“Sweet English Teacher, I have decided to show my love to you by finger painting on your car.”
“Life is a journey, not a destination,” said Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Who knew Emerson was a fan of Teen Wolf?
“The wheels on the bus go round and round. Round and round. Round and round. The wheels on the bus go round and round, all through the town! Come on, Scott, sing it with me! The wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish . . .”
In “Frayed,” the Scooby Gang had two destinations they needed to reach, before the end of the hour. There was the literal destination of the
Lacrosse Cross Country(?) meet, and the more abstract destination of “Derek’s Death,” an event with which the writers mercilessly teased us throughout the episode.
“Recapper say WHAT?”
If the success of “Frayed” merely depended on the characters reaching their respective destinations, it would been a HUGE failure.
After all, the Scooby Gang never actually made it to the
Lacrosse Cross Country(?) Meet. And, as most of us suspected early on in the episode, Derek didn’t actually die . . . at least not literally.
But “Frayed” wasn’t really about these destinations at all! Rather, it was about the journeys each of the characters took in reaching them. It was about Allison and Derek being forced to choose between “family” and pack . . . Derek’s fall from grace, in the eyes of both his enemies and his allies . . . Scott’s begrudging embrace of his “Destiny” . . . Stiles’ impressive, and much coveted, ability to make his teammates vomit on cue . . .
So, pop a couple Dramamine, and keep your eye on the horizon. Because we are in for a bumpy recap ride . . .
As always, special thanks to my super talented, kickass screencapper Andre. He’s the kind of stand-up guy you could definitely trust to stitch up your psychologically-induced mortal stomach wounds with a knitting needle in a public restroom . . .
[WARNING: The non-linear structure of this episode made for a really unique and exciting viewing experience.
Unfortunately, it also made it a b*tch to recap.
I’ve gone back and forth on whether I should review the various scenes from the episode in the order in which they appeared on screen, or stick to a more “chronological” form of recap. Ultimately, I opted for the latter. Hopefully, it all ends up making some sort of sense . . .]
PART I- THE DEATH(?) OF DEREK HALE
One of the benefits of recapping this episode chronologically, is that I get to start my recap with a sex scene. And you all know how much I love my sex scenes . . .
Apparently, so does Lydia . . . which is fitting, because she’s the only one on this show, who seems to be getting any action, these days.
Well . . . that’s not true. I assume Danny is getting some action. He has seemed a bit . . .um . . . happier lately. You know what they say . . . once you go Alpha . . .
Lydia is in some abandoned classroom getting fondled by Aiden. But while the dude may be an Alpha in a brawl or on the cross country field, he’s clearly a Beta, when it comes to boning.
I mean, honestly, you would think a guy who spent his entire childhood fisting his brother would be able to come up with more inventive ways to use his hands than boring butt squeezes. Isn’t he supposed to be like a Top, or something?
Then again, perhaps I have this whole Fused Being concept all wrong. Maybe the fusing happens up the center of the body, instead of across its middle. This would mean that Aiden and Ethan actually only have experience using one hand a piece (not to mention the fact that they each only possess half a brain).
Of course, it’s possible that Aiden was just trying to be a gentleman, by not getting too handsy with his new girlfriend . . .
Nahhhhh . . .
As for Lydia, I may be a traitor to my sex, by saying this, but I kind of like that she’s become a bit more . . . ummmm . . . loose.
At first, when Lydia started sleeping around this season, I worried that the writers would subtly chastise the character for it, by inferring that this is her “unhealthy” way of coping with Jackson’s departure.
But, actually, that doesn’t seem to be the case at all! Lydia’s sexuality doesn’t come from a needy place. She’s empowered by it! As far as I’m concerned, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with an intelligent, strong-willed woman, who loves sex, for sex’s sake . . . a woman who understands instinctively that sometimes a non-sexual relationship (like the one she has developed with Stiles . . . so far) can be even more personal and meaningful than a sexual one.
If she was a guy, we’d call her a stud.
Speaking of studs and empowered females . . .
