, the dude is a BORN psychopath. And if Scott loses his morals as a wolf, you could just IMAGINE how awful and evil a Wolfy Jackson would be. They should kill him now, when they still have the chance. :)

      Oh, and here’s hoping that EVERY WEEK from now on features at least one hilarious Derek and Stiles moment. (I guess Danny can come too! :))

      • jmae

        Yeah I know what you mean about Kate hiding something. In one of the promos it shows Papa Argent saying that he doesn’t want Aunt Kate there and she’s like I just want to help and he’s like who are you helping or something. So I’m thinking that she could have possibly helped Derek out. That or he’s really pissed about her part in the Hale fire. Also I’m really jealous that she does in fact get to lick Derek.
        Also, I wonder how bad Papa Argent’s eye sight is. I rewatched the episode and realized that Stiles should have been visible to him when he opened the door for Derek, but then again it was pretty late at night.
        Oh and what do you think the Alphas connection to the vet is.
        Seeing now who the Alpha is I don’t think that he bit Scott just to bite him. Being that Scott’s mom works in the hospital he was stuck in for 6 yrs. So I’m thinking that he bit Scott because he felt that being so close to his mom he could easily manipulate Scott. I think that had Scott been anyone else in the woods that night he would have killed and not just bit him.

  4. jmae

    Here’s the vid with all the connections:
    http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:uma:video:mtv.com:675746/cp~id%3D1667844%26vid%3D675746%26uri%3Dmgid%3Auma%3Avideo%3Amtv.com%3A675746Teen WolfMTV Shows
    They can’t even get a mugshot of Derek lol. Guess he’s flashing those werewolf eyes of his at the camera. Can you believe it about the two guys from the woods looks like Derek’s uncle is alot smarter than he looks. Well actually knew that but you get my point. Also I’m trying to find their interview from comic con where they dropped a whole lot of spoilers including that Stiles’ name will make us laugh and that we should find out more about Derek’s past and him and Kate.

  5. I love this! I actually saw the Alpha Uncle coming because the guy he killed in the last episode got BBQ’ed. I did NOT see Freddy Kouger uncle handing Derek his tail on a silver platter for him.

    Ok, the Stiles, Derek, Danny scene was the most funny thing EVER! Don’t worry, Danny. You’re not the only one checking him out.

    I loved the bouncy head part and was glad Derek got a little revenge. I love Stiles too, but Derek takes his shirt off so no contest. BTW, where did the pic of Derek with his arm in the air come from? Upcoming episode?

    Creepy Kate likes to hang out at Derek’s house for some odd reason. Maybe she’s just waiting for him. Never thought the couger would want the wolf.

    • Hey wolfgal97! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. I love your comparing Uncle Alpha to Freddy Krueger. They definitely have that . . . FACE in common (or at least they DID, before Uncle Alpha healed in the Magic Mirror). And you are right. The Poor Bus Driver guy’s face was burned that way too! That was a big hint. Good thinking!

      I see you (and Danny, and probably most of the people who watch this show, both male and female) share my adoration for Shirtless Derek. Here’s hoping he keeps his shirt off for the next three episodes. ;)

      LOL about Stiles and his “bouncy head.” He did fly back from that steering wheel pretty fast, didn’t he? Maybe he’s made of rubber. :)

      As for that GIF of Derek’s arm, I’m pretty sure it came from that early episode (2 or 3) when he was doing those AWESOME pull ups on that bar in his house. That definitely ranks as one of my top ten Teen Wolf Moments, how about you? :)

      Regarding Kate, I think we are definitely about to learn more about her Derek attraction / obsession, in upcoming weeks. I’m not sure if I should be excited or VERY, VERY afraid . . . That woman is a Wolf-Hunting Cougar, indeed, in more ways than one . . . ;)

      I can’t wait until next week’s episode. The promo looks great.

      • Shirtless Derek = happy wolfgal and fangirl squee across the nation. That’s the extent of math I care to do during summer. ;)

        Weird about the GIF being from an old episode. I don’t remember that… and yes, I am such a fangirl that I went to look for it and it looks like the background behind him is exactly like the background behind him in the shot of him chained up. Hmm… maybe it’s just me.

        I can’t blame Kate (or any female) for being attracted to/obsessed with Derek. But she’s starting to go Pedo with the comments about Jackson in the last episode O.o

        Did you see the preview for the final 4 episodes of the season? Kate LICKS Derek!

  6. MTK

    I love these recaps! I’ve read through one for every episode and laugh every time.

