And the EYES have it! – A Celebration of the Small Screen’s Dreamiest Peepers

I SEE YOU!

They say that the “Eyes are the window to the Soul.”  And that may very well be true . . .   But, lately, I’ve come to realize that a nice pair of peepers might very well be a window into something else . . .

My PANTIES! 

(Get it?  Because when I look at guys with beautiful eyes .  . . nevermind.)

There’s just something about an actor with really large, intense, and expressive eyes that makes you fall instantly in love with whatever character he’s playing.  You’ll fall for him, regardless of what selfish, evil, dumb, or generally douchebaggy thing he happens to be doing at the time.  Because even when the character is behaving badly, his eyes make him look like he’s feeling really guilty about it . . . Or, maybe they don’t make him look guilty at all.  But you’re so charmed by those pretty irises, you just plain don’t give a damn!

Today, I’d like to honor (in no particular order) some fabulous television actors, whose mesmeric eyes have the power to make me forgive them for all their evil deeds, and, occasionally, make me forget my own name . . .

[Note: As always, not all the YouTube clips included in this post are embedding-enabled.  So, if you want to watch them all (and I HIGHLY recommend that you do!) just click on those internal links, and AWAY YOU GO! :)]

(1) Ian Somerhalder  (Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries)

If you thought that I would be capable of writing an entire blog post about TV Eyes, without including Ian Somerhalder somewhere in it, you’ve clearly never read this blog before.  (WELCOME, New Friend! :)) In his role as Damon Salvatore, Ian’s eyes literally have the power to make thousands of women do his bidding.  (And I’m not just talking about the Fangirls at home, either . . .)

And yet, even without all that vampire mind control magic behind them, Ian’s eyes still have a very sensual power that’s entirely their own.

With them, he can charm you . . .

 . . . or make you fall in love . . .

 . . . or make you cower in fear . . .

. . . or break your heart . . .

Not bad for a single day’s work, right?

Cheers, You SEXY BEAST!

(2) Alexander Skarsgard (Eric Northman from True Blood)

Unlike Damon Salvatore, True Blood vampire, Eric Northman doesn’t have the luxury of simply using his hypnotic eyes to get a drink, save his loved ones, or get the girl.  After all, he’s the SHERIFF of AREA FIVE!  He’s got a community to run . . .  a business to keep afloat . . .

 . . . a “child” to keep in line . . .

. . . and enemies to vanquish . . .

But that doesn’t mean our favorite Viking Vampire can’t have a little fun along the way . . .

This is a guy who understands his power over women, and KNOWS how to use his eyes to get what he wants . . .

But with stares like these, can you really blame women (and men) from becoming puddy, under his gaze?

I’ll take your silence as a “NO” . . . 😉

(3) Jensen Ackles (Dean Winchester from Supernatural)

Dean Winchester may not be a vampire — like his eye-catching compadres, Damon and Eric — but he has staked a few of them, in his day!

If demons spy these intensely determined baby blues heading their way, they better run FAST!  Because Dean Winchester has a Take No Prisoners attitude, when it comes to protecting his family, and a No Tolerance Policy when it comes to EEEEEVVIL!  He’s tough.  He’s snarky,  He’s super BAD ASS!  And yet, he’s very HUMAN. 

 

So, when Deam falters, or cries, or when those big saucer-sized eyes of his beg you for forgiveness, it will melt your heart . . .

(4) Mark Salling (Noah “Puck” Puckerman from Glee)

Noah “Puck” Puckerman doesn’t DO vampires.  He isn’t one.  He doesn’t fight them.  And I strongly suspect that he thinks that the entire Twilight series is for pussies.  And yet Puck shares one very important thing in common with undead bloodsuckers and debonair demon fighters.  His sexy eyes have power.  And they MEAN BUSINESS!

Oh, and Puck can do something those supernatural boys CAN’T!  He can SING!  Check out how Puck’s Eye-F*cking /Neil Diamond-crooning combination makes the typically uptight Rachel Berry turn to complete mush, in this next clip . . .

(5) David Boreanaz (Seeley Booth from Bones)

Lest you brown-eyed girls and boys think this article is biased toward men with eyes of blue and green, I’ve included a smoky eyed gentleman in this list, for your personal viewing pleasure.  We first met David Boreanaz as that bleeding-heart romantic bloodsucker with a soul, Angel, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer . . .

