The Hunted – A Review of The Vampire Diaries’ Season 5 Premiere, “I Know What You Did Last Summer”

Welcome back, Fangbangers!  It appears we have a lot of catching up to do . . .

Source

So, tell me, how did you spend YOUR summer?  Did you travel to far off places?

Source

Meet some new and interesting people?

Source

Get healthy by starting a new . . . um . . . workout routine?

Source

Change up your look a bit?

Black eyes are the new orange . . .

Perhaps, you just spent the summer relaxing by the pool?

Source

To be honest, it’s been so long, I’m just hoping that none of you DIED, and are merely carrying on the facade of living to spare my feelings.  (Please let me know if you are.)

Regardless of what . . . or who . . . you were doing this summer, sometimes it’s just nice to return home and connect with old friends.

Source

This week’s TVD Season Premiere saw most of our favorite Mystic Fallians heading into uncharted waters . . . sometimes literally.

Source

For Caroline and Elena, this meant going from vampires at the top of their high school food chain, to freshmen in college, who can’t attend frat parties, because no one will invite them in . . .

Source

For Damon, this meant staying home and having to babysit unruly humans, while his girlfriend was off having fun, and his brother was .  . . taking a really long bath.

Source

For Stefan, this meant interminable and repeated death by drowning . . . all while suffering from the knowledge that his brother and former lover were boning, and his shadow self was off wreaking havoc on Mystic Falls, while wearing his face . . .

Katherine was forced to relearn the ignominy of running in high heels, and seducing men with her hot body and sexy smoker’s voice, as opposed to merely compelling them to like her like she used to do . . .

Matt had to endure .   . .  whatever the f*&k happened to him at the end of the episode . . .

And Bonnie had to remain virtually ignored and invisible, while all her friends were out having storylines of their own, barely acknowledging her existence . . .  which, if you think about it, is not too different from what Bonnie does every season.

In a show where more than 3/4’s of the characters are supernatural, there tends to be a lot of focus on predators and hunters, those with the power to feed on the weak and innocent.  But, at least at the start of Season 5, our Scooby Gang is feeling a lot more vulnerable and unprepared than usual.  They are the prey . . . the hunted.

Let’s review, shall we?

Summertime Blues

Poor Stefan and Bonnie!  All their friends have been so busy having sex with one another, that nobody seemed to notice that they both “died.”

That’s the trouble with being a broody loner, Stefan Salvatore.  When you fall off the face of the Earth, everybody just assumes that you need “space,” and not that your evil doppelganger buried you in an underwater tomb for all eternity . . .

As for Bonnie, her situation is arguably even more pathetic than Stefan’s.  By following said friends and family around unseen, while engaging them in one-sided conversations in which they will never take part, and shouting at them unheard, Bonnie has taken her usual sidekick status to a whole new level:  She’s become a TVD viewer .  . .  a fangirl!  The writers might as well put her on a couch, in front of a flat screen, for all her plot significance.

Source

Those of you who have lost someone special in your life, can probably relate to the belief that that person is up in Heaven somewhere looking down on you, doing his or her best to protect you and keep you safe.

And yet, you kind of hope they aren’t watching you ALL the time, right?

Source

I mean, I don’t know how you picture YOUR Heaven.  But in my version, there’s a lot more to do there than simply watch the television channel tuned in to Your Loved Ones broadcast network.  My Heaven is happening place.  The people there party, socialize, and engage in hobbies.  They have LIVES in death.

So, as much as I think it’s “swell” that Bonnie is spending her ghost moments making sure her friends are happy, and aren’t missing her too much, I also think the writers have painted themselves into a bit of a corner with the character.  They need to either write her a storyline that puts her ghostly tendencies to good use, or write her out of the show.

Because, honestly, if I wanted to watch someone scream at Damon and Elena completely unnoticed, I’d just put a camera on myself . . .

*gingerly steps off soapbox*

In happier news . . .

Hot Fun in the Summertime

Last season’s TVD finale marked the blossoming of two (sort of) new romantic relationships.  After an entire season characterized pesky sire bond concerns, humanity switches in the off position, arguments about Silas and The Cure, and crippling cases of Survivors Guilt, Damon and Elena FINALLY declared their love for one another the night after Elena’s graduation from high school.

As for Matt and Rebekah, their courtship was much less complicated: a few longing looks, and sexually suggestive comments, culminating in a decision to spend a summer on the road engaged in a good old fashioned no-frills Screwfest . . .

Now, I’ll be the first to admit, I tend to prefer my TV relationships unbearably sexually tense, and frustratingly unresolved .  . .

What can I say?  I’m a girl who loves the chase?  Romantic bliss bores me . . . at least when it’s of the fictional variety.

That said, I was pleasantly surprised by how Damon and Elena and Matt and Rebekah behaved as couples.  I liked that both of these couplings seemed to make all parties involved better versions of themselves.

Source

The typically straight-laced Elena and Matt seemed happier, more carefree, and, of course, more sexually adventurous under the romantic tutelage of their naughty vampire counterparts.

As for Damon, he remained every bit of the snarky, sex-crazed, vampire I fell in love with three seasons ago.  And yet, finally obtaining the woman of his dreams has given him a certain maturity that his 170+ prior years on Earth never did.  In this episode, alone, we saw him take genuine fatherly concern in the well being of Jeremy Gilbert, the same kid he killed in Season 2 in a drunken rage fueled by romantic rejection.  Now, that’s progress!

Source

What’s more, Damon was willing to put aside the wounds of a 145 year long crush to help an ex-girlfriend in need, no sexual favors required.

Source

As for Rebekah, apart from the discovery that she might be bisexual, we learned little about what a summer of European sex with Matt has done for her personality.  But she did seem a bit less bratty than usual, don’t you think?

Source

Summer romances are easy.  The weather is hot.  The workloads are lighter.  And we’re all slightly more naked and carefree.

Source

The real test of these two functional couples will be weather they can survive the blustery fall and the long bitter cold of winter?  With Elena off having coed college adventures  . . .

Source

 . . . Rebekah embarking on TV spinoff territory, and Matt possibly turning into a Demon spawn, can these loves last through Sweeps Week?  Only time will tell . . .

Vampire College Hijinks

I know comedy is not the main purpose of this show.  But am I the only one who thinks that the writers missed a real opportunity for hilarity by killing off Megan, a.k.a. The Unwanted Third Roommate so quickly?

I mean, think about it.  These Mystic Falls vamps are so used to living around folks who think it’s totally OK to guzzle from a blood bag, require formal invitations to enter establishments, brainwash pesky teachers and neighbors, and occasionally nibble on a neck or two.

Source

Imagine all the fun that could be had by pairing go-with-the-flow vamp Elena and Type-A hyper vamp Caroline with a TRULY CLUELESS college coed (which, I suspect we will learn, Megan actually wasn’t).  I can already picture Elena and Caroline putting scrunchies on the door, to fend off Megan, not when they are having sex like most dorm mates do, but when they are engaging in a blood binge.  (Megan would probably think they were secret lesbians, as opposed to secret vampires.)

Caroline’s and Elena’s differing opinions about how to handle Megan also seemed ripe for situation comedy.  I can already see Caroline regularly compelling Megan (once she got her off the “protein” vervain water, of course) to do her bidding, and then going to ridiculous lengths to hide that compulsion from the more gentle-hearted Elena . . .

“I swear, Elena.  She just did all my laundry, because she REALLY, REALLY wanted to . . .”

Source

But alas, Megan was destined to be Senseless Death Patient Zero in this show known for introducing seemingly important characters to provide product placement, and then die quick and painful deaths 20 minutes into the series . .  .

That said, Megan’s odd connection to Elena’s father (suggested by the picture on her cell phone), her seeming knowledge of vampire lore (illustrated by her ownership of vervain, and her casual refusal to get Caroline and Elena invited into the frat party), and the way that her death was clearly perpetrated by, and promptly covered up by a vampire (bite marks . . .  fake suicide note), made for an intriguing introduction to this season’s college-based storyline.

(Speaking of faked suicides, rumor has it that if your college roommate offs themselves during the semester, you get straight A’s for the year.  If Elena’s and Caroline’s attendance records at Whitmore College are anything like the ones they had at Mystic Falls High, that perk is going to come in mighty handy for them this season.)

In other college coed news, Caroline is seemingly suddenly single, after her boyfriend Tyler, once again decided to dump her by voicemail, opting to defer his freshman year at Whitmore, in exchange for “helping out a werewolf pack that needs me.”

Yeah . . . because that worked out SOOOO well for you last time, Tyler.

As for everyone’s favorite Vampire Barbie, with new dude Jess clearly keeping his eye on her, and Klaus just a couple hours away in New Orleans, I suspect she won’t be single for long . . .

Meanwhile, back home . . .

Mr. Mom and The Juvenile Delinquents

Damon’s promise to Elena that he’ll be a good little house husband, while she’s off getting her learning on hits a bit of a snag, when he gets an unwanted visitor in the form of a newly human Katherine Pierce.

Source

One of the problems with spending your 500 years on Earth pretty much pissing off, breaking the hearts of, and/or eating everyone you meet, is that eventually Karma will come back to bite you in the ass in pretty major way.

Source

Such is the case with Katherine, who has such an impressive talent for losing friends and alienating people that, by the end of the episode, she literally has an ENTIRE TOWN of people out to get her . . .

Katherine may have lost her ability to run in high heels without getting blisters, drink 3 bottles of tequila without getting drunk, compel enemies to do her bidding just by staring at them, and appear perfectly clean despite rarely being seen showering, or brushing her hair . . .  (Seriously, Girlfriend was downright dirty looking this week . . . Thank goodness for Damon’s magical bathtub, or we’d probably be able to smell her through the TV screen.)  But her snarktastic sense of humor, seductive talents, and supremely selfish sense of self-preservation remain refreshingly intact . . .

As difficult as it must have been for Elena’s doppelganger to ask Damon, of all people, for help, she did it without batting an eyelash.  And, in doing so, she succeeded, at least temporarily, in gaining herself a powerful vampire ally in a world where it has literally become almost impossible for humans to survive through midseason .  .  .