Getting Handy 2 – Electric Boogaloo
Did you know Allison and her dad ditched the home they had just moved into less than a year ago, in favor of a swanky apartment, this season?
Me neither . . .
I love when Teen Wolf surprises us with little changes like this . . . like when the entire Lacrosse Team magically morphed into a Cross Country Team, without anyone noticing .
Anywhoo, Scott pays Allison a visit at her new apartment to slap her on the wrist for using Derek and Co’s Brilliant Beta Trapping Scheme last week, as an excuse to live out her lifelong dream of becoming Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games.
Allison blithely shrugs off the scolding, Scott having lost his Disciplinarian Daddy Privileges the day the two “former” lovers agreed to
admire one another from afar for a few episodes“see other people.”
“Bark your commands to Isaac, Scott. This little lady is not your b*tch anymore.”
Unwilling to admit defeat, Scott tries another tactic. He dusts of that old high school flirting trick, where guys manipulate girls into wrestling with them by bragging about how much stronger than them they are . . .
Word to the wise guys, us ladies are well aware of this trick. And any girl who seems to be falling or it, is only doing so because she wants to manhandle you just as much as you want to manhandle her.
As for Allison . . . she REALLY wants to manhandle Scott . . .
Mere seconds later, Allison and Scott are going at it like . . . well . . . a couple of wolves. And for all my jab at Scott’s milquetoasty take on heroism, it must be said . . . this guy is much more inventive with his hands than Alpha Aiden.
So, you know how, back when we were kids, our mom’s would always say to their kids, “It’s all fun and games, until someone pokes an eye out?”
Well, foreplay with a teen wolf is all fun and games until you accidentally sprain your wrist, during a failed attempt at doggystyle.
Oops . . . it looks like someone doesn’t know his own strength. Talk about killing the mood.
Speaking of mood killers . . .
There goes the neighborhood . . .
Have you ever run into someone on the elevator, who you REALLY didn’t want to talk to?
Of all the high rises in Beacon Hills, apparently Deucalion the Demon Wolf, and his Alpha Pack decided to move in right above the Argents. What are the odds, right?
“Dammit! I knew I should have taken the stairs.”
Perhaps, this building has the most lenient policy on pets? (It sure beats living in an abandoned bank.)
You know what bugs me about Deucalion? He talks too damn much.
All these ponderous speeches to Scott, Derek, and anyone else who will listen about “living up to one’s true potential,” and this guy is starting to sound like a motivational speaker gone postal . . . No wonder it only takes a few minutes in the elevator with This Guy for Scott to decide he wants to kick his ass . . .
Kick his ass . . . but not kill him . . . yet.
Scott rushes off to Derek’s digs to tell him about Deucalion’s new homestead, only to learn that this news is SOOOOOO yesterday!
“Bored now . . .”
He finds the Hales . . . and Boy . . . pouring over the floor plans to Allison’s apartment complex. (These guys seem to just magically have floorplans to building in Beacon Hills.) It seems Derek has decided to put down the Deuce and his pesky minions the following night!
Killjoy Scott thinks this is a bad idea. But no one with the last name Hale gives a sh*t what Scott thinks, not even Sassy Peter . . . who has the coolest Alpha form of the whole bunch, but still never fights with the pack, for reasons that haven’t yet been explained . . .
“I’d love to help you kill your enemies today. But, unfortunately, I’m already scheduled for a mani-pedi.”
That reminds me, we still have yet to see Deucalion’s Alpha form . . . possibly because it looks something like this . . .
I’d be embarrassed too!
Back at La Casa de Argents, Allison wants her dad to help her stick some phallic objects in some Alpha wolves, for old times sake. But Papa Argent echoes Scott’s sentiments of non-violence, even if it leads to the entire cast of the show being murdered by a blind guy who talks WAY too much . . .
Now, that’s just cold . . .
Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting . . .
The following night . . . at least . . . I think it was the following night. Scott makes some awkward comments to Isaac about going out for “Mexican,” and it totally seems like Euphemism for sex . . .