A few years later, “Angel” got his own show.  As a result, Boreanaz’s chestnut-colored orbs were rewarded with significantly more screen time, to meet their brood and smoulder needs.

Then after years (centuries?) of traversing in the Land of the Undead, Boreanaz was converted to “mere mortal” status, when he landed the role of FBI Agent Seely Booth on the crime procedural show Bonens.  Sure, Booth might not be as dark, broody, murderous or tormented as the eye candy previously mentioned on this list, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a catch!

*clears throat, loosens collar*

Booth is smart, tough, funny, a tiger in the bedroom, a charmer with the ladies, and a major fan of Classic Rock.  Did I mention he wears cool socks?

Woah, he has a Magic 8 Ball on his desk TOO?  I really have to start watching this show!

And if all that hasn’t sold you yet, this next clip most certainly will.  (And remember, focus on the EYES . . . just the EYES! ;))

 

(6) Julian Morris (Wren from Pretty Little Liars)

Julian Morris and those GORGEOUS peepers of his have been breaking my heart ALL YEAR!  I first encountered him in the role of Wren on Pretty Little Liars . . .

*Sigh*  He was just so ADORABLE . . .

and CHARMING . . .

and BRITISH . . .

and GOOD AT GIVING BACK RUBS!

And then, suddenly . . . POOF . . . he was GONE!

Then Julian Morris landed a role on the new ABC mockumentary, My Generation . . .

 . . . which got canceled after two episodes . . .

And so, with Pretty Little Liars returning to ABC Family in January, I would like to use this part of my post as an unofficial plea to bring Julian Morris’ eyes back to my TV!  Consider the following clip as evidence in support of my argument . . .

So cheesy, and yet, so VERY HOT!

(7) Chace Crawford (Nate Archibald from Gossip Girl)

Dear, Sweet, Nate Archibald!  Of all the scheming, conniving, lying and backstabbing characters on Gossip Girl, he is probably the most innocent and honest (some would say naive).  Sure, he was born with the proverbial silver spoon in his mouth.  But that doesn’t make Nate arrogant, or cocky, or shallow . . .

At his core, Nate is a bleeding heart.  He values honesty and friendship.  But, above all else, Nate values romance.  And to understand the extent of Nate’s innocence, kindness, and capacity for puppy love, all one needs to do, is look into those translucent baby blue eyes of his . . . 

Admittedly, Nate’s probably not the smartest guy on this list.  But he’s definitely one of the sweetest.

(8 ) Michael Pitt (Jimmy Darmody from Boardwalk Empire)

By the time I started watching Michael Pitt as the Ivy League college kid, turned grizzled war veteran, turned hardened gangster, Jimmy Darmody on Boardwalk Empire,  he and I were already rather well acquainted . . .  After all, he was the guileless freshman football player, Henry, who won Jaded Jen Lindley’s heart on Dawson’s Creek . . .

Then, I got to see even MORE of him in the admittedly bizarre, but compulsively watchable, independent film The Dreamers, during which Pitt spent most of the film’s two-plus-hour running time butt naked, and engaged in kinky sex with an odd, but very attractive brother / sister duo . . .

I bet your wishing YOU saw it now, huh?

(I also saw him in M. Night Shlamalamadingdong’s AWFUL film The Village.  But we need not bring up such atrocities.  This is a TRIBUTE post, after all.) 

Please, don’t shoot me!  I promise not to bring it up again!

 When I revisited Pitt a few years later, in the role of Jimmy Darmody, I was impressed by how much he had grown, both as a human, and as an actor . . .

Who knew that cute little twerp, Henry, would grow up to be such a Rockin’ Bad ASS?

Yet, through all that growth and change, and despite all the diverse roles that comprise Michael Pitt’s impressive repertoire The Village, notwithstanding, one thing that remains a constant are his boyishly innocent puppy dog eyes  . . .

 .  . . even when those eyes are looking at you, like they want to put a cap in your ass .  . .

(Warning:  The following clip contains violence and offensive language.  But it’s REALLY AWESOME!  Viewer discretion advised.)

After all, if your life is destined to be cut short by a cold-hearted gangster, staring into those cobalt blue globes is definitely the way to go.  I mean, it could be worse . . .  Your last vision could end up being THIS . . .

(9) Jesse Williams (Jackson Avery from Grey’s Anatomy)

OK .  . . so you’ve just been shot by Jimmy Darmody, and lived to tell the tale.  But now you have to go to the hospital.  Who’s face would you most like to see peering over you, as you lay half-conscious on the operating table?  Because I know what MY answer would be .  . .