Of course, by the end of the episode, she screws that up too.  But she still gets points for trying . . .

Speaking of navigating rough terrain, as if being the Creepy Kid Who Sometimes Talks to Dead People didn’t make him enough of an outcast, JerBear now has to add “came back from the dead” and “burned down his childhood home, just because he wanted attention” to his social resume.

The character’s inherent weirdness aside, I find it hard to believe that any self-respecting high school student would be stupid enough to attempt to beat up Jeremy after getting a look at those crazy muscles he’s sprouted in the past year in a half.  Seriously, DUDE IS JACKED UP!

Also, people rumored to have burned down their house?  Their usually not the kind of people you want to mess with.  Just saying . . .

And yet, on Jeremy’s first day back at school as a “real live boy,” he gets picked on by not one, but TWO ridiculously stupid teens.  So, he proceeds to wipe the floor with both of them . . .

Source

Now, I’m not generally a proponent of violence, but those two douchebags had it coming.  No one gets between a 16 year old boy and his cell phone . .. NO ONE!

Under normal circumstances, I suspect Damon Salvatore would be proud of his surrogate baby bro and law for sticking up for himself.  But Jeremy’s impending suspension spells trouble on the horizon between Elena and Damon, the latter of whom PROMISED to keep JerBear on the straight and narrow, while she was away at school .  . .

So, Damon tries his hand at the “Dad Thing” offering Jeremy a surprisingly paternal lecture, and getting him accepted back into public school with the help of a little good old fashioned compulsion.  As for the unruly Katherine, he offers her his protection and a much-needed bath.  And so peace at La Casa de Rich and Awesome is restored . . .

For about five minutes, anyway . . .

Dr. Stefan and Mr. Silas

Even underwater and about three-quarters dead, Stefan Salvatore can’t help but be his brooding, mopey self, hallucinating conversations with Damon, in which the latter instructs him to turn off his humanity (just like he told Elena to do last season), and conversations with Elena where she tells him to keep his humanity ON.

Meanwhile, Doppelganger Silas is having FUN!

Source

He’s wearing (gasp) un-ironed shirts!

His hair is less Christian Bale as Batman, and more Jim Carey in the Ace Ventura movies.

He drinks police women’s blood out of styrofoam cups, and then reads their minds, just because he can  . . .

Source

He knocks directly into Jeremy’s recently-healed over Hunter tattoo at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, silently daring the the former killer to recognize him as Silas.

He gets all flirty with Katherine in the bathtub, and then, mere seconds later, tries to strangle her, like its the most natural thing in the world.

When she slashes his face with a straight razor, and runs away from him he seems more amused than annoyed . . . the Devil’s version of foreplay.

Whereas Klaus’ villainy came from a place of impulsivity, a hunger for power, and a subconscious need for love and attention, Silas is much more purposeful and single-minded, always appearing to be at least one step ahead of his adversaries.

When Damon instructs Jeremy and Katherine to drive far away and not tell Damon where they are going (so that Silas cannot lift that information from Damon’s mind), Silas cleverly offers up the whereabouts of Stefan (who, up until this point, Damon did not even know was missing in the first place), in exchange for Damon turning in Katherine.

But Katherine’s pretty single minded too, when it comes to saving her ass.  And she orchestrates her own escape at Jeremy’s expense, by crashing Baby Gilbert’s car, while she and Mr. Muscles are still inside.

(OK, people REALLY have to stop murdering this kid.  It’s getting old . . .)

Source

It’s Daddy Damon to the rescue!  He lovingly holds JerBear in his arms, and nurses him back to life, by feeding him his own blood . . .

How sweet . . . and kind of gross . . .

By the time all this is happening, Katherine, of course, is long gone . . . but for how long?  And what exactly does Silas want from her anyway?  Methinks it has something to do with that annoying ass Cure they kept babbling on about last season .  . . the same Cure that now courses through Katherine’s veins . . . making her vulnerable, yet, at the same time, valuable.

In other words . . . she’s Elena 3.0 .  . .

Ain’t No Party Like a Mystic Falls Party . . .

If I lived in Mystic Falls, one thing I would never ever do is attend a party, or memorial service, or period-themed dance, or graduation ceremony, or film showing of the movie classic, Gone with the Wind . . .

In fact, I’ve become entirely convinced that Mystic Falls parties are part of a suicide pact among Mystic Falls residents.  They attend out of some mutually held agreement to regularly thin out the population, kind of like that short story I had to read in school called The Lottery, where spoiler alert, the winning townspeople got stoned to death . . .

This year’s “End of Summer” party is no different.

Matt meets up with the pretty lady Rebekah made out with in Europe at the beginning of the episode.  The good news?  She flirts with him, and gives him back his much coveted Ugly Ass Ring of Immortality.  The bad news . . . Matt has officially become one of the ill fated Bon Temps residents from Season 2 of True Blood.  Anyone whose seen the show knows exactly what I’m talking about . . .

This is what happens to you when you let strange men sneak up behind you and give you scalp massages while chanting in Latin, Matt!

Silly boy!

So, who the heck is this Nadia check, anyway?  And why is she giving Matt the black-color contact treatment?

Feel free to post your guesses in the comment section.

In other news, this Mystic Falls Party had a super special guest speaker . . .

SURPRISE!  IT’S SILAS!

Silas’ first order of business?  Kill the Mayor?  Why?  Because it’s fun!

Also, because the Mayors on these types of shows pretty much always have to be brutally murdered.  It’s like Supernatural Teen Show Rule Number 1.

Sorry Bonnie.  The bad news is that this show clearly hates you.  The good news.  Now you have a ghost dad!  Ghost Dads are fun!  Just ask Bill Cosby!

Next order of business, hypnotize the entire town to become your mindless Katherine Hunting Slaves .  . .

Now, admittedly that was pretty impressive.  But also kind of unnecessary.  Why didn’t Silas just brainwash Katherine, back when he had her in the tub?  She’s human after all, and presumably entirely susceptible to that sort of thing.

Then again, I guess if he did that the story would be over, and we wouldn’t have a show.  So, here’s to overly complicated plans for the murder of a single individual!  Cheers!

Next time on TVD . . .

See ya then, Fangbangers!

[My website][My Tumblr] [My Store] [My Fanfic]

Redemption Maybe? – Vampire Diaries Season 4 Revamped Part 3 – Klaus Mikaelson

“If you want to be bad, be bad with a purpose.  Otherwise you’re just not worth forgiving.”

These are the iconic words Damon utters to Klaus Mikaelson, during a mid-season conversation that’s about as “Meta” as TVD gets . . .

One could probably imagine a similar conversation taking place in the TVD writers’ room, around the time Plec and Co. got their greenlight to film the back door pilot to “The Originals.”

After all, Klaus had been the series’ main Big Bad for three seasons know, roughly 75% of the life of the show.   And now, there was a good chance the Original Hybrid would be blessed with a series of his very own . . . a series where the character would be featured, not as the show’s antagonist, but as its protagonist.

It was a tall order.  Fortunately, the writers  already had two templates as to how such a feat could be accomplished.  The first was another blonde villainous vampire, by the name of Spike, who made a similar journey from Season 2 Big Bad, to Season 4 Questionable Ally on the critically acclaimed TV series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

The second was Damon Salvatore himself, the ultimate TVD Bad Boy MOSTLY Redeemed . . .

Step 1 – Make the Villain Fall in Love . . .

Everyone remembers the first time Spike spied Buffy at a party, and was instantly plagued with an intense desire, both to kiss her, and kill her.  Damon felt the same way about Elena, the first time he laid eyes on her   . . . his brother’s girlfriend, who bore the same face as his lost love.  She seemed to be the ultimate pathway toward Sweet Revenge.

So, too did Klaus experience this conundrum, firsthand, when, to get revenge on his errant sire hybrid Tyler, he compelled him to lethally bite his girlfriend, Caroline . . . potentially ending her new vampire life, before it even really had a chance to begin . . .

When Klaus first arrives at the Forbes household, his motives are unclear.  Is he planning to let Caroline die, to teach Tyler a lesson in obedience?  Is he hoping to seduce her, thereby taking from Tyler, the one aspect of his life, over which Klaus, up to this point had no control?

Whatever Klaus had initially planned to do, it’s clear from the way he looks at Caroline, lying vulnerable on the bed, that he’s changed his mind.  Seeing this young woman, on the cusp of young vampire life, lying helpless before him, does something to Klaus.  It changes him imperceptibly.

So, Klaus tells this dazzling woman, what no one else would, that vampirism, while “dark” and “monstrous,” can also be beautiful, because LIFE is beautiful.  And then, he gives her a choice . . . immortality or death.  This insanely powerful vampire, who has done nothing that wasn’t directly in his selfish interest, from the moment he set foot in Mystic Falls, for the first time, relinquishes control of his life and his Master Plan to Caroline, for reasons he may not yet entirely understand.

The result is a scene that remains one of my favorites in TVD history . . . And this is coming from a staunch Damon fan . . .

Klaus may have begun his wooing of Caroline back in Season 3, through expensive gifts, vacation promises, and pictures of ponies . . .

But it wasn’t until Season 4 that Klaus really started making headway toward winning Caroline’s heart.  And he did it in a way that the Klaus of earlier season’s would never have even considered.  He did it by listening to her, opening up to her, and by not taking advantage of her when he had the opportunity to do so  . . .

Like, for example, when he was in Tyler’s body, early on in the Season . . .

Sure KlausiTyler comes off like a bit of a cad in this scene. But he’s also surprisingly chivalrous!  Michael Trevino does a great job conveying Klaus’ emotions during this season.  He’s clearly turned on and pleasantly surprised that the woman he loves is FINALLY attacking him sexually.  And yet, as much as he wants Caroline, there’s a part of him that can’t bear to have her under false pretenses.  So, he exposes his true identity, and, in doing so, loses the opportunity for Hot Hybrid Sex . . .

It’s the second “half-way” decent thing he did for Caroline in Season 1.  (Rescuing her from that anti-vampire cult, being the first.)  And there’s plenty more where that came from . . .

