Tag Archives: salvatore brothers

Heart of Glass – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Before Sunset”

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Hey Fangbangers!  So, we’re just a week away from the Season Finale of TVD.  And characters are dropping like flies, here in Mystic Falls.  You know, for supernatural beings, these folks sure DIE a lot (die . . . un-die  . . . re-die . . . faux-die . . . tie dye . . . die again).

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Sometimes it gets quite difficult to keep track of who’s dead, and who’s . . . well . . . undead.  (But hey, that’s what recaps are for, right?)

So grab your morning paper, and your balls . . . er . . . I mean soccer balls . . . and head on over the Wickory Bridge to Mystic Falls . . . a Vampire Town with a Drinking Problem.  We’re dying for you to join us . . . for a little TVD-cap.

Caroline: “Let’s play ‘Never Have I Ever!'”

Tyler: “Oooh . . . I got one!  Never have I ever died on this show.”

Elena: “Umm . . . yeah you did!”

Tyler: “I know . . . but so did all of you!  Everyone drink up!”

(As always, special thanks to my screencapper extraordinaire, for all the pretty pictures you see here.  If I were Klaus, I’d draw him a pony for all his hard work and dedication . . .)

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Nothing says loving, like a pony pic!

The Clean-up Crew

The episode begins with some creepy, and seemingly completely random Civil War photographs.

Awww . . . now THERE’S a nice, happy inspirational picture to hang up in your classroom!

Oh no!  Not another flashback episode.  I always hate those.  Oh wait . .  . I see what you did there, writers . . . Alaric’s a history teacher.  Sometimes I forget he actually has an occupation aside from drinking and playing with his Chunky Monkey.  And now he’s about to try to murder his own friends.

Is it just me, or does the toy on the horse look like he’s giving the other toys the finger?

Just like our ancestors murdered one another, back during that epic bloody battle.

This toy kind of looks like Klaus does at the end of the episode . . . 

Man, I love when TVD gets all “deep” on us.  It makes me feel “smart and sophisticated.”  Now, I don’t have to watch PBS or the History Channel ever again.

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Hey, did you ever notice how Alaric only seems to actually attend classes when he’s “not himself?”  If you recall, Alarklaus taught history classes, back in Season 2.  He even chaperoned the school dance!

Now, Nouveau Ric is hanging out at the high school as well, and on a weekend, no less!  If only the Administration knew how mich being possessed improved Alaric’s work ethic, they probably would have done it themselves, a long time ago.

“I don’t even really like teaching.  But the benefits are unmatched.  And now that I have fangs, I could really use a good dental plan.”

Speaking of the academically inclined, 1,000-year old Rebekah is another character who seems to attend high school more than anyone else on the show.  I mean, seriously, who volunteers to be on the 8 a.m. clean-up crew for a dance for which they spent the entire time lying dead in a coffin with a stake through their heart?  Now, that’s dedication!

“Popularity is super important to me.  After all, if I didn’t have friends?  Who would I eat?”

But Rebekah’s not alone.  Caroline’s on the clean-up crew too.  Two blonde vampires picking up trash together . . . it’s a commercial for Garbage Woman Barbie!

I’m sorry.  That was politically incorrect.  Of course, I meant “Sanitation Worker Barbie.”

Typically at odds with one another in a “b*tch stole my look and my social life” sort of way, Caroline and Rebekah actually seem to be on their best behavior this morning.  With their respective claws retracted, the two Alpha females even go as far as to exchange banal pleasantries with one another . .  . like, for example, “Golly gee!  I was so sorry to hear that your mother tried to murder you, stole your body, and is now definitely dead . . . again.”

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And, “Oh yeah, same goes for that dead history teacher of yours.  I know you really liked him.  It’s a real shame that he decided to die just like your DAD rather than become an undead bloodsucker, like the two of us.”

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You know, the usual sort of chitchat . . .

Speaking of America’s favorite vampire slaying history teacher, Rebekah runs into Alaric . . . or, perhaps I should say, Nouveau Ric by the lockers.  And suddenly, I’m having flashbacks of “The Reckoning.”  (Remember that one . . . back when Klaus was still the Biggest Baddest Vampy in town, and Stefan still occasionally ate Elena . . . in more ways than one?)

Only this time, Rebekah is playing the role of the Damsel in Distress, for a change.

“Phew, your breath is rank, Nouveau Ric!  What do you use to brush your teeth? Codfish?”

Fun times and Phallic Hijinks ensue, as the pair wrestle with the big shiny weiner-like object that is the Invisible Originals-Killing Stake.  Vampire Barbie Caroline hears the commotion, and rushes to join Klaus Barbie in the fight.  This is actually kind of erotic . . .

Caroline: “You know, this is the closest I’ve ever come to being in a threesome.”

Rebekah: *whistles uncomfortably*

Rebekah: “Hey!  No fair!  You can’t just pull it out like that?  What do you think this is,  the rhythm method?”

Of course, Caroline’s no dummy . .  . at least, not in this episode.  She knows when a fight is hers to lose.  And this one has Death Trap written all over it.  So, the littlest Forbes quite wisely makes a run for it.  (It looks like the gym will have to be cleaned some other time.  Hope no one was planning on  using it for. . .  like . . . actual physical education and stuff.)

Don’t you just hate it when you’re trying to get to your car (because some psycho killer wants to shove a big stake up your ass), and your door won’t open?  Poor Caroline!  It seems that, while you can indeed run from Vampire the Vampire Slayer, driving away from him is not an option, especially when you can’t get into your car.  I hope the company that made Caroline’s car didn’t pay for THAT product placement. 

Caroline: *sigh* “If only I had ONSTAR to help me to open my car door, in desperate situations like these.” *winks at camera*

Alaric knocks out Caroline with frightening ease, before dragging her temporarily unconscious, and always lifeless, body across the concrete, wheelbarrow-style.  Ouch!  She’s probably going to feel that in the morning.  While all this is going down, we see Rebekah, in the distance, observing the situation with a mixture of horror and smugness.  Undoubtedly, in this moment she is thinking, “Now, I’m the fairest of them all, B*tch!  The Prom Queen title is MINE!”

“I’d help her out . . . but I don’t want to ruin my manicure.”

Oh, did I forget to mention that Alaric’s face is falling off?

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Why do I suddenly feel like I’m watching the Thriller video?

Oh Esther, you silly little, pursed lips, completely lacking of facial expression, witchypoo, you!  You would think that as the MOTHER OF ORIGINAL VAMPIRES, she would have at least remembered to give her little Frankenvampire creation a Sunscreen Ring, so that he could play with his fellow fangy friends in the daylight.  (“But MOMMY, all the other vampires have them.  NO FAIR!” I could picture Alaric whining, upon learning of this unfortunate turn of events.

“Snookie and the Situation lied.  Gym, tanning and laundry are definitely overrated.”

But noooo Esther . . . you had to make him suffer unnecessarily, in furtherance of your stupid-totally-doomed-to-fail, because the Scoobies always win or there’d be no show brilliant Vampire Extinction Plan.  Super Villain FAIL!

Then again, I guess you had your reasons . . . like the fact that the episode needed a title . . . and a Cinderella “They all turn back into pumpkins at midnight” type timeline to “heighten the intensity.”

“Mystic Falls, we have a problem . . . another one.”

Back at the Gilbert House of Death, Misery, and Hideous Floral Décor, siblings, Jeremy and Elena, are innocently painting not-so-dead Alaric’s bedroom a lovely shade of toothpaste green.  (That will teach you not to DIE LIKE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO, Alchy Ric!  Now your bedroom vaguely resembles snot.  I hope you are proud of yourself.)

If Alaric had a grave, he’d be rolling over in it . . . Then again, considering this is a guy who willingly decorates his classroom with pictures of dead people, and the Civil War equivalent of GI Joes,  he’s not exactly an Arbiter of Taste, either.

Stefan arrives on the scene to offer his trademark Sad Smile (also, presumably to kill some time, since “Murder and Mayhem” don’t appear on his calendar today, until about noon.  To say that Petulant Pouty Jeremy (Oh, how I missed your misery Jer Bear!  Unhappiness is SO hot.) is less than thrilled to see one of his sister’s multiple undead suitors on the scene is the understatement of the century.

“I challenge you to a wet t-shirt contest.”

(Then again, it’s possible that Mini Gilbert is simply jealous of Elena’s popularity with members of the opposite sex . . . human or not.  After all, his own ghost girlfriends seemed to have stopped calling him entirely.  I mean things have to be REALLY bad in the relationship department, when women who lack corporeal bodies aren’t willing to bone you.  I’ll bone you, Jer Bear!)

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Let’s face it Jer, when she stops haunting you, while you’re on the toilet . . . she’s just not that into you.

“All I want is one day without vampires,” Jeremy gripes.

(And hey, considering we are one week away from the season finale of the show, Jeremy might get an ENTIRE summer without vampires .  . . unless he watches True Blood.)

Though he tries to play it “cool,” Stefan seems a bit hurt by Jeremy’s statements.  (It’s time to grow a thicker skin, Stefan!  You would think that having been alive for nearly two centuries, you would have at least one or two insults lodged at you that were harsher than the equivalent of:  “Vampires suck.  I wish they’d stop trying to bone my sister.”)

“I know . . . it’s just .  . I just finished watching The Notebook again.  And I’m in a really vulnerable place, right now.”

This, obviously, puts Elena in an awkward position, as she tries to broker a fragile peace between all the men in her life.  Fortunately she doesn’t have to broker for very long, before there is a knock at her door.  Surprise!  It’s the other man in her life . . .  some would say the Best Man (I know I would!)

Still in her flapper costume, nearly 24 hours later.  This takes Walk of Shame to a whole new level.

Of course, I’m referring to Damon, who’s currently hanging out on Elena’s doorstep with a Bloody Bonnie by his side  . . . a bloody Bonnie, who he has undoubtedly scraped off the floor and fed his own blood, after a zombified version of herself gave him a migraine and let then-almost vampire Ric give her a massive hickey on her neck.

And they say Damon isn’t the forgiving type . . .

So now the Scooby Gang knows that Ric-ipoo is not-so-much-dead.  The next challenge is for Bonnie to come up with the Witch Ex Machina to make him definitely dead.  Oh Bonnie, you are sooo the Velma of your Scooby Gang  . . . always stuck with your head in boring spell books, while everyone else is breaking sh*t, beating people up, and getting laid.

Sometimes, the truth hurts.

Meanwhile, over at La Casa de Richer and Awesomer, But Not as Well Furnished, it’s Rebekah’s turn to want to kiss Mystic Falls goodbye.  Next week, it will be Klaus’ again .  . . oh . . . wait .  . . nevermind. But Klaus isn’t about to skip town without his prized bloodbag Elena.  How else would he be able to create an unlimited array of hybrids who would be eternally gay for him (even the female ones)?  Rebekah pleads for him to reconsider.  After all, wasn’t the whole Hybrid Thing really just a convoluted end-run around being alone?

And hey, Klaus doesn’t NEED to be alone anymore.  He has his family now . . . you know, the folks he carried around in coffins for hundreds of years, just for fun . . . well . . . except for his mother (dead), his father (deader), and Finn (deadest) . . . but Klaus never really liked them anyway, right?

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Ahhh . . . but here’s the rub.  Klaus’ family isn’t quite as gay for him as the hybrids are.  They misbehave, have opinions of their own, occasionally fight back.  Unacceptable!

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Sorry Rebekah!  Hybrids, for the win.  It looks like you will be leaving this sorry ass, one-bar, town alone . . .

Klaus Mikaelson . . . Worst . . . Paperboy . . . EVER!

Oh Klaus . . . sketcher of smiley ponies . . .

.  . . painter of poop . . .

It has been quite some time, since we got to see you kick some genuine ass.  And no, I’m not just talking about your threatening to “kill everyone [insert name here] loves; or getting your hybrids to kick asses for you . . . I’m talking about honest-to-goodness acts of impressive villainy.  “Before Sunset” finally allowed us to see some of that . . .

 . . . annnnnd then Klaus died.

Shortly after he learned the truth about Nouveau Ric, Klaus paid a little visit to the Gilbert house to retrieve Princess Elena.  The problem, of course, is that, unbeknownst to Klaus (and everyone else in the house, for that matter), Elena is out rescuing Caroline, whos’s been held hostage by Nouveau Ric at the school.  To be honest, I don’t know if “rescuing” is ever a good word to describe for what Elena does for other people .  . . since it always ends up with Elena in danger, and people coming to rescue her.  Maybe what Elena does should become it’s own adjective: “Elena-ing.”

“Hmm . . . who’s number is this in my cell phone?  TV Recapper?  DELETE!”

Either way, neither the Salvatore Brothers, nor Mini Gilbert, have any intention of letting Klaus in the house.  This, of course, pisses Klaus off royally.  And so, he responds by doing what Klaus does best . . .  He throws a temper tantrum.

Have you ever played that old video game, where you’re the Paperboy, and the object of the game is to get all the papers on your “route” to land on the stoop, as opposed to  . . . hitting the neighbor’s dog, or breaking windows?  Yeah . . . well, let’s just say Klaus has other strategies in mind.

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Suddenly, the Original Hybrid is chucking newspapers, soccer balls, pieces of white picket fence . . . anything he can get his hands on  . . .

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 . . . at the not-entirely-unsuspecting Salvatore Brothers, who are expertly ducking them all.  It’s like one big crazy game of dodgeball!

I don’t know about what Klaus is doing. It sure seems like an awful lot of work to me just to get into a house.  As another, much more talented recapper (Entertainment Weekly’s Mandi Bierly) than I pointed out, Klaus’ brother Elijah accomplished the exact same thing, with nothing more than the loose change in his pocket.

Also, not to point out the obvious, but what the heck are the Gilbert’s neighbors going to think about all this?  Then again, given all the CRAZY INSANE-O things we’ve seen go on at the Gilbert house, these past three seasons, the fact that the neighbors NEVER ever thought to call the cops . . . or better yet move . . . probably means that they are all dead anyway.  (Maybe Klaus ate them?)

Or Stefan . . .

Once the gang finally figures out where Elena actually is (thanks to a helpful call from Nouveau Ric, himself), it should come as no surprise to anyone that Saint Stefan is the one that encourages Klaus to join Team Scooby in it’s weekly installment of the “Save Elena” games.   After all, they all want the same girl, right?  They might as well work together to get her back.

“B*tch PLEASE!”

Never one to look a gift pony in the mouth (especially one he’s drawn), you can’t exactly blame Klaus for being a bit skeptical of the offer.  In no uncertain terms, Klaus reminds Stefan that, if they defeat Nouveau Ric, Klaus WILL be leaving Mystic Falls with lover girl as his bloodbag.  “Then I’ll go with you,” Stefan says, unfazed.

“And that’s why you’re the better option [for Elena],” Klaus remarks generously . . . thus proving that he will say whatever it takes to get back into the jock strap of his unrequited vampire love.

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Long story short, Klaus isn’t about to give up the opportunity to have his blood bag, and eat Stefan’s weiner too.  He’s SO in!

The question is, of course, if no stake on Earth can kill Ric, how are Bonnie and her Scooby Gang plus Klaus going to manage it?  More on that, in a little bit . . .

Teacher’s Pet

That Nouveau Ric!  He’s such a sweetie.  Here he is giving up a fun weekend of binge drinking and blacking out to offer some private tutoring to his favorite students Caroline and Elena.  The lesson of the day: Why Murdering Vampires Isn’t as Morally Reprehensible as You Might Think 101.  Since this is an “interactive lesson” it involves Caroline being stabbed in the hand with a pencil, and gagged with vervain.

Oh, Alaric.  You really haven’t thought this one through.  How is she supposed to take notes?

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Disturbing as this scene was, I liked the way it fleshed out (no pun intended) Alaric’s alter ego a bit more.  In earlier episodes, the guy came off as nothing more than a raging lunatic.  But this scene reminded us that Nouveau Ric, evil as he might be, still possesses all of Alaric’s old memories.  He even . . . in his own twisted way . . . still cares about Elena . . . sort of. And when he tells the young woman that he came thisclose to formally adopting in his “other life,” that his vampire distrusting parents would be disappointed in some of Elena’s recent “life choices,” you can tell that he really believes it.

In a way, Nouveau Ric is kind of like a religious extremist or terrorist . . . so firm and single-minded in his beliefs, that he is willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish them . . . even if it doing it makes him a monster.  Klaus tries to coax Elena into staking Caroline, under the theory, that her death will be more painful if Alaric himself carries it out.

“For the last time, I will NOT touch your stick, Ric!  So, stop whipping it out, and waving it in my face!”

But surprisingly enough, the teenager outsmarts the dude with the Master’s degree, by pretending to try and stake him, while she douses his face with scalding-to-vampires vervain.

Now, Nouveau Ric is angry . . . and you wouldn’t like him, when he’s angry. . .

The Three Vamp-keteers . . . the Witch . . . and the Whipping Boy

Surprise!  At the eleventh hour, Bonnie Ex Machina has discovered the key to temporarily killing . . . at least until the non-vampire Scooby Gang reaches their 30’s the seemingly unkillable Nouveau Ric.  Specifically, Bonnie wants to use on Alaric the dessication spell, her absentee bio mom once used on the now definitely dead Mikael.

The catch is that she needs her lame-ass, cut-and-run, pays more attention to her pseudo-son/boyfriend than her, mother Abby, in order to accomplish the deed.

Now, I can’t STAND the useless, wimpy, cowardly character of Abby.  And I would have much rather her stayed GONE.  That said, I kind of love how the writers used her to express us recapper’s long standing complaint that the Salvatore’s house .  . . which was specifically deeded over to the very human Elena back in Season 2 . . . now seems open to any and all vampires.  Of course, most of the characters on the show consistently ignored this annoying anomaly until Abby.

Speaking in the voice of the writers, Damon explains that, when Elena “died” (for about two seconds) back in episode 221, the house reverted back to the Salvatores, at least in the spiritual sense (legally, it OBVIOUSLY still belongs to Elena).  And so, since La Casa de Rich and Awesome is once again vampire owned, it is pretty much an Open House for every soon-to-be-dead guest star vampire around . . .you know . . .  like Abby.

Anywhoo . . . Abby’s all “Nooo . . . dear daughter, who I abandoned, seemingly uncaring as to whether you lived or died .  . . PLEASSSEEEE don’t do the Dessication spell!   It involves BLACK MAGIC, and . . . temporarily killing a human by stopping their heart and .  . . having vampires drink your blood again . . . and making your face look prematurely veiny.   In other words, this is a big time Bad News Spell, child.  It can f*&k you up, something fierce!”

Fortunately, Damon pipes in to say.  “Hey, she’s Bonnie ex Machina.  It’s her JOB to perform dangerous spells in the last ten minutes of every episode to save our asses.

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Not that we pay her, or anything . . . because we don’t.  But hey!  If she didn’t do it, she might as well be another show . . . like The Secret Circle . . . or something.

It’s settled them!  Black magic and veiny face be damned.  Klaus, Stefan and Damon are going to temporarily incapacitate Nouveau Ric, and drink Bonnie’s blood . . . so that Bonnie can mumble in faux Latin . . . and do whatever it is she does on this show that constitutes “spell casting.”

Jeremy: “Umm . . . Bonnie . . . not to question your witchy ways or anything, but what exactly does grabbing my crotch repeatedly have to do with killing Nouveau Ric.”

Bonnie: *whistles awkwardly*

But here’s a question:  what moronic human is idiotic enough to let Bonnie stop his heart, even temporarily,  for the love of one teenage girl.  Do you even have to ask?  It’s Mini Gilbert of course.  (Poor guy, even he performs acts of tremendous bravery, they always seem to involve him lying on his back, and having the crap kicked out of him by women.  Life just isn’t fair.)

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Oh, and did I mention that Bonnie “found” Caroline and Elena at the school, using her trusty iPhone GPS.  Obligatory and Obnoxious Product Placement Alert!

Trying to determine whether your history teacher is an alien?  There’s an app for that!

In which Elena gets an IDEA . . .

Though the Three Vamp-keteers put on a good show, of trying to tackle Nouveau Ric together at school (The diversion even enables Klaus to free, and subsequently make some serious sex eyes, at Caroline.) . . .

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 . . . their efforts to stake Nouveau Ric, while Bonnie fondles Jeremy’s chest, and attempts to stop his heart, are ultimately ineffective, and end with both Salvatore Brother down for the count.

Thus proving you can never be too old for nap time.

But worry not, because hope is not yet lost.  Nouveau Ric’s staunch refusal to kill vampire lover Elena makes the doppelganger extremely suspicious . . . so, suspicious, in fact, that she takes a risk, and tries to slice open her own neck for sh*ts and giggles.

It’s a Do-It-Yourself Hickey . . .

The seemingly suicidal action causes Nouveau Ric to go batsh*t insane, thereby confirming Elena’s surprisingly clever hypothesis.

Apparently Nouveau Ric’s life is tied to Elena’s in the same way each other vampire’s life is tied to an Originals.  So, if and when Elena dies, Nouveau Ric will die too.  In other words, Alchy Ric isn’t actually a threat to Elena, even at his most vampire hater killingest.  Problem solved  . . .Elena has been saved . . .  again . . . crisis averted, right?

WRONG!

Alert the media, Elena’s in danger again!