    I think I missed something important though: when in the episode did the uncle say Laura was the alpha, and he killed her to be come alpha? That seems hugely important but I missed it. Also, if he was horribly injured, how could he have possibly defeated Laura?

    That seems to be a problem for me–important lines are hard to hear or go by too fast, like when Jackson says what Argent means in French. I actually didn’t understand what he said until I read this recap.

    • Hey MTK! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting! I’m so glad you’ve been enjoying the recaps *blushes* I love talking Teen Wolf, with you guys each week!

      Regarding Uncle Alpha’s statement that he killed Laura to become the Alpha, it was kind of quick admission on his part, where he says something to the effect of . . “killing Laura . . . becoming the Alpha . . . taking that from HER.”

      I missed it the first time too. And the second time, as you said, the line was delivered pretty fast. So, I wasn’t sure I heard it right at all. But, if it helps any, the below video confirms it. I’ll warn you, however, that the “reporter” in the video has a rather “interesting” voice . . . at least, in my opinion. You’ll see what I mean, when you watch . . . :)

  7. MTK

    Also, Stiles is absolutely my favorite character on the show, hands-down. He is so selfless and sacrifices so much for his best friend. I really hope Scott finally does right by him before the season is over.

    • I totally agree, MTK! Derek may have the best abs on the show, but Stiles is, by far, the best HUMAN BEING. (He’s also the funniest, and DEFINITELY the smartest.) Up to this point, the Stiles / Scott bromance, has seemed to be a bit of a one-way street. So, I do hope Scott finds SOME WAY to make it up to Stiles, in the last three episodes, whether it’s by physically saving his life, or ACTUALLY helping him finally seal the deal with Lydia. After all Stiles has been through this season, Scott owes him BIG TIME!

      • jmae

        Regarding how Stiles is with Scott he treats him way too nice. Prime example this episode not only did he not tell Scott about his mom because he wanted to check it out more he also pretty much gave up his chance to start at the lacrosse game( what I picked up on this would have been his first time playing outside of practice ever). Now that’s a best friend. He’s even nice enough to house Derek while he’s on the run from Papa Stiles.

  8. ms coffeebean

    The whole “bedroom” scene between Derek/Stiles and Danny, too funny. Stiles is sooo mean. Ooo i liked the way Derek slams Stiles against the door, yeah me can slam me like that or be angry with me like that anytime, me likey Derek when hes angry. But im also worried, does this mean stiles and derek might eventually be going out like boyfriend and boyfriend. =O I friggin hope not, no matter how good the show is i will not watch two of my fav charaters make out and do other stuff, thats just ewwww. Kate better keep her tougne off derek, she plays dirty and i DO NOT like her. I really hope derek and stiles are straight and hope derek finds a girlfriend, i dont want derek or stiles to be gay, no no no! X-z

    • Hey, Ms. Coffeebean! Derek and Stiles MADE my night Monday, with their bromantic buddy comedy. Typically, Stiles gets all the best one-liners in the episode. But in this episode, Derek also had some real zingers, like his “This shirt . . . NO FIT,” comment and, of course, the Stiles-head banging, “YOU KNOW WHAT THAT WAS FOR!”

      While I do suspect we will see plenty more Derek / Stiles scenes like these in the future, I don’t predict that they will be expressly romantically linked on the show. Stiles is in love with Lydia. And Derek . . . well, I don’t know about Derek . . . but he definitely wasn’t too keen about being Stiles’ male prostitute for Danny. (And Danny IS pretty cute, with those dimples of his, so . . .)

      Believe it or not, there’s actually a HUGE “Sterek” fanbase out there, who would LOVE to see Stiles and Derek getting jiggy with it, on Teen Wolf. So, be careful. You wouldn’t want to anger the “SHIP,” would you? ;)

  9. André

    Here I am this is me.
    Yep I finally made it. That was a damn busy week.

    You know in my mind this episode might just as well have been called “Dawn of the Douchebag”, because basically that is what happened. Jackson went from somewhat being sympathetic to the douchebag you said he was, and of course the uber-douchebag has revealed himself. Albeit he seems to have partial amnesia if he doesn’t remember Stiles from the night in the school, I mean it’s not as though Stiles was quiet.

    Did you notice that it’s normally Stiles who says “previously on Teen Wolf”?

    One thing first:
    When I saw Derek’s hair in Stiles room I asked myself whether Derek has joined the Elvis fan club, I mean come on that hair was horrible.

    And yeah the cripple really wasn’t on my list of suspects, well not high on it. That’s the drawback when shows are still fresh, you don’t yet know the rules.