Let’s not forget that Klaus came as Caroline’s date to the Miss Mystic Falls Dance?

Just as Buffy reawakened the quiet poetic side of Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Elena awakened the selfless side of Damon, so too does Caroline seem to bring out an oddly lighthearted cheeky version of the usually single-mindedly power hungry Klaus.

He smiles, he jokes . . . he makes a good show of pretending to care about things that Caroline cares about . . . things that would otherwise have no meaning for him whatsoever, like pageants, proms, and party dresses . . .

And what girl wouldn’t appreciate a guy with the unique ability to be the Fairy Godmother to her Cinderella, while still looking like Prince Charming?

(Even if it does make you wonder what happened to all the girls who used to wear the dresses he stores in his closet?)

Of course, every budding relationship hits a bit of a snag.  And Klaus finds himself relapsing into old habits, when he, once again, is responsible for Caroline’s receipt of a lethal werewolf bite . . . a bite he issues himself, out of anger at Tyler, and Caroline’s brutal rejection of him . . .

And yet, when all is said and done, Caroline and Klaus make amends, and end up parting as “friends (?),” with Klaus temporarily ceding the love of his life to the same young hybrid that’s been a thorn in his side all season .   . .

You know what they say, “if you love something set it free, if it comes back to you, due to series cancellation, it was meant to be.”

So, why the ultimate change of heart, with respect to Tyler?  Especially, considering how intent Klaus initially seemed on keeping these two lovebirds apart indefinitely . . .

I suspect it had a little something to do with Step 2 of our Redemption Plan . . .

Step 2 – Find a New Big Bad, So the Old One Can Unite with the Scoobies Against Him . . .

In Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Spike joined the Scoobies after the ultimately corrupt initiative put a chip in his brain, preventing him from hurting humans.  This made Spike no longer a threat to Buffy and her gang.  It also gave him impetus to fight on their side, as it enabled him to kill the only type of being he still could . . . demons.

Likewise, in Season 2, Damon promptly put aside his differences with his brother, so the two could battle a mutual, and much more powerful enemy . . . Klaus, himself . . .

The writers must have had quite a difficult time coming up with a Bigger Bad than Klaus.  After all, we are talking about a 1,000-year old virtually unkillable vampire, who also possesses full werewolf powers.    But it wasn’t Silas’ strength that made him such a threat to the Scooby gang, it was his impressive ability at mental manipulation . .  .

Not only could Silas impersonate any person or thing, he could also see inside people’s minds, and expose their deepest darkest fears and secrets.  As a result, Klaus found himself reluctantly found himself in a role entirely foreign to him . . . that of VICTIM . . .

Sexy buff shirtless, victim . . . but victim, nonetheless . . .

Ahh yes, the infamous bloodline . . . another nifty way to align Klaus to the Scooby Gang, was for the writers to literally tie his survival to their own.  Thanks to some crafty mythology, Klaus can no longer die, because killing him would effectively demolish the ENTIRE CAST OF THIS SHOW . . .

I bet Spike is wishing he thought of that one.  It sure beats his method of maintaining character relevance . . .

While, in previous Seasons, Klaus was the Ultimate Enemy, like Spike and Damon before him, Klaus suddenly found his own personal interests aligned with Damon, Stefan, Caroline and co.  And so, he helped them, in their quest to defeat Silas, by solving the key to the Hunter’s Map that would lead to the vampire cure.  (He hoped to use that cure on Elena, so her human blood could produce more hybrids.)

“Human blood bag for all eternity . . . BFF . . . same difference.”

A vulnerable, lovelorn, character, fighting on the side of good, to defeat the Big Bad, who sometimes becomes prey to the ultimate predator . . . Season 4 Klaus sure sounds like a hero to me . . .

except when he isn’t .  . .

Step 3 – Keep the Former Villain Behaving Badly Enough That He Doesn’t Lose His Edge . . .

Heroes are great and all . . . but they can be SUPER boring.

So, when writers are tasked with redeeming a Bad Boy, they always must make sure he remains just evil enough to still be interesting.  (Plus, there’s the ever present issue of character consistency.  A guy like Klaus doesn’t just automatically start shaking hands and kissing babies, just because he fell in love with a pretty girl!)

And so, for every kind, romantic, or selfless act Klaus committed in Season 4, he had to do something truly awful, just to balance things out . . .

Revenge Sex with Hayley . . . definitely not your finest hour, Klaus . . . (hot triangle tattoo notwithstanding)

No act was more awful than the Christmas Massacre Klaus committed in episode 9 of the Season.  Betrayed, once again by Tyler, and the hybrids, who Tyler systematically taught to break themselves of their bond with the Original, Klaus is BEYOND pissed.  This single calculated act has painfully exposed the Original Hybrid’s two Achilles Heels’ his pride and his loneliness.

And so Klaus lashes out in the only way he knows how, by ripping from Tyler everything he cares about.  Murdering 13 people in a single episode,  one of whom is a completely harmless human.  It doesn’t get much more villainous than that . . .

And yet, as Caroline once said, “Anyone who can love, is capable of being saved.”

Can New Orleans be Klaus’ salvation?  Can Caroline?  How about that ridiculous plotline spawn in Haley’s belly?

Throughout Season 4 of TVD, Klaus has shown himself to be capable of both exceptional good, and horrifying evil.  But is it enough to make him a relateable protagonist on his own series?  A series without Caroline . . . the woman, who made all this sort-of redemption possible?

Only time will tell . . . and for an immortal like Klaus, time is definitely on his side . . .

Speaking of everyone’s favorite Vampire Barbie, she’s next on my Re-Vamped list.

See ya then, Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com] [My Tumblr] [Fangirls Forever]

From Being the Eternal Stud to “Taking Care of the Kids” – The Vampire Diaries Season 4 RE-Vamped Part 2: Damon Salvatore

Source

“I’m just stuck here fighting my brother, and taking care of the kids,” gripes Damon Salvatore to a ghostly Alaric in the middle of Season 4.

It’s a line that pretty well encapsulates the Elder Salvatore Brother’s role this season, in the same way that “Life sucks, wear a helmet,” another iconic line of his, embodied his role in Seasons 1 through 3.

Like many things about this season, being a Damon fan was a bit of a mixed bag in Season 4.  On one hand, in comparison to other seasons, the self-proclaimed stud had things pretty easy.  I mean, sure, he had his share of beat downs, stakings, and neck snaps, but there seemed to be a lot less of them than in previous seasons.

Even his “Lethal Werewolf Bite,” in the Season Finale seemed less painful and certainly less symptomatic than his similar Brush with Death in Season 2 .. .

Also on the bright side of things, let’s not forget that DAMON FINALLY GOT THE GIRL . . . not just once, but TWICE in a single season.

Source

And even during the episodes when Damon and Elena weren’t together, he was constantly proving his worth by supporting and accepting her, when others turned their backs.

Sounds good right?

So, why the “mixed bag” you ask?

Well, this was actually the first season that Damon Salvatore came very close to assuming Sidekick Status on his own show!

I mean sure . . . he was being a “Good Guy” and “Taking care of the kids,” but at what cost?

In previous Seasons, Damon Salvatore always had his own distinct character arc . . . one that was refreshingly separate from, though always tangentially related to, whatever drama he had going on with Stefan and Elena at the time.

In Season 1, Damon transformed himself from an angry villain hell bent on vengeance against his brother, and the town that sent him on his path to destruction .  . .

. . . to a hero, willing to risk his life for that very same brother and town.

In Season 2, Damon went from a lovesick puppy, who pined over the same woman over a century at the expense of everything in his life, to a man capable of sharing his heart and soul, not just with one woman, but with three: Elena, Rose and Andie, each in different ways.

In Season 3, Damon struggled to find a balance between his loyalty to his absent brother, and his undeniably intensifying relationship with Elena.  As if that wasn’t difficult enough, he also endured two huge losses.  Alaric and Andie were the only two people with whom Damon felt he could truly confide, without judgment or accusation.  When they died, he felt more alone than ever . . .

In Season 4, Damon’s character arc was noticeably less distinct.  He helped Elena deal with her newfound vampirism.  He coped with the implications of the sire bond, and what they meant to his love life.  He mourned the loss of Elena’s humanity.  He struggled with the decision of whether or not to give Elena the Cure to Vampirism.

Elena, Elena, Elena . . .

Can’t a guy get a storyline to himself?

That said, Damon did have quite a few defining character moments this season.  And I would be remiss, if I didn’t point them out in this post.

The Matt Donovan Dichotomy

I find it interesting that, in the premiere episode of the Season, Damon blames, and wants to kill Matt, for his unwitting role in Elena’s Journey Toward Vampirism.   (Had Stefan allowed Matt to die, Elena would have stayed human.)  And yet, at the end of the Season, Damon is the only character to recognize that Matt is the key to Elena’s regaining her humanity.  Damon’s ability to ultimately accept Matt as an integral part of Elena’s life, shows a huge amount of growth on his part . . .

Ch . .  . ch . . . ch . . . CHANGES

As a staunch and unapologetic Damon Fan, I was deeply offended by the fact that all the kindhearted things that Damon did for Elena during her early days as a vampire, were immediately discounted by TVD characters, and fans, alike, as a result of that pesky sire bond.   Yes, the sire bond was arguably to blame for Elena’s initial inability to drink blood from anywhere other than the human vein.  And yes, the sire bond both initially triggered Elena’s suffering from the Hunter’s Curse (Damon accidentally suggested that Elena should kill Connor), and ultimately cured her of that same curse.

But that doesn’t make the unconditional love and acceptance Damon showed Elena during those difficult early weeks of her transition any less sincere.

After all, Damon knew nothing about the sire bond, when he took Elena under his wing, and helped her to accept her new life as a vampire.  He helped her, comforted, and supported her, when no one else would, not because he knew she was supernaturally programmed to obey his every command, but because he loved her unconditionally, even during those times when she was at her most vulnerable and least loveable . . .

If Damon had his choice, he never would have chosen the Sire Bond for Elena.  So, why should he be punished for its existence?

Punish the writers for that one!