We come back from commercial to find out that sh*t has really hit the fan now.  Somehow, Klaus managed to get away from Alaric, and took Elena with him.  So, remember the Good Old Days, when Klaus used to want Elena to live, because he needed her blood bagging talents to make more hybrids?  Apparently, not so much, anymore!  All it took was one look at how powerful Nouveau Ric was, and Klaus completely flip-flopped on his Elena policy.

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But you know Klaus . . . he’s all about the Evil Villain Monologue.  So, instead of bleeding Elena dry as fast as possible, he decides to gossip with her, about which Salvatore Brother she loves more.  DAMON!  DAMON!  IT’S GOTTA BE DAMON!

Of course, Elena doesn’t give an answer because it’s not the season finale yet.  Actually she does answer Klaus’s question.  Just not necessarily in the way we would have hoped . . .

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Now, he’s draining her blood, in hopes of escaping with his own life in tact.  Sure, it will mean that the amount of new hybrids Klaus can make are limited.  But that’s a small price to pay for eternal life, right?  And eternal life is exactly what Klaus will get once Elena and Alaric are dead? True?

Maybe not . . . you see . . . Klaus’ main henchman during the Elena Draining is none other than Tyler . . . Elena’s friend . . . Caroline’s boyfriend . . . and a self-de-sired hybrid, who, in his own words is “SO NOT [KLAUS’] b*tch anymore.  So, much for hybrids being an Original Vampire’s best friend!  Tyler is clearly, gay for Klaus, no more.

“Now, I’m gay for Damon!  Sorry!”

 And what’s worse, he’s called in the Scooby Gang to perform on Klaus the exact same “desiccation” spell originally meant for Nouveau Ric.

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In the words of werewolves . . . and cartoon dogs named Astro . . . Ruh Roh, Klausipoo!

Your cheating heart . . . (will make you dried out and veiny)

Back in the Forest Where Everyone in Mystic Falls Has Died at Least Once, Bonnie is, once again, chanting and mumbling over a sleepy . . . soon to be dead-y Jeremy.   This time, though, she succeeds in stopping her ex-boyfriend’s heart, at the exact same moment the Salvatore Bros have staked Klaus.

“Need   . . . Botox . . . now.”

Oh, this is soooo time for a nose bleed, right?  Apparently not.  Nope . . . no nose bleeds for Black Magic Bonnie, who seems to be having wayyy to much fun stopping Jer Bear’s heart if you ask me.  I mean, girlfriend’s making an “O” face, while she’s killing her boy toy, which is just beyond inappropriate if you ask me . . .

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Temporarily Murdering Jeremy > vibrator

Also . . . her face is getting all black and veiny, for no apparent reason whatsoever.  EW!  I don’t know about you, but if I had to choose one, I’d go nosebleeds over Vein Faced spellgasms any day (and twice on Sunday).

Back at the Klaus House, Big Bad Original is starting to look all pale, sad, creepy, lifeless zombie like . . . you know, kind of like his siblings looked, back when he staked all of them.  Knowing that life as he knows it is now coming to an end, Klausipoo takes these last few moments to share one final eye-f*&k with the secret love of his life, Stefan.  It was both sad, and sexy at the same time.  And Stefan’s eyes are undoubtedly pregnant right now from the effort.

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Still . . .  eye-screw or no-screw, Klaus is DEAD-DEAD . . . at least until the next Sweeps period.

Mini Gilbert lived to tell the tale though!

“Oh Bonnie.  I had the most awful dream.  You were murdering me with your hands, while making sex noises.”

But only after a maudlin Bonnie cried hysterically for about three seconds over his unconscious body.  (Oh honey,  we saw your O-face.  Don’t act all high and mighty now, and pretend you didn’t enjoy it.)

When all is said and done, the Salvatore Brother’s toss Klaus’ lifeless body into the trunk of their car where Stefan gives it the goodbye screw of it’s life, and escort the favor, slightly de-blooded, Elena back home.

The Doppelganger and Not-Secret Service Crew

At the doorstep, she stops to thank them for being so patient with her.  But she really needs some more time to choose which one of them she wants to dry hump on a regular basis, if that’s OK with them.  DAMON!  DAMON! DAMON!

They both say, “Sure ! No problem” (though neither of them really means it), and head for the hills.

In the car, on the way to dump Klaus’ body off the Wickory Bridge, Stefan and Damon have a heartfelt conversation about Elena.  I probably would have paid a lot more attention to it, if, the whole time, I wasn’t waiting for Klaus to pop up in between them, say, “HAHA FOOLED YA, SUCKAS!  I AIN’T EVEN DEAD YET,” and start making out with Stefan.

It never happened.  And I can’t decide whether or not I’m disappointed about that.

Anywhoo, Damon and Stefan mutually agree with one another, about how totally hot and perfect Elena was.

Then, Saint Stefan offers to “gallantly” leave town if Elena ends up choosing Damon as her “lovah!”

At first, Damon’s response seems to be “F*&k that, if she picks you, I’m sticking around for the Hot Revenge Sex I’m going to get, each time you two fight.”

But eventually, Damon VERY RELUCTANTLY agrees to do the same thing for his brother’s sake.  “And hey,” Damon adds.  “In sixty or so years, after Elena croaks, we might even be able to be brothers again.”

Good old Damon.  Always the optimist . . . well . . . except for the fact that he’s only letting Elena live until her mid seventies.  That’s kind of cold, don’t you think?

It’s a CELEBRATION!

It’s rare to get truly happy moments on TVD.  But we got one at the end of this episode, when Jer Bear, Bonnie, Tyler (who, since the founder of his bloodline is only “all dried up” and not “actually dead, got to live to see the end of this episode), Token Human Matt, Caroline and Elena herself all got to get wasted on tequila, and celebrate the death of Season 2 and 3’s Big Bad.

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Just happy not to have a vervain soaked rag in her mouth, a slightly tipsy Caroline echoed her not-so-much boyfriend Klaus, in trying to get Elena to voice her Salvatore Brother Choice.  But Elena wasn’t about to let a little thing like the fact that polygamy isn’t legal in Virgina, rain on her Dead Klaus Parade!  No sir!

And it’s a good thing too . . . because all that happiness only lasts for about two seconds . . .

Elsewhere in Mystic Falls,  Nouveau Ric crashes a council meeting to out Caroline’s and Tyler’s respective mommies as “vampire sympathizes’ and “harborers of supernatural creatures.”  Now, it’ just a hunch.   But I’m thinking this is going to hurt their chances at mayor and sheriff re-election, BIG TIME!  (Might I suggest throwing a little compulsion in with those campaign buttons  . . .)

In more bad news . . .

So, THAT’S where Bonnie’s nosebleeds went . . .

In the final moments of the episode, we see Elena returning to Alaric’s room to finish painting his snot green walls.  A searing pain hits her neck, and she passes out, blood dumping from her nose, like Bonnie on a Spell Bender.  Well, this can’t be good . . .

“Don’t call it a nosebleed.  Call it a Blood Mustache.”

That said, for all two of you that actually thought Elena actually croaked, you can rest easy.  The doppelganger LIVES!

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And I have proof!

Here  . . .

Here . . .

And here . . .

Until next time, my fellow Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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Filed under The Vampire Diaries

The Vampire Diaries’ Klaus / Elijah versus Damon / Stefan (And it’s all just a little bit of history repeating . . .)

Brothers . . . they know you better than anybody else in the world . . . sometimes even better than you know yourself.  And that specialized knowledge gives them an incredible amount of power over you.  It can make them your strongest allies . . .

. . . or your most frightening enemies.

Sometimes brothers can play both roles in your life, at once: protector and destroyer . . . advocate and executioner . .  . confidant and betrayer.  Perhaps, there are no two people that understand this concept better than The Vampire Diaries’ iconic brothers — both in life, and in blood — Damon and Stefan Salvatore.

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Correction:  There MAY actually be two people who understand this concept just a bit better than the Salvatore Brothers, but only because they’ve had about 1,000 years more experience than their decidedly younger counterparts . . .


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Of course, I am referring to the original vampire brothers, Klaus and Elijah, two siblings for whom the phrase “blood brothers” carries with it an incredibly powerful, not to mention, extremely deadly, meaning all it’s own . .  .

Upon completing our four-part Ripper Redux series, last week, Amy, over at Imaginary Men and I, turned to you, our beautiful and brilliant readers, and asked for your suggestions as to what TVD-related topic we should cover in our next pre-Season 3 installment . . .

All of your suggestions were so amazing, that we had an incredibly difficult time picking just one topic to cover in this week’s post.

So, we decided to start with two . . .

Beau’s suggested we tackle the Salvatore Brothers, and their complex relationship with one another.  “The bond between them, is it now rivalry, an unpleasant, unwelcome, brothership, or hidden care for each other?”

Coincidentally, Serendipity, author of the spectacular Delena fanfiction Shadowdancing, was also interested in the Salvatore Brothers.  However, her interests lied less in the way that they loved one another, and more in the way that they loved others . . .

They love others GOOD! 

Specifically, Serendipity hoped to explore the parallels between Stefan’s and Damon’s love for Elena and Katherine, and Klaus’ and Elijah’s “love” for Katherine and the Original Petrova Doppelganger Charlotte, who’s mysterious existence has been hinted at throughout The Vampire Diaries’ second season.

Since Amy and I tend to be rather . . . um . . . visual people . . .

*clears throat* 

We’ve decided to frame our analysis of the aforementioned issue using three iconic scenes from The Vampire Diaries’ series.  The first scene, from Season 1’s “Children of the Damned,features a standoff between Damon and Stefan that inadvertently endangers the lives of BOTH Elena and Katherine.

The second two scenes, both from Season 2’s Klaus, involve a similar standoff between Klaus and Elijah,  in which the brothers discuss the nature of vampire love, and the fate of one,  very special, Petrova Doppelganger . . .

Here’s how it’s going to work.  First, Amy, Serendipity and I will lay out and analyze each of the three individual scenes for you.  Once we are done with that, we’ll take a step back, and discuss what these scenes say about the Salvatores versus the Originals, in terms of their various likenesses and differences.  Sound good?

Excellent!  So, without further adieu, let the Brotherly Betrayals, and Doppelganger Love Triangles begin!

Scene 1: Another Vampire Girlfriend for Stefan and Damon?

Episode: “Children of the Damned” – 1 X 13

Setting the Scene:

So, remember, back last season, when the Salvatore Brothers still thought Katherine was locked away in suspended animation in that vampire tomb?  Ahhh, memories!

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The key to unlocking the tomb lied in reciting a spell developed by Bonnie’s ancestor, Emily.

“That’s ME!” 

The spell was contained in a Grimoire or “spell book.” As it turned out, the REAL reason Damon had initially returned to Mystic Falls — after having abandoned the town and his brother for nearly a century — was to find that book, recite the spell, and open the tomb, so that he and Katherine could be reunited, for all eternity . . .

Though both Stefan and Elena had jointly and separately promised Damon that they would help him do whatever it takes to rescue Katherine from the tomb (He promised to leave town, once he found her), the couple had secretly decided that awakening a rather large group of incredibly bloodthirsty vampires was not a particularly good way to boost Mystic Falls’ morale.  So, based on a hot tip from Good Old John Gilbert’s journal, the pair snuck off, in the middle of the night, to Stefan’s and Damon’s father’s grave, where Old Man Gilbert said the Grimoire would most likely be buried.

After a minimal amount of digging, Stefan and Elena uncovered the book, which they eventually planned to destroy, so that Damon could never find it.  The problem, of course, is that, like Stefan and Elena, Damon was also clued in to the Grimoire’s whereabouts.  And when he found Stefan and Elena, in the process of betraying his trust, to say he was not amused is the understatement of the century . . .

Potent Quotables:

STEFAN:  “I can’t let you bring her back.  I’m sorry.”

DAMON:  “So am I.  For thinking, for even a second, that I could trust YOU!”

STEFAN:  “You are not capable of trust.  The fact that you are here means that you read the journal, and you were planning on doing this yourself.”

DAMON:  “Of course, I was going to do it myself, because the only one I can count on is ME!  You made sure of that many years ago, Stefan.  But you (looks at Elena) . . . you had me fooled.”

And later . . .

DAMON:  “Give me the book, or I will snap her neck.  And you and I will have a Vampire Girlfriend.”

Still later . . .

DAMON:  “The problem is that I no longer trust that you will give it back.”

STEFAN:  “You just did the one thing that ensures that I will.”

Let’s Discuss:

Julie:  I find it fascinating that most TVD pundits (myself included) spend so much time and space discussing Damon’s second force-feeding of his blood to Elena, in “The Last Day” . . .

 . . .  whereas this first instance of involuntary blood exchange generally gets short shrift.

Perhaps, this is because, at the time, the act of forcefeeding had comparatively less significance to both parties involved, than it does now.  Elena, though clearly frightened, of the prospect of dying and “going vamp,” had really just started becoming intimate with her vampire boyfriend Stefan, at this point in the series.  Having not yet been exposed to Stefan’s darkside, Elena probably wasn’t particularly aware of the potentially negative impact becoming a bloodsucker might have on her psyche.  She also hadn’t really had the opportunity to consider what she would be giving up, if she was turned .  . .

By the time Elena has drank Damon’s blood again in “The Last Day,” we know, based on her later discussion with Stefan, that she has since given this matter a good deal of thought . . .

For Damon’s part, he was still very much hung up on Katherine, at the time this scene was taking place.  So, the threat of turning Elena was viewed by Stefan more as a bargaining chip to get back the book from Stefan, than anything else.  In fact, there is a good deal of evidence in the scene that Damon is actually bluffing . . . and that he never intends to actually turn Elena.

We see in Damon, a surprising amount of hesitation, caution, and guilt, in his dealings with Elena, following the force feeding . . . the way he nuzzles her hair affectionately, prior to the book being placed on the floor . . . the gentle way he releases her from his grasp, when the book is actually delivered . . . the almost apologetic way he pats Elena on the arm, as she rushes back to Stefan.

For a so-called cold and calculating killer, Damon sure seemed conflicted about the actual act of killing, in this scene!  In fact, I’d be willing to argue that a part of Damon was actually AFRAID that Stefan would call his bluff, and not return the book, forcing Damon to stick to his word, and turn Elena, to punish Stefan.  Oddly enough, Damon’s forcefeeding of Elena in “The Last Day,” which was done out of an INTENSE love for her, was much rougher and more callous seeming.  I think this was because, in that scene, Damon was NOT conflicted at all.  He simply couldn’t picture a life without Elena, and saw turning her as the only way to keep her from dying . . .

Amy:  While Damon seems used to betrayals from his brother, his  new pain over Elena’s betrayal is written all over his face.

And when Damon is hurt – he lashes out and does things that cause irreparable damage – such as  here where he threatens Elena and feeds her his blood. An act he’ll repeat in  S2 when his fear that Elena will die at the Sacrifice for Klaus’ curse leads him to force feed her his blood as a desperate “insurance policy” that she won’t ever die.

At this point Elena does not know the true story of how the Salvatores became vampires. Is this Damon not so subtly telling her that he has
every reason not to trust his brother? Or maybe an early foreshadowing of Stefan’s secret Ripper past?

Serendipity:  This is Stefan’s second betrayal of Damon, the first being (in that same episode) when 1864 Stefan promises Damon not to tell their father about Katherine, and Stefan betrays that trust. Damon says he’s not surprised by Stefan doing that again in the present, but he is very hurt by Elena doing so, especially since he asked her about it earlier that night (“Can I trust you?” And she says “Yes,” which is actually her first act of lying to Damon, I think).

Julie:  What’s interesting about the exchange between Stefan and Damon in this scene, is that you can really see where both brothers are coming from.  From Stefan’s perspective, this has much less to do with Damon’s “right” to be reunited with Katherine, and more to do with the extreme danger that the release of these OTHER vampires will undoubtedly cause for the town.  And yet, you can also see how Damon sees this as the ultimate slight, on his brother’s part.

Damon’s overwhelming devotion to Katherine blinds him from seeing the collateral damage of what he is doing.  He can’t understand why his own brother would possibly choose to ensure the happiness of a town full of virtual strangers over his own kin.  Plus, I’m sure there’s a small part of Damon that wonders whether Stefan is keeping Katherine from him, so that he can have her (or at least, her modern-day equivalent, looks wise) all to himself . . . while Damon, once again, is left alone and empty-handed.

Amy: Here the brothers are forced to trust one another – when neither of them do. Stefan has to trust that Damon cares about Elena enough not
to hurt her despite his threats and his anger with them both; Damon has to trust that Stefan loves Elena enough to give him what he really wants – the journal – and also trust that his “good brother” will make the “good decision.” Whereas Katherine was the one using the brothers as pawns in 1864, in this moment Elena is the pawn the brothers have to bargain for to each get what they want.

Serendipity:  Question though: I wonder how the Grimoire got buried with Giuseppe Salvatore? Stefan killed him to complete his
transition (awkward having to dig him up then) but we see Emily running away from the round-up, and she isn’t a vampire, so how did they get it? Did she just leave the thing behind? Emily didn’t die that day, since Kat had to come back to ‘tie those loose ends’ as she told Damon  in ‘The Houseguest’.

Julie:  Hmm . . . good point.  I never really thought about that before!  I’m thinking that, since John Gilbert survived BOTH Giuseppe and Emily, following Emily’s death, it was John who buried the Grimoire with Giuseppe Salvatore.

Maybe he believed that this would be the best way of keeping the book safe from the Vampire Salvatore Brothers.  The grotesque circumstances surrounding Giuseppe’s death (which were probably fairly obvious, once his body was found) would seem to dictate that Stefan and Damon would NEVER go anywhere near that body, knowing, that, if they did, the townspeople would round them up, and possibly do to them what they had to the other vampires in Mystic Falls.

This is just a guess, of course .  . . 😉

Amy: You might be right about that.  Despite the promises of eternal misery and the constant wall slamming/throwing each other out windows/staking one another throughout the centuries – deep down the Salvatore Brothers love each other. They need each other – why else would Stefan have wanted his brother to turn Vamp with him? He didn’t want to be alone, he wanted them to share eternal life together. Stefan
is always swearing there is humanity still in Damon, and he withstands a lot of Damon’s terrible behaviors to try and force that humanity out.

Scene 2: “Love is a Vampire’s Greatest Weakness”

Episode: “Klaus” – 2 X 19

Setting the Scene:  Klaus and Elijah are half-brothers.  And both are part of THE Original Vampire family, from which all vampires are to some extent descended.  Though they were born to the same mother, the two brothers have different fathers.  Klaus’ father is a werewolf.  This means, technically, that, upon taking a human life, Klaus should morph into the only were-vampire in the entire world!

Fearing that this would make Klaus too powerful, and would mess with the supernatural order of things, a group of witches put a spell on Klaus, rendering his werewolf side dormant, no matter how many humans he killed.  The spell was sealed by the blood of a woman named Charlotte, the Original Petrova Doppelganger, with whom both Klaus and Elijah apparently had intimate relations.

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Breaking the curse requires a Sacrifice ceremony that can only be performed on a Full Moon.  To complete the ceremony requires the incantations of a witch, and the lifeblood of a werewolf, a vampire, and, most importantly, a Petrova Doppelganger.  The problem of course, is that since Charlotte’s death, a Petrova Doppelganger hasn’t appeared in centuries!  That is, until Katerina Petrova enters Klaus’ and Elijah’s life.  For very different reasons, she is precisely what both vampire brothers are seeking . . .

Potent Quotables:

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ELIJAH:  “The full moon is tomorrow, brother.”

KLAUS:  “After all these centuries, it is finally time.”

ELIJAH: “I have been to see the witches.  They believe they may have found a way to spare the Doppelganger.”

KLAUS:  “What does it matter if she lives or not?  She is a means to an end.  That is all.”

ELIJAH:  “But she should die for your gain?”

KLAUS:  “She is human.  Her life means nothing.”

ELIJAH:  “I beg you to consider this.”

KLAUS: “Are you so foolish as to care for her?”

ELIJAH: (hesitates) “Of course not.”

KLAUS:  “Love is a vampire’s greatest weakness.  And we are not weak, Elijah.  We do not feel.  And we do not care.”

ELIJAH: “We did once.”

KLAUS: (softens) “Too many lifetimes ago to matter.  Tell the witches not to bother.   The Sacrifice will happen as planned.

Let’s Discuss:

Amy: The big reveal that Klaus and Elijah were brothers was a doozy. Up until that point the audience sees Elijah as an ally in the war against Klaus (a scary, unpredictable ally, but still) But as his brother – does he have an ulterior motive? Does he want reunion or revenge?

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In this flashback, Katherine (or Katerina) is, for once – the pawn between this set of brothers. Klaus needs her in her human form to break
the curse that will allow him to be a WereVamp, and Elijah who has been assisting with these Curse Breaking duties has clearly fallen for the lovely Petrova Doppleganger and would rather she not die in the service of his brother’s master plan.

Julie: The acting in this scene was just spectacular.  Kudos to both Daniel Gillies and Joseph Morgan for a truly complex and riveting peformance.  Watching the calm, calculating, dignified, and thoughtful Elijah navigate the rough waters that are the easily excitable, and often rash, yet, at the same time, surprisingly cool and calculating, Klaus, was truly mesmerizing.