“I would very much like to put my chimichanga in your burrito.”
Especially, when the scene directly following this conversation features the two bromantic buddies snuggling up to one another on Scott’s motorcycle . . . (Sounds like another happy couple we know . . .)
Fun fact . . . Scott is officially the third person to whom Isaac has snuggled close on a motor bike. In other words, Isaac is a TOTAL motor bike whore!
Arriving at some weird warehousey place (with two randomly placed escalators to nowhere?) that may or may not be part of the Argents’ apartment complex, Scott warns Isaac that he is just there to “talk” to Deucalion . . . not fight him . . . or kill him . . .
“‘Just talk’ to the self-proclaimed Destroyer of Worlds. That sounds like a great idea!” Said nobody ever.
“Blah-blah, blah-blah, blah blah blah blah blah . . . DEMON WOOLLLLLLF!”
Plus, the last thing we need is to listen to Deucalion talk more . . .
Fortunately, it’s a trap/ ambush! Derek’s pack pops up, seemingly out of nowhere. And the Alpha Pack follows shortly thereafter!
Let’s get this party started!
Cue the pop music and wolf outs all around. It’s pretty much your garden variety gang fight amongst hairy teens . . . But then this happens . . .
That’s right, boys and girls, drop kicking Ennis gave Scott a temporary case of the Red Eyes . . . the Alpha Red Eyes. Don’t worry, Scott. No need to embrace your destiny just yet. A little Visine will clear that eye problem right up!
The writers aren’t quite clear on what it was about this specific moment of fighting that made Scott “go Alpha.” I mean, sure, the drop kick was a cool move, I guess. But last I checked to become an Alpha you actually had to . . . you know . . . kill someone.
The only thing Scott seems to have killed is Ennis’ self esteem . . .
Also, since when did Alpha-ism become the kind of condition that flares up, only on occasion, like hemorrhoids or herpes?
Speaking of Alpha “flare-ups,” Derek’s probably wishing his Alpha would go away, when the Alpha pack commandeers Boyd and his sister, thereby forcing him to face the Ultimate Existential Werewolf Question: Family . . .
. . . or Pack . . .
Saved by the Bell! Or should I say, the
Katniss Everdeen Allison.
Annnnd we’re back to fighting!
Scott comes in for the assist.
“Haha! Got your toesies, tickle, tickle, tickle!”
Hey, look! They are flying . . .
Derek, this isn’t really the best time to take a nap. Wake up and finish him!
Derek? Wait . . . is he . . . DEAAAAADDDDDDDD?
PART II – ROAD RAGE
Don’t you just hate it when you are on a long bus ride in traffic, and you get hit with a massive bout of motion sickness?
How about when you are on a long bus ride in traffic, and you are suffering from a MASSIVE STOMACH WOUND?
“I knew I shouldn’t have eaten Isaac’s burrito last night.”
In the aftermath of Derek’s “death,” everyone seems a bit on edge.
Boyd and Isaac want to beat the sh*t out of Ethan . . .
Ethan keeps nervously checking his cell phone . . .
“Are we at the stage of our relationship yet, where I’m obligated to ask you about your feelings? Or can we just continue screwing in silence.”
Danny is secretly wondering why Ethan seems so distracted . . .
Stiles is secretly wondering whether Danny knows why Ethan seems so distracted . . .
“I wonder if Ethan thinks I’m attractive.”
This guy is about to puke . . .
“I knew I shouldn’t have eaten Isaac’s burrito with Scott last night?”
And Scott’s like DYING and stuff . . .
Did I mention that Allison and Lydia are following behind the bus to stalk Dying Scott?
Car Stalking is the new Cyber Stalking . . .
In what is probably my favorite sequence in the entire episode, Stiles Twitter attacks Danny into finding out why his boyfriend keeps checking his phone.
Boyfriend must be an OLYMPIC texter! Because, Danny’s phone is going off literally every second, for about three minutes. You know, kind of like This Guy . . .