The Humanity Conundrum

Though Damon cannot be held responsible for the Dreaded Sire Bond, he’s a bit more culpable when it comes to the birth (and eventual “death”) of Humanity Free Elena.  Hard to shift blame on THAT one, especially when Damon literally MADE Elena turn it off . . .

Now, in Damon’s defense, his heart was certainly in the right place.  In one sense, Damon understands Elena’s dark side, in a way no one else does.  He knows and respects the part of her that isn’t all hearts and roses.  Damon also hates to see Elena in pain, and instinctively understood, that, in the days, following her last living relative’s untimely demise, Elena needed a vacation from the more self-righteous aspects of herself.

What I think Damon SERIOUSLY underestimated, was Elena’s capacity and hidden affinity for BAD.  In a way, it was almost comical how shocked and offended the Salvatore Brothers were, when Elena started being rude and biting strangers, when that’s precisely what EVERY SINGLE VAMPIRE DOES WHEN HIS HUMANITY IS TURNED OFF!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t like Humanity Free Elena either.  But, perhaps, her existence was necessary, in order to get Damon and Stefan to take her down from that pedestal they both kept her on for three seasons.

The Pedestal . . .   Here was yet another way that Damon proved himself worthy of Elena’s love this season.  While Stefan promptly washed his hands of Elena, the moment she stopped behaving all sweet and cuddly around him . . .

. . . Damon merely shrugged off Elena’s “evil” antics, and became more determined than ever to get her the Cure . . . even if that meant losing her to her brother for good.  (And let’s not forget, that it was ultimately Damon who discovered the precise route toward FINALLY putting Elena’s humanity on reboot.)

Yes, the CURE.  Never has a plot device been such a royal pain in the ass .  . .

Damon made no bones about how he felt about the Cure.   He didn’t want it.  And he didn’t really want Elena to take it either.  Because as much as Damon deeply misses being human, and the touching vulnerability that comes with it .  . .

. . . he loves being a vampire more.  And I’d like to think that Damon wanted that for Elena too . . . wanted her to learn to accept the odd joys of vampirism, and come to accept her new self, even more than he simply wanted her in his bed at night .  . .

Yet, nonetheless, when Damon got his hands on the cure, at the end of the season, he was going to give to Elena . . . even though her humanity was on, and she was back to herself.  He was willing to give it to her,  if she desired it, because he valued her happiness above all else . . .

Well .  . . almost all else . . .

Damon Salvatore is not a black and white character.  He lives in the shades of grey, in between, even in seasons like this one, designed to show off his “softer, more romantic side.”    That’s what I’ve always loved about Damon.  Just when you think he’s going to go and get all mushy on you, he does something surprisingly shallow, like choosing death over taking the Cure, aging, and wrinkling that pretty face of his .  . .

I adore the fact that Damon can still be selfish and shallow, because it makes him all that much more real to me.  And I guess, based on Elena’s ultimate choice in the Season 4 finale, Elena Gilbert feels the same way . . .

Even an Eternal Stud Needs an Ego Stroke, Every Once in a While . . .

When every woman in the world is a sly smile, and compulsion-laced stare away from sleeping with you, it’s easy to get a swelled head.

Damon Salvatore always did a pretty stellar job of portraying himself to the world as self-assured, to the point of arrogance . . . about his looks, his strength, and, most importantly, his sexual prowess.

But beneath all that bluster and bravado, was a vulnerable vamp who was surprisingly insecure . . .  one who had been taught, by the first woman he had ever loved, that no one could ever love him, on his own merits.

In past seasons, it was always the external things that kept Damon from finding happiness with Elena.  HER feelings for Stefan . . . HER distrust of Damon’s motives . . .HER fear of the dark influence loving Damon would have on her soul.  But in Season 4, the greatest enemy to Damon’s finding happiness with Elena was Damon himself.    As thrilled as Damon was when Elena FINALLY chose to give herself to him, in early Season 4, he was also cautiously skeptical.

And it was this skepticism, that plagued his consciousness with doubt of Elena’s true feelings, the minute that pesky sire bond came into play . . .

After four seasons, Damon had come to accept Elena’s rejection, as a matter of course.   So, when she behaved differently with him, it was difficult for him to lower his guard and just live in the moment.

The look on Damon’s face in the Season finale, when Elena FINALLY chooses him, of entirely her own accord, is one of beautiful ecstasy, but also one of shock . . . almost as if he can’t believe that fortune and true love have finally found him . . .

Damon’s happiness in “Graduation” is hard fought, and well deserved.  As Damon fans, we rejoice in the opportunity to share this with him  . . .

At least until next Season, when the writers will undoubtedly screw it up . . .

And there you have it . . . Damon Salvatore in Season 4.

Next up?   The Big Bad with an odd penchant for drawing snowflakes, and collecting Caroline-sized dresses in his closet . . . Of course, I’m talking about Klaus Mikaelson .  . .

See ya then, Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com]  [My Tumblr] [Fangirls Forever]

The Vampire Diaries Season 4 – RE-Vamped: Part 1 – Elena Gilbert – From Virgin to Vixen to Vampire and Back Again

Funny thing about recaps . . . they pass their “Sell By” date pretty quickly.  If you’re a day or two late . . . no problem.

But by about the fourth day after the episode aired, your detailed play-by-play is starting to smell a bit like sour milk.

This is particularly true during May Sweeps, when every night heralds a new season finale to discuss and dissect over the proverbial water cooler.

For this reason, I’ve decided that, instead of offering up your garden variety recap, this blog series is going to be more of a TVD Season 4 Retrospective, with a few Season 5 predictions / wishes thrown in for good measure.

Don’t get me wrong, I still ABSOLUTELY plan on talking about all the CRAZY that went down during “Graduation,” (How could I not?  I’m a Delena fan, after all.)  I’m just going to do organize things a bit differently . . .

What follows is a brief look at each Scooby Gang character’s arc this season.  We’ll talk about the Good . . . the Bad . . . and, of course, THE SILAS of each . . .

This first installment will feature everybody’s favorite Brunette Baby Vamp . . .

Elena Gilbert

Season 4 of TVD was definitely the Season of Elena . . .

Yes, yes, I know.  Every season of TVD is technically the Season of Elena.  She’s the Special Snowflake, after all . . . the character everyone loves . . .

. . . wants to befriend . . .

.  . . hates . . .

. . . wishes to enslave . . .

. . . wants to kill.

But this season, for the first time, plotlines had less to do with how other characters interacted with Elena, and more to do with how she reacted to them.  Perhaps, even more than that, Season 5 was about how Elena reacted to herself, and the Changes she was undergoing.

Turning Elena into a vampire was arguably one of the show’s most polarizing decisions.  On one hand, from a feminist perspective, it was nice to see an empowered, dangerous, Elena, as opposed to her damsel in distress incarnation from previous seasons.

On the other hand, on a show where so many of the main characters were vampires, it was difficult for fans to extensively sympathize with Elena’s struggles with transformation.  Yes, anger issues, blood lust, hunger, fangs popping out at inopportune times . . . these are all frustrating.

But the writers struggled to convince viewers that they were somehow MORE frustrating and painful for Elena, than they were for Stefan, Damon, Caroline, or any of the other vamps in Mystic Falls.

So, in order to make Elena’s transformation story uniquely compelling, the writers had to raise the stakes.  They made her incapable of drinking blood from anywhere other than the vein . . .

They made her first impulse kill a vampire hunter, and saddled her with a crazy-making Hunter’s Curse . . .

They gave her . . . the dreaded SIRE BOND . . .

Talk about polarizing!

I suspect if you ask TVD writers, many were surprised by how violently fans responded to this particular plotline.  After all, from a purely mythological standpoint, the strong bond of loyalty and obedience between Maker and Made is nothing new.  We’ve seen it on other vampire series, like True Blood and Twilight.

TVD itself even explored such a relationship previously between Klaus and Tyler.

The difference here was that, in this case, the Sire Bond wasn’t used as a plot device to bring characters together.  It was meant to break them apart.  Delena fans were frustrated by the implication that Elena’s being turned by Damon’s blood somehow cheapened the romantic relationship the pair had been gradually building with one another over the course of three seasons.

Furthermore, they were infuriated by the fact that the first time Damon and Elena FINALLY got to do the deed, it was interrupted by scary music, and an ANNOYING conversation, during which Caroline and Stefan explained the nature of the sire bond.

Damon fans were frustrated by the writers seeming refusal to let the Elder Salvatore Brother ever “get the girl,” under genuine circumstances.

They felt that the sire bond cast a dark pall over Damon’s actions toward Elena.  His rescue of her from the hunters curse, his solution to her “blood problem,” his acceptance of her new vampire form, when all her friends seemed to shun her, these should have been seen as gallant and romantic.  But, under the shadow of the sire bond, they seemed somehow manipulative and controlling.

Stelena fans, devastated by the couple’s break up, early on in Elena’s vampire transformation process, latched on to the sire bond as evidence that the Damon and Elena relationship wasn’t “real.”  But that didn’t make the coupling any easier for them to watch.

Vampire mythology gurus complained that the show’s explanation for the sire bond was inconsistent and nonsensical, not only in comparison to other series’ sire bond explanations, but to the rules the show previously created for itself.  They wondered, for example, how, if the sire bond was so rare, how Damon managed to have two women develop this bond to him, while all the other non-hybrid vampires of the world had none.

They asserted that if the sire bond developed as a result of preexisting feelings of love between Maker and Made than why did neither Stefan nor Damon develop such a bond with Katherine Pierce.

And finally they complained about how Elena, who seemed perfectly capable of disobeying Damon during the first week’s of her vampirism, suddenly seemed completely incapable of ignoring his plans, the moment the bond was revealed.

Come to think of it, perhaps, the Sire Bond wasn’t all that polarizing.  Pretty much, everyone hated it . . .

Fortunately for fans, the sire bond plotline only lasted a few weeks.  After that, Elena had another Unique Vampire Problem, with which to cope . . .  her newfound lack of Humanity.