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In particular, I love the choices Daniel Gillies makes in this scene.  As understated and soft-spoken as the character of Elijah can be, he’s also brutally smart.  Elijah knows exactly how Klaus feels (or at least pretends to feel) about humanity.  And I suspect that the Original Petrova Doppelganger broke his heart BIG TIME.  So, while it’s clearly obvious that Elijah has fallen hard for the maiden Katerina, and desperately wants to save her from death, he’s wise enough not to come right out and say so . . .

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At first, Elijah is very casual and nonchalant about his “suggestion” that the witches can spare Katerina’s life, while still giving Klaus exactly what he wants.  He clearly has experience placating, and playing sidekick to his brother.  And he does it well.

The problem is that Klaus has grown up with Elijah for CENTURIES, by this point.  So, he sees right through his brother’s machinations to the love lurking in Elijah’s heart.  Backed into a corner, Elijah is forced to finally be honest with his brother about his feelings, BEGGING him to reconsider.  Now, that he has him right where he wants him, Klaus puts the final nail in Elijah’s proverbial coffin, by implying that he is weak for having feelings for a human.  And yet, when Elijah not-so-subtly suggests that even the GREAT Klaus is not immune to such affections, we can see the slightest chink in the Big Bad Vampire’s armor.  A chink that will grow into a gaping hole, in the next scene . . .

Scene 3: “DO NOT LIE TO ME!”

Episode: “Klaus 2 x 19

Setting the Scene: Shortly after the above scene has taken place, Katerina Petrova mysteriously vanishes.  And Klaus has a pretty good idea who was behind her sudden disappearance . . .

Potent Quotables:

KLAUS:  “What have you done?”

ELIJAH: “I don’t understand.”

KLAUS: “Katerina has gone.  She has fled . . . What did you tell her?”

ELIJAH: “I told her nothing.”

KLAUS: *insert Original Wall Slam here* “DO NOT LIE TO MEEEE!”

ELIJAH: “I will find her.  You have my word.”

KLAUS:  “If you do not, I give you my word.  You will be dead.”

Let’s Discuss:

Serendipity: What we see in “Klaus” may very well be the  First Betrayal Klaus has experienced from his typically-loyal brother.  At least, I think it’s a First Betrayal (though we do not know that for sure). Not that we see the actual betrayal, just the aftermath of Katherine having gone missing and it being Elijah’s fault for having warned her about Klaus’ plans.

Amy: Here, the Originals’ Brothers do their version of the patented Salvatore Brother Wall Slam. Klaus’ Curse Breaking Party is about to get ruined because Katerina has written her own escape clause and started her life of Vampire Bitch on the Run. He blames his younger, dutiful, brother for having feelings that allowed him to betray Klaus to help the woman he loves.

Julie: In the last scene, we saw how cool and calculating Klaus can be, when it is in his best interest to do so.  But, in general, I think Klaus is a pretty excitable guy.  Unlike Elijah, Klaus’ MO is to rip something to shreds first, and think about the consequences of that action later.  Here, we get to see Klaus in what I believe is his TRUE form.  He is raw, animalistic, and full of RAGE.  And yet, I think a part of him is also extremely shocked, and maybe just a bit hurt, that his own brother has had the GALL (and the intelligence) to go behind his back and foil his plans, in this very personal way . . . especially, since Elijah knows just how much Klaus wants to become a were-vamp, and how long he has been waiting for it.

Klaus feels as though Elijah has made a fool of him.  His brother has done something Klaus thought no one could do . . . trick and betray him.  And the fact that Elijah did it for a HUMAN, and lied about it, when confronted, that just digs the knife in deeper, as far as Klaus is concerned.  When Klaus threatens to kill Elijah, if he doesn’t find Katerina and bring her back, we KNOW he means it.  And centuries later, Klaus proves just how serious this threat actually was . . .

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A Blood Brotherhood Redux: Tying it all Together . . .

Amy: So the Originals Brothers have switched hair colors but clearly Klaus = Damon and Elijah = Stefan. Damon plots, kills and feels nothing. Stefan fixes, protects and cares deeply. Elijah wants to remind Klaus that they DID feel at one time, the same way Stefan wants Damon to remember his humanity and that he too can feel love and compassion. Klaus wants ultimate power and he does not care who he has to kill to get it – innocent girl, brother.

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Serendipity: That’s interesting that you see them that way.  Because, for me, I always want to see Damon as Elijah and Stefan as Klaus… after all, it looks as though Katherine is ‘something’ (lover? Special someone?) more to Klaus than to Elijah, casting Elijah in the role of the pursuing brother, victim of (unrequited?) love, just like Damon.

But on the other hand there are certain parallels being drawn between Klaus/Damon and Elijah/Stefan, because it is Klaus who is betrayed by Elijah, casting Elijah into Stefan’s role of the betrayer of hope. I took a sneak peak at parts of both episodes, and remarked that the clothing seems to reflect that, specifically as far as the first betrayal goes (might be a total coincidence though): 1864 Damon wears a blue suit in CoTD, just as Klaus does when meeting Katherina for the first time (might just be because they both are blue-eyed though, only this is the first time I noticed this; and neither usually wears blue), while 1864 Stefan wears a brown suit in CoTD just like Elijah (then again, both have brown eyes, but that hardly ever seems to play). I didn’t pay attention to present day Damon and Stefan, though I imagine they wore their regular clothes…

Julie:  You both raise good points.  On one hand, Elijah and Damon both seem to have that broody, unrequited love, thing going for them.  (“I’m going to save that Katherine’s life, dammit!  So, what if she’ll probably end up choosing my brother over me!  At least she will know I care!”)  And yet, in the scenes we’ve selected, Klaus and Damon were both definitely playing the role of The Betrayed to their brother’s Betrayer . . .

Also, there’s a definite similarity in temperment and ideology, between Klaus and Damon and  Elijah and Stefan, respectively.  Regarding Klaus and Damon, these two are clearly, the more emotional and impulsive brothers.  When they feel something, they ACT on it.   And very little effort is made on either of their parts to disguise their emotions.

Though in many ways, that makes them SCARIER than their more diplomatic brothers, it also, oddly enough, makes them more “honest.”  When it comes to Klaus and Damon, you always know exactly what you are going to get.  That’s not necessarily the case with Elijah and Stefan, who have been dishonest and betrayed the ones they love on numerous occasions, under the guise of doing what they feel is “honorable.

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In terms of ideologies, we saw in both of these scenes, that Klaus and Damon, each for their own reasons, value the lives of the people they love and their own lives, over the lives of “humans.”  Klaus tells Elijah that because Katherine is human, her life means nothing.  Damon, by wanting to rescue Vampire Katherine from the tomb, at the risk of letting all the rest of the tomb vampires loose as well, impliedly places HER life, and his happiness, over the lives of the townspeople of Mystic Falls.  Elijah and Stefan, conversely, seem to value human life, and see humans, like then-Katherine, Elena, and the people of Mystic Falls, as individuals worthy of having their lives protected.

Klaus’ and Damon’s feelings toward humanity extend toward their feelings toward human emotions.  Klaus doesn’t care for humans, because he sees them as inferior.  (Though, of course, this may be the result of earlier heartbreak, at the hands of the Original Petrova.  Who knows?)

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Damon, on the other hand, resents his loss of humanity, and the experience of human emotion serves as a painful reminder to him of what he know longer has.  A comparison of Klaus’ “Love is a vampire’s greatest weakness . . . We do not feel.  We do not care” line in Klaus to Damon’s “[Being upset over Rose’s death] would be human of me Elena, and I am NOT human,” in “The Descent” is pretty telling in terms of the similarities and differences between Klaus’ and Damon’s respective opinions on the experience of human emotions.

Amy: We haven’t seen enough of the Originals’ Brothers to really understand how their relationship worked, but I don’t get a whole lot of
brotherly love vibes. Elijah actually seems more like pre-Vampire Damon – sweet, quiet, prone to easily falling deeply in love. And Klaus – well I don’t doubt that he’d kill his brother in a heartbeat (heh. Get it? Because they don’t have one?) if he believed he had been betrayed.

Serendipity: Also Damon and Klaus are alike in that they didn’t get on with their fathers.  For Klaus that seems logical, since his father turns out not to be his father at all, which makes me wonder whether maybe the same might not be true for Damon… (pure conjecture of course LOL).  Then there is something about respect, as well, I think… in CoTD, if I heard it right, Giuseppe says he lost respect for Damon, who just
seems to shrug that off. When Stefan tells Damon he has something from Elena Damon will never have (in Klaus), i.e. her respect, they start brawling.  Apparently, Damon does care about Elena’s respect, more than he did about his father’s.

Julie: It makes sense that Klaus and Damon feel rejected by their fathers, their brothers, and their former lovers (again, I’m making assumptions about this Charlotte girl).  In all of the above scenes we see that Klaus and Damon both have a bit of a “Me Against the World” attitude toward life.  In “Children of the Damned,” Damon notes that the only one he can trust is himself.  It’s a sad statement, and yet, it seems largely consistent with much of his life experiences.  Unlike Damon, Klaus might have initially felt that he COULD trust Elijah.  So, it wasn’t until his brother betrayed him, that he felt truly alone in the world.

This Lone Ranger attitude Klaus and Damon have extends to their feelings about the women they love.  Just as there may have been a part of Damon that saw Stefan’s keeping Katherine from him as a jealous and possessive move, as opposed to a humanitarian one, there also may have been a part of Klaus, that assumed Elijah’s actions were at least partially dictated by his feelings for the Original Petrova Doppelganger.  If that was the case, Klaus, being the cocky self-absorbed vampire, he clearly is, might have assumed that the reason Elijah helped Katherine to escape his clutches had LESS to do with him simply loving her, and more to do with (1) not wanting Klaus to become a supremely powerful were-vampire; and (2) punishing Klaus for getting the girl, once again.

If human brothers are naturally competitive, in all aspects of their lives, it would stand to reason that VAMPIRE brothers are TWICE as competitive, since they have that much more TIME to compete, and that many more opportunities to potentially feel inferior . . .

Amy: Mirroring the 1X13 clip, we see that Damon does NOT = Klaus in this form of the equation, because he doesn’t want to kill either his brother
or Elena to get what he wants, no matter how desperately he wants it.

The Salvatores, on the other hand – talk about killing each other a lot – but when it comes down to it – they never would. If they did, who
would they threaten, slam into walls, and fight over the same girl with for all eternity??

PHEW!  That sure was a lot of analysis!  But hopefully, it’s given you a bit of insight into both pairs of our favorite vampire brothers.  Now, it’s YOUR turn readers.  Do you think Damon is more like Klaus or Elijah?  What about Stefan?  And how do you think these dynamics will change now that Ripper Stefan has, at least temporarily, aligned himself with Klaus?

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Also, I’m curious as to what you all think happened with the Original Petrova?  Perhaps, Stefan Salvatore wasn’t the first vampire in TVD world to have a human Petrova Doppelganger girlfriend . . . 😉

By the way, if you’ve missed any part of the Ripper Redux series, you can find the links to all four parts, by clicking HERE . . .

Well, that’s all for now, Fangbangers.   We’ve still got one more week before the Season 3 premiere.  So, please keep submitting your article ideas.  Who knows?  You might just end up being featured in next week’s blog series installment . . .

See you then! 😉

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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Filed under The Vampire Diaries

The Vampire Diaries’ Ripper Redux – Part III (Feeding the Monster Within . . .)

“Who’s next in line to GET IN MY BELLY?” 

“Is it YOU?”

Welcome back, my darling Ripper-aholics!  Thank you for joining us for Part III of The Ripper Redux Chronicles.  Last week on The Ripper Redux, we traveled to Present Day, Mystic Falls,  to observe the first underpinings of Modern Day Ripper Stefan.  This week, it’s back to 1864, where we will learn how Stefan and Damon spent their first few days as vampires . . .

“Dammit, Stefan!  I just had this couch cleaned!  Must you always eat in the living room!”

Ironically, it is during these Darkest Days, that Stefan began to build two tenuous links to his humanity, both of which were destined to chart his fate for the rest of eternity: (1) his own vampire brother, and (2) his tremendous capacity for LOOOOOOOOVE . . .

*clears throat*  Did it just get hot in here?

I’m referring, of course, to the same Ripper Stefan who devoured all but one of Elena’s ancestors for dinner . . .

The Last Gilbert Standing . . . (well, actually, he was pretty much laying down, at the time) 

 . . .  and snacked on a trio of Lusty Ladies of the Night for dessert.  Here was a vampire whose appetite for blood and lust knew no bounds.  It is this Ripper Stefan who we meet in the series of flashbacks shown in Season 2’s “The Dinner Party” . . .

“Could I, perhaps, trouble you for a bib?” 

(By the way, for those of you who missed the two previous installments of this series, worry not!  You can check them out by clicking the links below:

Part I: Click Here

Part II: Click Here 

Bon appetite!)

“I had to turn it off.  It was the only way I could survive . . .”

Setting the Scene: 

Judging you . . .

So much for a romantic getaway!  Tensions between Stefan and Elena reach their height, when Stefan learns that Elena’s “agreement” with Elijah involves her sacrificing her own life to the Original Badass, Klaus (who we later learn is Elijah’s brother).  Elena’s got some ‘splaining to do!  But, as it turns out, she isn’t the only one . . .

At the Gilbert cottage, Elena finds an old diary of her ancestor, Jonathan Gilbert.  In it, he details his 1864 run-ins with then-newbie vampire, Stefan Salvatore.  And some of the things that Jonathan has to say about Elena’s boyfriend aren’t particularly nice . . .

“Damn, that Jonathan Gilbert!  I should have decapitated that Diary-Writing Douchebag, when I had the chance!  Oh, wait . . . that means Elena would never have been born.  Doesn’t it?  Hmm . . . nevermind then.”

Let’s watch the clip, shall we?

(Click the internal link to view.)

Potent Quotables:

Present Day –

ELENA:  “He described you as a monster.”

STEFAN:  “That’s what I was . . . In the weeks after I became a vampire, I relished in it.  I took it to the darkest place I could.”

(And later . . .)

ELENA: “It sounds like you were Damon.”

STEFAN: “I was worse.”

STEFAN (voiceover): “I wasn’t myself then.  I was full of guilt, for what I did to my father, my brother.  I had to turn it off.  It was the only way that I could survive.”

Flashback –

STEFAN: “Damon, don’t be like this.  I’m just having fun.”

DAMON: “Staying ALIVE is more fun Stefan.  We have to be more careful than this, more clever . . . like Katherine was.”

STEFAN: “Look where that got her.”

DAMON: “I’m done here . . . with YOU.  I’m leaving town.”

STEFAN: “You hate me . . . I know . . . an eternity of misery and all that . . . I know . . . But you don’t have to leave town.  Damon, I’ll do better.  I promise.”

DAMON: “No, you will get us killed.  I’d rather leave you to do that to yourself.”

Why this scene is a key moment in Ripper Canon:

 Julie:  The TVD writers have done an extremely good job of taking what we THINK we know about Stefan’s blood lusty past, and repeatedly turning it on its head.  (They will do so again, in the Season Finale.)   In the last scene from “Blood Brothers,” we saw Ghost Emily tell Stefan that his TRUE CURSE would be his inherent good heartedness, and the way in which the pain and guilt of his sins would eat him up inside forever.  Based on Stefan’s facial expression following the exchange, we knew that Emily’s words had a definite effect on him.  However, the effect wasn’t exactly what you would expect . . .

“Screw YOU, Emily!” 

Also, in that episode, we saw Damon wash his hands of Stefan for the role the latter played in his at least-partially unwilling vampire transition.  The Elder Salvatore Brother vowed, right then and there, to make his little brother’s life miserable for all eternity.  The exchange suggested that Damon left town that evening, “turned off his emotions,” and immediately became the Bad Boy Vamp we know and love today . . .

In this scene, however, we learn that wasn’t the case.  Despite his anger at Stefan, Damon, apparently, still felt enough kinship with and brotherly responsibility toward Stefan to stay with him for a few more weeks.  But every relationship has its breaking point.  And THIS was Damon’s . . .

Amy:  Bloodaholic Stefan has the addict behaviors down pat here: the benders, the denial, the pleading when faced with consequences. In this brief flashback we see him slurping away at many a willing victim (“Me! I’m next!” those Civil War belles sure were slutty!) in what is basically a Blood Orgy of sorts.  His growling as he feeds, the girls moans, the seeming pleasure that hunter and prey are both getting off on are as close to S-E-X as TVD is allowed to get away with on the CW . . .

“Was it as good for you, as it was for me?” 

Julie:  Ummm . . . I’ll have what she’s having. 😉  Now that you mention it, New Vamp Stefan definitely seems a bit crazier, and more maniacal, than Seasoned Vamp Stefan.  (So much for “not wasting the blood,” and “not making a mess!”)  Having not yet sufficiently mastered the “talents” required to become the cold calculating killer we witnessed in “Miss Mystic Falls,” when Stefan chews on his Victorian Honeys, he seems more in need of a feeding trough and a roll of extra-absorbant paper towels, than anything else . . .

And yet, New Vamp Stefan does share a couple of traits with the Blood-Lusty Stefan of “Miss Mystic Falls”: namely, an enjoyment of killing, and a complete lack of concern for his human victims .  . .

Amy:   Enjoyment of killing, indeed!  Ripper Stefan is having a grand old time doing his Biting Thing, until Wet Blanket Big Bro Damon arrives to compel the Slutty Belles out of La Casa de Rich and Awesome 1.0, and smack some sense into him.

“Come on, Stefan!  We don’t even know whether or not vampires can get STD’s, yet!  Can you imagine having crabs for all eternity?” 

This is where Stefan becomes quite the Little Brother with his rationalizations (No worries about the Founding Families, he’s gonna kill them soon, anyway), whining (that line “Damon don’t be like this, I’m just having fun” is delivered in such a bratty tone), justifying his “weeks” of binging on willing ladies’ necks and putting the Salvatores at risk, by exposing the lie that they survived both human – and vampire deaths.

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Julie: Good point, Amy!  You know, it’s interesting that, in his voiceover, Stefan claims that “turning off his emotions” was his chosen method of coping with his guilt, during those Early Vampire Days.  And yet, just like in “Blood Brothers,” here we see Stefan, once again, become rather emotional, when the Elder Salvatore makes his SECOND threat to leave Stefan alone to his own devices.

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Stefan’s childlike entreaties for his brother to stay with him, (“I’ll do better.  I promise!”), stand in stark contrast, to his monstrous acts earlier in the episode.  Here is an individual who is DEATHLY afraid of being alone with himself, and his own powerfully devastating emotions.  Despite the fact that, during the act of killing, Stefan genuinely seems to be able to effectively turn off his humanity, it always seems to bite him in the ass, immediately after feeding . . . kind of like a bad hangover that just won’t go away.

“I have SUCH a headache.  I’m never drinking AGAIN, I swear!  I’m sticking to bunnies, from now on . . .” 

Amy:  When Damon lays down the law – that he is done with Stefan for good – that’s when the facade of not giving a sh*t and calling the downward spiral he’s on “fun” comes crashing down and Stefan is faced with what he couldn’t face the night he became a vampire: going on without his brother. The desperate tone his voice takes – the way he grasps at Damon as he stalks off – he’s pathetic really.  As Julie notes, he is terrified of being alone with himself and feeling all that he is so anxious to “turn off”. But he also needs Damon with him.

His “turning” of Damon into a vampire didn’t go quite as planned, with the “lifetime of eternal misery” and such.  But maybe he had hope since Damon stuck around that what he did to his brother could be forgiven – OR perhaps he imagined they would enjoy the kind of brutal partnership that we now know Klaus has planned for him . . .

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Julie: I’m glad you brought up the whole Klaus Connection.  I remember watching this episode for the first time, and being EXTREMELY disappointed with the whole “I Stopped Being Bad Stefan, Because Lexi Taught Me the True Meaning of Love” explanation.

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I just thought it was such a cop out, on the writers’ part.  I mean, here we were assuming that Stefan’s Bloodlust was something he battled with, on and off,  for 160+ -some odd years, and then this flashback comes along, which suggests it only lasted 160 some odd hours. 

Now, we see that Stefan DID, in fact, have a “drinking problem,” LONG AFTER meeting Lexi.  In fact, in “As I Lay Dying,” Klaus suggests that Ripper Stefan was alive and well, as recently as 1917.  This, of course, makes things a lot more interesting, as it potentially paves the way for us to see some still-darker flashbacks of Ripper Stefan in Season 3.  It also makes me wonder whether Stefan intentionally misled Elena about the extent of his dark past, in this episode . . .

Amy:  Heck yeah!  Bring on more Ripper Stefan!

The mirror of this scene is at least a dozen others we’ve seen in present day Mystic Falls – in which Damon acts cruel, flippant and ignorant to whatever pleas or demands Stefan is making of him.

To find out that at the beginning those roles were reversed adds yet another layer to the very complicated relationship and history of the Brothers Salvatore. Personally, I hope in S3 we explore more how Stefan thinks himself “worse” than Damon. Was that our first clue that he was less Lexi’s Reformed Vamp Buddy . . .

. . .  than he was the “ripper” of Klaus’ wingman fantasies?

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Julie:  I guess we will have to wait until September 15th to find out, won’t we?

“Damn you, CW!  DAMN YOU!”