For me, Jesse William’s Dr. Jackson Avery has been the BEST thing about this season of Grey’s Anatomy, HANDS DOWN!  He is brilliant and cocky. 

He can be heroic. 

And he’s a loyal friend, who is more than willing to punch out the lights of the boy, who treated you badly.

Did I mention that he looks like THIS?

One thing I’ve always liked about Grey’s Anatomy, is that the show NEVER shies away from male objectification.  Those Grey’s writers, Boy!  When they’ve got it, they FLAUNT IT!  In fact, this season, there was an ENTIRE episode dedicated to Jackson Avery’s eyes and body, and their almost vampiric ability to get women to cater to his every whim . . . Not that there’s anything wrong with THAT!

(10) Matt Lanter (Liam Court from 90210)

This brooding bad boy of West Beverly is the Dylan McKay of 90210‘s next generation.  Like that other Lusty Lothario, Liam is not exactly the best at vocalizing his feelings.  He also has some MAJOR daddy issues, and an intense temper to match. 

And yet, beneath all that angst, when it comes to the girls he loves, Liam really is just an old softie . . .

With his supple skin and chameleon-like eyes, who’s hues range from grey to almost purple, Liam definitely has no trouble getting the girls to take notice of him.  And what nubile young high school student doesn’t want to reform a Hot Rebel with a Cause?  Especially, when he looks like THIS, beneath the sheets . . .

So, there you have it, 10 fabulous TV stars, and 20 amazing and awe-inspiring eyeballs!  What more could a TV Fangirl ask for? 😉

[www.juliekushner.com]

Missing Your Favorite TV Shows This Summer? No Problem! Just Watch Other People Make Fun of Them on YouTube!

 

I’m not gonna lie!  It’s hard to be a TV Recapper during the summer months, because . . . well . . . there isn’t all that much to recap.  Now, if this had been, say five years ago, I would be forced to spend my non-recapping months doing things like: reading the classics, doing volunteer work, learning to play the cello, and becoming a productive member of society . . .

Fortunately, thanks to the advent of YouTube, I can simply continue to be the directionless miscreant I have always been (only tanner)!

 

Now, during the proper television viewing season, I generally enjoy watching and recapping shows like: Gossip Girl, the now-defunct Lost, Glee, The Vampire Diaries, and Mad Men.  (I also have kind of a thing for vampires, and will often make desperate attempts to throw “fangy” references into all my posts, even those that have absolutely nothing to do with “undead.”)

It was a love for the above-referenced shows (and vampires) that sent me to YouTube in search of videos I could watch that would dull the pain of summer hiatus.  Granted, the video clips I found weren’t quite as satisfying as seeing new episodes of my favorite television shows themselves.  But, hey, at least they made me giggle. 

So, without further adieu, I proudly present to you:  YouTube Videos That Make Fun of Television Shows I Like To Watch!

1) Glee

Have you ever watched Glee, and thought to yourself, “Wow that Rachel chick sure is a nutjob!  I’d hide my pet bunny, if she was ever in my house!”

If so, this film is for YOU!

2) Mad Men

Speaking of sick and twisted, remember that scene from Season 3 of Mad Men, where that annoying British guy randomly got his foot run over by a lawnmower right in the middle of the office?  Ever wonder what that scene would sound like when replayed to the tune of Imogen Heap’s Hide and Seek, a.k.a. That Song TheyAlways Play on Teen Dramas Whenever Something Dramatic Happens?  Wonder no more . . .

3) The Vampire Diaries

Somewhere, in an alternate universe, Stefan and Damon Salvatore are NOT vampire brothers fighting for the love of the same girl.  Rather, they are ambiguously gay roommates, with an annoying habit of breaking into song at inopportune moments . . . (Thanks to Amy over at ImaginaryMen for sharing this FABULOUS video with me!)

[Click the internal link to watch.  You’ll like it, I promise!]

4) Buffy the Vampire Slayer / The Twilight Series

 

Perhaps in that SAME alternate universe, where Stefan and Damon are living “homosexually ever after,” Edward Cullen is NOT the “cute and sparkly” vampire who won Bella Swan’s heart.  Rather, he is a creepy stalker vampire with a dangerous hard-on for a certain slayer we all know and love . . .