Humanity Free Elena stemmed from what was, in my opinion, one of the most powerful, and well executed plot twists of the season . . . Jeremy Gilbert’s death.  “Stand By Me” was a heartbreakingly beautiful and powerful TVD episode, during which Elena literally lost everything she cared about . . . her brother .  . . her home . . . her will to live . . . and finally, her ability to love.

Given the careful and clever way in which Humanity Free Elena was introduced, I think many fans, initially, were on board with this new version of an old character.  They wondered how she would distinguish herself from Katherine . . . the other “Bad” version of a character played by Nina Dobrev.

They gleefully, if a bit concernedly, contemplated how Elena’s newfound evilness would impact her usually all-consuming love life.  They tried to guess what type of “villain” Evilena would be . . .

The fans response to Humanity Free Elena was a bit of a mixed bag.  Some fans enjoyed just how different she was than regular Elena.  To the writer’s credit, unlike with their development of Ripper Stefan, back in early Season 3, the TVD crew pulled no punches here.  As far as “moral compass” characters go, Humanity Free Elena was pretty terrible.  She insulted EVERYONE . . .

She tried to eat most of her friends . . .

She broke the neck of random waitress . . .

She stole clothing and cars . . .

She dyed her hair pink .  . .

And yet, as a villain, Elena wasn’t quite as much fun as others of her ilk.  She wasn’t a master of wry one liners like Damon . . .

. . . or a sex kitten like Katherine . . .

She lacked the dignity of Elijah . . .

.  . . and the unexpected charm of Klaus.

Even Ripper Stefan, at his worst, had a sort of so- frightening-you-can’t-look-away ravenous menace to his character that Evilena lacked . . .

As for the show’s EPIC love triangle, Elena’s lack of Humanity, for all intents and purposes, placed it entirely on hold, frustrating fans on both sites of the Stefan versus Damon debate . . .

But, eventually, like her Inability to consume blood bags, her Hunters Curse, and her Sire Bond, Elena’s lack of humanity came to an end.  The plotline concluded with a touching reaction on Elena’s part to the almost-death of her first boyfriend Matt.

At this point, the storyline shifted away from Elena, and on to Silas, his Apocalypse, and of course the Cure . . .

Having made quite a few missteps with Elena’s characterization this season, I think the writers ultimately got it right at the end.  Giving the cure to Elena’s nemesis Katherine was an inspired move, for a few reasons (most of which, I plan to discuss in the Katherine section of this series).

Source

For one, it showed that the cast and crew were committed to Elena’s continued vampirism.  They didn’t take the easy way out, by “undoing” it at the last moment.

Another thing the writers did right was having a humanity full, vampiric, non-sire bonded or hunters cursed Elena choose Damon during the season  4 finale, just as she chose Stefan at the end of Season 3.  For starters, this choice will enable the writers to truly explore the Delena relationship under genuine circumstances, something they never got a chance to do in Season 4.

Source

Now, I may be in the minority here, but I adored Elena’s declaration of love to Damon in “Graduation.”  Her insult-laced monologue was more romantic to me than any goopy poem about roses and hearts ever could be.  For me, it perfectly summarized what captivated me about this relationship, when it was first introduced, back in the middle of Season 1.

That Damon loved Elena when she was a human was a foregone conclusion.   After all, Human Elena was easy to love . . . kind, generous, sweet, and damn near perfect.

But the true test of Damon’s love for Elena came when she became a vampire . . . Flawed, and, at times, savage.

Vampire Elena was not quite as easy to love, as her human counterpart.  This is evidenced by the way other members of her Scooby Crew, began to treat Elena, shortly after her transformation.

And yet, when everyone turned against Vampire Elena, Damon stuck by her.  He told her that he loved her unconditionally, for exactly who she was . .  . human or vampire . . . wild and impulsive or restrained . .  . tough or vulnerable.  Those were just the details.  None of them mattered to Damon.  She was still the girl of his dreams.

Up until this point, Damon’s insecurity regarding his relationship with Elena had to do with the fact that he was never sure that she felt the same way about him, as he did about her.  Back in the earlier seasons, Damon always felt like Elena was trying to turn him into Stefan.  She seemed to be constantly judging his actions, urging him to DO better, and BE better.  Then, the Sire Bond came around.  And even though, during that time, Elena seemed altogether accepting of Damon, he could never be sure whether her acceptance was real.

However, in the finale, Elena stands before him and confirms, vehemently, that yes, Damon can be impulsive, aggressive, short-sighted and foolhardy.  She knows this all too well about him.  Yet, Elena loves Damon, not just in spite of his worst attributes, but because of them.  And isn’t that really what all of us want in a true love?  Someone who can not only appreciate and embrace our beauty, but our ugliness as well?

Presumably, next season will feature a brighter, shinier Elena than this Season incarnation.  Her brother is alive again.  Her humanity is on.  She’s got a new hot boyfriend to whom she isn’t sire bonded.  All is right in the world . . . at least until about five minutes into the Season 6 premiere . . .

And there you have it … Season 4 Elena in a nutshell.  Next up, the eternal stud of the Salvatore Household . . . Damon!

www.juliekushner.com           My tumblr                          fangirls forever

How Ya Like Me Now? – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “The Originals”

Source

Now there was a time when you loved me so.
I could have been wrong, but now you needed to know
See, I’ve been a bad, bad, bad, bad man.
And I’m in deep.  Yes I am.
I found a brand new love for this man 
And I can’t wait till you see.
I can’t wait
So, how you like me now?

-Lyrics to “How ya like me now?” by The Heavy.

How ya like me now?  It’s the song that sexy villain vampire Marcel sings in a karaoke bar in New Orleans, to introduce himself as Klaus’ charming, but intensely arrogant, new nemesis, in the early moments of this week’s episode of TVD.

Source

It’s also the question chief in the minds of the TVD writing staff.  The crew undoubtedly watched the episode with their fingers crossed, silently praying that you’ll still “like” Klaus, Elijah, Rebekah, and Hayley (though, let’s face it, no one ever really liked Haley), now that they’ve packed their bags and left Mystic Falls in exchange for a swankier (and much more culturally diverse) NOLA address.

From a strategic perspective, it seems like the perfect time for a spinoff like this.  With nearly four seasons behind its belt, TVD is quietly creeping toward middle age.  (By this time next year, it will be eligible for syndication!)

Source

And a well-executed spinoff might be just what the doctor ordered to breathe new life into a franchise that’s been struggling of late.  Plus, it’s not like these characters are untested newbies.  Klaus, Elijah and Rebekah are all TVD veterans, each with substantial fanbases of their own.  (Klaus and Elijah have both been around since late season 2, and Rebekah, since early season 3.)

Yes, The Originals certainly has within it the makings of a great show.  The question is: did its backdoor pilot deliver?

Let’s review, shall we Fangbangers?

Source

Have Gumbo, Will Travel . . .

Lactating?

Still on the hunt for her dead family, Hayley day drinks at a bar in New Orleans, where the chef notoriously puts a piece of her soul in every pot of gumbo she makes.  (You know, kind of like Voldemort and his Horcruxes.  And I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not eat a horcrux.  Thank you very much.)

“Mmmmm Soul Food . . .”

Bar Tender Jane Anne gets a little touchy feely with Hayley, when she shows her a map to a location in the bayou, where werewolves supposedly used to frequent.  We find out why, after the werewolf leaves.  Jane Anne promptly walks back to the kitchen were Soul Food Sophie is slaving away.  She’s clutching a massive clump of Hayley’s hair, like it’s a trophy of some sort.  (Yuck!  I hope they aren’t planning on mixing it in the gumbo, with all those horcruxes!)

Then again, they are probably just using it for this spell . . .

Hey, Soon-to-be-dead Jane Anne uses candles and salt to do spells!  Just like that OTHER witch we know . . .

I wonder how she avoids those pesky nosebleeds . . .

I guess now we’ll never know . . .

Anywhoo, Jane Anne’s spell is rousing success, in that it gets Hayley’s car to break down, and causes her to temporarily DIE.  (Though, I suspect Klaroline fans are wishing that death was permanent, after this episode . . .)  Just as she falls to the ground, the witches magically appear just in time to catch her, and drag her into the bayou.  Bonnie could use some serious tutoring from these girls . . .

Marcel’s Rules

KLAUS: “I’m going to break your neck, and then rip out your spine”

MARCEL: “I’m going to chew off your shoulder, and then eat your face off.”

RANDOM NEWSIE CAP-WEARING GUY: “Geez, get a room you two.  Your PDA is making me uncomfortable.”

Upon learning from a witchy fortune teller that Marcel has taken over New Orleans, in Klaus’ absence — rendering the town’s witch population essentially powerless against him — Klaus just has to see this for himself.  So, he heads off to a Karaoke bar, where Marcel is auditioning to be on the cast of Glee . . .

“If that Puck guy can play a highschooler, so can I!”

Klaus and Marcel do that thing Alpha Males do, where they threaten each other, than act like it’s all a joke, and they really love one another, when actually the threatening part was closer to the truth . . .  Klaus, apparently, is Marcel’s sire, which immediately tells us a few things.  (1) Flashbacks are inevitable.  (2) Even if Marcel found some magical witchy way to kill Klaus, he wouldn’t be able to pull it off.  Because a dead Klaus means, not only a dead ENTIRE TVD CAST, but a Dead Marcel as well . . .

Source

I mean, all vampires SAY this.  But Klaus is the only one who can actually mean it . . .

And yet, while Klaus may have Marcel beat in the game of Eternal Living.  Marcel has one thing that Klaus has always desperately wanted, but never seemed fully able to obtain (even though he created an ENTIRE RACE OF BEINGS just for this purpose): FRIENDS!

As Katherine astutely notes, later in the episode, Klaus’ Achilles Heel is his loneliness.  He has nobody to play with but himself. . .

Marcel, on the other hand, has an Entourage so large that it makes the guys from Entourage look like losers . . .

Marcel is literally friends with the entire city . . . though I guess he’s friends with them in the way girls in high school are friends with that b*tchy head cheerleader.  They are deathly afraid of him.  But they have to at least pretend to like him, so he doesn’t literally chew off their heads  . . .