HOWEVER . . . speaking of Stefan and Klaus, Part IV of this series tackles Stefan’s jaw-dropping degradation into his Ripper self, at the hands of the Original Were-Vamp, as seen in TVD’s EPIC Season 2 finale, “As I Lay Dying.”  You will be able to find THAT installment over at Amy’s spectacular Imaginary Men blog, sometime next week.

Until then, HAPPY FANGING!

[www.juliekushner.com] [Fangirls Forever – (Now featuring Team Ripper-themed t-shirts!)]

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The Vampire Diaries’ Ripper Redux – A Look Back at Some of the Most Pivotal Scenes in Ripper Stefan Canon (Part I)

DAMON: “Psst, don’t you think it’s weird that TV Recappers and Imaginary Men are doing a blog series on YOU?  I mean, isn’t everything related to this show, on BOTH of those blogs, usually about ME?”

STEFAN:  “Yes .  . . but things have changed.  I’m EVIL now.  Girls like evil.  Didn’t you get the memo?” 

Greetings, Fangbangers!  September 15th is just a few short weeks away.  Before we know it, Damon, Elena, and the gang will be back on our TV screens, compelling us to watch them . . .

This, of course, begs the question:  “How have YOU been preparing for The Vampire Diaries Season 3 return?  Perhaps, you’ve tried out a new diet . . .

 . . . or spent time cuddled in bed with a loved one?

Maybe, you’ve sat yourself down on the proverbial therapist’s couch, in order to figure out what you’ve got hiding underneath those metaphorical “blankets” .  . .

Perhaps, you’ve been trying hard to forget the past, in hopes that you can stop it from haunting you . . .

As for me, and my fabulous blogging pal, Amy, over at Imaginary Men, we’ve been spending the hiatus, revisiting some of The Vampire Diaries’ most pivotal moments . . . and revisting them . . . and revisiting them . . .

During this exercise, one of the things we’ve found particularly intriguing was the evolution of Ripper Stefan.  As you know, Ripper Stefan, much like his companions, Naked Damon . . .

  . . . and Ponytail Elena . . .

 . . . have ALWAYS been a part of TVD canon.  But they only show themselves at pivotal moments during the series  . . .

In this web series, Amy and I will be reviewing four pivotal scenes in the evolution of Ripper Stefan.  The first one, you can read RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.  The second one, will be featured on Amy’s Blog (hopefully, this coming Thursday).  The third one will be back on this blog, and  .  . .

 . . . well . . . you get the idea . . .

So, let’s get started with the Ripper Redux!  After all, when it comes right down to it, cannibalism IS just another form of Brotherly Love .  . .

Ripper Redux- Scene 1: “We can do this . . . TOGETHER!”

Episode: “Blood Brothers” – 1 X 20

Stefan Salvatore:  A bleeding heart, who makes hearts bleed . . . 

(Click the internal link to view)

Setting the Scene: 

Having both died with Vampire Katherine’s blood in their systems, Stefan and Damon awaken one fateful morning, in 1864, to find themselves “in transition,” half human  / half vampire.  Now, they are faced with a choice:  Feed on human blood within the next three days, and become a FULL vampire . . . or die of starvation.

In other news, I believe this is the ONLY time in Vampire Diaries history, in which Stefan and Damon can both be found shirtless in the same frame.  And, trust me, I’ve looked!

Damon — who can’t imagine a life without the woman he loves (Katherine, at this time, is presumed dead) — seems fairly certain that he will choose death over the alternative.  Stefan agrees, but seems a bit less certain of his decision than his brother.  But then the younger Salvatore brother greets . . . and eats  . . . his murderous vampire-slaying jackass of a dad, in his childhood home.  That’s when ALL BREAKS LOOSE . . . in Stefan’s soul.

Potent Quotables:

STEFAN:  “I brought her for you.  She is a gift.”

DAMON: “What have you done, Stefan?”

STEFAN:  (about his father) “He was dying and the blood was too strong .  . . I needed it.  I had to have it.”

STEFAN: “My body is exploding with power, Damon.  I can hear things from far away.  I can see through the darkness.  I can move like it’s magic.  And the guilt?  The pain?  Damon, I can turn it off like a switch.  Katherine was right.  It’s a whole ‘nother world out there, Damon.”

DAMON: “Katherine is dead, Stefan.  There is no world without her.”

STEFAN: “No.  You can turn that off too!  You don’t have to feel that, pain anymore!”

DAMON: “I don’t want it.”

STEFAN: “You are weak. You’ll be dead soon.  You NEED  THIS.  You’ll DIE.  . . Don’t fight it.  We can do this .  . . TOGETHER!”

Why it’s essential to RIPPER CANON:

Before we get started, can any of you Pretty Little Liars fans out there confirm for me whether or not the girl who plays “Dinner” in
this scene is, in fact, Troian Bellisario, a.k.a. Spencer Hastings from PLL?

I suspect she’s NOT, because I didn’t notice the credit on her IMDB page (and you would think, of all prior film and television credits, THIS would be one she’d definitely want on there!).  And yet, every time Iook at “Dinner,” all I see is “Spencer,” particularly, at the beginning of the scene, when Damon asks, “Who’s THAT?”  It’s really quite distracting . . .

“Please don’t eat me, you big sexy vampire, YOU!  I’ve got enough problems with “A” out to ruin my life.”

Anyway, on to the scene . . .

The most obvious parallel between THIS scene, and the one between Stefan and Klaus in the finale, comes right out in the first sentence
Stefan utters.  Stefan refers to “Dinner” as a “gift” that Damon should be honored to “rip into.”  Years later, Klaus uses the same concept of
“gift” to entice Stefan to feed, not just on human BLOOD, but on a REAL HUMAN girl, just like “Dinner.”

It’s probably worth noting, that back in 1864, blood bags weren’t as readily available as they are today.   Therefore, I suspect that MOST of the
vampires living in Mystic Falls back then (as well as the vampires in Katherine’s and Klaus’ time) fed almost exclusively on HUMAN blood.  They did so, not necessarily because they loved doing it, but because that’s what they needed to do, in order to survive.

This would seem to soften the blow of what Stefan is asking of his brother, thereby, making it seem slightly more humane, at least in
context.  But Stefan’s remorseless detailing to Damon about how he ate their DAD, because he “had to have [his blood],” tends to erase any sympathy we might have otherwise mustered for him in this scene.  No matter how AWFUL a person is, I really don’t think anyone deserves to be eaten alive by their own son.  Do you?

In Stefan’s defense, this guy kind of SUCKED .  . . 

Next, we witness Stefan’s “pitch” to Damon about the“Wonders of Vampirism.”  And, boy, does he sell it!  This monologue was undoubtedly a tough one for Paul Wesley deliver.  In the hands of a lesser actor, you could imagine these words coming out sounding too cliché, or Scooby Doo-esque, a parody of themselves.

“Mmmmm, just like Dad used to make taste.” 

Yet, Paul delivers the lines like a coke addict, who is jonesing off his very first taste.  It’s the right choice for the character.  After all, blood IS a drug, for Stefan.  It allows him to experience a sort of manic euphoria that he would never allow himself to enjoy in an un-altered state.

In the ultimate role reversal, we see Damon (noticeably weakened from having purposefully allowed himself to live bloodless for a couple of days) looking at his transformed brother with a mixture of fear, concern, pity, and just a twinge of self-righteousness.  Of course, in the present day, we have seen Stefan give Damon THIS look many times.  But for Damon, this seems to be somewhat of a first.

I’m totally judging you, right now  . . . 

I mention self-righteousness.  And yet, surprisingly enough, I’m not actually referring to Damon judging Stefan for eating his dad, nor for his
unrelenting enjoyment of being a vampire.  Rather, Damon judges Stefan for not LOVING Katherine enough to TRULY be willing to die for her.  However, the  fact that Damon seems to LOVE Katherine more than Stefan does, gives him no joy.  As we later learn, a big part of  Damon’s turning on Stefan, and threatening him with an “eternity of misery,” stems from his resentment that Katherine chose to feed Stefan her blood, in addition to Damon.

Yet amidst all this drug pushing, violence, jealousy and cannibalism, there is a surprising amount of brotherly love in this scene.  And though he may be doing it for his own selfish reasons (most notably, a fear of spending eternity alone), I suspect there is a part of Stefan, even in his darkest incarnation, that genuinely wants what’s best for his brother.  And to Stefan, what is best for Damon is LIVING!

“Here I am .  . . just chillin.’  Living La Vida Vampire.” 

“You are weak . . . You’ll be dead soon.  You need this!  You’ll die,” pleads Stefan, clutching at his brother’s shirt, in desperation.

Even during Damon’s first feeding, Stefan, in his own twisted way, seems insistent on showing brotherly affection and concern for the
elder Salvatore.  Observe how he gently clutching his brother’s shoulder, offering him both physical and emotional support, as he takes his first taste.

“Hey, Stefan!  Can you get out of here!  Can’t you see I’m trying to get laid?” 

These aforementioned “brotherly moments” have echoes throughout the series.  The first echo appears in “The Last Day,” when Damon makes the unilateral decision to force feed Elena his blood, in order to prevent the possibility of HER death by Klaus.  She sees his actions as selfish.  But he sees them, at least at the time, as her only TRUE chance at survival.

The second echo comes during the finale, when Stefan literally sells his soul to the Devil, also so that Damon . . . can LIVE.

“This is Martyr Stefan speaking.  How can I personally sacrifice for your happiness today?” 

Back in 1864, Stefan enticed his hungry and weak brother to complete his vampire transition, so that the two of them could spend eternity
TOGETHER.  But a furious Damon rebuffed his entreaties.  And for many years, Stefan walked the Earth without his “other half.”  Now, in the present day, Stefan again must walk ALONE without his brother.  Only this time, the choice to do so was all HIS . . .

Amy’s Take:

For me “Blood Brothers” will forever be the episode that aired while I was en route to Las Vegas. I was so desperate to see it though, that I asked my friend who I was visiting to DVR it FOR me so I could sneak in a watch between all my various crazy Vegas shenanigans! I just COULD NOT wait 5 whole days to see how “As the Salvatores Turned” came out!

And it did not disappoint. This episode is full of angst, emotional torture, guilt, resentment, pain, and extra broodiness. It not only reveals the absolute core of the Salvatore’s relationship – but it has the added bonus of super hot Paul Wesley’s tank-topped shoulders, AND Paul Wesley pulling out a pretty extraordinary performance as a man who is is so tired and pained by the the choices he’s made that he’s ready to die for his own mistakes.

Early on in the episode, Stefan is brooding in his basement prison at La Casa de Rich and Awesome. He doesn’t seem mad that his brother and
girlfriend conspired to stab him with vervain and lock him up until he detoxes from his bloodlust. Mostly he just seems determined to do what he should have done 140 years before: die.

“After what I’ve done, it has to end. I just want it over”

When Elena relays Stefan’s mood to Damon, he scoffs with a dismissive, he’s just being dramatic….typical Stefan Martyr stuff which means
that not only has Stefan had previous bouts of “Martyr stuff”, but that Damon has been around to witness it and doesn’t take it at all seriously.

But Stefan is taking his martyrdom quite seriously this time – he’s not just upset with himself for falling off the wagon and lunching on Amber the Beauty Queen, he’s upset with himself for EVERY SINGLE DECISION HE’S MADE SINCE BECOMING A VAMPIRE. Just a century plus of guilt being carried on his (sexy, muscular) shoulders! He tells Elena, I’m making the decision I should have made years ago by letting himself starve to death (or later on possibly burn to death.)

This episode is so much about choices: how we make them, how they define us, how, our actions are what set things in motion, but we have to
live with that as Elena tells suicidal Stefan. Stefan did not have a choice to drink from Katherine – he was compelled to – so his LACK of choice – set everything after into motion. He chose (a bit reluctantly IMO compared w/ Damon’s resoluteness not to transition fully) not to become a vampire, but then his instincts when faced with his bleeding-to-death-dad caused him to make his first shameful choice: to drink and become a vampire.

Side note: Of all the terrible things we’ve seen/heard of Damon doing, I have to say watching Stefan accidentally kill, but then FEAST from his own DAD was for me, one of the more disturbing acts on this show.  Vampirism by Patricide – that’s pretty intense! It is also the very first “decision” of Stefan’s that will forever haunt him.

I fully echo Julie’s description of High-on-Blood-Stefan giving his best “come to the dark side” pitch to his horrified brother. This whole arc of Bloodaholic Stefan was so perfectly played by Paul.  He really IS an addict – it becomes clear that Damon drinks human blood because  he likes it – Stefan drinks it because he loves it – it erases everything that hurts him, …the guilt, the pain…I can turn it off!

I got the feeling watching this episode that Stefan was much more “the alpha” between the brothers during their human life.

“Oh Stefan, this is the best Hide and Seek Spot EVER!  They will never find us here . . .”

At the start, as he and Damon watch in horror as Katherine is carted away by the pitchfork wielding townsfolk – it is Stefan who comes up w/the plan to cause a distraction and directs Damon to go get Katherine.  As they attempt to rescue her, it is Stefan who is issuing Damon orders on getting her untied. And when it is time to transition or die – it is Stefan who comes, “gift” in hand (as it were) to show his brother how it’s done.

“You just put your lips together, and SUCK!” 

“Eww.”

The actual turning scene had me on the edge of my seat. For one thing – I’m pretty sure “Dinner” has been compelled by Stefan as she has that glassy-eyed stare and isn’t screaming or struggling.  So Stefan has already learned a nifty and dangerous vampire trick. Damon’s horror is visceral – you can see how repulsed he is by this offering and how freaked out he is that his brother has broken their vow and gone ahead with the transition. But a true hallmark of Bloodaholic Stefan is his desperation – he is DESPERATE for Damon to join him, to experience what he’s feeling, to not feel the pain of losing Katherine, to explore the “whole new world” that lays before them – together . . .

And there you have it, Fangbangers.  Part 1 of our 4 part series on the Evolution of Ripper Stefan . . .

Be sure to stop by Imaginary Men on Thursday for Part 2 . . . or else Damon will be very upset . . .

. . .  and Stefan might cry . . .

And we wouldn’t want THAT, would we?

[**** UPDATE:  PART 2 of this Series is NOW available! *****]

View it HERE!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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Love Means Never Having to Say, “I Drank Your Blood” – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ Season 2 Finale “As I Lay Dying”

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ELENA:  “Mmmm . . . your face tastes good . . . like chocolate . . . and sex.  I’ve been waiting for TWO SEASONS to do this!”

DAMON: “Yes, Elena.  My mouth is heavenly, isn’t it?  You know what OTHER part of me is heavenly?  I’ll give you a hint, you’re leaning against it, right now.”

ELENA:  “Slow down, horndog!  Save something for the SEASON 3 FINALE!”

 Holy heck, Fangbangers!  Say what you will about the TVD writers, but they SURE do know how to end off a season with a bang . . . (and a bite . . . and a suck . . . and an “Aren’t you supposed to already be dead?”).  Perhaps, I should take a moment to remind you about the LAST SEASON FINALE . . .  Remember THIS?

. . . and THIS?

 . . . and THIS?

How about THIS?

As I was watching the Season 2 Finale, I kept thinking back on TVD’s FIRST season ender, and realizing what very different “creatures” these two episodes were.  While the Season 1 Finale, was all about nonstop action, chaos, and the creation of multiple cliffhangers . . .

 . . . the Season 2 Finale was quieter and slower moving, but, arguably, more thought provoking.  The way I see it, “As I Lay Dying,” was less about what actually HAPPENED during the episode, and more about HOW the things that happened reflected events of the show’s past, while foreshadowing its a VERY different future  . . .

Speaking of foreshadowing for the future, NEVER, in my whole history of television watching, has a season finale made me MORE excited for the show’s subsequent season, than THIS Season Finale did for TVD’s Season 3.  And no, I’m not just saying that because Season 3 promises to be the Year of Delena . . .

 . . . Dark Stefan . . .

and . . . “Damn, that Jeremy Gets Around!”

On second thought .  . . who am I kidding?  That’s EXACTLY why I’m saying it!

Well, we’ve got a heck of a lot to cover.  So, what do you say, we get started?

It’s Too Late to Apologize . . . Or Is It?

“Oh, come on, Elena!  How could you NOT forgive a face like this?  And really . . . I mean . . . when you think about it, what I did to you THIS time was no where NEAR as bad as the Jeremy Neck Snap Incident!”

We begin the episode with a closeup on Sad Elena.  She checks on a still-sleeping Jeremy, before taking an extremely maudlin journey into the Now-Dead Useless Aunt Jenna’s room, where the yummy stench of Alaric’s Chunky Monkey still hangs in the air, like a promise unfulfilled . . .

“Come on, Elena!  Don’t be sad!  Might I interest you in some Comfort Food?”

Then Damon magically appears . . .

“I think I’ll have some of that Comfort Food now, please.”

We, of course, know, by this point, that Damon believes his diagnosis of Were Rabies to be a death sentence.  But Elena doesn’t know about it yet.   And Damon plans to keep it that way. 

He comes to Elena begging for forgivness.  Like a terminal cancer patient receiving his last rights, Damon wants absolution for the sins he’s committed against the woman he loves most.  “Feeding you my blood,” he begins.  “It was wrong.”

“I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness UHHH YEAH YOU DO, especially considering the fact that she is NOT A VAMPIRE, and also NOT DEAD, because of YOU!, but I need it,” Damon explains.

I love how unassuming and quietly reserved Damon is, when he says these words.  As fans, we know EXACTLY how desperate Damon is for Elena to forgive him for what he has done, before he dies.  And yet, Damon carefully hides his desperation from Elena, not wanting to reveal to her his lethal secret.  If Elena is to forgive him now, Damon wants to be sure that she does it from her heart, and not because she feels forced to do so by Damon, or worse, does it out of pity.

“And I need some time . . . maybe a lot of time,” says Elena to the guy she THINKS will live forever. 

(Ahh, the benefits of hanging out with vampires.   You get to hold a grudge for a REALLY LONG TIME.  And they will probably still take you back, when you are finished with your YEARS of sulking . . . but only if you look like Nina Dobrev.)

“Take all the time you need,” fibs Damon dejectedly, already resigned to his fate. 

Damon even manages to give Elena a small wistful smile, as he leaves her home, while on the inside, we know that he is doing THIS . . .

A dejected Damon then stumbles back to La Casa de Rich and Awesome to pour himself, what he believes to be, his Last Breakfast of Bourbon and Tears . . .

“Oh, my dear, sweet liquor!  At least YOU will never let me down, by being a total brat to me, while I’m on my DEATH BED.”

Damon then takes off his shirt (YEAH!) rolls up his sleeve (DARN!) to examine his were bite.  I’m not going to lie.  It’s pretty darn fugly looking.  At this point, Damon sees the writing on the wall.  He knows that in less than a day, he’s going to start to go bonkers, and, if history is any indication, become a SUPER ANNOYING, DROOLING, MENACE TO MYSTIC FALLS, much like THIS GIRL was  . . .

Becoming Rabid Man Stealer Rose is a FATE WORSE THAN DEATH . . .

Not wanting this to happen to him, Damon removes his Sunscreen Ring and his shirt (COME ON, WRITERS!  WORK WITH ME HERE!), and walks toward his unusually-ornate-for-a-bachelor-pad stained-glass window (religious imagery much?),  while whiny contemplative chick music moans in the background (And, if THAT’S not enough to make you kill yourself, I don’t know what is!).

“Geez, I’m dying here!  Can’t I at least go out to the tune of something COOL . . . like Anberlin’s ‘Enjoy the Silence?'”

But just when Damon’s face starts to show signs of serious sun damage, OUT OF FRIGGIN NOWHERE, Stefan, that BAD ASS MO FO (And, really, how often do I describe Stefan in this way?) rushes onto the scene, tackle hugs his brother, and then pushes him against the wall, in one of the season’s Most Homoerotic Wall Slams EVER!

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“Kiss me, you fool!”

After he finishes wall-humping his hot older brother, Stefan tosses Damon into La Casa de Rich and Awesome’s Very Own, Correctional Institution for Wayward Vampires (past residents of said institution include the now-long-dead Zach Salvatore, Bloodaholic Stefan, and Rabid Rose) . . .

“I’ll be watching you, Damon . . . (so, don’t drop the soap)!”

Suddenly, having plenty of time on his hands, Damon takes this opportunity to get better acquainted with the hardwood floor that will be his home (and only true companion) for the duration . . .

“Hey babe!  What are YOU in for?”

But then Damon hacks up a whole boatload of blood all over said Floor, thereby shutting off any chance of a meaningful relationship between them.  And yet, just because Damon is dying from a terrible disease, destined to become Annoying Rose, and might never get laid again, doesn’t mean he can’t have a sense of humor about his  increasingly dire situation . . .

“Would it be too much to ask for a conjugal visit with your girlfriend?”

Damon wonders what’s going on in Prison Warden Stefan’s head.  “What’s the plan, Superman?”  He inquires dryly.

“Is that kryptonite in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

Damon then suggests that Stefan “tell him goodbye, and get it over with.”  But Superman Stefan is not ready to bid his brother adieu.  He’s got a cure to find . . . and a witch to visit.

Meanwhile, in a random forest, there lies a shirtless Original Were Vamp . . . (Thank YOU!  At least SOMEONE understands the meaning of the phrase “clothing optional.”)

Hey, Look!  It’s Adam and Eve (if Adam was a vampire . . . and Eve was his brother . . . and instead of eating forbidden fruit, they ate HUMANS)!