    I totally agree that Derek looks better just with fangs and eyes instead of the whole make-up. I think it’s the high cheekbones and the hair that ruins it. Scott’s is much better in that, more subtle, they didn’t do such a good job with Derek.

    You know, I wondered why the heck the Alpha had such slimy hands in the first scene. Makes you wander where those have been. And looks like he can talk, that was new.

    “The better to finger you with, Professor Emo!”
    Man, you’re naughty.

    “Now Derek is on foot. And though I’m screaming at my television that he would be able to run much faster, without those pesky clothes weighing him down, he doesn’t listen . . .”
    Man, you’re gayer than I am. :D

    “But, of course, all Derek has to do is smile at them, and the Big Bad Dogs all go scampering away like giggly school girls.”
    Ah, that scene, again couldn’t help but notice how fake that is, there wasn’t one scared dog in that scene. And do police forces in California really use that sort of German shepherd? But isn’t it weird that the cops didn’t hear the machine gun? Seriously in that area there must be a whole lot of echoes.

    Man I had hoped Scott had to grovel more for upsetting Stiles. But I wonder how often Scott has actually driven a car. The scene makes you wonder whether he is more scared of the car or Kate.

    By the way maybe Derek is a racist, you know Stiles is human so he is not one of them and therefore cannot be trusted, despite the fact that one of “them” had killed his sister not even 2 months ago.

    I found it interesting as well that Jackson has all that information, how the fuck was that possible? It can’t have something to do with becoming a werewolf like some have speculated, because Scott had no such symptoms.

    “Please, Honey! Be gentle! I’ve only done this once with Danny, and I was very, very drunk at the time never done this before.”
    You know, why is Danny Jackson’s best friend? Just don’t get it.

    “Could, perhaps, the same thing be said for werewolf scratches?”
    Well it is not the same but it does make you wonder about the physiology of werewolves, how can a scratch transmit memories? Or was it a side-effect of the Blue Monkshood? Also the wolfsbane doesn’t necessarily seem to make werewolves weak on this show, only the monkshood I just mentioned acted as a poison and even than it caused Derek to lose control over his transformation. That happened when the boys had unearthed Laura’s body that was in wolf-form while the wolfsbane was still connected with the rope, in addition Scott started to change and lose control when it was in Stiles’ backpack.

    “Is it, perhaps, because he has a ”little bit of wolf” in him, already?”
    Maybe, but as far as I know all species of wolfsbane (or Aconitum) are poisonous. Very poisonous in fact, it can be lethal as far as I know. So a werewolf’s claws could be poisonous.

    “So eager is Jackson to inherit some of Scott’s Mad Lacrosse-Playing Wolf Skills, that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to become a werewolf. This includes getting bitten . . . getting scratched . . . and sniffing magic fairydust in the moonlight . . .”
    Who didn’t want to do that with Jackson?

    Anyone?

    “Uh, yeah, Jackson? I don’t actually think sniffing fairydust with the wolfpack in the moonlight is actually part of traditional werewolf lore.”
    No, but he can wear a lycanthropum flower on a full moon or drink water from their paw prints. :D

    “By the way, Scott tells Jackson that in order to be transformed into a werewolf, an ALPHA needs to bite you. I’m not 100% sure that’s true.”
    Hard to tell, that was the first time it was ever mentioned and currently Scott is the only made werewolf on the show, all others seem to have been born that way.

    “You know what PICTURE might have been more effective, Scott? THIS ONE…”
    Yeah, well… you know the western culture usually doesn’t tell its teenage boys that those creatures with boobs like to watch at nude pictures as well.;)

    “Uh, Sweetie Pie, I hate to break this to you. But you were NEVER Scott’s friend. You came . . . you saw . . . you screwed. So, don’t be expecting that you two will be painting one another’s toenails at a slumber party, any time soon. Mmmm ‘kay?”
    You say it sister, and anyway, Allison broke up with Scott, she fled. So I can say that our little Allison is not as strong as she wants to be, in more ways than one.

    “She sure looks like a screamer, in THIS picture!”
    Did Jackson whisper in that picture or why did the two girls not hear him? Than again, Allison doesn’t even seem to notice her aunt and father discussing werewolves right next to her….
    *Call an exorzist I am channeling Julie’s spirit*

    “Now, clearly, this is a guy who never met something he didn’t want to shove in his mouth. I can work with that . . .”
    I thought of his oral fixation when seeing that. Does he want to compensate for something? Then again he is kinda nerdy and you know what they say about nerds. ;)

    “That being said, it’s becoming increasingly clear to me that Jackson doesn’t really give to craps about Allison. This whole goopy lovesick puppy act is all for Scott’s benefit, which is . . . interesting.”
    Interesting because Allison doesn’t seem to notice a thing, seriously she doesn’t seem to be very perceptive.