Source

That said, I instantly like Marcel.  I actually think he’d be kind of fun to hang out with, in the way that douchebaggy, evil, sort of people, can sometimes be fun . . . particularly douchebaggy, evil people who like karaoke . . .

Klaus instantly covets this kind of loyalty.  But before he can steal all of Marcel’s newsie-cap wearing, hipster friends away from him, he has to deal with the little problem that sent him here in the first place . . . the witches that supposedly want him dead.  Marcel, being the generous guy that he is, is more than happy to help his old friend Klaus solve this little problem . . .

You killed Jane Anne!  (Bastards)

Source

Death By Tree . . .

Oh Jane Anne, we barely new thee . . .  You made pretty designs with salt, and played with Hayley’s hair.  And then you died with a goofy expression on your face, after being interrogated by Marcel on a dark city street, in the company of his entourage.  Jane Anne wasn’t about to give up her reasons for using the heretofore forbidden magic . . . certainly not to the guy who forbid her from using it. And for that, she paid the ultimate price.

Fear not, Jane Anne.  You’ll live to die again . . .

As far as deaths go, being impaled by a tree branch, isn’t the one I’d choose.  I mean, on one hand, it leaves you with a pretty pristine corpse, apart from some unsightly neck hickeys.  On the other hand, YOU WERE KILLED BY A TREE BRANCH.  And that’s just sad, sad, sad .  .

MURDERER!

Even Klaus seems sad for Dead Jane Anne.  Though, I suspect his sadness has less to do with him actually giving two craps about a bartending witch, and more to do with the fact that he feels he might have lost his chance to figure out why these witches seem to want him dead.

Marcel is sorry, but not sorry, about literally killing Klaus’ lead . . .

Source

So, Klaus heads to the Gumbo Bar to ask the grieving Soul Food Sophie about what exactly her sister’s beef with him was . . .  Sophie’s well acquainted with Klaus from bedtime stories her mother used to tell her.

Now, I don’t know about your bedtime stories.  But mine generally didn’t involve a guy who EATS people.  Sophie’s mom must have hated her guts to tell her bedtime stories like that.  Maybe that’s why she puts horcruxes in people’s gumbo . . . bad childhood.

Anywhoo, Sophie stays mum about the whole magic thing with Klaus, because they are being watched by members of Marcel’s entourage.  Klaus responds to the secret stalking in a surprisingly gentlemanly way, by offering to buy his stalkers expensive Scotch . . . after threatening to remove their spines.  This act of kindness enables him to earn an adorable nickname from the cute new bartender, who conveniently appeared in town, just as the ORIGINAL bartender lost her neck . . .

I hope they enjoyed that Scotch.  Because it’s the last they will ever have . . .

A Man Who Knows How to Make an Entrance . . .

Though initially ambivalent about helping his younger sibling . . .

Source

 . . . Elijah ultimately decides to do the brotherly thing, by murdering Klaus’ stalkers when they attempt to silence Sophie  . . .  And no one has a more artistic flare for murder than Elijah . . .

Suave Elijah . . . he sure knows the way to a woman’s heart, doesn’t he?  That bludgeoned organ was like a Valentine’s Day card to dear Sophie.  All that was missing was a poem, and the words “Be Mine.”

Then, he got the second stalker impaled against a wall!  Color me turned on . . .

Source

I wonder what kind of bedtime stories Sophie’s mom told her about Elijah . . .

She’s having my baby!

Source

“Dammit.  I knew I shouldn’t have eaten all that gumbo.  Is there a bathroom around here?”

In the Big Reveal of the evening, Elijah brings together Klaus and the NOLA witches for a Peace Treaty of sorts.  As it turns out, the witches aren’t out to kill Klaus, at all.   Rather, they are hoping that Klaus will save them from King Marcel and his tyrannical Magic Free rule . . .

King Klaus, huh?  And the witches think this will be a SAFER alternative for them?  Seriously?  Did they only watch the Klaus/Caroline parts of Seasons 3 and 4 of The Vampire Diaries.  Did they miss the part where Klaus brought to extinction an entire RACE of hybrids . . . a race that HE CREATED?

Logic notwithstanding . . . the witches have an ace up their sleeve, one they think will win them Klaus’ loyalty.  And out pops Hayley . . .

Klaus scoffs at this.  Clearly, the witches didn’t watch the Klaus/Caroline parts of the show either.  “I don’t give a sh*t about Hayley!”  Klaus says, more or less.   “It’s not like the sex was THAT good.  And, besides.  Everyone knows I prefer blondes.”

“Not so fast, Klaus,” the witches warn . . .

Clear Blue Sophie . . . the only pregnancy test for your knocked up teen werewolf

Detecting pregnancies . . .well, now that’s a nifty magical power!  Some might argue it’s even cooler than playing with salt, and lighting candles, without suffering from a nosebleed  . . . (Then again, after about three months, MOST people can “sense when a woman is pregnant.”  It’s called WEIGHT GAIN!)

Source

Damn straight, it’s impossible!  1,000-year old hybrids and werewolves making babies together?  What’s next?  Sparkly vampires impregnating humans, who have to be turned into vampires, after they give birth to creepy kids who reach adolescence, by the time they are a year old?

Being a typical guy, Klaus immediately wants a paternity test, accusing Hayley of slutting around with someone else in Mystic Falls.  (How hilarious would it be if the baby actually ended up being Tyler’s?)

But Hayley says, “Nope, all you, Big Guy!  No one else on TVD liked me enough to sleep with me.”

Klaus uses his vampire hearing to detect the baby’s heartbeat. And he is briefly touched by the notion of an unborn Mini Klaus in the tummy of his one-night stand.  But then, he quickly reverts back to petulant child mode.  “Kill the girl, and the baby.  See what I care,” Klaus shouts, as he stomps off into the darkness . . .

“But Daddy . . .  I thought we had a Moment!”

Elijah follows Klaus to try to get him to reconsider.  He tells him that a baby can be just what the broken Mikaelson family needs to get a fresh start on life .  . . a path back to their humanity.  (Silly Elijah, don’t you ever watch Lifetime Movies?  The baby never saves the failed marriage .  . . not even magical babies, like Mini Klaus.)

But Klaus’ pride will simply not allow him to do the witches’ bidding, not when he feels like they manipulated him, and underestimated his intelligence . . .

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Source

In other family news, the Honeymoon between Klaus and Marcel is clearly over.

Source

Furious at Marcel for having him followed, Klaus threatens to bite one of the King’s little boyfriends.  And later, when Marcel starts getting all territorial, and calling NOLA his city, Klaus makes good on that threat . . .

Awww . . . Newsie Cap Guy!  You’re too pretty to die!

Death by Klausi-kiss.  Now, THAT’S a much better way to go than Death by Tree Branch . . .

Message sent and received.  Marcel may have his rules.  But those rules simply don’t apply to The Original Hybrid . . .

Artsy Fartsy

Always a sucker for a spunky blonde and some good artwork, Klaus begins to reconsider the whole Daddy Situation, after engaging in a rather loaded conversation with Bartender/ Psych Major Camille about a street vendor’s art, which seems to literally speak to Klaus’ soul.  (Another horcrux, perhaps?)  Camille describes the painting as done by someone who is angry, dark, lonely, and doesn’t like to be controlled . . .

It probably didn’t help that the painting in question kind of looked like this . . .

Every King Needs an Heir . . .

Source

Whether it was the poopy painting, or the Caroline lookalike who talked to him about it, something about the experience causes Klaus to have a change of heart . . .

“IT DOES EXIST!”

Klaus and Elijah wax nostalgic a bit, about their youthful days spent in New Orleans.  (And by youthful, I mean they were only in their 600s.)  Klaus admits to his brother that he wants what Marcel has . . . power, friendship, family, loyalty, and a kingdom to call his very own.

And yeah, if that kingdom just so happens to include Hayley’s spawn, so be it . . .

In his first boldly political move to regain power over the Treme, Klaus makes peace with Marcel.  He rescues Newsie Cap guy (YAYYYYY!!), by feeding him his blood, and politely asks his former vampire kid for permission to stick around awhile.  Marcel accepts Klaus’ apology, but is smart enough to know that this detente between the two is only temporary, as the town is certainly not big enough for both of their massive egos . . .

Elijah too makes plans for a more permanent stay in Spinoff Land, by boldly cutting off ties with that sex kitten, Katherine Pierce, in the final moments of the episode . . .

What’s the matter Elijah?  You have something against getting laid?

Look, I get it, Elijah.  Family is important.  But I don’t see why you can’t have your family, and eat Katherine out too.  Just sayin . . .

Speaking of liaisons . . .

Sweet Caroline?

So, remember when Klaus promised Caroline that he’d be her personal travel companion, and willing cosmopolitan tour guide, for all eternity?

Source

Apparently, so does he!  A deep appreciation for art and culture is always something Klaus and Caroline shared.  Even though Klaus had the opportunity to travel the entire world, whereas Caroline’s existence, up until this point, has been limited to the confines of a sometimes stifling small Virginia town.  So, it’s natural that Klaus would think about Caroline, while traveling in a city as rich and culturally unique as New Orleans.

And given the general easing of relations between the two, of late, it’s hard to imagine that Caroline would be able to keep the smirk from her face, as she listened to this message.

I may be in the minority here.  But I’m one of those people who think Caroline would be better served as a cast mate on The Originals (with the option to return to TVD, if the series went south, of course).  For starters, for the past two seasons, Caroline hasn’t had a solid plotline that didn’t involve Tyler (gone) or Klaus (also now gone).  Though her friendship with Stefan is “cute,” I don’t really see a strong character developing future for Caroline on TVD, as the series stands.

Another reason, I’d like to see Caroline head off to NOLA is for the simple fact that girlfriend is GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL.  And given her clear desire to travel, and strong appreciation for art and beauty, it seems natural that Vampire Barbie would want to head to college somewhere outside the bounds of her hometown.

Get on that pony and ride, far, far away, Caroline!

But will she take Klaus up on his offer?  Sadly, I suspect not.