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OMG!  That Crazy Brother F*&ker!  (Just so you know, what happens in the forest, STAYS in the forest.)

And you thought Damon and Stefan had SEXUAL TENSION?  These two brothers have NOTHING on Elijah and Klaus — two clearly bisexual (and incestual?) half-brother vampires, who have undoubtedly endured a MILLENNIUM of hating one another, while still wanting to jump eachother’s bones on a regular basis  . . .

Klaus, who’s been . . . umm . . . “not quite himself, lately”  . . .

 . . . asks his patiently waiting (and still perfectly coiffed, despite having spent days in the forest without a change of clothing, a shower, or indoor plumbing) brother for a recap of the past few days.  Elijah remarks with a bit of brotherly pride, that Klaus remained a wolf, even after the full moon, thus signifying that he can change at will.  Elijah then MAJORLY pisses off fans, by helping Klaus put his friggin clothing back on.  (LAME!)

The brothers eye f*&k a bit, as Elijah reminds Klaus that the latter promised to reunite him with the rest of his family, who, last we checked, were not-so-much buried at sea.  Klaus, echoing Elijah’s earlier in the season words to Elena, vows to keep his promise to his brother, despite the fact that Elijah . . . sort of/kind of tried to kill him.  “That’s OK,” offers Klaus, kindly.   “No ONE can kill me now . . . not even YOU.”

THIS . . . is becoming LESS AND LESS TRUE by the minute.  (But hey, at least he’ll always have that hair . . .)

Speaking of getting wrecked (bad transition?), back at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, our SECOND favorite Alchy (because DAMON is first, obviously) is busy getting blotto, having lost his SECOND SEXUAL PARTNER to vampiric death in the course of five episodes . . .

(Alaric is officially the NEW Jeremy . . .)

“Damon’s Dying . . . Please Help Him Get Sh*tfaced.”

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Is it just me, or does Alaric Saltzman get hotter with every episode?  Clearly, I have a thing for drunks (and chunky monkeys)?

 As Alaric stumbles off his bar stool, he gets a phone call from Stefan.  “I’m sorry, you’ve reached someone, who is currently not operating,” Alaric slurs.  (I swear, he sounds like Damon, more and more, every day!)

You know, with all that happened in last week’s episode, I totally forgot about Alaric’s Locked in the House by Bonnie’s Spell Thing.    That is until Stefan called Alaric, asking for help, and Alaric petulantly replied that he is “not allowed to help.  I am only allowed to sit back in the house, while my girlfriend gets sacrificed in some weird vampire ritual.”

“Awwww . . . man!  You’re still pissed at me about that?  Didn’t you get the ‘I’m sorry you were locked in the house by a witch’s spell, while your girlfriend was sacrificed by some weird vampire ritual’ roses and e-card I sent you?”

But Matt Davis is nothing if not a master in subtle changes in facial expression.  And when Stefan tells Alaric that Damon is dying, we immediately see all color drain from the poor guy’s face, and all stubborn anger leave his body.  Alaric has already lost his girlfriend.  He’ll be damned if he has to lose his BEST friend too.  “What do you need me to do?” He inquires solemnly.

Yes, my fellow fangbangers . .  . Team Bad Ass is back in action . . .

“You can’t die, Man!  Because I really need my wingman / drinking buddy back!”

But this wouldn’t be a season finale without a Random (and kind of stupid) Mystic Falls Event.  And this one is the Period Piece Picnic and Showing of Gone with the Wind in the Park . . .

 “You’re Aunt and Uncle /Father are dead.  My Mom wants to kill me.  So, let’s watch a movie, and make fun of people who are dressed like ASSH*LES.”

Elena and Jeremy are determined to regain some sense of normalcy in their lives.  (Well . . . Elena is . . . Jeremy’s just kind of moodily sulking, and looking all SAD HOT.)

“I need a hug.”

The mopey pair meet up with an almost unnervingly happy Caroline (Is that an “I just got laid” glow on your face, Vampire Barbie?) . . .

 . . . who believes that watching Gone with the Wind is just the thing this depressed duo needs to lift their spirits.   “The war is over.  Atlanta has burned.  Let’s move on!”  Caroline remarks cheerily.  (Oh, yeah!  She’s SO had sex, recently!)

Of course, watching Caroline perkily emote, I couldn’t help but wonder where TYLER was, during all this.

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn about period movies, or picnics, or stupid outfits . . .”

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“But I’d gladly dress like a Civil War Reenacting Reject for YOU, Caroline.”

Speaking of reenactments . . . I think it’s time for YET ANOTHER of Bonnie’s Witchy Spells, don’t you?  (No?  Well, unfortunately, you’re going to get one, anyway . . .)

In the words of Damon Salvatore, “Screw YOU, EMILY!”

I like you better when you are Maya from Pretty Little Liars . . .

Why is it that every time I see Bonnie, and her friggin candles, with her friggin eyes closed, mumbling gibberish, I get this terrible sense of deja vu?  It’s like the morning after a night of binge drinking, when, gradually, memories of the people you HUMILIATED yourself in front of rise unbidden to the surface of your mind.  That’s what these scenes feel like for me.  Maybe I would hate them less, if I didn’t have to see them EVERY SINGLE WEEK!

“Hey look!  There’s a spell in here that actually doesn’t involve filling an ENTIRE room with lit white candles.  Nahhh . . . too risky.”

Speaking of the candles, do you think Bonnie reuses the same ones for every spell, or just keeps buying new ones?  Because, if the latter is true, girlfriend should seriously consider buying stock in Yankee Candle, by now! 

Anywhoo, Stefan wants Bonnie to “summon the spirits” in order to see if any of them know of a werebite cure.  She closes her eyes, mumbles, candles flicker . . . blah, blah, blah, Witch Emergency, blah.  And all of the sudden Bonnie is “Emily,” which means she speaks in a slightly higher, but infinitely more haughty and obnoxious, voice.

“Woah, now she thinks she’s EMILY?  This B*tch is CRAZY!”

Stefan asks “Emily” about the cure for a werewolf bite.  But Emily, apparently, still has a big BUG up her ass about Damon, and doesn’t want to give up the intel. (I really never understood Emily’s DAMON hate.  I mean, didn’t he try to SAVE HER from being burned, so that she could help him find Katherine?  What gives, lady?)  “Emily” babbles on for WAY TOO LONG about the “balance of nature in the universe,” while I zone out for a bit, and have a Damon Sex Fantasy . . .

 . . . but then BONNIE wakes me up with her writhing in pain, and screaming.  (DAMN YOU, Bonnie!  I was having a good dream!)

“I’ve really gotta cut back on all the coke snorting I do  . . .”

Apparently, Emily isn’t the only witch with a Big Fat Bug up her ass.  The WHOLE Dead Coven seems to be collectively experiencing its Time of the Month.  They beat up on Bonnie, because they think she is “abusing their power.”  I think they all just need to get laid.  And, judging by the end of the episode . . . Jeremy may just be able to help them with that little problem, next season.

“Imma f*&k all you b*tches, REAL GOOD!”

Fortunately, the witches aren’t SO mad at Bonnie, that they aren’t willing to give her a little hint as to what she needs to do to save our Damon.  But since complete sentences just aren’t their style, they only give her a name, “Klaus.”

 Speaking of women on their periods . . .

Lizard Forbes gets her ASS handed to her by Mama Lockwood . . .

“This scene was supposed to make you feel bad for me.  But because I am an evil lizard / child killer, it fails, MISERABLY.”

I think this scene is completely random, and probably should have landed on the cutting room floor, in exchange for a Shirtless Damon scene. 

But since, I’m actually writing this recap in REAL TIME (i.e. watch a scene, press Pause, recap it, watch the next scene . . . wash, rinse, repeat) you have the joy of hearing me describe it, anyway. 

Mayor Lockwood is DONE being the sweet little lady who hosts charity events, and says kind things to Elena, and lends Elijah her house, and rejoices over her son’s return from Werewolf Camp, even though she is laid up in the hospital, following a “bad fall” down those Pesky Mansion Steps . . .

“That Damon Salvatore, sure is sexy!  Maybe I can hire him to come and give me a nice long sponge bath.”

Now, because the script requires it she is a kind-of-scary, Vampire-Hating Poopy Head .  . .

 . . . who thinks Lizard Forbes isn’t doing enough to remedy the “Vampire Situation” in Mystic Falls. 

Don’t get me wrong!  I LOVE seeing Lizard Forbes being abused by ANYONE willing to take on the job.  However, considering that everything concerning the “Vampire Emergency,” since Rose’s rabid rampage, has either been (1) explained away by natural means; (2) erased from the general public’s memory through compulsion; or (3) happened in secret (like John’s and Jenna’s deaths), I’m not really seeing Mama Lockwood’s sudden sense of immediacy here. 

Aside from that, the acting in this scene was just really, really, ridiculously, bad . . . Yeah, I went there.

Meanwhile, back at the picnic, with the people we ACTUALLY care about . . .

Blabbermouth Stefan Spills Yet Another One of Damon’s Secrets (SURPRISE!)

“Hey Elena!  It looks like it’s time for our Regularly Scheduled Moody, Yet Loving, Public Display of Affection.”

I’m going to say something here that might surprise you, given the DIEHARD Delena-ite I am.  As much as it bugs me that Stefan is COMPLETELY INCAPABLE of keeping ANY secrets whatsoever, I’m actually REALLY HAPPY that he ended up telling Elena about THIS secret. 

I know, crazy, right?

For one thing, it led to all the SUPER YUMMY Delena moments we were treated to, toward the end of the episode. 

The Delena ship has SET SAIL for Season 3!  And it’s going FULL STEAM AHEAD!

For another, I just feel like Elena had the right to know that one of the people she cares about most in the world was dying. Sure, as Damon gently brought up to Stefan, Elena ha certainly been through enough in her life these past few weeks, that she doesn’t need to mourn another loss right now.  But, honestly, if Damon died without Elena having made things right with him, I don’t think she ever would have forgiven herself for the cold way she treated him, at the beginning of the episode. 

“I had Damon in a BEDROOM  . . . in my HOUSE . . . and I turned him AWAY.  I am SUCH A FRIGGIN MORON!”

You can tell that this is the case, by the shocked, tearful, and genuinely heartbroken look on Elena’s face, when she first learns of Damon’s illness.  In some ways, Elena feels this diagnosis more than Stefan, because, unlike him, SHE witnessed it first hand with Rose.  (And where were YOU then, Mr. Salvatore?  Hanging out with EVIL ISOBEL, I presume!  Just sayin . . .) 

Also, given everything that’s gone down between Damon and Stefan, these past few episodes, the fact that Stefan actually ENCOURAGED Elena to go “comfort” Damon in his hour of need and give him hours and hours of hot Pre-Death Sex “hope,” was either the most generous thing he could have done, or the stupidest . . . I haven’t decided which, yet.  It made me VERY happy, though . . .

And yet, that happiness quickly sours, when we return to the Correctional Institution for Wayward Vampires, and learn that, Damon’s condition has already rapidly deteriorated.  Time is clearly running out for him . . .

Doppelganger Hijinks, a Super Sexy Hallucination, and the Possibility of a Twin Threesome.  (Now, that’s MY KIND OF SCENE!)

“I assume you’ve both been tested for STDs.  I really can’t afford another case of crabs painful disease.”

If you recall from “The Descent,” as Rose’s condition worsened, she broke further, and further from reality, repeatedly mistaking Elena from Katherine, and then attacking the poor innocent human, like the FREAKSHOW she was. 

Those of us who were concerned that Damon would end up doing the same thing, needn’t have worried.  Because unlike Rose, who HATED Katherine, Damon luuuuved her .  . well, at least he did in 1864.  So, when Damon starts hallucinating, it comes off less like a frightening psychotic episode, and more like free porn / a therapy session. 

Most of us had always assumed that Damon became a Civil War Deserter, back in 1864, because he disliked the regimented living of being in the army, and wasn’t comfortable with all the Yankee killing he’d have to do . . .

But, as it turns out, Damon’s reasons for going AWOL may have been a lot more simplistic than that. Back in 1864, we see that now-familiar sweetly polite, and almost tentative Damon, approach Katherine in her bedroom, as she “struggles” to undo her corset.  (AGAIN with the “Can you help me get naked routine?”  Seriously?  You would think that after all these years, girlfriend would have finally learned some new material . . .)

That being said, I must admit I was still turned on by the way Damon leaned in toward Katherine, gently massaging her shoulders and softly blowing on her neck, as she relaxed against him.  We hear Katherine actually TELL Damon that she loves BOTH him and Stefan, and that she can’t bear the thought of him leaving for war . . .

Then, his conscience, Elena, magically appears . . .

“Why can’t you remove MY clothing like that?”

“Elena” forces Damon– who had always laid the blame for what happened to him on Katherine (for manipulating his affections), and Stefan (for “forcing” him to go vamp) — to recognize the fact that he ultimately made the decisions that sealed his fate.  Knowing that Katherine was simultaneously making a play for BOTH Damon and Stefan, Damon STILL chose to defect from the Civil War, in order to be with her.  And it was that FIRST mistake Damon made, that ultimately led to everything that came after it . . .

It’s a profoundly enlightening moment for Damon.  It’s just too bad he has to be DYING OF WERE RABIES to experience it!

Speaking of that manipulative hot mess, Katherine, she’s still “stuck” at Alaric’s house, raiding his liquor cabinet, having been compelled by the still-living Klaus to stay there until “further notice.”

No wonder Alchy-Ric has to spend all his time alone at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls!  He’s probably completely out of booze, by now!

Oh my god, you killed Elijah!  (You BASTARD!)

“Again?  Seriously?  I’m getting too old for this sh*t!”

So, I thought Elijah was supposed to be this Big Bad Ass!  Since when did he become the TVD version of Kenny from South Park?  Seriously, this is Elijah’s THIRD staking, in HOW many episodes?  Dude oughta seriously consider upping his accident insurance premiums!

“Fear me, for I am the Grim Reaper . . . of myself.”

When Stefan arrives at Alaric’s apartment (I guess Alaric must have invited him in, at some point?), Katherine is WAY pissed about this whole “still being under compulsion” thing.  But she’s not too pissed to give her ex-boyfriend an old Wall Slam for old time’s sake . . .

This Moment is interrupted by the return of Klaus and Elijah.  Not having time for pleasantries, Stefan wants Klaus to give him the cure for Damon’s were bite, but Klaus has “other matters” to tend to first.  Remember how Klaus promised Elijah he would “reunite him with his family”?  And remember how Klaus STAKED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY?  Yeah, Elijah may be hot, but apparently, he’s not a real whiz when it comes to reading comprehension.  So, of course, Klaus STAKES HIS OWN BROTHER, just as Elijah SHOULD have staked Klaus last week, but couldn’t.

Now, I’d mourn Elijah’s death, if I hadn’t already done so twice before.  Rest assured folks, this guy will LIVE to DIE AGAIN!  No wonder Katherine looked so completely BORED, during the staking . . .

“Things I’d rather be doing than watching Klaus stake Elijah:

(1) wall sex with Stefan

(2) floor sex with Damon

(3) freaky Doppelganger sex with Elena

(4) drunken couch sex with Alaric

(5) dancing

(6) washing my hair

(7) cleaning Alaric’s skanky man cave bathroom with a toothbrush”

Now, Katherine might be bored to tears, but Stefan is frightened / grudgingly impressed with his nemesis.  And Klaus, well, Klaus is just plain turned on.  He starts leering at Stefan and getting all up in his personal space, like he wants to eat the vamp’s weiner for lunch.

“So, Stefan, tell me.  What’s your sign?”

Then, Klaus stakes Stefan somewhere in the vicinity of his heart.  But, honestly, I feel like the gesture was more of a ploy to get the sexy ab-tastic vampire to lean into him, so Klaus could whisper sweet nothings in his ear. 

Klaus-y LIKE!

I mean, Joseph Morgan was literally WHISPERING CREEPILY the entire episode.  I don’t know how he did it for so long, without losing his voice entirely.  I mean, that’s impressive!

Now, it’s Katherine’s turn to kick up the energy a notch.  “He’s just trying to save his brother,” Katherine pleads, a look of concern in her eyes.  (Awww!  She might actually really CARE!  Who knew?)  But STEFAN, who’s still got a BIG FAT STAKE in his CHEST, seems unimpressed by Klaus’s bizarre S&M attempts to hit on him.  “Yeah, whatever, drag that stake around my innards.  I’ve been here before,” Stefan seems to be saying, “Just tell me how to save Damon.”

But then . . . Stefan utters three words that he will probably live to regret for the remainder of the Third Season, “I’ll . . . Do . . . Anything . .  .”

“Anything?”

Oh, Steffy, you are in TROUBLE NOW!

Speaking of trouble . . .

Team Bad Ass:  Reunited and it feels so . . . (Wait, what just happened?)

“Trap me in your house, and allow my girlfriend to die?  No biggie!  Turn my wife into a vampire?  That’s OK!  Call me, Elena, and try to compel me to KILL my favorite drinking buddy?  You are so going to PAY for that one, Damon!”

You know, with all the SERIOUS bonding we’ve experienced between Damon and Alaric during the course of the past two seasons, it’s easy to forget that these two guys HATED eachother, when they first met.  Actually . . . Alaric hated DAMON, for what Damon did to his wife.  And Damon . . . well . . . he didn’t really give two craps about Alaric . . .

But things have changed now.  And when Alaric comes to visit Damon at the Correctional Institution for Wayward Vampires, the bromantic chemistry between the two is palpable.  Having maintained a false sense of strength and bravado in front of Elena and Stefan, to protect their psyches, it’s ALARIC to whom Damon finally admits just how much pain he’s in.  “Do I look awful?  Because I feel ten times worse,” groans Damon.

In return for his honesty, Alaric rewards Damon with just what he needs, his Sunscreen Ring (a poignant reminder of Damon’s suicide attempt from earlier in the episode), and, of course, a shot of Bourbon.  Unfortunately, for Alaric, Damon still seems intent on dying.  And if he can’t do it by “meeting the sun,” he’s going to try to accomplish it another way.  First, he taunts Alaric, by playing the “Dead Girlfriend” card.

“You probably want to kill me.  It’s my fault Jenna is dead,” Damon offers.

Useless Aunt Jenna strikes again .  . .

“I don’t blame you for what happened to Jenna,” Alaric replies (But the pain in his eyes, tells a bit of a different story).

Damon then brings up Isobel, which affects Alaric even more.  But still, no Death Card for Damon.  “We are not drunk enough to be having this conversation,” suggests Alaric.  (Translation:  LET”S GET DRUNKER!)

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But Damon has more tricks up his sleeve.  He aggressively lunges at Alaric through the bars, hoping that it will anger Alaric enough to get a response.  It does, and Alaric grabs Damon by his neck, through the metal bars.  Desperate and in pain, Damon attempts to lock eyes with Alaric and compel his friend to kill him. 

Seeing Damon so weak, and so willing to die, is hard to watch for us fans.  So, it must be TORTURE for Alaric.  Plus, Alaric’s also a little pissed about the whole Compulsion / Suicide by Proxy thing.  So, we can’t really blame Alaric for stabbing Damon roughly in the shoulder with his pocket knife.

 “I wasn’t expecting THAT!”

“Screw YOU, Damon!” A hurt Alaric replies, as Damon groans and drops to the floor. 

Then something interesting happens.  We see Elena rushing toward La Casa de Rich and Awesome.  And, as if sensing her presence, Damon calls out her name.  “Elena’s not here, Damon,” Alaric replies to a prone on the floor Damon, who is desperately begging for blood.  Except SHE IS!


Lizard Forbes gets taken DOWN!  (BOOYAH!)  But lives to tell the tale.  (LAME!)

“Umm . . . do you have a search warrant, Missy?”

You know how vampires can’t enter a house, unless they’ve explicitly been invited inside?  Don’t you wish they had something like that to keep out annoying bumbling cops?  Damon does!  Seconds before Elena can open the front door to La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Lizard grabs her and pulls her aside.  She has ILLEGAL business to finish. 

So, Lizard and her NEW police boy (because Caroline ATE the old one) barge into Damon’s place, pass by Alaric in the cellar, and STUPIDLY lock themselves inside the room with the were-bitten Damon. 

Once, on the floor, and half dead, Damon is, suddenly, miraculously alive, well, and able to CRUSH LIZARD FORBES INTO THE WALL!

“Hi Liz,” Damon says, conversationally.

“Bye Liz,” I say . . . hopefully.

Then, because DUMB ASS KEYSTONE COP LIZARD OPENED THE DOOR TO HIS CELL, Were Rabies Damon escapes to find Elena, just as Were Rabies Rose escaped to . . . eat random people . . . in The Descent.  Alaric calls Jeremy hoping that he’s with Elena, and warning him to be on the lookout.  Of course, WE KNOW that Elena is RIGHT OUTSIDE THE HOUSE.

Concerned for the health of both his sister and Damon, Jeremy leaves the picnic (where, all of the sudden, it’s night time, and pitch dark outside?  When did that happen?) to go find them.  Bonnie . .  . being Bonnie . . . suggests that Jeremy just let Damon die and /or possibly hurt Elena in a were-rabies rage.  REALLY BONNIE?  After all Elena sacrificed to keep YOU alive?

“What . . . the . . . f*ck?”