5) Gossip Girl / Supernatural

If you are anything like me, you were beyond depressed during the Gossip Girl Season 3 finale, when Chuck Bass threw away his chance at happiness with Blair Waldorf, for a paltry tumble in the hay with that skanky hobag, Jenny Humphrey.  Of course, we ALL want those two crazy kids, C&B, to reconcile pronto.  However, if Blair absolutely MUST get involved with a rebound guy, at least let him be someone manly, someone who is not afraid to battle a few demons (both internal and external) to protect the heart of his lady love . . . someone like Supernatural‘s Dean Winchester.

6) Lost

And, finally, this one goes out to all of you folks that were really mad that the flash-sideways world on Lost ended up being nothing more than purgatory (even though the writers promised it wouldn’t be).  It’s for you folks who would have preferred a more “scientific”explanation for all that on and off island “time shifting” the castaways suffered through for six seasons.  This is also for the select few of you who shelled out the big bucks for those ridiculously over-priced Lost Happy Meal toys.  Apparently, someone out there put them to better use, than YOU did . . .

Well, that’s all, folks . . . at least until the next time I inevitably run out of things to recap . . .

Shirtlessness is Godliness – My Take on the Top Ten TV Bods

[WARNING:  On most days, I try to imbue this blog with (moderately) intelligent insights and (sort of) insightful commentary about our pop culture world . . . This is NOT ONE OF THOSE DAYS!  Today is all about objectifying  male television stars, and objectifying them HARD!  So if you happen to be looking for intelligent insights or insightful commentary, you might want to head on over to CNN.com or MSNBC.com — because you won’t find any HERE!]

Are they gone yet?  Good!   Now that we’ve ditched the “mature and responsible adults,” and it’s just us girls, let’s TALK.  Let’s talk about abs of steel, arms of bronze, and skin of silk!  Let’s talk about shoulder blades, belly buttons, backs, butts, and happy trails —  all of it, just barely concealed by tight jeans, strategically placed foliage, soap bubbles, or flimsy peak-a-boo towels!  Ladies, here’s your chance to objectify men, the way they’ve objectified YOU for centuries! 

So, without further adieu, let’s put on our Pink Hard Hats, and DO THIS THING!

When it comes to watching TV, us ladies are LUCKY!  Because, while the FCC simply will NOT allow the exhibition of topless women on prime time television, it has NO TROUBLE AT ALL showing shirtless men!  Out of the countless bodies of work on the “boob-less tube” today, here are just ten of my favorites (in no particular order).

1) Lost’s Shirtless Sawyer (a.k.a Josh Holloway)

When Oceanic Flight 815 crashed on an uncharted island back in 2004, the male survivors immediately instituted a “clothing optional” policy. And BOY are we glad they did!  Snarky, nickname-giving, weapon collecting, bookworm, James Ford, a.k.a Sawyer, is definitely one of those guys who, most of the time, can’t be bothered with such daily inconveniences as putting on a shirt.  So whether he is building a raft to get off the island (which I guess is what he is pictured doing above ), engaging in hot bear cage sex with a fellow castaway .  . .

. . . or randomly taking a shower, while still wearing his jeans . . .

 . . . chances are Sawyer’s going to let you see his belly button, while he’s doing it.  And if that’s not a charitable contribution to society, I don’t know what IS!

2) True Blood’s Shirtless Jason Stackhouse (a.k.a. Ryan Kwanten)

While there aren’t very many characters on television who are shirtless MORE than Sawyer on Lost.  True Blood’s Jason Stackhouse definitely has the distinction of being one of the few.  This self-proclaimed male slut may not be the sharpest “tool” in the shed, but I certainly wouldn’t kick him out of my bed.  In fact, I’d probably handcuff him to it, so that he couldn’t leave!

Fans of the show will undoubtedly remember Jason Stackhouse’s “fine form,” as it was displayed during the outdoor, Shirts v. Skins, Football Game he played at “Cult Camp” for the Fellowship of the Sun, during Season 2.

And, of course, who could forget the “Sexy Dance” Jason performed for Lafayette back in Season 1, when he was hooked on Vampire Blood?

Shirtless AND pantless!  It doesn’t get much better than this, ladies!

3) The Vampire Diaries’ Shirtless Stefan Salvatore (a.k.a. Paul Wesley)

Speaking of television characters hooked on Human Vampire Blood, here’s another one who isn’t a big fan of “the shirts.”  This broody vampire, with arms like tree trunks, and pects like a Greek God, generously regales us with his Body of Goodness each week on The Vampire Diaries.  Whether he’s doing chin ups to fend off blood cravings, dangling from a ceiling, while being tortured by a crazed team of rebel vamps, or gallantly retrieving a post-coital glass of water for his human girlfriend . . .