    “The Poor Girl is so clueless about the nature of attraction that she hasn’t noticed that the writing has been on the wall for the end of this relationship, since the Pilot episode.”
    You know this reinforces my theory that she is someone that cannot really deal with change and has to control everything. Sadly many think that this makes a good leader, albeit it makes control freaks.
    And I think the “dead”-reference might rather apply to Jackson, he will be watching the daisies from below, pretty soon.

    “Are you expecting to start dating only poodles, now?”
    Of course not, husky ladies are far more attractive. :D

    “So, you could imagine my pleasant surprise when Derek pays a surprise to my OTHER favorite character on this show . . .”
    I asked myself why the fuck does he stand there like a serial killer or as if he had a stick in his ass. Or is he Dafydd Thomas’ cousin, that he needs some big fat cock in his ass?

    And I wonder whether Daddy Stilinski thought his son was either watching porn (he was young once as well) or has a girl with him. Unless he knows that Danny is Stiles’ lab partner…
    I would love to state that Stiles was smart enough to use Derek as a guy magnet right away and I thought so at first but than I noticed Stiles’ facial expression when he noticed Danny’s reaction to shirtless Derek and I realized that Stiles had not formed that plan but simply jumped on the train. However it was refreshing to see it handled so normal, albeit I am not sure whether they had gotten away with it if Danny was straight, I mean would they have gotten away with showing a shirtless woman?

    “Fortunately, we aren’t subjected to this goopy maudlin “young love is hard” crap for long, because, eventually Scott finds the Ugly Ass Necklace, right next to an old book on werewolves Allison has apparently been researching. Or, perhaps, should I say, “Loup Garous?””
    I asked myself how Scott could not know what that word meant but was able to recognize French.

    “For now, let’s go visit MORON Allison. Our favorite A+ student has, apparently decided that, even though there are wild animals and serial killers on the loose, it’s a perfectly fabulous idea to go out running alone in the “picturesque” woods where the Blair Witch Project was probably filmed.”
    Well, not very perceptive, as I said.

    “To be honest, I’m not 100% sure why Derek made Stiles go into the hospital BY HIMSELF, knowing that there was a pretty good possibility that the Alpha was in there . . .”
    Because he is a racist?

    “Currently, my guess is she was either boning the Alpha, or she’s part of his pack.”
    She could be dead, her blood was all other the floor.

    “He FAKED HIS UGLY FACE (either that or he has the coolest Plastic Surgery Mirror EVER)!”
    No he did what Derek said, as long as he was conscious he could held the regeneration back. I found it quite original how they solved the problem ofn showing the regeneration.

    “But, for me, the most interesting tidbit was THIS . . . Uncle Alpha BECAME an Alpha by killing the original Alpha, also known as . . . wait for it . . . Laura Hale.”
    I wonder how he did that, sure I guess I know where that idea came from (from the claim that a wolf has to kill the old “alpha” to become the new one, many werewolf fiction I had read have the same or similar concept) but I wonder how and the question is: Let’s say he became the new Alpha by killing Laura, how did he do that?
    As for Scott, well Derek said that he didn’t know whether itw as true and maybe it is different if you kill your ‘sire’. After all, if you are bitten you are more dangerous a werewolf then if you were born, so maybe there are different rules for bitten werewolves than for born ones.

    “The Argents are werewolf hunters, because their last name means “silver.” (Well, actually, we sort of knew that already, but . . . whatever JACKSON!)”
    Because I told you that. ;)

    And if you haven’t done so already you should look into your mailbox, there is a surprise for you. :)

    • Yep, Derek was definitely sporting some Elvis hair, in that episode. Hey, even hot werewolf man meat is entitled to a bad hair day, every once in a while.

      I am beginning to think that members of the same pack (and those “touched” by the pack, like Jackson) can communicate with one another in a Twilight mind-reading sort of sense. This would explain, Jackson’s ability to communicate with Scott during the lunchroom scene, and the Alpha’s ability to “talk” to Scott, during the “car accident” scene, this past week. I suspect that even though WE see these individuals TALKING rather loudly, and looking directly at Scott, this is not actually what is happening in “REAL TIME.” We are only seeing what Scott sees. However, if we looked at the scene from say, Stiles’ perspective, he might just see the communicator in question, tranced out and being silent.