So, of course, I was REALLY happy, when Jeremy finally grew some balls, and called Bonnie out for repeatedly trying to neuter him and keep him out of trouble.  She continues to do this, even though, despite her best efforts, Jeremy seems to keep ending up in danger ANYWAY, and his friends and family just keep on croaking.

“You TELL HER, Sexy Jer!”

Then again, considering what ends up happening to JEREMY next, Judgy, Boyfriend-Neutering Bonnie may have actually been right . . . THIS TIME.

“Gotta Love Mother Nature!”

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Oh, man!  Will you two just get a room already!  Just by watching you two on my television screen hitting on eachother like you are, I am at risk for pregnancy . . .

Interesting point of fact:  Klaus has been stalking Stefan for decades.  He’s taken a REAL interest in the younger Salvatore Brother.  Apparently, Stefan has sexual talents that Klaus finds erotic useful.  Apparently, at some point in 1917, Stefan MURDERED AN ENTIRE VILLAGE OF INNOCENT HUMANS, just because he COULD . . .

Well, Damon may not have killed an entire village, but he’s screwed an entire sorority!  And that’s gotta count for something!

Klaus’ “little anecdote” about Stefan’s past, actually raises a continuity issue for me.  Remember “Crying Wolf,” where Stefan told this story about how he was this Big Bad Vampire for like three days in 1864?  But then he found Lexi . ..  who taught him about the importance of LOVE . . .  so, he “went clean?”

Liar, liar, pants on fire!

Well . . . either LOVE and Lexi couldn’t keep Stefan from having a few bloodaholic relapses, between now, and present day, or the TVD writers up and changed their mind about how pervasive Dark Stefan was in the proverbial history books . . .  Either way, this is canon now. 

Bloodaholic Stefan is apparently Klaus’ HERO!  And Klaus would very much like Dark Stefan on Team Evil Were-Vamp.  (After all, the “death” of Elijah, has provided a recent opening for the position.)

Just to show he’s serious, Klaus WERE-BITES Katherine, and then feeds her his blood, promptly curing the werewolf bite, as if it was never there.  “You wanted a cure, there it is.  I’m your cure.  Gotta love Mother Nature,” Klaus coos, clearly impressed with himself.

That’s all well and good.  But, of course, the question is NOT what Klaus can do for you, Stefan, but what YOU can do for Klaus.

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Stefan Salvatore:  Sex Slave Extraordinaire

You SHOT JEREMY!  YOU LIZARD!

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“Nice one, Lizard!  Maybe you should have had MATT DONOVAN do your shooting for you!  At least HE knows how to use a gun!  Loser!”

(Wow .  . . Lizard made me so mad that she got me to say something sort of NICE about Matt . . . Weird.)

So Damon is wandering about Mystic Falls, hacking and coughing all over innocent bystanders.  (I hope were-rabies isn’t contagious!)  Jeremy finds him, and carries the poor sickly bastard to the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls.  (How appropriate!) Meanwhile, Elena confronts Lizard at the police station.  But the Lizard tries to keep Elena “safe” at the station, while she heads off to save the world from rabid vampires Jeremy.  So, Elena, who’s become SUPER KICK ASS this season, takes matters into her own hands. 

Free Elena!  (Public property be DAMNED!)

Things start happening pretty fast at this point.  Lizard rushes the bar, and sees Jeremy carrying a sickly Damon.  So Lizard, being the “careful” and “well trained” cop she is, just randomly fires out at the duo, as Damon rushes forward.  She hits JEREMY, and he falls to the floor!

Jeremy is wearing his RING OF IMMORTALITY, but it doesn’t work, because the b*tch who shot him is a sorry excuse for a  human!

Then Caroline and Bonnie rush forward.  And Caroline attempts to feed Jeremy her blood, which, if he was still partially alive, would make him a vampire, but at least keep him from final death.  But Jeremy doesn’t drink the blood, because he is already DEAD-DEAD!

But WAIT . . . here comes BONNIE and her NOSEBLEEDS! 

After convincing Lizard to let Alaric move Jeremy’s body out of the “crime scene,” (SERIOUSLY?  Now, is when she decides to be a stickler for the rules?)  Bonnie emotionally evokes the witchy spirits for the 80,00oth time this season.  They are tired hearing her yap.  And, maybe it’s just me, but I think they are out for revenge.  So, when Bonnie tells Emily, how much she LOOOOOOOOVES Jeremy and NEEEEDS him to be alive, Emily and the Team Witch grant her wish.  Jeremy gets to live . . .

Bonnie genuinely smiles and laughs for the first time . . . I think since the pilot episode.  She strokes Jeremy’s forehead, as he comes back to life, and for exactly two seconds I am Jonnie fan.

Tyler is pleased . . . (See Cherie, I make random Tyler references too!)

Oh, but before you get too excited, Jonnie fans . .  . There’s a catch. 😉

Shortly thereafter . . .

“Don’t hate me, because I’m a vampire.  I don’t hate YOU because you are an Evil Lizard!”

Lizard is relieved when Caroline informs her that Jeremy is not-so-much dead anymore.  (No thanks to LIZARD!)  Caroline finally comes clean to her mother, about the fact that she’s an out-and-proud vampire, but that doesn’t make her a bad person like her mother.  Caroline explains to Lizard, that she used to be afraid of her because the woman can’t SHOOT FOR SH*T.  And that’s why she compelled her to forget all those Supernatural Cliff Notes she gave her, a few episodes back. 

But Caroline isn’t afraid of Lizard anymore.  “And you shouldn’t be afraid of me either, Mom,” explains Caroline.  “I’m still your little girl.”

Lizard and Caroline share a good cry, and hug one another. 

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And I’m happy for Caroline that she doesn’t have to live in secret anymore, or worry that her mom is going to shoot her in her sleep.  (Though, let’s face it, if Lizard TRIED to shoot Caroline, she’d probably miss and end up shooting herself.  WIN!  WIN!)  But I can’t soften my stance on the woman who SHOT JEREMY, schemed against her own daughter, and tried to “sell her up the river,” because of a transformation that happened TO HER, one over which she, unlike Damon, had no control, or choice.  That’s just how I roll . . .

I guess, when it comes to Lizard Forbes, for me, anyway, old habits die hard.  Speaking of old habits . . .

“Thank you, sir!  May I have another!”

You KNOW a drink is tasty, when drinking it causes you to cross your eyes in ecstasy!

So, Klaus finally reveals his GRAND PLANS for Stefan: a life spent in servitude and wingman-dom.  But Klaus doesn’t want GOOD Stefan frolicking in the forest with him.  He’d much prefer Dark Stefan.  (Because, let’s face it, Dark Stefan is WAY sexier!) 

Initially, Stefan declines the offer.  But, because he really wants to save Damon, he ultimately relents.  I mean, how bad could it be drinking a teensy bit of blood?  After all, Stefan has built up a tolerance, right?

WRONG!  All of the sudden Alaric’s house, appropriately enough, becomes a BINGE DRINKING FRAT PARTY NIGHTMARE, with Klaus naughtily egging Stefan on, as he chugs, blood bag, after blood bag.  Stefan’s eyes  aregetting shiftier and shiftier, as the drinks keep on coming.  You can almost feel Good Stefan slipping away, and Dark Stefan taking his place.  After all, we all know what happened the LAST time Stefan went on a bender like this . . .

Once Stefan has satisfied Klaus’ Fraternity Hazing Ritual, and has agreed to follow the Original Douche into EVIL ETERNITY, Klaus relents and gives up a vial of his blood to cure Damon.  The catch?  He gives it to KATHERINE, who he finally frees from the captivity of Alaric’s house to dispense the cure.  The problem of course, is that there is no guarantee that Katherine will get there in time, or, if left to her own devices, she will get there AT ALL . . .

Will Damon end up regretting these words?

Damon Salvatore might not be the only person who wishes he had bitten his tongue.  (Or, at least, attached a headset to his computer, before Skyping with his girlfriend).

“And the Day after that . .  . And the Day after that . . .”

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So . . . remember back during the first Season, when Jeremy used to do emo, Bella Swan-esque, things, like look up “vampires” on the internet?

“I want to find out about vampires, and all I get are badly photoshopped naked pictures of Robert Pattinson.  What gives, man?”

Do you also remember that AWFULLY cheesy scene at the end of “The Last Dance,” where Jeremy brought his computer down to Bonnie’s fake grave,so that she and Elena could Skype?  Well, today, TVD brilliantly decided to self-reference it’s own cheesiness TWICE in one single scene, by (1) having Jeremy do a Bing search for, cleverly enough “back from the dead.”  While he is doing THIS (2) Bonnie interrupts him on Skype to ask him “How he’s feeling?”

“I feel like I’ve been shot in the chest by a Lizard, and brought back to life, by a vampire, an alcoholic and a witch.  But, other than that, just peachy!”

Jeremy, never one for big speeches, can’t express enough gratitude to his girlfriend for giving up so many pints of snot and noseblood on his behalf.  “Oh, that’s OK,” coos Bonnie, in a very un-Bonnielike way.  “You can thank me tomorrow . . . and the day after that . . . and the day after that . . .”

Then Alaric magically appears, with a little smirk on his face, that only Alaric can make.  He’s planning to go home, but something (like the fact that Jeremy is a MINOR, who is constantly getting KILLED and beaten up) convinces him to stick around.  Marble Mouth Jeremy doesn’t know how to thank ALARIC for being his new Drunken, but still awesome, Dad either.  “That’s OK,” Alaric coos, hilariously.  “You can thank me tomorrow .  . and the day after that .  . . and the day after that.”

I love how Alaric came back to the door, to give Jeremy one final “and the day after that,” even AFTER Jeremy threw a pillow at his head.  Now, that’s a Fun Daddy!  Happy Early Father’s Day, Alaric!

But Alaric’s not only going to have to assume a parental role over Jeremy.  There is also Elena to consider.  And ELENA might be in a bit of trouble . . . HEART trouble that is! 😉

Elena Rescues Damon . . . and his LIPS!

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There are no words to describe how happy this image makes me!

We see Elena rushing out into the Mystic Falls movie-watching crowd, when she hears a voice behind her.  It’s Damon.  He calls out to her.  And she grabs a hold of him, fully prepared to hide him from the Lizard she assumes is still on his warpath .  . .

The problem is that Damon is losing his grip on reality.  As a result, he is remembering the day he made the choice he would spend an eternity regretting.  This, of course, was the day he decided to drink Katherine’s blood.  This way, when he died, he could become a vampire and (so he thought) be with her forever.

Immortality, here I come!

Though Damon had always assured Stefan that, unlike with HIM, Katherine NEVER compelled Damon, there was always a part of the fan contingency, who inferred that, because we had SEEN Katherine compel Damon at least once, that she had sneakily fed him blood as well.  But this was not the case.  In fact, Katherine explicitly required that Damon make the CHOICE to become a vampire.  “If you want my blood, you have to take it,” she said, seductively pointing at her neck.

Meanwhile, back in the REAL WORLD, THIS is happening . . .

“You don’t have to do this, Damon!”  Elena yelps, helplessly, as a delirious Damon clutches her shoulders and learns toward her neck.

It is almost as if Elena is speaking to 1864 Damon, and forcing him to take responsibility for his actions, all those years ago.  But Damon is too far gone to realize what is happening.  At this point, he doesn’t see Elena at all . . . only Katherine.  “I choose YOU, Katherine,” Damon says, eerily echoing the words he said to Elena, back in “The Last Dance.”

And then, he leans forward and BITES ELENA, just as he bit Katherine in the past.  The minute that blood hit Damon’s system, back in 1864, his fate was already sealed.  It’s Elena’s cries of anguish that ultimately bring Damon back to himself.

Realizing what he has done to the woman he loves, causes Damon so much internal pain, that he falls to the ground in anguish.  Still clutching her now-bloody neck, Elena helps Damon up and carries him back to La Casa de Rich and Awesome, just as he did for HER last week .  . .

Back in Damon’s bedroom . . . (We always end up back there, don’t we? ;)), Elena comforts Damon during what she believes will be the last moments of his life, just as Damon comforted Rose during HERS.  Damon tells Elena that he recognizes that the choices he made during his life, have brought him to this moment in bed, being cuddled by Elena!!!.  He realizes that it was HIS OWN choices that led to him becoming a vampire, and “going bad” for a period of time.  Katherine didn’t do this to him, nor did Stefan.  

Damon looks up at Elena with wide innocent eyes, and tells her to tell Stefan he is sorry.  Elena doesn’t mince words with Damon, by telling him that he can apologize to Stefan in person, because he is going to live.  She just tearfully nods, and hugs Damon ever closer to her, stroking his head calmingly, as he slowly slips out of consciousness.

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But of course, of all of the Delena exchanges that came out of this episode, it was THIS ONE, in which Damon FINALLY told Elena that he loved her AGAIN, and DID NOT COMPEL HER TO FORGET IT, that made me squeal like the crazy fangirl I am.

Two things I’ve been waiting to see ALL SEASON, and they BOTH happened in this one exchange!  (Number 1) I’ve always wanted to hear Elena tell Damon, that she loves and accepts him for exactly who he is . . . flaws and all.  In all the time Elena has known Damon, she has NEVER admitted this to him.  Always, Elena told Damon that he had “goodness” in him, that he wasn’t showing . . . that he “didn’t have to be this way” .  .  and that he should, “be the better man.” 

But when push came to shove, and Damon suggested that she would like him better in 1864, back when he was more like Stefan, she explicitly denied that this was the case.  “I like you just the way you are,” she told him.

Hear THAT?  She LOOOOOOVEEEEESSS likes him JUST THE WAY HE IS!  Awww yeah! 

And I think it was that admission on Elena’s part that finally gave Damon the courage to admit that he loved her.  (And THERE’S NUMBER 2!)  Just like his first admission, this one was completely unselfish.  Damon wasn’t trying to get Elena to STOP loving Stefan, or to NOT choose Stefan.  He merely felt that Elena had the right to know that someone she cared deeply about loved her more than life itself. 

So, of course, that prompted Elena to PLANT A NICE WET KISS ON DAMON’S SEXY WET LIPS!

This was the REAL DEAL . . . the Delena kiss we’ve been waiting for ever since the FAKE one that Katherine, posing as Elena, planted on Damon, in the final moments of the Season 1 Finale.  And a lot of naysayers called it a Pity Kiss.  But I call them WRONG! 

You know how I KNOW it wasn’t a pity kiss?  Because Damon was UNCONSCIOUS, when she started it!  Yes, boys and girls, Elena wanted to kiss Damon, EVEN IF HE WASN’T AWAKE FOR IT!  Such are her feelings of tenderness toward this vampire. 

Of course, Damon DID awaken during that kiss.  And he accepted it with a slight, but sweet, pucker of his own lips, and a smile on his face.  “Thank you,” Damon said to Elena, perhaps, wondering himself, whether this was a Pity Kiss.  But we, of course,  know better.  😉

And, as it turns out, so does Katherine, who arrived at just that moment with the WERE-BITE CURE!

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Elena — who looks a bit nonplussed at being caught in such a compromising position by Katherine, of all people — moves quickly from the bed, to let her Doppelganger to “her thang.”  (Note:  Elena is also probably wondering who actually invited Katherine IN to the house.  After all, it’s changed ownership, since Katherine last resided there.  No matter.  What’s a little continuity amongst hot friends?  Right?)

The fact that Katherine came to “rescue” Damon, of her own free will, does not go unnoticed by Damon.  “You got free .  . . and you still came,” remarks the vampire, as he gratefully sips Klaus’ blood.

“I owed you one,” replied Katherine. 

But Katherine’s not exactly a Gal of Honor.  So, we have to figure she actually cared enough about Damon’s life to rescue him.  Who knows?  Maybe there’s a little soul in that gal yet?

Speaking of souls?  Elena’s wondering about Stefan’s.  Kat showed herself to be a Delena fan at heart when she uttered, THIS classic line . . .

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Just as Alaric DIDN’T miss that cheeseball Skype exchange between Jeremy and Bonnie, Katherine CLEARLY did not miss the intense looks shared by Damon and Elena on Damon’s BED, when she arrived.  Katherine fills Damon and Elena in on Stefan’s deal with Klaus, making sure to add insult to injury, by telling Elena, “He sacrificed everything to save his brother . . . even you.”

Ever the hopeful one, Elena texts Stefan to tell him that Damon is OK.  But Stefan is occupied by his Homoerotic Chugging Olympics with Klaus, and is nonresponsive.  “At least you have Damon, now,” Kat notes.  (TRUE!  THAT’S TRUE!  THANKS KAT!  YOU”RE THE BEST DELENA FAN EVER!)

But Kat’s not done spreading “joy” and advice to Elena .  . .

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Astute TVD fans will recall that THIS was the line that ROSE was supposed to utter to Elena, back when SHE was dying of Were Rabies during “The Descent.”  At the time, us Delena fans were ANNOYED that this excellent line was removed from the script.  Of course, now that I think about it, it makes A LOT more sense coming from Katherine.  Good CHOICE, TVD WRITERS!

Delena Happiness aside, Damon and Elena look EXTREMELY CONCERNED for Stefan’s well being after Katherine exits the bedroom stage left.  And, as it turns out, they have good reason to be frightened for his SOUL . . .

History Repeating

I wonder if Elijah needed a mortitian, or if his suit came perfectly pressed, and hair perfectly coiffed from the floor to the grave . . Knowing Elijah, I suspect the latter.

After Klaus creepily instructs one of his minions to store Elijah “with the OTHERS,” he turns his attention back to his Super Man Crush Stefan.  It seems Stefan is DONE with Mystic Falls, and wants to get this whole Eternity as Klaus’ Sex Slave thing over with.  But there’s one problem, Stefan while significantly DARKER than he was about 10 blood bags ago, is not DARK ENOUGH for Klaus’ taste.  For that, Stefan needs to consume HUMAN BLOOD . .  . RIGHT FROM THE HUMAN.

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In a move that is OBVIOUSLY meant to be symbolic of the moment when Stefan ultimately enticed Damon to drink human blood, thereby completing his vampire transition (Stalker much, Klaus?), Klaus offers Stefan a HUMAN SACRIFICE of sorts, symbolizing his completion of the transition from Good Stefan to Dark Stefan.  (Of course, it’s female.  The only male Klaus wants Stefan to bite is KLAUS, if you catch my drift.) 

Unable to resist any longer, Stefan willingly accepts the Sacrifice, and bites into her, as if she’s a yummy piece of chocolate.  The chewing sounds he makes when he does this, are, admittedly pretty gross.  (Hasn’t anybody ever taught you to chew human’s with your mouth closed Stefan?)  The scene ends with Stefan and Klaus hungrily eye f*&king as only two Bad Ass Vampires of Questionable Sexual Preference can . ..

Speaking of the promise of FUTURE SEXUAL ACTIVITY . . .

Jeremy Sees Dead People . . . and Immediately Wants to Sex with Them

Steven R. McQueen:  “Best . . . future storyline . . . EVER!”

Remember when I told you that there was a CATCH for Bonnie to be able to bring Jeremy back from the dead.  Well . .  . here it comes . . . In a moment that EITHER harkens back to that AWESOME Bruce Willis / Haley Joe Osment movie, “The Sixth Sense” . . .

“I see dead hot chicks.”

 . . . or that AWFUL Matt McMconauhey Movie, “Ghosts of Girlfriends’ Past” . . .

 . .  . Jeremy senses EYES on him, while he’s sleeping, and tiptoes downstairs to investigate.  Creepily enough, us viewers notice that he is being FOLLOWED . . .

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I’ll admit this scene made me jump.  And, of course, WHO COULD HAVE POSSIBLY expected the Season 2 finale of TVD to truly end with Jeremy confronted on ONE SIDE, by his Dead Vampire Girlfriend Anna, and on the OTHER SIDE, his OTHER Dead Vampire Girlfriend Vicki?  We can suspect that their presence was brought on by Bonnie’s spell.  Namely, to get Bonnie back for overusing their powers, the witches decided to test Bonnie’s LOVE for Jeremy, by bringing back his FIRST two loves. 

The question though . . . is what ARE THEY?   Are they ghosts?  Humans, brought back from the dead, like Jeremy?  Vampires?  Zombie?  Hallucinations?  Of course, whatever they are, the possibilities for these fan favorite characters’ return are ENDLESS.  For example,  will we get to see more Jeremy and Anna hand-gasming, for example?

Or (all fingers crossed) another Damon/ Vicki Dance?

Something tells me that Elena is not going to let this one happen again.  And, as much as I LOVE this scene, I love Delena MORE!

And what about BONNIE?  What is she going to say about this tomorrow . . . and the day after that .  . . and the day after that . . .

Die, VAMPIRE BOYFRIEND STEALING ZOMBIES!

I suspect we will all have to wait until September to find out the answer to these BURNING questions.  If I SURVIVE that long!  A world without TVD is not a world I want to live in, that’s for sure!

I need a HUG, fellow fangirls and fanboys!

P.S.  Hi gang!  You may notice that the bottom of this post says, Comments are Closed.  I didn’t do this.  And I’m not sure how it happened.  But it’s not intentional, I promise you!  If you’d like to comment, before I get this issue fixed, please feel free to leave your comment on the blog entry following this one, relating to the TVD finale liveblog.   I will definitely respond to you, from there.  Sorry for any inconvenice or confusion this may have caused you! 😦

[www.juliekushner.com] [Fangirls Forever]

Comments Off on Love Means Never Having to Say, “I Drank Your Blood” – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ Season 2 Finale “As I Lay Dying”

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The Vampire Diaries Season 2 Finale – We are Liveblogging It!