You would think a supposed “computer hacking whiz” like Danny, would be smart enough to silence his phone, as soon as the first couple of texts came in . . .
Ultimately, Danny relents and asks his boy toy what’s up? As it turns, out Ethan is worrying about his “friend,” who “might not make it through the night.”
Somehow, I don’t think he’s talking about Derek . . .
It’s interesting how much loyalty these Alphas have toward one another, considering these people all literally MURDERED their entire original pack . . . I don’t know about you, but that’s not the type of person I’d feel comfortable having on MY TEAM.
Meanwhile, near the back of the bus, Scott’s Alpha-induced wound still isn’t healing. And his health seems to be in rapid decline. Stiles tries to ask the coach nicely to pull over the car.
But when that fails, he opts for more desperate measures . . .
Sorry Jared! But hey! Look on the bright side. At least you aren’t motion sick anymore!
Remember that popular children’s game, which taught five year olds that “surgery” simply means yanking small items out of a body with a pair of tweezers, and basically requires no training or experience whatsoever?
Med School, Schmed School! I learned everything I ever need to know about the human body from a naked guy with a red nose, and “water on the knee.”
Well, I’m going to go out on a limb and say it inspired this scene in Teen Wolf, where Allison Argent — the girl who once needed a tutor in biology — dragged her dying ex boyfriend into a dingy public restroom, and “saved his life,” armed with nothing but a needle and a thread . . .
Step aside doctors from House and Grey’s Anatomy, because you just got served!
Once the gang finally manages to get off the School Bus (thanks to Puking Jared), they are able to focus on the REAL problem at hand: Scott’s Tummy Trouble.
It’s Lydia who determines that the reason Scott’s usual healing powers aren’t taking effect, is psychosomatic.
In English . . . that means that Scott’s guilt over the accidental hand he played in Derek’s possible demise is LITERALLY eating him up inside.
Pop quiz: Scott has an injury that’s at least partly in his mind. How should the gang solve this problem?
(a) ask around to see if there’s a Werewolf Shrink in the house;
(b) slap him around a bit, and tell him to “SNAP OUT OF IT!”
(c) call his mother, a registered nurse who knows he’s a werewolf, and tell her to get her ass to her local rest stop to save her son; or
(d) have Allison, a teen with NO medical training, sew up his not-really-genuinely injured stomach with a knitting needle.
“We’re waiting. . .”
If you chose any answer but (d), I’d call you a logical being. But this show isn’t called Logical Wolf. It’s called Teen Wolf!
So, without further adieu, I proudly bring to you, “Sewing Tummies for Dummies,” starring Allison Argent, and Scott McCall . . .
. . . and Special Guest Star . . . Dead Mama Argent!
Step 1 – Sterilize the needle.
Step 2 – DON’T LICK THE NEEDLE AFTER YOU STERILIZE IT, THEREBY INVALIDATING THE STERILIZATION . . .
Don’t worry about that, Allison. Maybe fake injuries only engender fake infections . . .
Step 3 – Try to keep a steady hand . . .
Having the ghost of Allison’s mother, Ice Queen Mama Argent, talk Allison through dispassionately stitching up Scott’s wounds made for a powerful viewing experience, particularly for us viewers, who have experienced the loss of a parent. Kudos to Crystal Reed for really pulling off the pathos and anguish of this scene.
Watching this scene, you could almost forget that Mama Argent was a sociopathic wackadoo who once tried to MURDER the very same person she’s helping Allison to stitch up . . .
Almost . . .
After the surgery, we are treated to not a very convincing fake out, during which Scott “plays dead” for a horrified Allison for about three seconds, before “waking up.”
But the real action is going on outside, where Isaac has started WHALING on Ethan. Might as well, right? I mean he already got blamed for beating up the kid. At least this time, Isaac can experience the satisfaction of knowing that it was his fist causing the bleeding.
“And that douche got beat up twice, HAHA!”
Not that I condone violence, or anything . . .
Scott, once again, pulls rank on Isaac, getting him to “stop the insanity.”
Personally, I could have gone for a few more minutes of ass kicking myself . . .