      As for why Allison didn’t notice Kate and Papa Argent talking about werewolves RIGHT NEXT TO HER . . . maybe she’s just a moron? :)

      I think you are right about there being more to Uncle Alpha’s murder of Laura. In the snippet we saw, Uncle Alpha caught Laura off-guard by transforming when she was still human, and by being . . . you know . . . not catatonic. But, as an Alpha, I suspect that Laura, at the first sign of danger would have immediately shifted into that Ugly Black Monster thing, and beat the crap out of the Uncle. So, how did he manage to AVOID that? Also, if Alpha’s have the power, in their wolf state, to mind meld with their pack, controlling their thoughts, if not their out-and-out actions, how come Laura wasn’t able to keep Uncle Alpha in line THAT way. I predict that however Uncle Alpha accomplished this feat will be important in that it will ultimately be how either Scott or Derek ends up killing the Alpha, and becoming one themselves . . .

      By the way, I apologize for the lateness of this reply. I’m moving this weekend (just down the block, but still). And my life schedule, combined with my blogging schedule, has been TOTALLY kicking my ass. I’m sure I’ll be back to myself in a few weeks . . .

  10. Lex Silver

    I LOVE you and you can read me, and my best friend’s, mind. More importantly, I agree with everything you say and Teen Wolf is awesome! :D

    • Thanks so much, Lex Silver! You are so sweet! You know, I didn’t know quite what to expect when I started recapping this show, it being new, and on MTV and all. (I started recapping U.S. Skins on MTV a few months back, and we all know how THAT worked out.) But I’m so glad I decided to do it. Aside from it being filled with SERIOUS eye candy, decent writing, and excellent action sequences, the fanbase is AWESOME. You guys have truly made my summer! :)

  11. Ashley

    Hey, kjewls! I saw that picture of Peter Hale in the mirror, but it wasn’t too clear. So I’ve found this picture on the Internet which shows Peter’s face clearly in the mirror! http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110726111460/teenwolf/images/thumb/4/41/Peter_Hale_After.png/830px-Peter_Hale_After.png

    Wow, he sure does have that good looking, aristocratic face…Anyway, I liked your recap! It’s really funny and sure does make my day! I love your recaps!

  12. Ashley

    Is it me, or does Peter Hale look like Stephen Moyer in that mirror picture you posted of him? He looks like his twin!

    • OMG! The Alpha could TOTALLY be King Beeel’s TWIN! Nice catch there, Ashley! (He’s a bit younger, and a bit better looking, I think . . . but the two definitely share the same bone structure.)

      And yeah, I’ve got to, admit . . . nce you get past the image of him with his face half eaten off, and the fact that he tried to kill my Derek and my Stiles . . . Uncle Alpha is not a bad looking dude! Not bad looking at all, in fact.

      Thanks so much for stopping by, and for your kind words, Ashley. Oh, and of course, thank you for your “research.” ;)

  13. Derek and stiles are sooooooooo HOT!Espchily Derek!Jackson is an IDIOT,I agree100%.Love ur page!

  14. werewolf

    great site!I bust out laughing sooooo many times my friggin` Nana came in there and was like whats so funny and i said its ths show im watching when she left i continued reading and was laughing out loud again pretty mch my whole family asked what was so funny!Great site!Keep writing!!!!

    • Aw, thanks so much, werewolf! I’m so glad this recap made you LOL. (And I hope I didn’t get you into too much trouble with your family. ;)) I’m sure we will have plenty more to talk about, when Teen Wolf returns for Season 2. I can’t wait! ;)

  15. Ackles4life

    I just wannt comment on one part of the “re-cap” which was pretty interestingx) Anyways, if Scott had actually been the one to kill Peter, he would’ve broke the curse. Ther reason it’s ‘different’ for Derek, is because Derek is a full blood Werewolf, “born that way”, which means there’s no ‘curse’ to break. Same thing goes with Peter and Laura. Both were Hales (at least part of the Hale family) which means both were ‘born-werewolves’.

  16. si todo lo que dije es cierto porque JACKSON! a caso no sera beta si no algo de adn y porque Lydia no se convirtio en una mujer lobo y no le hace efecto al veneno de kanama y por stiles casi nadie sabe su nombre realmente sera a caso q su familia oculta algo por el es el unico que recuerda quien es derek a caso tiene algo que ver con el y su pasado y porque stiles y el unico que tiene que confiar

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