ELENA:  “Damon, those girls are watching us again . . .”

DAMON: “Just pretend you don’t see them.   Maybe they will take the hint, and GO AWAY . .  .”

ELENA: “Hmmmm . . . try taking off your shirt.”

DAMON:  “Elena!  What makes you think my taking off my shirt will make them GO AWAY?”

ELENA:  “It probably won’t.  I’d just really like for you to take off your shirt . . .”

DAMON:  *grumbles*  “Fine!”

DAMON:  “Are you happy, now?”

The last time my pals (Amy, over at Imaginary Men, and Cherie, over at My Spidey Sense is Tingling) and I live blogged The Vampire Diaries was during the twelfth episode of Season 2, entitled “The Descent.”  If you recall, THAT was the episode in which that MAN STEALER, Vampire Rose, got Were-Rabies, and wandered around the entire hour, looking like THIS . . .

. . . and like THIS . . .

. . . and, occasionally, like THIS . . .

So, it’s probably fitting that our NEXT Live Blog installment should cover “As I Lay Dying,” the episode in which DAMON gets Were-Rabies . . .

The obvious difference, of course, is that while I HATED Rose with a passion, I LOVE my Damon Salvatore to pieces!  So, this, undoubtedly, will be a very difficult time for me . . .

And yet, like Damon Salvatore, I prefer to cover up my sadness and fear with a healthy a dose of snark . . .

.  . . some laughter . . .

Happiness is a warm (and dancing) Delena . . .

. . .  and, hopefully, a whole boatload of NAKED . . .

 

 

(Well . . .  not MY NAKED, of course . . . but HIS NAKED!)

All things considered, I actually think this upcoming Live Blog will be the PERFECT medicine for what ails me.  Don’t you?

What’s a LiveBlog, you ask?  Well, it’s kind of like a chat room where you can talk (well, more accurately, “type”) about “As I Lay Dying” with other fabulous fangirls (and boys), like yourself, while the show is airing.  Or, if you’re shy, just read along.  And let US do the work for you!

  In addition to covering the play-by-play of the episode, and repeatedly cooing over the hotness of the show’s cast  (Comments like “OMG!  HE IS SO GORGEOUS!” are, of course, inevitable, in these types of forums, and TOTALLY welcome!), Amy, Cherie and I will also be regaling you with screenshots from the episode, hot photos of the cast, and fun live polls, in which can take part. 

TYLER: *reads*  “Who’s the hottest character on The Vampire Diaries?  I’m going to go with choice “C,” Tyler!”

CAROLINE:  “Hmmmm . . . what are the other choices?”

TYLER:  “Hey!  Don’t make me BITE YOU!”

Of course, if you miss the LiveBlog, and want to check it out after the episode airs, you can do that too!  Here’s an example of a LiveBlog we did back in January, for the show’s mid-season premiere.

(Oh, and just a quick note, because we had some confusion last year.  A LiveBlog is not the same thing as a LiveStream.  Unfortunately, the technology we have available to us from CoverItLive does not allow us to stream the episode to other viewers, over the internet.  It provides ”chat” services only.  There are a number of other websites that will stream the episode for you, of course.  However, us fangirls don’t have the resources – or the necessary legal approval – to offer you that particular service.  Sorry, in advance!)

So, if you are up for celebrating The Vampire Diaries’ Season 2 Finale with a bunch of crazy fangirl bloggers, who share a love of  both snarky commentary and shirtless vampires . . .

CLICK HERE at 8 p.m. on Thursday, May 12th! 

Until then, feel free to watch (and rewatch, and rewatch . . .) this extended preview for the Season 2 Finale of The Vampire Diaries . . .

. . . and here’s a Super Secret and Very Sexy Webclip from the episode, (Hot Captive Damon, anyone?)

See you soon, My Fellow Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

 

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Filed under Live Blogging Event, The Vampire Diaries

Four Funerals and a Naked Cuddle? – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “The Sun Also Rises”

“Oh NO!  Don’t cry!  Please don’t cry!  Let’s try to focus on the Happy Things, like the fact that Michael Trevino spent this entire episode naked . . .”

“I have the most awesome nipples on the planet.”

*Takes Deep Breath*  Hey, Fangbangers!  How are you doing?  Are you holding up, OK?  As you well know, this was probably one of the most intense, and heart-wrenching, episodes of TVD history.  And no one will hold it against you, if, while you watched it, you engaged in a little Soulful Crying . . .

You may have ventured over into the territory of the Ugly Cry Face . . .

And that’s ALL RIGHT!  There is no shame in that! 

You know, I was trying to figure out what tone I should be taking with this recap.  I mean, on one hand, I usually like to keep things light.  But making fun of an episode featuring FOUR DEAD PEOPLE, seems a tad inappropriate, even for ME! (Well . . . two of them at least.  When it comes to the demise of a certain VERY Unlikeable Wolfgirl, and an EXTREMELY B*tchy Witch, all bets are off!). 

Hours and hours of painful faux-wolf transformations, followed by some time spent rolling in the dirt, plus getting her HEART RIPPED OUT OF YOUR CHEST, and this one still looks like she just stepped out of a salon.  Talk about UNFAIR!

There’s also a lot of great acting and plotting in the “The Sun Also Rises” that deserves to be given its do.  So, while this recap may be a bit more “somber” than most, I’ll try my best to cover everything that happened, while hopefully, still entertaining you a bit along the way . . .

See?  Already you are entertained!

Sound good?  Let’s get started .  . .

(By the way, did you notice that I always called her Useless Aunt Jenna, but now that she’s gone, doing that makes me feel like a TOTAL asshat Aunt Jenna voiced this week’s “Previously on the Vampire Diaries?”  Kind of fitting right?)

So, let me get this straight, you want me to open the show?  But Stefan always opens the show.  Why do I get to do it this week?  Oh, wait a second here .  . . you aren’t trying to give my character a ‘Poignant Sendoff’ are you?  ARE YOU?”

Let Sleeping Werewolves Lie . . .

“Shoot me in the face, I’ll bite you in the balls.  Just sayin’  . . . MATT”

“Ahhh .  . . see that’s what YOU think!  I gave up my balls on this show, a LOOOONNNNG time ago.”

You know you are in a maudlin TVD episode, when the storyline revolving around SHOOTING wolves, painful werewolf transformations, homicidal moms, and a brutal breakup functions as the COMIC RELIEF!  The episode begins with Caroline trying to secure Were-Tyler behind a locked gate, while Matt proceeds to go Rambo on the animal’s ass.  (PETA must have LOVED this one!)

It’s interesting how this scene pretty much telegraphs the Matt / Caroline breakup that occurs at the end of the episode, and the main reasons behind it.  (Then again, considering that Matt has spend the past few episodes plotting AGAINST Caroline with the EEEVVVIL Lizard Forbes, one could argue that this relationship has really been dead in the water, ever since Matt found out that Caroline was a vampire, back in “The House Guest.”)

“Whatchu talkin about, Recapper?”

First, obviously, Matt shoots Were-Tyler.  (By the way, since when did MATT become this GREAT SHOT?  Who the heck ever took this orphan out hunting?  Vampire Vicki?) 

The fact that a gunshot wound CAN’T actually kill this supernatural creature, doesn’t mean that Matt didn’t INTEND to shoot to kill.  Some have disagreed with me on this point.  But I took his actions here as a sure sign that Matt has extreme difficulty seeing the HUMAN BEING, behind the supernatural creature.  Admittedly, he does come around a bit on this point, toward the end of the episode . . . but just not ENOUGH.

As luck would have it, however, the bullet wound  incapacitates Tyler, preventing him from breaking through the wrought iron gates.  This ultimately allows Caroline and Matt to (1) pass through those gates, (2) step over the “sleeping Tyler,” (3) lock said gates from the INSIDE, and (4) return to the safety of Caroline’s house.

That may end the problems with Were-Tyler.   But the problems between Matt and Caroline are just beginning.  Matt offers to help Caroline with the situation, and she REFUSES, probably because (1) as the kickass Vampire Barbie she is, Caroline is about ten times strong than Matt’s wimpy ass; and (2) she doesn’t entirely trust that Matt won’t try to kill Tyler again.  “I’VE GOT IT,” Caroline says snippily.

“Oh . . . my sweet manhood.  Oh, how I miss you.”

In return, when Caroline asks Matt to hold her hand (adding FURTHER insult to injury on the “I’m stronger than you” front), so that the two can navigate around an anesthetized Tyler, Matt hesitates for a LONG TIME.  I’m not even sure if he ultimately DID IT.  Granted, this may just be Matt’s Male Ego trying to show Caroline who’s not so much boss, and not wanting to be mothered by his own girlfriend.  But, mainly, I think it illustrates the notion that Matt STILL doesn’t entirely trust Caroline in her vampire form. 

Ultimately, it is THESE issues (along with some other ones) . . .

“Matt who?”

 . . . that completely tear apart the flimsy fabric of this more-or-less already broken relationship . . .

Back at Alchy Alaric’s Crib . . .

Damon Penetrates Katherine’s Emotional Fortress of Solitude (and Then Pulls Out)

See what I did there? 😉

KATHERINE:  “So, I know you’re like ‘dying’ and all, but would it be too much to ask for a rousing Goodbye F*&k?”

Back when the promo for this episode first aired, many of you noted the genuine look of concern in Katherine’s eyes, as she surveyed the increasingly gnarly werewolf bite on Damon’s arm.

OK . . . that is SO not a hickey!  (Great arm definition though.  That vamp works out!)

And while I DO think that Katherine loves Damon to the extent that she CAN, her love is a selfish and possessive one.  Katherine’s concern over Damon’s dying seems more related to her OWN loss of a GREAT Sex Partner feelings of abandonment and neglect, as well as her fear that there will be one less person on the planet pining over her.

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That being said, it was VERY satisfying to see Damon, who had spent centuries mooning and moping over Katherine, FINALLY coming to terms with the MANY deficiencies of Katherine’s character.  Of course, the exchange wasn’t NEARLY as satisfying as THIS one . . .

Damon immediately calls Kat out on the part she played in Jenna’s demise.  After all, it was KATHERINE who led Jenna into the trap that resulted in her being Klaus’ vampiric sacrifice.  And Katherine did this, even THOUGH she had already consumed the vervain Damon himself had given her, and clearly, had a choice in the matter.  “Somehow you are always the only one who wins, Katherine.  How did that happen?”  Damon asks.

“Because I didn’t let love get in the way,” Katherine replies.

This, of course, calls to mind the much-discussed concept of vampires “turning off their feelings,” which will be touched upon again, later in this episode.  One could argue that Katherine acts the way she does because she simply “never turned her feelings back ON.”  However, I think that’s an overly simplistic analysis of the situation.  Because unlike OTHER vampires who have “turned off” their feelings in the past, like the stoic, verging on sociopathic, Isobel . . .

 . . . and the Bloodaholic Stefan of Old  . . .

 . . . Katherine seems VERY in touch with her emotions.  She often manages to experience JOY in her life . . .

. . . and shows obvious signs of fear, when her existence is being threatened, right before her self-preservation instincts set in.

No, Katherine is just a manipulative biatch.  And, for the most part, she’s probably been that way for her entire life.  The difference now, is that Damon Salvatore has her number. “Enjoy your life alone,” he says icily, as he walks out of her life.   For good?  Somehow, I doubt it . . .

For Damon’s part, the fact that he was willing to sacrifice HIMSELF, not just for Elena, but for JENNA (The werewolf bite ultimately prevented him from doing this.), shows tremendous growth in his character.  Remember THIS line?

(My apologies to the owner of THIS awesome tumblr, who’s site I neglected to properly link in my last recap.)

Well, of course, us Delena fans’ hearts just melted over this, viewing it as the ULTIMATE in romantic statements you can make to the person you love more than life itself.  And yet, it also resulted in Elena de-staking ELIJAH, which, ulimately, may not have been the best decision.  (More on that later.) 

On the otherhand, the “I will always choose you,” line exemplified the ways in which  Damon’s unparalleled love for Elena sometimes prevented him from seeing the Big Picture.  And the Big Picture, is THIS:  Sometimes “saving” someone, isn’t just about preserving their life; it’s also about preserving their heart, by protecting the people that mean something to that person.  Damon’s willingness to save JENNA, in this episode, shows that he understands that Big Picture now.  This understanding, undoubtedly makes him an EVEN STRONGER candidate for Elena’s love . . .

Just sayin’ . . .

Unfortunately, saving Jenna was not in the cards for Damon, this week.  “I’m sorry Damon, but Jenna is dead, and there is nothing you can do about it,” notes Katherine, prophetically. 

“Oh, my GOD!  He killed me! (WTF?)”

“Got any aspirin?  I feel like Death!”

Still Useless, but I can’t call her that anymore Aunt Jenna wakes up with what I imagine is the WORST HANGOVER EVER!  Being forced to drink gallons of Old Fart Vampire Blood, then being MURDERED, then being tossed into a Burning Ring of Fire, will do that to a girl.  What’s worse, she seems to have blocked the entire event out of her consciousness, forcing Poor Elena to have explain it to her ALL OVER AGAIN. 

“Do I REALLY have to be the PARENT in this situation?  AGAIN!  Seriously Aunt Jenna, if there was ever a time I needed to be mothered it is RIGHT NOW!”

It’s important to note here, that the minute that Jenna awakens, she says that she feels different and strange.  After all, it is JENNA’S accounting of what it feels like to be a newly turned vampire in transition, that helps Elena to determine whether she has, in fact, made that transition herself, by the end of the episode.  Unfortunately, Elena BARELY has enough time to tell Jenna’s she DEAD, and give her the crash course on Intro to Vampirism 101, before that EVIL Wanker HOBAG Greta comes out to play . . .

Man, I know she didn’t stick around all that long, but I REALLY hated this b*tch!  Seeing her smug, puckery, self-satisfied face on my screen had the odd effect of actually making me MISS Luka!

Remember him?

“Oh my god!  He killed me.  I’m a vampire,” remarks Jenna, a line that would be bizarrely hilarious on ANY show other than this one and, maybe, True Blood.

“And I bet you’re hungry,” coos Greta Hobag.

Elena, who knows what’s coming next, starts Freaking the F*&k OUT!  So, Greta decides to give her some impromptu flying lessons . . .

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

It turns out that living conditions in Burning Ring of Fire Number One, were getting kind of cramped.  So, Greta treats Elena to an “upgrade” by sending her to Burning Ring of Fire Number Two, which is much roomier, and comes with a better view of the park . . .

Greta then slits her own wrist.  Oh, DIE!  Please DIE!  I think to myself.  But alas, this is no Suicide Attempt on Greta’s part.  This is merely a FEEDING.  And Jenna, possibly mistaking Greta’s arm for some Chunky Monkey . . .

Just trying to lighten the mood here, folks!

. . . starts gnawing at Greta’s bloody skin, like it’s an Ear of Corn. 

*nom-nom, nom-nom*  “Tastes like CHICKEN!”

Then THIS happens . . .

Coolest trick ever!  The most interesting thing I can do with MY eyes is cross them.

By feeding on HUMAN blood, shortly after death, Jenna has officially completed her vampire transformation, thus making her a “ripe” candidate for Klaus’ Sacrifice ritual.  From across their respective burning circles, Jenna and Elena view one another, as only two family members who are no longer the same SPECIES can.  Once again, Elena takes on the MOTHERING role for her Useless until the end terrified Aunt and Guardian.  “Jenna, look at me.  It’s going to be OK,” Elena lies through her teeth.

“It’s OK Elena?  It’s going to be OK?  I just DIED, and ate some girl’s arm!  Now I’m in a circle of FIRE, out in the middle of nowhere, being babysat by two chanting psychopaths.  How does this satisfy your definition of OK?”

Meanwhile, back in the underground tomb, Bonnie and Jeremy are spending a leisurely romantic evening reading by candlelight . . .

“So, if our ancestors used to date eachother, does that mean there’s a chance we might be related?”

JEREMY:  “Hey Bonnie, did you know that there are 365 diferent sexual positions?  One for each day of the year?”

BONNIE:  “You had to look in a BOOK to find THAT?  So, what formerly EMO, but now incredibly hot, guys, don’t believe in internet porn?”

The purpose of Bonnie’s and Mini Gilbert’s underground research session is to  allow Jeremy the screentime he’s been sorely lacking these past couple of episodes find a spell that can somehow keep Elena from GOING VAMP, after Klaus kills her.  Truthfully, Jeremy’s and Bonnie’s search for this spell seems kind of half-assed. In fact, both parties seem more interested in eye f*&king, shoulder nuzzling, and making sexually suggestive historical references than rescuing their friend from the Ignominy of the Undead.  “I think [my ancestor, Emily] had a thing for [your ancestor, John Gilbert] remarks Bonnie, with a seductive wink.

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And just in case you actually BELIEVED Bonnie’s lamely flirtatious statement, please allow me to show you something.  THIS was Emily Gilbert . . .

She’s kind of hot, right?  OK . . . now THIS is John Gilbert, on whom Emily supposedly had this HUGE CRUSH . . .

Did I mention, the dude was batsh*t insane, and seemingly spent his entire life writing down his every thought in about 85,000 DIARIES?  Yeah, Emily Gilbert!  This one sounds like a Real Keeper!  You gotta give props to Bonnie for trying, though . .  .

Unfortunately, this little slightly nauseating moment is interrupted by Cock Block Alaric, who, ever since his delivery of the “message” that the Sacrifice begins tonight, has seemingly had no other purpose than to be the Bearer of Bad News . . .

“Dammit!  I miss being Klaus.  Now THERE was a guy who knew how to have a good time!”

“Jeremy, something’s happened to Jenna . . .” he begins morosely.

“Seriously?  Again?  You’re kidding me with this, right?”

The Man with the Plan . . .

Back above ground, Damon and Stefan engage in one of their little Brotherly Telephone Gossip Sessions that are quickly becoming a regular occurrence on this show . . .

” OMG!  Katherine actually SAID that to you?  She is SUCH a b*tch.  Did you f*&k her?   Because I totally would have f*&ked her.”

During the phone conversation, Damon informs Stefan that his girlfriend’s aunt is now vampire bait, and Stefan responds by getting weepy . . . again.  Stefan also makes a decision.  It’s the same one Damon made EARLIER in the episode, but couldn’t carry out, due to his Were-Rabies.  Namely, Stefan will offer to sacrifice himself in place of Jenna . . .

 “So, all these hot guys are willing to sacrifice themselves for ME, now!  This is SO COOL!  It also means I’m pretty much dead already, doesn’t it?”

After hanging up on Damon, Stefan turns his attention to Elijah . . .

I’m sorry. I just think this picture of Elijah is really funny!

Elijah helpfully restates the Save Elena gameplan for the audience.  “Bonnie will stay hidden until the moon reaches its final phase.  [This way, Klaus will continue to think she’s dead until the last possible moment.]  Then, she will deliver Klaus to the brink of death, and I will finish him off,” explains the Original Vamp of Haircare Excellence, stoically . . .

Shut UP, Elijah!  I’m mad at you.  We’re in a fight, now!

Though it’s undoubtedly TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE, Stefan FINALLY wakes up to the fact that Elijah’s insistence on killing his own brother, in order to help out folks who he (1) barely knows; and (2) tried to kill him . . . TWICE, seems . . . ODD . . . to say the least.  When Elijah tells Stefan that he is a “very honorable man,” Stefan pointedly asks whether ELIJAH, himself, is honorable.  (You know, this might have been a good question to ask BEFORE you hung all your hopes on THIS guy’s purported “honorability.”)

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“You can’t see it, but I’m actually crossing my fingers behind my back, right now.”

Klaus FINALLY explains why he seems so intent on killing his own brother, the Original Douchebag.  Turns out, this dude is SO CUCKOO BANANAS that he murdered his ENTIRE family (except, conveniently, Elijah . . . I guess he thought that hair was too pretty to go to waste), and buried all their corpses AT SEA, so that no one could come an “revive” them. 

Stefan, who knows a thing or two about wanting to kill your brother, while still being tormented by feelings of LOVE for that sibling, can relate . . .

Last I checked, they didn’t allow vampires on Dancing with the Stars . . .

“Sometimes, there is honor in revenge,” says Elijah, sounding like he’s quoting Shakespeare. (And he may be, for all I know.  Heck, he probably knew the guy, personally . . . and possibly even ATE him.)  “I will not let you down,” concludes the Original, as his nose grows to epic proportions . . . kind of like Pinocchio.

“Trust me.  It gets worse.”

“Dear sweet Wall!  You are the only one who truly understands my pain.”

Back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Uncle / Father John barges into Damon’s house, wondering why Elena hasn’t returned any of his phone calls . . .

“Looks like you are a day late, and a daughter short,” snarks Damon.  (LOVE HIM!)

Once, Damon gives Uncle /Father John the Cliff Notes version of the past few episodes of TVD, during which he was doing LORD KNOWS WHAT, U.F.J. decides this would be the PERFECT opportunity to call Damon out on his failure to properly parent / protect his daughter.  Riiiiight, because dads should ALWAYS hire out Sexy but Morally Ambiguous Vampires to take care of those pesky parental duties!