Back in the barf-fumigated bus . . .
. . . a now stitched-up Scott is sitting with Allison, who has inexplicably ditched her car in the middle of nowhere, just so that she can in a smelly bus with her bloody ex boyfriend. Scott thanks Allison for not listening to him, when he told her to stay out of his business, thereby saving his life.
“You’re damn right,” says every girlfriend ever.
Further up on the bus, an increasingly chummy
Mulder and Scully Stiles and Lydia do the heavy lifting of tying the two seemingly disparate storylines of the Big Bad Dark Oak Druid Killer and the Alpha pack together, by determining that Big Bad Dark Oak Druid Killer might be making all these kills in order to build strength for its inevitable battle against the Alpha pack.
In other words, it’s Alien versus Predator all over again. Who’s side are YOU on?
Speaking of the Alpha Pack, let’s check in on them again, shall we?
Given the former’s tendency to turn into a gorilla-like thing and mind-control gingers, and the latter’s complete absence from the series for the entire first two seasons, it’s entirely understandable that Sassy Uncle Peter and Cora Hale are a bit leery of one another. But with Derek dead(?) / missing, and possibly dead, and the entire rest of the cast trapped in Bus Hell, the two decided to combine forces and engage in a bit of super sleuthing.
To be honest, I’m not entirely sure why the Hales immediately assumed that ONLY one of the two bodies that fell from the scaffolding, Ennis or Derek, could have possibly survived the fall . . . especially considering the fact that they are BOTH Alphas, and BOTH of their bodies had been removed from the scene.
Desperate for answers, the pair decide to head for the Trusty Vet’s office for guidance.
Geez, who knew some glorified dog groomer’s office would end up becoming the most happening location on the show? I mean, this place is basically the Teen Wolf equivalent of the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls . . .
LIFE OF THE PARTY!
Dr. Deaton (whose first name is Alan, by the way . . . I didn’t know that until this week) must be the richest vet in the WORLD! I wonder if he charges by the hour . . .
Unfortunately for Sassy Pete and Cora, SOMEONE has beat them to Deaton’s office. (Should have made a reservation . . .)
I think it’s a bit odd that Deucalion and co. (AND Ms. Morell . . . who apparently is Deaton’s Sister from another Mister?) would choose Notorious Derek Pack Ally Deaton to repair their beloved Ennis’ boo boos. But I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. Of course, Deaton is able to repair Ennis to his strong and
stupid silent type greatness, with nothing more than a few simple magical remedies. (He didn’t even need Mama Argent and a knitting needle to do it.)
But then Deucalion comes and SQUASHES ENNIS’ HEAD LIKE IT’S A ROTTEN MELON .
(In fact, I’m pretty sure they used an actual melon to pull off this stunt.)
The moment was simultaneously, gross, horrifying and awesome at the same time. Though I suspect Ugly Toenail Chick would disagree with me.
Hmmmm . . . I wonder if these two were boning. That’s not the kind of mourning you do for a casual acquaintance, if you catch my drift . . .
Of course, Sassy Uncle Peter and Cora see this reaction and immediately assume that because Ennis just died Derek must already be dead . . .
Logic Fail. I thought you were smarter than that, Sassy Uncle Peter . . .
Meanwhile back at the school . . .
PART III – IT’S ALIVE!
English Teacher is innocently heading to her car after school . . .
What’s the matter? Don’t feel like spending another night in the boiler room? . . . when she encounters a friendly surprise . . .
Geez Derek, I know you’ve been out of the dating game a while. But here’s some friendly advice. It’s really not necessary to mutilate yourself to the point of near death just to get your lady love’s attention.
Most of the time
especially for people who look like you a clever text message will suffice. Just sayin . . . Anywhoo . . . Derek’s alive. Obviously. SURPRISE!
And that was “Frayed” in a nutshell. Next week on Teen Wolf, the ENTIRE CAST SLEEPS TOGETHER . . .
. . . in a motel . . .
See ya then, Fangbangers!