TVD has been hemorrhaging characters, left and right, of late.  And I suspect the loss of one of its few remaining leading ladies would be too much for the show to  bear.

But hey, you never know . . .

So, Fangbangers?  Tell me, what did you think of The Originals.  Were you relieved to see these ancient jet setters FINALLY seeking out some classier digs?  Does Sexy Marcel make for a more intriguing villain than that Identity Thief Silas?  Are you glad Gentleman Elijah has started eviscerating people again?  And yeah . . . how about that BABY?

www.juliekushner.com    Fangirls Forever

Last Weekend at JerBear’s (sniffle) – Part 1: A Sort of Eulogy to The Vampire Diaries’ Jeremy Gilbert

Greetings, Fangbangers!  In addition to my being away from home these past couple of days . . .

. . . another lame excuse valid reason for this recap being MASSIVELY late is that, honestly, I wasn’t quite sure what tone to strike with this review.  I mean, normally, for an episode where a character dies, but everyone proceeds to “hang out” with him for the entire hour, as if he’s still alive, I’d make a few inappropriate Weekend at Bernie’s jokes, and call it a day . .

But this is Jeremy Gilbert, we are talking about!  My JerBear!  One of the last few, proud, representatives of Team Human!

Well . . . at least . . . he WAS human . . .

JerBear was the heart and soul of this show . . . its Moral Compass  . . .

. . . well, except for that time when he did all those drugs . . . and chopped that guy’s head off . . . and murdered that Really Nice Hybrid . . . and indirectly killed 12,000 vampires . . . and tried to murder his sister.

But other than that  . . . TOTAL Moral Compass!

And though this episode was spectacular in terms of its powerfully written scenes, and the stellar acting performances of everyone involved (most notably Nina Dobrev, Ian Somerhalder, Zach Roerig, and Candice Accola), as a Goodbye Episode for our JerBear, a character whose been there since Day One. . .  well . . . I mean . . . he literally just laid there and stunk up the joint.

Source

Think about it.  Alaric got a candlelight vigil . . .

. . . Uncle/Father John got to give a poignant monologue . . .

. . . Aunt Jenna got a classy funeral . . .

. . . even those doofuses from the Anti-Vampire Council got a memorial service.

JerBear got burnt up on the couch, and was left there to rot . . .

Source

So, I decided that, before I begin my recap proper (which I will do, in Part 2), it would only be right to include a REAL tribute to the one, the only, Mini Gilbert,  the TVD Scooby Gang’s very own Scrappy Doo . . .

Jeremy Gilbert was a character with humble beginnings.  Back in Season 1, he was the “tortured artist” . . . the bratty emo loner kid / erstwhile pothead who abuses drugs, and gets swept up in the “Bad Crowd” just to please a girl . . .

I think even Steven R. McQueen himself, would admit that JerBear began the show as a bit of a cliche . . .  And yet, McQueen somehow managed to give this paint-by-numbers character a certain amount of gravitas that it wouldn’t have had in the hands of a lesser actor.

Things got a bit more interesting for TVD’s youngest cast member, as the season wore on.  Of course, no one could forget his hatred / thinly veiled homoerotic tension with then-Alpha Male Douchebag, Tyler Lockwood . . .

But I think the real defining moment for Jeremy Gilbert came when his character got embroiled in a surprisingly sweet, and almost innocent (but not quite, because those two f*&ked like bunnies) relationship with the mysterious and alluring, but refreshingly geeky, Vampire Anna . . .

Already an orphan, and having lost his first two loves, Vicki and Anna, to vampire related death, in the course of a single season, JerBear’s life was pretty much in the sh*tter through most of season 2.

Source

And the poor guy inadvertently made a career of getting his ass kicked, and/or getting killed / revived (thanks to a supernatural ring, and a witchy pal) just about every other episode.

Then, came the deaths of literally every guardian figure he ever knew  . . .

Did I mention how the writers randomly decided to turn him into The Kid from The Sixth Sense, around Season 3?

It would be enough to make even the strongest of teenagers, curl up in a ball and never come out of bed.  But through it all, Jeremy was surprisingly resilient.

Rather than turning him inward, Jeremy’s losses helped open him up to some pretty awesome bromances with Alaric Saltzman . . .

Damon Salvatore . . .

Source

Tyler Lockwood . . .

and, most recently, Matt Donovan . . .

We’ll just conveniently forget about that snoozer of a relationship he had with Bonnie Bennett .  . . you know the one where he chose to date a CORPSE over her, because that was more exciting for him .  . . and us . . .

And through it all, Little Brother Jeremy was fiercely loyal to and protective of his sister . . . at least when he wasn’t trying to stake her newfound vampire ass . . .

And this season?  With this whole Vampire Hunter thing?  It really did seem like Jeremy Gilbert was destined for big things . . . and no, I’m not just talking about his INSANE pectoral muscles . . . thank you, for those, by the way, Mr. McQueen . . .

He also got to flex his acting muscles, as a supernatural being, conflicted by his love for his sister, and his overwhelming instinctual desire to destroy her . . .

Deeper exposition of The Boy Named Jeremy Gilbert finally seemed inevitable . . .

But alas, it was not to be . . .  Damn you, Katherine Pierce . . .

. . . and FRIGGIN SILAS!

Goodbye, JerBear!  You may be gone, and your rotted stinky body may have been burnt to a crisp by your now feelings-free sister, but you will never be forgotten . . . unless we’re compelled by vampires to forget you . . . or we  just smoke too much pot . . .

Onward to the recap!  Coming (relatively) soon to a blog near you . . .

[www.juliekushner.com]Fangirls Forever]

I Know What You Did Last Silas . . . – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Into the Wild”

Source

Nothing like a little change of scenery to shake things up a bit.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, we all love getting wasted on whiskey at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls . . .

And getting staked at Elena Gilbert’s house .  . .

And getting chased by psychopaths down the hallway of Mystic Falls High . . .

And we DEFINITELY love getting wet in Damon’s shower . . .

But sometimes we all can use a break from the daily grind of getting our hearts ripped out of our chests . . .

. . . and hot no-frills sex . . .

. . . and drama with a capital D.

Sometimes, we just need to . . . go to Canada . . .

This week’s installment of TVD was a literal detour from week’s past, in that a good portion of it took place on a remote island off the coast of Nova Scotia . . . Lost Island Silas Island.  So, strap on that backpack, hold your ancient headstone up high, and practice your “expression,” Fangbangers.  Because it’s time to head . . . “Into the Wild.”

[As always special thanks to Andre, who photographs Steven R. McQueens pectorals more lovingly than Bonnie Bennett ever could . . .]

Bushy hair is whacked!

It’s Super Short Flashback Time!  Professor Dumpy Dork is being chased through the forest by . . . wait . . . is that Johnny Depp’s character from The Lone Ranger?

I guess we can take this to mean the natives are on Team Dead Kol, when it comes to letting The Cure stay buried, right alongside other Discarded TVD Plotlines, like Damon’s Crow and Bonnie’s decision to date her sort-of brother?

“Now, where was Johnny Depp, last week, when I was getting my ass handed to me at Baby Vamp’s house?”

Back in the present day, our Scooby Gang (minus Caroline and Tyler) arrives on Lost Island Silas Island in their trusty canoes.  (Who knew Mystic Falls had its very own Eastern Mountain Sports store?)  Professor Dumpy Dork waxes poetic about the island, and makes some lame vampire sunscreen joke to Damon, who looks unamused.

“Are you sure?  It smells like coconuts?”

Then, Rebekah and Elena try to stake one another in front of Stefan, who looks VERY amused, but has to pretend he’s not . . . you know, to protect his image as the Brooding Tortured One.

Hey . . . you know what . . . while we are waiting for something exciting to happen, let’s go ahead and give our Scooby Gang their Lost identities for the hour.  After all, this is the Lost episode of TVD, after all.  (For those of you who never watched Lost, feel free to skip down to the next section, as this part is going to make absolutely no sense to you.)

Professor Dumpy Dork, of course, is our Benjamin Linus.  You know, the guy who fans new was bad news, the minute he appeared on screen.  And yet the Losties took about a season to figure out the exact same thing . . .

=

Damon is that uber sexy snarky rascal, Sawyer (naturally) . . .

=

Which, I guess makes Elena, the intrepid Kate . . .

=

Source

And Stefan the serious minded doctor with daddy issues, Jack . . .

Depending on your personal feelings about her, Rebekah could either be the started-out-as-an-Other, but-turned-into-an-ally / plucky love interest blonde, Juliet . . .

Source

 . . . or the bratty, doomed-to-die blonde with brother issues, Shannon . ..

Our warrior Jeremy, will double as THEIR Warrior, Sayid . . .

=

Also starring Bonnie Bennett as . . .  the Smoke Monster . . .

X Marks Jeremy’s Nipple

Now, I like obligatory shots of Steven R. McQueen’s naked flesh as much as the next girl . . .

But could someone please tell me why they waited until the crew got to FREEZING COLD LOST ISLAND for Bonnie to start snapping pictures of JerBear’s hot bod?

They couldn’t have done that before they left . . . like, say, in Jeremy’s bed?

Because the way Bonnie was fondling that tattoo definitely seemed illustrate a bit more than “scientific interest” on her part . . .

And let’s be honest, as far as Maps To the Cure go, this one seems to pretty much be the Easiest One to Read EVER.  I mean, we are pretty much talking about a straight line from Jer Bear’s right arm to his left nipple.  Not much room for error, there . . .

As for the theory that JerBear’s hunter tattoo is not a map at all, but a “spell to awaken Silas,” that theory ends up pretty much being a dead end too.  So, in other words, the Scooby Gang just had thousands of vampires, so that Jeremy could look sexier with his shirt off . . .

Makes perfect sense to me!

This is My Confession . . .

Damon Salvatore .  . . He’s an enigma, wrapped in pain, wrapped in love, leather, and a nice behind .  . .

He was a self-proclaimed monster, with a deep dark secret, one he couldn’t bare to share with anyone, who would live to tell it to anyone else.  Damon Salvatore was a vampire, who missed his humanity . . .