Now, THAT’S what I call a Father Figure!

“All you had to do was keep her safe,” whines John, when he learns that Damon prevented Elena’s certain death by feeding her his own vampire blood.  “You destroyed her life, you know.  You’ve turned her into what I’ve spent my whole life ineffectually protecting her from.”

“Now, is REALLY not the time for lectures, Daddio!”

That’s when Damon introduces Uncle /Father John to his good pal Wall Face (which was awesome, by the way).  “Yeah, yeah . . . I took her choice away.  And I ruined her life, I get it,” remarks Damon, in the voice of a bored teenager.  (Clearly, Damon Salvatore reads blogs.)  “But, trust me, it gets worse . . .”

“Oh no!  Well, let’s not talk about such dark things.  After all, you and I will have plenty of time to have this discussion next season . . . Won’t we?  Won’t we?

But get worse, IT DOES!  Perpetual Bearer of Bad News Alaric chooses THIS particular time to drop a bombshell on Damon, that STEFAN will be sacrificing himself in Jenna’s place.   Damon’s Man-Cry and Sexy Wall Punch, upon hearing about his Little Brother’s most recent attempt at Martyrdom SLAYED ME with their gut-wrenching intensity  . . .

I also couldn’t help but be reminded of ANOTHER time when Damon took his inconsolate sadness and anger out on Innocent Pieces of Furniture . . .

Be afraid La Casa de Rich and Awesome!  Be very afraid!

I also had to laugh, when Damon once again, RIGHTLY wondered why they couldn’t just let BONNIE sacrifice herself for Klaus.  After all, SHE had enough power to kill him, even BEFORE he started offing various cast members.  In hindsight, this probably would have been the better solution, as it would have prevented Elena and Jeremy from becoming orphans, and from needing a lifetime of pills therapy, most likely punctuated by various stints in rehab . . .

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“Dammit, BONNIE!  Way to take one for the Team!”

Meanwhile, back at the Sacrifice . . .

“Hi Jules . . . Bye Jules!”

 

“Life like a Beast.  Die like a Porn Star.”

Jenna is beginning to enjoy the Perks of Vampirism.  “I feel everything stronger,” she notes thoughtfully.  “The colors are brighter.  The fire is hotter.”

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), this little Advertisement for Undead Living is interrupted by SERIOUSLY LOUD SEX SOUNDS.  Moans, groans, grunts . . . the whole nine yards.  For a second their, I thought Klaus was getting a quicky.  Then, I realized that those sounds were coming from the soon-to-be-dead Jules.  Apparently, Greta slowed down Jules’ were transformation, so that she could be a candidate for the Sacrifice, and the process has ravaged her innards. 

Jules is promptly thrown into Burning Ring of Fire Number 3.  She and Elena only have the briefest of moments to chat.  (She claims she did all that she did to help Tyler.  Do we believe her?  Does it even matter anymore?)  Then Klaus magically appears . . .

“Are you ready my lovelies?”  He asks in that slimy child pedophile voice of his.

Then Greta starts her annoying chanting, as the lights go out in Burning Ring of Fire Number 3.  Apparently, it’s Checkout Time at the Ole Go to Hell Motel!  Jules lunches at Klaus.  And it looks like she’s about to “Go Were” on his ass.  But he tackles her, and does THIS . . .

Now, that’s what I call wearing your heart on your sleeve!

Ummm . . . yeah . . . so in case you haven’t figured it out yet, Jules is Dead . . .

Mind you, this happened only 12 MINUTES into the episode!  So, we all should have known we were in for a while ride.  Klaus expediently drops Jules’ heart (Who knew she had one?) into his little cauldron, as Jenna and Elena watch on in horror from Burning Ring of Fire Numbers 1 and 2, respectively . . .

In a heartfelt moment between Auntie Vampire and Niece, the Character Formerly Known as Useless Aunt Jenna turns to the child she was supposed to be parenting and said “I failed you . . .”

To which Elena, responded, “Hells, yeah, you did!  No, I failed YOU! (But we all know, she just said that to be nice.)

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This touching moment is followed by another one, in which Elena tells Jenna that due to her new and SUPER nifty vampiric abilities, she has the power to fight back against Klaus.  And I THIS realization on Elena’s part (along with her TERRIFYINGLY TRAUMATIC near-death experience), that causes the Petrova Doppelganger to gain an understanding of why Damon did what he did to her, and recognize that it might not have been such an awful thing to do, after all. 

We definitely see an unspoken understanding form between Damon and Elena, in the final moments of the episode.   And I actually think THIS is where that understanding begins . . .

When it comes time for Jenna to take HER part in the Sacrifice, as signified by the lights going out in HER Burning Ring of Fire, Stefan appears in the distance, to offer up a little “barter and exchange,” one vampire for another . . .

“Just in case you needed evidence of what a FINE vampire specimen I am . . .”

Klaus looks at Stefan, intrigued (and slightly turned on) . . . “Very well, what can I do for you?”  Klaus inquires politely.

Speaking of fine male specimens . . .

Have you ever wished someone would leave a Hot Naked Man on your doorstep?


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Christmas, apparently, came a few months Early in Mystic Falls . . .

After escaping Were Tyler, Caroline and Matt lock themselves up in Caroline’s house where they can be bored safe together. 


“I keep expecting your mom to barge through the door with a chainsaw, and murder us all!”

Now that Caroline and Matt finally have a little down time, they could talk about what a Monumental Douchebag he’s been, the past few episodes!  Matt explains to Caroline, how he pretended to succumb to her compulsion, after watching both Season 1 and Season 2 of TVD on DVD . . .

As we well know, he then went and ratted Caroline out to her the World’s Worst Mother, Lizard Forbes.  “So, where does that leave us now?”  Caroline wonders.  DUMP HIM, CAROLINE!  DUMP HIM HARD! 

“It leaves us stuck in the house, trying not to get malled by our friend,” replies Matt.  (OK .  . . I’ll admit it.  That was a pretty funny line.  And yet . . .)

Friends don’t shoot friends . . .

Do you think my mom wants to kill me?”  Caroline wonders, in the Saddest Little Voice Ever.

“She doesn’t know what she wants to do with you.  Because, really, what are parents supposed to DO with their kids anyway.  Parenting is so darn confusing!”  Matt replies.

Then, there is loud thump at the door.  And for a second, I really did believe it was Lizard Forbes, preparing to go postal . . .

“I’ll get you my pretty.  And your little werewolf too!”

But it was something WAY better than that.  “Give me your jacket,” Caroline scolds, taking charge once again. 

Caroline rushes outside to find THIS laying naked on her doorstep . . .

After doing a little Dance of Joy around her front porch.  (Where all the BEST Forwood action happens anyway, right Cherie?)  Caroline strategically drapes Matt’s coat over Tyler’s man parts.  (Gee, ya think Matt’s going to want that back?) 

There’s a scene in the Southern Vampire Mysteries Book Series (on which True Blood is based), where, after being cursed by an evil witches spell, which gives him amnesia, one of the main characters is told to run in the direction of the one woman he truly loves.  And that character, not remembering ANYTHING else, still, on some level, is able to follow his heart, and find the Right Girl.  I would like to think that the same sort of INSTINCTUAL memory prompted Tyler, while still in werewolf form and injured, to drag himself toward Caroline’s porch.  Because, of all the places in Mystic Falls, THAT is the one where he feels most at home.

Gee, I wonder why? 😉

Just like after his first werewolf transformation, Tyler’s eyes flutter open, and the first face he sees, is that of the woman he loves.  “Caroline?”  He asks tentatively, his face a mixture of relief, love, comfort, and utter sadness.

“It’s OK, Tyler . . . it’s OK,” Caroline replies, looking deep into his brown eyes, as she rubbs his shoulders affectionately.

Unlike the time earlier in the episode, where Elena uttered these SAME words to Aunt Jenna.  This time, I actually BELIEVE them.  And I think Tyler does too . . .

“I’ll drink to that!”

“Can We Just Skip to the ‘Save Elena’ Part”

Good news, guys!  Uncle/ Father John knows of a plan that could save Elena from being a vampire!  When the rest of the Scooby Gang arrive, he starts waxing poetically about some dying mother and her unborn baby.    Apparently, Witch Emily was able to PROTECT this mother-daughter pair (well, at least one of them) from death, by ensuring the intact nature of their souls.

(Like Damon, I’ll admit I zoned out through most of this part.  But it actually makes a lot of sense by the end of the episode. So, bear with me . . .)  Long-story short, Bonnie plans to use the SAME spell that Emily used on the Mother and Baby on Elena and Uncle / Father John.  Damon is skeptical of the plan, thinking it’s all a bunch of hooey.  But Uncle/ Father John seems DETERMINED that his daughter stay human, so . . .

When it comes time for Bonnie and Damon to leave for the Sacrifice Scrappy Doo Mini Gilbert, of course wants to come too!  So, what does Bonnie do, she makes out with him, and knocks him unconscious with her Disgusting Dragon Breath witchy ways. 

“Seriously?  AGAIN!  This SUCKS Monkey BUTT!  Then again, the fact that I didn’t get my ass kicked ONCE this episode, shows at least SOME signs of improvement . . .”

Jeremy shouldn’t feel too bad though.  At least he will have company!  Uncle / Father John is staying home from the Save Elena Games.  And apparently, so is Alaric . . .

“What?  You mean I don’t get to go either?  But I ALWAYS get to go!  I’m one-half of Team Bad Ass DAMMIT!”

Apparently, Bonnie and Damon thought Alaric’s love for Useless Aunt Jenna made him a liability.  So, they did to HIM the same thing they did to ELENA when SHE tried to throw herself at Klaus’ feet the first time . . .

The Poo HITS the FAN, Big TIME!

Back at the Olympic Burning Rings of Fire, Jenna tries to use her newfound vampire hearing to figure out what the heck Klaus and Stefan are gossiping about . . .

“So, do you, like, use a special shampoo, or something, to get your hair to look all shiny like that, because I’ve tried just about EVERY haircare product on the market.  And mine is just dullsville.  I envy you, and your Super Hero Hair Stefan Salvatore.”

Jenna reluctantly tells Elena that her BOYFRIEND has offered himself up, in exchange for Jenna.  (Now, THAT’S awkward.)  Elena, understandably, is horrified by the idea.  Does she want to keep around the Shrink she has Sex with, or the Aunt, who has her OWN sex, while Elena watches?  Decisions, decisions.  When Stefan gets thrown into Burning Ring of Fire One in Jenna’s place, Elena is both touched by her boyfriend’s kind gesture, and frightened as all heck!

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Now, this was a PRETTY sneaky move on the part of the TVD writers.  After all, MOST OF US knew that Stefan and Elena would both make it to the Season Finale.  So, the fact that Jenna, was no longer sitting in the burning ring, probably gave SOME of us, myself included, a false sense of security.  And it was that sense of security that was RIPPED TO SHREDS, when Klaus impulsively announced that he had OTHER plans for Stefan, and therefore, wanted him to survive. 

(What PLANS?  Does Klaus want Stefan to join the Were Vamp army?  Does he want Stefan to get DAMON to join the Were Vamp Army?  Does he want Stefan to give him more Hair Care tips?  Something tells me that we will have to wait until next season to find out . . .)

Klaus then puts Elena’s So-Called Savior out of commission (at least for a few moments by breaking his neck, and staking him).

Something tells me that’s going to hurt in the morning!

Elena looks at Jenna, in terror.  But her aunt seems oddly determined.  “I know what I have to do,” says Jenna, with more verve and intensity than we’ve seen from the character all season. 

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(SERIOUSLY, Sara Canning was ON FIRE this episode!  It makes you understand just how CRIMINALLY under-used her acting talents were on this show.  Useless Aunt Jenna, could have realy kicked ass . . . if she wasn’t so . .  . useless most of the time.)

Knowing she can’t defeat Klaus, Jenna lashes out at GRETA, which, if you think about it, is a pretty genius move.  After all, without a WITCH to say the spell, Klaus can’t complete the ritual.  The only problem is that Poor Newbie Vamp Jenna isn’t well versed in the Creative Killing Tactics of Salvatore Brothers and Originals, like, for example, the Bold De-Harting . . .

. . . or the Nifty Neck Snap.  So, Jenna, instead opts for the Good Old Fashioned NECK BITE, which . . . well . . . it basically does nothing.  Greta looks more annoyed, than truly in pain. 

A heart-tugging, tear inducing look is exchanged between an inconsolate Elena, and a now truly terrified Jenna, as both come to the horrifying, not to mention, massively depressing, realization that this is going to be literally the LAST TIME they will ever see one another “alive.”

With no other options available to her, a tearful Elena gives her aunt the ONLY piece of advice that a person who’s death is imminent really wants to hear:  how to die without fear . . . or pain.  “Just turn it off . . . Turn it off, Jenna.  You won’t be scared, anymore.”

We can’t know for sure whether Aunt Jenna ultimately opted to turn off her emotions in the final moments of her life.  However, the surprisingly peaceful expression on her face, after Klaus drained her of blood . . . gives us some clue that she might have done just that . . .

OK . . . I lied.  That doesn’t look “peaceful” at all.  She looks scared sh*tless.  Man, this show is depressing!

If you weren’t crying by this point, Elena’s shout of anguish as her ineffectual, but well-meaning, and loveable guardian, bit the Big One, most certainly had you reaching for Box of Kleenex.  Still, more tears follow, when Stefan awakens and finds Jenna’s lifeless body lying just outside the burning ring.  “I’m sorry, he mouths to his girlfriend, who’s family member he WASN’T able to save.”

Elena puts her finger to her lips.  “Shhh . . . KILL HIM,” she whispers.

You know . . . when Useless Aunt Jenna (R.I.P. Girlfriend) is the Smartest Girl at the Party, something is WRONG with this picture.  Don’t try to kill KLAUS, Stefan!  Kill GRETA!  BREAK HER NECK!  RIP OUT HER HEART!  Do something, aside from haphazardly throwing yourself at Klaus, and FAILING . . . AGAIN.

But fail again, Stefan does.  And, the next thing you know, the lights at Burning Ring of Fire Number 2 are out.  And Klaus has Elena in his grubby hands.  Now, he’s groping her, like a drunken college fratboy.  She is not amused .  . .

KLAUS:  “The moonlight . . . the candles  . . . the dead bodies . .  . I don’t know about you, but I find this all incredibly romantic.”

Ever the gentleman, Klaus politely thanks Elena for her services on Team Sacrifice.  “Go to hell,” Elena snarls. 

So, Klaus does . . .  but he brings ELENA right along with him . . .

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Poor Stefan, he’s been pretty much all Water Works, all episode.  And for good reason.  With Elena down, Klaus drops the Moonstone into the cauldron, and to the tune of Greta’s insufferable chanting of gibberish, begins his were-tranformation . . .

A face not even a mother could love . . .

But just when it seems like all hope is lost . . .

All Hail Team Scooby!

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Bonnie comes seemingly out of nowhere, bringing Klaus to his knees with her massive Firestarter Power.  From the other side of the park, Damon magically appears . . .

. . . and does exactly what Stefan SHOULD have done about 20 minutes ago.  He BREAKS GRETA’S NECK, in one sharp SNAP!

Damon than picks up a lifeless Elena and gallantly carries her body over to Stefan.  But Stefan surprises his brother, by NOT taking her in his arms.  “I need you to take her out of here.  I’m not leaving, until he is dead,”  explains Stefan.  (My, my, my . .  . how the roles have reversed.)

I was happy though . . . because I got to see this . . .

I mean, seriously, how much better forshadowing can us Delena fans get?  The dude CARRIED ELENA to safety AND over the proverbial threshold, into her HOME! 

But just when you think it can’t get any better, IT DOES!

My heart literally leapt out of my chest, walked over to the television screen, and nuzzled up to Damon’s face, as he gently and loving caressed Elena’s unconscious face, in a move that reminded me VERY much of THIS early TVD scene . . .

“If you come back a vampire, Elena.  I will have to stake you myself.  So, DON’T.  Because I can’t stand the idea of you hating me, forever,” Damon whispers.

As if in answer to his prayers, Elena awakens . . .

“How do you feel?”  Damon asks tentatively.

“I feel fine,” Elena replies incredulously.

Remember when I told you that Jenna felt DIFFERENT when in transition.  Well, Elena, based on her response, is still human.  The question is how? 

More about that in a bit, for now, I want to get a bit more Delana-y with you . . .

That look Elena gives Damon when she first wakes up!  Delena fans will undoubtedly analyze this look ALL SUMMER, along with the one the pair exchange at the funeral, later in the episode.  There are a lot of similarities between this look, and the one Tyler gives Caroline, when he awakens from his werewolf state.  Elena too, has had somewhat of a rebirth in these last few minutes.  She has LITERALLY died, and been reborn.

Clearly, something has changed regarding Elena’s feelings for Damon, since their last encounter.  But what?  Has Elena softened toward Damon, because, in facing the True Death, she has finally come to terms with the fact that she wants to live.  Has Elena begun to grudgingly see the positive sides of vampirism, as I mentioned above?  Or is it something more . . .

Recall that Damon once, not to long ago, told Elena he loved her, and compelled her to forget it . . .

 You may also recall that as a vampire, you can remember all instances of compulsion you experienced as a human . . .

Could Elena suddenly be REMEMBERING Damon’s sacrificial declaration of love for her?  But wait . . . that doesn’t make sense.  After all, I just said Elena is HUMAN.  So, how could she remember something like that?  You might wonder.  Well . . . I think, based on the loosey goosey way she was able to STAY human, that she might actually remember it. 

And to that plot development, I say . . .

But we are getting a bit ahead of yourselves here . . .  Let’s take a step back for a moment, and figure out how Elena managed to stay HUMAN, after clearly dying with vampire blood in her system.

The Ultimate Sacrifice

Aside from read books, and write a letter with his severely bandaged hands . . .

Ahhh memories . . .

Uncle / Father John hasn’t done much this episode.  And yet, as Elena is waking up in Damon’s arms, U.F.J. is handing Jeremy a letter and a ring, with instructions to give them to Elena.  With one last look at the house, he then walks outside.  The moment Elena awakens, he falls to the floor . .  . dead.

Remember how we talked a bit about that spell Emily did on the mother and the baby.  Well, apparently the mother gave HER life, and her soul to the baby, so that the baby could be reborn.  That was Uncle/Father John’s final gift to his daughter: the gift of a second chance at REAL life.  All U.F.J. ever really wanted for his daughter was for her NOT to become a vampire.  And now (at least for another season) she won’t be . . .

Now, I’m just wondering who the HECK is going to get custody of these two underage teens, who LITERALLY have no family left on Earth.   Maybe Alaric can adopt?

Speaking of Alaric . . . poor guy!  Lost another woman to vampirism!  The look on his face, when he foudn out Jenna didn’t survive the Sacrifice ritual was horrifying.  He and Jeremy just can’t seem to catch a break.  Can they?

But WAIT . . . what about KLAUS . . . and ELIJAH?

Elijah Do-Little

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Back at the site, the Scooby Gang’s Save Elena / Kill Klaus plan seems to be going as planned.  Bonnie is doing her Crazy Ass witch thing, Elena is alive, human and safe, Greta is dead, and Klaus is close to it.  Now, all they have to do is wait for Elijah to finish him off . . .

But NOOOOO!  Just when Elijah ACTUALLY has his hand inside Klaus’ chest, and is ready to make the final pull, a skill we all KNOW he’s incredibly adept at . . .

Klaus has to go and open his Big Fat Mouth, and tell some Big Fat Sob Story, about how he DIDN’T actually bury his family at sea. like Osama Bin Laden.  (Presumably, this means that the family of Originals can be brought back to life, just in time for next season, no doubt.)  Did I mention that Klaus KNOWS where the bodies are (or so he says), and promises to take Elijah to them, if he lets him life? 

“Quite the conundrum I’m in here.  Follow my Crazy Pants  Brother on a Wild Goose Chase to find my long lost relatives, or help these misfits I barely know kill the last member of family I have.  Hmmmm . . . I wonder what I should do?”

And so, with a quick half-assed apology at the remaining Scooby Gang members, Eljah escapes with the now Were-Vamp Klaus to parts unknown . . .

I hate to say it (because I loved me some hot Delena moments), but Damon would NEVER have let this happen, if he was there . . .

Speaking of hot moments . . .

What you got under that blanket?

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“So, I guess it’s true what they say about men with big hands.”

While naked Tyler is in Caroline’s bed (HELL YEAH!) sleeping off his were-bender, Matt is giving Caroline the Big Ole’ kiss off.   “So, this is you’re life, huh?”  Matt asks, conversationally.  “Never a dull moment.”

Unlike MY life, which tends to be jam-packed with Dull Moments.

In what was probably the LONGEST version of the “It’s not you.  It’s me.”  speech I have ever heard, Matt tells Caroline how much fun he’s had with her over the past few days (while he was pretending NOT to think she was a Brain Eating Zombie), BUT he doesn’t feel like he can handle her Hardcore Vampire Lifestyle.  He’s got other things to think about, like his lame job at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, and his Slutty Mom, and his Dead Sister.  So, yeah, greener pastures, I guess . . .

Matt would prefer to live his life in a fog, and forget vampires and werewolves ever existed, then to spend time with the woman he supposedly loves, who just so happens to occasionally, drink Red Stuff from a hospital bag .  . .

Oh, well!