 . . . Stefan Salvatore tends to do it sans-shirt.  And thank Heaven for that!

4) Glee’s Shirtless Noah “Puck” Puckerman (a.k.a. Mark Salling)

Why didn’t any of my classmates look like this when I was in high school?  (Probably because they weren’t played by 27-year old actors with a team of personal trainers at their fingertips . . .)  This MILF seducing . . .

 . . . Mohawk wearing, Sweet Caroline singing, triple-sport playing bad boy, has a body to DIE FOR!  And he’s not afraid to show it off.  I can watch this ONE walk around, wearing nothing but a towel for HOURS!  You know what?  I think I will!

5) True Blood’s Shirtless Eric Northman (a.k.a. Alexander Skarsgard)

No wonder True Blood‘s Eric Northman has an entire CALENDAR MONTH dedicated to him!  He’s an extremely well-preserved, centuries old, insanely tall Viking Vampire with a voice like silk, and a penchant for all things bloody.  Did I mention he enjoys taking baths?

Can you really blame Sookie Stackhouse for having sexual dreams about this vamp, even though she is currently involved in another relationship?

6) Supernatural’s Shirtless Sam Winchester (a.k.a. Jared Padalecki)

OK.  I’ll admit that I don’t actually watch this CW show, about two hot demon hunting brothers, one of whom is sometimes possessed.  It just seems too scary for me. (This, coming from a girl who reads and writes books about vampires and hot warlocks, and who watches countless hours of Vampire Television . . . Crazy, I know!)  However, when I was “doing research” for this blog entry, I found this . . .

AND THIS (also featuring a shirtless Jensen Ackles as Dean Winchester) . . .

 . . . and figured I might just have to START watching, after all!

7) Grey’s Anatomy’s Shirtless Alex Karev (a.k.a. Justin Chambers)

This Hot (sometimes D-baggy) Doc, with a tortured past, and a sweet side to boot, looks just as good with his scrubs ON as OFF (We prefer them OFF, of course).    For a busy medical professional, Alex Karev gets LAID A LOT!  And for that, we are thankful, because it gives us an opportunity to see him like this . . .

Can you believe that the actor who plays this strapping male specimen is father to FIVE KIDS?

8 ) The Vampire Diaries’ Shirtless Damon Salvatore (a.k.a. Ian Somerhalder)

Clearly, the fictional vampiric Salvatore brothers both possess the gene for AMAZING abs!  Damon, the older, wiser, and snarkier Salvatore, KNOWS he’s hot.  And while occasionally completely shirtless, Damon, unlike his brother, tends to prefer the “open shirt” look . . .

 . . . which leaves a bit more to the imagination, but can be just as sexy.  Did I mention our boy can DANCE?

(Yeah, they won’t let me embed this video.  Poopyheads!  But click the link and WATCH IT!  I promise you WILL NOT be disappointed . . .)

9) Smallville’s Shirtless Clark Kent / Superman  (a.k.a. Tom Welling)

Undoubtedly, if you are being cast in a teen drama about the origins of the Man of Steel, having a hot bod is a prerequisite.  Tom Welling delivers FOR SURE!  Kansas farm boy, Clark Kent, may spend a significant amount of time fighting crime and leaping tall buildings in a single bound, but he’s also hauled a lot of bales of hay in his day.  And that’s really paid off for him in the chest department, if you know what I mean . . .

10) Lost’s Shirtless Desmond Hume  (a.k.a Henry Ian Cusick)

Since we started with a Lostie, I figured another Lostie would be a good place to end.  This romantic, time,traveling Scotsman, who calls everyone “Brotha,” spent years underground, doing nothing put punching numbers into an aging computer and working out.  And it shows!  Aside from being super cut, Our Man Desmond is not afraid to get a little dirty.  And anyone whose watched Lost knows that a dirty naked body is usually a HOT naked body.

Perhaps the reason Desmond is always looking so fit, is that, based on the pictures paparazzi have of him, the actor who plays Desmond does nothing but run ALL THE TIME!  (Check Google Images, if you don’t believe me!)

Well, there you have it ladies!  Ten hot TV men, all of them at least HALF nude!  Your welcome.  Now I’m off to take a cold shower!  Until next time . . .