And yet, unlike a certain other Salvatore, he was never ashamed of who he was.  And when the woman he loved also turned into a vampire . . . well . . . it didn’t change how he felt about her, in the least . . .

So, he taught her to love herself, which, in turn, helped her to realize that she loved him . . .

Why am I recapping all of this for you?  Well, basically, because I found Damon’s admission this week, that, not only did HE not want the cure,  but he didn’t want Elena to take it either, a bit confusing.

Source

Now, don’t get me wrong, I particularly enjoyed Ian Somerhalder’s acting this week.  There was a certain wistfulness about him, that we haven’t seen in some time.  I loved the resigned sadness on his face, as Elena fervently reassured him of her continued love for him, human or vampire.

Source

It was quite obvious that Damon’s history wasn’t letting him believe her.  Yet, he really WANTED to believe her.  And, above all, he wanted her to be happy.  So, he pretended to be happy too, even though, inside, he was miserable.

Source

Source

That made sense to me.  What didn’t make sense was Damon’s sudden shunning of Elena . . . his assertion that he wouldn’t want to be with her, while she got old and died, and he stayed the same age . . . even though, for three seasons, the love unrequited Elder Salvatore seemed like he would have given the world for that opportunity.

Source

Was Damon lying to himself?  Was he subconsciously trying to make himself believe that he could no longer love a human Elena, so that it would hurt less, if she stopped loving him?

Then again, maybe, the writers are just doing a little ret-con to make the inevitable plot twist of DAMON dying and coming back as a human, while Elena stays a vampire, more epic.

And, while we’re on the subject, shouldn’t this so-called sire bond, have immediately caused Elena to shun the cure, once she realized that her taking it would displease Damon?

Whatever the reason, I cheered when Damon tried to beat the sh*t out of Professor Dumpy Dork.  (A least someone has finally wised up to the idea that this guy is up to no good.)  And I was kind of bummed, when Elena stopped him.

Speaking of the Shanester . . .

Fake Aztec Moonstone Curse 2: Electric Boogaloo

I don’t know about you guys, but for me, there was something about Shane’s flashback stories that struck me as a little bit . . . what’s the word I’m looking for here . . . oh yeah, FULL OF CRAP!  Let’s review, shall we?

(1) This week we learn that Bonnie’s witch ancestor buried Silas alive, to punish him for planning to use HER cure for immortality spell on ONE other woman.  And yet, the Scooby Gang somehow believes there’s enough of this cure for all the vampires in the world?

(2) Professor Shady Douche claims he got this entire idea for the Journey to Rescue Silas from a  . . . hallucination he had of his Crazy Dead Witch Wife?  And no finds that the least bit disturbing / odd?

(3) The “Good” Professor boldly admits that route to the cure involves THREE massacres, not the two he’s already brought about.  And NONE of these people, who have just been brought to a deserted island . . . where no one can hear you scream . . . is the least bit worried, that they’ve been brought here not because they have some big rock in their pants, or a gnarly tattoo, or a nice ass, or a nosebleed problem . . . but because they are PIGS FOR SLAUGHTER?

And, finally (4) any plan that involves Poor Man’s Benjamin Linus protecting the increasingly volatile Bonnie Smoke Monster from erupting hot lava all over Canada, just seems doomed to fail from the get-go.

But hey, what do I know?  I’m just the lowly recapper, right?

Two Vamps and a Stefan . . .

Damon’s Lady Troubles render him unusually incapable of snark this week.  Fortunately, Rebekah hops right in to the role of comic relief, lobbing zingers, left and right, mostly at her favorite target  . . . Elena.  From her wry determination that Elena was the only one who brought nothing to the table, when it came to the Scooby Gang’s quest for the cure (though, it could be argued that, since carrying a headstone requires only one vampire, not two, Rebekah, herself was equally useless) . . .

Source

 . . . to her later insistence that she saved Elena from the flying spear of an angry native, because she wanted the perky brunette’s death to be EPIC, Rebekah had me chuckling multiple times throughout the episode.

Oh, and let’s not forget her wise recognition of Damon’s ASS-ets . . .

I also related very much to Rebekah’s obvious fear, as the group sat at the Blair Witch Campfire that night, of things going bump in the night.  Many would argue that an All-Powerful Original Vampire shouldn’t fear lesser supernatural creatures, like ghosts and dumb natives.

Source

But I’m personally terrified of spiders and cockroaches, so I certainly can’t fault her for that . . .

Plus, it gave her a nice excuse to cozy up close to Stefan, a union I fully support.

In addition to being funny, Rebekah also appears to be the Voice of Reason in this episode, when she reminds the rest of the Scooby Gang, that they are all just as evil murderous monsters as she is . . . killing anyone and everything that gets in the path of the people she loves.  So, why don’t they all just cut the crap, and work together?

And work together is precisely what Stefan, Rebekah, and Elena ultimately decide to do . . . after Damon, JerBear and Bonnie disappear, and Wanna Be Ben Linus makes off with their precious headstone . . .

“Smell ya later, losers!”

Elena even offers Rebekah back her “Originals Take a Nap” Dagger, as a sort of peace offering.

I mean, it’s not like they have any other options. We interrupt the I Guess NOT Everybody Loves Elena After All Show, to bring you . . .

Klaus in a Box

Back in Mystic Falls, our loveable Box inhabitant gets his very first visitor, Tyler.  (Welcome back, Tyler!)  At first, they just growl and snarl at one another a bit, and exchange “I killed yo mama / yo brudda jokes.”

Tyler smugly notes that, once his Scooby pals get The Cure, they will use it to “humanize” Klaus, and break the sire line.  This way, they can kill him, without subsequently murdering everyone in the cast.  Look at you, Tyler. . . a few months as a hybrid, and already you are an Expert in Vampire Mythology And Other Things Completely Unknown to the Rest of the World.

(Except, a certain in-the-works spinoff tells us all, this isn’t actually going to happen.  So, thanks for playing, Tyler.  Better luck next time.)

Then, Caroline pops over to do a little happy house cleaning.  I liked very much how her version of disposing of Kol’s dead corpse was putting a blanket over it.  That’s how I handle most of the stains in my house, so I can relate.

When Klaus tries to appeal to Caroline’s good will for a Get Out of Box Free Card, she scoffs at the idea, insisting that Klaus “is not worth the calories she burns” yelling at him.

Huh?  Since when does Vampire Barbie not like to burn calories?  Don’t all girls like to burn calories?  Are vampires even capable of burning calories, considering they are . . . you know . . . dead . . . and stuff?

So, many questions.   Unfortunately, we won’t have time to answer any of them, because, the minute Caroline finishes speaking Klaus stakes Caroline, and bites her neck, rendering her unconscious, and, prospectively doomed to death by werewolf venom poison.

It looks like someone should have created a smaller Klaus Box . . . BONNIE!

So, now Caroline is dying . . . again . . . and it’s shades of the last time Caroline was dying from a werewolf bite.  Except, this time, instead of sort of / kind of compelling Tyler to do it, this time Klaus “bites” the bullet, no pun intended, and does the dirty work himself . . .

“Now, that was well worth the calories,” Klaus jokes.

(Stupid boys and their fast metabolisms.  They think it’s just soooooo easy to burn off a late night bite of Caroline . . .)

Tyler is horrified . . .  Caroline is on the Gilbert fainting couch, looking really pretty for a near-death girl.  Tyler begins to bargain out of desperation, “If you save her, I’ll be your b*tch again,” he pleads hopefully.

“Been there, sired that,” Klaus replies . . . more or less.

So, Tyler carries Caroline home to die in peace . . . annnnd then he brings her back.

(Now, that’s what I call a good workout!)

Tyler leaves Caroline to die in front of Klaus, which had to be a tough thing for him to do, on multiple levels.  For one thing, there is no guarantee (at least in Tyler’s mind) that Klaus will save her.  So, there’s a very good chance, he will return to the Gilbert’s house to find her dead.  For another,  Tyler is basically leaving the woman he loves in the arms of another man, hoping that THAT man’s love will be enough to allow her to continue living.  AWKWARD!

From a character development perspective, I kind of wish the producers lingered on Tyler’s face for just a few brief moments, after he “dropped Caroline off.”  I think it would have added an extra layer of poignancy to the scene.  But unfortunately for Tyler, this storyline ended up not really being about him at all . . .

Like with Damon’s scenes this week, Klaus’ and Caroline’s “moment” was more notable for the brilliant acting displayed during it, than for the writing that made up the scene itself.  I’ve never really considered myself much of a Klaus fangirl (waves at blogger pal, Amy / Imaginary Men).  However, there’s just something about his Angry!Cry that just melts my heart to mush, every time I see it . . .

Source

And Angry!Cry was in full force as the dying Caroline dangled the carrot of The Redemptive Power of Love in front of his face.  “I’ve caught myself wishing I could forget all the horrible things you’ve done,” Caroline says, in one labored breathe.  “Anyone capable of love, is capable of being saved,” she says in another.

Source

Girlfriend is like a Life-sized Dying Hallmark Card . . .

But it worked . . . on Klaus, anyway . . . who Angry!Cried his bloody wrist to Caroline’s lips, just moments before she took her last breath . . .

Deja-vu?

Back at Lost and Found Island . . .

Jer Bear gets kidnapped by (I think) the axe murdering Johnny Depp, who tried to kill him, earlier in the episode . . .

“You’re not really Johnny Depp!  Liar!”

Bonnie Smoke Monster makes some . . . wait for it . . . Black Smoke.

Damon wanders off to sulk, and gets temporarily killed by a (hot?) vampire hunter, as punishment for being overly broody . . .

Professor Evil drags new hostage Jer Bear and Bonnie off into the sunset to find Silas.

But at least he’s taken that ridiculous flashlight hat off his head . .

He looks like the forgotten cast member of The Village People.

Ruh-roh . . .

Next week, on The Vampire Diaries, meet Hot Vaughn: Vampire Hunter Extraordinaire.  Here’s hoping he lets us see HIS Hunter Tattoo, before the hour is up . . .

Tune in next time to find out who!  Until then, Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]